Chapter Text
It had been a long two days.
Felicity sat curled up on her couch in her favorite hoodie and boxer shorts intently watching the news. The male news reporter talked animatedly about the attempted murder of Helena’s father the night before at an FBI safe house - the safe house that she had found for the troubled young woman.
Her glass of wine sat completely forgotten on the coffee table as she listened, absorbed in the news of something she had unwillingly helped create. Three men were dead, three others in the hospital with critical wounds - one of them, Detective McKenna Hall - Oliver’s girlfriend.
She had tried calling Oliver the night before when she and Diggle sat in the Foundry watching everything go down as she hacked into the FBI’s scanners and airwaves. Her stomach had heaved every time she heard a body count.
It wasn’t her fault. She knew that, logically, it wasn’t her fault. She’d believed Oliver when he told her just that after rescuing her from her bonds on the floor of her office. But a small piece of her couldn’t help the guilt she felt. She had played a role in this regardless of if her participation was under duress - a crossbow pointed at her head.
Most of her thoughts, however, were focused on Oliver. He hadn’t shown up back at the Foundry before Diggle finally insisted on taking her home. He hadn’t replied to her texts or returned her message she’d left for him early that morning. Digg told her that he would be okay, and she knew he would - she just found herself worrying about him more and more over the past few months that she had been working with him. Now that she knew who he was and what he did - the danger element in her life had skyrocketed and right along with it came her growing worry for a man she didn’t even know seven months ago.
Half of the time she wanted to smack him with his own bow for the way he made her worry. She already had enough to agonize over with Walter’s disappearance, she didn’t need to add him to her list as well.
Caring for a man like Oliver Queen would only get her hurt.
She did it anyway.
A knock on her door sent her jumping into the air, and she had to scold herself for the nerves that had plagued her since her run in with Helena.
Padding over to the door, she peaked through the peep hole and quickly undid the locks when she saw Oliver standing on the other side.
Wrenching the door open, she took in his haggard appearance. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, his eyes were weary, and dark circles were apparent even in the shadows cast by the dim lighting of the hallway.
He glanced up at her, his expression a mix of guilt, apprehension, and exhaustion. She didn’t hesitate to open her door further and usher him in without a single word spoken.
She closed and locked the door behind him, turning to look at him questioningly. He quickly glanced around her apartment before finding her eyes again and opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out.
“Oliver?” she finally whispered, and that seemed to break him out of his stupor.
“Felicity...” he sighed, taking a few steps toward her. “How are you?” The concern in his voice was genuine and she smiled softly wanting to alleviate some of that worry.
“I’m fine, Oliver,” she responded quickly. “You, on the other hand, look horrible.”
He let out a gruff snort, but his lips curved upward.
Felicity cringed when she heard what she'd said, “I’m sorry. That was blunt. Not that you don’t look good because well you always look good, it’s just you look tired and like you haven’t seen a bed in a few days...”
Her face burned when she realized she’d only added to her embarrassment, and instead of waiting for his reply, she darted past him and into the kitchen area, pouring him a glass of her red wine.
She heard him approach her as she finished and she almost dropped the bottle when she felt his fingers brush against her wrist. Looking down she noticed he was caressing the area that was still a bit red and bruised from the ties that Helena had wrapped tightly around her skin.
Shakily, she set the bottle back on the counter and turned to face him, finding him much closer than she expected.
“Felicity...” he began softly, his eyes finally reaching hers after she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. She'd never seen him quite like this. He seemed almost hesitant, quiet - not the commanding presence she was used to.
She held on to his hand, running her fingers over his knuckles soothingly, “It’s not your fault, Oliver...despite the fact that you actually dated her once...” she rolled her eyes, trying to ease some of the tension. But when she saw it wasn’t working, she tried a different tactic.
“Hey, you came, right? I’m fine. I promise.”
“But I should have been there before. I should have know she would come to you after she found out you could hack the FBI database,” he sighed, scrubbing his free hand across his face, his stubble longer than usual, and Felicity found her thoughts straying to how it would feel against her fingers.
“You have no idea how terrified I was when I heard Helena’s voice in the background of your message...”
Oliver let out a long sigh and Felicity’s heart fluttered at the concern for her.
“I’ve been doing a pretty lousy job of keeping the people I care about safe,” he added, angrily. A spark of something flashed through his eyes. It was the first glance of the usual Oliver Queen that she’d seen tonight.
“You’re doing the best you can, Oliver,” Felicity replied, tugging on his hand and leading him over to the couch. “I mean, you’re only trying to balance your regular life, run a club, be there for your family, and be The Hood at the same time...clowns would have trouble juggling that many things...”
He frowned at her, his brow crinkling in a way that made Felicity smile as he tried to follow her train of thought.
Shaking his head, he sank down into the couch cushions and gratefully accepted the glass of wine Felicity handed to him before joining him, making sure to put a bit of space between them.
A voice from the television reporting on the condition of Detective Hall caused Oliver to tense and Felicity quickly reached for the remote, silencing it.
“How is she?” Felicity asked quietly, taking a sip of her wine.
Oliver grimaced and ran his hand through his hair, “She’s going to be fine, but she’s got a shattered femur.”
Felicity’s eyes widened, “That’s a lot of rehab...” she whispered.
He raised an eyebrow at her sudden medical knowledge and she just shrugged, “I have a lot of useless facts up here,” she said, pointing to her head. “Don’t ask me how I remember the things I read sometimes...I just do...”
Nodding, Oliver continued, “She’s going to go live with her sister in Coast City so she can go to the best rehab facility in the country...”
Realizing that this meant she was leaving town, Felicity found herself reaching out to cover his hand with her own once more, “I’m sorry, Oliver. I know how much you...cared for her.”
Those words were harder to say than she thought they would be for some reason, but she brushed it off, ignoring the odd feeling in the pit of her stomach.
He smiled sadly. “It was never going to work.”
Felicity cocked her head to the side, and Oliver pinned her with a knowing look. “Come on, you and Diggle only told me how many times that dating the cop that was trying to hunt me down wasn’t a good idea.”
Feeling a twinge of remorse, Felicity tightened her grip on his hand, “Yeah, but you really did care for her.”
Oliver took a deep breath, and nodded. “Except I could never be myself with her. I was always lying or apologizing, or both.”
“I’m not exactly an expert in the dating department,” Felicity began, wondering where her mouth was going to take her this time, but unable to stop the flow of words to try and comfort this man who had become a very good friend in such a short amount of time, “but those are two things that probably shouldn’t happen a lot in a relationship. You’ll find someone who will accept you for everything you are, and then you won’t have to lie or apologize to them for being yourself.”
When she looked up, she found him staring at her intently. Her cheeks flushed and she cleared her throat, wondering if she said something she shouldn’t have. Realizing her hand was still covering his, she quickly removed it and stood, needing to do something because she wasn’t sure she could stand the intensity of his gaze for much longer.
As soon as she stood, she felt a hand on her wrist and glanced back at Oliver - his fingers warm against the her skin.
“Thank you.”
The sincerity of his voice caused a flutter in her stomach, and she returned the smile he gave her before moving to the kitchen to retrieve the bottle of wine. Her wrist burned where he’d touched just moments before and she tried to ignore the feelings rising within her.
After replenishing both of their glasses, she turned the television back on and flipped to Nick at Nite, thankful that FRIENDS was still on.
Oliver didn’t say anything but Felicity was comfortable in the silence that had settled between them. Joining him on the couch, she found herself chuckling at Joey and Chandler as they argued over the chair in Monica’s apartment.
“Chandler was always my favorite,” she murmured turning to look at Oliver who she found was watching her with a smile on his face.
“I always liked Monica,” he replied, his voice not much more than a murmur.
Felicity cocked an eyebrow at him in surprise, smiling.
A half and hour later, Felicity turned to comment on something that had happened only to find Oliver’s eyes closed and his chest rising and falling steadily. He was fast asleep, and actually looked peaceful.
Not sure what to do, she debated waking him or just letting him rest. Finally settling on the latter, she quickly dialed Diggle’s number, knowing he’d probably driven Oliver over to her place.
“Good,” was Diggle’s only reply when she told him. “The man needs it. Let him sleep, Felicity.”
“Diggle...” Felicity began hesitantly just as they were about to hang up, “Why did he come here tonight?”
“What do you mean?” Diggle responded, and she could hear the confusion in his voice.
“I mean, he could go anywhere, home to his family, or to work out at the Foundry or to Tommy...why did he come here...” It was a question she’d been asking herself since he’d shown up at her door. All she had been expecting was a phone call, not a visit followed by easy conversation. It wasn’t that she was un-happy he’d come, of course...
Diggle sighed, “He wanted to make sure you were okay, Felicity. And I think, maybe, he wanted to be somewhere that he didn’t have to pretend for one night...”
Letting those words sink in, Felicity smiled, before adding, “Next time you can come up too, you know.”
Diggle chuckled, “I had to take Carly home anyway,” he told her, “Plus, I wasn’t the one he wanted to see...”
“Goodnight, Felicity,” he said and he hung up quickly, leaving Felicity to wonder what he'd meant by his words.
Deciding she would think about it later, she plugged her phone into the charger and found a blanket to place over Oliver before making her way to her own bed and crawling under the covers, willing sleep to come easily.
***
A yell from the living room woke her, and she glanced at her clock before reaching to her bedside table for the taser hidden in the drawer. It was one more precaution she had invested in after Walter had been kidnapped.
Another shout from the other room fully woke her and she realized she recognized the voice as Oliver’s.
Slipping from her bed, she ran into her main room and found Oliver thrashing around on the couch, sweat pouring down his face, as he fought off what sounded like a horrible nightmare.
Approaching him carefully, she hesitantly reached out a hand to wake him. Her brain immediately told her this was not going to end well, but she needed to stop his cries that made her cringe at the desperation in his voice.
She had barely touched his shoulder when she found herself being pulled down by two strong hands, Oliver’s full body weight covering her, and flattened her and pressing her down against the couch cushions.
“Oliver!” she cried, trying to wake him. His eyes blinked open, staring down at her. He shook his head, and she could see the confusion in his sleep-laden eyes.
“Oliver,” she repeated his name, this time softer, wanting to him to know he was safe.
A few seconds later, the fog completely cleared and his eyes widened in shock. He loosened his hold of her hands that were pinned above her head and scrambled backwards on the couch to the other end.
Taking a deep breath, Felicity waited as the shock wore off and she was able to think again. Her body tingled with the lingering feeling of Oliver’s body flush with hers.
“Felicity...” He groaned shakily, hands covering his face. His voice was broken and frayed at the edges, and her heart ached for him.
She slowly sat up, brushing the hair that had come loose from her ponytail back over her shoulder.
“It’s okay,” she reassured him. “I just didn’t know what to do...I figured that approach wouldn’t be the safest...but I also knew you wouldn’t hurt me.”
Oliver chuckled wryly, “I wish I had your confidence. When I’m lost in those dreams...there’s no telling what I will do. I put my own mother in a choke-hold the first night I was back from the island.”
Felicity shivered involuntarily, but something in her gut told her she was still safe with him.
“You’re back there.” She realized, her eyes finding his in the darkness of the room.
She didn’t need verbal confirmation to know she was right. The look on her face told her the truth.
“I’ve had nightmare’s like that...not that I know what you went through on that island, but I’ve had those onrd where you just want to wake up and you can’t because you’re trapped and they just play your worst fear over and over until you almost can’t take it...”
Stopping, she took a deep breath, realizing she’d just blurted out something she hadn’t planned on telling anyone, especially not Oliver Queen.
“I should stop talking now...” she finished, jumping up off the couch and heading for the kitchen area. Filling two glasses with water, she returned to the couch, handing Oliver one while she took a long drink of the other.
She felt Oliver’s gaze on her, and glanced up at him. He was watching her with those eyes that she knew meant he was trying to read her; to figure out if he should say something or not.
“Your nightmares,” he finally began carefully, “when did they start?”
She blanched as he asked the question she hoped he wouldn’t. But it was her own fault for not keeping her mouth shut.
Trying to laugh it off, she shrugged her shoulders as she replied, “Oh, you know, right after I had a bomb collar strapped to my neck and your crazy ex-girlfriend held a crossbow to my head...”
The smile on her face was forced and she knew he could tell. His eyes narrowed at her before she saw the guilt flash through them.
“Felicity...” her name was a whispered plea from his lips and she dropped her smile, touching her fingertips to her neck where the collar had rested before realizing what she was doing and moved her hand back to her lap.
“I know what I signed up for,” she tried to tell him, but her voice sounded anything but convincing. “I mean, I guess I didn’t know exactly what I signed up for and I didn’t really sign anything, but you know what I mean...”
She took another breath looking up at him, wanting him to know she meant her next words, “I don’t regret my choice. And it’s not your fault.”
Oliver shook his head, eyes never leaving hers, “You really are remarkable, Felicity Smoak.”
Warmth spanned her cheeks, and she reprimanded herself for being so easily affected by his words.
“Once again, thank you for remarking,” she replied softly, smiling back at him. “You’re pretty remarkable yourself, you know.”
Oliver laughed at that. “No. No, I’m not.”
“Most people wouldn’t have survived what you have,” she told him seriously.
He smiled at her, a genuine Oliver Queen smile that made that warmth grow deep inside her.
No words were spoken for several minutes before he scrubbed a hand over his face and began to stand. “I should go...”
“Why?” Felicity asked bluntly, frowning. “It’s 3 AM, Oliver.”
“And I fell asleep on your couch. Diggle...”
“Went home,” Felicity finished for him. “I called him. You don’t think I would let him sit downstairs waiting all night, do you?”
He let his shoulders fall again, but said nothing, still looking at the door. Felicity spoke up before he could come up with another reason.
“You might as well just stay unless you plan on walking home. You can call Diggle in the morning.” Her tone brooked no argument.
Oliver sank back down to the couch beside her. “I don’t think I’ll be sleeping anymore tonight,” he told her quietly. “Usually don’t after those nightmares.”
Felicity nodded in understanding. “Then a movie it is.”
He looked at her then, a deep crease in his forehead as he wrinkled his brow, “No, you need to sleep. I’ll be fine on my own.”
Felicity just shrugged, glancing to the blank television in front of them. “Maybe you weren’t the only one glad to be woken up.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she knew Oliver heard her. His hand found hers in the darkness and squeezed it tight.
“Wanna talk about it?” he asked.
“Do you?” she countered, knowing the answer before the shuttered look filtered across his face.
“Sorry,” she sighed not meaning to sound so defensive. “It’s just these dreams make me feel...weak. I’m good at what I do. Computers I can hack and defend, but myself...I couldn’t do anything to Helena. She always had the upper hand. Even the few things Diggle has taught me did nothing.”
Oliver let out a breath and suddenly he was in front of her, urging her to look at him with a finger under her chin. “What did she do to you?”
Felicity smiled sadly, “She used her words - exploited my weakness - apparently just like you taught her. She told me you are just using me like you used her because what else could someone like you see in an pathetic IT girl like me. That one day you wouldn't care what happened to me - that you'd betray me.”
She heard the sharp breath that Oliver sucked in and his hand clasped hers tightly. She let his warmth seep into her cold skin, suddenly wishing she had put on her pajama pants instead of just her boxer shorts.
“Felicity...” He started to apologize, but she stopped him.
“Don’t,” she whispered fiercely. “If it’s not my fault, it’s not yours either. It happened. All we can do is move forward.”
She flipped on the tv, bathing them in the bluish glow from the screen. She felt his fingertips on her cheek before she realized she was crying. Dammit, she cursed internally, hating this display of weakness but not surprised. She hadn’t let herself think about what happened since that night...it was only a matter of time.
“She’s wrong.”
His voice was firm and gentle, but rough around the edges that hinted at the emotion he was holding back.
“Felicity, look at me,” he insisted, softly turning her fact to look at him. “You are good at what you do and, yes, I do need that skillset, but I could have chosen anyone. I chose you because you...you make me smile. You stand up to me when most people won’t, and you hold on to your beliefs. You’re stronger than you think. And there's a reason you were my last straw when it came to Helena. I will always protect you.”
By the time he was finished, his face was inches from hers and she sucked in a deep breath at the warmth of his breath against her cheek. Looking down, she allowed her forehead to rest against his, drawing strength and comfort from his presence.
She knew what Helena said had been lies, but they had gnawed at her self-consciousness. Hearing Oliver’s words healed those cracks in her defenses and squashed down those internal fears that had been rising within her since that night.
Normally, she wasn’t the type of person to seek comfort from others, but there was something about Oliver that made her feel safe in his presence. If it was showing weakness, she decided, for a night, she could let down that guard, and curled up against the warmth of his body as he wrapped his arms around her.
A few months ago she wouldn’t have dared to do this - let herself be this way around him. At that point, he was simply an acquaintance, someone she helped with oddly suspicious computer issues. Even after she first learned his secret, she was hesitant around him. His moods could change in the blink of an eye and she was still learning about certain character traits of his including that he certainly did not have a sense of humor when it came to his outfit...
But somehow, in the past few weeks, she’d let herself relax more around him. And she could feel and see the shift in his behavior too. He was slowly letting her in. Something had changed in that moment that she’d heard his voice calling out her name as she laid bound on the floor of her office. His fear was evident as was his concern the moment he’d untied her and brought his hand up to cradle her face. It was an intimate touch, something one did only when there was a certain level of affection and trust. It wasn’t a huge sweeping wave, but a subtle shift in their relationship. No longer were they simple acquaintances or co-workers. They had moved into the realm of friend and confidant. And it felt completely natural, she realized.
She felt Oliver still, for a moment, letting her settle against him, adjusting to the feel of her small frame tucked against his broad one. Soon, he relaxed back into the couch cushions, holding her tightly, and rubbing circles against her back while she grabbed the remote and began flipping through Netflix before deciding on an episode of The Office.
The theme song had barely begun to play before Felicity felt her eyelids grow heavy. The warmth and comfort from Oliver calmed her and let her relax, confident in the fact that she wouldn’t have anymore nightmares tonight.
She had just begun to drift off when she heard Oliver’s voice whisper softly against her ear.
“Thank you.”