Chapter Text
In the two months since the school year finished, you'd gained eighteen pounds, and Dave had lost probably close to the same. At this rate, he'd be back in the hospital in no time at all until he was up to a healthy weight, and you'd be on your own again until he gained ninety pounds.
Which would probably be never.
You'd spend the entire year on your own, and god, you don't know how to cope with that.
Not that it would make a difference. Cope you will, because what other options did you have? You wouldn't hurt yourself, wouldn't try to die, or run away- all you could do is just keep on surviving, because it was the only thing you could do.
You go back to school tomorrow- you normally pick him up on the way to school, but not anymore- his brother didn't like you very much ( you were much too gay for him ) and Dave was fighting with him a lot lately- your presence would just worsen the situation, so you need to stay away. You don't think you have any courses with him either- you don't know for sure though, he hadn't gone on registration day to get his schedule and all that school stuff, because he'd been working.
On top of that, he'd be graduating that year, while you still had two years to go- you'd have to go to school after everybody who made it bearable for you grew up and left.
Bluh.
You just want to be with Dave.
But you can't be.
You don't know what to do anymore and you're so fucking scared.
You just want the world to end already. That way, nobody would have to feel the way you do- nobody would ever be sad or scared or unhappy. Granted, they wouldn't be happy, but everyone would be dead so it wouldn't even matter.
But everybody isn't dead, and it still doesn't matter, because nobody is happy and nobody knows what the fuck they're doing- everybody grows up taught that adults have it together and know what they're doing and are happy- but it's all fucking wrong. Nobody has any fucking clue, and nothing gets easier.
You're so scared to be alive.
You're scared to wake up in the morning and you're scared to survive through the day and you're scared to go to bed at night and you're scared to do this every day for the rest of your stupid awful life.
You don't know what to do anymore.
You just want everything to stop.