Work Text:
Ignorance
I grab my toys from my shelf
and play all by myself.
My little brother tries to get them;
I grab them back before they get icky
‘cause his fingers are still all sticky!
I look around,
Grown-ups,
all dressed up,
move in and out,
(but no one’ll tell me
what this is about).
None of them will help—
that’s for sure.
I’m back to my game
(Pow, pow, fwoosh
it’s Superman and Flash,
they’re both super fast)!
These people
who all rush to our door—
I’ve seen them before.
The faces all look the same.
It’s been so long, but
I never asked for a name,
just ignored it ‘cause
I hear whispers, but
nothing makes sense.
‘Sides if I pretend they’re not here
maybe they’ll finally disappear.
I cross my fingers-
for extra luck,
but I’m still stuck.
They bring nothing but
noises I can’t make clear;
even when I listen hard,
it’s just voices
that sound so sad.
I remember Mommy before,
saying she didn’t feel so good;
is that why all these people are here now?
I don’t like them (so ugly and grey)
and I won’t ‘let them be’!
I creep up to Mommy,
I tug on her sleeve,
Mommy, Mommy can you tell them to leave?
To all go away?
It’s their voices,
they always make me wanna cry.
White coats and treats
from one guy
who patted my head.
I know what this means:
they’re doctors.
What’s this to do with me
and my family?
Mommy’s sick I know
that’s why we never
see her out of bed—
like when I had the flu.
I play by myself, and do all my chores,
trying to find someone else when I’m bored.
But Dad’s “too busy”
and no longer spins me till I get dizzy.
And my little brother still gets petted
All the coos come for him but not me.
Like he’s the only one they see.
But I watch as his cheeks
get pulled and pinched,
glad I’m finally out of this.
Sometimes family comes, just for the day,
to take me somewhere far, far away.
Even when they smile I don’t feel any better.
Something’s always wrong with their eyes
or does a bully make them cry?
And their faces look so wrong
their noses sniffly and red
like me when I’m around weeds and trees.
Mommy said I have allergies…
do they too?
And Mom’s still there, in that lair.
Maybe it’s cool— like Batman
and that’s why she never comes to see me?
But what if it’s not that she doesn’t want to?
‘Cause I don’t think she can.
So I brave the room.
Please just look, look at me, see!
Finally about to meet whatever
is in there waiting for me.
Is it a monster or something worse?
Is Mommy under a curse?
My Mommy she looks really bad,
And her eyes are so old and sad
like our dog used to look
when she was really, really sick.
I want to cheer her up
and make her feel better;
I ask what’s wrong
and she doesn’t answer.
Her hair - it’s a nest; she doesn’t smile,
but tells me to go away and play for a while.
I try to hug her to make it all go away,
but no one listens to what I have to say.
I hear words of sickness
(I’ve heard them before),
but this time I hear just a little more.
The words, they’re so big I don’t know them,
but this one I know, it’s “death”.
She’s… dying
(I’m still not sure what ‘xactly that means
but it’s sad and really, really bad
and then mommy won’t come back:
no more kissing skinned knees,
no more hugs, no more midnight snacks),
but… no one wants to tell me.
To them I’m just a … a baby right under their feet
I’ve been crying and whining this whole ‘tire time,
but it’s my Mommy who’s sick but can’t ever die.
I won’t let her (I swear it).
But I’ll be strong, that’s part of my job,
‘cause I’m a big brother.
My baby brother needs me--
he can’t do anything when I’m not there.
So I won’t cry, (even if it really is the hardest thing ever)
“Cause Momma won’t die,” I tell him right then.
“Momma’s too tough and strong
and always there to fix whatever’s wrong.
Nu-uh, no way, she’s not gonna go,
she’ll get better and then take us somewhere.
She’ll pester us with kisses all over our hair,
and hug us so tight we’ll beg for air.”
He just sits there chewing, content,
While I talk to him,
Pretending he’ll listen.