Work Text:
This is Jack.
That is his name.
Jack came back
For handsome James.
Jack came in
The dead of night
And knew he'd win
His heart's delight.
Jack is clever.
Jack is quick.
Jack wants James
To touch his prick.
Jack took James
Back to his ship
And now we watch
The odd courtship:
"Would you, could you on the Pearl?
Perhaps pretend that I'm a girl?
Or you could suck me on the dock
And kiss and stroke my weeping cock."
"Not on the Pearl, not with a girl!
You'd leave the dock without your cock.
I do not practice sodomy.
I've had it, Jack! Just set me free!"
"What about the orlop stair?
Sweet William could meet us there.
Or I could grope you in the rigging.
A crow's nest perch is built for frigging."
"Not near the stair 'neath William's glare
By no means frigging in the rigging.
The navy frowns on buggery
So Captain Sparrow, let me be!"
"There's nothing on the seven seas
Like a commodore upon his knees.
Or what if Pretty Lizzy watched?
The lovely maid's grown quite debauched."
"Not on my knees upon the seas
Nor suffer Liz to watch me jizz
You will not get me on my back
Now please unhand me, Captain Jack!"
"Would you, could you in the brig?
I could wear the gov'nor's wig.
Can't I fuck you up the bum?
Relax, dear James, and have some rum."
"Not on the brig, not in that wig
Put down the rum, don't touch my bum.
I do not take it up the ass.
Now Captain Jack, just let me pass!"
"I could swive you at the fort
A quick tryst 'fore I leave the port.
But take this as a word of warning
I'd not respect you in the morning."
"Not at the fort in Royal, Port
I would reject your odd respect
No undead pirates, Aztec coins
Could get me to ungird my loins."
"I could have you by the mast
I could pound you hard and fast.
Would you have it on the boat?
Come on, James, put down that goat!"
"Not by the mast, not hard and fast.
Not in the boat. Forget the goat!
I'll not be taken for a sod.
Release me, for the love of god!"
"I'm climbing up the cabin walls.
I'm begging you to lick my balls.
What does it take to get some head?
God damn it, James, get on that bed!"
"Get off the walls, ignore your balls
You'll get no head on yonder bed.
For by the heart of Davy Jones,
I will not jump your pirate bones."
"What makes you think you won't enjoy it?
Friction's good; let me employ it.
The bed is soft, the sheets aren't shabby.
I think you'll find you like it ... savvy?"
Say! I *do* like this buggery
I'd do it with you, land or sea.
I'd gladly do it on the Pearl
But doubt I'd like it with a girl.
I'd let you have me on the dock.
(Please reach around and touch my cock.)
I'd do this by the orlop stair
And come in William's pretty hair.
I'd enjoy this in the rigging
(Deeper, Jack! Please keep digging!)
I'd swallow you while on my knees
Lizzie can watch, should she say please.
I'd let you fuck me in the brig,
But ne'er again speak of the wig.
(I'll go to hell for this for sure
God damn your pirate sex allure.)
We could do this at the fort
Or ev'ry tavern in the port.
Please press me up against the mast
And pump my manhood hard and fast
But Jack, the next time I succumb
Please be more gentle with my bum.