Archive of Our Own

"I heard he's dating Lindsay Lohan."

"Are you on drugs? He wouldn't touch that skank. I heard he's been hanging around Scarlett Johansson."

"Yeah, whatever. She's with Justin now, remember?"

"You both have it totally wrong. Dude's a friend of Dorothy."

"What?"

"He's gay!"

"Now I know you've lost your mind. Jensen Ackles is totally straight, you whore."

"Denial's not just a river in Egypt, dear."

"Whatever."

"Seriously, guys! Jensen and Lindsay Lohan! I heard it on Entertainment Tonight. Or maybe it was the National Enquirer- it doesn't matter. All I know is that he..."

~~~~

Jared Padalecki shook his head and laughed to himself in disbelief as he made his way through the crowded bar, catching snippets of conversations left and right from gossip-hounds and regular patrons alike. Generally he paid no attention to what the local gossips were harping on, but lately it was hard to hear about anything else but Jensen Ackles. The famous actor was in Jared's small Texas hometown filming his latest soon-to-be blockbuster and it seemed that it was all anyone could talk about lately. Not even the damn bar was safe from it.

A lot of that had to do with the fact that Jensen just happened to be sitting across the room from the bar lined with stools, getting decidedly drunk. Jared fought his way through the crowd that was bigger than usual to reach the front, placing the blame totally on the actor for Jared having to work that night. Fuck him for showing up tonight - Jared's first night off in two weeks - and forcing the small watering hole to call in extra staff. He liked a good movie as much as the next person, but in his mind no one deserved this much attention for any reason.

"Goddamn, Jerry. It took me five minutes just to get here from the damn door," Jared drawled as he took a seat at the bar, throwing his baseball cap on the counter and glancing around at how busy things were. The bartenders were going full-tilt, mixing drinks and popping tops on beer bottles as fast as they could to keep up with the orders being shouted at them. Jared had a feeling the money exchanging hands over the bar tonight would rival any summer fight-night or homecoming celebration in recent memory.

"It's somethin' ain't it?" Jerry drawled, pulling on a beer. They both looked over at the actor who was regaling people (mostly women, mind you) at his table in the middle of the room with tales of this movie and that shoot and actor so-and-so who did do what everyone thought he did at that awards show, wink wink. Jared reached over the bar and grabbed a beer for himself and kept one eye on the table as he opened it, wondering what it was about a half-drunk pretty boy who just happened to get a lucky break into acting that made women flock to him. And a few men, too, Jared noted as he caught a few appraising but furtive glances shot in Jensen's direction.

"It's the mystery," Jerry said randomly. "Well, the money too, but mostly mystery."

"Hmm?" Jared asked, turning back to his friend and boss while taking a drink. The bar was stupidly hot tonight from all the people packed inside and he could feel sweat start to trickle down his back under his t-shirt and short-sleeved plaid button-up. His dark shaggy hair was already sticking to his forehead and he could feel his cheeks getting warmer by the second.

"It's one thing to know someone from what they present to the cameras, you know? But to be offered the chance to get to know them when they finally go home at night and the cameras shut off? That's the allure. Unfortunately that's all it is, just a big smoke screen."

"Dude, if I didn't know better-"

"I read a lot of People magazine," Jerry cut him off dryly. "And I have two eyes. I look over there and see a kid who's tired and looking to blow off some steam, likely because he puts in long hours at his job and his- what's the word? Entourage? His entourage keeps him on a tight leash so he doesn't get to have fun very often. He's just a small-town boy who made it big overnight, after all."

Jared arched an eyebrow questioningly and wondered when the gruff, no-bullshit bar owner had gone off the deep end. Jerry rolled his eyes, reached under the bar and slapped the most recent issue of In Touch with Jensen's face grinning up at him on the bar in front of Jared.

"That's cheating," Jared laughed.

"No, that's bathroom material," Jerry replied, tossing the magazine into the garbage can behind him. "Figured I should know something about him if he's going to be turning my bar into a mob scene on a Tuesday night."

"Sure you don't want to keep that?" Jared asked, pointing to the magazine in the trash. "I could go get it autographed for you. 'To Jerry, my biggest fan'," Jared teased. Jared took another drink of his beer as Jerry twapped him in the head with his dishcloth, watching the ever-growing crowd at Jensen's table. On a normal night things were far from quiet at the small bar so tonight Jared just hoped people would stay calm and not cause too much trouble, although in the pit of is stomach he knew that would be far from the case.

~~~~

"It's not about who... who you know in this bus- business. It's about who you blow," Jensen said, winking at one of the girls at his table who was hanging off his every word.

"Oooh! That sounds so dirty!" another girl squealed, leaning into Jensen so her boobs pressed against his arm. Jared did a double take from his seat at the end of the bar as he recognized her from his eleventh grade English class- Mindy or Mandy or Nancy something. Jensen, to his credit, kept his eyes above her chin and smiled drunkenly, seeming to enjoy being the center of attention.

Jared had been catching bits of their conversation all night as he moved around the bar, making sure things were going alright and saying hello to people he recognized. It was getting harder to get around Jensen's table as more and more people crowded around to listen to what he had to say and to ask questions or generally fawn all over him. Jensen didn't seem to mind though, as he kept ordering more drinks and springing for a couple rounds for the table. Jared rolled his eyes more than once on his way to and from the bar as Jensen flashed one blindingly bright smile after another and the girls seemed to collectively sigh at him, batting their lashes and trying to hold his attention for more than three seconds. Jared settled back on his stool, glancing at his watch and noting that he only had a couple more hours to go before he could finally go home and crawl into bed.

Unfortunately, that was plenty of time for complications to arise.

"Yeah, you'd know a lot about blowing, wouldn't you, Mr. Movie Star?"

The voice had come from the crowd of people around the table and Jared watched Jensen's jaw clench as he registered those words and looked around carefully. He turned around slowly to look at the rather large, and obviously drunk, meat head standing a few feet from Jensen's table, surrounded by three or four of his buddies, all trying to look intimidating.

"Yeah, that's right. Your movies suck, man. You blow!"

Jensen appeared to relax and let out a little laugh. "Hey, thanks guys. I always love getting feedback."

"You deaf, Hollywood? I said you blow," the guy repeated, getting angry with Jensen's apparent lack of reaction. Jensen just shrugged and turned back to his admiring crowd at the table. The guy got red and started to take off his coat, throwing it on the floor by his feet while his buddies tried to look threatening behind him, glaring at Jensen who seemed oblivious or was just doing a very good job of acting it.

"Oh, Ben," Mindy, Mandy or Nancy spoke up, addressing the angry guy. "Why don't you go back to your table and have another drink? You're making a fool of yourself."

Ben didn't seem to take too kindly to this suggestion because he flushed and flexed his hands into fists. He puffed up his chest and stepped up closer to Jensen's table, crooking a finger at the actor at which Jensen seemed very unimpressed. "Bring it on tough guy! You and me, right now! Show me some of your fancy fighting moves they teach you out there in fag-land!"

From across the room, Jerry and Jared watched with interest, along with everyone else in the bar who were hushed and warily keeping one eye on the table while trying to make it look like they weren't staring. Jerry threw his dishtowel on the counter and sighed, ducking under the bar and motioning for Jared to follow him.

"Come on, hotshot. That's our cue."

"Cue for what? Nothing's happened yet." Jared finished the last of his beer and caught up to him anyway.

"As much as I hate to say it, we can't let the pretty boy over there get his face all messed up on Ben's fist. I'm not all that excited at the thought of twenty camera crews hanging all over this place come morning if there's a brawl in my bar over him." Jerry jerked his thumb in Jensen's direction.

"Fair enough." Jared shrugged. They pushed through the growing crowd around Jensen's table and made it to him just in time to watch Ben step closer to Jensen while calling him out. Jensen just stared at him with open amusement, as if he didn't believe he was actually going to get totally thrashed by one of the local hotheads. Mindy, Mandy or Nancy was yelling at Ben while everyone around the table began laughing and shouting, either telling Ben to go sit down or for Jensen to be a man and show them his fancy moves from all his action movies. Jensen hadn't actually moved, and worry and fear started to creep into his face that he was trying, and failing, to mask with a drunk, stupid grin. Jerry and Jared pushed their way past people who were yelling louder and starting to shove inward to get a better view of what was happening. Jared moved around the table to Jensen's side and Jerry headed straight for Ben.

"Ben, don't you dare," Jerry yelled out as Jared glanced around, noticing a couple more bouncers trying to get the rowdy crowd to back up and stopping other skirmishes before they started. Jerry was trying to hold Ben and his buddies back as Jared grabbed Jensen by the shoulders and hauled him out of his chair from behind, inwardly groaning at the thought of the giant brawl that'd start at any moment if they didn't get out of there.

"Hey, what the hell!" Jensen shouted and tried to resist as Jared clamped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him backwards away from the table and the growing crowd.

"Just shut up. I'm getting you out of here so stop being a dick," Jared grumbled into Jensen's ear, avoiding a kick to his shins. Jensen continued to struggle half-heartedly until Jared pulled him back far enough to set him right and push him toward the emergency exit. He could still hear Ben yelling behind them.

"Just keep moving," Jared said when Jensen glanced back. Jensen glared at him and walked more or less steadily out the door. Once the door closed behind them Jensen took a moment and leaned against the wall, taking a few deep breaths.

"If you're gonna hurl, do it out here and not in my truck," Jared told him, fishing his keys out of his pocket and brushing past Jensen, who just stared at him.

"Not gettin' in your truck," he mumbled.

"You expect to get back to your hotel another way?" Jared asked.

"Call m' driver," Jensen replied.

"How long would that take, anyway? Longer than it's going to take for Ben to get kicked out of the bar and come looking for you?"

Jensen glanced at the emergency exit door for a second before pushing off the wall and following Jared. "Lead the way, Jeeves."

Jared unlocked his truck and pushed the door open from the inside for Jensen to climb in, watching carefully as he buckled himself in, not trusting Jensen to do it on his own. Jensen leaned his head back against the seat tiredly and was silent as Jared started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. The first few minutes were so quiet Jared thought Jensen had passed out beside him.

"Are you goin' to tell the papers about this?" Jensen asked suddenly, slurring slightly. Jared frowned at him.

"Is that what you want someone to do?"

"No!" Jensen replied quickly and emphatically. "'Course not. I'm not some- some teeny bopper, coked-up publicity whore! But you know, can never be too sure anymore about ev'ryone else. I'm not usually like this. Really."

"Whatever you say," Jared replied, chuckling to himself. Jensen made a face at him. "What?"

"Stop treating me like I'm drunk."

"You are drunk," Jared told him, hiding a grin.

"Yeah, but stop treating me like it. M'a nice guy."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Ackles," Jared repeated.

"Jens'n," Jensen muttered beside him. Jared cast a sidelong glance at him but ignored him - this was not how he wanted to spend his night, babysitting a drunk movie star because he pissed off the local hot-heads.

"You're staying over at the country club hotel on the north side of town, right?"

"You know where I'm staying?" Jensen asked dumbly.

"Everyone knows where you're staying, dude. You can't hide here as easy as you can in Los Angeles," Jared replied matter-of-factly. Jensen mumbled to himself and slumped down in the seat.

"What was that guy's deal, anyway?" Jensen asked, staring out the window.

"Ben? Well, that girl that was hanging off you was his girlfriend. Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"He's cheating on his actual girlfriend with her. She's a nice girl but she's trouble in the long run. You probably don't care to hear this but stay away from her if you don't want to get in more trouble," Jared told him, feeling like he was overstepping his boundaries.

"Not a problem," Jensen muttered, more to himself than anyone else. Jared raised an eyebrow but let it go; it wasn't his place to counsel Jensen Ackles on his love life and the mechanics of small minds in small towns.

"So, filming a movie. That must be interesting," Jared said to try and fill the silence. Jensen mumbled something that Jared missed and figured it meant Mr. Ackles was in no condition to and had no intention of making small talk with him so Jared flipped the radio on to the local country station instead. He glanced over at Jensen, glancing over a couple times on the ride to see if he would be more receptive to conversation, but Jensen just stared out the window, avoiding him. Jared could appreciate a companionable silence but this felt awkward and weird. He wasn't sure what kind of protocol one was supposed to follow when driving a drunk celebrity around, and frankly didn't care, but it wasn't in Jared's nature to sit quietly and ignore someone or be ignored. When he pulled up as close to the front of the hotel as he could and parked the truck Jensen jerked back to attention and tried to open the door before he realized he was still held in by the seat belt.

"Do you need..." Jared trailed off as he watched Jensen struggle with the buckle, fingers fumbling over the button to release it. He sighed and hopped out of the truck, walking around to open Jensen's door and help him with his belt. Jensen jerked away as Jared tried to lend a hand to help him out of the truck and slid out of the cab to his feet on his own without stumbling too much. Jensen's hair was mussed up and his hazel eyes were dull and bloodshot- not at all like the good looking, photo-ready man Jared was used to seeing plastered across the tabloids and magazines.

"I can take it from here," Jensen said slowly, focusing on the words. Jared held up his hands and backed away as Jensen began walking unsteadily back towards the hotel.

"Don't say thanks or anything," Jared mumbled to himself. Jensen wheeled around at Jared's deep rumble and stared at him drunkenly.

"Whasat?"

Jared took a deep breath and waved. "Night! Sleep well!"

He waited until Jensen had made his way up the front walk to the hotel's main doors and disappeared inside them before he got back in the truck. God forbid he be the guy who was put in charge of taking care of Jensen Ackles and let him end up passed out in a puddle of his own vomit instead. That would obviously be the perfect end to the most awesome night ever. Jared groaned as he realized that the movie had just started filming and Jensen Ackles was going to be the focus of the city's attention for the better part of the summer.

"Kill me now," Jared muttered as he started the truck and pulled away from the curb.

~~~~

Death would have been a welcome visitor this morning, Jensen realized as soon as he cracked one eye open to the sound of the phone ringing shrilly beside his head. He smacked at it half heartedly, knocking the receiver to the floor. He could hear someone talking at him, a recorded message or some shit, and tried to yell at it but his voice came out in a half-croak.

His lips were dry, his eyes felt gritty (fucking hell, he slept in his contacts again) and there was drool smeared across his cheek. He rolled out of bed clumsily, one foot on the floor before he landed ass-first. He slammed the phone receiver down on the cradle and winced at the noise it made. He was still in his jeans, his wrinkled shirt from the night before was buried in his sheets somewhere and he muttered a few choice words before he noticed his wallet on the floor by the foot of the bed. At least he hadn't been so drunk that he wasn't able to get himself back to the hotel and in one piece. More or less, anyway.

He stumbled to the bathroom and pissed, his eyes drifting shut as he contemplated pulling a true act of Hollywood asshole-ism and calling in sick. Or not calling in sick, for that matter, and sleeping the day away with his phones unplugged and turned off. But he wasn't like that in the slightest and the mere thought made him feel guilty at the money and time it would cost the production company, studio and everyone working much harder than himself to get this movie made. It was bad enough that he went out last night and likely made a complete ass of himself at that bar he ended up at.

He flushed and turned to wash his hands but gasped as soon as he saw his reflection. His eyes were bloodshot and sunken from the lack of sleep, his skin was pale and greenish-tinged so his freckles stood out even more than normal, his normally styled hair was pressed flat and greasy against his scalp and he had bits of drool crust around his mouth. He felt like gagging and smacked his lips, suddenly recognizing the taste of vomit in his mouth. He groaned and ran the water in the sink quickly, dunking his head under to wake himself up.

"You fucking moron," Jensen whispered to himself as he stared himself in the mirror again. The water had chilled him and made him more alert, thankfully, as he blinked water away and stared into his usually bright eyes that were dull and flat this morning, surrounded by dark lashes made spiky from the water. He cursed himself for letting his personal life, or lack thereof, affect his work. He had tried so hard to keep them separate but last night the pressure got to be too much and he had to let off some steam. Of course, all that ended up getting him was a spotty memory, a pounding headache and a funky taste in his mouth.

He pushed away from the sink and turned the shower on as cold as he could stand it as if he could shiver away the stench of the alcohol. He vaguely remembered talking with some people at the bar and there being what he could only remember as an "incident". When he tried to remember how he got home, his mind offered up nothing but... hands. He could see them as clear as if he had been sober- strong and tanned and warm. He had no idea who the hands were attached to, but it was a start.

"M'never drinking again," Jensen mumbled.

~~~~

The last person Jared expected to see at seven the very next morning was Jensen. But when he sauntered out to the car that was waiting for him to pump gas there he was, with his dark sunglasses on and cradling a large cup of coffee with both hands, looking haggard and weary. Jared chanced a smile as he walked up to the window but got little in return except a raised eyebrow.

"Fill it up, please," Jensen asked in a raspy voice, clearly not out of bed long.

"Regular?" Jared asked. Jensen simply nodded and sipped his coffee carefully. Jared shook his head and muttered to himself as he set the pump and watched the numbers. He could feel eyes on him as he stood facing away from Jensen and his side mirror but didn't bother to look back.

"Can I get the windshield washed?" Jensen called out. Jared sighed to himself and set the nozzle to continue pumping. He grabbed the squeegee and flung the excess fluid off it with a quick, practiced flick of his wrist. He made fast work of Jensen's windshield that really didn't need to be washed but he did it anyway as Jensen was being conspicuously inconspicuous, watching Jared from behind his sunglasses. Jared gave him a quick nod when he finished and returned to the rear of the car to remove the nozzle. He capped the gas tank and wiped his hands on a rag he pulled out of his back pocket before standing by the drivers side door for payment.

"Sorry, I only have a credit card," Jensen told him as he offered up a Visa. Of course he only had a credit card. Why on earth would he need to carry any money around with him, after all? Jared smiled brightly, his natural defense against annoyance, and accepted the card to run it inside. He returned a couple minutes later with the slip for Jensen to sign and handed his card back.

"Hey," Jensen started. "You... drove me home last night, right?"

Jared nodded. "Sure did."

Jensen flushed and looked at a loss for words. "I should- here, just a second." He started rustling around in his console for change or some stray bills. "I should pay you."

Jared clenched his jaw. "No, that's alright. Really."

Jensen looked up at him, noting the tension in Jared's stance, and opened his mouth again but a horn honked from behind him, startling him. Jared stepped back and gestured for him to drive on. Jensen frowned as he started the car and drove out of the parking lot while Jared waited for the next car to pull up.

"Oh my god! Was that Jensen Ackles?" the girl in the car asked breathlessly. Jared resisted the urge to crumple the signed slip in his hand and forced another smile.

"Don't know, wasn't really paying attention. What can I do for you today?"

~~~~

"Heard you had quite the night," Lynne, Jensen's assistant, said with a smirk as Jensen slumped down onto the couch in his trailer wearily. He shot her half a second of a withering look before lying down and covering his eyes with his arm.

"How in the hell would you know about that?" he asked, muffled. The tight, blood-spattered jeans his character was wearing for the scene they were shooting today were more uncomfortable than normal and he wished with all his might that he could lay on the couch forever, ignoring any contractual or moral obligation he had to show up on set again after lunch.

"Can't say there's much of a problem with paparazzi in these parts, not like in Los Angeles, but small towns don't equal anonymity. You almost getting your ass kicked at one of the local bars travels fast," Lynne chided him lightly. She crouched down beside him and stroked his hair in a mothering way. "What happened, Jensen?"

"I don't know," Jensen mumbled, keeping the hand over his face. Lynne reached out to pull it back gently. "Seriously. I got drunk, I know that much. There was a confrontation and someone got me out of the way before anything happened. Then he drove me back to the hotel."

"Jensen..." Lynne started with a sigh.

"I know, okay? It was irresponsible, dangerous and stupid. I could have put the production, jobs and my career on the line. I get it."

"I wasn't going to say that. I mean, yes to all of it but that wasn't what I was going to say." Jensen raised an eyebrow at her. "Stop being so hard on yourself. You made a choice for your career but that's not a crime. I just wish you'd be yourself."

"I am," Jensen said flatly, sitting up. "And I don't want to talk about it."

"Just-"

"No."

"Think about it, alright? The world wouldn't end, you know. What's keeping you back?"

"Stop it, Lynne," Jensen said in a warning tone, low and dangerous. Lynne put her hands up in surrender and stood up.

"They're still setting up on set. Take a nap if you need to, drink some water and pop a couple Advil. I'll be back later to make sure you haven't swallowed your tongue."

"Thanks." Jensen waited until she left the trailer and closed the door behind him before slumping back on the couch again and sighing.

Sometimes he wondered if he could drown in his own self-pity and then groaned and gave himself a mental kick to the head. Other people, normal people, might give celebrities a hard shake because their lives were supposedly so perfect, but little did any of them know that Jensen's harshest critic was himself.

~~~~

"Oh, we have to get some paper plates and stuff to take to the party on Thursday, too."

Jared winced as he walked through the crowded mall with his girlfriend, Sandy. It was the first time they'd been able to do anything together in a couple weeks because of their constantly-conflicting schedules and of course the only thing they had time to do before he started his shift at the bar tonight was go to the mall. Sandy noticed his expression and sighed.

"Are you serious, Jared? You're working again?" Sandy asked, stopping to look up at him. She barely reached his shoulder but the way she looked up at him with those disappointed brown eyes made him feel like a dwarf next to her. He sometimes wondered how he ever ended up with her to begin with- she was Sandy McCoy, the most popular girl in high school, who had seen something in Jared and asked him out. After that they just were and had been ever since. Their families and friends thought of them as a set, a package deal - JaredandSandy- and until recently when their schedules kept them apart more than together, so did Jared.

"Lance needed the night off," Jared said apologetically. "His girlfriend's got some big company dinner party or something and she really wants him to be there."

"But I really want you to be there with me on Thursday. People look at you funny when you go to a party alone," Sandy complained.

"C'mon, Sandy. There'll be other parties; the summer's just starting. I'll make the next one, I promise."

"Yeah," she said softly, frowning. She opened her mouth to say something more but her cell phone rang and she answered it quickly, holding up a finger for Jared to wait a second. "Hello? Hey Chri- what? Are you shitting me? Where?" Jared raised an eyebrow as Sandy grabbed his arm and started pulling him through the mall while still on her phone. Jared followed, confused as Sandy got more excited by the second.

"Sandy. Sandy." He tried to get her to stop but she flipped her phone shut and grabbed his hand tighter.

"Come on! He's here!"

"Who?" Jared shook his head.

"Jensen Ackles!" Sandy replied breathlessly. Jared groaned out loud and came to a complete stop.

"No. We're not spending the afternoon following him around the mall while he shops for man panties or whatever the hell it is he buys."

"Stop being such a stick in the mud, Jared. I just want to see what he looks like up close. If he's as cute as he is in the magazines," Sandy laughed, then stuck out her lower lip. "Please?"

"I've seen as much of Jensen Ackles as I ever want to, thanks," Jared replied dryly.

"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously.

"He was at the bar last week. Because of him there was almost a bar brawl and I had to drive his drunk ass home."

"Jared!" Sandy squealed. Jared turned red and noticed people turning to stare at them. "You didn't tell me!"

"What's there to tell? He was drunk, I drove him home. He was quiet and kinda stuck up."

"Oh, we have to go now! You know him!" She grabbed his hand and started pulling him through the mall again. Jared tried to get her to stop but Sandy would have none of it and dragged him to a men's store where there were some people gathered outside, some with cameras, watching through the window at what Jared presumed had to be Jensen. Sandy pushed to the front of the small group and gasped.

"That's him!" She exclaimed, pointing. Jared grabbed her hand and held it down, trying to get her to move out of the way. She bounced excitedly and gasped again when she saw him with some bags and walking toward the door with some guy Jared figured was a body guard or a manager or something.

"Come on!" Sandy pulled Jared toward the doors and squeezed his hand. "Say something to him when he comes out, okay?"

"Like what, Sandy? I don't know him!"

"Think of something!" She hissed as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and rubbed her teeth with her finger hurriedly. Once Jensen stepped out of the store there were camera flashes going off all around him and Jared tipped his head down to avoid being blinded while Sandy jerked her hand away from him to try and reach out to Jensen. He must have felt her hand on his arm because he turned around and looked at Jared.

"Hey," Jensen said casually, searching his face as if trying to think of something to say. Jared held a groan in and gave him a small smile and a nod.

"How's it going?"

"Good." Jared nodded again. Jensen was going to say something else but the guy with him whispered something in his ear and tried to guide him away instead. He looked vaguely disappointed and waved to Jared.

"Catch you later, hey?" Jared jerked his head slightly and stepped back as some of the crowd surged forward to follow Jensen through the mall. Sandy watched, disappointed, before turning around and slapping him on the arm.

"You could have said something else, Jared. Introduced me or something!"

"I don't know him! How can I introduce you when he doesn't even know my name?"

"Oh, well. He's here for awhile longer. If I meet him I could make some connections! Wouldn't that be exciting, Jared?"

"Thrilling," Jared muttered under his breath and let Sandy pull him through the mall again, set on shopping for those damn paper plates.

~~~~

Jerry greeted him at the swinging door to the bar's kitchen with a wide, knowing grin. Jared took one look at him and groaned, knowing it had to have something to do with Jensen. He cocked his head and didn't have to say a word before Jerry explained that the set had ordered food for their cast and crew- something about the craft services truck breaking down and there being dozens of half-starved Hollywood types running around freaking out. Jared just happened to be the lucky someone who was 'volunteered' to take the three big boxes of food over to their set.

Jared could see a couple waitresses snickering with the cooks, clearly having heard about his repeated run-ins with Jensen and he gave them all the finger as he gathered what he needed and carried the boxes of food to his truck. He was given directions to a warehouse downtown that was acting as their set and managed to find parking somewhat close to the building. He cleared security easily and walked into the mess of lights and cords and people slowly, unsure of where to go or who to see. Jerry told him the name of the person that had phoned the order in but no one on set was wearing a name tag and none of them looked particularly interested in stopping to help him out.

He found a picnic table and set the food down as he looked around and tried to figure out exactly what was going on. He shifted uneasily from foot to foot before reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out his cell phone, hoping Jerry would be able to call whoever had ordered back and tell them he was waiting there with the food. He'd just dialed the number when a slight girl wearing a headset and carrying a clipboard rushed up to him.

"Are you from the restaurant?" she asked breathlessly.

"Yeah, from Jer-"

"Great, I can get a check for you if you have a receipt," she said, cutting him off. Jared handed over the bill wordlessly and watched her rush off to find someone to sign the cheque for the food, leaving Jared to take in the chaos around him. People were running all over the place with various props and clipboards and walkie talkies, barking orders while directing others to take these papers to set or to find someone needed for the next scene they were shooting. There was so much happening at once he couldn't understand how they got anything done at all. He shuffled awkwardly, feeling like he stood out like a sore thumb just standing there with nothing to do but wait.

Jared walked a few steps away from the picnic table to check out the set more, trying to figure out where the cables and cords ran to and if there was any actual filming going on at the moment. He could see some trailers beyond the cluttered busy area he was in with names typed up on the doors, including one for his favorite shadow, Jensen Ackles. Jared sighed, doomed to be haunted by the guy forever - or at least the summer - it seemed, and turned back to see none other than Jensen fucking Ackles.

Jensen blinked and pointed at him, recognizing Jared. "Oh, hey. How's it going? You're... sorry, did I get your name?" Jensen asked, wrinkling his forehead as if he were trying to remember Jared's name.

"It's Jared. Pada-"

Suddenly a woman brushed past him and up to Jensen, ignoring Jared. "Jensen, we need you on set in five minutes. Make sure Jeannie does something to your hair, what's up with that?"

Jensen frowned and tried to dodge away as she ran her fingers through his hair and tried to fluff it up. He grabbed her wrist and shoved her arm away gently although he was clearly annoyed. "Jesus Christ, Lynne. Give it up, would you? Can I have five minutes of peace? Please?"

Jared raised an eyebrow as she rolled her eyes at Jensen and backed off. "Fine. Five minutes."

"Sorry about that," Jensen said once she left. He picked through the bags Jared brought and tore into it eagerly. He opened one of the Styrofoam containers and started picking at the fries immediately. "This yours?"

Jared shrugged. "From the bar I work at."

Jensen flushed a little at the mention of Jerry's and swallowed hard. "Hey, look man. I hope-"

"Got it!" The PA jogged back to Jared, holding a signed check. "There you go. Thanks for the food, guy!" Jared smiled and saluted before turning to head back to his car, leaving Jensen standing there staring after him.

"Hey! J-James? Sorry- what's your name again?" Jensen called out as Jared started to walk away. He turned back to Jensen and shrugged again.

"Don't worry about it, it's not important. Have a nice day, Mr. Ackles."

Jared continued back to his car and ignored whatever Jensen said next, though it sounded suspiciously like, 'I told you it was Jensen.' The last thing Jared was going to do now was play into Jensen's ego and become one of his dedicated fans, no matter how badly the guy wanted him to.

~~~~

Jensen felt bad for not remembering the guy's name and he could tell he was pissed. Jensen figured that since he was getting to know the guy, even inadvertently, the least he could do was know his name. He wanted to thank him properly for dragging his drunk ass out of the bar that night, but he seemed totally disinterested in hearing anything Jensen had to say or any thanks he might have. In fact, he seemed to be one of the only people in the town who wasn't fawning all over him all the time.

Jensen had to admit- it was intriguing. It wasn't that he came to expect people falling at his feet, but ever since he'd arrived to start filming he couldn't take a shit without someone thinking he should win an Oscar for it and it was really beginning to wear on his nerves. The studio was grooming him to be their next big star, their next giant talking head to paste on billboards and shove into blockbusters to make money. He was cool with that- it was his job, right? But at the same time he was growing more and more wary and weary of wondering who was there because they had a genuine interest in him and what he had to say and who was there to ride his coattails to fame.

This guy from the bar and the gas station and the mall- the ubiquitous tall, lanky, shaggy-haired guy with the strong, lean hands - seemed to be haunting him, almost. Everywhere he turned or looked or breathed, this guy was there. Jensen didn't believe in fate but he was beginning to wonder if it was a sign because there was no way in hell, even in a small city of this size, he could run into this guy all the time. Unless Jensen was doing it himself, purposefully putting himself in places he knew this guy would be. Which brought up another very interesting question- what was it about this guy that he would make Jensen want to do that?

"I can smell rubber," the PA, Tracy, spoke up suddenly.

"Huh?" Jensen asked, stupidly, turning to her with his burger in one hand, forgotten.

"If you think any harder I'll be seeing smoke," she teased. Jensen flushed and she giggled at him. She grabbed a couple of the bags and flashed him a smile and a wink before rushing to take the dinners to other people on set. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her glance back at him but he didn't look at her.

He really didn't want to encourage her; the last thing he wanted to explain to anyone was that she wasn't his type because she didn't have shaggy hair and strong hands.

~~~~

"Oh, come on," Jared groaned when he saw who walked into the bar an hour into his shift a few days after his last encounter with Jensen on set. He was standing behind the bar with Jerry, helping him stack some glasses before the big rush hit while they shot the shit about this game and that player. "What's that about?"

"What's what about?" Jerry asked, glancing in the direction Jared was looking. Jensen Ackles had just walked in the bar and it seemed like every single head in the place turned toward him as one. Immediately the bar got quiet and then buzzed again, louder than before, as everyone started talking to each other with constant glances in Jensen's direction. Jensen kept his eyes low, avoiding their gazes and looked for a table.

"He's everywhere I am this week. It's getting ridiculous! I kept his ass from being beat down, drove him home and he can't even remember my damn name," Jared complained, pulling the dishtowel from his back pocket and throwing it on the counter in frustration.

"You want him to remember your name?" Jerry raised an eyebrow.

Jared flushed and shook his head. "It just might be nice if we're going to keep running into each other, is all. I know he's a big movie star and everything but a 'thanks, Jared' when I pump his gas or bring him food or, I don't know, save his face from permanent disfigurement might be nice."

"Awww, muffin," Jerry teased. "Want some cheese with that whine?"

"Fuck off," Jared mumbled, a smile tugging at his lips. He continued stacking glasses, but out of the corner of his eye he watched Jensen choose a smaller table this week, one out of the way and somewhat secluded so he could see but not be seen. The other patrons in the bar were keeping their distance tonight and some were casting glances between Jensen and Ben, as if waiting for the aborted brawl from the week before to break out. Jensen was either a better actor than Jared gave him credit for, or he was totally oblivious to the attention he was drawing. One of the waitresses made an eager beeline for his table, cocking her hip playfully as she batted her eyelashes and took his order with a big smile, but Jensen barely gave her a second glance as he ordered quickly.

"I'm going to go make some rounds, make sure the boys know to keep an eye out for any more trouble, " Jerry said with a significant look in Jensen's direction as he clapped Jared on the shoulder. Jared watched him greet a few patrons and shake the hands of some others, welcoming them to the bar before Jared picked his dishcloth up and turned to check on things in the kitchen. He caught Jensen's eye for a split second before the actor ducked his head and avoided Jared's gaze. Jared could feel his cheeks heating up again even as he shook his head and fled to the back.

Closer to midnight found Jared rushing about behind the bar helping the bartenders and pouring beers for the patrons. As he predicted, the crowd grew and a lot of them were watching Jensen's table like hawks while tapping a foot or a finger to the beat of the live band. One of the other bouncers told Jared there was even a line outside to get into the bar, which was pretty much unheard of at Jerry's.

"You boys better be looking out for Hollywood over there tonight," Patty, Jensen's flirty waitress who had been rebuffed, shouted at them over the music as she passed her drink orders to one of the bartenders. Jared shot another glance over to Jensen's table quickly to make sure he was all right. Helping out the bartenders had kept him busy for the night and he barely had time to exchange a few words with the customers, let alone watch over Jensen.

"What's up? He getting drunk again?" Jared asked, turning back to Patty with frown.

Patty shook her head. "He's only had two. But Ben," she jerked her head toward the opposite corner where Ben and his buddies were staring at Jensen from across the room and talking to each other in low tones. "He's already two sheets to the wind and none too happy to see Jensen here tonight."

Jerry, who'd walked up behind Jared without him noticing, clapped him on the shoulder. "Looks like you've got babysitting duty again tonight, son."

Jared rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, and frowned again as if put out, but kept a more vigilant eye on Jensen. Just in case.

~~~~

Jensen swore lightly under his breath when he'd seen Ben walk into the bar earlier that night. All he wanted was a quiet, calm night alone to enjoy the band that was playing at the bar. He normally wouldn't be out on a night like this, when he had to film the next day and he'd already made an ass out of himself at this particular bar once, but people on set had said good things about the band and staring at the walls of his hotel room was starting to drive him around the bend.

Once the band started to play it seemed like things were going to stay fairly quiet for the night, however, and Jensen let himself relax and enjoy the music. He ignored the stares and whispers in his direction and communicated through his body language and refusal to meet anyone's gaze that he was content to be alone this evening. He did notice Jared across the bar, though, and caught his eye for a split second before he glanced down at the table, feeling a blush staining his cheeks at the thought of being caught staring. He tried to stay inconspicuous about it but he watched Jared all night as he worked, taking in the bright, wide smile that came easily when he didn't know that people were staring and his eyes that lit up with every laugh that erupted from him. Jensen had done some investigating after Jared brought the food to the set earlier in the week and learned his name, so maybe the next time their paths intersected - and Jensen was sure they would because he was half-tempted to deliberately seek him out - he could maybe strike up an actual conversation with the guy.

The waitress kept checking on him and flashing him a big grin along with a hint of cleavage throughout the night, but Jensen was happy to nurse his two beers, not anxious to have a repeat of the previous week. When Ben and his friends walked into the bar, Jensen feared an immediate problem but they stayed on the other side of the room, a safe distance away from Jensen, and shot him menacing looks instead. Jensen avoided their gazes as well and concentrated on the band and casting furtive glances in Jared's direction.

At some point Jared took a break from rushing around behind the bar and took a seat at the end of the bar with his own beer, sipping it while watching the crowd and drumming his fingers on the counter top to the beat of the band. Jensen used the opportunity to watch him closer and took in how his lanky frame straddled the bar stool, sneakered feet barely hooked comfortably on the bottom rung because his legs were so damn long. His jeans were holey and worn in all the right places, showing signs of age and favoritism. He was wearing a simple blue short-sleeved button up shirt over a wife beater and his shaggy, wavy hair was sticking to his forehead from the heat in the stuffy bar. Even from across the room Jensen could tell Jared worked out a lot. His shirt was tight across his arms and chest and he could see the muscles in his arm flex and relax as he brought the bottle to his mouth. The jeans were baggy enough to hide his legs but Jensen suspected they were as built as the rest of him. To put it in the plainest terms possible- the boy was easy on the eyes.

Every now and then Jensen could feel eyes on him as he watched the band, but when he would look over at Jared his eyes would be trained on anything but Jensen. It felt like they were playing a game to see who could catch the other one staring first and it was getting somewhat frustrating for Jensen. He considered just sucking it up and going over to talk to Jared, try and smooth out the vibe he kept getting from Jared every time they met, but he was interrupted before he could do anything.

"Are you retarded, movie star?" Ben called out as he approached Jensen's table with his buddies. "I figured after last week and the way you ran out of here you wouldn't be back. Guess I underestimated how stupid you are."

Jensen sat back in his chair and looked up at Ben, jaw clenched. "Look man, I'm not here to cause any trouble. I'm minding my own business over here, not bothering anyone. I'm sorry for whatever happened last week, if you thought I was hitting on your girl. Let's not do this, all right?"

It occured to Jensen suddenly that perhaps no one had ever really tried to reason with Ben before when he wanted to fight them because he looked downright confused as he mulled Jensen's words over. Ben didn't seem to be much of a thinker though, and instead of trying to figure out what Jensen was saying he stepped forward quickly and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulling him out of his chair. Jensen reached his fill of being picked on and bullied by the drunk townie and reached out to grab Ben's shirt in the same kind of grip and pulled him closer, growling under his breath. It seemed that Ben wasn't used to someone giving back what Ben dished out and his eyes widened, grip slackening just a little. Jensen tried to pull away from him, but Ben narrowed his eyes and wrapped his fist tighter, growling back at Jensen while people started to gather around them, chanting and catcalling.

Maybe staying at the hotel for the night and staring at the walls was the best plan after all, Jensen thought to himself ruefully.

~~~~

Jared had only just allowed himself to think that maybe that night was going to be easy going after all when Ben sauntered up to Jensen's table, all drunken, weaving swagger and cocky bullshit. Jared swallowed the rest of his beer quickly and called for Jerry who was at the other end of the bar. Jerry muttered something under his breath and joined Jared as they watched what was going down, each hoping for their own reasons that this was only going to be a peaceful, quiet one-on-one conversation that was not going to escalate under any circumstances.

A guy could hope, right?

As soon as Jared and Jerry saw Ben grab Jensen by the shirt and haul him out of his chair they began making their way through the crowd quickly, clearing people away. "Jared!" Jerry yelled out to him, rushing toward the pair who were grappling with each other and gestured for him to circle around. Jared hurried around the back of the table and brought an arm down between the two as Jerry started to pull Ben backwards. The other bouncers were already escorting Ben's friends out of the bar to a chorus of cheers and a few boos from the other patrons. Jared grabbed the back of Jensen's shirt and pulled him backwards, getting a smack to Ben's face in first with his other hand.

"Oops," he said loudly, to no one in particular. He could hear Jensen chuckle in front of him as he pulled him backwards, away from Ben's outstretched fist. Jared could hear sirens over the rowdy crowd and sighed in relief as some of the patrons started to move toward the front exit at the sound.

"Come on, Ackles," he said loudly and together they left the bar, slipping through the back door in a way that was starting to feel like déjà vu.

Jared didn't have to prod Jensen to get in the truck this week. He followed Jared out the back door of the bar and waited for him to unlock the cab of the truck before climbing in slowly. Jared pulled out of the parking lot and headed in the direction of Jensen's hotel, figuring another night was shot to hell.

"Do you have to take me back to the hotel?" Jensen asked suddenly as he turned to Jared who shrugged.

"Guess not. Did you want to go to another bar or something?"

"God, no. I'm not a bar guy, actually. Is there... I don't know, some place quiet to go? Some place where there's no one around?"

Jared thought for a second. "Yeah, I think I could take you somewhere."

~~~~

"Where are we?" Jensen asked when Jared finally stopped at the edge of a public playing field and park. Jensen didn't say a word as Jared drove them to the outskirts of the small city, so Jared figured it probably would have been a bad idea to make a wisecrack about this being where he usually stashed the bodies. When he put the truck in park, Jared climbed out and grabbed a blanket from behind the seat without answering him. Jensen followed him slowly and watched as Jared hopped into the bed of the truck and spread the blanket out.

"This is about as quiet and secluded you can get around these parts. This is one of the quieter areas around here and no one ever bothers me. It's got the best show around for free, too," Jared told him, gesturing upward. Jensen looked up and noticed how bright the stars were from where they were. Jared sat down on the blanket in the bed of the truck and looked at him expectantly.

"Well? It's either this or I take you back to your hotel," he drawled before laying back, hands folded on his chest. Jensen hopped up into the bed and laid down beside Jared, their arms brushing lightly as he did. He moved around, getting comfortable against the rough blanket that provided the bare minimum of protection against the hard bottom of the truck.

They lay in silence for a long time. Jensen half thought that Jared had fallen asleep but when he glanced over he noticed Jared's eyes were open and clear as they stared up at the night sky. Jensen got the feeling that this was the most still that Jared ever got outside of sleep and realized with a start that this was probably the first time that he could remember that he'd been able to do absolutely nothing. He sighed and felt some of the pent-up tension he'd been carrying relax from his body.

"So your name is Jared?" Jensen finally asked, cutting through the silence, trying to think of something to say.

"Was wondering when you were going to figure that out," Jared replied dryly.

"Sorry," Jensen mumbled. They lapsed into silence again and Jensen wondered if this was such a good idea after all, hanging out with someone who seemed to outright hate him, or so it seemed.

"I take it you don't have much time to look at the stars if you wanted? Or anything, really?" Jared asked softly, startling Jensen somewhat. Jensen shook his head slowly.

"No time to do much but work these days," he agreed. "It's great, don't get me wrong. I love my job and being able to do what I do. But it would be nice to get more than a day of downtime off."

"What do you normally do on your days off?"

"Sleep," Jensen replied truthfully. "I forward my calls to my assistant, Lynne - you saw her when you came to set last week - and sleep as late as I can. It usually fucks up my schedule and my system but it's so worth it."

"So hanging out at bars and pissing off the locals to the point of causing a riot generally isn't your thing?"

Jensen laughed. "Fuck no! I really didn't mean to get so drunk last week; I was just angry and pissed off and - well, doesn't matter. I'm really not usually like that. And tonight I just wanted to hear the band. I've heard some things about them before and thought it would be cool to catch them live. So much for that."

"Maybe next time," Jared replied softly and Jensen nodded. "Does that suck?"

"What?"

"Not being able to go anywhere without causing a scene?"

"It takes its toll," Jensen replied, picking at the pills on the blanket by his side. "I guess you just get used to it. Never thought I would, really, but then one day I realized that I'd learned to ignore it all."

"I don't think I ever could."

"You think that but then you just... do. It becomes part of the day to day, you know? Dealing with the crowds and making up bullshit PR and all that crap. Half the time I just have to stand there and smile and wave. My people do the rest."

"Your people," Jared snorted and Jensen laughed.

"I know, right? Sounds so..."

"Pompous?"

"I was going for lame but yeah, I guess. I hope I don't come off that way. Do I?" Jensen asked, turning to look at Jared, slightly anxious. Jared shrugged awkwardly.

"People are going to think what they want to, you know? You could say you weren't stuck up as much as you wanted, not going to change the way people are determined to think about you. If they hate you, they hate you."

There was a pause and then, "Do you hate me?"

Jared blinked. "No?"

"No?"

"Should I?"

"I don't want you to. But you haven't really been... You don't seem that impressed with me, I guess."

"Alright, I'll cop to it. I thought you were a stuck up, arrogant, pretty boy movie star when you got to town."

"You thought? And now?"

"Eh. You're not as stuck up as I thought you'd be." Jared could see Jensen out of the corner of his eye and waited to see how he would react. Jensen frowned, blinked, and then burst out laughing- a deep, loud chuckle that lit up his whole face. Jared looked over and saw the crinkles around his eyes as Jensen laughed hard and long. Jared started shake with his own laughter and soon it echoed back at them, bouncing off the trees.

"I just don't see what all the noise is over. You seem to be an all right guy and all, but I don't feel the need to treat you like you're the second coming," Jared explained once they settled down, now more relaxed.

"Believe me when I say thank you, then. People put you on a pedestal in this business and think that if they kiss your ass enough they'll be famous for it, or something. The attention is nice, sure, but after awhile you have to resist the urge to tell people to fuck off."

"But if you said that everyone would think you were an asshole and hard to work with or worse, as having gone off the deep end?" Jared continued for him and Jensen nodded.

"Basically. It's a no-win situation. You learn to put up with the bullshit and weed out the ones who are just hanging on for fun from the people who are in it for the long haul with you."

"Sounds like high school," Jared muttered.

"Yeah, pretty much. Only with more money and a few more mind games," Jensen laughed in agreement. They fell silent for a few minutes before Jensen worked up the nerve to speak again. "I gotta admit, Jared- you had me intrigued. It felt like the more we ran into each other, the more annoyed you seemed with me. Every time I turned around- there you were," Jensen told him.

"So were you!" Jared laughed. "You're right, everywhere I went- there you were. Between the constant updates in the news about filming and what happened during filming for the day and the daily Jensen sighting and you popping up everywhere I looked, I was wondering if someone was trying to tell me something."

"Like what?" Jensen asked with a smile.

"Save his ass in the bar again?"

Jensen let out a bark of laughter at that. "Did I ever thank you for driving me home last weekend, by the way?"

"No," Jared replied truthfully. No sense in sucking up to the guy now after he'd just put it all on the line to potentially offend the shit out of him.

"Yeah, sorry about that. And thank you, really. If it hadn't been for you and the other people that work at your bar I'd have been messed up pretty badly. You saved my ass."

"Yeah, I did," Jared replied modestly. Jensen snorted and smacked him on the arm lightly.

"Now who's pompous?"

"You gotta let me have one, dude, come on, now. You make out with people like Scarlett Johanssen and Christina Ricci on a daily basis. The least you can do is let me think I saved your scrawny ass," Jared joked with him.

"All right, I'll give you that. And I'll let the 'scrawny ass' thing slide," Jensen warned. Jared laughed and nodded and for the first time all week Jensen could relax as he started to realize his mystery hero was just a regular guy with a killer smile.

~~~~

"Thanks again, man. I really needed to get away," Jensen said as he got out of the truck at the hotel later that night. They lay out in the bed of the truck for an hour or so more, talking easily but mostly enjoying the peace and quiet, before Jensen reluctantly said he had to work early the next morning. Jared drove him back to his hotel in the city with the local country station playing softly while he asked Jensen for the funniest things that happened to him on the sets of different films.

Jensen turned back to Jared and smiled after he climbed out of the cab, and suddenly Jared understood exactly why he was wanted by so many people, male or female, and why he was featured on the cover of any and every magazine from here to Timbuktu. He felt his cheeks get red and he wanted to hate himself for changing his mind so easily over this guy he'd basically taken a moralistic stance against, but Jensen really was a nice guy.

"Hey Jensen?" Jared called out as Jensen started to walk away.

"Yeah?" He turned back quickly.

"I don't think you're arrogant, either," Jared told him. Jensen paused and then laughed.

"But you still think I'm pretty?" he called back, batting his eyelashes.

"You keep that up you'll go back to being stuck up," Jared warned, pointing a finger. Jensen laughed again and Jared watched until he disappeared into the hotel.

~~~~

Jared had counted the tiles in the ceiling three times now and he'd gotten three different numbers. Clearly he was just going to have to keep counting until he got a firm answer on how many there were. And that was just how bored Jared was.

The gas station was dead. Game night at the high school was always quiet but tonight it was downright desolate. He was bored as fuck and anxious to get out of there so he could do anything else. He leaned back in the chair behind the counter and started counting the tiles again, wondering if he could play the cloud game with the water stains on the tiles.

Jared didn't stir when someone drove over the gas station bell, alerting him that a car had driven into the parking lot. He hit the button on the automated pump operator so they could get their gas and continued counting, head tipped back away from the door.

"They must pay you a lot, huh?"

Jared jerked his head up at the voice that had seemingly come from nowhere. He hadn't heard the door open and assumed whoever had arrived was still getting their gas. He looked over and saw Jensen standing on the other side of the counter, grinning at him. Jared felt his face going red and rubbed his palms on his knees nervously.

"Not as much as you, Ackles," he replied with a sheepish grin. "Gassing up?"

"No, I actually stopped by to see you."

"Me?" Jared blinked.

It was Jensen's turn to blush and shuffle nervously. "Yeah, well, I just thought after, you know, Saturday night that we could maybe hang out or something. I mean, if you wanted."

"You want to hang out with me?" Jared asked, cocking his head. Jensen shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and shrugged, turning red again.

"Well, you haven't tried to kick my ass yet so you're pretty much number one in my books right now," Jensen said with a smile and Jared laughed. "Besides, you're doing a good job of keeping my ass in line. The least I can do is let you hang out with me, right? Being a big movie star and all?" Jensen asked. Jared wheeled around to look at him and snorted loudly. Jensen let out a bark of laughter and clapped him on the back. "Anything exciting to do 'round these parts?"

"Not really, but I think I can find us something to do," Jared replied with a grin.

~~~~

"The bar?" Jensen questioned as they got out of the truck. They left Jensen's rental at the gas station and let Jared drive since he knew his way around, once he locked up the gas station.

"It's dead in here tonight, I can guarantee. The guys just sit around and play cards. Not much else to do, unless you want to go make a spectacle of yourself and show up at the basketball game at the high school?"

"Cards are fine," Jensen told him firmly. Jared held the door open for him and they disappeared inside. Once inside Jensen could see that Jared was right, the bar was dead. There were maybe twelve people inside, some playing pool while the rest sat at the bar and scattered throughout the large room. Jensen trailed behind as Jared made a beeline for the group of guys sitting at a table in the far corner of the room. Jared greeted them all with smiles and high fives while Jensen stood awkwardly behind him, not sure if this was such a good idea after all.

"Hey guys," Jared spoke up after saying hello to everyone. He stepped aside and grabbed Jensen by the jacket and pulled him forward. "This is Jensen. He's going to sit in with us tonight."

"Hey," Jensen said, offering a grin and a nod, trying not to look as out of place as he felt. The three other guys regarded him with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion, narrowing their eyes at him. Jensen shoved his hands in his pockets and slouched a little, staring the biggest guy back in the eyes.

"Jensen, this is Toby, Dave, and Landon. Guys, this is Jensen." Jensen could feel the guys sizing him up with their eyes, wondering who this new guy was who was about to intrude on their male regular no-outsiders-allowed bonding time. He caught a couple of them exchanging glances and he could imagine what they were thinking- pretty boy movie star trying to be one of the regular Joe's. Maybe Jensen couldn't always play the normal guy, but it didn't mean he couldn't try. Dave, the big one Jensen was engaged in a staring contest with, finally looked away and Jensen saw an opening.

"Are we gonna sit around waiting for our dicks to shrivel up or are we gonna play cards?" Jensen finally spoke up, breaking the silence. Dave grabbed the deck of cards and tossed them on the table in front of Jensen while Jared grabbed a couple chairs and the boys made room for them, squeezing around the too-small table but making them all fit.

"Newbie's deal," Dave declared, leaning back in his chair to watch. Jensen picked up the deck and shuffled quickly, clicking the cards loudly as he sorted them easily.

"You're not a card shark or anything, right?" Jared leaned over and asked quietly but still loud enough for everyone to hear, his eyes on Jensen's hands as he kept shuffling neatly. Jensen just winked and started dealing while Jared hid a grin and glanced around the table at the other guys who looked like they were gearing up for a long battle. Jensen bit back a grin and watched Jared out of the corner of his eye as he drew up his cards, laid out the stakes and settled back in his chair, relaxed and calm.

~~~~

"Sorry about that," Jared apologized once they left the bar after midnight. Jensen looked over as they walked to Jared's truck, surprised.

"For what?"

"I didn't think they'd rag on you as hard as they did."

Jensen laughed. "Jared, that was probably the most normal night out I've had in months. Hanging out with the guys, playing cards, drinking some beer? Hell of a lot more fun than putting on a suit and going to some stuffy studio gathering with a bunch of people who only want to talk profit margins and international box office hauls."

"Yeah, that would be pretty fucking lame, huh? I'm glad you had fun. The guys think you're okay, too. Don't be surprised if a couple of them try to hit you up for some supermodel's phone number or something stupid," Jared told him with a grin. He unlocked the truck for Jensen and walked around to his side and climbed in.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?" Jensen asked as Jared started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.

"It's my first night off in a few weeks so I think I'll be kicking back with Sandy." Jensen raised a questioning eyebrow. "My girlfriend."

"You have a girlfriend?" Jensen asked, surprised. "I mean, I just haven't heard you mention her."

"We've been together for so long sometimes I forget to mention her," Jared laughed. "Don't tell her that."

"Sure," Jensen murmured. He never really stopped to consider the idea that Jared might be attached to someone. He was always on his own, hanging out with Jensen now and Jensen had to admit to himself- it kind of knocked the wind out of him, much to his dismay.

"Yeah, she works for a temping agency downtown and does the acting thing on weekends."

"She's an actress?" Jensen asked, surprised again.

"Trying to be," Jared told him with a shrug. "She's done some community theatre and went to Dallas for some modeling thing. She keeps telling me we have to move somewhere like New York or Los Angeles, but I don't know."

"It's definitely better to live in one of those places if you want to get a job in show business," Jensen agreed. "But it's not for everyone."

"That's what I keep telling her. She does alright for herself here in the theatre, and she could do some commercials. I don't know. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, right? So what did you have planned for tomorrow?" Jared asked with a grin.

"Nothing, really. That's why I asked you, in case you wanted to do something. But since it's the first night you get to hang with your girl..."

"Hey, why don't you come over to my place? I can get some hamburgers to barbecue, maybe invite some of the guys over, have some beer. And Sandy would love to meet you. She's a little... excitable," Jared explained, looking embarrassed.

"I couldn't do that, man. You should spend some time with her. You don't need to hang out with my loser ass," Jensen laughed.

"No, really. It would be something small with a few people, kicking back and relaxing. What time are you off tomorrow? You could come right after you're done. My place isn't much, but there's enough room for the barbecue outside on the balcony and usually a couple people bring guitars so we can sit outside and do whatever. It's not nearly as exciting as what you probably get up to in California with your friends but-"

"Jared." Jensen reached out and squeezed Jared's arm lightly to get him to look at him, then pulled it back quickly. "It's okay, really. Like I said, I don't get to do this stuff very often. I'm down for anything."

"Great!" Jared waited until he pulled up in front of Jensen's hotel and then reached across the cab to the glove compartment to grab a piece of paper and a pen. "Here's my address. Show up around seven, if you're off in time, and we'll take it from there. I'll tell the guys."

"Want me to bring anything?" Jensen offered as Jared shoved the paper in his hand.

Jared shrugged. "The caviar and hors d'oeuvre's?"

"Sheeyah. You wish, bitch," Jensen laughed as he got out of the cab.

"Had to try, jerk," Jared threw back. "We should be okay. Bring some beer or something."

Jensen saluted. "Will do. Thanks for tonight, Jared. It was fun."

"No problem. See you tomorrow!"

Jensen waved as he walked up the walkway to the hotel, resisting the urge to kick his heels up because that was just a little too gay- even for him.

~~~~

Jensen ran a hand through his hair nervously as he waited outside Jared's apartment door for someone to let him in. He was carrying a couple different cases of beer, not sure what to get or what people would drink. Truth be told, Jensen didn't really have many friends, even back in Los Angeles. He was a very private person and often found it hard to open up to people because he wasn't sure if he would be able to trust them in the long run. He surrounded himself with work and the best management team he could find and tried to protect himself the best he could from everything else. It seemed to be working, so far - until Jared, that was. He didn't have long to dwell on that thought because the door swung open, revealing Toby from the night before with a grin on his face and a bunch more people milling about inside.

"Ackles! Come on in, man!" Toby moved aside and let Jensen through with a grin.

"Where should I put this?" Jensen asked, gesturing to the beer. Toby grabbed one of the cases from him and jerked his head for Jensen to follow to the kitchen where a few people were standing around talking. They said hey and smiled at him, then went back to their conversation. Either Jared prepared all of his friends well or he knew the coolest people ever.

"Where's Jared?" Jensen asked once the beer was tucked away in the fridge and he grabbed a cold one for himself, twisting the cap off the bottle.

"He's outside on the balcony, playing chef. Better get out there quick if you like your meat rare, 'cause Jared only has two settings- burnt and charcoal," Toby told him with a wry smile, pointing toward the patio doors through the living room. "Maybe later we can get a card game going or something, hey? Give us all a chance to win our money back?"

Jensen grinned and nodded. "Sure. Better have brought more though, because I don't plan on losing."

"Just you wait," Toby called, pointing at him as Jensen walked toward the patio.

"Hey, man," Jared greeted him warmly, reaching out to pull him into a one-armed guy hug easily while his other hand still held his barbecuing spatula. Jensen patted him on the back and stepped back, taking in his long 'it's not easy being a princess' apron. Jared blushed and laughed while tugging at it.

"Sandy never uses it so I thought someone should," Jared explained with a grin, answering Jensen's unasked question.

"Whatever gets you through the night, man," Jensen said with a teasing grin. Jared pulled the apron off and grabbed his arm, pulling him back inside. He handed the spatula over to Toby, who rolled his eyes behind Jared's back when he instructed his friend not to let the hamburgers burn. Jensen snickered and took a drink of his beer to cover it while Jared scanned the room quickly.

"I promised her I'd introduce you as soon as you got here," Jared muttered, almost to himself. Jared looked up and frowned.

"Come again?"

"Sandy. I told her - oh, there she is." Jared caught the eyes of his girlfriend near the kitchen and motioned for her to come over. Jensen took a deep breath as she grinned and waved back before crossing the room quickly, eyes only for him.

"Sandy, this is Jensen. Jensen this is my girlfriend, Sandy," Jared introduced them easily. Sandy grinned up at him and Jensen could tell she was barely holding back some sort of excited squeal that he hoped she could keep to herself.

"Oh my god! I'm a huge fan, Jensen! Huge. Ever since I saw you on Dawson's Creek and then I watched you on your other shows. Such a shame they were canceled! I have all of your movies, too! Did Jared tell you I'm an actress?"

"Sandy," Jared warned in a low tone, glancing at Jensen quickly.

"What? I am. Who knows, maybe someday we'll be in a movie together!" Sandy bounced excitedly. Jensen gave her a smile and sipped his beer, sensing Jared's discomfort.

"You never know, it could happen," Jensen said, smiling at her with the grin he used on the covers of countless magazines and at any kind of social function where there were cameras present.

"Hey Sandy? I think Trish is trying to get your attention over there." Jared pointed across the room to a blonde trying to wave to his girlfriend. Sandy looked over and waved back excitedly.

"I'll go see what she wants. I'll be back though, okay? I really would love to sit down and talk to you about acting and the business, Jensen. If you don't mind, that is," Sandy asked hopefully.

"Of course not. I'd love to," he told her with the same big, fake grin. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it quickly in thanks, smile wide and genuine, before she walked away quickly.

"So, that's Sandy," Jensen murmured to Jared with a small smile as they watched her bounce off to talk to her friend, who immediately turned around and stared over at the guys. Jared jerked his head in the other direction and Jensen followed him out the patio door back to the balcony where he took cooking duties back from Toby.

"She's something, isn't she?" Jared finally replied, almost absently after Toby went back inside to get another drink.

"Seems like a handful. Do you two live together?" Jensen asked, taking a drink of his beer.

Jared shook his head. "She still lives with her folks. It's easier for her since she's taking some acting classes and she's saving money for when she finally convinces me to move."

"You mentioned she wanted to get out to LA or New York. When do you think that'll happen?"

Jared shrugged. "I don't know if it will. She's got ideas about her life and what she wants to do but I don't know. Sandy... likes to dream big."

"You think that's bad?" Jensen asked, leaning on the railing and turning to face Jared, curious.

"No, of course not. I just... I don't know. I could never say this to her but I don't know how she can make it out there when there are thousands of other people wanting the same things."

"You think she shouldn't try because of that?"

"Well, no. I don't know what I'm saying, man," Jared sighed. Jensen felt weird talking to Jared about this when, really, he didn't know that much about him, but he found himself pushing on.

"Do you not want her to go for that reason, or because maybe you don't want to go yourself?" Jensen asked cautiously, unsure of how far was too far.

"I..." Jared faltered and looked like he was at a loss for words.

"Hey, feel free to tell me to back off, man. This is totally none of my business," Jensen said, putting his hands up. Jared shook his head and smiled.

"No, it's fine- really. I honestly just don't think about it much because no one ever brings it up. I guess, yeah. Maybe I don't want to go so I'm hesitant to push her. I don't know, though."

"Know what? Don't you want something, Jared? Something beyond the gas station and the bar?"

Jared blinked, surprised. "I don't know."

"You've never thought about it? You didn't have any ideas when you graduated high school about what you wanted to do? What you wanted to be 'when you grew up'?" Jensen laughed as he made air quotes.

"Actually, no. I had thought about this or that but never seriously and nothing's ever really appealed to me. I had a basketball scholarship to Texas A&M but I didn't go."

"Why in the hell not?" Jensen asked, incredulously. "Full ride to college? That's fucking sweet."

"I didn't know what I wanted to do." Jared shrugged. "Still don't, not really. Why would I take the scholarship when there was someone else out there who did know what they wanted to do and missed out on it because of me?"

"Jared, you're a far better man than I would have been in that situation," Jensen told him, reaching out to clap Jared on the back. He could feel the tenseness in Jared's muscles as he did so and stared up at him, keeping his hand in place. "Hey." Jared looked at him, frowning.

"It's okay, you know? If I hadn't basically fallen into acting I'd be in the same place you are, because I have no idea what I'd be doing if it weren't for this. I'm just saying you have a lot of stuff going for you, Jared. You could do just about anything you wanted to and I'm not bullshitting you here at all. You don't realize what qualities you have going for you that employers look for. I hope you don't think I'm dumping on what you're doing now, because if you're happy, that's great. But have you thought about doing anything else?"

Jared shrugged again and Jensen could feel the muscles moving under his hand, warm and hard. "Truthfully, not really. It's never really been brought up. Sandy's always been the dreamer of the two of us. Now she's thinking of running off to be a movie star or something and I don't really know how I feel about that. I don't know if I'm ready to make that change," he confessed, taking a sip out from his beer.

Jensen hedged his bets and chose his words carefully for what he was about to say next. He already felt like he was treading water here, even if Jared didn't seem to realize it. "Are you not ready to make that change for yourself or for Sandy?"

Jared hummed, looking at Jensen with a thoughtful look on his face as he tapped his finger on his beer bottle absently. Silence fell between them and Jensen finally pulled his hand away, the heat from Jared's body becoming too much for him on this already-sweltering Texas night.

~~~~

"Jared, man. I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries last night. I don't want you to think I'm trying to come into your life and tell you how to run it and tell you there's better things. I let my mouth run away from me," Jensen said over lunch on set the next day. Jared had brought food for the set again from Jerry's with one extra meal for himself so he could eat with Jensen at the picnic table outside his trailer. The rest of the party had gone well, and Jensen was a big hit with all of Jared's friends. Sandy could barely keep quiet after he left, leaving earlier than most of the guests because he had an six AM call time. After a couple hours Jared had reached the point where he wanted to ask her to talk about anything but Jensen, just because it was all she could talk about, and ended up sitting on the balcony by himself, thinking about the the conversation between himself and Jensen.

Jared shook his head as he wiped his mouth. "No, it's cool actually. No one ever talks to me about this stuff, you know? My parents are happy to have me close and they think Sandy and I will get married and have kids and live around here forever, I'm pretty sure. The guys have jobs and are starting to think about families themselves. Sandy just assumes I'll come with her wherever she goes, I guess. No one ever really asks me about any of this so I've never stopped to consider it."

"And you don't have a problem with that?" Jensen asked. He could never imagine living his life like that, with no outside scope of the world beyond the every day monotony of life.

"No, not a problem so much. It's kind of like having a light turned on, you know? When you don't know what else is out there or what you want or can do it's hard to think about it. After all, we can't all be as naturally charming and talented as you, can we Mr. Ackles?" Jared asked with a grin. Jensen wanted to grin back but he couldn't help but think that he was going to ruin this guy's life all because he couldn't keep his big fat mouth shut. Jared seemed to read the thoughts in his head and reached over to punch his arm lightly. "Sometimes it's good to get that kick in the ass, right? Need something to make you wake up and think about where you are and what the hell you're doing."

"I just don't want you to think I know what I'm doing, Jared. Sometimes I'm just as lost and unsure of what I'm doing as you are," Jensen explained slowly, feeling a little exposed.

"Yeah, but right now you seem to know what you're talking about and you're making a damn lot of sense to me. And that's good enough for right now. Don't worry about it, okay? We're just a couple guys shooting the shit, right?"

Jensen felt something click inside him at Jared's words and he smiled broadly as he took a big bite of his pasta. "Sure," he said around his mouthful and Jared laughed at him, shoving a napkin into his hand.

"Oh, if only America could see you now. The hot, aloof movie star stuffing his face and making an ass of himself," Jared teased him as a noodle fell out of Jensen's mouth, making Jared chuckle.

"Yeah, America can suck my balls then. And don't try to deny it- you love it," Jensen mumbled back, getting a little red. Jared laughed harder, slapping his hand against his thigh, as his mouth opened wide and his loud laugh echoed between the trailers. Jensen saw a few people look around at them and normally he'd turn kind of red and get uncomfortable from the attention but Jared's laughter was contagious and he let himself laugh along with his friend, watching Jared wink at him across the small table.

~~~~

"So poker with the guys tonight, hey?" Jared said as they cleaned up their food containers before he had to go back to set.

"Not for me," Jensen said shaking his head. "We're shooting late here tonight and I have to fly out to Los Angeles early tomorrow morning."

"That sucks. What are you doing out there?"

Jensen started to respond but was interrupted by Darren, the director, passing by on his way to set. "Jensen! You going to be ready in five?"

"I'll be right there," Jensen called back before turning to Jared. "I'll see you around when I get back, then?"

"Sure." Jared waved and started walking toward the parking lot to go back to the bar. He was almost there when he felt a hand on his back and jumped as he turned around

"Sorry, buddy, didn't mean to startle you. You're Jared, right?" Darren asked, holding a clip board with a set of earphones around his neck to listen to the actors as they filmed.

Jared nodded "Yeah, is there something I can do for you?"

"I've seen you around with Jensen, obviously. I've heard a lot about you from around set, how you helped him out a few weeks ago when he got into a bit of trouble with the locals, and I know you two are hanging out a lot."

Jared frowned, not seeing where the conversation was going. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"No! Just the opposite, actually. I need some help here on set, personal running around and, well, gopher-type stuff. I've done some asking around about you and I've been by the bar you work at a couple nights for dinner and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You're a hard worker. You know your way around the city and since you and Jensen seem to be tight you're okay in my books. I thought I'd see if you were interested," Darren told him. Jared blinked, then narrowed his eyes.

"Did Jensen talk to you about me?" He asked, thinking back to their talk about Jared's life and wanting more than working at the gas station and at the bar.

"He's mentioned you a couple times but nothing specifically. I thought since we're already in production it would be good to have someone who knows his way around the city and the set already instead of asking the studio to send someone out. Does this mean you're not interested?"

"No," Jared replied, thinking quickly. "Is this a full-time thing?"

"For the duration of the shoot, at least. I know you've already got obligations elsewhere so I understand if you can't-"

"Can I think about it? Just over the weekend?"

"Sure! Here's my cell and the number of the hotel where I'm set up here. If you can I'd like you to start on Monday so you can get a feel for things," Darren told him, scribbling his numbers on a piece of paper. "Think it over and give me a call with your salary expectations. We can make it worth your time."

Jared nodded, trying not to let his mouth fall open at how sudden this was. "Sure. Thanks!"

Darren clapped Jared on the shoulder and rushed off back towards set, pulling out his cellphone and checking his clipboard. Jared walked to his truck in a daze, not quite sure what just happened.

"Well fuck me sideways," he whispered to himself as he climbed into his truck, a slow smile spreading across his face. He tucked the number in his breast pocket and grinned the whole way back to the bar.

~~~~

The last person Jared expected to hear from while he was kicking back and watching some random movie on the TV was Jensen. After all, he was off in L.A. for the weekend doing whatever the hell it was he did in L.A., being a movie star and giving interviews and shit. So when Jared answered the phone, all lazy and drowsy and achingly close to a mid-afternoon nap in the Texas heat, he sat straight up on the couch at the sound of Jensen's voice.

"Jensen?"

"You expectin' someone else to call you from Hollywood?" Jensen joked back.

"Hey man, I just didn't think I'd hear from you until you came back, is all. How's it going? Can't be that exciting if you're calling me," Jared laughed.

"It's okay, you know? I've been going all day with interviews and a photo shoot and all that crap. I had some downtime and thought I'd call you up to see what's going on before I have to leave for some party the studio is throwing. Got anything fun planned for tonight?" Jensen asked, sounding tired and almost wistful.

"Got a date with Pay-Per-View, that's about it," Jared laughed.

"That sounds pretty damn good right now, actually," Jensen replied, stifling a yawn. "What's Sandy up to tonight?"

"Oh, she's working and then going out with her friends, I think," Jared said absently. "When are you flying back?"

"Tomorrow morning. I cut a couple things short so I could get back earlier and not have to take the red-eye in Sunday night."

"Cool. Do you want to do something tomorrow night?" Jared asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Sure. Like what?"

Jared shrugged even though Jensen couldn't see him. "Maybe a movie? Could round up some of the guys and see if they want to play some poker or something. We can find something to do."

"I don't doubt it for a second. How about I give you a call tomorrow when I get off the plane? I'll have to wash L.A. off before I can go anywhere but anything sounds good to me."

"Cool. Hey, Jensen?" Jared played with a stray thread at the bottom of his shirt.

"Yeah?"

"I kind of have something set up for Monday for a new job. And I -"

"Hey, that's great! Where at?" Jensen cut in, sounding genuinely happy for him. Jared huffed a little and smiled.

"If you'd let me finish I could tell you." Jensen laughed at the other end, mumbling a 'sorry' but let him continue. "I wanted to tell you before you showed up to work on Monday because I don't want anything to be weird."

"Are you applying to be a sheep fucker or something?"

"Asshole," Jared laughed. "Shut up and listen. I got stopped on the way off set on Friday and it turns out your director, Darren, is looking for a PA to act as his personal gopher for the duration of the shoot. Said he's seen me around hanging out with you and that if I could put up with your pussy-ass whining I should be good to work for him."

"Takes one to know one," Jensen retorted.

"Fuck off," Jared laughed back before getting quiet again. "Seriously, though. I want to know if you're all right with this because if you think it's gonna be a problem or if you don't want me to take the-"

"Jared, why wouldn't I want you to take it? It's a great opportunity and Darren's the man. He's the perfect guy to learn from. I think it's a great idea and I'm glad you want the job," Jensen told him emphatically. Jared sighed with relief loudly and laughed again.

"I was hoping you'd say that. I didn't know if you'd think it was weird or something so I thought I should check. I wouldn't want to step on the big, important movie star's toes," Jared teased.

"Fuck you," Jensen replied without malice. He and Jared talked for a little while longer, until Jared could hear someone calling for Jensen in the background and he said with a sigh he had to go.

"I'll call you when I get back into town, okay? Or maybe sooner if I feel like I'm going out of my mind," Jensen said before he hung up. Jared stared at the phone for awhile after and tried to remember what his life was like before Jensen barreled into it. Turns out it's harder to remember when you're not missing the way things were.

~~~~

"Jared!"

Jared looked up and saw Jensen jogging across the parking lot towards him as he was walking to set with paperwork for Darren. It was mid-afternoon and Jared was taking a small break before he went back to talk to Darren about what he wanted done next. He couldn't believe it was Thursday already. As soon as he showed up for work on Monday morning Darren and the rest of the production team piled the work on him and he felt like he hadn't stopped running since.

"Hey, Jensen," Jared said with a grin as he caught up to him. Jensen clapped him on the back and fell into stride with him, pushing his sunglasses up on his head.

"What's up, man? I haven't seen you since we hung out with the guys on Sunday."

"It's not for lack of trying. Between being here all day and then working a couple shifts at the bar during the week it's hard to find time to even sleep," Jared explained ruefully.

"You're not regretting taking the job, are you?" Jensen asked anxiously.

"Oh, no. Nothing like that. I'm really enjoying it, actually, and learning a lot. More than I thought I would, that's for sure. So thanks," Jared said with a grin. Jensen blinked and cocked his head at Jared.

"For what?"

Jared batted his eyelashes and looked at him with wide-eyed innocence. "For gracing my life with your presence every day, of course. What do you think?" Jensen shoved him on the shoulder with a groan. "No, seriously. Thanks for this chance. I know you didn't say anything to Darren specifically about getting me this job but let's face it, if you weren't here I wouldn't be doing this."

Jensen blushed and scratched the back of his head as he looked away. "No problem, man. Just glad I could help. Besides, it's nice to have someone around that I can actually put up with for more than five minutes at a time."

"They can't all be that bad," Jared replied. "Everyone seems really nice."

"Yeah, they're nice. Just not- not the type of people I want to hang out with all the time," Jensen explained carefully.

Jared opened his mouth to ask what he was talking about but his cell phone went off, vibrating insistently against his leg. He shot Jensen an apologetic smile and answered it quickly. "'lo? Yeah, I've got the papers here. Sure, I'll get them right over to you."

"Sorry, I gotta get these to Darren." Jared held up the papers in his hands.

"No problem." Jensen waved him off with a grin. "Give me a call later and we'll try to make plans to get together, okay?" Jared waved as he jogged off, feeling Jensen's eyes on him the whole way.

~~~~

"Hey, Jared?" Jared turned around to see one of the office PAs standing behind him in the makeshift copy room on set with some notes for Darren the next week.

"Oh, hey. Thanks," he said as he took them from her, adding them to his own pile he had to take to the director.

"How's it going?" she asked, standing around casually. Jared looked up from the folder he was reading over, surprised.

"Good, really good. They keep me busy here," he replied with a smile. He thought her name was Denise or Vanessa or something. He'd already seen so many people throughout his first week that he just didn't bother with names right now, referring to people as 'Hey' and 'Oh, I have that thing you wanted'.

"I was wondering..." Denise or Vanessa started, folding her hands and fidgeting in front of him. Jared put the folder down and turned to her, eyebrow raised. "You hang out with Jensen a lot, right? I've seen you two together before you even started on set. I was curious..."

"Yeah?" Jared asked cautiously.

"Is he dating anyone? I don't want to know for myself, it's more of a question that some of us in the office have."

Jared frowned. "I don't know, it's none of my business."

Denise or Vanessa smiled hesitantly and shrugged a little. "Oh, come on. You can tell me. There's some people who think he's gay and some others that think he's with this chick he co-starred-"

"I don't know," Jared cut her off in a quiet tone. "I don't know and I'm not about to ask because it's really none of my business."

"You're friends, aren't you?"

"Yeah, we are." As Jared said that he realized at once that it was totally true- he thought of Jensen as one of his good friends and didn't even know when exactly it had happened. "And that's another reason for me not to talk to you about this. I don't know and even if I did I wouldn't be sharing the information with you," Jared said shortly, gathering his things and brushing past her out of the photocopy room. He thought he heard her breathe something about him being an asshole and big egos but he didn't really care what she thought of him at that point. He was more shocked and uncomfortable at the thought of someone even thinking about asking him about Jensen in that context. He also felt guilty because he realized Jensen had never talked to him about it and he was curious himself. He clenched his jaw as he walked out of the office, avoiding the gaze of everyone else in his path.

~~~~

Jensen could tell something was off with Jared later that afternoon. During every break in shooting he would look over at Jared and try to catch his eye, but he noticed that Jared had barely cracked a smile the whole afternoon. He was taking notes and relaying messages back and forth between various people on set when the director asked him to and he was polite, but beyond that he seemed lost in thought. Jensen finally had enough and broke from his position in the scene during a longer downtime between takes and wandered over to where Jared was standing, scribbling furiously in his notebook.

"Writing love notes?" Jensen teased as he walked up. Jared looked up and barely blinked before returning to his notes.

"Don't say that too loudly," Jared muttered and Jensen started.

"What?"

"How can you stand it?" Jared asked suddenly, speaking in hushed tones to Jensen as he glanced around to make sure there was no one around.

"Stand what?" Jensen asked, confused. He felt like he'd walked into a foreign movie without subtitles.

"The way people talk about you. Not just the things they say but what they want to know about you and how they go about finding it out. How can you stand to know how people act around you and then how they act when you're not around?" Jared asked, frustrated.

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing, really. I just got taken off guard. Do people... is it hard for you to trust people?" Jared asked, as if trying to figure out how to word the question.

Jensen shrugged. "Can be. Depends on who I'm trusting and with what. Did something happen, Jared?"

"It wasn't anything, really. I got asked some questions about you and they seemed invasive to me and I think I over-reacted a little. I just don't understand why these people think it's any of their business!"

"It's not." Jensen shook his head. "But it's what sells the papers and the tabloids and everything else in this industry."

"I don't know how you can handle it, man," Jared sighed, shoulders slumping a little.

"Like you said, it's hard to trust people. But sometimes they turn out to be okay," Jensen said with a grin, clapping Jared hard on the shoulder before the director called for places once more and Jensen returned to his mark.

~~~~

"So I hear you've been named as one of the causes of the break up between Reese and Ryan," Jared teased as he and Jensen sat on his balcony, feet propped up on the railing with a couple beers. They'd finished early that day on set and were enjoying a few bonus hours off, kicking back and watching the sun go down. Jared relaxed and brushed off the incident from earlier that week, easier to do when he noticed the other PAs avoided talking about Jensen around him even though he could see the looks and hear the whispers when they thought he wasn't around.

"Fuck off, man," Jensen groaned, then covered his face with one hand when Jared pulled out a copy of Us Weekly with a picture of him and Reese Witherspoon having lunch in Hollywood from the previous weekend. He'd known there were photographers around but he hadn't thought they'd make something like that out of them. Goddamn vultures, they were.

"Don't want to talk about your new 'role in Reese's life', Jen?" Jared teased. Jensen shot him a withering glance and reached out to try and grab the magazine from Jared who held it out of his reach with one long arm stretched over his head. Jensen couldn't be bothered to get up out of his chair and waved him off.

"It's amazing how much money those magazines and rags make off people," Jensen sighed. Jared flipped through a few pages, snorting at a few things he read before crumpling it up with one hand and tossing it over the side of the balcony. Jensen laughed at him and finished his beer quickly, tapping his foot on the railing.

"Do they ever get it right?" Jared asked and Jensen looked over at him and shrugged.

"Sometimes, I guess. Or they write an article of lies around one line of truth."

"So which ones are the lies? More importantly, which ones are true?" Jared asked, waggling his eyebrows. Jensen realized Jared might be curious as to why he hadn't mentioned dating anyone or any relationships he'd been in before. Hell, he hadn't even looked at anyone with any romantic interest since he'd been in Texas. It could have been raising eyebrows. "You can't tell me none of them are true. Even I managed to see the pictures of you and Scarlett Johannson from last summer."

Jensen fidgeted with his beer bottle, picking at the label. "Yeah, we went out a couple times. Nice girl."

"Nice girl, come on dude. She's hot."

"Yeah, she is," Jensen agreed. "I didn't really get to know her that well, though."

"Any truth to you dating Cameron Diaz after her breakup?"

Jensen laughed. "Fuck no! That was all lies."

"What about Lindsay Lohan?" Jared asked, twisting his face in such a way Jensen thought he must have been bracing himself for the response.

"Never in a thousand years," Jensen replied, laughing as Jared visibly relaxed. "Relieved?"

"I know I don't have two clues who she is really, but she's just a little too much for me. Stick with Reese, see how it goes."

"Fuck off, Jared," Jensen replied lightly, giving him the finger. "Most of the time when the press makes up stories like those it's based on one photo, like the one of me and Reese, and it's totally innocuous. We were having a business dinner and discussing working together. Next week I'll be seen outside a jewelry store and the story will be that I'm proposing. It's all bullshit. If there's not a hot girl on my arm the press will make one up for me."

"You don't have to make one up, you know," Jared laughed. "Maybe you do have something going on somewhere else, I don't know. But if you ever want to hook up with someone or go out - whatever - Sandy's got some nice friends. Hot friends, too, and most of them are pretty cool. They'd be cool to hang out with, if you wanted."

"Yeah, maybe," Jensen said noncommitally. "That could be fun."

Jared looked at him curiously. "Is there a reason why you're not dating, then?"

"Bad relationship," Jensen explained easily, reaching into the cooler between them to pull out another beer, effectively avoiding Jared's eyes. "It was a bad breakup and I'm not really anxious to start dating yet."

"That sucks," Jared replied. "Was she in the business? How hard is that, anyway?"

"No. Would have liked to have been, I know, but otherwise I don't know what it's like to be with someone in the business. I try to keep things low-key. I like nights like this, with beer on a deck, to getting wasted at some club, just to be seen, or at some studio dinner." Jensen smiled wryly.

"I hear you," Jared nodded. "Sounds boring."

"They can be," Jensen laughed.

"Man, that shit must drive you crazy. You're fucked if you do and you're fucked if you don't."

"Except I'm not getting fucked at all," Jensen shot back dryly. "I don't like to draw attention to myself, especially when I'm dating. Which is kind of why my relationship broke up, actually."

"Oh?"

"They didn't like the low-key approach. Being in the position I am I have to allow for some invasion of privacy but I don't think it's too much to ask to keep some things to myself. I thought my relationship was one of those things but he apparently didn't see it the same way," Jensen explained in a big rush, as if it were the first time he'd ever been able to get it out. He never got to talk about things like this so freely, without worrying someone was lurking about to get a scoop or the person he was talking to would run the information to the tabloids.

Jared nodded and then blinked. "I-- he?"

Jensen froze, a sudden wave of heat and nausea threatening to engulf him, and glanced at Jared quickly. "She. The girl I was seeing."

Jared sat up and turned so he could look at Jensen face to face and peered at him intensely. "Jensen?" Jensen set his half-full beer on the balcony floor by his chair and pushed himself up to stand. He walked over to the railing and looked over, his back to Jared who followed him, confused.

"Jensen," Jared said quietly. Jensen started and tried to jerk away when Jared stopped to stand beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I don't care." Jensen was tense under his hand and didn't say anything or even look at him.

"Okay, if you say it was a girl, it's a girl. It's not worth having you mad at me," Jared finally said, stepping back. When he did Jensen was the one who looked confused when he turned around.

"Me mad at you? I thought you'd be pissed at me."

"Why? It's none of my business who you do or don't like or date." Jared shrugged and Jensen sagged with visible relief. "I didn't mean to push you. I'm sorry, Jensen."

"You didn't, Jared- really. It's not... I'm not- I just--"

"It's okay, Jensen. You don't owe me anything," Jared said, putting his hands up.

"No, I think I do. You're my friend and I want you to know the truth, at least," Jensen told him slowly, staring at his hands.

"Which is?" Jared asked carefully. Jensen grabbed his beer from beside his lounge chair and finished it off in a couple swallows before grabbing another one from the cooler.

"I'm sure there are other, more eloquent and witty ways to say it but... I'm gay. There aren't many people that know because it's none of their business."

Jensen could see Jared pause as he took what Jensen said and then Jared nodded. "I get that."

"I knew in high school but I kept it quiet because my school wasn't exactly the most open and diverse around. Some of the kids there would rather recreate Laramie than watch you walk down the hall, knowing you were gay. After I graduated I was hooked by an agent and went right into commercials and bit parts on television. He told me the best way to play it while I was starting out was to be as available to any role that came along and not to rock the boat- that included telling anyone I like guys." Jensen took a drink of his beer and finally looked up at Jared for the first time since he started talking, staring him in the eyes. "I don't think I even fully realized I was gay until I was twenty or twenty-one because I'd been told to hide it for so long. I didn't have a chance figure it out. Kinda fucks with your head," he laughed hollowly but Jared didn't even crack a smile.

"So once I landed a couple recurring guest spots on TV shows I stepped out with a few women. Let myself be seen in some magazines with pretty girls but a couple times a week I'd go out to the clubs and meet some guys. No one knew who I was then and I stayed low-key. Then Dawson's Creek happened, I got that other show and then the movie roles trickled in. I hired Lynne as my assistant, who's been amazing since day one, and started working as much and as hard as I could."

"So what's stopping you from coming out now, then?" Jared asked, confused.

"I don't need to flaunt myself all over right now. If anything I need to keep it even more quiet just so I don't jeopardize any deals I'm working on securing right now. It's not like I don't get out. I was with one guy for a few months last year but it didn't work out," Jensen explained.

"Because he was using you to advance his own career and he wanted to stop hiding?" Jared asked, trying to connect the clues. Jensen nodded.

"A couple times he threatened to go to the papers and tell his story because he'd get so angry with me. He never would and I understand where he's coming from but I can't really do anything about it, you know?"

"Says who?" Jared asked suddenly, catching Jensen off guard.

"What?"

"Why can't you do something about it, Jensen? Why can't you let yourself have a little more freedom? Don't you want to be happy?"

"I am happy," Jensen said tightly. Jared laughed at him, pointing to the tension in his neck.

"Yeah, that's the face of someone who's over the moon with joy," Jared said sarcastically. Jensen flushed and started to turn away but Jared grabbed his arm. "No, Jensen- look. Tell me to fuck off, punch me out- whatever. I'm not shittin' on you when I say it's gotta be tough hiding all the time. Maybe you should worry more about what's going to make you happy, instead of what's going to make the people with the movie deals happy. You get that?"

"Yeah," Jensen said softly, nodding. Jared's hand was still on his arm and he leaned into Jared for a brief moment before stepping back and breaking contact.

"That's that, then? My big, dark secret exposed to the world?"

"It's not that dark, Jensen. Not really," Jared replied, shaking his head. "I don't think so, anyway. And I won't tell anyone."

"I know, Jared. Out of all of this bullshit I know I can trust you. Thanks," Jensen said honestly, knowing deep down that Jared would never betray his confidence.

"No thanks needed," Jared replied with a grin. "What are buddies for?" He stepped forward and wrapped his long arms around Jensen, clapping him on the shoulder. Jensen patted him on the back awkwardly but when Jared didn't step back he squeezed him back hard, because yeah, they were friends.

~~~~

The thing about epiphanies, Jared realized, is that they're usually very abrupt and often come at the weirdest times, no matter how welcome they are.

It was a quiet night for Jared and Sandy. Neither of them had to work and Jared turned off his cell phone so they would be totally uninterrupted. Sandy chattered for awhile about her day job at the bank and how much she hated it while Jared cooked them dinner, then went on about her acting class and how her teacher told her she was the best one out of twenty. Jared half-listened, nodding at the appropriate points and verbally agreeing when she needed assurance.

He was draining the yellow beans, more concerned with making sure they weren't over cooked instead of Sandy's story about upcoming play auditions for A Streetcar Named Desire and it hit him- they weren't in love. At least, Jared wasn't. He liked Sandy, sure; they were best friends. But he suddenly realized that he felt no attraction to her other than that of a concerned and dedicated friend. Jensen was right.

He dropped the pot in the sink with a clang but the lid somehow stayed on. Sandy paused for a split second in her story to make sure Jared was okay and then continued on while he calmly thought through his sudden realization. Now he had to decide if this meant enough to him that he would upset the last constant thing in his life, one of the only things that made any sense anymore. Except, really, it didn't, because Sandy wasn't the same person he fell in love with six years earlier and he was changing before her eyes- not that he figured she noticed. Everything between them was the same except for them. They went to the same places on dates, saw the same people when they went to parties, had the same routine for everything- including sex.

Jared was quiet throughout dinner and the dessert that Sandy brought from her mother, a blueberry pie. Jared chewed his as if he was eating rubber and swallowed hard, the realization bearing down on him, pushing and urging him to just spit it out. He kept silent and Sandy suggested going to the movies, or to the video store but Jared shook his head and led her to the living room instead while she regarded him curiously, noticing his strange quiet. She slumped down on the couch and they watched TV in silence, Jared tapping his leg restlessly on the floor until Sandy reached over and stopped it with her hand without looking. Jared kept composing ways to open the conversation in his head while Sandy checked her cell for texts every three minutes.

"Oh my God, lady," Sandy exclaimed at one point, clearly bored and frustrated as they just sat there. "Take the deal and go home!"

Jared looked over at her, blinking slowly. "I don't think we should see each other anymore." Sandy glanced back at him quickly and looked mildly surprised.

"Jared?"

"I think it might be time we start seeing other people," he continued, throat dry and palms sweaty. "We've been together for so long I don't know if we realize what we want anymore and you're doing the acting thing and I'm still-"

Sandy interrupted him, "Okay."

Jared blinked. "Okay?"

"Yeah, I agree with you. I love you, Jared, I do. I know that sounds weird but you're right, we've changed. That's what you were getting to, right?" she asked with a smile. Jared nodded slowly. "I wasn't ever sure how to bring it up."

Jared blew out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair as the weight lifted from his shoulders. "You're not mad or upset at all?"

"Kinda sad," Sandy said with a half-smile. "I do love you, Jared. You're a huge part of my life, but we're definitely not the people we were when we got together all those years ago."

"Definitely not," Jared agreed with relief. He sat back on the couch and blew a long breath out, "Wow, that was easier than I thought. Thanks for understanding, Sandy."

She reached out and pulled him close by the back of his neck, leaning their heads together so she could look in his eyes. "I didn't ever know how to ask if you were happy. I can see there's something holding you back; you just figure out whatever it is you need and let yourself be happy for once, Jared. Or I'll kick your ass."

Jared laughed softly and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. "I'll remember that when you're out in Hollywood, living it up as a big star."

"I'll let you come be my gardener, how about that?" Sandy teased as they pulled apart and Jared grinned back at her. "So what now?"

Jared glanced around. "Want to finish watching the show?" Sandy shrugged and they slumped back into the couch. Only then did his heart stop beating so fast he thought it would burst out of his chest, and he could relax.

~~~~

Jensen raised an eyebrow at the two boxes sitting outside Jared's door as he knocked and listened to Jared stumble and curse on his way to let him in on the other side. Jared greeted him with a wide grin and Jensen felt it spreading, infectious as always. He jerked his thumb at the boxes as he crossed the threshold and Jared closed the door behind him.

"You moving or something?" Jensen asked, making a beeline to the kitchen to grab a beer. Jared trailed behind him, accepting one himself as Jensen pulled a couple from the fridge as if they'd done this a thousand times before. They twisted the caps off and Jensen made a face at Jared when he made a show of bending his cap in his hand easily before tossing it on the counter.

"Not quite. Sandy and I..."

Jensen took a drink as Jared trailed off and he sputtered, almost choking on his beer. "She's moving in?"

Jared shook his head and explained, "Out, actually. I'm giving her back all of the stuff she's collected here over the years because we broke up a couple nights ago."

Jensen's mouth dropped open. "Holy shit, Jared. Why didn't you say anything?" He watched Jared closely because he actually looked good- happy, even.

"You were busy with work and we filmed really late last night. It wasn't a big deal." Jared shrugged.

"You guys were together for a long time, though," Jensen pushed, unable to listen to the voice screaming in his head to shut up and enjoy the fact that the guy he was interested in was finally single.

"After we talked I realized I wasn't happy like I once was with Sandy. I still love her and everything, don't get me wrong, but I think I love the Sandy from a couple years ago when we weren't as different as we are now. You helped me see that," Jared told Jensen with a grin.

"So I broke up your relationship?" Jensen asked to clarify. Jared sighed and shook his head.

"No, of course not! You just- you helped me recognize things I should have seen a long time ago."

"Kind of a rash decision, isn't it?" Jensen asked lightly.

Jared shrugged and leaned against the counter by the fridge. "Scary as fuck is what it is," he laughed. "For the first time in my life I don't know what I'm doing, Jensen. I've never had that before."

Jensen couldn't help but feel guilty. It seemed that he was having all the doubts and insecurities that Jared was laughing off. Jared was enjoying this but all Jensen could see was himself as the cause of everything going ass over teakettle in Jared's life. Jared seemed to recognize this as well and pointed a finger at him.

"Stop it."

"What?" Jensen asked defensively.

"You're overthinking this. You keep thinking you're to blame for this, but Jensen, don't you see? If it weren't for you I'd probably have stayed in my two jobs for fuck knows how long and married Sandy!"

"And that would have been a bad thing?"

"Marrying someone you don't love?"

"Yeah, okay- bad. But Jared," Jensen started carefully, considering his words as he put his beer down on the counter. "I'm not seeing your whole life. I'm not really the person you should be looking to for-"

"You think I'm depending on you to guide my life, Jensen?" Jared asked, cutting him off. Jensen shifted and looked uncomfortable. "I'm not a five-year old looking to be taught how to tie his shoes. I sure as hell don't look to you to make my decisions. Hard truths are just easier to face when someone else faces them for you first." Jared grinned and said lightly, "Stop thinking this is all about you, you self-centered bastard."

Jensen snorted and held up his hands in surrender and grabbed his beer again. "All right, all right. You've got me. You're a good guy so I don't want to be the cause of any problems for you, is all. But as long as you know this is what you want and it makes you happy..."

Jared looked at Jensen thoughtfully, so long that Jensen could feel his cheeks getting hot again. "You know," Jared replied absently. "It does."

Jensen fought the urge to avoid Jared's eyes and looked back at him, forcing himself to relax, and waited for Jared to look away first as his fingers picked at the label on his beer bottle. He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

~~~~

The week passed uneventfully and Jared and Jensen fell back into a regular routine- meeting for coffee in the mornings in the makeup trailer during Jared's first break, having lunch together in Jensen's trailer when Jared wasn't needed to run errands for Darren, coffee and a donut in the afternoon before they stood around for a quick dinner late in the evening so they could get done with the day's scenes as early as possible. Jensen usually forewent the shower in his trailer to go back to his hotel for a moment of quiet and then he met up with Jared later at Jerry's for poker with the guys or Jared's late shift. Jensen didn't always stick around for Jared's whole shift, but he showed up for at least an hour and sat at the bar, chatting with Jared while he served beer and broke up the occasional fight. Jerry struck up a conversation or two until Jensen felt comfortable enough to joke around with the bar owner on his own when Jared was actually working.

Friday night they played poker at Dave's to avoid the large crowds at the bar and Jensen had to admit to himself that it was nice to do something other than hang out there. They left Dave's house early, but Jensen didn't question it. He let Jared drive them wherever he had in mind and slumped back in the seat, watching the city pass them by.

"Bringing me out here to have your way with me?" Jensen joked. Jared stopped the truck in the field they'd come to the second night Jared saved his ass at the bar a half hour after they left Dave's. Jared just shot him a grin and climbed out of the cab, grabbing the blanket from behind the seat. Jensen followed and waited until Jared spread the blanket out in the back before climbing up. He started to lie down but Jared stopped him with a hand on his arm and pulled a baggie out of his shirt pocket. Jensen watched as Jared pulled out a joint with a sheepish grin and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I didn't want to say anything at Dave's because I knew everyone would want a hit," Jared explained as he patted his pockets down for a lighter he must have grabbed from the house. Jensen was speechless as he watched Jared light it up and take a hit, coughing a little as he exhaled. He squinted at Jensen as he held it out and croaked, "It's strong."

"Where did it come from?" Jensen asked as he accepted it.

"Tobey." Jared grinned. "He knows where to get the good stuff. I don't do this very often but I figured..."

"What?" Jensen asked, inhaling deep. He passed the joint back and held the smoke longer than Jared before exhaling slowly.

Jared shrugged. "Seemed like a good night to do it."

They passed the joint back and forth a couple more times before Jensen laid back in the bed of the truck, feeling a little floaty. It was strong. Jared lay back beside him and they continued to pass the joint carefully. Jensen was staring up at the sky and feeling fine when Jared rolled over and tucked an arm under his head so he could look up at Jensen.

"What?" Jensen drawled out, longer than necessary. Jared smiled up at him and smiled broadly.

"How often do you do this?" Jared asked, his voice sending pleasant rumbles down to Jensen's toes.

"I don't," Jensen replied, toking slowly while Jared let out a scoff of disbelief. "What? I don't. Sometimes at a party, sure. But no."

"You need to loosen up, Mr. Ackles," Jared said softly, reaching over to pluck the joint from between Jensen's fingers. Their hands brushed more than they should have and Jensen turned his head enough to look Jared in the eyes. He was lying closer than Jensen first realized, so close that he could turn his body and be nose to nose with Jared.

"Why's that?" Jensen asked, breathily.

"You're too uptight. You think too much about what others want you to be- what they think you should be."

"That's the way my world works."

"Hah!" Jared exclaimed. "That's bullshit. There's no 'your world, my world' here."

"Right here in this truck?" Jensen asked.

"Out there, too," Jared waved his hand in the air. "You just think there is. But there isn't, not really. You let it be that way."

"Maybe I like it that way," Jensen tried to argue lightly, but Jared would hear none of it.

"If you did you'd be happy."

"Why do you think I'm not?"

"Your mouth gets all tense," Jared replied, barely above a whisper. He ran a finger over his own bottom lip slowly and Jensen felt his breath hitch. "When you talk about it, you get tense all over. You look around like someone's going to hear you; you get scared. What was it I said about truth before?"

Jensen thought for a moment. "Hard truths are easier to face when someone else sees them first?"

"Yeah," Jared smiled. "That sounds about right. So here's your hard truth: you're gay."

Jensen snickered. "Really? I hadn't noticed. What with the wanting guys and sucking dick and all." Jensen felt the atmosphere shift immediately, as soon as the words were out of his mouth, and he glanced at Jared nervously as if worried Jared would recoil in horror or demand they leave or something. Instead he noticed Jared's mouth had fallen open slightly and he was looking at Jensen curiously.

"You okay?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded dumbly and took another drag.

"Yeah, fine. Just... I've never..."

"Sucked a cock? I should hope not. Because you're straight," Jensen watched carefully as he picked those words deliberately and watched Jared's reaction but there wasn't much of one. Jared raised his eyebrows as he exhaled.

"Sure," he replied easily. Jensen reached out to take the joint back, almost gone now but Jared held it out of his reach.

"Hey, you've got to share," Jensen protested.

"Have you ever shotgunned a joint before?" Jared asked huskily. Jensen twitched and hoped Jared didn't notice.

"M-maybe." Jared smiled at Jensen's stutter and took another quick drag from the joint before passing it over. Jensen waited to see if Jared would lean over or turn toward him or anything but a few moments later he exhaled and Jensen bit back a grumble. "Have you?" he asked. Jared shrugged.

"Maybe," he replied, teasing. "Although I bet it would be different with a guy. Not unlike a girl but... different." Jensen took one last toke, examined the remainder and flicked the butt over the side of the truck, eliminating any temptation.

"Guess you'll never know," Jensen told him, avoiding his eyes. Jared made a noncommital noise and shrugged. A few minutes passed with Jensen looking up at the sky and he half wondered if Jared had fallen asleep.

"Jared?" he whispered quietly, testing.

"Yeah?" Jared whispered back immediately. Jensen bit back a curse and shook his head.

"Nothing." Another few minutes passed but then the curiosity got to be too much for Jensen.

"Jared?"

"What?"

"Have you ever...?" Jensen let the question trail off, asking without saying the words. Jared lifted his head a little and gave him a confused stare.

"Ever what?"

"Wondered? Wondered what it would be like?" Jensen inched closer to the question.

"Like for what?"

"To be with a guy?"

"Yeah, a couple times," Jared replied lazily, as if it were just that simple.

"Have you ever done anything with a guy, Jared?"

"No," Jared replied honestly.

"Ever wanted to?" Jensen breathed the question, his heart pounding.

"Maybe," Jared replied, just as quiet. Jensen rolled over and faced Jared, edging back a little so they weren't touching but close enough to breath each other's air.

"Why haven't you?"

"Never thought to?" Jensen raised an eyebrow. "Like the Sandy thing, and the job thing. If it's not there in front of me, how am I supposed to think about it?"

"So you have to be reminded to want to kiss a guy?" Jensen asked. Despite the tension Jared laughed.

"No, jerk. I've never known anything but Sandy, or girls in general. Doesn't mean I haven't thought about something else but if I don't know anything else... you know? I remember what you told me about your high school- it wasn't much different here, either."

"So you have thought about it?" Jensen pressed.

"I... no. I mean, yes but no. I still like girls. I liked Sandy, liked having sex with her. But there's something about... I've always wondered about it..."

Jensen thought up one response but bit it back. "What it would be like to be with a guy?" Jared nodded. "That's probably normal, doesn't mean anything Jared."

"I've jerked off to things- pictures and video from the internet. I like- I mean, I think I like watching guys get off. Especially with other guys." Jared looked at Jensen hesitantly but Jensen just looked back at him steadily. They lapsed into silence, listening to the wind whistle through the thick leaves and Jensen felt like he could feel the motion of it through his bones, the beating of Jared's heart and the heat from his lanky body seeping through Jensen's clothes, down to the very core of himself. Yeah, this was a great time to be having this conversation with Jared- when he was stoned out of his fucking mind.

"So ...?" Jensen started hesitantly, finally breaking the silence between them.

"I think I'm bisexual," Jared blurted out. Jensen didn't say anything and didn't respond so Jared continued. "I still like girls but the more I think about it the more I realize I'm not- I mean, I don't mind-"

"You've found yourself thinking more and more about guys?" Jensen supplied for him and Jared nodded. "What do you think about that?"

"I'm not sure," Jared replied slowly. "I'm not opposed to it, but I'm not exactly excited about it. I'm... cautiously optimistic," he replied after some thought. Jensen snorted.

"You're stoned."

"That too," Jared agreed.

"So you're cool with it?"

Jared shrugged. "Don't really have a choice, do I? I can't stop it if it's part of me and I don't really feel like fighting with myself so, whatever. If it's there, it's there and I'll figure things out."

Jensen didn't really know what to say to that other than to smile and nod, so they lay in the back of the truck quietly and watched the sky for what felt like hours. Jensen wasn't sure how long it was, really, but he was just thankful he didn't have to work in the morning because he knew it was late and he was going to have to jerk off a lot when he got back to his hotel. When Jared finally sat up slowly Jensen followed and clumsily climbed out of the truck. The high had worn off, so Jared folded up the blanket and shoved it back behind the seat as Jensen got in the truck.

"So we're cool?" Jared asked before he started the truck.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Jensen gave him a confused look.

"Just wanted to be sure." Jared shrugged.

"Yeah, we're cool, Jared," Jensen replied softly. "And hey, you know I won't tell anyone."

"Yeah," Jared said with a big smile. Jensen couldn't help but return it and damn if he didn't grin the whole way back into town and to his hotel.

~~~~

Late Sunday morning while Jared was hanging out reading a book on his balcony he heard the doorbell ring. He was loathe to move from his spot in the lounge chair with the sun beating down on him, making him drowsy, but he groaned and trudged to the door with a yawn. Jensen was on the other side wearing a big grin and jogging shorts, bouncing in place in the hallway. Jared resisted the urge to slam the door in his face and sighed.

"Seriously? You want to actually do stuff today?" Jared complained, half smiling. Jensen brushed past him into the apartment and grabbed Jared's sneakers from the rack by the door.

"Hell yes, dude. Come on. I've had a good night's sleep and want to go jogging. And you know I can't go on my own," Jensen replied, tossing the sneakers at Jared who caught them easily.

"Why's that?"

"I might be attacked by some crazed fangirl who wants me for my body," Jensen replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, puffing his chest out. "Or fanboy." Jared let out a bark of laugher before he turned and shuffled off to his bedroom with a sneaker in each hand.

"Fine, fine. I'll be out in a minute."

Jensen let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like, 'Ha HA!' and started stretching while Jared tried to find his jogging shorts. When he emerged from his room a few minutes later shrugging a white sleeveless shirt over his head, Jensen seemed to clear his throat a lot and bent down to brush dirt of his sneakers. Jared pulled his own shoes on hastily, tying them tightly, and clapped his hands. "Ready?" Jensen smiled brightly and hurried out the door, leaving Jared to lock up in his wake.

~~~~

"Come on, you can shower here really quick and then we'll go out for a beer or something, if you don't want to stay here," Jared said over his shoulder as they climbed the stairs to Jared's floor in his apartment building. Jensen walked behind him, watching how the muscles in Jared's legs flexed as they walked up. As they got to his floor Jared pulled his shirt off and started wiping himself down right in front of Jensen, who fought to keep his eyes elsewhere while not looking suspicious to the other man. Just as he thought when he was first getting to know Jared, he was built everywhere. Jared told him his workout routine once and Jensen kind of tuned it out in favour of thinking about Jared on the stairmaster, and lifting weights, and stretching and... well. Thank god Jared never asked Jensen to go to the gym with him. He had a feeling he'd roll right off the back of his treadmill with Jared around.

They had a good run, spending an hour or so making passes through the park near Jared's house and then around the block to an ice cream parlor where he and Jared made general asses of themselves, being loud and trying to prank each other. Jensen honestly couldn't remember the last time he laughed so hard with someone; Jared was quickly becoming one of his favourite people to hang out with and that excited and scared him at once. After the ice cream Jared invited him back to sit out on the balcony with some beer and watch the sun go down- or take a nap, Jensen had teased him, calling him out on how much harder it was for Jensen to keep up with Jared's longer stride while they ran.

Jared had mentioned something about some steaks in the freezer and a cold six-pack in the fridge, which sounded like paradise to Jensen. He trailed behind the other man, who was reaching into his pocket for his keys, and thought about how familiar and easy this all was. He never would have thought that the guy who rescued him from being beaten up in a bar, a guy who nearly hated his guts on sight, would become- what? A friend? A close friend? Possibly his best friend?

Jared looked up at him then, putting his keys in the door as he was talking- Jensen didn't even know what about. The sun was shining directly through the window at the end of the hall. It flooded the corridor around Jared, who was grinning at Jensen, and suddenly everything clicked. Jensen swallowed hard and stepped forward as Jared pushed the apartment door open, waiting for Jensen to pass through. Jensen stopped in front in front of a smiling Jared and looked at him for a moment before he reached up to cup Jared's cheek.

Jensen could feel his heart beating a mile a minute, and it only got faster as Jared stared back at him, confusion in his eyes. Jensen ignored that, ignored that they were in the middle of a very public hallway and that they were sweaty and still slightly out of breath and - everything.

He kissed him.

Leaned up those few inches that separated them and kissed him on the mouth, soft and sure. Jensen could feel Jared's hand twitch against him and prayed that it would wrap around his waist or his neck and Jared would move and kiss him back, but it never came. Jared raised his hand and put it on Jensen's arm, not pushing- just resting. Jensen pulled back a little and saw that Jared's eyes were still confused, his brow furrowed now. He felt his heart thump hard in his chest and then drop as his body took a chill. He stepped back and wiped his fingers over his own lips gently with his head ducked.

"I... sorry. I'm just gonna-" Jensen turned around sharply and walked quickly down the hall, away from Jared and the eyes that Jensen could feel on his back until he disappeared into the stairwell. He took the stairs so quickly he almost tripped down one flight, and he jogged out to his rental car, parked in the lot. When he got inside he cranked the air conditioner and leaned his head against the steering wheel, waiting for his stomach to stop churning so he could get back to the hotel and vomit in peace.

~~~~

Jared showered in a daze. He knew what happened, could still feel Jensen's lips on his. He just couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the events, though, because Jensen Ackles kissed him. He didn't know what to do or say or how to react. He didn't even know if he liked it.

Jared laughed out loud harshly. He was kidding himself- of course he liked it! At least, he thought he did. That's where things got dicey, because Jared wasn't sure what was going on with himself. He could still feel Jensen's lips on his as he ran the soap over his body, wondering what Jensen had thought when Jared just stood there like a fucking plank of wood.

"He thinks I'm a total tool," Jared groaned, thumping his head lightly against the shower wall. He didn't know what could possibly have made Jensen want to do that in the hallway, all out of the blue and sudden like that, but now Jared felt like a grade-A jerk for not saying something or stopping him from leaving ,- for not doing something. Even if it was all a mistake the last thing he wanted to do was fuck up their friendship, because he truly did enjoy the guy's company.

Jensen's lips had been soft and warm against his. The man knew how to kiss, obviously, which Jared now knew. If only he'd kissed him back or opened his mouth or said something like, "Mmm." Anything but freezing up and watching Jensen walk away from him.

The soap circled lower and lower over his abdomen and stomach, creating bubbles and lather on his skin that sluiced down his torso and lean legs. His fingers brushed through his pubic hair and he could feel his cock twitch between his legs the more he thought about Jensen's sweaty body pressed against his own. He created a lather in his hand and brought it to his cock, tugging and pulling until he was stroking his length and thrusting his hips up into his fist. He dropped the soap into the bathtub and used his free hand to run across his chest, pinching his nipples as his mind kept flashing technicolour images of Jensen like a slide show against his eyelids- Jensen smiling, Jensen worried, Jensen biting his lip, Jensen on set and looking sexy as hell in his wardrobe, Jensen laughing, Jensen eating and making a mess of himself, Jensen's eyes lit up in surprise or happiness, Jensen Jensen JenjenjenjenjensenJensen.

The last image Jared could see in his mind was Jensen leaning into him, close enough to breathe in the musky smell of his sweat and cologne and everything else that made him up. Jensen's eyes half-lidded and glancing between Jared's confused gaze and lips that fit against Jensen's perfectly as he closed the gap and pressed his mouth against Jared's and-

Jared came with a loud groan, spilling over his hand as he jerked his cock quickly, riding out his orgasm until his legs shook and his head lolled on his shoulders. He leaned against the wall heavily and watched the evidence wash away down the drain. He breathed in slowly, catching his breath, then turned the water down as cold as he could stand it and rinsed the remaining soap off. When he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel he caught a look at himself in the mirror and took in his flushed cheeks and swollen lips.

"Holy fuck," Jared muttered and leaned in closer. He couldn't remember ever feeling this confused and consumed, spent and suspended in disbelief and insecurity and disarray. "I kissed Jensen," he whispered, the impact of what that meant finally hitting him so hard he sat down on the closed toilet.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there but it was long enough for him to come to the conclusion that he may have just fucked up everything he managed to achieve without saying one single word- which was precisely the problem.

~~~~

Jensen spent the night pacing in his hotel room and flipping through the television channels rapid fire until he made himself dizzy. He thought about going back to Jared's and demanding that he listen to him explain what happened and why he kissed him, but he figured neither of them was in the necessary frame of mind to discuss that rationally, given Jared's reaction. It also didn't help that Jensen raided his mini-bar as soon as he got back to his room and was currently half-drunk, on his way to totally plastered.

"At least he won't have to save me from being beaten up and drive me home," Jensen giggled to himself, dropping to the bed unsteadily. He grabbed his cell phone and thumbed through the menu until he found Jared's number. He should call him. No, he shouldn't but he really wanted to. But then there was the problem of not being in the right frame of mind to talk to him about what happened. Or to talk to him at all, really. He flipped the phone shut and threw it on the floor before flopping back on the bed tiredly.

It was Jared's fault that Jensen fell for him, really. If he weren't so hot and nice and friendly and didn't have those massive hands and come-fuck-me eyes when he was tired or drunk or... any time, really. Yeah, it was all Jared's fault that Jensen kissed him, couldn't stop thinking about him, wanted to call him - just wanted him.

Jensen grunted as he heaved himself to prop up against the headboard. He clumsily unbuckled his pants and unzipped them, pulling his cock out. He was already half-hard from thinking about Jared all night, quickly approaching full as he palmed himself and thought about Jared's mouth and tongue and biceps and the way the sweat trailed down his back into his shorts as he walked and his ass moved under his shorts... oh, yeah. Jensen stuck his tongue out of his mouth as he concentrated, working his cock quickly. If Jared was only hot and had the personality of a cardboard box he wouldn't feel this way, he knew. Jensen was an actor for Christ's sake- he worked with hot people every day, but most of them were self-absorbed, snobby and boring as hell. Jared though- Jared was fucking perfect.

"Goddamn," Jensen breathed as he was assaulted with thoughts of Jared and images of him throughout the weeks they'd known each other- Jared laughing, Jared rolling his eyes at him, Jared standing up for him in the bar, Jared hot and sweaty and breathing hard against him as he'd leaned in- "Fuck, Jared."

Jensen spilled over his hand messily and jerked his hips up as he came, panting Jared's name out softly as he caught his breath. He wiped his hand on his shirt and let his head fall to the side while his body relaxed for the first time since he fled Jared's apartment building.

That was exactly how he woke up hours later, with a stiff neck, limp cock hanging out of his pants and shirt crusty with come. He groaned and covered his face with his hand, wrinkling his nose as he noticed that his hand was still covered in dried come as well. He stumbled to the bathroom to strip and wash up, then he flopped back in bed to get at least a few hours of sleep before he had to get up and face Jared and everything else the next day.

He woke up feeling somewhat less hung over and managed to get through his day with relative ease. Lynne gave him a knowing glance when she breezed through his trailer in the morning, but either because she knew better or because of Jensen's pleading glance she didn't say anything. Jensen spent most of the day on edge, snapping around to get a look at every single person in his line of vision who was tall or had shaggy hair but none of them were Jared. Finally at the end of the day he approached Darren and asked if he knew where Jared was.

"I sent him to work out of my office near the hotel for the day because I had a lot of things that needed to be couriered out and run around town. I think he's coming back to set to finish out the day, though. Want me to send him to your trailer when he gets here?" Darren asked. Jensen felt his palms get sweaty and shook his head quicky as he chickened out.

"No, that's okay. I'll catch him later," Jensen said and rushed off to makeup and wardrobe so he could change and get the hell off set before Jared showed up.

"One day," he whispered to himself as he jogged away. "I'll give you one day, Padalecki."

~~~~

The knock at the door the next day was hesitant, as if the person on the other side wasn't exactly sure what they wanted to do. Jared seriously contemplated not answering and pretending that he wasn't home or was sleeping or something, but then there was another knock, this time louder and harder. He sighed and walked to the hallway before stopping again.

"Jared," Jensen called out. "I know you're in there. Your truck's in the lot."

There was another sigh from Jared as he trudged forward and opened the door slowly, unsure of how he would find Jensen on the other side. Jensen was standing a couple feet away in the hallway, hands shoved deep into his pockets while he bit his lip. Jared leaned his head up against the barely-ajar door and stared at Jensen.

"Yeah?" he asked, not sure what to say.

"I came by to talk. Or you know, whatever."

"'Whatever?' And shouldn't you be on set?"

"Not- not that whatever. And no, they're doing some background shots with extras this afternoon because of road work nearby. Which you'd know if you had to work today," Jensen replied with a pointed glance. "I came to see if you wanted to hang out."

"I-"

"I get it if you don't want to, I do. I just didn't want to let things get too weird between us. Weirder than they already are," Jensen babbled out, hands still in his pockets as he strained forward slightly, as if to make his point. "I'm sorry, Jared."

"There's nothing-"

"No, really. I shouldn't have done what I did. You're a really great friend and that's something I can't always trust but I can with you and-"

"Jen, would you shut up for a second," Jared finally huffed out with an eye roll, opening the door wider. Jensen looked at him, too shocked and taken aback to say anything. "I'm not mad or upset or anything. I'm- well, I'm not really sure what I am right now, but I'm not mad, okay? Just... surprised, I guess."

Jensen seemed visibly relieved and took a step forward but Jared backed up and closed the door a little. Jensen furrowed his brow and stepped back again, looking hurt. Jared felt like a massive tool and opened the door again and stepped out. "Hey."

"No, I get it. It's cool, man. I really am sorry, Jared," Jensen said, jaw clenched slightly. Jared was the one who was confused now and reached a hand out toward Jensen.

"No, you don't understand. I want to talk to you about this, but-"

"I get it, Jared," Jensen said forcibly and backed up another step.

"Look, seriously Jensen- I want to talk to you about this but I can't right now. I want to invite you in but-"

"Sasquatch!"

Jared and Jensen both turned down the hall toward the direction the voice had called out from. Jared barely had enough time to brace himself before his arms were full of nineteen year-old little sister.

"Hey brat," he said affectionately, hugging her back while he looked over her head at Jensen, who gave him a half-smile of understanding, or so Jared hoped. He blushed and stepped back from his sister, slinging an arm around her shoulders as his parents approached them.

"Thought you guys weren't coming for another hour," he said by way of greeting, hoping his words didn't sound as deliberate out loud as they did in his head.

"We were already in the city to pick some things up, JT," his mom replied, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. "And you know how your father likes to be on time."

"We really just wanted to sneak in and make sure you weren't up to no good," his dad commented, clapping him on the shoulder with a wink as his mom turned to Jensen who had been doing a good impression of a wall up to that point.

"Oh, do you have friends over, JT?" Megan looked up and gasped, her eyes widening in shock and excitement.

"Holy crap!" Megan exclaimed. "You're- holy crap."

Jared blushed again and looked at Jensen apologetically. "Mom, Dad, Megan- this is Jensen. He's-"

"Hot," Megan breathed and immediately her cheeks grew as red as Jared's. Her mouth dropped open and she clapped a hand over it while Jensen chuckled nervously and looked down at his feet. "I mean, I love your work."

"Work?" Jared's mom asked, confused.

"He's an actor, mom," Jared explained. "He was in that movie you liked last summer- the one about the hijacked plane and the president?"

"Oh, yes! You were wonderful in that!" his mom smiled at Jensen who blushed more and stuck his hands in his back pockets. Jared could feel the awkwardness radiating from Jensen, despite the broad smile he gave Jared's mom, who giggled like a love-struck teenager. Much like Megan, in fact.

"So, what brought you out here?" Jared's dad asked gruffly, probably feeling the need to cover up the giggling.

"I'm filming a movie here." Jensen nodded. "I'll be here for another couple months, probably."

"And you know him?" Megan asked, staring up at her brother, confused before turning back to Jensen. "You know my brother's a dork, right?"

Jensen laughed easily, naturally this time, and shrugged. "He has his moments."

""Well isn't that exciting? You must be very busy all the time." Jared's mom spoke up again. "What are you doing this afternoon, Jensen? You'll have to tell us all about your movie and how you're liking it here. We're having a barbecue at the house this afternoon- that's why we're in town, actually. It's the first family barbecue of the summer with all of us together."

"Mom." Jared stepped forward nervously. "You just mentioned that he's really busy, he doesn't have time to come to dinner."

"What are you having, Mrs. Padalecki?" Jensen asked, stepping closer to Jared with a grin that made Jared want to groan.

"Nothing fancy- hot dogs and hamburgers and some steak, salad and whatnot. And Jared's favourite, of course- homemade potato salad. We'd love to have you come."

"What do you know? That's my favorite, too. And it's been so long since I've had a home cooked meal. Thank you for the invitation, I'd love to come, if Jared doen't have a problem with it," Jensen replied, glancing over at Jared with a broad, hopeful smile. Jared's mom beamed at them both while Megan squeezed Jared's arm tightly.

"Of course he doesn't mind!" Jared's mom replied before Jared could say anything. Jensen watched Jared shrug his shoulder and nod once and that was all the approval his mom needed.

"It's a good thing we came early then, isn't it? JT, why don't you and Jensen drive out with us and we can bring you two back in later?" his dad said, turning to leave.

"I'd better just follow you in my truck," Jared said suddenly. "I might get called in to the bar later so it's best I be mobile so I can leave without distracting everyone else. That okay?"

"I'll ride with you!" Megan exclaimed eagerly. Jared opened his mouth to protest but his mother shot him a look, that mother look, and the words died in his throat before he even knew what he was going to say. There went his chances of dropping Jensen off at the hotel before heading out to the house on his own, claiming some sort of on-set emergency.

It wasn't that Jared didn't want Jensen there- he didn't not want him there, he just wasn't sure if he did want him there. He wasn't really sure of much at that very moment and figuring it all out around his family probably wasn't going to happen. He could only hope they wouldn't embarrass him in front of Jensen. Too much, anyway.

"Jensen- can I call you Jensen, by the way?" Megan started as she escorted the actor down the hall, trailing their parents while Jared grabbed his coat from the apartment quickly and locked the door. "Did Jared ever tell you about the time he fell of the roof of our house?"

Jared closed his eyes and held in a groan as he trudged after them, wishing the earth would swallow him whole.

~~~~

Jared was abnormally quiet for the first half of the ride to his parents' house. They didn't live that far from Jared, but it was still too far for the commute to be convenient every day, and the hum from the city fell away so it felt more homey and neighborly. Megan more than made up for Jared's silence, chattering on between the two men about movies she liked and which of Jensen's she enjoyed most and hey, was it true he dated his co-star from that other movie?

"Papers like to make up a lot of stories," Jensen said easily, the same response he gave to any interviewer or person who asked about things like that. He didn't like answering those questions, though, and steered the conversation in another direction.

"So you two haven't seen each other in a while, huh?" Jensen asked, trying to make conversation that would draw Jared into it as well, from the other side of the cab. Megan bounced eagerly between them, oblivious to the tension between the two men.

"I've been at school all year and then I went to stay with my grandparents for a month to help them out and relax. I haven't seen jerkface here since Easter." Megan grinned as she elbowed Jared in the ribs lightly. He grimaced and edged away, forcing a smile at her, but Megan didn't notice his discomfort. Jensen did, though, and instantly felt bad. This was clearly supposed to be a day with his family and Jensen felt like he was intruding. It was too late to turn back, though, and Jensen had to admit, the chance to eat a good home cooked meal was too tempting to make him pipe up with a lame-ass excuse to go back to the hotel. Not to mention he wanted to try to talk to Jared and smooth things over between them, if it was at all possible.

Megan continued to fill the truck with chatter, grilling Jensen about everything she could think of and giggling at his stories. A couple times Jensen looked over and caught Jared smiling to himself as well, but Jared stayed quiet while Jensen and Megan talked. There had to be something in the water that the Padalecki clan drank because his sister was fun to be around, too. He really liked her and by the time they arrived at Jared's childhood house she managed to get Jensen to promise her a bunch of photos and pretty much as many autographs as she wanted. When they got to the house Megan pointed out areas where Jared had managed to get hurt when he was younger or where the old tire swing was and that infamous part of the roof Jared had fallen off of, once upon a time. Jensen noticed the tips of Jared's ears turn pink and smiled to himself as they walked up to the front porch.

As soon as they got in the house Jared dropped to the floor with a huge grin on his face. Jensen looked around, confused, and was nearly knocked off his feet by two very large, very hyper dogs that looked to be some kind of Shepherd and Pit Bull mix. He stepped out of the way as they made a beeline for Jared and knocked him on his ass, slobbering on him and smacking him in the face with speedy tails as they turned around excitedly. Jared laughed it off and played with the dogs, burying his face in their fur contentedly. Jensen raised an eyebrow and laughed at him softly from his place by the door until Jared lifted his head and stared at him over the back of one of the large dogs, his eyes clear and strong.

"Jared, don't get those dogs riled up before dinner, you hear me? I don't want them running around in here or outside when we eat," Jared's mom warned as she brushed past them further into the house. Jared's dad followed as Megan stood around glancing between her brother and Jensen who stood awkwardly.

"You want me to show you around?" Megan asked with a grin. Jensen was just about to open his mouth to accept when Jared pushed the dogs back and stood up, covered in dog hair that he brushed away haphazardly, clearly not caring.

"You have to go help Mom," Jared told her. Megan rolled her eyes and cocked her hip out with a stubborn look on her face. Jensen could see a lot of Jared in her and now understood where he got that stubborn, determined look from that Jared used on set sometimes when he was dealing with something of utmost importance to the shoot or during a tense hand of poker.

"You do, too, dorkface," Megan replied quickly. "Just because you don't live here anymore doesn't mean you get treated like a guest. Jensen's the only guest here."

Jared glanced up at him and Jensen could feel his cheeks getting red. "We could all go help your mom, couldn't we?" he offered weakly. Jensen felt awkward as the Padalecki siblings stared at him. He felt ready to run back out the front door when one of the dogs ambled over to him from Jared's side and pushed a nose under one of his hands. Jensen let it sniff his hand, getting used to his scent before he crouched down in front of it and scratched behind its ears. "What are their names?"

"Sadie and Harley," Jared replied, dropping to one knee to give the other dog attention. "This one with the pointy ears and sort of crazed look to him is Harley. That one," he nodded to the dog Jensen was petting. "Is Sadie. I got her first about five or six years ago when I was still living here. Harley came later."

"You must hate not having them with you," Jensen said softly, watching Jared's expression relax as he ran his hands over Sadie's back.

"I hate the thought of them being cooped up in that small apartment," Jared countered with a shrug. "I don't think any of us would survive if I moved them in with me. At least here they've got lots of room to play, people who take care of them as well as I would, and I still get to see them almost as often as I'd like as long as I don't mind making the drive."

Jensen opened his mouth to reply, feeling like this was the perfect chance to get them to even ground again, when Jared's mom called from the kitchen, "If y'all have two feet and a heartbeat, I could use some help in here to get ready."

"Told you," Megan taunted to Jared who stuck his tongue out at her playfully. He grabbed her as she tried to sneak by and put her in a loose headlock to walk her into the kitchen, casting a tentative grin at Jensen as he trailed behind them. Jensen grinned back but too soon Jared was ruffling his sister's hair and calling her a twerp. He paused for a second in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Jared's family interact with each other and how Jared relaxed around them. Jared's mom glanced back at him, spotted him standing and waiting and drew him into the mix with a smile. She directed him to cut vegetables for the salad while Jared was at his side, getting the hamburger buns ready to go on the grill. A couple times Jensen glanced up at Jared and caught his eyes shifting away at the last second. He smiled to himself and let his hand slip and bump against Jared's a few times until Jared looked up at him and smiled back.

Everyone worked quickly and easily in the small kitchen, laughing and making messes but generally having fun. Jensen let the events of the past few days slip away and found he was enjoying himself and, even more, Jared seemed to be okay with him being there which was more than Jensen could have hoped for at that point.

~~~~

Jared watched Jensen playing in the backyard with Sadie and Harley, smiling wide and genuine for the the first time all day. He laughed to himself as Harley grabbed the chew toy Jensen was holding and pulled him over with a hard tug when Jensen wasn't expecting it. Jensen went sprawling in the grass and sat up, laughing and covered in grass and dirt. Sadie bounded over and slobbered all over him while he tried to grab the toy back from Harley. Jared realized with a start that this was the real Jensen and he could tell him from the 'perfect' Jensen he projected to people he didn't know, the person he showed to reporters and fans and that shone on the cover of magazines. He knew the instant Jensen dropped his Hollywood act and became one of the guys. Jared bit down on his lip and continued to watch Jensen, mulling that over.

Jensen was the perfect dinner guest. He helped Jared's mom bring out plates and utensils and set the picnic table while Jared followed behind him with napkins and a cooler of drinks. He chatted with Jared's dad about baseball and debated with him on Texas' chances in football for the coming season. Josh, Jared's brother who lived down the street from their parents, even muttered to Jared that Jensen didn't seem nearly like the tool he was made out to be in the supermarket rags, which made Jared snort and then he turned around and caught Jensen making funny faces at his niece who was being held by Josh's wife, Chrissy. He covered up his small sigh and goofy grin with a cough and mentioned something about using the bathroom before heading inside.

He could feel Jensen's eyes on his back as he disappeared inside the house with a burning blush staining his cheeks. He felt like a fourteen year old with a crush and damn if he didn't have what felt like butterflies in his stomach and sweaty palms over the man. He liked Jensen. He liked Jensen. It terrified him to realize how true it was but at the same time he was nervous and anxious and excited and wanted so badly to turn around to see if Jensen was still staring at him, but he stopped before he could give in. He shook himself as he walked through the house slowly and tried not to feel like he was in too far over his head.

~~~~

"Where'd Jared get off to?" Jensen asked, playing innocent to Jared's mother. She was a nice lady- hell, Jared's whole damn family was nice. They reminded him of his own family and he felt welcome because of it.

"Oh, he just ran inside to wash up for dinner, Jensen," Jared's mom told him as she finished filling water glasses, and Jensen could see Jared in her grin.

"Actually, I should excuse myself as well," Jensen replied, standing up. "I'll get Jared to show me where it is, then?"

"Of course!" Before he could get away Jared's mom reached out and cupped his cheek. "You're adorable, Jensen. I'm glad JT's made a friend in you."

"Me too, Mrs. Padalecki," Jensen grinned back, wondering what she'd think if she knew he wanted to make more than a friend out of her son. He pushed those thoughts down, however, and walked inside the house, disappearing in the direction he'd watched Jared go.

When he got inside the house he looked around the rooms quickly, checking the downstairs bathroom, before heading toward the stairs where Jared must have gone. He noticed the family pictures lined up on the wall as he took the stairs two by two, chronicling the family from when Jared looked to be about six or seven until his senior year of high school, all six-foot plus of gawky, gangly, awkward and still-growing newly minted graduate. He paused on that one, feeling slightly voyeuristic because he felt like he was seeing a side of Jared that he clearly was not meant to, at least from the way Jared had reacted earlier today. He steeled himself and continued to the top of the stairs, pausing to get his bearings.

Jared wasn't in the upstairs bathroom, either. He could see into the master bedroom at the end of the hall from where he was standing and Jared wasn't in there, either. There were three other doors- one slightly ajar. He approached slowly and pushed the door open further, stepping inside. Jared was standing by the bed, leafing through an old notebook that must have been his.

"Took you long enough," Jared murmured without turning around. Jensen's mouth dropped open slightly and he looked around behind himself to make sure Jared was talking to him.

"I didn't know you wanted me here?" Jensen questioned slowly, confused and unsure.

"It's not that I didn't want you here, Jensen," Jared explained, dropping the notebook on the bed as he turned around. "I've been confused these past few weeks, okay? Between you showing up and then me breaking up with Sandy and getting this new job- it's all a shitfest. Pair that up with you turning whatever was left that I thought was normal upside down and I didn't handle the idea of you and my family colliding very well."

Jensen swallowed hard at Jared's words, finding it suddenly hard to breathe. He'd never meant to disrupt Jared's life in any way. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut, should have kept his hands to himself and realized that Jared was fine without him trying to change things. "Sorry, man."

Jared blinked. "For what?" Jensen furrowed his brow.

"For everything you just said. I've kind of fucked things up for you here."

"Are you always this thick?" Jared asked, shaking his head with a small smile. Jensen cocked his head, totally lost.

"Why do you automatically think the worst when I mention how weird my life's gotten? No one ever confronts me on this stuff, Jensen. I've never given it much thought myself and everyone else just figured this is where I was meant to be. Then you came in and made me see everything I could be doing. How is that a bad thing?"

"But Sandy-"

"Neither of us were very upset with the break up, Jensen. Doesn't that say something? Sandy's one of my best friends, sure, but I think that's all she's been for a long time. You just kicked my ass and got me doing things I wouldn't have otherwise and I should be thanking you for that," Jared told him with a shrug, stepping closer.

"But Sunday night," Jensen started in a low voice. "That kiss-"

"That wasn't a kiss." Jared shook his head.

"It wasn't?" Jensen asked, confused.

"Nope," Jared said with a grin as he stepped up to Jensen, pushing him lightly against the wall by the door. "This is."

Jared ducked his head and pressed his lips softly to Jensen's for a moment before opening his mouth and reaching up with one massive hand to cup the back of Jensen's head. Jensen let his hands flail for a moment before settling them on Jared's well-toned upper arms, clutching at the fabric of his thin t-shirt. He opened his mouth as well when he felt Jared's tongue cautiously press past his lips. He tried to edge closer, wanting to feel Jared against him but his legs refused to move as Jared kissed him slow and easy. Jensen started to move one of his hands around Jared's shoulders to mirror his position but he vaguely registered a door slam and the sound of footsteps downstairs.

"Jared!" Megan bellowed from the bottom of the stairs. Jared and Jensen sprang apart quickly, breathing heavily, and Jensen could feel his hands shaking as he clenched them into fists to get them to stop.

"Yeah?" Jared yelled back out the door.

"Mom says dinner will be ready in five minutes and to get your asses down here!" she yelled back. Jensen thought he could faintly hear Jared's mom scolding Megan from the backyard that she didn't say 'asses'.

"Yeah, okay! Give us a couple minutes, I'm showing Jensen the house!" Jared turned back to Jensen and shrugged, his lips swollen and red.

Jensen fought back the urge to laugh hysterically and smiled at Jared as he slid back in front of Jensen, hesitant and nervous now. Jensen reached up and brushed his fingertips across Jared's mouth lightly. Jared tried to lean in for another kiss but Jensen stopped him with a hand to his chest as he shook his head.

"Better not," Jensen said softly. Jared nodded and looked down, avoiding Jensen's eyes until the other man jerked his shirt at the front a little to grab his attention. "Hey, it's not that I don't want to."

"I know." Jared nodded. "Later."

"Later," Jensen echoed emphatically.

They straightened their clothes and brushed their hair down, trying to let the flush in their cheeks go away before they went back downstairs. Every time Jensen glanced over at Jared throughout the evening Jared's ears would turn pink and Jensen would feel his own face heating up in response. Their arms and hands brushed repeatedly during the meal as they passed platters back and forth over the picnic table and Jensen had to take a deep breath every time so he wouldn't be tempted to inch closer to Jared on their side of the table or lay a hand on Jared's strong, muscled thigh. And all the while they smiled brightly at Jared's parents and his sister who were none the wiser.

If only the Academy could see him now, Jensen thought to himself ruefully as Jared's hand ran over the back of his on the way to grab a roll, and they both cranked their smiles brighter.

~~~~

Megan rode back to the city with them, claiming to be meeting up with a friend of hers, but Jared was pretty sure she purposely called someone- anyone- so she could spend more time with Jensen. Not that he minded. He really wasn't sure what to say to Jensen now or how to act, so she was a good buffer between them, chattering and talking to Jensen the whole way in.

Jensen kissed her on the cheek chastely once Jared pulled up to a house a few blocks from his apartment. Megan blushed down to the tips of her toes before she hopped out of the truck and ran up the front walk of her friend's house. Jared waited until she was inside the house before pulling away from the curb, a sudden, thick silence falling between himself and Jensen. He drummed the fingers of one hand on the steering wheel as he drove, the other laying on the seat between them. He was watching the houses and stores pass him by when he felt something brush his hand and then a warm weight cover it. He looked over and Jensen was staring back at him hesitantly. Jared turned his hand over under Jensen's and laced their fingers together. Jensen flushed a little and stared out the window the rest of the way to Jared's apartment.

Jared pulled into the parking lot and parked beside Jensen's rental car. He cut the engine and listened to it ping as it cooled down. Jared watched Jensen out of the corner of his eye, wondering what he should do or say or if he should at all. Jensen appeared to be struggling with the same things because he remained silent and still as well. Finally Jared looked over at Jensen and squeezed his hand.

"Want to come up?" he asked huskily, his tone surprising both of them. Jensen shifted in his seat and cleared his throat but didn't pull his hand back.

"I probably shouldn't. Have to be up early to be on set and you have to be there even earlier than me," Jensen replied, just as quiet. Jared nodded and tried to push down the sprout of fear that was currently seeding in his stomach, curling up with doubts and paranoid delusions. He worried that in the hours between their kiss in his childhood bedroom and now Jensen had changed his mind about them.

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" Jensen asked. "We could-"

"I work at the bar. From ten till two. So I can't-"

"No, yeah. I get it. It's cool. Maybe Thursday or the weekend or something." Jensen nodded, and looked away out the window. The awkwardness was starting to make Jared's hand sweat against Jensen's and his mind was working over time, screaming at him to say or do something- to fucking move, so he started to pull his hand away. His fingers twitched under Jensen's and he opened his mouth to say something that would probably end up being pretty lame and then there was Jensen.

Before Jared could even take a breath Jensen was sliding across the seat and tugging him forward and dragging his head down to kiss him senseless, lips pressed hard and toungues tangling. Jared groaned and cupped Jensen's face with both of his hands, sweaty palm and all, while Jensen curled his fingers into Jared's button-up shirt to pull him closer. Jared tried to turn around into the kiss, but the seatbelt held him back and he let out a low growl as he fought to unbuckle it while keeping his hands on Jensen- petting, touching, feeling his way across his face and neck and down his back to rest on a hip or thigh or upper arm. Jensen tried to help but their fingers got tangled and he smiled against Jared's lips while Jared made frustrated noises as he continued to lick and suck at Jensen's mouth. Jensen whispered Jared's name once before pulling back and ducking his head with a laugh. The seatbelt was pressed against Jared's neck and his lips were swollen and red, giving him the tied up and debauched look.

"Jesus," Jensen muttered before leaning back in to kiss Jared quickly while unbuckling the belt for him. Jared tried to reach for him again but Jensen pulled back with an apologetic smile. "I should go."

Jared nodded and sat back against the seat, blowing out a long breath. "Yeah."

"You're working tomorrow, right?" Jensen asked, as if needing to be assured. Jared bit at his swollen lip and nodded as Jensen edged back to his side of the seat, his eyes on Jared's mouth. "So I'll see you then?"

"Yeah," Jared replied, voice hoarse. Jensen fumbled with the door handle and nearly fell out of the cab when he finally got it open. Jared hopped out of his side and followed Jensen to his car. "So...?"

"Yeah?" Jensen asked, fishing the keys out of his pocket and concentrated on getting the door unlocked.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Jared repeated. Jensen turned back to him, moving close enough to grab a fistful of Jared's t-shirt and pull him down for a quick but hard kiss.

"Yeah. Tomorrow." Jared grinned and backed up so he could get in his car and drive away. Jensen honked the horn as he pulled away and Jared gave him a short wave before jogging to his apartment, grinning the whole way.

~~~~

Jared had to laugh when he woke up the next morning feeling jittery and nervous. He couldn't remember feeling like that in... ever, possibly. It had been so simple with Sandy. He actually didn't remember ever being nervous around her or even needing to be- it all just happened. But Jensen, well. Jensen was obviously different than anything he'd ever known and it made Jared want to be different, try new things, be better. He grinned the whole way to work and when Darren asked him why he was more cheerful than usual that morning Jared just winked and handed him his usual latte. It wasn't until later in the morning that he finally saw Jensen, while he was taking a quick break at the craft services table.

"Hey," Jensen said, sidling up to Jared who was raiding craft services of their jelly rolls and cheese croissants. Jared grinned back at Jensen and jerked his head toward one of the picnic tables at the end of the row where everyone ate. Jensen followed with his own plate of food and they sat on the same side of one table, trying to keep a few inches between them so it wouldn't look too odd.

"How's it going?" Jensen asked quietly, popping a couple of grapes in his mouth.

Jared nodded. "Not bad."

"Not freaking out, or anything?" Jensen asked casually.

"What makes you think I'd be freaking out?" Jared countered and Jensen shrugged.

"Just making sure, I guess?"

"Should I be? Do you want me to be freaking out?"

"Of course not. I'm just- I really don't want to fuck this up, you know?"

Jared ducked his head and then glanced up at Jensen from under his mop of shaggy hair and grinned shyly. "I get that." Jared watched Jensen's eyes light up and he smiled back before glancing around and bit his lip, straightening. Jared knew that he understood, though.

"Come to my trailer on your next break, okay? I've got to run through some lines between spots for a couple entertainment shows so I'll probably be hanging out there all day," Jensen explained as they finished their snacks and stood to throw out their garbage. "We could play some Playstation or something, I'll need something to distract me from the boredom."

Jared nodded and waved as he started walking in the other direction, back to where Darren was shouting directions to the rest of the crew. "Will do. Catch you later." Jared tried to keep the grin on his face from being too obvious and resisted the urge to give a little wiggle because he could feel Jensen watching him as he walked off. Part of him was downright embarrassed at how lovesick and school yard crush-esque he felt but the other part, the part that was clearly ruling, didn't care and basked in the newfound giddiness he was feeling.

~~~~

"Hey," Jared said as he entered Jensen's trailer after a brief knock. Jensen was sitting at the small table with his script while tapping his fingers on the tabletop. "You okay?"

"Bored out of my fucking mind," Jensen sighed as he shoved the script away. "Did you lock the door?"

Jared shot him a weird look and turned back to make sure the door was closed tight and locked it. "You got some-"

Jared was cut off as he turned back around and Jensen was standing in front of him, reaching up to hold his head as he pressed his lips to Jared's, shoving his tongue in his mouth eagerly. Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen's waist and kissed him back, humming into his mouth. He could feel Jensen smile against his mouth and held him tighter, pulling him closer.

When they separated Jensen's lips were swollen and his eyes were heavy lidded and Jared expected he looked just as mussed. He ran his thumb along Jensen's bottom lip and grinned when Jensen stuck the tip of his tongue out to graze the pad. Jensen grabbed his hand and pulled him to his small couch and tugged him down as he sat. Jared followed him and sat rather stiffly, unsure of what to do next. Jensen wrapped his hand around the back of Jared's neck and gently pulled him in for another kiss, letting his other hand fall to Jared's waist. Jared could feel the rough callouses on Jensen's fingers as he trailed his hand up and down Jared's neck, angling his head gently as they kissed easily.

By the time the cell phone in Jared's pocket rang, vibrating between his leg and Jensen's, twenty minutes had passed and Jensen was sprawled under Jared's large body, cradling him between his legs. Jensen gasped into Jared's mouth when his phone went off and he pulled away with a broken laugh as Jared swore and struggled for his phone. He answered it curtly and told Darren he'd be back on set in five, as Jensen gave him a hot look.

"Cut that out, man," Jared mumbled, leaning down to kiss Jensen again quickly. He crawled off Jensen then, standing up to straighten out his clothing as best he could. Jensen sat up and watched him, resisting the urge to pull Jared back down to him. Jared got himself back in order and leaned down to kiss Jensen quickly but a knock at the door surprised them both and they sprang apart.

"Jensen, your next interview is in ten minutes. Are you ready?" Lynne called through the door, tugging on the handle to get it open. Jensen sighed and muttered under his breath to himself as he got up to unlock the door for her. She climbed the steps and smiled at Jared warmly when she noticed he was there.

"Which one is it?" Jensen asked.

"Entertainment Tonight. E! is coming later on," Lynne told him, consulting a notepad she pulled out of her jacket pocket. "Oh, and Jared? Tina was looking for you. Short PA with the high pony-tail?" Lynne gestured to her head to explain when Jared gave her a blank stare.

"Oh," Jared replied dully. He frowned and turned to Jensen. "See you later?"

"You okay?" he asked quietly at Jared's abrupt change in moods.

"Yeah, it's cool," Jared sighed. "She's just... nosy. I'll catch you after we wrap for the day, hey?"

Jared could feel Jensen's eyes on him as he left the trailer, ducking considerably to get through the door. When he got to the production tent Tina was eying him curiously, and Jared held in an exasperated 'what' in favour of a nod and a request for the day's assignments.

"Did you just come from Jensen's trailer?" Tina asked, ignoring his question.

"Yes," Jared replied as naturally as possible.

"How is he?" she asked casually, trying not to look interested.

"Fine," Jared answered shortly.

"So you two are getting to be pretty good friends, huh?" Tina started, moving closer to Jared who watched her carefully. "That's cool. Nice to see you guys are hitting it off.

"Uh huh," Jared said slowly.

"It's just, you know, everyone says he's kind of a loner and doesn't have many friends or anything. It's nice to hear that you guys hang out."

"I can imagine," Jared replied lightly. She raised her eyebrows at Jared but he just looked back at her calmly, refusing to give any more information than she asked for, or was necessary. Tina rolled her eyes and slapped some papers in his hand.

"Darren needs this stuff by the end of the day and he's going to be back on set in an hour."

"Thanks," Jared murmured and turned to leave.

"You know people are talking about you, too?" Tina said behind him. "Wondering what's so great about you?"

"I'd be disappointed if they didn't," Jared threw back and left as quickly as possible without looking like he was running away.

~~~~

The first time Jensen took a chance and eased his hand into Jared's pants he wasn't sure if he was crossing a line. He didn't ask first and Jared didn't say anything about where his boundaries were so Jensen decided to take things into his own hands- quite literally. They were on the sofa in his sitting area in his hotel suite- the first time Jared had visited him at his hotel- and one thing led to another.

"Jen..." Jared moaned and tried to stop himself from thrusting up into Jensen's hand. Jensen buried his face in Jared's neck and unzipped his jeans more to get a better angle.

He murmured against Jared's throat, "It's okay. Don't hold back." Jared groaned and his hips moved jerkily with Jensen's hand, already too hard, too hot, too much in general to stop moving. The movie that Jared picked for them to watch was long forgotten and played quietly in the background as Jensen's hand curled around him, stroking him with rough, sure pulls. Jensen's mouth moved against his neck, licking and sucking gently, trying not to leave marks and succeeding for the most part. Jensen moved closer, almost straddling Jared's thigh and rubbed against him, trying to get his own friction. It was all too much for Jared and he shuddered suddenly, coming all over Jensen's hand and shaking around him. Jensen moaned with him and kept stroking him lightly until Jared grunted at the touch on his sensitive cock.

"Fuck," Jensen whispered, sitting back some. He shakily undid his own pants, pulled out his own cock and wrapped the hand that Jared came on around it, closing his eyes to avoid Jared's heavy-lidded stare.

"Jen," Jared whispered, trying to edge forward. "Let me."

"No," Jensen breathed, curling his leg around Jared's thigh tighter and moving against him as his hand moved quickly. "I'm almost..." Within a minute he came as well, panting loudly and staring at Jared, slack-jawed.

"Down and dirty, but it was either that or come in my pants," Jensen explained when he caught his breath.

"I should feel flattered?" Jared asked, laughing a little. Jensen smiled and nodded, leaning forward to kiss him lightly.

"So much for the movie," he mumbled.

"It wasn't that good anyway," Jared told him, kissing Jensen's throat.

"You're right. I passed on it," Jensen replied, arching into Jared.

"Smart man." Jared just laughed as Jensen poked him in the stomach.

~~~~

Jared's life took an unexpected and very weird turn once he and Jensen settled into a variation on their usual routine. They still met for meals on set and Jensen saw Jared at the bar and they went to play cards and went to a couple movies, went to parties hosted by Jared's friends, but for every moment they spent together under the guise of being close friends, there was another stolen moment, too. Kissing under a stairwell or in Jensen's trailer, the brush of their hands when reaching for the same thing, a quick and bone-melting hand-job in Jared's truck before dropping Jensen off at night- all frequent occasions that worked their way into Jared's life. He had to admit that it was rather exciting and sexy to be sneaking around all the time, but he wondered to himself if it would only ever be sneaking around. Every time Jensen looked around to see who was watching or stopped kissing him suddenly because he thought someone would walk in the room or when he shushed Jared because he was moaning too loudly- it dampened his unspoken hopes that maybe Jensen would just come out already.

Then Jensen would kiss him and whisper against his lips and Jared would forget everything else for the time being- which was all he could really want at that point.

"Hey, I brought dinner," Jensen called out as he walked into Jared's apartment without knocking one night after they finished work for the day. In the living room Jared was putting a disc in the dvd player, ready for a quiet night to relax after a long day on set.

"You mean you ordered room service and got them to box it up?" Jared asked with a knowing smile as Jensen walked in and rolled his eyes.

"It's the thought that counts?" Jensen tried again, setting the bag down on the coffee table. Jared just shook his head and tried to walk past Jensen to the kitchen so he could grab some plates and utensils. Jensen grabbed his hand and pulled him to a stop before he could disappear into the other room, tugging him to him and tilting his head up for a quick kiss. Jared wrapped their joined hands behind Jensen's back and gave in willingly, smiling against his lips briefly before pulling back. He bit down on Jensen's lower lip lightly and then let him go to get to the kitchen. Jensen grinned at his back goofily, then shook it off and started pulling the take out containers out of the bag.

Jared sat down on the floor, pulling the coffee table to him for easier access as he ate and Jensen sat on the couch behind him, balancing his plate on one knee and eating with one hand while the other ran through Jared's hair. Jared didn't eat more than a few mouthfuls before he was leaning his head back on Jensen's leg and watching the movie with half-closed eyes. Jensen put his plate aside as well and Jared moved to the couch, sitting as close to Jensen as he dared without curling around the other man and tried to watch the movie as closely as possible, a feat easier said than done with Jensen leaning over to kiss his neck softly.

"And just what," Jared started, turning his head enough to look Jensen in the eyes. "Do you think you're doing?"

"You're supposed to neck at the movies, aren't you?" Jensen asked with a smirk.

"I don't know if it's quite the same thing. My floors aren't nearly as sticky, for one," Jared replied with a laugh. Jensen leaned in and kissed him slowly, working his tongue between Jared's lips lazily. Jared opened up to him and cupped Jensen's jaw with his hand, tilting his head at just the right angle to coax noises of approval from Jensen. Jared leaned back against the couch as Jensen's hand went questing over his body, finding the edge of his t-shirt and working it under so he could run a hand over Jared's flat, stomach and muscled chest. Jared didn't disapprove when Jensen pulled back and kissed his throat, sucking and licking down to where the collar of his shirt hid skin. Jensen grabbed the edge of the t-shirt again and yanked it up, leaning down to kiss Jared's chest.

Jared's mouth dropped open and he pressed back into the couch cushions as he watched Jensen move down his body with his mouth. Jensen could feel his cock start to press against the zipper of his jeans and moved his hips a little in hopes of relieving some of the pressure. Jensen laid a hand on his leg, perilously close to Jared's growing hard on. He tried to edge his hips out of the way, to grab Jensen's hand and hold it instead but Jensen slid off the couch and onto his knees beside Jared.

"What are you doing?" Jared asked, his voice thicker than usual. Jensen ran his hands up and down Jared's exposed midsection until his hands rested on Jared's beltbuckle.

"You're right. Your floors aren't sticky. It makes this that much eaiser." Jensen winked at him and Jared frowned, confused until Jensen started to unbuckle his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. Jared's mouth fell open slightly and he wasn't sure what to say or do. Luckily Jensen took the lead and coaxed Jared's hips up enough to slide the jeans down his thighs just enough for Jared to spread his legs wider. His mouth was dry now and his breaths were raspier than usual. Jensen grinned up at him as he pulled Jared's cock from his underwear and palmed it, rubbing his thumb over the head.

"Oh, god," Jared whispered as he watched Jensen lower his head and suck Jared's cock into his mouth. That was the last thing he could remember saying or even thinking after that.

Jared watched as Jensen moved his head up and down, lips sliding easily over his cock. He could feel his body heating up with every lick and suck Jensen made, fingers digging into Jared's thighs that were still covered by his jeans. Jensen had only given him a wolfish grin and an arched eyebrow as warning before he dropped to his knees and pulled Jared's jeans open. Jared had stared down at him dumbly, lifting up at Jensen's command so he could slide the jeans down enough to pull his cock out, then his mouth was on Jared's cock and neither of them thought of much else.

Jared dropped one hand to Jensen's head and guided him up and down, fast then slow and fast again, and groaned softly. Jensen followed his commands and swirled his tongue over the head of Jared's cock every time he pulled up, enjoying Jared's response as his fingers tried to wind around his short hair. Jared threw his head back and gasped every time Jensen's tongue licked over the head of his cock. Jensen kept humming and moaning around him, driving Jared closer to the edge. He wasn't sure how long he held on for but it felt like forever and no time at all at once. Too soon, it seemed he was coming, jerking and pulsing in Jensen's mouth but there was a feeling of finally racing through his body; a relief at the sudden and welcome release.

"Jesus," Jared panted as soon as he could catch his breath and say something semi-coherent. Jensen grinned up at him from his spot on the floor and carefully tucked him back into his pants. Jared noticed Jensen shifting uncomfortably from his spot and urged him up off the floor. He tried to lay Jensen down on the couch beside him but Jensen resisted at first.

"It's okay, Jared. I don't want you to feel like you have to reciprocate, man," Jensen explained. Jared just gave him a look and tugged him down to the couch and kissed him hard before pushing him back against the cushions.

"Guide me," he whispered as he unzipped Jensen's pants. It's not like he didn't know the basic steps to giving a blowjob. He'd obviously had a few in his day and curiosity demanded that he find video on the subject when he was tentatively exploring the idea of being attracted to men.

Jensen took a deep breath as Jared pushed Jensen's boxer briefs down and pulled him out. He laid his hand on Jared's and wrapped his fingers the way he liked. "Like this, tighter here. Don't be afraid to go harder, I don't mind."

Jared started slowly, watching Jensen for his reactions when Jared tried different things with his fingers, dropping his other hand down to trace patterns on Jensen's jean-clad thighs and eventually trail under his cock to his balls. Jensen's whole body jerked when Jared scraped a fingernail along the crease between his balls and he grinned, listening to Jensen moan loudly. When Jensen's eyes fluttered shut Jared took a breath and lowered his head to Jensen's cock, licking a stripe up from base to tip. Jensen's eyes popped open quickly and then shut just as fast again when Jared repeated that, in between strokes.

"That's good," Jensen told him, voice strained. "That's really good."

Jared smiled to himself and moved his free hand to the edge of Jensen's t-shirt, pushing it up far enough to Jared could scrape his nails over Jensen's chest and nipples. Jensen let out a strangled moan and dropped his head to the back of the couch, trying to relax around Jared so he wouldn't thrust up at him. Jared could see his restraint and while he appreciated it, he didn't want to be coddled.

He started stroking faster and moving his hand in a way he'd seen in a couple porn videos, not sure if the move would work. Jensen's grunts and rhythmic moaning seemed to assure him that it did, indeed, work and he kept going with it as he flicked his tongue over the head of the cock between strokes. Jensen couldn't hide his reactions now and he moaned loudly as his feet moved restlessly around Jared. Jared took the head in his mouth a little at a time and bobbed up and down experimentally until he could feel Jensen's hand on his shoulder, pushing him back. Jared backed off a little but kept his lips on the head so Jensen came in his mouth. He didn't recoil at the sudden rush or the taste and managed to swallow most of it. When Jensen finally relaxed he looked down at Jared who was pulling back and grabbed him, sitting up to kiss him suddenly. He licked at Jared's chin where he spilled a little and Jared gasped at how fast his cock responded to the feeling, the very thought of Jensen doing that.

Jensen pulled him down on the couch with him, moving his body around enough for Jared to share the space awkwardly, wrapping his arms around Jensen's shoulders and covering Jensen's legs with one of his own. Jensen continued to kiss his face, moving down his neck where he bit lightly and soothed the mark with his tongue. Jared let out a contented sigh and relaxed against him easily, body suddenly boneless.

"You catch on quick," Jensen mumured, kissing Jared's chin.

"I have good reason to," Jared rumbled back so Jensen could feel the vibrations through their skin and clothes.

"We should do something this weekend. Maybe go see a movie or something," Jensen pondered as he ran his hand up and down Jared's back.

"We could do that," Jared replied easily. "I was thinking of having some people over on Saturday or something. Have another barbecue, maybe. Or we could go out for dinner- oh! There might be a game this weekend, we could get tickets."

Jensen laughed. "It all sounds good. We'll figure it out." Jared relaxed and listened to the steady sound of Jensen breathing under him.

~~~~

"I should go," Jensen mumbled against Jared's mouth as he tried to back up slowly toward the door later in the week. Every night ended up like this, one of them leaving slowly, trying to draw out one last kiss or leisurely stroke of a hand down the other's body. Jared walked him backwards, hands on Jensen's hips as he kissed the other man thoroughly.

"You don't have to," Jared replied, just as muffled. Jensen let out a frustrated groan and pulled Jared against him tighter.

"I should, though."

Jared pulled back enough to look into Jensen's eyes, their lips swollen. "Don't."

Jensen looked serious for a moment, then opened his mouth to speak with a slight smile. Jared could have screamed when the knock came at the door and then Sandy's voice called out, "Jared, are you there? Can I talk to you?"

"Fuck," he cursed quietly, burying his face in Jensen's neck.

"Guess that's my cue," Jensen said ruefully before he pulled away from Jared and straightened his clothes quickly. Jared ran a hand through his hair and wiped his mouth, knowing he still looked rumpled and aroused but he hoped Sandy wouldn't notice. Jensen nodded and Jared answered the door for Sandy who walked in without question. She stopped short when she saw Jensen and grinned.

"Hey, Jensen. What's up? What were you guys up to? Anything exciting happening on set?" She asked rapid fire so Jensen had to laugh and gave her a quick hug.

"Not much, hanging out and nothing out of the ordinary," he replied with a grin. "I wish I could stay and talk with you Sandy, but I have to get home and go to bed. Don't you keep this one up too late, now."

Jensen reinforced his words with a pointed finger in Jared's chest. Jared grabbed Jensen's hand and kept it away from him playfully, mock-growling at him until Jensen pulled his hand back with a laugh and stepped out the door. "Talk to you tomorrow?" he asked, looking up at Jared. Jared nodded and mouthed 'goodnight' before shutting the door softly and turning to Sandy.

"What's up?"

She stared back at him questioningly, and Jared could see the thoughts forming, the wheels moving as she thought. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Jared asked innocently.

"I saw that."

"Saw what?" Jared laughed and brushed past her to the kitchen where he grabbed a beer and drank half of it right away. She stood behind him in the doorway, hands on hips as she watched him calculatingly.

"What's going on, Jared?"

"Nothing, Sandy!" Jared exclaimed. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

"Nothing that can't wait." There was a hesitant pause before she continued. "I see the way you look at him," she said softly. "It's the way I always thought I looked at you."

Jared started to redden and stuttered a little, staring at his beer. "I don't- what are you- what do you mean?"

"Jared, is something going on between you and Jensen?"

Jared sputtered and tried to snort. "No! Of course not. We're just friends, we hang out."

"You're not looking me in the eye. You suck at lying, Jared. We both know it. So what's going on?" Sandy asked him, stepping in front of him so he couldn't look anywhere else. Jared bit his lip and tried to think of something to say that she'd believe but there was nothing.

"It's not like this was supposed to happen. I didn't even like him when he showed up in town!" Jared finally exploded. Sandy raised an eyebrow and waited for him to continue. "Things just- happened."

"And what's been happening?" She pressed.

"This can't go any further, Sandy," Jared pleaded. Sandy reached up and slapped him lightly in the face.

"Hey! Who do you think you're talking to here? Just spill, Jared."

"Jensen's gay. I found out awhile ago and that he's still basically in the closet. We've been hanging out a lot and... I don't know."

"One thing led to another?" Jared nodded. "So, are you gay?"

"No. Well, I mean- no. I think I'm bisexual."

"Well. That's certainly something." Jared felt his palms get sweaty as Sandy considered this new information.

"Are you angry?"

"What?" Sandy gaped at him, reaching out to grab his arm reassuringly. "Sure, it's a shock, Jared. I didn't really expect this but no, I'm not angry. Just taken off guard, I guess." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Have you always known?"

"No. I mean, I didn't not know, I just didn't... realize, I guess."

"And Jensen?"

"He's helped me through a lot of stuff. If it weren't for him I'd still be at the gas station and working at the bar full time with no idea what to do with my life or where I'm going-"

"You'd still be with me?" Sandy asked curiously and Jared flushed slightly, shifting uncomfortably in his place.

"Not- he didn't- don't think he stole me away or anything!"

"Oh, god no, Jared!" Sandy laughed. "You're getting worked up over nothing here. I'm okay with this, really! We weren't happy together for a long time, Jared. I know that. Doesn't mean I'm going to be pissed at you because you've moved on or because you're interested in someone else. I guess I'm just surprised, is all. And kinda jealous." Jared caught her rueful grin and let out a quick laugh, somewhat relieved but still reeling from her sudden discovery. He hadn't given any thought to what would happen if someone found out or if he and Jensen were discovered.

"You're the first person to find out," Jared revealed.

"So you're going to tell other people?" Jared just shrugged.

"I think I'm going to have to. My parents don't quite understand why you and I broke up so there's already going to be a talk about that. I don't want to hide or anything."

"But you said Jensen's still kind of in the closet? How's that going to work?"

"I just won't tell anyone about him. If I told them about Jen people might think he 'changed me' or some bullshit, anyway." Jared made air quotes and frowned.

"So you're not going to tell anyone you and Jensen are together?"

"We're not really together," Jared tried to explain.

"What are you, then?"

Jared just shrugged helplessly. "Given everything else that's been going on in my life recently I think trying to define my relationship with an actor I hated on sight and didn't start liking until he almost got his ass kicked and then became a really great friend before anything else is just a little beyond me right now."

"I can see that," Sandy agreed with a laugh. "But wait, what happens when this movie thing is all over? Won't you go back to the bar and the gas station?"

Jared's eyes lit up and he gave her a tentative smile as he grabbed her hand. "Want to know something else about me no one else does?" He led her to his bedroom where he pulled out a stack of papers and college course books, showing Sandy the programmes on film-making, directing and producing from various colleges and universities around the country.

"Jared, this is great! Are you really going to take one of these?"

"I've already applied to a couple courses," Jared revealed quietly. He had looked for information on the courses and different schools on his own after doing some research through people he worked with on set. He applied to one in Dallas, one in New York and, on a whim, one in Los Angeles. "I don't want anyone to know because- well, it's..."

"Private. And a big thing for you," Sandy supplied. Jared nodded his agreement, then she leaned in and hugged him tight. "I'm proud of you, Jared. I just want you to be happy."

"Thanks, Sandy," he replied, surprised. He could only hope every reaction to the major decisions he'd been making would be this well received. "And I'm working on being happy. Any way I can."

~~~~

Another day on set, another night spent playing cards with the guys at the bar. Jensen was trying for a full house and having moderate luck but it seemed that Jared couldn't keep a half-decent hand at all. He fidgeted in his seat to the point where Jensen wanted to clamp his hand down on Jared's knee to stop his leg from vibrating up and down but then he'd be tempted to leave it there and one thing would lead to another...

"Jensen?" Jensen looked up quickly, worried he'd been caught staring or something and saw Landon look at him expectantly.

"Yeah?"

"You in, man?"

"Oh, right. Yeah." He threw his chips in the center of the table and waited for everyone else. Jared's leg was moving again; he could feel it beside him and it was starting to drive him crazy. Thankfully, Jared folded as par for the course that night and rubbed his hands on his legs as he pushed back from the table.

"I'll be right back," he said shortly in response to Jensen's unasked question as he looked up and watched Jared disappear toward the bathrooms.

A few minutes after Jared left Jensen's phone vibrated against his leg, ringtone turned off, and he answered it absently as he accepted his extra cards from the dealer. One of the other guys, Landon, called the hand and the table erupted in a chorus of jeers as he collected the pot. It was so loud Jensen almost missed the words of the caller.

"Tell the guys I'm sick and you need to take me home," Jared told him over the line, voice low. Jensen furrowed his brow and turned slightly in his seat, away from the noise.

"What? Jared, what's wrong?"

"Nothing unless you don't come get me and take me home," Jared replied impatiently. "Tell the guys I'm sick and waiting for you outside so you can take me home, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to pin you to the fucking table in front of everyone if I can't touch you right now."

Jensen froze as his mind flashed a myriad of scenes in his head of Jared hovering over him on the table, grinning and flushed and leaning in and- "I'll be right there." He flipped his phone shut quickly and launched himself out of his chair, grabbing his coat.

"Jared's really sick, guys. He's in the bathroom having it out with the toilet so I'm going to get him out of here and take him home."

"That sucks, man. Always told Jared to stop drinking the cheap beer," Dave joked as he shuffled the cards. "Yeah, get out of here and get him home."

"Later," Jensen saluted them and fled to the bathroom where Jared was waiting just inside the door when Jensen pushed it open slowly. Jared grabbed his arm on the way out and practically dragged him out of the bar and to the truck. Once they were to the parking lot Jared shoved Jensen up against the side of his truck and kissed him hard, hands cupping the sides of Jensen's head. Jensen felt his knees go rubbery and held onto Jared's shirt, clenching his fingers into the fabric to keep himself from trying to rip it off.

"In the truck," Jensen gasped against Jared's mouth. Jared fumbled with the keys as he pressed his lips to Jensen's neck, trying to get access to his collarbone and chest through the open buttons, and finally got the door open. Jensen climbed across the seat from the driver's side, followed by Jared who rested one hand on the inside of Jensen's leg as he started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.

Jensen watched Jared out of the corner of his eye, trying not to stare directly at him and distract him. His hand was stroking the inside of Jensen's thigh, not getting close enough to rub the backs of his fingers against Jensen's erection, hard and straining against the fly of his jeans, but close enough that Jensen held his breath with every sweep. He resisted the urge to grab Jared's hand and stop his hand from moving and gave into the urge to thrust his hips up, just enough for Jared's hand to slip and cup around his cock. Jensen moaned and Jared looked over, slightly shocked. Jensen grinned wolfishly, winking. "Say something," he whispered, realizing Jared hadn't said anything since they hung up their phones.

"I want you to fuck me," Jared choked out. Jensen's mouth fell open when it got hard to breathe and Jared turned back to the road, tightening his one hand on the steering wheel as he pushed the truck faster in accordance with his other hand that was sliding stroking squeezing around Jensen's cock. Jensen slumped down in his seat and clenched his hands into fists so he wouldn't be tempted to lean over and distract Jared further. He really would hate to be the cause of a car accident before he finally managed to see Jared totally naked.

The drive to Jared's building seemed to take no time at all, but climbing the three flights of stairs to the apartment took for-fucking-ever, on account of Jared pushing Jensen up against the wall at every landing, burying his face in his neck and running his hand up and down Jensen's back under his shirt, curling his fingers under the waistband of his jeans a few times. Jensen shoved him away and grabbed his hand, pulling him higher until they finally got to Jared's floor. Jensen pressed himself against Jared's back as he fumbled with his keys, hands unsteady as he tried to get the key into the lock. Jensen reached around and pressed his hands flat against Jared's front, pulling him backwards slightly, and buried his face in Jared's back, moaning as Jared's muscles flexed everywhere around him.

Finally the door was open, finally Jared was pulling him inside and finally Jensen was pushing Jared's shirt up over his head, mumbling 'fuck it' to the buttons. Jared followed his lead and pushed Jensen's jacket down his arms, then tugged his button up and undershirt up over his head. Jared tried to toe out of his shoes as he stepped backwards but Jensen pushed him at the same time and Jared stumbled, almost falling onto his ass. Jensen snickered at him briefly before stepping forward and kissing Jared's chest and running his tongue over Jared's pectorals. Jared groaned and let his head fall back, holding Jensen to him by his upper arms. Jensen pressed in further and he could feel Jared's cock jump in his jeans against him when he ducked his head and bit down lightly on Jared's left nipple.

"Come on," Jensen whispered, grabbing Jared's hand and leading him to the bedroom. He pushed Jared to the bed, guided by the streetlights that flooded the room and made it easy to see. Jared sat down on the bed easily and tried to pull Jensen down to him with a grin, but Jensen resisted. He stepped in close, between Jared's legs, and brushed Jared's hair out of his smiling face. Jared rested his hands on Jensen's hips and curled his thumbs under his waistband, sending a shudder through Jensen's body. Jensen felt his body calm down some as he stood there, running his hands through Jared's hair and he was going to speak up to say something but Jared moved his hands to the front of Jensen's jeans and thumbed the button open with a cocked eyebrow and questioning grin.

Jensen leaned down and kissed Jared hard, licking his tongue into his mouth as he pulled at Jared's hair lightly. Jared growled into his mouth and shoved at Jensen's jeans before he had the zipper fully down. Jensen chuckled against his mouth and helped him, their hands tangling with each other, until the denim was shoved down his legs far enough for him to step out of them. His underwear followed without ceremony. Jensen kicked them away while they continued to kiss, hands on Jared's shoulders for balance. He leaned down and caught Jared's mouth again quickly before shoving him backwards and climbing on the bed to straddle him, working his jeans open.

Jared cupped Jensen's face in his hands and tugged him up to press kisses down the side of his face and neck while Jensen pushed his jeans open and tried to get them down his hips. When he couldn't move them down he let out an exasperated moan against Jared's mouth and pulled back, rolling off Jared and poking at him to lift up so he could tug the pants down his long legs. Jared did with a laugh and let Jensen strip him easily, toeing his shoes off so Jensen could get the jeans off quicker. Once they were finally off and both of them were naked and breathing heavily, Jared pushed Jensen back on the bed and covered him with his body, working his tongue and teeth over Jensen's skin. Jensen watched Jared and bit down on his lip as Jared's mouth caught a sensitive part of his ribs, a sudden sense of reponsibility overtaking him.

"Jared," Jensen started with a gasp as Jared pressed soft, lingering kisses to Jensen's abdomen. "We don't have-"

"If you say we don't have to do this right now and try to spare me my virtue or some shit, I'm going to punch you," Jared ground out as he rubbed his hard cock against Jensen's thigh, streaking precome across his skin. Jensen bit down on his lip and nodded, reaching out to grab Jared's head and pull him up so he could bite and lick at his mouth.

Jared reached out blindly as he returned Jensen's assault on his mouth, fumbling with the drawer of his bedside table. He rustled around in it until he grunted into Jensen's mouth in triumph and pulled out a bottle of lube and some condoms that he dropped on the bed by their bodies. Jensen pulled back and glanced over at them, grinning and raising an eyebrow at Jared.

"Got big plans, have you?" Jensen asked, pointing at the five or six condoms Jared grabbed. Jensen expected Jared to give him a sheepish shrug and aww shucks grin, but instead Jared smiled down at him slyly and ran one large hand down Jensen's flank.

"You have no idea," Jared said in a low, rumbly voice that sent a thrill down Jensen's body to his toes. "I've been doing research, of sorts. Trying to figure out exactly how this goes and now that I think I have the theory down, it's time to put it into practice."

"Points for initiative," Jensen said with a grin. He leaned in and caught Jared's lips again, kissing him softly this time. He ran his hands up and down Jared's arms, then down to his hips, guiding him on how to lie down on the bed. Jared settled onto his back and handed Jensen the lube with a little hesitancy but his eyes were trusting. Jensen shook himself of any doubts because if Jared didn't have any he sure as hell shouldn't, and he coated two fingers with the gel quickly. He leaned down to kiss Jared, understanding why he wanted to do it this way instead of on his hands and knees, and let one finger circle lazily around Jared's cock and balls before trailing down to his hole. He could feel Jared trying to force himself to relax and whispered against his lips.

"Don't force it, okay? We're taking this slow and easy," Jensen said as he let his other hand slip down between them awkwardly to pull at Jared's cock. Jared took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, arching up into Jensen's hand as he stroked Jared slowly. His finger continued to circle Jared's opening slow and careful, with all the time in the world. Finally he started to press in with one finger gently, nipping at Jared's lips softly and listening to Jared's breath hitch in his lungs. Jared let his mouth drop open as Jensen pressed in and out shallowly, getting Jared used to the sensation. Once Jared started to push up against his finger Jensen pulled back and pushed two in, listening to Jared grunt at the extra stretch. Another finger followed soon after and Jensen could tell Jared was getting used to the burn, relaxing around his fingers as best he could.

"I don't want to hurt you so tell me if it's too much," Jensen said softly, running his other hand up and down Jared's abdomen and chest. Jared shifted under him, squeezing around his fingers and arching up with a slight wince.

"It'll be okay," he replied breathily. "Just... keep moving slow and try to find-" Jared's eyes widened as Jensen crooked his fingers a little and thrust in and out. Jensen grinned as Jared's mouth fell open. "Yeah, that."

He reached over on the bed, careful not to move too much, grabbed a condom and ripped it open for Jensen. Jensen got the hint and pulled his fingers out slowly, stifling a groan at the way Jared clenched around his hand. Jared rolled the condom on Jensen's cock easily and lubed him slowly, tugging and pulling at his cock until Jensen was biting back a groan and edging away with a warning look. Jared grinned up at him innocently and spread his legs wider, wrapping his hands around his knees to pull them up further. Jensen swallowed a groan and fought to keep his eyes from rolling back in his head at the sight and positioned himself between Jared's legs.

"Tell me if-," Jensen told Jared gruffly.

"Jensen, just- now," Jared blurted out, his voice thick with want and on the verge of cracking and crumbling. Jensen pressed forward, holding his cock, and pushed against Jared. There was resistance at first but Jared kept urging him on through gritted teeth as he tried to relax. Jensen reached down and started stroking Jared's cock that was only half-hard now and went slow, sinking into Jared easier now that he was past the initial resistance. He pulled out a little and pushed back in further as Jared let out a soft moan. Jensen froze but kept going once Jared shot him a dirty look.

"You okay?" Jensen's voice was strained as he tried to stay slow and even.

"Fine," Jared panted back. "Keep going."

Jensen set a slow, shallow rhythm until Jared started arching up to meet his thrusts carefully, moving his body to find the best angle until Jensen's thrust and his arch met at the right point and Jared felt a white-hot flash go through him and let out a loud gasping, "Oh, Jesus fuck!" Jensen stopped moving immediately at Jared's outburst, worried he hurt him.

"Move!" Jared hissed. "Do that again!"

"Which?" Jensen questioned, resuming his movement while Jared arched up even more. He gasped again as Jensen grazed that spot again and reached out to grab Jensen's hand, holding tight. He stared up at Jensen with determined eyes and arched up into every stroke. Their bodies were slick and slid against each other, hands on chest and arms, sweat dripping and harsh panting. Jared started jerking his own cock as his moans grew louder and Jensen covered his hand with his own, countering the strokes to his own thrusts.

Jensen could hear Jared babbling under him, quiet, breathy nonsense that he couldn't make out but it was driving him crazy. He sped up his thrusts, digging his feet into the bed to get better traction as Jared fucked himself down on Jensen's cock hard. He worried about how sore Jared was going to be when this was over but at the moment he was urging Jensen on with his eyes, his hands and soundless words that fell from his mouth. Jared let one hand fall between them and he reached between them to feel where Jensen's cock was disappearing into his own body. His eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open, letting out a gasping, "Holy fuck" and that's all it took for Jensen to fall apart, jerking erratically into Jared as he came. Jared held him in, quietly, as Jensen blew to pieces and recollected himself, collapsing on Jared's hard body. He eased himself up enough to continue jerking Jared's cock and kissed him hard, biting at his lips and gasping into his mouth, "Come on, Jared. Fucking come."

After, Jared took a chill from the air conditioner blowing cool air over their still-sweaty bodies and groped for the sheet that fell to the floor during their activities while Jensen remained sprawled across his chest. He threw the sheet over their bodies and shifted a little to pull Jensen closer, marvelling at the easy way their bodies fit together- chest to chest, hip to hip, legs sprawled across legs.

~~~~

Jared didn't see Jensen all morning which worried him a little but he put on a bright smile and went to work as if nothing at all like hot, exploratory sex had happened the night before with the film's star . Jensen had kissed him softly before he left Jared's apartment, needing to get back to the hotel for a few hours of sleep before Lynne would come knock on his door to rouse him for his appointment with his personal trainer. He said that if he stayed there with Jared neither of them would be getting any sleep at all and left with a last searing look at Jared. Jared could feel his cock inexplicably stir again under the thin sheet from Jensen's look alone and damn if he hadn't groaned out something about not getting hard for a week after their last time.

It wasn't that Jared didn't trust Jensen, because he did, but after last night he was feeling a little insecure. The constant gossip on set about this actor or actress who was cheating on their spouse or that person who didn't know they were being double-timed or even the whispers he heard about Jensen when no one thought he was around- it all played on his tiny, niggling fears that he'd done something stupid last night and Jensen was avoiding him now. At times he looked around warily, feeling as if all eyes were on him through the whole morning even though no one on set had a single clue what had happened last night. He felt like they could tell just by the way he was walking which, admittedly, was a little gingerly.

The director had kept him running around all morning finding this paper and sending that message to so-and-so. He'd barely been on set all day but that was fine by him because he wasn't sure how he was going to feel about seeing Jensen in the harsh light of day. Or, more importantly, how Jensen was going to react to seeing him. When lunch finally came it was a surprise to Jared because he had been running almost non-stop since dawn. He was thinking about going off set for lunch when one of the other PAs stopped him on the way to the parking lot.

"Hey Jared? Jensen is looking for you," she said in passing as she rushed off, hand to her ear while she listened to instructions over her headset.

"Huh." Jared jingled his keys in his pocket and considered splitting anyway but turned around and headed back to Jensen's trailer. When he got there Jensen was talking loudly into his cell and pacing the short length of his sitting area. Jared snuck in while his back was turned and took a seat on the couch as Jensen rubbed his eyes tiredly. When he turned around and caught sight of Jared he looked visibly relieved.

"I don't care, just make it happen, alright? I'm not talking to myself over here. Call me back," Jensen said and snapped his phone shut before the person on the other end could reply. He tossed his phone on the table behind him and sank down on the couch quickly, straddling Jared. Jared looked up at him, surprised, and cautiously laid his hands on Jensen's hips.

"Don't get shy on me now," Jensen breathed as he leaned in and kissed Jared hard, his tongue working its way into Jared's mouth. Jared tightened his hands around Jensen and groaned into the kiss, pulling him down closer. Jensen ground down on him and laced his fingers through Jared's hair tightly. Jared stroked his thumbs up under Jensen's shirt so he could touch his skin and work them under the waistband of his jeans. Jensen moaned into his mouth as Jared skated over the sensitive part of his abdomen and it tickled.

"Wanted to see you all morning," Jensen murmured, pulling away to bury his face in Jared's neck. "But maybe it was a good thing you weren't around because I would've wanted to do this as soon as I saw you."

"I promise I wouldn't've minded," Jared said with a chuckle and grabbed the hem of Jensen's shirt to pull it up over his head. Jensen stretched his arms up and helped to pull the shirt off, dropping it on the floor behind them. He ground against Jared's cock, growling softly in the back of his throat at the hardness pressed against him and Jared's answering thrust upwards.

"How long do we have?" Jared asked against Jensen's throat, kissing but not using his teeth so makeup wouldn't ask questions.

"Long enough," Jensen replied with a grin. He climbed off Jared's lap and pulled him up quickly, kissing him as he walked them backwards to the small bunk he had at the back of the trailer. It wasn't much but it was big enough for both of them, perks of being the leading name in the movie, and he reached over to pull the blinds shut. Jared shucked his clothes off quickly and made fast work of Jensen's as well as he was sprawled out on the bed, tossing his shoes behind him and then tugging the jeans down his long legs. Jared covered his body with his own once they were both naked and gasped when Jensen reached down to palm both their cocks in his hand.

"Do you have-"

"In my pants pocket," Jensen replied before Jared was finished speaking. Jared flashed him a wicked, knowing grin and rolled his eyes as he eased off Jensen and reached down to grab the pants. In one of the pockets he found a small packet of lube and a condom. Jensen grabbed the lube and ripped it open, spreading it on his fingers. Jared moved to roll over, internally wincing at the slight pull he felt from his own ass but his cock was throbbing against his belly now and he really wanted to do this.

He didn't get a chance to roll over, though, because Jensen reached between his own legs and pushed two fingers in, biting down on his bottom lip and throwing his head back. Jared felt his mouth drop open and his breathing grew shallow as he watched Jensen's fingers thrust in and out of himself, his legs pulled up so they both could could see. He realized what this meant and his cock pulsed insistently against his belly.

"Jensen," Jared breathed, watching with rapt attention. Jensen grinned at him and added a third finger, too soon, hissing at the added burn and stretch. Jared laid a hand on his arm and made him slow down, pace himself. "Let me watch you." Jensen slowed down and moved his hand with more ease, letting Jared keep his hand on his arm.

Jared bit back a whimper when Jensen finally pulled his fingers out and Jensen's ass clenched and winked at him. His mouth fell open and his breathing grew shallow as he watched the hole close back up. Jensen grabbed the condom and ripped it open, sitting up so he could smooth it down Jared's length. Jared blinked and looked down as if he was suddenly surprised at what was happening.

"You doin' all right in there?" Jensen asked, teasing lightly, breathlessly. Jared nodded and followed Jensen as he lay back on the bed, pulling Jared over him. Jared settled between his legs and grabbed a pillow to lift Jensen's hips up with.

"This okay?" Jared asked huskily, making small circles with his fingertips on the insides of Jensen's thighs. Jensen nodded and grabbed his upper ams, urging him forward. Jared got the hint and pushed toward him, gasping when he felt his cock breach Jensen, pushing through the initial resistance. Jensen took the lead even though Jared was the one in control, pushing and pulling at him when Jensen wanted him to move, directing him on how fast to go, what angles to try until Jensen gasped and ground out curse words that made Jared grin widely at him.

Jared could feel his thrusts faltering already, after only a few minutes. He'd never felt anything like this before, so hot and fucking tight around him, squeezing in all the right ways that Jared was sure Jensen was doing on purpose. Jensen was arching up against him, lifting his hips to meet Jared's, gasping and grinding out his name in a low, breathy grunt that just made Jared's cock throb harder inside him.

Jared wrapped one hand around Jensen's cock because Jensen's were busy pushing and pulling at him to move in certain ways, and he tugged in opposite strokes to their rhythm. Jared could feel Jensen squeezing tighter around him, moving faster and his breathing started coming out in pants and grunts, trying to keep the moans low because even though the trailer was nice, it wasn't soundproof. Jared leaned forward, trapping their hands between them and bit and sucked his way up Jensen's chest to his neck and finally his mouth. He whispered sweet, silent things against Jensen's lips that he could only imagine because he couldn't hear anything over their combined harsh breathing.

Finally Jared stuttered out something, an 'I'm coming' and Jensen grabbed at his hips, pulling him in close. Jared jerked and shuddered on top of Jensen, coming apart in his arms but was still aware enough to keep stroking Jensen's cock until the feeling of Jared falling apart over, on, around him was too much for him to handle and he followed, biting down on Jared's neck hard enough to leave a mark.

Jensen jerked under Jared for a few minutes as he came down and Jared was content to slump against him and feel him move under him until finally Jensen shoved lightly at his shoulders and grumbled something out about Jared being a damn-near giant. Jared separated himself from Jensen gingerly, rolling the condom off with a grimace, and buried his head in the plush pillows on Jensen's bed.

They were still catching their breath when a knock came at the trailer door and Lynne announced herself. Jensen cursed under his breath and got up gingerly, passing clothes to Jared quickly. Jared tugged on his underwear and pants as the knock became more insistent and Lynne started to rattle the doorknob.

"Just a second!" Jensen called out, pulling his shirt over his head. He grabbed Jared's shirt and tugged him toward the small bathroom as he hopped on one foot, trying to put his socks on. "Finish getting dressed in here, okay? Come out when you're done, it's cool."

Jared tried to ask something, to say anything at all, but Jensen covered his mouth quickly with a hard kiss and then shoved him into the tiny cubicle and closed the door on him. Jared grumbled to himself as he pulled his socks and shoes on and tried to smooth out the wrinkles in his t-shirt once it was on his body. He looked in the mirror and saw his cheeks were flushed and his hair was sticking up in every direction so he tried to get himself under control before he stepped back out into the main part of the trailer. Lynne looked up, surprised to see him.

"Jared, I didn't know you were there."

"Yeah, I stopped by for my break," he said easily, watching Jensen out of the corner of his eye as he sank down on the couch, wincing a little. He bit back a small smile and regarded Lynne steadily.

"Are you all right, Jared? You look a little flushed. You're not coming down with anything, are you?" Lynne narrowed her eyes suspiciously, looking out for her client's wellbeing and health. Jared snorted and took a deep breath to try and calm his still-shot nerves.

"Nah, just had a hectic morning. They've really been laying the whip to me around here," Jared said innocently before looking over at Jensen, wide-eyed and calm. Jensen swallowed and shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Lynne rolled her eyes at them both but didn't say anything as she turned around and left the trailer, talking to herself under her breath. Jared watched her go with a faint smile and Jensen just buried his face in his hands tiredly.

"You think she-"

"Probably. But she's cool. Of all the people who could know about this, she's one of the few who actually doesn't care," Jensen cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"I'm sure there's more than a few that don't care you're gay," Jared said. Jensen shrugged and stood up slowly.

"Don't know, never found out."

"Have you ever though-"

"Jared," Jensen cut him off as he moved in close to Jared and wrapped his arms around his waist. Jared grinned down at him and kissed him softly, cupping Jensen face with his hands.

"So, I was on my way to have dinner before I came here. You hungry?" Jared asked. Jensen flashed him a devious grin and winked.

"You have no idea."

Jared groaned at the thinly veiled innuendo and laughed at him. "You're so lame, dude."

"Hey, anyone else and they'd be all over me with that line," Jensen shot back, pointing a finger back at him. Jared grabbed it and pulled Jensen close, growling in his ear.

"Good thing I'm not just anyone else then, isn't it?" He dropped Jensen's hand and turned him around, smacking him in the ass, earning him an undignified exclamation from Jensen who shot him a dirty look.

"You're gonna pay for that, man," Jensen warned but grabbed his wallet from the counter all the same and led Jared out of the trailer, stopping every so often to send him a secret grin and wink as they walked to the craft services tent.

~~~~

Summer in Texas was hot, sticky and sweaty and even though Jared loved being outside, playing basketball and running around with the dogs when he could, he generally hated feeling the oppressive heat all over his body. Working the long days he did on set generally meant a shower before going to bed and another when he woke up, just to feel semi-human. There were a few times he didn't mind it so much, however.

"Hey, Jen?" Jared asked in a low tone, running his hands lightly over Jensen's chest as they lay in bed, still trying to catch their breath. The air conditioner kicked in then and a cool breeze washed over their sweat-slick bodies, chilling them. Jensen rolled over to face Jared and looked at him sleepily.

"Mmm?"

"Where's your favourite place to travel to? Which country?" Jared asked curiously.

Jensen considered the question as his fingers stroked across Jared's back. "I liked Greece. But there's something to be said about England, too. Why?"

Jared shrugged. "Just curious, I guess. I've never been more than a couple states away."

"Maybe you should take a trip. Wherever you want to go," Jensen suggested. "Or, hey. If things work out when we start doing promotion for the movie in Europe maybe I could get Darren to bring you along or something. Or you could come with me, whatever."

Jared avoided Jensen's eyes at his attempt to casually ask him to go to Europe with him and hummed at the idea. "There's a possibility. When does promotion start?"

"Depends when the studio wants to release the movie and when editing gets done. I think they're aiming for a holiday release, so November and December. I don't know how much overseas promotion they're planning on doing yet. I'll have to plan my next role around it, though." Jensen sighed. "I hate having to take a week off in the middle of filming one thing to go finish work on another. So inconvenient."

"Do you know what your next role is yet?" Jared asked curiously.

"No, not yet. I've got a stack of scripts in my trailer waiting for me to look at them. Lynne's been trying to go through those, and there's some independent stuff I wanted to do and a couple other big movies, but I haven't made any firm plans yet. I have to get started on it, though. Filming will be over here by the end of the month."

"And then?" Jensen looked at Jared, who was trying not to look too worried and freaked out at the thought of what was going to happen once filming wrapped.

"Don't really know," he replied slowly.

"Oh." Jared rolled onto his back at and stared up at the ceiling, trying not to show disappointment. Jensen looked at him for a second before rolling to his side and touching Jared lightly on the chest.

"You knew I was going back to L.A. when this is all over, right? That's my home."

"Yeah, I know. I always knew that."

"Are you mad at me, then?"

"What? No! I guess things are just moving faster than I thought they would. The end of the movie is coming right up, summer's going to be over soon- it's all happening really fast."

"That's life." Jensen shrugged. "But all that's still some time away. Let's not worry about it now, okay?"

Jared turned his head to look at Jensen and gave him a small smile that grew bigger as Jensen pushed his body closer and leaned in to kiss Jared, slow and deep. Jared let Jensen kiss him for a few minutes before pushing him back and rolling over on top of him, taking charge. Jensen clearly wasn't expecting this and his eyes flashed with surprise and arousal as Jared worked his way down Jensen's body, putting all his effort into this and pushing everything else beyond Jensen, his body and this room out of his mind.

~~~~

A few days later Jared was up just after the crack of dawn, stifling a yawn as Darren gave out some instructions and assignments for the day to all the PAs. Jensen stayed late the night before so Jared hadn't gotten as much sleep as he usually did. No matter what he did to try and convince Jensen to stay the night so they could get more sleep and start their days together Jensen refused, saying it would raise too many eyebrows if he wasn't at his hotel first thing in the morning or if they showed up to work together. Jared just smiled and nodded his understanding, biting back a million and a half different counter-arguments because he didn't want to rock the boat between them or push Jensen.

"Jared, before you go can I have a word in private?" Darren asked before dismissing the rest of the PAs. Jared snapped back to attention suddenly, hoping he didn't miss anything important while lost in his thoughts and stayed behind while the others scattered to start their tasks for the day.

"What's up?"

"I was wondering what you're planning on doing when the film wraps?" Darren asked, not one to beat around the bush. Jared blew out a breath and thought for a second, then shrugged, forcing the memory of his conversation with Jensen earlier in the week out of his mind.

"I'm not really sure. I've really liked working here, with you, and everyone else. If I thought I could get work like this again I would probably go for it but I'll likely end up back at the bar. Maybe school, though. I'm kind of lost right now," Jared laughed lightly.

"Want to come work for me?" Darren asked with a grin. Jared blinked.

"Come again?"

"I've got projects lined up that, if they work out with scheduling, the script and the contracts for the actors, will keep me working steadily for the next two years. I need someone with me who can help me out with everything I'm going to be facing once I get back to Los Angeles."

"So you want me to..."

"I like the way you work, Jared. You're fast, efficient and you handle yourself well in just about any situation. I'd like you to come with me and work with me in the position you are now, but taking on more duties personally assigned by me. I have an assistant there but now even she's finding herself needing an assistant and I think you'd work out well."

Jared's mouth dropped open and he stuttered, unsure of what to say. He could barely wrap his mind around the idea and immediately started thinking about everything that would change, the thought of leaving his family and his friends, the dogs, uprooting his life, going to work in Hollywood, of all places and Jensen.

"There's no need for an answer right this second," Darren assured him, seeing Jared struggle with a response. "I wanted to put it out there on the table for you so you know there's an opportunity for you when we're done here. I think you'd work out great with me and I really appreciate everything you've done for me so far. You get along well with everyone on set, you're kind and friendly, helpful and you get the work done quickly and, more importantly, properly. I wanted you to know how much I'd really like for you to come back with me and work for me full time, so think it over, talk it out with whoever you need to and I won't mention another word of this to you until we're almost done filming. How about that?"

Jared nodded dumbly and watched Darren walk off to set quickly. This was pretty much huge. His initial instinct was to say yes and then to run off to tell Jensen the great news, but something held him back. It was foolish to think he could make a decision of this magnitude in a split second, especially with so much other stuff to consider, like the schools he'd talked to Sandy about. He wanted to think it over for himself and then bring it up with his parents and maybe Sandy, too. Most importantly Jensen needed to be considered, but for some reason the thought of talking with Jensen about something this life-altering seemed like a weight far too much for him to carry at the moment.

~~~~

"You seem quiet."

Jared blinked and looked up at Jensen slowly. "Oh. No, I'm just thinking."

"About what?" They were sprawled out on the couch in Jensen's trailer, still relaxed and rubbery from quick lunchtime mutual handjobs. Jared had his arms wrapped around Jensen who was lying on top of him.

"Just... something Darren asked me this morning."

"Nothing bad, I hope?" Jensen asked.

"No, it's good, actually. I just- I'm not sure what to think."

"What is it, then?"

Jared struggled with his thoughts for a moment and then said, "He wants me to-"

"Jensen?" There was a knock at the door and someone called out his name hesitantly. Jensen climbed off Jared hurriedly and gestured to his pants and shirt for a quick nod of approval that nothing was sticking out or stained before he answered the door. Jared sat up on the couch slowly, still rather lethargic.

"A courier dropped your ticket and itinerary off for you. Your flight leaves at six this afternoon so you have to be there at five," whoever was at the door explained to Jensen. Jared frowned and watched Jensen curiously as he accepted the package and closed the door behind him.

"You're going somewhere?" Jared asked, confused.

"Yeah, there's a film premiere this weekend that I was invited to. I wasn't going to go at first, but the studio thought it would be good publicity for the movie since it's going to be finished filming soon, and I'd get some exposure because I've been out here for the past couple months."

"Oh. I guess I'll cancel the plans I made for dinner for us. Would have been nice to know about this sooner, though," Jared said, sounding disappointed as he stood up and straightened his clothes. Jensen dropped his package on the small table and wrapped his arms around Jared's waist.

"Hey, I'll make it up to you, hmm? Next week we'll have a private dinner for two, catered by the best restaurant in town, I swear. And isn't Dave having a thing at his place on Saturday night, anyway? You can go hang out there, instead. Much more fun than a boring dinner with me," Jensen told him, kissing Jared on the chin.

"Sure," Jared nodded quickly and stepped back, unwrapping Jensen's arms from around him. He kissed Jensen and patted his pockets to make sure he had his stuff. "I have to get back to set. Will I see you before you leave?"

"Probably not," Jensen murmured, watching as Jared avoided looking him in the eye. "But I'll call you from L.A. and when I get back, okay?"

Jared nodded and leaned down to kiss Jensen again, tongues tangling together briefly before they mutually stepped back. "See you later, then. Have a good trip." Jensen nodded as Jared left his trailer and went back to work. He watched Jared walk away across the parking lot, hands shoved deep into his pockets, and felt guilty for leaving him so suddenly. But then Lynne stepped through his door and Jensen pushed those thoughts away, focusing on hiw plans, his work, his job- the things that really mattered.

~~~~

For the first time since nearly the start of the summer Jared spent the night with the guys and only the guys. He liked having Jensen with him when he was visiting his friends, because he wanted everyone to get along with each other, but he didn't realize how much he missed hanging out with only the guys until Jensen suddenly wasn't there anymore. They drank and kicked back after Jared finished a short shift at the bar and watched the game together. He couldn't help but wonder what Jensen was doing throughout the night, though. If he was going for dinner as Jared ate half a sub during his shift at work. If he was getting ready for the premiere as Jared changed his clothes before leaving for Landon's. If, if, if. Even the guys noticed his distracted state and called him on it, throwing popcorn and chips at him. Jared laughed it off, called them all douchebags and got his head back into things by chugging back a beer.

He didn't remember coming home by cab very clearly but he felt like his head just hit the pillow when he was roused only a few hours later by a knock at the door. He stumbled out of bed in his t-shirt and boxers and cursed as he stubbed his toe on the wall on his way to the front hall. Sandy was on his doorstep, pushing her way past him quickly.

"Have you seen these?" Sandy asked, holding up some printed computer pages.

"I don't think I can even see my own nose right now," Jared mumbled as he walked into the kitchen to see if he had any coffee to offer her. Sandy put the papers down on the counter in front of him and pointed at something until he looked down at it. He blinked the sleep-film away, trying to focus on the pages that were printed from a tabloid magazine website, and felt his head throb as he recognized what Sandy was pointing at.

"Hot Hollywood heartthrob- I'm sure he'll love being called that- Jensen Ackles showed up to the premiere of 'The Last Full Moon' with model Amber Tedyesky. Sources close to the star say he's smitten with the leggy red-head. Calls to Ackles' representatives were not returned by press time but friends of the model report that the two have become very close recently, although they've been separated while he's been shooting his new movie in Texas. Witnesses at the premiere after-party say the two held hands and remained close the whole night, leaving together around two in the morning." Jared re-read the short passage and tried to understand what it was saying. He knew what it said, but he figured there had to be something he was missing because it was making them out to sound like they were together.

"Well?" Sandy asked nervously, watching him process the information.

"There has to be a mistake. Most of this stuff is made up anyway. I know he was at the premiere and sure, he probably did hang out with this girl. But all of those 'sources' and 'friends' these places cite are always bullshit," Jared explained with a wave of his hand. He closed the paper and shoved it away, turning to rummage through his cupboards for a canister of instant coffee he knew he had somewhere.

"Are you sure?" Sandy asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I went on the computer when I saw this, looked up a couple other sites and newspapers. This story or variations of it have been running in a few papers around the country, Jared. Are you sure he's gay?"

Jared laughed out loud, running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. "Yes. Very sure."

Sandy got red and giggled before turning serious again. "Okay, but - Jared... one of the sites said they had pictures. You can't very well say something and then promise to back it up with evidence if it's not true, right?"

"Blurry, grainy paparazzi shots, right?"

"Some of them," Sandy replied hesitantly.

"Some?"

"Others were... less blurry and grainy."

Jared stopped what he was doing and turned to her. "Show me."

Ten minutes later they were sitting at Jared's computer staring at candid phots of Jensen with Amber on a gossip blog. Jared knew it was all fake, could see Jensen's plastered on "Hollywood" smile and could tell by his body language that he wasn't into her but he still had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"What does this mean?" Sandy asked, seeing the look on Jared's face.

He shrugged. "Nothing. It's just a PR stunt."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Of course. He is gay."

"You seem pretty convinced of that. But is he?" Sandy asked, pointing to the photos again. Jared didn't reply because honestly, he wasn't sure what to tell her.

~~~~

"Hey." Jensen greeted Jared with a smile when Jared opened the door Monday evening. Jensen was carrying a take-out bag and had a bottle of wine under one arm, obviously planning for a night in. Jared stepped aside and let Jensen in, following him to the kitchen.

"How was your day? I know Darren had you busy so I didn't get to see you and ask you how your weekend was."

"How was yours?" Jared ignored his question and watched Jensen unpack the bag, setting the food containers on the counter.

Jensen shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Quiet. Had more stupid interviews all weekend."

"Except for when you went to that movie premiere, right?" Jared asked. Jensen looked up, mildly surprised.

"Yeah, I went to that. Bad movie, by the way. Don't go to see it."

"I'll keep that in mind," Jared murmured. He opened the cutlery drawer and pulled out a couple forks and knives for them, handing Jensen a set. He accepted them with a smile and started opening containers, shoving them in the middle so they could both eat out of them. Jensen seemed to enjoy this type of dining, standing up at the kitchen counter, side by side with Jared while they shared details of their day.

"So you had a good weekend? What did you do?" Jensen asked.

"Not much. Worked, hung out with the guys, went to see my folks, played with Sadie and Harley. Sandy came over yesterday morning."

"Yeah? How's she doing?"

"Fine. She actually came over to show me something about you." Jared looked over and watched Jensen's eyebrows raise in question. Jared put his fork down and went to the living room to the printouts he made the night before and the oners that came from Sandy. He put them down in front of Jensen and waited for a reaction. Jensen skimmed through the documents and made an interested 'huh' sound before he continued to eat.

"You don't have anything to say?" Jared asked. Jensen thought for a second and shrugged.

"Like what?"

"These articles are saying you and this model are dating. That you spent the night whispering and kissing."

Jensen chewed hard and swallowed, watching Jared. "We did."

Jared blinked. "What?"

"We did, Jared. Did you think I was going to go to this thing alone?"

"Maybe? Is that wrong?"

"When you don't show up at a few of these things with people the gossips start talking about you."

"Like they aren't now?" Jared asked, gesturing to the papers.

"They gossip and speculate about your sexuality," Jensen clarified.

"Oh, well then. That makes it all better." Jared rolled his eyes. Jensen put his own fork down and straightened, staring at Jared cautiously.

"Are you angry?"

"Were you making out with her at this party?" Jared shot back.

"Not making out, no. Planting a few ideas, yes."

"But why?"

"Jared, you know why." Jensen shook his head. "It's what I have to do."

"What you have to or just what you do?"

"It's what I have to do to make sure my career isn't threatened."

"So you basically... whore yourself out to people to make it seem like you're straight?" Jared asked. As soon as the words crossed his lips he regretted saying them and flushed. "I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did," Jensen returned quietly. "Jared, I explained to you my position on my career and revealing my sexuality. That's not up for debate and you can't do anything about that."

"I can be angry that you don't give a shit about us or that I thought we were together."

"And part of being together is understanding what I do for my job. And we are together, Jared. We're together all the time. We're together now. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I've been living my life this way longer than I've known you."

"Well, that just says it all, doesn't it?" Jared drawled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It ain't that hard to figure out, Jensen," Jared said tightly. "Either this is going to work or it's not. I want it to but if you're not-"

"Not what, Jared? Not trying as hard as you?" Jensen spit back.

"Yes. You haven't been, Jensen, not at all. We hang out and we laugh and we fuck and yeah, it's great. But then you go and show up places with people who have no right being there and acting like nothing has changed!"

"Because it hasn't."

"Maybe for you! But back here, back where things are real-"

"Jared," Jensen laughed bitterly. "This isn't real. That's my life out there! That's my life and career and everything I've worked for over the years. I have to do that stuff-"

"Fuck you, Jensen! Fuck you and your stupid ideas of what you have to do! People don't know half of how talented you are, because if they could see you smiling and bullshitting to their faces while you were absolutely miserable when they don't look-"

"I'm not miserable, Jared! You're just-"

"I'm being up front about it, Jensen! Do you know Sandy knows about me? I told her and she was cool with it! I'm getting ready to tell my other friends and my family! I'm coming out of the closet, I'm facing up to a hell of a lot more things than you seem to ever have and you can't tell me that you're happy! You might not be miserable but you're sure as fuck not happy."

"Don't flatter yourself into thinking you've done me any great favors, Jared," Jensen said lowly. "As far as I knew everything was cool with us until now- until you saw me out there with Amber at the premiere. Besides, if you're so committed to this and ready to put everything into it then why didn't you tell me about Darren's offer?"

Jared pressed his lips into a line, resting his hands on his hips. Darren must have mentioned it to him at some point. "I wasn't sure-"

"That you were that ready to commit? Or were you just too scared to do anything with your life, as usual?"

"Fuck you," Jared said quietly. His eyes flashed and he stilled, staring Jensen down. "At least I'm trying to figure things out, Jensen. Unlike you. Clearly you don't care about what happens once filming is over."

Jensen took a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself- or work up to something. "What makes you think I wasn't already thinking about after the movie? I just bought a big house, Jared. I was hoping- I was thinking, anyway, of asking you... I mean, if you wanted... to come out with me and stay with me."

"As what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why would I do there? What would I do there, Jensen? What would you tell people who asked who I was? A friend from Texas? Your assistant? Or your boyfriend?" Jared asked quickly, throwing the words at him like hand grenades that made Jensen flinch. "I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not, even for you. Especially for you. You can't expect me to tag along with you back to your 'real life' and sneak into your bed every night because you're too chicken shit to put it all out there."

"It's not as easy for me as it is for you," Jensen tried to argue.

"What's easy about this for me? I risking losing my friends and family because I can't deny who I am, Jen. I know my family will love me no matter what but that doesn't mean they have to accept me and my choices. And my friends," he laughed darkly. "What you said about your school? When you told me you realized you were gay and couldn't come out then? Yeah, it's no different here, Jensen. We live in Texas and I'm well aware of that. It might have seemed easy for me but I know a couple of my friends are going to be on the fence of what to think about me now and I might burn a few bridges because of it. It would be hard for you, sure. You could lose a few jobs, you might have to work harder to get roles. But at least you'd be able to be yourself, Jen. And I ... I wouldn't feel like I was a dirty secret to you."

"You're not," Jensen tried to say but Jared shook his head.

"Then stop treating me like one," he replied simply.

"I don't know what else to tell you, Jared. There isn't anything else I can tell you."

"You could say fuck it to everything you think you have to be and just be yourself, Jensen. Stand up for yourself and say you want to be with me and just do it."

Jensen looked down for a moment, composing his thoughts. When he looked back up he had an odd glint in his eye. Jared watched him step up to him and lay his hands on Jared's chest, pushing him backwards until he sank into the kitchen chair behind him. Jared was tired of fighting and weary from overthinking their situation over the weekend. Jensen straddled his lap and sank down on him with a hesitant look in his eyes that was fronted by a knowing smirk.

"Jen..." Jared said softly before Jensen covered his lips with his own, silencing him.

"Mmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Standing up for myself and doing it," Jensen whispered back with a wicked grin. Jared wanted to say that wasn't what he meant and Jensen knew it but he really was tired. He was tired of hiding and having to think about Jensen's reputation before he did anything now. But with Jensen in his lap, rocking against his hardening cock and biting his way down Jared's neck while his hands worked on flipping the buttons on his shirt open, he had a hard time concentrating on anything else.

He cupped Jensen's head with his hands and tilted his mouth back to him, kissing him hard. Jensen pushed his shirt down his arms so Jared had to let go of him to shrug it off while Jensen turned to the button on Jared's jeans, flipping it open quickly. Jared grasped the bottom of Jensen's t-shirt and tugged it up over Jensen's head, then leaned in and bit down on one of his nipples sharply, loving the loud gasp that tumbled from Jensen's lips. Jensen held Jared's head to his chest as he peppered kisses all over his skin and bent Jensen backwards so he had to clutch at Jared's shoulders to not tumble off his lap.

"Bedroom," Jensen mumbled and twisted off Jared's lap awkwardly, grabbing his hand to tug him down the hall. Along the way Jared helped Jensen out of his jeans, unbuttoning them from behind as he trailed Jensen, and kicked his own off outside his bedroom door while Jensen sprawled out on Jared's bed and tossed his boxer briefs on the floor. Jared stood in the doorway and watched as Jensen stroked his cock while licking his lips and eyeing Jared, beckoning him over with his eyes.

Jared joined him shortly, after he grabbed a condom and lube from the bedside table, and sank down on the bed beside Jensen. He kneeled beside him and watched Jensen continue to jerk himself off, taking in the way Jensen's breathing sped up the harder he got. Jensen watched Jared watching him and Jared could feel himself growing to full hardness just from seeing Jensen touch his cock and rub at his nipples with his free hand. Jared grabbed the lube and slicked two fingers while Jensen kept up his ministrations.

"Keep going," Jared instructed gruffly when Jensen slowed his strokes. Jensen bit down on his lip as Jared let his hand fall between Jensen's legs, avoiding his cock, and circled a fingertip around his entrance. Jensen arched up as one of Jared's fingers pushed in gently and he let his legs fall open further so Jared could rearrange himself to sit between them. Jensen closed his eyes and moaned at the feeling of bringing himself off while Jared fingered him. Eventually he worked two, then three fingers into Jensen before he pulled out totally, dragging a long groan from Jensen. Jared watched Jensen open his eyes long enough to see Jared smooth the condom over his cock and slick it and then his eyes fell shut again to wait for Jared to push in. Jared was surprised at how scratchy and low his own voice was when he ordered Jensen to open his eyes and watch him.

Jensen did as he was told and Jared stared into his eyes, taking in every jerk and slight wince as he eased into Jensen, moving slow and steady. Jensen tightened his legs around Jared as soon as he was in as far as he could go and held him in for a few moments until he was ready for Jared to start moving. Jared wanted Jensen to watch him, to be able to see into his eyes as he could see into Jensen's so he could understand what he did to Jared. So he might actually change his mind and allow Jared into his life wholeheartedly.

Jensen jerked his cock with one hand and lifted the other to Jared's hair, trailing his fingers through it in coordination with Jared's strokes. He started gripping the locks as Jared sped up and Jensen's breathing grew more shallow. Jared commanded his attention, however, and Jensen's eyes never left his, never faltered or drifted close while he thrust. He reached between them and added his own hand to Jensen's on his cock, squeezing harder than Jensen was and flicking his thumb over the head so Jensen was spiralling out of control far faster than he would on his own. Jared slowed his thrusts and carried Jensen through his orgasm, and watched closely as he went through the aftershocks.

"Come on, Jared," Jensen whispered, winding his arms around Jared's neck and pulling him down to kiss him hard. "Come in me."

Jared groaned and thrust hard into Jensen, digging his fingertips so hard into Jensen's hip and arm that he was sure he would leave small bruises all over his body and didn't care, then collapsed on Jensen as his cock twitched and jerked in Jensen's ass. Jensen pushed at him gently until Jared slumped onto his side and pulled out. He tossed the condom into the garbage can by the bed and buried his face in Jensen's neck, sighing tiredly. Jensen ran his fingertips up and down Jared's arm that was wrapped around his waist and caught his own breath while Jared murmured things he couldn't quite make out into his ear and kissed his cheek softly.

It might have been five minutes, or an hour- Jared wasn't sure- but too soon Jensen was rolling out of bed and rummaging around for his pants. Jared sat up in bed and watched him, his heart sinking.

"Going somewhere?" he asked softly. Jensen looked behind him from his place on the edge of the bed and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

"Got dinner out there. We can nuke it and then maybe watch some TV or a movie or something before I have to get back to the hotel," Jensen explained.

"Or," Jared started. "We could bring the food in here and spend the night in bed. That would be fun too, wouldn't it?"

"It would," Jensen replied, nodding his head but avoiding Jared's eyes. "But you know I have to be back to the hotel for when Lynne stops by in the morning on the way to set."

"Yeah," Jared said softly, laying back in bed. Jensen leaned over and kissed him quickly on the lips, then slapped him gently on the leg.

"Come on, I'll nuke the food."

"Be right out," Jared told him as Jensen left the room. He could hear him clattering about in the kitchen but Jared made no attempt to move. If Jensen wasn't going to put any effort into it, why should he?

~~~~

"Toby!" Jensen called out as he entered the bar. He could see the guys starting to sit down around the table and snagged a chair for himself and signaled a waitress to bring him a beer. He cast a quick glance around the bar as the others greeted him and didn't see Jared anywhere. "Jared in the can or what?"

Landon looked at him oddly. "Jared's not coming tonight. Thought you'd know that."

"He's not coming? Is he sick?" Jensen asked, reaching for his phone to check if there was a text or voice mail from Jared but there was nothing.

Landon shook his head and shrugged. "Don't think so. He called Dave earlier and said he wouldn't be making it over tonight. We kind of thought you wouldn't come either, but you're here so it's all good!"

Jensen smiled and sipped at his beer when it came, but he couldn't help but feel a bit concerned that Jared wasn't there. He played poker with the guys for about an hour before claiming exhaustion and left far earlier than normal. On his way back to the hotel he went out of his usual route and went by Jared's apartment, pulling into the parking lot to see if Jared was home. His truck was gone and his lights were off in the complex. Jensen frowned and called him quickly, growing more concerned. Jared didn't answer so Jensen left a voice mail and told Jared to call him when he got it, no matter the time.

There was still no word from Jared by the next morning when Jensen was in makeup getting chided by the makeup girl about the big bags under his eyes. He smiled wanly and checked his phone again surreptitiously for any word from Jared. When he was done with hair and makeup he left for set, determined to talk to Darren. If the director hadn't heard from Jared this morning Jensen was going to call his parents or the cops, whichever would help him find Jared faster. In the back of his mind he knew he was overreacting, because for all he knew Jared was just busy and off doing things and it wasn't like they had any set arrangement that they had to check in with each other or- hell. They weren't even in a relationship, which is exactly what Jensen wanted.

None of that stopped him from calling out Jared's name louder than usual when he finally arrived on set and saw Jared standing by Darren, deep in conversation with him. Jensen hurried over to Jared, quicker than could be considered casual, and grabbed his arm. "Where were you last night?" He winced at how shrill that sounded and took a step back. "I just didn't know you weren't coming to poker."

"Oh, yeah," Jared said casually, ignoring the look Darren was giving the two of them. "I went to Sandy's last night."

"Did you forget your phone?" Jensen asked curiously.

"No." Jared shrugged. "I didn't get your message until this morning and I figured it wouldn't matter now."

"Oh," Jensen said faintly, feeling his jaw start to ache from clenching it so hard. "Nice to see you in one piece, then."

"Anyway," Jared said, turning back to Darren. "Is that everything for the morning? I can go start the stuff you wanted me to do and be back by lunch."

Darren nodded and watched Jared turn and walk off set quickly, writing something on the clipboard he was never without anymore. Jensen turned to Darren and tried to come off as casual.

"Is he okay?"

Darren shrugged. "Seems all right. Are you two okay?"

"Sure," Jensen lied. "Couldn't be better." The morning passed agonizingly slowly because they kept stopping for camera malfunctions and it made everyone on set jittery. Jensen didn't see Jared again for the rest of the day and it made him far more on edge than he liked to admit. He tried calling again once they were done for the day but Jared didn't answer again. Jensen was in bed, reading, at his hotel when his cell finally rang and he could barely hear Jared over the loud music.

"I'm working tonight. Got called in unexpectedly. I just got your message now."

"Oh," Jensen said stupidly. "Are you working tomorrow night, too."

"Maybe," Jared said vaguely. "I might have to cover for someone. I'll know more tomorrow. So I'll talk to you then?" Jensen murmured something that might have been a yes and listened to the click on the other end as Jared hung up. Jensen turned off his lamp and slid down in bed, telling himself that this was exactly what he wanted because he and Jared weren't official or anything. They couldn't be, after all.

Funny how sleep didn't come for him for more than two hours after he convinced himself to believe that.

~~~~

Jared could feel him the second he entered the bar. He saw the instant shift in the patrons as their eyes turned toward the door and watched carefully as Jensen crossed the room. He walked to the end of the counter that Jared was wiping down, away from the other customers seated at it who were avoiding watching as well. When Jensen sat down heavily on a stool and knocked on the bar right in front of Jared's hand he had no other choice than to look at him, holding back a sigh.

"Hey," Jared said easily, giving Jensen a small smile. "What can I get you?" Jensen frowned at him and wrinkled his forehead.

"How about a beer and a reason why you're avoiding me?" Jensen asked quietly. Jared's eyes widened a fraction before he forced a laugh.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Jared. You've barely talked to me this week. You're always running around doing things for Darren, you never stop by my trailer during your breaks and I had to call Landon to find out you were working tonight. What's up with you, man?"

Jared turned away to grab a beer for Jensen from the cooler, taking the extra second to uncap it while his back was still turned so he could calm himself. He passed Jensen his beer, careful not to let their hands touch, and picked up his dishcloth again, twisting it in his hands. "Not my fault I've been busy."

"Look," Jensen started, leaning in closer so he could keep his voice quiet. "I know I pissed you off, I'm not dumb. But are you going to let that silly argument cause problems between us?"

Jared fought the urge to let his mouth fall open and clenched his jaw. "I didn't think it was a silly argument, for one, and for another I have been busy this week." He swiped at the counter, then continued, muttering, "The world doesn't revolve around you, after all."

Jensen sat back, pressing his lips together. "If you want to talk about this, fine. But don't act like you're five years old, all right?"

"I'm not- I just. Fuck, Jensen. I don't know what you expect me to say here, okay? You tell me that you can't-" Jared looked around, catching the eyes of some of the patrons and cut himself off, leaning in closer so Jensen could hear him. "You can't expect me to accept your decisions and fall into line. I don't want to hide this stuff and I won't."

Jensen leaned back on his stool, watching Jared carefully as he glanced between Jensen's eyes and the bartop he was wiping at furiously. "Then I guess we have a problem."

Jared tossed his dishcloth aside. "Then I guess we do."

"You trying to tell me something, Jared?" Jensen asked. Jared swallowed hard and put his hands on the counter to steady himself, then looked Jensen straight in the eye.

"I can't be with someone who's too afraid to be himself," he said clearly, but low enough that no one around them heard. He didn't understand or respect Jensen's choice but it didn't mean he wanted to out him because of it.

"So this is over?" Jensen asked. Jared wanted to reach out and smack him for making this harder than it had to be. Obviously Jared was saying that.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "It's over."

Jensen nodded and pulled his wallet out. Jared tried to refuse but Jensen shoved a twenty across the bar as he stood up. "Keep the change."

Jared watched Jensen walk out of the bar without looking back. He drank Jensen's untouched beer, gulping it down, and shoved the twenty in the bartender's tip jar. He uncapped another beer and walked through the door to the kitchen, then back to the office where Jerry was doing some paperwork.

"Need help out there?" he asked as Jared came in and slumped down in the other ratty office chair.

"You have no idea," Jared said quietly and laid his head down on one arm on the desk. Jerry wasn't sure what to say or do but he patted Jared's arm hesitantly. Jared was grateful that he didn't know what to say and instead sat by himself for the rest of the night.

~~~~

"Hey, Padalecki," Darren greeted Jared first thing in the morning as Jared held out a latte for the director with one hand, his other holding his own coffee. Darren accepted his cup and looked at Jared's curiously.

"I've never seen you drink coffee before, Jared."

"Haven't been sleeping well and I need anything I can to keep me going right now. But I'm good to go," he assured Darren quickly, not wanting the director to get the idea that he couldn't do his job.

"Things going all right with you? Everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah." Jared waved him off dismissively. "Just not sleeping. Nothing major."

"Does it have anything to do with the way Jensen's 'not sleeping' lately? What happened between you two? And feel free to tell me it's none of my damn business because it's not. Even though the things that go on in people's personal lives can have a serious effect on my stars and thusly my movie and the money I get to promote it."

Jared frowned and stared at Darren until he started laughing at him. "Just shitting you man. Seriously, what's going on? I thought you two were great friends."

Jared shrugged. "It's nothing. We weren't that close to begin with."

"Bullshit, man. You two were damn-near inseparable. Which I found quite impressive, by the way, especially given how notoriously prickly Jensen is."

"Maybe we weren't as best buds as everyone thought," Jared replied. Darren raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "Nothing happened."

"Okay. If that's what you say happened- or didn't happen, rather- that's your thing." He cleared his throat and looked chagrined. "But if things get to be too awkward between you two and it starts affecting the shoot I'm going to have to decide what to do about it. I have to finish the film on time so I can't have Jensen pulling dramatics and refusing to work or something."

Jared snorted and then nodded in understanding. "I get it, but the last thing Jensen would ever be is unprofessional. Believe me, I know," he finished with a mutter. Darren acted like he didn't hear the last part and nodded as well.

"Okay then, as long as you're aware of the stakes here. I like you, Jared; that's why I offered you the job in California so I don't want anything to change that."

"I understand," Jared told him. "It won't be a problem. And, speaking of a job, I have to get these papers photocopied for you so I'm going to go do that now." Jared smiled at Darren and walked away purposefully, with determination in his step.

~~~~

The final two weeks of filming were awkward but not unmanageable. Darren usually kept Jared busy and off-set the majority of the time and the last couple weeks were no different. Jared and Jensen would say hello to each other but beyond that things were downright frosty. Even Jared's friends were wondering what the hell happened and Jared learned from Tobey that Dave and Landon were hanging out with Jensen some nights, catching the game at Jensen's hotel room or going to the bar on nights Jared wasn't working. Jared sometimes wished, for brief moments, that he was a spiteful person who would make his friends choose between him and his former... "friend", but he wasn't and the last thing he wanted to do was make Jensen feel like shit. Because if Jared let himself think about it he would have to admit to himself that he was miserable and hated the atmosphere between them.

There was nothing he wanted more some days than to barge into Jensen's trailer and tell him something that happened during his day. Or call him up and ask him over for a beer and to watch the game. Or drag him into the wardrobe trailer when no one was around and kiss him senseless, or run a hand through his hair when he was yawning, or hold him close when he was lying in bed... bottom line- Jared was fucked. Sometimes when Jared was sitting by himself at lunch at a table on the lot or when he was standing off to the side, watching a scene being filmed, he could feel Jensen's eyes on him. At first Jared would look over and try to catch him, but Jensen was too fast for him. Near the end of the two weeks Jared refused to look at him, preferring instead the feeling of Jensen's eyes on him for as long as possible.

The last week of filming was rather bittersweet for Jared. There were a lot of people on set who he didn't think too highly of, and he felt no regret in saying goodbye to them as the week went on and more people left every day as their jobs finished. But there were some who he'd come to like and appreciate spending time with, so it was hard to see them go. He'd learned a lot in his two months of being on the film set and it made him find a path he never would have considered otherwise.

On the night before their last day of official filming there was a knock at Jared's apartment door. He didn't even need to check the peep hole to know who was going to be on the other side. Somehow Jared expected Jensen to show up- it seemed to be their thing. He had heard through the gossip mill at work that Jensen was flying out late the next day without even attending the wrap party. He tried to tell himself not to feel guilty about that because if Jensen wanted to go to the wrap party all he had to do was suck it up like a mature adult and go.

"Jared," Jensen greeted him with a strained smile. Jared stood in the doorway leaning his hip against the frame.

"Hi," he said simply.

"I thought I should stop by before tomorrow, say goodbye," Jensen said with a shrug.

"You don't owe me anything," Jared replied, shaking his head.

"I know. I wanted to. We're still- I'd like to think we're still friends, Jared."

Jared frowned. "I don't know, Jensen."

"I understand. I'd like us to be, but ... I understand."

"I don't think you do," Jared said sadly, shaking his head. "I'd still like us to be, too. But I just don't know if I can, Jen."

"Jensen," he said softly, trying not to wince at the name. Jared inclined his head in acknowledgement.

"Jensen," he repeated. They stood around in the hallway, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly as the tension ratcheted up between them.

"I hate this!" Jensen finally exploded, balling his hands into fists. Jared looked at him curiously, slightly surprised. "I don't want things to be like this between us, Jared."

"I don't either," Jared agreed. "But I don't know how else-"

"What about before? When we were friends?" Jensen asked, hopeful. Jared shifted uncomfortably and looked at the ground.

"I don't know if I can do that, Jensen. There's just... too much."

"You're one of the best friends I've ever had," Jensen confessed, stepping closer. "This sucks, man. I know things are weird right now and I know it's uncomfortable and you're hurt but-"

"There's no but in that, Jensen," Jared cut him off, sighing and trying to roll the tension out of his shoulders. "It is or it isn't. And right now it really, really is. You made your decision and I'm trying to respect that, even if I don't agree with it or fully understand it."

Jensen nodded. "I know. I'm just trying to-"

"This is hard, man! I don't think you get how hard," Jared interrupted him again. He was frustrated because it seemed like Jensen was hellbent on soothing his own ruffled feathers before taking off for parts unknown and be damned to everything else.

"Would you shut up, Jared?" Jensen hissed suddenly. "I do get how hard it is! Do you know how shitty it's been these past couple weeks? We were friends before we got together, Jared, and to not have you in my life right now in any way is hell. I see you on set and I want to talk to you, to touch you. I think about calling you in the middle of the night. I ask the guys what's going on with you so I don't feel so out of touch. I-" Jensen stopped suddenly and swallowed hard as he blinked rapidly, trying to compose himself. "This is as hard for me as it is for you. I just can't let it happen."

"No," Jared shook his head, sadly. "You won't let it happen."

"And we end up right where we started," Jensen finished for him.

"Guess so."

"Now what?"

"That's what I've been asking you all this time."

"I don't know the answers, Jared. I'm as lost as you are."

"You're just making the rules, then. That's not exactly fair, you know," Jared told him.

"I'm sorry," Jensen said with a sigh. "I think it was a bad idea to come here tonight." He stepped back and Jared felt a thrill of fear race through him.

"No!" Jared stepped forward and grabbed Jensen's arm as he started to back up, forcing him to look up at him. "It wasn't. Because no matter what's happened between us or what will or won't happen at least we're trying to close it, right? I don't hate you, Jensen. On the contrary, I'm- I. I mean, I really-" he stopped and smiled. "I still really like you."

"Jared..." Jensen whispered, stepping closer.

Jensen was sure Jared heard his quick intake of air as he reached up to cup Jared's cheek. He felt his chest twinge when Jared's eyes fell shut and he allowed himself to lean into the touch for a brief moment. Too soon, though, Jared was pulling back and opening his eyes, rallying strength to step back, shut the door and say goodbye to him. Jensen opened his mouth to say something, his hand still raised to Jared's cheek, but a bright flash caught him off guard, rendering him speechless for a second before he realized what was going on, followed by another and another until all he could see were flashes.

"Hey!" he yelled out, turning toward the commotion. "Put those down! Stop!"

Three photographers were standing behind them in the hall, snapping photos quickly. Except for the cameras they looked like regular people who lived in the complex and Jared figured someone let them in, thinking they lived in the building. They continued to take a few more photos before Jensen started advancing on them, yelling. Jared followed and the photographers got scared and started running. Jensen raced after them, swearing and shouting at them and Jared stayed back, hesitating on whether to follow.

Jensen tried to chase after the photographers but they were too fast and got out of the building before he could reach them. He caught their license plate number and made a mental note of it, vowing to track them down however he could. He had to act fast, though. Jensen looked back and noticed that Jared had followed him out of the building and was standing on the walkway in his bare feet, hands shoved deep in his pockets. Jensen walked back to him, unsure of what to say.

"Sorry, Jensen," Jared offered and he sounded like he actually meant it. Jensen shrugged and sighed tiredly.

"I have to go- call Lynne and figure out what do do." He ran a shaky hand through his hair and turned to go.

"Jensen!" Jared called before he got too far down the hall. Jensen froze but only turned halfway and waited for Jared to continue. "Is it really worth it?"

There was a long silence and for a second Jensen saw a flicker of hope light up in Jared's face. "It has to be," he finally said softly, and out of the corner of his eye he watched Jared's shoulders slump as he leaned back against his door, burying his hands in his pockets.

When Jensen imagined how things would go on this shoot, the progression of days and the people he would meet and then finally leaving Texas, he never once expected his life to blow up so spectacularly in his face as he walked away from Jared, this city and what felt like half of himself.

~~~~

So life went on. That's what Jared learned from his experience with Jensen Ackles. Life was actually moving at breakneck speed for Jared since Jensen left town and basically disappeared. There hadn't been any new magazine covers or interviews speculating on his new romantic conquests, or anything, really, in quite some time. There hadn't even been any paparazzi shots...

Jared wasn't sure what happened after that last night. Jensen walked away from him and as far as Jared knew he got on his plane the next day and took off for La-La land, determined to never think about Jared again. It felt that way, anyway, because Jared hadn't heard squat from the actor in the past couple months. Jared knew he could get in touch with Jensen if he really wanted, but clearly Jensen didn't want to be contacted so Jared had to respect that.

The rest of the summer passed relatively uneventfully. The film crew packed up and moved out of town, taking with them the best job Jared was sure he ever had. But in the first couple weeks after they left he questioned whether that was because of the actual job or because Jensen was there every day. Once Jared returned to his usual grind at the bar and gas station he realized he did miss the work. He missed getting up at the crack of dawn and running his ass off every day and going home exhausted. He missed learning new things about lighting and pacing and how to get a dolly to work when the wheels were stuck. He learned about the best angles to shoot a scene for, depending on what mood the director was going for. He learned the most about himself, and that he couldn't sit around and wait for things to happen in his life anymore.

He told his family and friends that he was bisexual. His experience with Jensen and that last night was motivation enough for him to want to do it the next day, but he knew he had to work up to doing it, find out the best way to go about it to prepare himself for some potentially negative reactions. His parents were shocked, to say the least while Megan's face was unreadable. His mother cried and his dad left the room. Jared's heart sank and he got up to leave, but his mother stopped him and made him sit down and tell her everything. He told her an edited story of how he met this guy and he was really, really great and well, one thing led to another. He found his father outside in the backyard and Jared talked even though he wasn't sure his father was even listening. He talked until it got dusky and the moths swarmed around the outside light.

"I'm not going to hide, Dad," Jared said finally, his voice tired and growing hoarse as he stood up from the patio chair he sat in for the duration of his one-sided talk. "I'd rather have you know and hate me than live in fear of you finding out some other way and hating me even more."

"Jared." Jared looked up at his father's gruff voice, surprised. "We could never hate you." He stood up and drew Jared into an awkward hug that Jared accepted gratefully. "Just give us some time, son. We need to understand all this."

"Okay," Jared whispered, scared his voice would crack. He left that night feeling a million times lighter than he had in a long while. He was sitting in his truck in the driveway, resting his shaking hands on the steering wheel, when the passenger side door opened and Megan hopped in the truck, startling him. He gave her a cautious smile, unsure of her reaction because she hadn't said anything while he talked to his mother.

"It was Jensen, wasn't it?" she asked softly. Jared blinked at her and looked confused.

"The guy you met. It was Jensen," she went on. Jared opened his mouth to say something- he wasn't sure what but perhaps to deny? To argue? To make someone else up?

"Yeah," Jared said softly, looking down at his hands.

"What happened?" she asked, twisting toward him on the seat to look him better in the eye.

"He uh," Jared started, feeling his throat get scratchy. "He wouldn't." He stopped again and tried to breathe deep to keep from losing control. "I wasn't enough to make him stay."

There was a moment of silence and then Jared felt a hot, fat tear roll down his cheek. He gasped and let himself go for the first time since the whole mess started. Megan reached across the seat and pulled him against her tightly, letting him fall apart around her. They sat in the dark and quiet truck for a long time that night.

~~~~

"Don't forget to call when you stop at each place, you hear?" Jared's mom told him as she passed him a small cooler full of sandwiches and drinks. Jared accepted them gratefully and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. He packed it away behind the truck seat, the cab sweltering in the late-summer Texas heat that, deep down and even though he hated it most days, he was going to miss.

"Will do."

"Do you have a tire iron in there? The spare tire is packed so you can get at it easily, right?" Jared's dad asked, joining he and his mom in the hallway.

"Secure near the tailgate." Jared nodded. "We'll be fine, I promise."

"I know, honey. It's just so far away," Jared's mom sighed. "Couldn't you have gone to school in Dallas?"

"This one is the best, mom," Jared told her with a laugh and leaned in to hug her tight. "I'll be home before you know it for Thanksgiving."

"You'd better," she warned.

Jared led his parents out of the house to the driveway where his truck was stuffed full of his and Sandy's stuff. They were doing it- leaving just like Sandy always hoped they would. Megan stepped away from Sandy to hug her brother tight, eyes red when she pulled back.

"I'm going to be out there to visit you as much as I can, you know. So make some fast connections with some hot young actors and hook me up! If you don't keep them all for yourself, that is!" Jared laughed at her and put her in a loose headlock to muss up her hair. She shoved him away and gave him a dirty look before smiling and hugging him again quickly.

Jared scratched Harley and Sadie behind the ears and, even though he knew they didn't understand what was going on, promised he'd send for them as soon as he found a big enough place for them. Goodbyes were said to everyone and Jared's parents hugged Sandy goodbye, telling them to look after each other. Jared felt like there was a hollow spot in his chest from the thought of leaving his whole life behind but as soon as Sandy looked over at him when they rolled out of the driveway, bright smile on her face and laughing, he knew he could make it work.

~~~~

"Right through here, Mr. Ackles." Jensen looked up and noticed that the secretary at the warehouse that doubled as a set for Darren's new film was gesturing to a door behind her desk. He jumped out of his chair quickly and shrugged out of his overcoat, hanging it over his arm as he ran a hand through his hair quickly.

"Do you know what time the interviewer from the magazine will be here?" he asked as he followed her. He was meeting Darren so they could sit down with someone from Entertainment Weekly and give an interview on the movie they filmed in Texas. As far as he was aware the film was out of editing now and was being screened, so the studio had started promotion and asked Jensen if he could do some press tours in the weeks leading up to the release.

The past six months were quiet for Jensen. After the shoot in Texas and the photographers and Ja- everything, he amended to himself. After everything that went on Jensen decided to take some time off and relax. He found out who the photographers were working for and offered them a lot of money to keep the photos quiet, at least for the time being. Jensen knew they were just waiting for the right moment to release them but he was holding onto the idea that as long as he threw money at them they'd keep their part of the agreement.

Not that any of it mattered anymore. The past six months were really about a lot of soul-searching for Jensen. He was taking the time off under the pretences of reading scripts and waiting for his next great role to come along, but really he'd only glanced at a couple scripts and told his publicist to keep the heat off him for as long as possible. The months passed faster than he expected and now he was bracing himself for a potential media firestorm if those pictures got released. He'd given Lynne the heads up already and prepared for her wrath, but she hugged him instead and called him a jackass, swearing she'd be with him as long as he wanted her around. The rest of his management team took the news with barely any reaction at all and told Jensen not to worry.

However things went down, Jensen knew he had to get back into the swing of things with his career and start looking at scripts in earnest. Directors and studios were calling for him almost daily, but some of them were tapping their feet impatiently while he refused to talk to them and make decisions on anything.

So he was trying to get his head back into the game and started by agreeing to a sit-down interview with Darren, which had to be on the set of Darren's new movie because he was in such high demand of late. After the interview he was going to go meet a couple of independent directors and talk with them about the one movie role that held his attention beyond a brief cursory glance. The more he thought about the role the more nervous it made him because he realized how much he actually did want it, so he did the opposite and ignored it completely as he mentally prepared himself to talk about his last film.

"I think they said about quarter after ten, sir," the secretary replied to him as she opened the door to the set. She escorted him through to the large darkened room then smiled and returned to her desk, leaving Jensen alone. He straightened his shirt and glanced around for Darren or someone who could direct him to the other man.

"Excuse me?" Jensen cleared his throat as he approached someone standing at the craft services table from behind. "Could you tell me where Darren is, please?"

"Yeah, he's over by the su- oh." The guy turned around and stopped suddenly as he focused on Jensen, who felt his mouth drop open.

"Jared?" Jensen asked disbelievingly.

"Hey, Jensen," Jared replied, as if it were just another day. "What's up?"

"Jared?" Jensen repeated. "What are you doing here?"

"Having lunch," Jared replied with a half-grin and holding up his plate filled with salad, chicken and bread. Jensen took him in slowly. His hair was still shaggy and long-ish but seemed tamed, somehow. He was tanned, even more so than he was in Texas, and Jensen noticed that he'd managed to keep up his workout routine since the summer. Jensen let his eyes run across the pink polo shirt that was tight on his chest and down his dark, strong arms that appeared even bigger than Jensen remembered them being. He was wearing a pair of white shorts and the ever-present sandals that Jensen recalled him wearing all the time.

Jensen rolled his eyes at Jared's remark despite the overwhelming urge he felt to disappear back through the door the receptionist led him through. "Seriously- what are you doing here? I thought you turned down Darren's offer."

"I did. But then I ended up out here anyway for this course I'm taking; I'm getting some credit for a work practicum and, well..." Jared trailed off as he gestured around him. Jensen nodded his head, impressed.

"Wow, that's great," he started. He paused, trying to figure out what to say next, and Jared flashed a huge grin at something behind him. Jensen turned slightly to look and was nearly smacked in the head by an outstretched arm that wrapped around Jared's neck, pulling him into a tight hug. Jensen watched Jared hug the guy that the arm belonged to tightly, and longer than Jensen liked.

"Roger! What are you doing here? I didn't think I'd see you until tonight!" Jared said loudly, happily- with familiarity. Jensen watched as the two men, this Roger and Jared, hugged. The guy was probably Jensen's height and seemed to fit perfectly in Jared's arms. He was hot, even Jensen had to admit, with dark hair and dark eyes that held Jared's attention effortlessly as Jensen felt ignored.

"I just got in! Thought I'd stop by and see what you were up to before I went back to the apartment," Roger exclaimed, stepping back and holding Jared at arm's length so he could take him all in. "You look great!"

"Oh, hey," Jared said suddenly, looking over Roger's shoulder and noticing Jensen still standing there, likely looking as awkward as he felt. "Roger, this is Jensen. Jensen this is Roger. He's-"

"Jensen?" Darren called out then, walking out of the darkness from the other side of set with a huge grin. Jensen grinned in relief and reached a hand out to the director as he came closer. Darren shook his hand with a strong grip and clapped him on the arm. "Been awhile, Ackles. Where the hell you been?"

"Around," Jensen shrugged, happy to have something to distract him from what looked like the happy couple on his other side.

"Jared, mind if I steal him away for a bit while we do an interview?" Darren asked, as if Jared had any say. "Oh, hey Roger." Jensen glanced between Jared and Roger and Darren as his heart sunk with the realization that this Roger was clearly a regular on set.

"Of course!" Jared said, smiling brilliantly. He held his hand out to Jensen who accepted it slowly. Jared shook it quickly, keeping the contact to a minimum and looked him in the eye. "Jensen, it was good to see you. If you're around..."

"Sure." Jensen nodded. "I'll look you up now that I know you're in town."

Jared bit his lip and looked like he was going to say something else but he gave him a distant smile and turned back to Roger, saying something to him quietly that made Roger laugh. Jensen let Darren lead him away to the room they were going to give the interview in and fought the urge to look back every step of the way.

~~~~

"Un-fucking-believable," Jared muttered to himself as he unlocked the apartment door and stepped through it. He slumped against it when he closed it behind him and buried his face in his hands, groaning.

"Rough day?" Sandy called from the living room, watching him from her spot on the couch. Jared sank to the floor and spread his legs out in front of him, suddenly very tired and very confused. Sandy rushed over and crouched beside him, laying a hand on his arm. "Hey, what happened?"

"I saw him today," Jared replied shortly.

"Jensen? Where?"

"On set. He came to do an interview with Darren. I saw him as soon as he walked on set, no avoiding him."

"Do you want to avoid him?" Sandy asked, sitting down and crossing her legs beside Jared to get comfortable.

"No. Well, sort of. I don't really want to see him but I don't not want to see him. More than I don't want to see him. Am I making sense?"

"No," Sandy laughed. "But I get it. How did it go? Was he surprised to see you?"

"Damn near tripped on his tongue," Jared chuckled. "So I guess he really didn't know I've been here for a few months." Jared sobered and looked down at his hands, picking at his nails. "Someone on set told me today that Jensen's been a damn near recluse since Texas. No one's seen him or heard from him, he's not making any noise about what he's going to do next- nothing."

"Why do you think that is?" Sandy asked, reaching over to brush the hair out of Jared's face.

"A part of me wants it to be because of me. But that same part feels really bad if it is. It's his fault, though!" Jared exclaimed and Sandy nodded. "I gave him every chance back in Texas. I just want to be happy, Sandy."

"I know, honey," she murmured, moving around to sit by him against the door and pulling his head down to rest against hers as she stroked his hair. "I want you to be, too."

"He's not," Jared sighed. "He's lost weight and he doesn't look like he's been sleeping well. I feel like a damn fool for even thinking about him and what's going on with him, let alone worrying about the asshole, but I miss him. I didn't realize how much until today when I saw him."

"Maybe you need some closure? To talk to him and settle things between you two?"

"It doesn't get any more settled than Jensen leaving town freaked out about the idea that there are pictures of the two of us together out there. He meant what he said when he left Texas over the summer- his life is totally different from mine."

"Oh, what the fuck ever," Sandy groaned, clearly having heard this argument before. "Jared, you have to stop blaming yourself and thinking you're not good enough for him. When it comes right down to it you're gonna have to face it- dude's a dick."

"No," Jared denied immediately. "He's not." Sandy looked over at him disbelievingly. "I know, I know- it looks bad. But I get where he's coming from. And he was right, he doesn't have the same support system that I do or freedom to step up and say, 'this is who I am and fuck everything else'. He makes his living on what other people think of him and as a result what they'll pay to see him in movies."

"Doesn't mean he has to treat you like shit along the way, though. But," Sandy said with a sigh. "If things are really that bad for him then I think you got the better deal. And truth be told, I'm glad you're not with him if that's the way it's going to be. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything, Jared."

"I don't either," he nodded. "And I'm not. If I didn't do it for him then, I won't now. Not after everything that's happened. I just wish he'd see it the same way."

"Maybe he will eventually, right? But you don't need to waste any more time thinking about that right now. Come on, I have supper in the oven and I tried a new recipe for dessert that one of the girls from the temp agency gave me." Jared let Sandy help him stand up and led him to the kitchen where she showed him a pie. Or so he thought.

"What is it?"

"It's supposed to be an apple strudel. I kinda mushed it a little but it still tastes good!"

Jared burst out laughing and pulled Sandy to him, hugging her to him tightly. "Thanks, Sandy."

She squeezed him back briefly and then shoved him away, still laughing. "Yeah, yeah. No more sentimental crap. Let's eat!"

~~~~

"So things between you and Jared aren't any better?"

Jensen looked over at Darren and was grateful for the sunglasses that hid his eyes from wincing at the mention of him and Jared. He shook his head and took a sip of his coffee, saving him from speaking about it at all. Darren had asked Jensen to meet him for an early breakfast during their interview earlier in the week and mentioned something about a new script. Jensen figured it couldn't hurt to ask and agreed, taking his first meeting since he filmed the movie in Texas. The last thing he wanted to do was discuss Jared but he wasn't about to tell Darren that to his face.

"You didn't even know he was here, did you?" Darren continued. Again, Jensen shook his head. "Why didn't you ever ask about him? Or call him?"

Jensen sighed and shrugged.

"Come on, man. Give me something here."

"It's none of your business?" Jensen replied lightly, raising his eyebrows over his sunglasses. Darren held up his hands and nodded.

"Agreed. But." Darren waited until he had Jensen's undivided attention. "You look like shit, Jensen."

"Gee, thanks," Jensen cut in sarcastically. Darren gave him a pointed look and Jensen gestured for him to continue.

"I really want to work with you on this film, but I don't know if you're up to it. I can't bring you on board if you're going to get sick or if you can't handle the pressure."

"I can handle it," Jensen said tersely, almost snapping at Darren.

"What's going on with you, Jensen?" Darren asked, leaning across the table closer. "I'm not here to judge, man. Just tell me what's up and we can get through it."

"It's nothing," Jensen tried to say flatly but Darren would have none of it.

"Don't give me that bullshit. You and Jared were great friends and then all of a sudden- nothing. You barely looked at each other before we wrapped. What's up with that? And now he's out here and you don't know at all? What happened, Jensen?"

"He found out something about me he didn't like," Jensen finally said. "So we parted ways."

"He found out...?"

Jensen pushed his sunglasses up on his head and glanced around carefully, his heart pounding as he leaned in closer to Darren. His palms were sweaty and he felt like he was putting his career on the line, he was risking his life and his livelihood and - "I'm gay, Darren." - and he was ruining everything and-

"And?"

Jensen blinked. "And?"

"Yeah, what of it? Jared didn't know? Is he homophobic?" Darren asked, his eyes growing wide with shock.

"What? No! Jared's not a homophobe. Not in the least. And he did know- he was the first, actually. And... hey, why are you so not surprised?"

"Jensen," Darren started, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I might be absent-minded and in my own world half the time, but I'm not blind. And neither were the other people on set. Or any set, for that matter. In fact, for the longest time I thought you and Jared were together."

Jensen must have blinked or twisted his mouth in a funny way because Darren's face dropped and he leaned in again. "You two were together? You broke up? That's what it was?"

"Sort of," Jensen replied, waving his hand. "He couldn't handle that I don't want anyone to know I'm gay."

"But people do." Darren returned, confused.

"Sure, I know that now. But I wasn't aware of that while Jared and I were... together."

"If you were would things have been different?"

Jensen started to reply but changed his mind and thought about it for a second. "I don't know."

"Let me get this straight- you and Jared hooked up-"

"We were friends first," Jensen interrupted. "We got to be really good, close friends after those couple nights at the bar. Best friends, even."

"Okay, so you're friends. One thing leads to another and you two hook up-"

"He wasn't gay. Er, he's not gay. He's bi, but he didn't realize it until we started hanging out. The guy just never expected anything out of life for himself. Made me kind of mad, because he's so smart, you know? He could do so much and he didn't even know it."

"Are you telling this story, or am I?" Darren asked. Jensen inclined his head and gestured for him to go on. "So you two are friends and you unearth some long-hidden feelings for the same sex in Jared. You two work through it, get to the good stuff and then what? You decide you can't be seen in public with him so you two break up?"

"Pretty much," Jensen shrugged. "He said that he couldn't be with someone who couldn't even accept himself or something."

"You're right, he is a smart guy."

Jensen gave Darren a look and shook his head. "You don't understand."

"I don't understand that there's something that makes you a little different and you're too chicken shit to own up to it, so no one else around you can accept it either?"

Jensen felt his cheeks redden. "It's not as simple as that-"

"You think people haven't come out before in this business? That you're different and people will think differently of you because you're gay?"

"I could lose jobs, my reputation," Jensen tried to explain.

"You could lose jobs because you tell the wrong joke at a party, Jensen. And you know that. Stop being such a pussy and suck it up. Yeah, people might look at you differently when you walk down the street. Some people might say mean things about you behind your back or refuse to include you in their circles or something but you know what? Fuck it. You and Jared- that was something. You want to be with him, right? You're fucking wasting away over the guy and yet you're acting like a fucking ass." Darren reached over and rapped Jensen on the head with his knuckles. "Life's hard, get a helmet."

Jensen was silent and frowned at Darren, taking in everything he said. "You've really known all this time?"

"I've known since before you started on the movie."

"And you still wanted to work with me?"

"I don't care what you do in your free time. As long as you show up to set on time, do your work and make me lots of money I could care less if you get high and play the bongos like McConnaughey every night. And you'll find that attitude among a lot of people in this business. Just as you'll find the people who will shy away from you when they know you're different. But a lot of those people are the ones that are going to hate you anyway, for whatever reason they can find. Clearly, Jared isn't one of those people, so try not to fuck that up any more than you already have."

Surprisingly Jensen was still able to eat after Darren finished talking to him. He thought over everything Darren said, that he had known all this time that Jensen was gay and nothing had ever come of it. From the way Darren talked- everyone knew. And yet he still had a job, he still had lots of roles being offered to him and he had been none the wiser. He was the one trying to keep a secret and yet everyone else who knew it kept it better than he did.

"So what are you going to do for the rest of the day?" Darren asked as they paid for their meal and shrugged their jackets on to leave.

"I'm going to see if I can make some appointments and then go from there." They walked outside and waited for the valet to bring them their vehicles. Before Darren got into his Jensen called out to him, "Hey Darren?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it true what they say? There's no such thing as bad publicity?" Darren grinned and winked at him.

~~~~

About a week later, Jared groaned and for a split second entertained the thought of pretending he wasn't home when the apartment buzzer sounded. Sandy was out with Jim or Tim or Ted somebody- he couldn't keep track because she was becoming quite the social butterfly lately in hopes of making connections with the right people- and Jared was looking forward to a quiet night alone in the apartment without any assignments or phone calls from set. But, as he remembered from months before, there was a voice on the other side that refused to let him be, and Jared jumped at the sound.

"Jared! I know you're in there. I can't see your truck this time but I talked to Darren. C'mon man, let me in," Jensen called from the hallway, knocking loudly. Jared winced because he knew that his neighbors would be pissed if Jensen kept up the racket, celebrity or not, so he hurried to the door and opened it quickly.

"Hey. What's up?" he asked, trying to be casual. Jensen was standing in the hallway with a surprised look on his face, holding some magazines. He looked better than he did when Jared saw him on set a couple weeks before. He looked rested and like he'd put on a few pounds. His light brown hair was shorter than it was when he was filming the movie. He was dressed simply, in fitted jeans and a button-up black shirt with a brown jacket. Next to him Jared felt schlubby in a pair of baggy jeans and a hoodie with a backward baseball cap on.

"I uh, came by to see you."

Jared nodded, refraining from saying anything too sarcastic. "And?"

"Can we talk?"

"Is there anything left to talk about?" Jared asked.

Jensen's face fell a little and he stepped forward, clutching the magazines tighter. "Don't be like that, Jared."

"Be like what? I'm honestly not sure what we could talk about now. You made yourself clear and that was months ago. That's cool, I understand. We don't have to push it any-"

"I have something I need to show you," Jensen cut him off in a rush. "Please, Jared. I'd really like to talk to you. You didn't say no when I mentioned I would look you up."

Jared shrugged and stepped aside to let him in. When Jensen passed by him Jared breathed in his scent quickly and closed his eyes as he shut the door, taking the briefest of moments to remember those few hot, summer months that he spent with him and tried not to immediately regret it. Jensen waited for him to lead him into the living room.

"Want a beer or something?" Jensen shook his head so Jared sat down and looked at him expectantly. "Okay." Jensen sat down on the coffee table across from Jared instead of sitting on the couch beside him or in one of the armchairs and took a breath.

"These are for you," Jensen said, holding out a couple magazines. One was a tabloid-esque one, all glossy and flashy with bright words and scandalised headlines- the main one being, 'Exclusive! Pictures of Heart-throb Jensen Ackles!' The other was People magazine with Jensen's smiling face plastered across the front and the headline, "The Truth in My Own Words: I'm Gay." Jared's mouth dropped open and he looked up at Jensen quickly.

"Oh my god! "Why now? Why did the pictures come out now?" He asked, heart thudding like a jackhammer in his chest.

"Because I stopped paying the photographers to keep them from being published," Jensen said quietly. Jared's mouth dropped open further.

"What? Wait- I don't get it. What?" Jared started flipping through the People magazine quickly.

"I've been paying the photographers for the past six months to stop them from selling the photos," Jensen said with wry smile. "I've been hanging on to the last shreds of my sanity because of it; constantly worrying that the next morning I was going to wake up to dozens of phone calls and people talking about me on the entertainment shows and in the supermarket rags. I've been hiding for the past six months because- well, I don't really know why.

"Then I saw you on Darren's set last week and it threw me. I thought when I left Texas I probably wouldn't see you again and I could leave all that behind because dammit, Jared- I'd made my choice long before I met you. I had everything all planned out and my career was coming first at the expense of my personal life, but it was what I had chosen for myself. Then I met you and it all went out the damn window."

"I'm sorry?" Jared asked, not quite sure where Jensen was going with his speech.

"I got scared. I probably picked the wrong profession to be in, because I don't like people knowing everything about me- or even some things about me. But I can't change that now. I hated how easy it seemed to be for you to admit your sexuality to yourself and talk about sharing it with the people in your life. I didn't hate you," he assured hurriedly, not that Jared took offence. "I just hated how simple you made it look when I could barely say the word in public for fear of someone hearing me. I'm not proud of the way I've acted and the things I said to you, or did. I wish I could say I'd do things differently if I had the chance to go back, but honestly I don't know if I would. I want to believe that everything's going to work out the way it should because that's pretty much all I have right now.

"I came here to show you these," he gestured to the magazines. "And to say that I'm sorry. You were- are- one of my best friends and I let all of that go because- well, you know why. So this is my attempt to try and fix all that and move past it." Jensen sat back a little and waited for Jared's response.

"Huh," Jared finally said slowly, trying to wrap his mind around everything. He really wasn't sure what to say and he knew that Jensen was looking for more but he didn't have it to give. He looked at Jensen and opened his mouth, then closed it again. Then, "I think I need that beer. You want one now?"

"I could go for a beer," Jensen agreed quickly. Jared took the magazines with him to the kitchen and skimmed through the article and the pictures as fast as he could while he grabbed the beers. He frowned as he flipped through the pages and read quickly as he walked back to the living room slowly.

"Jensen?" Jared asked, flipping through the other magazine curiously when he sat back down on the couch.

"Yeah?" Jensen accepted the bottle Jared offered and opened it right away, taking a long drink while Jared let his sit on the coffee table, unopened, as he flipped through the other magazine.

"These pictures..."

"Yeah?"

"There's nothing incriminating here. They don't even mention anything about you being gay in here. They're just some slightly blurry pictures of you looking pissed off and me looking confused in the background. But you can't even tell it's me because my face is kind of shadowed," Jared explained slowly, shaking his head and holding up the magazine to show the pictures of that night, with their Texas tans and summer clothes and little else.

"I know."

"So you went to People for nothing?" Jared asked, feeling like his stomach dropped to his toes.

"I went knowing what the pictures were of," Jensen clarified. Jared blinked at him and shook his head.

"But-"

"It was only after I saw the pictures that I decided to do the interview." Jensen held a hand up to stop Jared from cutting in so he could continue. "I wanted to see how bad they were for myself so I could prepare for whatever I figured would happen. I realized I'd been had but I didn't feel any better when I saw the photos. I've been paying the photographers out of fear for six months, but they were just playing me for money. And yeah, I was kind of pissed off, before you ask, but my own stupidity, right? Anyway, I realized that they could publish the photos and it would just be like any other paparazzi photos- no one would be any wiser for it. Until the next time someone took photos of me and I'd freak out again. I've been so paranoid I feel like Howard fucking Hughes. That's no way to live my life, Jared."

"I agree," Jared replied. "But everything you did it for, all the reasons you told me- your career-"

"Will still be there. Roles might be harder to get and yeah, I'll probably come across a lot of people who don't agree with how I live my life. But," Jensen said taking a deep breath. "It's how I'm going to live it and not them. I'm going to try being happy instead of famous."

"You don't even like being famous," Jared laughed.

"Exactly! That's exactly it!" Jensen exclaimed back with his own grin. "It's all so fucking simple now."

"You should've listened to me," Jared chided, jokingly. "Would have saved you all those months of worrying and fear and- hey. Do I see a grey hair in there?" Jensen batted Jared's hand away as he leaned across to pick at Jensen's head teasingly. Jared laughed again and then looked down, noticing how Jensen didn't let go of his hand. The laughter died and Jensen swallowed hard, lacing his fingers with Jared's.

"I probably don't have any place to ask this after everything, and I know you're uh, with someone else right now, but if there's any way at all that we can get some coffee or go to dinner or something? I'd really like that. I- I really want to be at least friends with you, Jared."

Jared furrowed his brow and pulled his hand back from Jensen gently. "Have you seen me with someone, Jensen?"

"On Darren's set last week, there was that guy who came up to you and hugged you, kissed you," Jensen said, clasping his hands together nervously and looking down at them.

"So that guy and me, we're together?" Jared asked with a slight grin.

"Yes? Why are you asking me?"

"I'm just trying to figure out exactly what to tell Sandy's cousin so we can have a good laugh over you thinking he's gay and my boyfriend," Jared explained, trying to hold back a big grin. Jensen looked up at him sharply and let out an exasperated sigh upon seeing Jared's laughing face. He shoved at Jared's shoulder while hiding his own smile and leaned forward without thinking as Jared ducked his head shyly and let Jensen kiss him.

It was tentative and unsure, much like their first kisses and Jared could feel his hands shake slightly as he lifted one to Jensen's shoulder slowly. Jensen was edging forward on the coffee table until their knees knocked, trying to find room. Jensen let out a frustrated groan that sent a warning shudder through Jared's body, forcing him to break the kiss and lean back. He lifted his fingers to his lips and touched them lightly while Jensen stared at him with wide eyes.

"What are we doing?" Jared asked.

"I thought it was fairly obvious," Jensen replied, trying to be funny but Jared wasn't laughing.

"It's not that simple."

Jensen nodded and swallowed hard. "Believe me, I know."

"You can't just come here with some pictures and some carefully chosen words and expect me to be happy and grateful that you finally grew a pair," Jared told him, harsher than he intended but once the words were out he realized he meant them.

"I know that, too," Jensen agreed. "I didn't come here for that, I swear."

"Then why did you?"

Jensen opened his mouth to speak but then stopped and simply said, "You were right. I played into all that bullshit and fucked up our friendship. I don't expect that to fix anything, though. You've got this whole new life out here that I had no clue about. I realized that you were the one to do all the hard stuff- got a new job, moved across the country, came out willingly ... I could barely say out loud that I'm gay. It took me a long time to understand all that but now that I have I wanted to tell you because you're my friend."

"It's easier said than done," Jared told him with a shrug. "I know why you did it all though, Jensen. This industry isn't as open and accepting as it likes to think it is and I know why you hid it for so long. I'm sorry I pushed."

"Don't be. It doesn't matter anymore, anyway. It's all out there for everyone to read about and I'm through caring about it. I'll let everyone else handle all the major stuff and keep going."

"I'm happy for you," Jared told him softly. "Still doesn't mean I can just-"

"I know, I'm not asking you to. But of anyone I could tell about this first, I wanted it to be you. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything you talked about over the summer- changing the way I saw things, opening doors. All that other mushy, self-realization bullshit," Jensen said, rolling his eyes and Jared chuckled.

"So..." Jared finally said when they grew quiet, unsure of what to say or do next.

"Are you doing anything this weekend?" Jensen asked in a rush. Jared blinked and sat back a little. "I mean, if you wanted we could go for coffee or maybe I could get tickets to a basketball game or something."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Jared told him softly. Jensen's face fell a little but he nodded.

"I get it. I just thought I'd ask, is all."

"I appreciate it, I do Jensen. I just-"

"No, it's cool. I get it."

"No, you don't. I still care about you," Jared told him with a small, helpless smile. "But I don't know what's going on so I can't- I just can't."

Jensen nodded slowly. "Okay."

"I just need some time to figure things out and I think you should think about what you want."

"I have," Jensen replied, gesturing to the magazines obviously.

"Not that. I meant us," Jared waved his hand between them. "Like you said over the summer- your world and that world are two different things. Maybe what we had there wouldn't translate here, you know?"

"I'd tell you that I know it can, but I know what you'd say so I won't. I can give you time, as much as you need. I would really like us to be friends again, Jared, so here's my number and you can call me whenever, if you want. Whenever you're ready." Jensen handed Jared a card from his wallet and stood up, brushing his pants down. "I think I should go now."

"Yeah," Jared agreed. He walked Jensen to the door and leaned against the doorframe as Jensen turned to him in the hall.

"So I'll... see you around?" Jensen asked. "Maybe?"

"Maybe," Jared echoed and smiled at Jensen softly. He waited until Jensen turned back around and stepped back in the apartment to close the door quickly so he wouldn't have to watch Jensen walking away again, even if this time it was his doing.

~~~~

In true show business fashion, Jensen's story was the talk of the town- for about three days. His story was featured on the cover of every magazine and tabloid in the world, it seemed. He gave a few interviews and went out in public and gave soundbites to reporters. He didn't hide and for that he was proud of himself. It was a pain in the ass, sure. Lynne had her hands full dealing with the reporters and calls for stories and sudden flood of fanmail. As he expected, he lost a couple film offers he was considering. But as soon as he lost three he gained ten more. A part of him wondered if being gay in Hollywood was just a novelty at the moment and people were trying to get in while the possible trend was hot, but he didn't care.

He felt free. It was terrifying and uncharted territory for him to be so far into a place he didn't know how to navigate, but he was free. He didn't wake up in the middle of the night wondering about this photo when he was out with a guy friend or that time he was in the showers at the gym and may have looked at another guy's dick for too long or any of it- he didn't worry about it anymore. He still had fears, sure. Some people looked at him differently now. He could see people whispering about him but it was different than any other time. Now he knew exactly what they were talking about and he didn't care.

Darren called him on a Thursday morning and asked if he was free the next evening to get together with him and the rest of his cast and crew for the movie he was working on for a night out at a club. Filming was winding down on some productions in preparation for the Thanksgiving holiday so Darren said he wanted to treat everyone and figured he'd invite Jensen along, too.

"I don't know, man," Jensen told him over the phone as he worked out on his treadmill. "Will Jared be there?"

"I'm not sure, but I don't think so. I asked him and he seemed pretty non-committal."

"Did you tell him I was going to be there?" Jensen asked, worried that Jared didn't want to go because of him.

"Didn't say a word to him. I think he's busy getting ready to go back home to Texas or something. I thought you guys would have been patched up and just like new again after you did the interview."

Jensen sighed and closed his eyes briefly. "So did I. But he needs time, which I can give him. I'm just waiting now."

"Well come out and wait with us at the club, then. Have a couple drinks, we'll chat about the new script." Darren won him over and Jensen agreed to be at the club. If Jared wasn't going to be there the least he could do was go to talk with Darren and thank him in person for helping him figure things out.

The next night Jensen showed up later than he'd anticipated and strolled into the club casually, looking for his party. He found it, spotting Darren from the door, and made his way over to the long tables put together for their large group. He greeted the director casually and took a seat beside him, chatting amicably. Everyone else at the table waved their hellos and then went back to their own conversations. Jensen could see a few people in the club watching him carefully, sizing him up with critical eyes, but aside from that it was a normal night out.

Jensen talked with Darren for awhile and they discussed some of the details of the script that would need to be ironed out at a later date. Jensen realized he didn't think he'd been as excited about a potential project like this since he read the script for the movie he did in Texas and that he truly did want this part. He leaned in close to the director to ask him something else about the movie when a small cheer went up in greeting at the other end of the table. Jensen looked up just in time to see Jared walk up to the table and shrug his jacket off, signaling to their server for a beer. He sat at the other end of the table from Jensen and Darren and apparently hadn't seen him yet.

"Everything okay?" Darren asked, seeing where Jensen's eyes were.

"Yeah, it's cool. It's not like we can't be together in the same room. We're just not doing much of anything right now," Jensen explained with a shrug. He tried his best to ignore Jared at the other end and succeeded for the most part. But he could tell the exact moment that Jared spotted him a few minutes later. He looked up slowly and caught Jared's eyes, feeling his cheeks grow warm as Jared didn't look away and neither did he. Jensen offered a small smile, a real one, and Jared broke out into a wide, genuine grin. Jensen felt his smile get bigger until he was snickering to himself and Jared was trying his best to hide his laughter at the other end.

"Something you care to clue me in on?" Darren asked, raising an eyebrow at Jensen's sudden case of the giggles.

"It's nothing," he told him, shaking his head. He sent Jared a stern look that just made the other man laugh harder and Jensen broke down again, too.

An hour or so later Jensen was ready to go. He noticed Jared left the table to go to the bathroom and Jensen saw that as his chance to slip out unnoticed so it wouldn't create a scene. He wanted to talk to Jared more than anything, wanted to go sit with him and run his hand through Jared's hair, to simply be near him, but Jared had yet to approach him on his own. So he was getting more time.

He said goodnight to Darren and waved to the rest of the table who said goodnight back and headed for the front door. When he got to the entryway to the club the door swung open briefly and Jensen could see at least a dozen or so paparazzi outside, waiting for him to come out. He cursed under his breath and stepped back, smiling apologetically to the door person. He looked around and started to walk back into the club proper to see if there was another way out. He didn't get three steps before there was a hand at his back and a voice in his ear.

"My truck's outside."

"Oh?" Jensen asked, trying to be casual.

"I saw that the photographers are camped out front."

"Yeah," Jensen said with a sigh. "I don't know if there's another way out of here, though."

Jared leaned in close so his lips tickled Jensen's ear as he spoke, "I do."

Jensen turned around to face Jared and saw he already had his jacket on. He raised an eyebrow at him but Jared just grinned at him, then jerked his head back inside the club. He led Jensen toward the left of the stage where there was a long hallway. At the end there was an emergency exit that Jared opened carefully, checking to make sure the paparazzi weren't waiting in the back alley for them.

"Come on, it's cool." Jared stepped out, followed by Jensen and they both tightened their jackets around themselves a little, as the evening had cooled off considerably.

"You know, if I didn't know better I'd say you planned this," Jensen said as they walked toward his truck, parked at the end of the alley in an employee parking space.

"Yeah?"

"Either that or you have a serious hero complex."

Jared smirked at him. "I'm not the one who keeps needing my ass saved."

"Hey, I don't-" Jensen couldn't finish his thought because there was a camera flash behind him and when he turned back to look there were five or six photographers running down the alley toward them. "Shit."

Jared grabbed his hand and pulled him to the truck quickly. By the time they got there they were running to keep ahead of the paparazzi, Jensen's hand clenching Jared's back tightly. Jared unlocked Jensen's side first and then rounded the front quickly, sheilding his face from the flashes. He revved the engine when he started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot quicker than normal. Jensen started laughing when they were on the road, driving away from the club and Jared was checking his rearview mirrors to make sure none of them were following.

"What's so funny?" Jared asked.

"This whole thing- it's absurd. And we were running and they were taking photos... it's just funny," Jensen told him as his laughter died off. Jared smiled at him and nodded.

"Yeah, it kind of is. So where am I dropping you off? Did you bring a car you need to pick up?"

Jensen shook his head but didn't say where he needed to be dropped off. Instead he turned to Jared with a crooked grin, a plan formulating in his mind, and said, "I have an idea."

Jared gave him a cautious smile that only made Jensen grin wider.

~~~~

A half hour later Jared and Jensen were lying down, facing the sky and trying to find the stars, which was a lot harder to do in the thick of Los Angeles than it was in Jared's small city in Texas.

"I think that one's Orion's Belt," Jared said, pointing up at the sky. Jensen squinted and tried to see where Jared's finger was pointing but shook his head.

"I think it's a satellite."

Jared squinted as well and sighed. "Yeah, you're right. You know, I think I liked this better in Texas in the back of my truck."

Jensen looked around at them, lying on a large, fold down double chaise lounge in the backyard of his new house and shrugged. "But this is way more comfortable."

"Okay, you got me there. Even with that old blanket the truck bed wasn't the best."

"I can't believe you drove that thing all the way out here. I can't believe it made it all the way out here."

"Don't be talking smack about my truck, man," Jared replied, sticking a finger out and poking Jensen in the side. Jensen tried to edge out of the way as he grabbed the finger and held it, happy when Jared didn't pull his hand back.

"'Smack'? What are you learning out here in La-La Land?" Jensen laughed at him.

"A lot more than I expected," Jared replied softly, looking over at Jensen deliberately.

"Jared?" Jensen questioned. Jared didn't reply, though. He propped himself up on one elbow and leaned over Jensen, their hands still together on Jensen's stomach. Jensen started rubbing his thumb over the back of Jared's hand softly and said, "I don't think our worlds are so different anymore."

"You sure?" Jared asked and Jensen nodded. Jared didn't say anything back, just stared down at Jensen who was waiting with his breath held until Jared finally leaned down and kissed him careful and slow, so gentle that Jensen wasn't even sure it was happening. Jensen reached up and buried a hand in Jared's hair while the other continued to hold Jared's hand between them.

Jared lowered himself slowly until he was lying over Jensen's chest, kissing him thoroughly and carefully. Finally he pulled back enough to look Jensen in his eyes and smiled. "So?"

"Yeah?" Jensen asked breathlessly.

"Yeah." Jared laughed at Jensen's confused look, rubbing his nose against Jensen's cheek. "What are you doing next week for Thanksgiving?"

"Don't really know. Might go home to visit my folks in Dallas, might stay here. Why?"

"You want to come stay with me at my folk's place for a couple days? If you're going to be there already, that is."

"You really want..."

"I really want," Jared repeated, squeezing Jensen's hand.

"Why?"

"Because..." Jared trailed off, thinking for moment. "Because I'm tired of needing a reason. You gave me time to figure this all out and this is what I've gotten out of it: I like you, Jensen. I like you a lot. I miss you and when you did what you did- the interview and everything- it... it floored me. I never in a million years thought I'd live to see that, but here we are. Here you are." Jared trailed a finger down Jensen's cheek softly. "I never stopped wanting you in my life, Jen. I want to do this and to hell with everything else."

Jensen cupped Jared's cheek with his hand and kissed him softly. "I like that plan."

"Of course, if you fuck with my head again-"

"You'll rip my balls off?" Jensen suppplied for him.

"No, but Sandy might," Jared told him ruefully. Jensen laughed and pulled Jared close on the lounger.

"Are you sure you're ready for this? Running from paparazzi and seeing your face on the cover of magazines everywhere and people talking about you all the time?" Jensen asked, running his hands up Jared's arms to cup his cheeks.

"As long as I don't have to save you from any more angry mobs in bars the rest is easy. I'll just take my cues from you," Jared murmured and kissed Jensen lovingly under a faint star and bright satellite-filled Los Angeles night sky.

~~~~

"Did you hear what they did in that club? In the bathroom?"

"Oh, whatever. Jared and Jensen weren't even there that night!"

"How would you know?"

"Because they were here spending the holidays with Jared's parents!"

"A ha! I told you guys I saw them at the grocery store! You both laughed at me!"

"Whatever, I still think Jensen had something going on with Lindsay Lohan."

"You keep thinking that, dear."

"I told you two right from the start that he was batting for the other team!"

"Yeah, yeah. Rub it in."

"Okay, well how about Jake Gyllenhaal? There was a story in the Enquirer about them last week! Seriously guys, think about it! Jensen and Jake, they would be totally hot together..."