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He shouldn’t be calling his best friend over at 2 in the morning for this. They have school tomorrow and God knows that, even if he doesn’t have the best grades in the university, Yuta likes showing up in his 8 am class just to stare at the handsome exchange student from China. But he needs this. This is considered an emergency.

“What the fuck is it that you need to talk about right now? I need sleep. I need beauty rest. I cannot have dark circles or Sicheng will reject me before I can even ask him out.” Yuta whines as he slumps his sleepy body on the soft couch. There is no roommate to worry about if Yuta gets noisy. He got this unit all to himself. Thanks to his rich-ass dad that practically runs the whole of Bangkok.

It’s been three days since it happened. Three whole days since he had made the grandest mistake of the century and now he is suffering its consequences. He can easily blame it on the alcohol because, really, it was the booze that made him act without thinking. Without it, he wouldn’t even have the guts to make a move.

Ten sighs, looking down on his lap before he tries pulling out his hair in frustration. Yuta doesn’t care if his friend will turn bald before the clock ticks 3, only yawning while he watches the other hurt himself.

“I slept with him.” Ten says once he calms down.

That is all Ten has to say to get Yuta to focus. Suddenly, he is awake and paying attention, eyes wide and without a trace of fatigue on his expression. He sits up straight to look at Ten intently. “You what?????”

“Don’t make me say it again!” It is Ten’s turn to whine, shaking his head furiously while he hits the throw pillow non-stop. For someone who couldn’t sleep for days, he got lots of energy.

Yuta blinks, processing the new information laid out on him. Until it finally clicks. “Don’t tell me..”

Ten does not have to repeat himself because, at a crucial time like this and with this kind of topic, he knows Yuta is all ears. He is the only one who knows about his unrequited feelings for that person. This is good if it is all just a dream or Ten is making this all up to mess with his best friend after finding out that he was the one who stole his stash of adult manhwas under his bed. But this isn’t a revenge game and they are not dreaming. Ten really just slept with his long-time crush, Jung Jaehyun.

Ten isn’t kidding when he is about to cry, which is the case at this very moment. It’s been three days since it happened and it’s been that long since he caught a decent sleep. All he was thinking about was that night and how he hasn’t seen Jaehyun since then. It is not that he is obliged to show himself before him or to text him about his whereabouts, but the thought that Jaehyun might be avoiding him after what had transpired in Doyoung’s fucking wild birthday party is killing him.

Yuta fires millions of questions that do not even matter in the situation. If he isn’t the only person who knows about Jaehyun and this thing isn’t so confidential, Ten would have called more sensible and mature people like Taeil and Doyoung over. It is unfortunate that he only has Yuta to help him sort this out. Although, even before he dialed his number, he wasn’t expecting that much. True enough, in a span of six minutes, all Yuta wants to figure out is how big Jaehyun’s dick is.

“I want to die.” One, because of Jaehyun. And, two, because he got a very useless best friend.

Ten sees a pair of scissors lying on the floor yards away from them, like it is asking to be stabbed right through his chest. He wants his suffering to be over. He cannot live another day thinking about Jaehyun and how he makes him feel strong emotions every single second whenever he thinks about his lips on him. And he knows he will never have the chance to tell him all these feelings because he is a coward and Jung Jaehyun is an unreachable star that doesn’t deserve someone like him.

*

Jaehyun shows up the following week, exactly 8 days after their tryst, donning blond hair and Ten does not know what to do with himself. They do not share any classes this semester, Ten making sure of that so he can focus on his studies once and for all. Three years of spacing out in the middle of a lecture and two Cs is enough in his lifetime. He spots Jaehyun while he is on his way to Doyoung. He clearly forgets that the two shares almost the same schedule. Perhaps, he got used to not seeing Jaehyun around for days and he is convinced that the latter is doing everything he can to avoid him.

“Hey!” Jaehyun stands on his way before he can reach Doyoung who is just behind, taking out his books from the lockers. Jaehyun is smiling so brightly, his eyes forming crescents and his dimples poking out of his cheeks. He looks radiant, just like an angel. Ten forgets to breathe. The blond makes him resemble a creature from heaven.

Ten gulps, trying to compose himself. He is unbelievably cheerful. Jaehyun is cheerful all the time but Ten expects him to be a little shy around him after what happened to them. “Hi.” He answered meekly.

“For you.” Jaehyun hands him a small paper bag full of chocolate candies. Ten doesn’t understand. Doyoung, who is peeking from behind Jaehyun, doesn’t seem to understand as well.

“You didn’t give me chocolates.” Doyoung states.

“’Coz it’s bad for you.” Jaehyun answers.

“And it is good for Ten?”

“Shut up, Kim.”

Apparently, Jaehyun just came back from a family vacation overseas and he just returned yesterday. Still, Ten couldn’t connect why he is blond now. He is complaining. He wants to sue because it is illegal to look that good.

Ten only mutters a ‘thanks’ before Jaehyun has to go to his next class while Doyoung is busy picking out the items he wants in the bag.

“See you around, Ten.” Jaehyun taps his shoulders and showed him his killer smile.

Ten really wants to die.

*

“He doesn’t remember a thing!!!”

To say the least, Ten is freaking out. He drags Yuta and Doyoung to his apartment so there are two people to prevent him from hanging himself. Yuta isn’t enough because he knows his ass of a best friend will not stop him from committing suicide. If he needs someone with sense, he must get Doyoung.

“Okay, what the hell is happening?” Doyoung asks after watching Ten tumbles on the floor and make a mess out of his living room.

“He slept with Jaehyun,” Yuta says nonchalantly. He is sitting on the couch, cutting his nails, and does not give two fucks about his friend’s misery. So typical.

“And, obviously, he doesn’t remember!”  Ten screams.

Keeping a straight face, Doyoung seems to not be bothered by it as well. “So what’s the problem?”

“Exactly my point, bro,” Yuta adds.

The problem is it is Jaehyun. Ten has slept with other men before. It is not like Jaehyun is his first. Jaehyun just happened to be someone he has feelings with. Deep feelings. And sleeping with him is not like hooking up with some random dude at a bar and forgetting his face the morning after. One-night stands are common among guys their age which is why Yuta and Doyoung cannot understand why he is being overdramatic. Perhaps, Ten is upset about it because he expected something more. Something he shouldn’t cross. Something he has no control over. He saw a little hope the moment Jaehyun pushed him inside Doyoung’s room that night. Turns out, he is wrong.

“He doesn’t like me.” Ten finally says it. It’s been three years since he started liking Jaehyun. He clearly could remember the time when Doyoung introduced him to them over lunch and since then, he couldn’t get him out of his system. He must be a little in love with him, which is wrong, in his opinion. He cannot love someone secretly in that span of time because that is just ridiculous. In his defense, Jaehyun is easy to love. He is kind and caring and very friendly. That is the thing. He is friendly with everyone and Ten might just be imagining things when Jaehyun gets a little sweet towards him.

Yuta raises his hand to stop him from having his pity party. “Hold up there. I disagree.”

“I am not as handsome as Taeyong. He can’t like me.”

Doyoung jerks to oppose but Yuta shushes the two of them.

“First, Taeyong is clearly Doyoung’s bitch. Second, you are handsome. Third, Jaehyun is stupid if he doesn’t realize those two.”

Doyoung nods. “And I bet you suck dick better than Taeyong.”

Even though he got friends with strange behaviors and views in life, he is thankful to have such loyal people around. What they said does not help that much but at least it gave him a slight boost in his ego. All he could do now is be like Jaehyun and act like that night never happened.

*

It is hard to pretend it never happened when Ten thinks about it all the time.

It plagues him every night. The memory is still fresh even if it’s been two weeks since then.

He can still remember how he took Jaehyun upstairs, to Doyoung’s room, to stop him from drinking more. He was aware of his low alcohol tolerance and he didn’t want him to puke all over the living room once he was too drunk.

Doyoung was too wasted and too Taeyong-occupied to care if Ten would be depositing a tipsy guy in his room. No one cared at that point. When he thought Jaehyun was already sleeping on the bed, Ten stood by the window, trying to contact Taeil so that he can pick up his roommate. To his surprise, Jaehyun stood up from the bed and was now standing so close to him, feeling his breath on his nape, his hands slowly holding his waist. His body suddenly froze when Jaehyun circled his arms around his torso to cage him. Ten was so scared. They were so close. He could feel the warmth of Jaehyun’s chest on his back, his heart pounding at a rapid pace. Ten took a deep breath when Jaehyun turns him around. Although he got hooded eyes, they were staring intensely at him and it was the first time he saw him look at him that way. Like he could eat him alive right then.

Their lips touched in an instant. It wasn’t gentle at all. Jaehyun only wanted to take all of Ten without caring if he would give back. Ten allowed him, dissolving in his arms as he opens up to him. He did not hold anything back. He wanted this. He wanted him for so long. Even if he knew it was the alcohol acting right now, Ten let Jaehyun work his magic on him. He let him remove all of his clothes before putting him to bed. Jaehyun followed suit after and hovered on top of him, kissing him again, now with more force and tongue.

Ten never felt like this before. He felt shivers crawl over his body with every touch, every time Jaehyun’s mouth tasted his skin. He could not stop himself from responding and moaning, from being needy and compliant. He felt so dirty, so raw, so easy. But this is Jaehyun. He could be anything for Jaehyun. His brain was dead at that moment. There was no wrong or right. All he knew was he loved what he was feeling, loved how he made Jaehyun feel, and he did not want to stop.

Jaehyun gently palmed Ten’s cock while kissing his neck. His mouth reached every part of his body, his hands freely explored him without hesitations. He entered him slowly and carefully to lessen the pain. It’s been a while since Ten had sex with someone so even if Jaehyun was too nice to prep him up real good and the condom was lubed enough for a smooth glide in, Ten silently screamed when his entrance was breached. He dug his nails into Jaehyun’s back as he moved in and out of him at a slow pace. Soon, he picked up his rhythm when he felt Ten was comfortable enough. His speed was ruthless, chasing his own release without minding if the other was on the verge of crying. Jaehyun practically folded Ten in half as he pounded into him, pushing both of his legs to his chest to have easy access to his hole. It was all fast and rough, he could not remember the moment Jaehyun came or the moment he came. When everything was over, Jaehyun sweetly kissed him on his lips before he totally passed out.

They were both sticky from sweat and semen but Jaehyun did not mind. His arms were wrapped around Ten while he slept. Ten could hear his steady heartbeat and soft snores. He looked so beautiful and it pained Ten because he could never have him when he was sober. He could never tell him how he wanted to give him everything if only he would let him.

His lower body was aching but he forced himself to stand up without waking Jaehyun up. Ten picked up his clothes and dressed up, still reeking of sex and Jaehyun. The party downstairs was still very much alive. People would not notice that he left. With one last look at Jaehyun’s peaceful sleeping form, he left the room carrying a boulder of regret on his shoulders.

*

Not that he is bitter over people who are being romanced on Valentine’s Day, but Ten admits he is a tiny bit jealous of people who are receiving flowers or getting a surprise by their lovers on this day. He actually hates going to school on this day because he gets to witness all the cheesy shit the students do for their significant others. Some really go all out such as attaching streamers on their cars to declare their love or hiring the whole glee club to serenade the person inside their class. Life-size stuffed toys, roses, and chocolates are everywhere and he despises them. He does not need a reminder about his tragic, non-existent love life.

This year, February 14 fell on a Tuesday. Even if Ten wanted to stay at home for the whole day and to let the day pass by without seeing all the gestures of love in front of his face, he couldn’t because he had classes. And even if he tried his best to avoid couples, it is impossible because all of his friends are somewhat in a relationship. Yuta managed to get Sicheng to go out with him and, despite fighting 28 hours a day, Taeyong prepared a little something for Doyoung tonight. Ten accepts he is going to spend the night alone. His plans include going straight home and watching movies while eating nachos all by his poor self.

The plan is going well since his two best friends do not have the kind hearts to check up on him and are too occupied with their boyfriends. Ten is all set to start his date with himself after his class. He is on his way to his apartment, walking alone on the sidewalk with his earphones on when someone gets a hold of his backpack.

“Have a date today?” Ten turns around to check (or kick) the person who disturbs his peace. And yes, the universe hates him because it is Jung fucking Jaehyun.

Ten reflects how he will answer that question as it is really evident that he is alone and that he isn’t dressed for a date at the very moment. All this time he thought Jaehyun is a bright person, but now he is starting to think he is actually stupid. Or maybe Ten is just really pissed at his luck right now.

He steps back so that Jaehyun can let go of the top handle of his backpack. He puts his earphones back on and turns around to continue walking toward his apartment. Ten can’t deal with Jaehyun right now. He is really at the threshold of punching him and he doesn’t want to do it. He still loves his handsome face and he doesn’t want to be the one to ruin it.

There is another pull. Ten breathes deeply before he turns around for the second time.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks with a concerned look in his eyes. He isn’t smiling like he does every time he sees him and it makes Ten believe that he is genuinely worried about him.

Ten still does not answer. This time, it is because there is a very disturbing smell coming out of the bag Jaehyun is holding.

“Get that thing away from me!” Ten shouts, covering his nose with one hand and the other pointing at the bag. He hates garlic. The smell of garlic coming out of the bag is too strong. He cannot handle it.

Jaehyun looks at the thing he is holding that causes Ten’s overreaction. “Easy. It’s just bread.” He says calmly (and angelically) as he puts the pack of bread inside his duffle bag to calm Ten down. And then he does the most unexpected thing ever in the history of Ten’s existence - pulling out a stalk of red rose with a pink bow from the side pocket of his bag and handing it to Ten. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

 It is suddenly warm in the middle of February as Ten feels like his whole face is under fire. He hopes it doesn’t color (he wishes) and lets Jaehyun notice that he is liking his gift too much. “Thanks.”

Jaehyun smiles now. “So, do you have plans tonight?”

“No, I don’t have.” He answers right away.

“Do you wanna hang out with me?” Jaehyun asks. “I am also dateless on my birthday night.”

He feels bad that Jaehyun has no one to celebrate with tonight. This comes as a surprise though, because, for the past three years that he has known Jaehyun, he usually goes out with someone. In their first year, he went out with Taeyong. Last year, he was with an older dude he met during winter break. Ten wonders why no one asked him out this year.

“I guess we’re both stuck to TV then.” Ten says.

“Not if we go somewhere else,” Jaehyun suggests, flashing a mischievous smile. Ten doesn’t trust that smile. He must avoid that smile at all cost.

“I am sorry. I really want to stay in tonight.” Although he really wants to go somewhere with Jaehyun, he refuses. It is a school night. He still has some assignments to do and he does not trust himself when he is with Jaehyun.

“We can stay in. We can watch movies and eat junk food together.” Jaehyun insists.

The smaller shifts from one foot to another while he weighs the pros and cons of allowing Jaehyun inside his apartment without their friends with them for the first time. The last time he was alone in a room with him, they ended up having sex. It sounds good to do it again at the back of his head, but on the other – good and rational – side, he wants to do the proper thing by telling Jaehyun his feelings, and maybe Jaehyun can tell him his feelings about him, too, first if he has any and then they can fuck.

Of course, Ten isn’t good at making sound decisions so he says yes to Jaehyun’s proposition after about eight seconds of contemplation. “Ok. Movie. My room. One yard away from me.”

“Deal.” Jaehyun agrees. “Can I have one tiny request?”

“What is it?”

“Please control your mood swings. It’s all over the place.”

Ten is known for his mood swings. But because it’s Jaehyun and it is his birthday, he will try to manage it. “Fine.”

*

Ten’s room is not ready for a visitor that day and, to be honest, he is too exhausted to be conscious if Jaehyun sees it that way. After tidying up the portion of the floor in front of the television where a lot of engineering books and half-opened chips are scattered (because it happens to be Yuta’s spot since he likes watching his dramas on Ten’s cool flat-screen TV), Jaehyun sits on the floor while Ten prepares their food in the kitchen. When he is done, he puts the bowl of nachos and the cans of beer in between them to give him enough space from Jaehyun.

He gives Jaehyun the liberty to choose the movie that they are going to watch. Ten is thankful he picks something that is not cringey – The Book Thief. Although, it is not something that Ten would watch as he is sure that he will fall asleep even before he understands the plot.

Jaehyun is quietly watching the whole time, munching on Nachos and downing two cans halfway through the movie. He seems interested in the film while Ten is trying his best to not close his eyes.  Jaehyun does not move an inch, not crossing the line that Ten has set in between them like what he has promised.

“More nachos?” Ten offers to break the silence when the credits are already rolling. The bowl is almost empty and he needs a minute to breathe, a break from Jaehyun’s presence. This is the longest he has ever been with him with just the two of them (aside from the time when they slept together but that was different because this time they are in their right minds).

“Sure.” Jaehyun smiles, flaunting his dimples. Ten is really smitten with those dimples.

Ten proceeds to the kitchen for a refill of snacks and beverages. When he comes back, Jaehyun is searching through his hard drive for more movies to watch.

“What, are you planning to stay here until tomorrow?” Ten blurts out, putting the food on the floor.

“No. Why? What time is it?” Jaehyun asks innocently, as he plays another movie. This time, it’s Ten’s favorite romance film of all fucking time – Notting Hill. Jaehyun opens another can of beer, his fourth, and in his defense, it’s light so he is still perfectly sober, and sits back comfortably to continue watching.

It is already ten in the evening and he looks like he has no plans on leaving yet.

“It’s past ten.” Ten utters, a little bit surprised with how Jaehyun is so cozy in his home.

“Oh ok.” He says, not looking from the screen.

When Notting Hill is over (and Ten is overwhelmed with feelings again because that movie never fails to unleash the hopeless romantic in him and this time it’s bad because he watched it with the guy he likes the most), Jaehyun decides to call it a night. He asks him if can walk with him until his bus stop. Jaehyun is not residing near their university for financial reasons. Ten does not have the heart and the will to refuse so he immediately says yes.  

It is a pleasant evening, cold wind hitting their faces as they walked silently side by side. There are still a lot of people in the streets, using their noise to fill in the silence between them. Jaehyun does not talk but Ten doesn’t feel alone either. His sole presence makes him warm on that cold night.

“Take care.” Ten says when they reach Jaehyun’s stop.

“Thanks for tonight. I enjoyed it a lot.” Jaehyun replies.

“It is the least I can do for your birthday.” That is the most honest statement Ten has ever said that night. Despite their mediocre ‘date’, he made Jaehyun happy on his birthday.

Jaehyun smiles before he takes out something from his duffle bag. It is a small black box with a white ribbon on top. He hands it to Ten. “Open it when you are already home.”

Ten blinks. He cannot believe he is receiving a second from Jaehyun. “What is this?” He asks, shaking the box to get a hint on what’s inside.

“You’ll know.” Jaehyun smirks. “I really planned to be with you today. Happy Valentine’s Day, Ten.”

The bus arrives on time and when Jaehyun is about to aboard, he kisses Ten on his cheek before he dashes into the vehicle. Ten is left with a fast-beating heart, his body becomes frigid as he watches the bus fades away from his sight. Electricity runs through his veins and he gets reminded of the first time Jaehyun’s lips landed on his. This is not fair. Jaehyun is not fair.

Gaining back his senses, Ten suddenly remembers that he is still in the middle of the street and some people are actually watching (and judging) him play dead while standing up. He coughs as he walks back to his apartment.

He doesn’t wait to reach home before he opens the box. Curiosity gets the best of him so he stops and sits on a deserted bench on a nearby playground. There is a tiny sticky note on the side of the box that says “I know you love surprises”.

He ignores the note and just goes to find out what is inside. To Ten’s surprise, a scary clown pops out holding a sign that says “Gotcha!” with matching evil laugh sound effects. He nearly had a heart attack because the god-forsaken thing looks terribly disgusting. It got orange messy hair, its face is so white, its mouth is as big as Doyoung’s ego and as dark as Yuta’s soul.

Ten wants to cry. Both because he is scared to walk alone now after getting freaked out by the jack-in-the-box. And, lastly, because he doesn’t know why this makes him fall for Jaehyun even harder.

*

Six days after Jaehyun’s birthday and exactly seven days before Ten’s, Jaehyun shows up again in a place where Ten least expects to see him – in the supermarket.

It is Sunday and it is the day Ten does all the house chores before he finishes the things he has to do for school. After cleaning the house and doing the laundry, he goes to the grocery to refill his fridge and buy other essentials for the house. He hasn’t showered yet and he is practically wearing his most worn-out clothes, his shirt has seven evident holes and he is sure his sweatpants smell like it hasn’t been washed since a decade ago. He is not prepared to meet Jaehyun like this.

“Ten!” Jaehyun calls out while Ten is about to enter the store with his cart. He is holding a basket meant for small items only.

Ten silently wishes for the ground to swallow him. Jaehyun is everywhere lately, catching him off-guard all the time. He tries to look unaffected, smiling naturally, and adds a small wave in the taller’s direction. “Hey!”

“It’s nice to see you.”

“Uhmm-hmm.” Ten is keeping himself from combusting. Jaehyun looks so good with just a plain shirt and board shorts on and he is wearing slippers that show his lovely toes. How is it possible to have toes this gorgeous?

“Grocery shopping too, are we?”

“Yes. Gotta keep myself from starving.”

“Cool.” Jaehyun smiles. “I am gonna do my grocery too if you don’t mind.”

Without asking for permission whatsoever, Jaehyun puts his basket inside Ten’s cart and snatches it from Ten. He pushes the cart inside the store, leaving Ten petrified yet again.

“Are you just gonna stand there?” Jaehyun says from yards away, right in the toiletries aisle.

Ten has no choice but to follow him. Jaehyun looks so excited when they start getting goods from the racks. He isn’t picking a lot, and most of the things he gets are cheaper than the ones Ten is getting. It’s quite adorable while he looks at his list and thinks about the brands he will get. He looks so independent and mature. Ten is independent, too, but his parents pay for everything and he doesn’t have money problems. Jaehyun has to live within his means. He is under scholarship and his two part-time jobs put food on his table.

“Is this your first time in the supermarket?” Ten asks while he puts two boxes of cereals in the cart. One for him, and one for Yuta and Doyoung in case those two runs out of food.

“Nope. But this is my first time with somebody for the longest time.” Jaehyun answers. “Is that cereal delicious?” He asks, pointing at the boxes of cereals.

“Yes.  Doyoung and Yuta are crazy over it.”

“Ok, then.” Jaehyun gets a smaller box for himself. Ten wants to stop him because it is quite pricey but he doesn’t want to offend him by doing so. He just let him since he seems like he is in a good mood and maybe he really wanna try it out for a change.

It does not take long for the two of them to finish shopping. Jaehyun is standing behind Ten while they are lining up to pay. Ten is texting Yuta to tell him that he can drop by in the afternoon to pick up some of the books he left in his place when Jaehyun puts his arms around Ten’s shoulders. Ten freezes and forgets to send the message he has composed for his best friend. Ten looks up at him to ask what the hell is going on and why he is suddenly touching him in a public place but he does not have the chance to speak up when Jaehyun smiles down and locks his gaze with him while Ten melts. He transforms into a goo. He cannot say anything anymore. He lets Jaehyun take his sanity again.

“Let’s eat lunch after this. My treat.” Jaehyun finally says, still looking at him straight in the eyes. Ten is certain that Jaehyun isn’t human as he can hypnotize him into saying yes.

Jaehyun brings him to a new place a few blocks away from the supermarket. Ten has never been here. The place is cozy, with brown walls covered with oriental paintings and jazz music playing in the background. With the intricate decors and expensive-looking furniture, it clearly isn’t a place for students like them.

“I work here so do not worry. I get a discount.” Jaehyun says when he notices that Ten is anxious about what to order, flipping the menu over and over again. He doesn’t want Jaehyun to spend a lot for him. Even if he isn’t the best cook out there, they can just make their own food in his kitchen to save money. “What do you want?” Jaehyun continues to assure him that it is okay.

He orders something safe and cheap - chicken. Jaehyun is trying to persuade him to get steak but Ten says he is still full and he really is in the mood for a roast chicken. Jaehyun gets steak instead and tells him that it is the house’s specialty.

While waiting for their food, Ten texts Yuta and Doyoung and tells them that he is out with Jaehyun and that he might not be home in time for them to come over. He does not know what to say or how to engage Jaehyun in conversation without alcohol to give him confidence. His two best friends find the perfect timing to be pieces of shit by ignoring his texts. He cannot stay still in his chair, cannot look at Jaehyun directly, especially after what happened in the supermarket earlier.

Ten busies himself with the paintings on the well when he feels something touches his hand. He looks down and sees that Jaehyun is already holding- massaging- his hand on his lap. Ten wants to scream, wants to call the cops because he did not ask for this. All he wanted to do that morning was to get his chores done before lunch and go home to rest and spend a bit of time with his friends. He did not wish for Jaehyun to destroy his whole being.

“What are you doing?” Ten asks, gritting his teeth.

“Holding your hand,” Jaehyun answers casually like it is normal to steal someone’s hand and caress it under the table.

“Obviously. I’m asking why?”

“I just want to hold it.” He beams and then squeezes Ten’s hand.

Ten is so done. He has had enough of Jaehyun’s game because he deserves an explanation. From the day they accidentally (or is it?) had sex to this very moment.  He does not want him to act like a boyfriend to him now without even telling him what the real score between them is. Ten does not want to assume Jaehyun likes him back because maybe he is interpreting it the wrong way. Maybe he is like this to his other friends. Guys can be nice but that doesn’t mean they like you. Ten has been in this limbo for fucking too long. He wants out. It is either heaven or hell. He is a grown man, he can go wherever. He just wants answers.

So, he takes his hand back which startles Jaehyun.

“I do not wanna play your game, Jaehyun.” Ten says with a straight face. “Do not do this if you do not like me.”

It’s like a dam of feelings has been opened and emotions suddenly begin to flood in.

“I cannot go on like this after that one-time thing we had. You cannot just do this without telling me what you really want. After that night, you talk to me as if nothing happened. I know you were drunk but I will call it bullshit if you tell me you do not remember anything. And now, this? I don’t wanna be played, Jaehyun. I like you a lot but I do not deserve this.”

Jaehyun is still looking at him as if he didn’t just have a monologue about his feelings. Ten is so furious he wants to make his face bleed.

“Who says I am playing and that I do not like you?”

“What?”

“I could kiss you right now but I do not want to embarrass you more.” Jaehyun looks around and that is when Ten realized that he was talking loudly and had already made a scene inside the restaurant. People are looking at him and probably know about their sex life at this point.

Ten covers his face with his palms. A lot is going on inside him. He is still dealing with the people looking at them while processing the fact that Jaehyun likes him too. Jung Jaehyun will be his death but he likes him too much to kill him right now.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks, placing a hand over his shoulder.

“How can I be okay after what you’ve done???!!!” Ten yells. There are legit tears in his eyes.

“Why me???”

“I HATE YOU.”

“You do not mean that.”

“Fucking try me.”

Jaehyun stands up from his chair to calm him down, wrapping his arms around his head and patting him gently. He leans on Jaehyun’s stomach and sniffs a bit of his manly scent. People are now cooing at them but still, Ten is embarrassed.

“I like you, okay?” Jaehyun whispers at him. “Now, let’s eat because I am hungry and I want to go home so we can talk in private.”

*

They did not talk when they got to ten’s apartment.

They started eating each other’s faces the moment they entered the door.

“I still cannot believe this.” Ten whines as he rolls on the bed. Jaehyun is on the other side, staring at him with a fond look in his eyes. It still feels surreal that Ten is not spending this Sunday afternoon with Yuta and Doyoung as he planned. Instead, he is in bed with Jaehyun, the person he spent three years liking from afar and never thought would feel the same. Never thought that he has liked him for quite a while too but did not have the guts to say it. What happened on Doyoung’s birthday wasn’t an accident. Jaehyun confessed he wanted that and he was sorry it had to happen that way.

Jaehyun pulls Ten back, wrapping his toned arms around Ten’s small frame. If there is a place beyond heaven, Ten is there right now. “I like you. How many times should I say it for you to believe it?”

Failing to contain his feelings, Ten resorts to burying his face in Jaehyun’s chest and Jaehyun embraces him tighter while he kisses the top of his head. They’ve been like this for hours now, kissing and hugging and exchanging words that convey their feelings. Ten dreams of getting fucked by Jaehyun on a regular basis but he hasn’t dreamed about being couply and mushy with him like this. He never imagined he would sweep him off his feet, give him horrible gifts, and take him out to lunch in a fancy restaurant that he cannot pay without a discount.

“I like you so much.” Ten murmurs. He cannot stop himself from saying it again because he is going to explode if he keeps his emotions inside.

“I know that already.” Jaehyun grins with a smug before he leans down, kissing him gently and putting a hand on his nape to support his head. It starts with just a peck but Ten opens up to let Jaehyun’s tongue invade his mouth. It spirals into an intense make-out session with a lot of tongue in a matter of seconds. He is already on top of Jaehyun, hips working double-time to turn him on.

Ten looks down to scowl at Jaehyun, panting after the kiss. Jaehyun’s mouth is swollen and glistening with spit. It’s too damn beautiful. “Asshole.”

Jaehyun smirks playfully. “The asshole you want to fuck.”

“Well. True.” Ten shrugs and thinks “and love.” But he did not say it. He saves it for later.