Chapter Text
THEN: 11 Years Ago….
Castiel Novak watched helplessly as his best friend and roommate cleaned out his belongings, stuffing everything into an oversize duffle bag. Dean Winchester had shared a room and a life with him for the past two and a half years. They'd met the first day of freshman year and despite being complete opposites, they'd become fast friends. Inseparable, they'd seen each other through everything. When Dean was close to failing classes, Cas was the one who stayed up all night studying with Dean, asking him test questions, ensuring he passed. When Cas was being bullied by seniors, Dean was the one who made sure they never bothered him again. Cas had never missed any of Dean's football games and Dean was the guy holding Cas's head over the toilet when he had too much to drink. Their friends often joked that if it wasn't for Dean's slutty ways when it came to girls, and the fact that Cas was in a serious relationship with his girlfriend for almost year, they'd think the pair was married. They certainly were physically comfortable with each other. One of them always had an arm slung around the other and whenever friends were crashing in their room, they had no problem sharing a bed in full view of everyone. Dean had become Castiel's family on campus.
"So this is it? You're leaving?" Cas was confused and upset. He ran a hand through his dark locks as if understanding could be pulled outlike strands of hair. "You're weeks away from final exams and you're just going to quit?"
"I'm not quitting Cas," Dean replied without pausing his packing. "I'm just putting school on hold for a bit. You know my dad hasn't been well. I gotta go take care of Sammy"
Cas could spot the untruth there. He knew Dean better than anyone else. There was something about the way Dean wouldn't look at him that didn't feel right.
"That's bull Dean. You can hang on for the few more weeks and finish out the year. I spoke with Sam three days ago. It's not a dire situation."
"Maybe it's dire to me! Did ya think about that genius?" Dean sounded bitter almost which confounded Cas even more. Dean stopped his ramshackle packing and sighed, his shoulders heaving dramatically.
"Dean," Cas uttered softly , "Is it me? Did I do something?"
Castiel sounded so afraid and the pained sound was like an arrow driving into the chest of Dean. Because it had been something he'd done. Dean had loved Castiel as a friend and a brother from the moment they met. Despite the awkward social manner and the use of vocabulary that often had Dean guessing, there’d been an immediate bond there that had grown more profound over time. Then the damn idiot decided he was going to propose to his girlfriend Meg.
Suddenly faced with a future that didn't include Castiel 24/7, Dean started noticing his feelings for Cas were a little more than brotherly. As he watched Cas, he became so aware of his attraction to Cas. The guy was gorgeous and even if he’d never noticed himself, there’d been enough females willing to point out just how blue his eyes were and how his perpetually dry chapped lips made a person wonder what they’d feel like travelling over skin. He also became are of how attraction lead to his desire for Cas. Yeah, he could be honest if he felt like it. He wanted those lips travelling on his skin. He wanted that voice, all smoke and bass, whispering in his ear. Dean had become very aware of his desire for his best friend. Unfortunately, he also became aware of how wrapped up in his girlfriend Cas was. Even if Dean decided to forego the big gay freak out he’d wrestle with and go after a relationship with Cas, he knew that Cas simply wasn't in the same head (heart?) space.
He'd tried sticking it out. He told himself he could do it. He could finish the year and wish the couple happy and even stand up as Cas's best man at the wedding but he couldn't really lie to himself even if he was an expert at lying to everyone else. It hurt too much to see them together. It hurt too much to lie in his bed at night and listen to Cas's breathing without wanting to press his lips against Cas's shoulder and hold him close. The only way he could make this work was if he requested a room change and there was no way he could do that without raising too many questions; without hurting Cas. So he was going home to lick his wounds and try to heal his heart.
"Is it, Dean?" Cas's soft voice hooked right into Dean's heart.
He turned around and looked at Cas whose eyes had begun watering up. Dean walked over to him and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Don't ever think that Cas. C'mon, you know you're perfect, man." Dean buried his nose into the nape of the smaller man's neck. "You're the best thing in my life. How could it possibly be you?"
Cas held tight to Dean. When Dean tried to pull back and end the hug, Castiel held him close. They pressed their foreheads together and stood there for a minute or two.
"Don't leave me," Cas whispered, "Please don't leave me. Tell me how to make you stay."
"I can't stay Cas. I can't."
Dean stepped out of the embrace, pulling Cas’s arms from around him and returned to the bed to pick up the duffle bag. He had most of his stuff packed already. Whatever he left behind Cas could keep or throw out. He just needed to be gone before he did something really stupid. He picked the bag up and turned to leave. Cas looked panicked now.
"Dean…" he pleaded turning the name into all manner of entreaty. His head tilted, he stared at Dean with those big beautiful blues.
Dean steeled his nerve, nodded to Cas and headed for the door. He began to turn the doorknob when stopped, dropped his bag and walked back to where Castiel was standing. Without slowing down or any visible sign of hesitation, Dean cupped Cas's face in his hands and leaned in. His eyes closed just as his lips hit Cas's and damn if those chapped lips didn't feel as soft and textured as he'd imagined they would be. Holding Cas's face steady he moved his lips against Cas's and was surprised to find that Cas was kissing him back. A taste of heaven he thought. A taste of heaven to help him endure his hell.
He pushed Cas back and away from him.
"Don't come after me." He growled before turning to grab his bag and leave without looking back.
Castiel stood there in shock, confused and contemplating what to do. By the time he came to his senses and sprinted after Dean, it was too late. A fellow student, Chuck, told him that Dean had gotten a ride off campus with one of his football buddies. He sat down on the stairs outside the building and looked at the empty road for a long while. He wasn't exactly sure what he had lost in the preceding moments but he knew it would impact the rest of his life.
NOW: Present Day
"Dean!" Castiel shouted up the stairwell in his home, "You know I love you, but I swear if you're not downstairs and in the car in five minutes, there will be no pie for you all weekend!"
He heard a resounding thud in response and what sounded like someone scrambling to get themselves together and down the stairs in less than five minutes. He smiled. The loss of pie privileges threat worked every time. Dean did love his pie.
His cell phone rang and he answered it as he moved two travel bags closer to the front door.
"Hello Gabriel…..yes I am running behind schedule…no, no, Dean simply did not want to cooperate this morning…..he'll be fine, you know he gets when I have to travel for work…..yes I used the pie threat….yes it worked, I hear him coming down the stairs now….we'll be leaving now so see you in a bit Gabriel."
He looked up at the figure trudging down the stairs. "About time Dean. Let's get these bags in the car so I can lock up."
"Can you manage to carry your bag?" Cas asked handing him the smaller of the bags.
Bright blue eyes that were exact replicas of his own looked back at him and winked.
"Sure thing Papa. Let's go give Unca Gabe some trouble!"