Work Text:
Jensen was heartbroken when Jared left him. Not just when Jared made him move out and broke up with him. If you could call it breaking up if it was never anything to begin with. No his heart really broke at the wrap up party for supernatural.
God he remembered the last day of shooting like it was yesterday. Jared had been distant the whole season, it slowly broke Jensen heart. But the last day was the worse. Jensen had been drinking and sitting back trying to not draw attention to himself, when Jared had walked by with someone. Jensen hadn’t known the person but Jared seemed to know him really well. They didn’t even notice Jensen.
Jensen looked as Jared his former friend and lover leaned into the other man and whispered, “god I can’t wait for this to end and continue with my live.”
Jensen’s heart broke for real then. It was obvious that Jared wasn’t only talking about the show but also about Jensen. The other man wanted to get away from Jensen as soon as possible. Jensen always kept a little spark of hope that maybe he and Jared would get back together again but those words and the look on Jared’s face as he said them made it clear that was never going to happen.
He left for home two minutes later. He had broken up with Danneel earlier that year. He just couldn’t be with her anymore, couldn’t do that relationship, because he felt like he was faking the whole thing. He just couldn’t do it because she wasn’t Jared.
When Jensen got home he buried himself in the sheets on his bed and didn’t come out for over a week.
Chris was finally the one who had come looking for him. He found Jensen a mess on the couch, drinking his sorrow away. Nobody really understood, they didn’t know about him and Jared. They all though it was a late reaction to the break up with Danneel. But the way Chris found him that night, he suspected that it was so much more.
“What the hell is wrong with you Jensen?” Chris has asked angry with concern.
Jensen drunk as he was broke down and told Chris the whole story. He talked about falling in love with Jared, not being able to choose between two loves and finally about getting his heart broken. Chris sat there listening to Jensen sob out the story and got angry. He got angry for Jared and for Danneel because as he told Jensen neither of them deserved being treated like that. Jensen agreed and continued drinking himself into a coma.
The next morning Chris woke him up with a cup of coffee.
He sat down next to Jensen and started talking, “Listen Jen, what you did was a truly horrible thing. You hurt two people a lot. You broke Jared’s heart intentionally, “Jensen wanted to reply but Chris stopped him, “but Jensen listen to me man. You have to forgive yourself. Even if Jared or Danneel will never forgive you, you have to forgive yourself for what you’ve done. Because if you don’t Jen, it’s gonna ruin you. It’s already breaking you.”
Jensen looked at his friend for a long time before sighing, “I don’t know how.”
Truth was Jensen didn’t know if he was ready to move on. He didn’t know if he was ready to accept that he was never going to get back together with Jared. Jensen had realized in the past year that he had been oblivious to how much Jared meant to him. He just figured Jared would always be there. Jensen always worked hard to keep Danneel. But only realized after losing Jared that Danneel didn’t matter, she was just an image he wanted to show the world.
How could Jensen forgive himself for being so stupid. So ungraceful for everything Jared had given him.
Chris throws something into Jensen lap and Jensen takes a long look at it. It was an article on Jared. The picture showed a smiling Jared, happier than Jensen ever remembered seeing him. Underneath it stood: ‘Jared Padalecki’s comes out of the closed: “I’m so glad I don’t have to hide who I am anymore.”
“He obviously moved on,” Chris says and Jensen ran to the bathroom to throw up.