Chapter Text
Yamaguchi Tadashi didn’t have friends. He no longer had a family. He didn’t have an interesting life.
Yamaguchi Tadashi had a small apartment off campus. He had a boring job with annoying hours. He had a spot in a good university that his awful job barely paid for.
Yamaguchi Tadashi wanted to change his life, but had no idea how.
~*~
Other than the crippling loneliness, the worst part of having no friends was that he couldn’t ask them to model for his photographs, and always had to find a way around it when the subject relied heavily on human models. It was pathetic.
Yamaguchi tried to keep up with the professor, but art history was so boring to him and he had had a late shift the night before, having to cram some studying in after so he didn’t get to sleep until it was practically time for him to get up.
Taking morning classes had been a necessary evil. He had to work afternoons and nights at the store, so unfortunately it was the only plausible course of action.
He suffered until the end of the lecture, bolting as soon as he had the chance. His next shift was in an hour and he wanted to squeeze in a cup of coffee from his favourite café before being trapped in customer service hell for hours on end.
His favourite café was a little place off campus which looked like it was falling apart on the outside, but was quite cosy on the inside. If he had enough courage, he would ask the owner if he could take some photos of it.
“The usual, Yamaguchi-kun?” the barista asked when he entered, and Yamaguchi smiled and nodded, before quickly changing his mind.
“Actually, Suga-san, could I get that to go?” Suga grinned and nodded, calling out softly for a white chocolate mocha to go.
Yamaguchi paid, just refraining from wincing at how frivolously he was spending the little money he had, and sat in an armchair, pulled out his phone only so he wouldn’t look too lonely. He glance at Suga occasionally as the older boy absent-mindedly wiped down various services, Yamaguchi being the only customer in the little café.
Maybe if Yamaguchi weren’t so shy, he could strike up a conversation with Suga. They could slowly become friends through his frequent visits, and Yamaguchi wouldn’t be so lonely. But he was shy, and he couldn’t do that. So he took his order when it was ready, offering Suga no more than a friendly smile, and left.
When Yamaguchi would look back on the upcoming incident, he would realise that it wasn’t, in fact, his fault. Rather, the tall blonde was too busy scowling at his phone to notice Yamaguchi exiting the café, and ran into him.
Now, since it was the blonde’s fault, it would have been fair that Yamaguchi’s drink spilt all over him. But, as people are told countless times, life isn’t fair, and so Yamaguchi ended up on the floor, covered in his white chocolate mocha. His hot white chocolate mocha.
“Sorry,” he blurted out, too disoriented from falling to know who was responsible for the incident, but sure that it was somehow his fault.
The blonde looked down at him, looming over almost threateningly, before simply wrinkling his nose and walking off, leaving Yamaguchi on the floor, covered in a white chocolate mocha with half an hour until his shift started.
Yamaguchi wasn’t prepared for something like that to happen. He was an easy five minute walk from his work, and a ten minute walk from his home. He had yet to change into his work uniform, which was in his bag, so he would have a change of clothes once he arrived at work.
The problem was his hair, which had somehow become doused in his drink. He wondered if he could get away with it – it would feel awful, but if it dried quickly it would have to be fine. And there are worse things to smell like than chocolate and coffee.
Sighing, Yamaguchi got to his feet and started off for his work in his stained clothes and wet hair.
~*~
“What happened to you?” Yamaguchi asked as soon as he arrived at the 24-hour supermarket he worked at.
Kenma was sitting on pile of boxes in their storeroom, playing on his PSP, not looking up even to speak to him. Yamaguchi wondered how he even noticed him enter, and how he noticed the state he was in.
“Someone knocked into me and I spilt my drink over myself,” he explained, and Kenma hummed in response, immediately dropping the conversation. Yamaguchi sighed and headed to the bathroom, changing quickly despite having plenty of time before his shift started.
Yamaguchi envied Kenma’s job as a stockperson, not having to deal with customers and frequently finishing his duties early. He was on registers that afternoon, working from three until nine.
Having worked in customer service for so long, he had grown to hate all customers. The rude ones made him feel bad, the polite ones were fake, the chatty ones wanted to start conversations he wanted no part in, and the quiet ones made him feel uneasy. It was the development of the ability to despise someone within an instant of meeting them that he hated most about his job.
Half an hour before his shift ended, Yamaguchi was dead on his feet, looking around the store blearily. It was almost empty, and reminded Yamaguchi of the pointlessness of a 24-hour shop.
A loud voice was talking from a little ways away, and Yamaguchi almost appreciate the way that it kept him awake. The owner of the voice appeared from an isle – nobody that Yamaguchi recognised, but he was followed someone that Yamaguchi was sure was the guy from earlier that day.
His friend, a tall guy with a ridiculous black bedhead, smirked at him as he began unloading his basket. The mass amount of chips and alcohol showed what they would be up to that weekend.
“I’m going to need to see ID,” Yamaguchi said timidly, having to cut off the (very one-sided) conversation the two of them were having.
The ID he was showed that the black haired man’s name was Kuroo Tetsurou, and he had turned 20 earlier in the year. Technically Yamaguchi was supposed to check both of their ID’s, but the blonde didn’t offer one, and his expression made Yamaguchi so reluctant to ask that he just started scanning the items.
“I’m telling you, Tsukki, you’ll have fun,” Kuroo was saying, and Yamaguchi had to hold back a snicker, because that tall, intimidating man was being called such a cute nickname and he seemed to hate it.
“You and Bokuto are just going to get drunk and want to do something stupid, and Akaashi and I are going to have to follow you around and make sure you don’t. That isn’t my definition of fun, Kuroo.” Despite Tsukki’s icey tone, Kuroo laughed and slapped him on the back, going to pay when he realised Yamaguchi was done, and Yamaguchi told him the price.
“Are you in uni… Yamaguchi?” Kuroo asked, squinting at his nametag for a second.
“Yeah, I’m at the University of Tokyo,” Yamaguchi said as he handed Kuroo his bags.
“That’s where Tsukki and I are too!” Kuroo said as if it weren’t the only university close by. “What’s your major?” Yamaguchi held back a sigh. Rarely did any of the chatty ones want to talk after he’d given them their groceries.
“Photography,” he replied dully, too tired to fake politeness. Kuroo’s eyes lit up and his sleazy smirk came back.
“You know what they say about photographers – they have big telephoto lens,” he said, and Yamaguchi had to force down a blush. He knew he was being teased and couldn’t let them think it was getting to him.
“Let’s go, Kuroo,” Tsukki said, and Yamaguchi agreed.
“We have to wait for Kenma’s shift to end,” Kuroo argued, and Yamaguchi barely held back from groaning aloud. Kenma finished at the same time as him, and he didn’t want to be stuck with the two of them until the end of his shift,
Tsukki gave no indication of remembering him from earlier in the day, and it annoyed Yamaguchi even further.
“Besides, I can think up more photographer pick-up lines,” Kuroo was saying while Tsukki gave him a bland look.
“The perfect thing to do while waiting for your boyfriend,” he deadpanned, and Yamaguchi couldn’t help but snicker behind his hand. The action drew the attention of both Tsukki and Kuroo.
“We’ve finally found someone who thinks your funny, Tsukki,” Kuroo said delightedly, and Tsukki gave him the same bored expression.
Yamaguchi couldn’t really believe that Kenma would date someone like Kuroo. He supposed they would probably look good together, but other than that, he couldn’t see how the loud and irritating man appealed to Yamaguchi’s quiet co-worker. Well, apparently opposites attract.
“Wait, I’ve got another one,” Kuroo said, turning back to Yamaguchi, “I’ll flash you if you flash me.” Yamaguchi wrinkled his nose as Kuroo laughed, wondering if this was workplace harassment.
“You’re disgusting,” Tsukki commented and Kuroo shushed him.
“How about we go into a dark room and see what develops?” Kuroo continued.
“I’m sorry for leaving you with him,” Kenma said from the side, and Yamaguchi could’ve cried in relief that he was there. “I would’ve warned you if I knew he was coming.” Kenma eyed Kuroo distastefully.
“C’mon, Kenma, you love my pick-up lines!” Kuroo whined, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend.
“I though he agreed to go out with you if you stopped using your pick-up lines,” Tsukki said, and Yamaguchi’s lips twitched up slightly.
“Yeah, and that’s why I have to use my charm and hilarity on others,” Kuroo said confidently, and Kenma sighed.
“Stop harassing my co-worker and wait outside,” he said, turning back around and leaving without waiting for a response.
“It’s raining,” Kuroo called after him, sighing when he didn’t get a response.
Kuroo did stop talking to him, leaning against the wall with Tsukki – who had put on his headphones – and playing on his phone for the remainder of Yamaguchi and Kenma’s shifts.
Unfortunately for Yamaguchi, who had a fifteen minute walk home, it was still raining when his shift was over and he hadn’t thought to bring an umbrella.
Can I have a ride? he would’ve asked to Kuroo and Kenma, who were getting into a car, if only he were more confident. Instead, he set out in the rain, chocolate from his hair streaking down his face and his clothes so wet he may as well have jumped in a pool. Perfect.
~*~
Sometimes, Yamaguchi was so lonely that it hurt. That he wanted to do nothing more than curl up into a ball and cry. There were a few things that could set this off.
Sometimes he would see something funny and pull out his phone, before remembering he had nobody to text.
Sometimes he would see good friends laughing together or families creating happy memories and be reminded he didn’t have that.
And then, every Tuesday, when he had a half hour break from 12 to 12:30 between two classes, he would sit alone in the university cafeteria and wish he were any one of the other people there, sitting and eating with friends.
Yamaguchi had never been lucky with friends. He was bullied when he was younger – originally because of his freckles, and eventually for everything he did, just because there was nobody there to stop them, and he was too pathetic to do it himself.
Sometimes he wonders why he hadn’t made friends when he went to university. Whether it was because he had no experience at it, or he was too quiet, or too annoying, or too ugly.
Whatever it was, it was the reason he was sitting alone at a table, bent over his lunch and feeling like he wanted to die.
“Can we sit here or are you waiting for people?” Yamaguchi heard a familiar voice ask, and he looked over his shoulder to see Kuroo smirking down at him. He shrugged and allowed him to interpret it however he wanted, turning back to his lunch and wishing he had eaten quicker. Or that he had found a smaller table.
Kuroo had four people with him – Kenma, Tsukki, and two people Yamaguchi was sure he had seen around before, but didn’t know who they were.
“This is Bokuto and Akaashi,” Kuroo introduced, making a sweeping gesture to two of his friends. Yamaguchi nodded slowly, not sure why he was being introduced. Kuroo waited a few moments before sighing dramatically. “This is Yamaguchi. He works with Kenma and is a photography major.”
“I think we have a class together,” either Bokuto or Akaashi said, studying him with intelligent eyes. When Yamaguchi actually looked directly at him, he realised he did have a class with him. Akaashi Keiji. They had never spoken, but Akaashi was so pretty that Yamaguchi didn’t think he would ever forget his name. He was hardly going to tell him that though.
“Yeah – art history,” he said instead, looking back down to his food and eating so he wouldn’t be drawn into a conversation. Although, from what he knew of the other boy, that didn’t seem likely.
Listening to them converse was fascinating. When he was around Bokuto, Kuroo seemed to get a lot more enthusiastic, and kind of dumber. They would dominate the conversations – or rather, they would just talk loudly – and Tsukki (who Yamaguchi found out was actually called Tsukishima), Kenma, and Akaashi would talk more quietly amongst themselves, only getting roped into the other boy’s conversation when prompted.
Yamaguchi tried to eat faster than he normally would without looking like he was desperate for a chance to escape.
Yamaguchi finished his food, checked his watch, and winced. He still had fifteen minutes until he was meant to be in his next class, which would’ve been fine if the class weren’t art history and Akaashi wasn’t able to call him out for it.
Why would he though? Yamaguchi thought to himself, surveying the chatting group. They didn’t sit with me because they want to be friends, they sat with me because it was the only table free. They’re probably praying for me to leave.
With this is mind, Yamaguchi stood, hesitating for a moment on whether or not he should announce he was leaving, before deciding to just go, stopping by the bin on the way out of the cafeteria to throw out his rubbish.
Yamaguchi hadn’t wanted them to care about him leaving, and yet it still stung a little that they didn’t.
Arriving early at his art history class, he just sat in the lecture hall while waiting for others to show up, playing games on his phone in his usual seat.
Due to the low number of students taking art history, the room used wasn’t one of the large auditoriums, rather a smaller, high school classroom-esque room which irked Yamaguchi for two reasons/ The first being it reminded him of his high school days, which he tried his best to forget, and the second being that the desks were not only paired off in twos, but that there was no kind of seating arrangement. And so every class, Yamaguchi sat by himself.
It’s because of this that he started, almost dropping his phone when he saw somebody slip into the chair next to his five minutes before the lecture was supposed to start. Turning slightly, he saw it was Akaashi, which made slightly more, but still not very much sense. He usually sat closer to the front with a guy with a blonde Mohawk.
“I’m going to give you a warning,” Akaashi said, voice quiet and making Yamaguchi’s stomach flutter with nerves at the thought of the end of the sentence. Back off my friends, don’t presume we’re suddenly pals, don’t suddenly start talking to Kenma more at work. “Kuroo is probably going to start showing up around you more.”
That wasn’t what Yamaguchi expected, and did nothing to soothe him. Why would he do that? Is he trying to tease me? Lure me away so he can beat me up? Does he think I’m after Kenma?
“Why?” Yamaguchi managed to choke out around his confusion and uncertainty.
“Sometimes he meets someone and won’t rest until he gets to know them better. If he’s too much, ask me or Kenma and we might be able to rein him in.”
Yamaguchi nodded dumbly, holding his tongue while he mentally ran through his schedule. He reassured himself that he didn’t have any classes with Kuroo, but it wouldn’t stop him approaching at lunch, or at his work. Surely Kuroo wouldn’t go too out of his way just for Yamaguchi?
“Don’t look so worried,” Akaashi said with the ghost of a smile, “he’s not as bad as you might think.” With that, Akaashi turned forward and began pulling things out of his bag, preparing for the lecture and effectively ending the conversation.
Yamaguchi couldn’t relax for the whole lecture. He didn’t know why, but he made sure to be first out of the room, still shoving things in his bag as he left the room.
He looked up and managed to just stop himself before running into – Kuroo. Yamaguchi swallowed, nervous but he didn’t know why. He knew what Akaashi had said, but surely Kuroo was there for Akaashi?
Kuroo smirked when he saw him, holding his shoulder to steady him. “Just who I was looking for,” he said, and Yamaguchi saw Kuroo’s friends over Kuroo’s shoulder, some of them lening against the wall with others standing in front, all of them carrying a quiet conversation. Yamaguchi’s eyes snapped back to Kuroo when his eyes briefly met Tsukki – Tsukishima’s.
Kuroo pulled him out of the way of the other students leaving the room, Yamaguchi seeing Akaashi going over to his friends.
“Why?” Yamaguchi didn’t even manage to get out the whole question. He bit down on his tongue and cursed himself for being so awful at talking to people.
“What are you doing this weekend?” Kuroo asked, and it almost sounded like Kuroo was asking him on a date, except Kuroo was dating Kenma, and Yamaguchi was… Yamaguchi.
Yamaguchi ran through all of the excuses he could – he could say he was working, except Kenma might know he was lying. Obviously he didn’t have any classes, and it was too early in the school year for any tests that might take up his weekend.
“I’m visiting my family,” Yamaguchi said before he could think, the silence going on a moment too long. Yamaguchi almost winced at the lie he told, but managed to hold it back. These people didn’t know his family hadn’t spoken to him since he came out.
When he pulled himself out of his own thoughts and into reality, he saw Kuroo frowning at him. He tried not to fidget, but really wanted to leave. It was one of the first weekdays he didn’t have work or too much studying to do in months, so he was keen to go home as soon as possible and take advantage of his afternoon free.
“What are you doing this afternoon, then?” Kuroo asked, and Yamaguchi didn’t have an excuse, but he also didn’t want to go along with whatever he was planning. He didn’t want to annoy Kuroo’s friends by tagging along with them somewhere. He didn’t want to start to enjoy himself if their company only to be cast aside when Kuroo realised how painfully average he was.
“Why?” he asked again when he couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“We’re off to the Lodge and we wanted you to come with,” Kuroo said, and Yamaguchi barely held back a scoff. The Lodge was the most popular bar and was always swamped with students, and Yamaguchi highly doubted that any of Kuroo’s friends wanting him going with them.
“I don’t drink,” he said, which wasn’t a complete lie. He didn’t have money to waste on alcohol, and even if he did, the thought of drinking alone in his small apartment was depressing.
“You don’t have to – not everything they serve is alcoholic,” Kuroo said with a raised eyebrow, as if he suspected that he had never been to a bar before. Which would be true. “You’re too young to drink anyway,” he tacked on. Like most of your friends aren’t, Yamaguchi wanted to snark back, but held back.
Yamaguchi knew that with someone like Kuroo, it would be best to be direct. “Thanks for the offer, but…” Yamaguchi swallowed, trying to build up the courage to tell the truth. “I don’t want to go.” Yamaguchi almost felt proud of himself before he crushed the feeling down. Being able to express yourself like a normal human being isn’t anything to be proud of he scolded himself.
“But-” Kuroo started, looking bewildered, as if he couldn’t believe Yamaguchi would turn him down.
“Don’t try and bully the guy into coming,” Tsukki – Tsukishima – cut him off, sneering. Yamaguchi bet he – like the rest of them - was thrilled he wouldn’t be going.
Yamaguchi’s eyes darted to the floor, any of the courage he had leaving him, and suddenly he felt bone tired and like he wanted to cry. He didn’t know why, which just made the urge stronger.
Kuroo turned to scrutinise Tsukishima for a moment and turned back. Then he shrugged at Yamaguchi and left with his friends, not sparing Yamaguchi another word.
Yamaguchi dragged himself home, free afternoon ruined as he cried without reason until his head hurt and he fell asleep.
~*~
Kuroo didn’t bother him for the rest of the week and Yamaguchi had to assume his rejection had put him off. Yamaguchi should’ve felt happy about that, but he felt even worse than usual. When the weekend arrived, he wished he actually was going home to see his family.
Both of his siblings had graduated university, but stayed in Miyagi around his parents. His older brother was married, and for all he knew could have a kid by now. His older sister had been in a serious relationship with a good job, and could be married. Yamaguchi wouldn’t’ve been invited to the wedding.
His parents were proud of his siblings. They had had such high expectations for him, and he had been a disappointment. He thought he could make up for it – make up for being gay by getting good grades. Thankfully those good grades were enough to get him a scholarship into the University of Tokyo, since his parents wouldn’t give him a penny.
Yamaguchi couldn’t make himself leave his apartment. There was a nagging worry that someone who knew Kuroo would see him and he would be found out, but he knew he was just making excuses. He had nothing to do, no friends to go out with, and even if he did, he was lazy and tired and didn’t want to do anything. On Saturday night, he had to spare a moment to think and realise he hadn’t eaten anything throughout the day.
He unwillingly dragged himself out of bed, making himself a bowl of dry cereal – he was out of milk – because it was easy and convenient. It stuck in his throat and made him want to throw up, but he forced himself to eat it. He had to at least somewhat take care of himself.
He sat on the couch for a while, doing nothing, thinking nothing. He eventually snapped himself out of his state of apathy, dragging himself to his bed and, at only 8 o’clock, falling asleep.
~*~
Yamaguchi knew he slept too much on the weekend. He excused himself for it by telling himself he barely got any sleep during the week, but really, sleep was just easy. He didn’t have to do anything, he didn’t have to think, it was practically death without the commitment.
Even so, when Yamaguchi was awoken by a knock on the door at noon the next day, he could almost it was getting a bit out of hand.
His grogginess gave him a few moments of piece before worry jolted through him. Nobody came to visit him. He wasn’t doing anything that the neighbours would complain about. He hadn’t ordered anything.
Begrudgingly, he answered the door in his pyjamas, surprised to see Kenma standing in front of him. “Please don’t tell Kuroo I lied to him,” he said before he could think, wincing at his words. Of course Kenma would tell him.
“Why did you lie to him?” Kenma asked as he walked inside, inviting himself in. He made himself comfortable on Yamaguchi’s sofa while Yamaguchi dithered hopelessly.
“I don’t want to make friends just to be abandoned,” he responded eventually, shifting from foot to foot. Kenma regarded him coolly for a few seconds, his gaze unreadable.
“Why would you be abandoned? Kuroo seems to like you.” Yamaguchi didn’t know if Kenma meant the for some reason that he heard tacked onto the end.
“Akaashi says that he does this a lot. You guys have a pretty small group.”
“Most people get sick of Kuroo. Or Bokuto. Or both. Some can’t handle Tsukishima. But I stuck around, and so did Akaashi, and we haven’t been abandoned. And it’s not as though you’ve met all of Kuroo’s friends.”
“Why are you here?” Yamaguchi said abruptly, cringing to himself at his rudeness. Kenma didn’t look bothered.
“You don’t have any friends. Kuroo is offering. I didn’t understand.” Why I rejected or why he’s offering, Yamaguchi wondered, but didn’t ask.
“Only Kuroo is offering,” Yamaguchi said instead, knowing he didn’t make sense. Kenma seemed to understand what he was saying though.
“Kuroo is a good judge of character. If he wants you to be friends with us, everyone knows you’ll fit in well. I know,” Kenma looked flustered for a moment, clearing his throat and fiddling with his jumper sleeve, “I know we’ve been co-workers for a while and I haven’t tried to talk to you much, but…”
Yamaguchi thought he understood, and nodded. Kenma looked relieved. Neither of them were very outgoing, and Yamaguchi couldn’t fault Kenma when he himself hadn’t made an attempt to befriend the other boy.
“Anyway, we’re all meeting up tonight – nothing stupid, just a quiet night with pizza and video games – at Kuroo’s place. I’ll give you the address. Please consider coming,” Kenma said. He wrote the address on a piece of paper and left after giving Yamaguchi a small smile and asking him one again to consider it.
Yamaguchi picked up the address, staring at it until the words became blurry, and he sat down hevily on the chair. He didn’t know how to feel.