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There was no way anyone could have seen it coming. Glass flew while horrific sounds of twisting metal and small screams echoed in the sudden silence. Everything felt as if it had slowed right down, each second lingering. It was almost as if time itself had known that these next few seconds would be the last Leanne would ever spend with her family while they were alive. The way her husband’s arm reached for her, attempting to slow her body’s momentum. His dark blue eyes turning to her as bursting glass rained against the skin on his face. He gave her a look that she would never forget; like he knew it was the end. That was the last time she would ever feel her husband’s grasp on her body and hear her children’s voices - screams or not. With one final blow, Leanne’s head shattered the passenger side window and everything went black.
Leanne drifted in and out of consciousness as brief flashes of a man -- a cop, was trying to help her and her family. Leanne did everything in her power to stay awake, her mind and body putting up a fight. She needed to tell him what to do as she couldn’t move, she couldn’t see the state her family was in. A blessing in disguise.
She was jolted into consciousness again when the wheels of the gurney hit the hospital floor. An overwhelming feeling of confusion filling her broken body. Wide eyed, she scanned the environment around her - the ceiling tiles above raced by as her gurney was rushed into center stage. She knew she was in pain, however it was almost as if her body couldn’t register just how much pain she was in. The numbness, shock maybe, muted the voices of the familiar faces she saw around her as they battled her quickly declining body. An oxygen mask was placed on her face and within seconds, she felt someone grab her hand. Leanne attempted to turn her head despite the brace that was holding her in place. It was Jesse, he had moved himself above her so that she could see him. He was in almost as much shock as she was. Moisture collecting on his cheeks - this wasn’t good.
Leanne’s face grimaced as the staff poked and prodded at her. “Jes--”
Her voice was raspy, it’s volume barely audible as she tried to ask Jesse about her family between breathes.
Just then, Neal came out of nowhere, his hand going to her shoulder. “You’re going to be okay, Leanne.” She cringed as she opened her eyes a little wider with his fingers, shining his flashlight into her eyes - inspecting her pupils. “Pupils uneven, loss of consciousness, let’s get a CT now please.”
She didn’t care if she was going to be okay, all she wanted to know was where her family was and how they were doing. Leanne grasped onto Jesse’s arm - she couldn’t speak but she knew that he would understand. She raised her brow to him widening her eyes again as she squeezed.
Tears began streaming down his face again, “Caitlin is in surgery.”
She blinked twice, her eyes narrowing at Jesse, silently asking ‘And Eli?’
He cleared his throat and looked down, “Leanne…”
Her eyes widened again as she stared into her best friend’s face for a moment. She squeezed at the sheets below her as she realized what he was trying so very hard to say. Jesse wrapped one of Leanne’s small hands in his, “He’s gone Leanne… Elliot too.”
Leanne’s eyelashes fluttered, her focus on Jesse’s eyes faltering before she let out a painful cry. Her head arched back and her eyes squeezed shut. “No, no, no… no, NO.” Her voice a quiet broken set of hoarse wisps - the volume wavering. It was almost as if her body forgot how to collect oxygen. Suddenly, she started gasping for air. Leanne’s chest began convulsing, her lungs doing it’s very best to remember how to breathe.
“I need you you breathe, Leanne. You’re hyperventilating.” Neal looked over at her.
Jesse watched as Leanne’s eyes began to cross slightly. Her vision began to blur as her blood pressure tanked, sending the monitors into a frenzy. The bodies around her were again working vigorously.
“Neal, she’s coding!” Jesse shouted.
Neal moved the wand of the ultrasound around her belly. “Severe internal blee…” Neal’s voice trailed off as Leanne lost consciousness.
Leanne stood in the corner of the room watching as her figure on the bed was being swarmed by her friends and colleagues. Jesse remained by her head, trying to stay calm. He was whispering comments in her ear like ‘you can do this ’ and ‘stay with me’ . She scanned the faces of the other doctors and nurses working on her when she settled on Neal. He was murmuring comments under his breath, obviously doing his very best to stay professional -- despite his very close friend coding on the table in front of him.
This was so surreal, she wasn’t sure if she believed in this stuff but she was having an out of body experience. Leanne couldn’t wrap her head around what was going on. The room’s light was softer, the noises muted. She didn’t feel pain, she didn’t feel anything. That was until her eyes settled on Elliot and Eli in the opposite corner of the room. Her heart lurched in her chest. Elliot stood there, his auburn hair perfectly in place as always, his eyes as blue as ever and not a scratch on his body. Eli’s coppery brown eyes looking towards her, his mouth in the crooked little grin it always seemed to be in. They were watching her silently from a distance. Where was Caitlin? They weren’t saying a word yet they seemed perfectly content. She went to walk over to them only to find that she couldn’t move her feet. She was frozen in place. Shaking her head, a tear slipped down her cheek as she was growing frustrated. She was becoming frustrated.
“Elliot, come here. I can’t move.”
Elliot’s eyes met Eli’s before they both looked back over at her. “We can’t, honey.”
“What do you mean you can’t? Eli come to mommy.” She held out her hands, flicking her fingers towards herself.
“I can’t, mom. We have to go soon.” His voice softly echoed out to her.
“Go? Go where?”
“We’re not hurting anymore, mom. Where we’re going -- we’re not going to hurt anymore.”
Leanne shook her head a little, finding it hard to understand. She looked around the room again, as if she were looking for hints or clues to this messed up puzzle. She brought a hand to her forehead as she glanced once again at her rapidly deteriorating body.
“Well don’t leave me here, take me with you.”
“You need to fight, Lea.” Elliot spoke softly.
Suddenly, their daughter Caitlin walked out from behind Elliot’s legs, clinging onto his pant leg.
“No...” A tear slipped down Leanne’s face as she began to shake her head, wanting so desperately to be able to run to her family.
Without warning, the room flashed and Leanne could feel everything again. The pain, the shortness of breath, she even felt Jesse’s forehead on hers once again. His breath warm against her ear. She opened her eyes, the harsh light burning and making her blink rapidly. She tried to focus her sight as she looked at the people around her. Neal had just stepped back from performing CPR.
“Okay, people. Let’s continue to get that bleeding under control, okay?” He looked back down at Leanne -- bending a little, “Your daughter is fighting for her life in surgery right now. I need you to do the same okay? I need you to fight.”
Leanne’s heart heaved, she remembered her little girl showing up behind her husband’s knee just moments ago. Caitlin wasn’t fighting for her life anymore -- she was gone, she had joined Elliot and Eli. Leanne needed to see her family again, she wasn’t ready to let them go. It was easier to let go than expected -- to stop fighting. A fight she hadn’t even realized she had been battling in the first place.
Suddenly, her monitors began to blare again. Neal’s focus flew to the machine.
“We’re losing her agai…” Neal’s voice trailed off.
She looked over at her body, Neal shouting quite loudly yet appearing to be quite quiet where Leanne was. She crossed her arms and hugged her sides as she listened to the comments being made around her body.
‘More blood! Tie off this bleeder! Move!’
“Leanne, why are you,” Neal huffed in between chest compressions, “so eager to die?”
If he had known that she had just lost her entire family, that the daughter he talked about moments ago was gone.
“Because it’s the only way I can get home.” she whispered softly looking over at her small family. Without them she had no home. They were her home and she couldn’t bear to leave them.
“You need to fight, Lea.” Elliot said again.
“I don’t want to, if you’re leaving, I’m coming with you.” She shifted her body a little to the side, wiping away a trail of tears that were starting to stream down her face.
Elliot laughed a little, “You always were stubborn, weren’t you?” He picked up Caitlin and settled her on his hip. She rested her little head under his chin and stuck her thumb in her mouth. A nasty habit that her and Elliot had been trying to get her to stop doing.
Leanne rolled her eyes, “Elliot, I won’t be able to live without you.” She wiped away another tear as it ran down her cheek .
“The world still needs you, Leanne. You have so much to give. You have to stay, you have to help.”
“ You need me more!” Wet sobs began to escape her mouth. She hated that she couldn’t move her feet and run to them.
“We’ll be waiting for you, my love. Blow kisses to mommy, kids.” Little Caitlin picked up her head from her father’s chest and blew her mom a kiss. A tiny hand reaching out to wave, her fingers scrunching in and out of a fist. Smiling slightly, her little grin making Leanne tear up.
"Bye mommy..." Caitlin’s body beginning to fade.
“Love you, mom.” Eli leaned against his dad again, smiling with one side of his mouth - a trait he got from her. He too began to fade away.
“You will always be the love of my life, Leanne. Thank you for giving me such a beautiful life.” He put his index finger and middle finger to his mouth, blowing her a kiss.
“No Elliot.” She sucked in a gulp of air. “Don’t go.”
He smiled at her one last time before he too disappeared. Letting out an unbearably painful cry, she coiled to the floor. Her body had never felt more heavy, within seconds the room before her flashed once again.
“Leanne?” Jesse pulled some hair out of her face. “Leanne, wake up.” She was awake but chose to keep her eyes closed for a second longer.
She didn’t want to open her eyes, for she knew if she did, it would be official -- they would be gone. She had no reason to wake up, not anymore.
“Daddy…”
She opened her eyes slightly, the lights in the room almost blinding. Turning her head she squinted at Jesse who had her hand in his. Her eyes opened wider the more they focused on his thick facial features. She had never been in so much pain -- emotionally or physically.
Leanne turned her focus to the ceiling. Her chin began to quiver as a wall of tears filled her eyes.
“My family is gone.” She whispered hoarsely.
Jesse wasn’t quite sure how she knew that -- that her daughter didn’t make it after all, but he didn’t question it. He brought himself closer to her kissing her hand before she pulled it away and turned her head to the window.
Leanne closed her eyes again, the stream of tears unable to contain themselves as they slipped freely down her cheeks.
Her family was gone and grief was the only thing left living inside of her now.