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I'm portrayed as a villain. A loud mouth who knows it all that doesn’t know how to be classy or quiet. To some of my teammates I’m an unapproachable loner. To others I’m just there. I'm a hero if I make a save, but I’m put to shame if we lose. To my team I’m a casualty, a disaster waiting to happen but a necessary evil. To her I’m the most vulnerable, shy, loving person she’s ever met. But I’m also her dirty little secret hidden behind closed doors and locked windows.
I vaguely remember the beginning stages of our courtship. It was filled with teenage flirtations that I thought would never blossom into more. She made the first move. She had to. I was there for soccer nothing more nothing less. I was there to win championships not to fall in love. She was more willing to explore.
The first time she sat next to me in a team meeting, I knew something was up but I decided to ignore it. Little did I know, that it was only the beginning. She was unafraid to explore her attraction to me, unafraid to make this more than just soccer. After that it was a little tap here and there. She began talking to me, laughing at my very subtle humor. We talked for hours about everything and nothing at all.
I can pinpoint the exact time I fell for her. It was right after the world cup. We were doing a lot of press together. She was the new breakout star and I was the fiery goalie always speaking her mind. We were in a hotel room, just the two of us, and she asked me about my dad. Usually I’m very open about my childhood, if people want to judge then let them do so. I don’t care. But with her it was different. I didn’t want her to see me differently, but I also wanted her to know me, all of me. I began telling her everything, things that my own family doesn’t know.
She sat there, absorbing everything I told her. She cried with me, laughed with me, and was angry with me. I finished and we just sat there staring at each other before she kissed me. From that kiss on, I was hers.
“I hate that were going to be apart during Christmas.” I say as we cuddle in her bed with the faint sound of a movie in the background.
“I hate it too, but my mom wants me home and your nephew already demanded that you be in attendance.” Alex replied.
“I know your right, but what’s stopping us from meeting up after Christmas. We still have two weeks off before we go back, we should just spend them together.”
“I’d love too, but I already promised Kelley I’d go surfing with her up north. We already booked everything for the whole week.” She said to me gently
“How about I join you. I promise to still let you have quality best friend time but I really want to be with you.”
She sighs, “ Babe you know we can’t do that,”
“Why can’t we? Is it because ill be intruding or because you want to continue hiding this relationship?”
“Hope you know the answer to that. Look I don’t want to start another fight about this. Can we just drop it?” She says sternly as she removes herself from my embrace and storms out the room.
We’ve been having this ongoing fight recently. She wants to keep us a secret and I just want to tell someone, anyone. We were arguing for a whole week after I asked if I could at least tell my mom, or Carli. But she wouldn’t hear it then and she’s not hearing it now.
I sigh and get up from the bed and walk out the room towards the living area. She’s on the balcony thinking. That’s where she goes if she wants to be alone or away from me. I lightly tap on the glass door. She doesn’t acknowledge me but I walk out anyway.
“I get why you don’t want to tell anyone, I really do.” I say as a peace offering. “ You’re the star of the team, you’re walking around feeling like you have the weight of the franchise on your shoulders, and to be quite honest you do. I know that feeling, I remember it well. But the difference between the way you handle it and the way I did, the difference between you and me is, you actually care what people think about you, and I can careless. I don’t need people to like me to know I’m a damn good soccer player. You on the other hand want people to like you, you want to be everyone’s friend.”
“What point are you trying to make Hope? I'm sorry if I like to be friendly and cordial to everyone so they all don’t walk around secretly afraid of me, or hating me like they do you.”
“The point I’m trying to make Alex is that I can yell from the rooftop how much I’m in love with you because I don’t care. I just want to tell my mom how much you frustrate me and then just flash a smile and I’m like putty in your hands. I want to tell my best friend how the most adorable thing I have ever seen is the crinkle you get in your nose when your upset and how I try so hard not to laugh or smile when your mad at me. I don’t need to tell the whole world, I know your not ready for that yet, but I really want to tell those two how utterly and completely head over heels in love with you I am.”
She stares at me with wide eyes that begin to well up with tears. I start thinking over what I just said to make her want to cry. Then it hits me. I told her I love her. We have never said those words to each other. Suddenly my breathing becomes labored and I’m gasping for air. I grab on to the balcony rail and slide down to the floor.
“ I can’t believe I just said that. Forget everything I just said,” I tell her with labored breaths.
“What if I don’t want to forget Hope? What if I’m just as in love with you as you are with me, because I am? Hope Solo, I am utterly and completely head over heels in love with you.”
“You are,” I replied not ready to believe it, to believe her.
“ I am. I love you Hope Solo.” She says before she kisses me, somehow restoring all the breath to my body but leaving me breathless aswell.
We head into the stadium for our last victory tour game before the Christmas break. Were about to head into the locker room, when she grabs my hand and links my fingers with hers.
“Alex, what are you doing?” I ask confused
“Not caring what other people think about me and showing off the amazing girl I love to my teammates.”
I don’t think I’ve ever loved her more than in that moment. We walked into the locker room hand in hand, with our heads held high and love in our hearts.
FIN