Chapter Text
"If you loved me how you said you did you would have changed for me."
But Tony had changed. He'd been in a cave being tortured and his life had come into all kinds of perspective.
He saw what his weapons were doing.
He saw the people he was killing, the people he was helping and even though he hadn't known about it, his weapons were still the ones doing this. His inventions were still killing people.
And it came into sharp focus.
What he actually wanted to do in life.
He'd always wanted to change the world. It was Howard that had convinced him that the only way to do that was to fight it out.
But none of that logic would do him any good if he didn't get out of this cave.
And that didn't seem very likely right now.
Air. He needed Air.
Water was all around him, swirling and dirty and all encompassing. It was in his nose, down his throat, in his eyes no matter how tightly he shut them.
His eyes stung.
He was freezing, shivering and covered in dirt convinced he'd never be warm again.
So many things he'd never get to do, never get to see, or invent.
He’d never see JARVIS again, or Dummy.
So many things he needed to atone for but none of that mattered because he was going to die here, in the dark surrounded by chocking dirty water-
"Tony."
Huh?
That voice didn't belong here.
"Tony, you're okay, it's just a dream. You're okay."
Tony shot up in bed gasping for breath, there was a hand on his back an instant later, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. He clutched fistfuls of sheets, trying to ground himself.
"Huh? What?" he gasped, trying to shake off the hand, still half asleep and convinced that hand was going to put him under again. It was at the back of his neck, pressing down, down. But that didn’t make any sense because no one else was supposed to be here and somehow he knew that voice was safe.
"It's okay, it's just me. You're safe." Someone tried to sooth.
So why were they trying to put him back in the water?
"Tony?" the voice asked.
"Neck, bad." Tony managed to gasp out.
"Christ! Shit! Sorry!" the person yelped and the arm was slinking around his waist instead and pulling him close to their side. "Better?"
Tony's breathing was slowing down, the freezing Afghani water was fading.
And then he realised that Clint Fucking Barton was basically cuddling into his side comforting him like a scared little child.
"M'fine piss off Barton." he snapped. Clint snorted, not moving an inch.
"The gratitude." he snarked. Tony flinched. "Look, I was in the air vents and I heard you. I couldn't just leave you there. Wherever you were."
"Get. Off. Me. Barton." Tony snapped, no matter how touched he was that Clint had helped. That there was a warm, grounding solid body that he trusted pulling him back to reality and calming him tremendously.
"Okay, Tony, easy." Clint placated and tried to move away.
Tony says try because the second he felt the archer move Tony's damn needy pathetic reflexes kicked in and pulled Clint back.
"Getting mixed signals here dude." Clint quipped, Tony grimaced.
He'd let go any second now.
Any second.
"I'm trying." Tony snapped, having a silent argument with his shaky body. He didn't need this. Not after Thor and Steve today, he didn't need anyone else knowing just how pathetic he was.
"Do not make yourself pull away from something you need you stubborn idiot." Clint snapped.
Tony flinched.
Okay, perhaps Clint did already know. Perhaps he and Natasha could read people the same way?
“I… I…” Tony tried to say- what? Thank you for listening? For being there? For not letting Tony push him away?
“You’re okay, Tony.” Clint soothed pulling Tony down so they were both lying on his bed. Clint fitted himself into Tony’s side
“Are- are we- are you spooning me Barton?” Tony spluttered, feeling his face flushed and he ducked his face so Clint couldn’t see.
“You want me to stop?” Clint challenged, pulling the covers over them both. Tony bit his lip.
“No.” he admitted in a whisper. Fuck, could he sound any more pathetic?
“Then shut up and go back to sleep.”
“I dunno…” Tony hedged. Could he ask that of Clint? Wasn’t this too much?
“I’ll be right here.” Clint comforted.
“Great, I’ll wake you up too.” Tony snapped. Clint hit him lightly on the chest.
“I want to be here, Tony, Go to sleep.”
Really?
Clint wanted to be here?
“i… don’t…” Tony couldn’t go back there, not tonight. Once was enough, wasn’t it? Clint rubbed his chest firmly, careful not to brush the arc reactor.
“If it happens again we’ll get up and watch WALL-E. Deal?”
“You hate WALL-E.” Tony felt the need to point out.
“Do we have a deal or what?” Clint persisted. Tony snorted.
“Alright, I’ll try.”
And what do you know? He slept through the night.