Chapter Text
In the few years it took for Megan to lose her vision almost completely she had realized a few things about life. The first major one being that she might be blind but at least she had a grip on what was real and what wasn’t. She found that for the most part people were blind to reality and only saw what they wanted to see in the world. Megan didn’t really have the luxury of being that naive. The second most important thing she had to learn was to let go. Not just of her vision, but of her perception of the world around her. To be honest, it was a day to day struggle. She wouldn’t say she was angry at her condition (though she had certainly gone through that phase a year after her diagnosis) but she couldn’t help but feel helpless. Megan was twenty-three years old could only see shadows - by thirty she wouldn’t have any vision at all. It was different than being born blind (though Megan agreed that struggle was difficult as well, just different) in a sense that Megan got to see the world as a child and couldn’t do anything but watch as it slowly disappeared.
There were images she clung to, images she would always be able to recount in her memory in vivid detail no matter how bad her vision got. Megan supposed she should be grateful for that. She could remember her mother’s smile, the crinkles around her father’s eyes, the color of the fur on her teddy bear, the way her best friend’s smile would light up his face. She was grateful that she could still remember these things, and yet she couldn’t help but feel saddened by the fact that she’d never be able to see them again.
Megan took in a deep breath of fresh air as she listened to the sounds around her. Her other senses had obviously gotten a little better as her vision worsened. She liked to joke that she might be blind but she could hear everything that was going on from half a block away. As of now she could hear a few other people in the park, a few couples and families with their kids. It was a bright and sunny afternoon and Megan had decided to meet up with her best friend since he had finally gotten some time off from his job. Marley, the chocolate brown Labrador that was her service dog rolled from his side and onto his belly, yipping at Megan a little.
She smiled down at where he was next to her and ran her fingers through the fur on his belly, giving him a few scratches as well. She loved Marley to death. He was a great service dog and Megan had grown really attached to him quickly, something she wasn’t really expecting to happen. At first she resented needing a service dog, as it she felt it was something that just signified her blindness. But Marley grew on her before she really had time to stop it and now she couldn’t imagine not having him. Megan had almost started paying attention to the sounds of the kids playing across the way again until she smelt something extremely familiar approaching her. She smiled and looked over her shoulder, raising up a hand and waving.
“Mark!” she called. Marley shifted onto his belly and let out a welcoming bark; Megan could feel his tail smacking against her leg every other second in his excitement.
“I swear that is the weirdest thing ever,” Mark told her as he approached.
Megan tilted her head to the side in confusion. “What are you talking about, Tuan?”
Megan couldn’t really see him but she could see the darkness of his shadow versus the darkness of the scenery and she could tell when he sat down next to Marley. “You know, you claim you’re blind. Yet every time I try to sneak up on you...” he trailed. Megan bit back a smile and rolled her eyes.
“First of all, shame on you for wanting to sneak up on a blind person,” she started. Megan didn’t have to see his face to know that Mark looked completely shameless at her statement. Mark loved pranks, plain and simple. Didn’t matter who the victim was. “Secondly, I can smell you coming from a mile away.”
“You trying to tell me I stink?” he asked, sounding vaguely offended.
“I’m not gonna answer that. I’m just gonna let you stew.”
“Okay, now that’s just rude,” Mark told her, leaning back on his hands after giving Marley a full rub down. Marley happily rolled between the two of them and settled in nicely, his tail still flicking against Megan’s thigh and his head resting on Mark’s hip. “Your dog is so weird.”
“Now who’s being rude?” Megan asked, sticking her tongue out at Mark. “At least I’ve got a big dog. How’s your rat doing?”
“You did not just call Coco a rat.”
“Did I say rat? My bad,” Megan amended falsely, waving her hand as if to dismiss the whole thing.
“Youngjae would smack you,” Mark told her seriously. The pair looked at each other for a minute before they both broke out in giggles, Mark’s sounding awfully loud to Megan’s ear. She would say it was because her ears were more sensitive, however it was also true that Mark just had a unique laugh. She could identify him from it even from a distance.
“How was practice?” she asked him after they stopped laughing. Mark let out a groan and she heard him flop onto his back in distress. “That sounds promising,” she commented.
“Nah it’s totally fine,” Mark started. “I have no idea when I’ll be able to actually sleep again. But it’s fine.”
“The life of a kpop idol. Poor Mark can’t sleep for fifteen hours a day anymore,” she teased. She could see the shadow of Mark’s outline pop back up and she knew he was looking at her with pursed lips and his eyebrows furrowed. She knew her best friend very well.
“I’ll have you know it was usually only twelve hours,” he started. “I think I only slept for fifteen hours the one time. That might have been too much.”
“You think? I thought you were dead.”
“I felt like I was dead too,” he agreed, laughing a little. “I can’t remember the last time I slept for twelve hours. I can’t remember the last time I slept for eight.” The smile slipped from Megan’s face and she quickly felt concern instead.
“Seriously? How much do you usually sleep?” she asked him. He was quiet as he thought about it.
“Four? Maybe five. I think the most I can get away with is about six if I go to bed the second I get home.”
“Mark,” Megan chided. “How are you supposed to do anyone any good if you work yourself into the ground?” she asked. For the most part, Megan kept away from Mark’s idol life. For one it was just easier on him. He didn’t have to answer any awkward or uncomfortable questions, nor did he have to feel like his privacy was being invaded. Megan just didn’t like the heat it brought to her. She knew his fans were aware of her existence, and to be honest that was enough for her. She supported Mark as much as she could and was always the first one to buy their merchandise when it came out to show that support, but she was aware that being an idol was physically and emotionally grueling. It really worried her sometimes.
“I’ll be alright. We’ll get a break eventually, don’t worry about me.” he told her quickly. That was another thing about Mark. He didn’t like being a burden no matter what situation he was in. Megan would chalk it up to him not wanting to add onto the burden of being blind if she hadn’t known Mark since he was just a kid, before she lost her vision. He was the same way then, too. She liked that about him...except for when it frustrated her.
“Don’t worry about me,” she mimicked him with a whiny voice. “Do you even hear yourself right now?” Mark laughed and stood up, stretching a little.
“I’m gonna pretend like you aren’t being mean to me right now,” he started. “Come on, let’s go grab some food. I’m starving.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” she teased while holding her hand out. Mark’s appetite was no joke, even as a kid. Even as scrawny and tiny as he was the kid could eat enough food for a small village. Mark’s enveloped hers as he pulled her up and a thought struck Megan. It was such a distracting thought that as she stood she put a little too much momentum in her step and lost her balance, tumbling forward. Marley was up in a second but Mark, already standing, reached both arms out and caught her, pulling her to him and steadying her.
“Okay, I know you’re blind but I didn’t know that meant you forgot how to use your feet!” he joked. Megan’s face heated up as she whacked Mark in the chest and was surprised by what she felt. The thought hit her again and she placed her hand over his chest, this time keeping it there and feeling him breathe. “Megan?” he asked, confused. “Are you okay?”
“Sorry,” she murmured. “It just...occurred to me that I don’t really know what you look like anymore.”
Mark was silent for a beat, considering her words. “What do you mean?” he asked quietly. “You saw me before you lost your vision. You know what I look like,” he told her.
“You were a kid,” she corrected. “We were both kids....” she trailed off with a frown. She should probably take a step back and just ask where he wanted to go for food. For one thing, bringing the topic up usually just made her sad (which would upset Mark she was sure) but it also brought up another uncomfortable topic she didn’t want to think about. Not with him so close to her. She began to pull her hand away and step back, but the arm around Megan’s waist tightened. His left hand closed around her wrist and placed her hand back on his chest.
“This is how you see now, right?” he asked her gently. “With your hands?” The hand that was on her wrist slowly covered her own hand and Megan realized his hand was much bigger than hers now. They used to be a little smaller. She barely nodded but Mark saw it - she knew he did. “Megan, I want you to be able to see me. To know what I look like...it’s important.” he told her.
Megan frowned a little, confused. “Why? It doesn’t matter all that much,” she told him. She shook her head and stepped away, Mark finally letting her go. She heard his hands drop to his side as she felt some kind of weird tension in the air between them. She didn’t like it one bit. “I’m actually starving, too. Where do you want to grab food?”
“Megan...” he trailed off. She smiled at him and reached out for Marley, who came to her immediately.
“Can you grab his harness? I set it behind us somewhere,” Megan asked. Mark was quiet for a few moments before he let out a quiet sigh. It sounded like disapproval, Megan wasn’t sure, but she didn’t want to think about it. She told her self a long time ago when Mark started his career that she couldn’t think about him like that. It was too complicated. She wouldn’t. She could hear Mark shuffling behind her as he grabbed Marley’s harness and then next to her as she knelt down and adjusted it onto the dog. Marley helped him along, trying to lick at his face the entire time.
“Have I ever told you that your dog is really weird?” Mark asked. Megan pursed her lips.
“I think you mean affectionate and cute.”
“I think you’re talking about Jackson now,” he joked. Megan adjusted the sunglasses on her face and shook her head.
“You know, Jackson would probably be super offended if he was even remotely normal. I think he likes being referred to as a dog.”
Mark laughed as he stood and placed Megan’s hand on the handle of Marley’s vest. “Puppy,” he corrected. “Pretty sure he wants to be a puppy. Where do you want to eat?”
Megan pursed her lips, pretending to think about it before shrugging. “How should I know? I’m blind. You lead, Marley will follow.” She could almost hear Mark rolling his eyes at her. This was easier to deal with, the joking and the banter. This Megan could handle. She guessed Mark had walked off because Marley started forward as well, Megan finding a comfortable stride as he led her through the park.
“Making me do all the work,” Mark muttered. “Just because she’s blind...seems wrong.”
“I can hear you, Tuan!”