Chapter Text
On Monday, Woohyun drives to a campsite on the outskirts of Seoul to pick Hyunsoo up from the music camp. It had been just a quick weeklong camp spanning from the previous Monday until today, but Woohyun misses him already. He sits in his car in the parking lot, the engine idling and the radio turned on, as he waits for the kids to be let out. He scrolls through his phone, checking to see if he has any new producing jobs to take on, when a bell rings and kids start flooding out. Woohyun grins despite himself, and he turns the engine off and closes the door behind him when he gets out to stand by the sidewalk.
It takes just a couple of seconds before he spots a familiar head of hair, and he kneels down and opens his arms wide as he waits for Hyunsoo to notice him. He can see the way Hyunsoo whirls around, stepping on his tiptoes and trying to crane his neck to see above the crowd, and it’s obvious, by the way Hyunsoo’s eyes widen and his hands fly up to his face, when he sees him.
“Appa!” Hyunsoo screams before he launches himself at Woohyun’s legs, his backpack huge on his tiny six-year-old body and his violin case dangling from his arm. Woohyun laughs, bright and open, and he picks his son up, backpack and violin case and all, and swings him around.
“Did you miss me, kiddo?” Woohyun asks, bouncing him in his right arm after he’s taken Hyunsoo’s case with his left hand, and Hyunsoo nods, burying his face into Woohyun’s shoulder and looping his small arms around Woohyun’s neck. Woohyun stands there for a few minutes, letting Hyunsoo cling to him, before he realizes Hyunsoo’s shaking against his chest, and whatever excitement he’d felt fades into abrupt worry. “Hey, are you okay? Hyunsoo?”
Hyunsoo sniffs, and when he lifts his head up from Woohyun’s shoulder, Woohyun can see that he’s blinking back tears from his red-rimmed eyes. “I just really really really missed you so much, appa,” he says, his fists curling into the back of Woohyun’s dress shirt, and Woohyun feels the thump when Hyunsoo’s head lolls back onto his shoulder. “A lot.”
“Let’s go home then, huh?” Woohyun says lightly, but he’s already heading back to his car and letting Hyunsoo hug him until they get on the road. He puts the case in the back seat, and when Hyunsoo clambers in next to it, Woohyun expects him to fall asleep right away. He doesn’t, though; instead, he watches Woohyun the entire ride home, as if he’s relearning the way Woohyun looks and smells and sounds like when he’s singing along to the songs on the radio.
“I missed you, too,” Woohyun says, glancing in the rearview mirror to see Hyunsoo flush. Woohyun laughs. He’s been caught. “I super super super missed you a lot. Hey, when we get home, how about you take a bubble bath? Appa will let you use the Pororo soaps.”
Woohyun keeps watching the mirror as Hyunsoo nods vigorously, his face scrunching into itself, and he chuckles to himself. He doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of the way Hyunsoo shows him how much he loves him every day.
When Woohyun gets home and unlocks the door of his place, he’s about to go to the bathroom and draw a bath when he sees Hyunsoo looking around at the walls adorned with framed awards and trophies. Hyunsoo jerks when Woohyun calls his name, motioning for him to come closer. “Hyunsoo, can you go get your clothes? Let’s go change, okay?”
Hyunsoo stands there, biting his lip and staring at Woohyun, and Woohyun gets the hint. Okay, Hyunsoo wants him to grab his clothes for him. He can do that. He crosses the hallway to Hyunsoo’s room and opens the door before going in.
“Seriously, it’s like you’ve forgotten what your own house looks like in just one week. Was camp really that fun or are you just lazy?”
Woohyun choses his favorite pair of clothes for Hyunsoo, just a simple set of a pajama shirt and pants with star prints on them, and he lays them on the bathroom counter along with some underwear. Bathtime goes smoothly, if Hyunsoo tossing entire handfuls of bubbles onto Woohyun’s shirt and pants and laughing that he’s won counts as smoothly. When Hyunsoo picks himself out of the bathtub and clambers over the edge, Woohyun has a towel ready to dry his son off.
Except there’s just one thing. Woohyun squints at the small black mark next to Hyunsoo’s ear, before he tries rubbing it with his finger. It doesn’t come off. He leans in and squints even closer, before he realizes it’s just a mole. It’s weird, though. Hyunsoo hadn’t had one there before camp; maybe being in the sun for so long caused some moles to appear in random places. Woohyun shrugs, and he pulls the star print shirt over Hyunsoo’s arms, and when his son looks up at him and smiles, there’s nothing Woohyun can do but to smile back.
But then Woohyun starts noticing things. They’re just little things, but they’re things Woohyun had overlooked earlier, and now he doesn’t know why he’d done that. He notices the way Hyunsoo keeps looking around the house like it’s the first time he’s seeing all of the photos Woohyun has of his son when he was younger. He notices the way Hyunsoo walks into the kitchen and goes through all of the drawers looking for cereal before Woohyun asks him if he remembers that the cereal’s in the pantry.
He notices the way Hyunsoo’s smile isn’t as wide as it was before, the way Hyunsoo’s eyes are just a little bigger now, the way Hyunsoo folds his hands behind his back when he doesn’t have anything else to do, a gesture Woohyun’s never seen him do before, and then he starts to wonder.
It’s a Thursday night after Hyunsoo’s taken a bath and he's sitting up in bed just reading that Woohyun comes into his room with the violin case in hand. He watches the way Hyunsoo’s eyes flicker down to the case before up at Woohyun’s face again before he closes his book and puts it away. “Hi appa!”
“Hey, Hyunsoo,” Woohyun starts, and he sits down on the chair next to the bed, the one he always sat on to read to his son when he didn’t know his words yet. “I was just wondering, but could you play me a song? What did you learn at camp?”
“I’m sleepy, appa,” Hyunsoo says, and there’s a wobble in his voice when he speaks up. “Maybe tomorrow?”
Woohyun knows for sure now. Hyunsoo would’ve leapt at the chance to show Woohyun just what he learned at camp, but he’s not doing anything now. Woohyun stares at the boy in front of him, the enormity of what’s happening starting to dawn on him, and he has to will himself not to cry.
“You don’t play the violin, do you? You’re not Hyunsoo, are you?” Woohyun asks. The boy’s eyes widen, and when his small hands fly to his mouth again in shock, Woohyun notices that his fingernails are clipped short in a way that means his hands have probably been dancing across black and white keys, not holding a bow. Woohyun steels himself and then he says, gentle and soft, “Hi, Hyunwoo. I missed you.”
He’s prepared for it when the boy throws himself into Woohyun’s arms, and Woohyun doesn’t hesitate before he hugs him back, his arms tight around Hyunwoo’s body. Now that he knows, it’s obvious that the kid he’s holding isn’t the one he’d taken with him so many years ago. He breathes in, and he can smell, underneath the lavender-scented shampoo he’d used on Hyunwoo tonight, something different from what Hyunsoo smells like.
Woohyun’s heart clenches with longing and hurt, and he pats down Hyunwoo’s hair, pressing light kisses to his forehead. Hyunwoo sniffs before he pulls away, wiping his nose with his blanket, and Woohyun pats him on the head when he scoots underneath the covers again. “We’ll talk about this in the morning, okay? Goodnight, Hyunwoo.”
Woohyun leans on the wall outside the door and closes his eyes for what feels like an eternity. They’d been so happy to have kids back then, and they’d picked out clothes and names and everything months in advance. The first few months had been amazing, and Woohyun thinks that he’ll always remember the way he’d felt when he’d seen them both for the first time, mirror images of each other swaddled in blue blankets.
But then they’d argued about something so inane and trivial that Woohyun has no idea why they’d even argued in the first place, and Woohyun had taken one of the twins and he’d left, crashing at his friends’ houses until he could get back onto his feet with producing and composing for idol singers. It’s what he’s done ever since, and it pays good money, enough to keep him and Hyunsoo fed and clothed and healthy. Woohyun wonders, idly, if he’s having fun, if teaching music at an elementary school in Jeonju is enough for him.
Woohyun doesn’t sleep that night. He spends the entire night tossing and turning and wondering if Hyunsoo’s sleeping in an apartment hundreds of kilometers away, wondering if Hyunsoo’s been found out as well.
On Friday, early in the morning before Hyunwoo wakes up, Woohyun picks up his phone and dials a number he hasn’t called in years, and he paces around the kitchen as he waits for the call to go through. A click, and then—
“I knew you would call.”
Flat. Neutral. Woohyun can’t make out the emotions, if any, in that voice, and he swallows.
“I think we have to talk, Sunggyu-hyung.”
Sunggyu says that they should meet up on Saturday at noon at the park by the train station. Woohyun says okay, that’s fine with him. Sunggyu says that he’ll bring everything Hyunsoo had brought with him since he doesn’t know what’s Hyunsoo’s and what’s Hyunwoo’s. Woohyun says okay, he’ll do the same thing. Sunggyu says that he’s sorry for the inconvenience, and Woohyun doesn’t know how to answer.
“Yeah, me too,” Woohyun says, hoarsely, even though he’s anything but sorry that he got to see his son again.
Sunggyu’s quiet, then, so long that Woohyun thinks he might’ve hung up, but then he says, “See you tomorrow, Woohyun.”
“See you tomorrow, hyung.”
When Woohyun hangs up, he spots movement out of the corner of his eye, but when he turns to look at the hallway, there’s nothing there. Except, and Woohyun squints, just a little sliver of a star print shirt poking out behind the wall.
“I know you’re there, Hyunwoo,” Woohyun drawls while stepping closer as stealthily as he can. “You’re not that good of a hider, I bet I would’ve caught you in two seconds if we were playing hide and seek.”
He hears a soft giggle from behind the wall before he jumps forward and ends up hugging just thin air. “Hyunwoo, you wanna play? Let’s play, then,” Woohyun says before shutting the door of his room behind him.
“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Woohyun sings, and he hears a barely stifled laugh from behind his bed. He keeps his steps as light and as quiet as he can as he makes his way across the room. “Oh no, where’s Hyunwoo? I can’t find him anymore. Oh no, I guess I just have to leave him at home?”
Another soft giggle, and then Woohyun pounces, enveloping Hyunwoo’s crouched form as he leaps over the bed and hugs Hyunwoo tightly as he screams. Woohyun pulls him closer and carries him into the air, keeping his arms locked together even as Hyunwoo tries to squirm out.
“Appa, you said you couldn’t find me!” Hyunwoo whines even as his hands wind around Woohyun’s neck. He’s light in Woohyun’s arms, and he can’t remember the last time Hyunsoo had let him carry him like this, saying that he was too old to be carried.
“I always know where you are, okay? Aren’t you tired? Don’t you want breakfast?” Woohyun carries Hyunwoo out into the kitchen before letting him choose where he wants to sit.
“Can I have some brownies?” Hyunwoo asks, his eyes large and wide. He points to the box of sea salt brownies Woohyun had picked up on a whim at the grocery store the week before, and when he pouts at Woohyun, his lower lip jutting out like that, Woohyun can’t say no.
It’s hard to say no to Hyunwoo, especially knowing that this might be the last time he gets to talk to his son like this. He doesn’t want to admit this, but he’s dreading tomorrow. There are just hours left until he has to bring Hyunwoo to the park and watch him leave, and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to make him dinner and tuck him into bed again.
Later that night, after Hyunwoo’s had his bubble bath and Woohyun’s read to him before bed, Woohyun’s about to turn off the light when he hears Hyunwoo’s voice pipe up. “Appa?”
“Yeah, Hyunwoo?” Woohyun turns, but it’s hard to see Hyunwoo’s face in the dim light. Hyunwoo’s not looking at him anyway, his face turned towards the wall.
“Appa,” Hyunwoo starts, and then he hiccups. Woohyun wonders why, before he realizes the soft sounds Hyunwoo’s making are barely stifled sobs. “Why didn’t you choose me?”
Woohyun’s across the room before he knows it, holding Hyunwoo tight to his chest and smoothing his hair down and trying to calm him down. He falls asleep like that, with his tears drying on his cheeks, and as Woohyun takes a tissue and wipes his face clean, he knows that now that he knows how loving both of the boys are, he would’ve wanted to take both of them.
He would’ve loved the two of them as much as he loves Hyunsoo and more, but he knows, deep in his heart, that if he’d asked for both of the boys, it would’ve killed him to see Sunggyu alone without someone by his side.
It’s what Woohyun thinks about the next morning on the drive to the park. Hyunwoo’s uncharacteristically quiet in the back seat, staring out of the window, but Woohyun lets him be. Hyunwoo unbuckles his seat belt when they get to the park, and he reaches up for Woohyun’s hand as they walk in.
Woohyun’s heart nearly skips a beat when he sees Sunggyu’s unmistakable figure crouched next to a smaller, hunched over silhouette. Sunggyu’s running his hands over the boy’s back, rubbing in small circles, and Woohyun knows exactly when Sunggyu notices him there because he looks up and their eyes meet for the first time in years.
Sunggyu stands and straightens, picking Hyunsoo up and continuing to pat his back. “Hi.”
“It’s been a while,” Woohyun says, and then the rest of his words are stuck in his throat. Sunggyu looks good. He looks everything like what Woohyun had imagined him to look like, like what Woohyun had imagined waking up to every morning so many years ago. He steps closer, feeling Hyunwoo’s hand tighten on his own.
Woohyun swallows before he places his hand on Hyunwoo’s back and gently pushes. “Hyunwoo, go back to appa.”
Hyunwoo takes a single step forward before he stops and stands there, and Woohyun’s about to ask what’s wrong when Hyunwoo starts crying. “I don’t want just one appa,” he sobs. “I want both of you.”
Hyunsoo buries his face into Sunggyu’s shoulder, sniffling, and Woohyun watches the way Sunggyu gives them a look he can’t quite place before he ruffles Hyunsoo’s hair.
“You two are such crybabies,” he teases, but there’s something tight, something pinched in his face. “Seriously, where did you get that from?”
Hyunwoo only cries harder and louder, and Woohyun’s vaguely aware that they’re starting to attract attention from passersby when Hyunwoo grabs Woohyun’s pant leg and drags him forward to where Sunggyu’s standing. He takes one look at the expression on Sunggyu’s face before he knows he has to act now if he doesn’t want to do something drastic.
Woohyun doesn’t have many regrets. He’s always prided himself on taking the leap on what matters to him, on doing the best he can in everything he does. He’ll always regret this, though, the way he reaches out and takes Hyunsoo from Sunggyu’s arms and walks back to his car, trying to ignore the way Hyunwoo’s screams only get louder and louder the further away he walks.
Putting Hyunsoo to sleep that night is the hardest thing he’s done. Hyunsoo doesn’t stop crying and asking for appa, and Woohyun knows he’s not the appa Hyunsoo’s looking for. Woohyun notices, when Hyunsoo buries his face against his chest, that the skin near Hyunsoo’s ear is completely free of any black blemishes, and for a second, his chest aches. His phone rings a few minutes after Hyunsoo quiets down, his small hands still fisted in his blanket, and Woohyun knows who it is without having to look at the screen.
“Hyung? Did something happen? Did you get home safely?”
“Hi,” Sunggyu says. There’s more than just a little exhaustion in his voice when he asks, “Hyunsoo giving you trouble too?”
“Yeah,” Woohyun sighs. He hears rustling on Sunggyu’s end of the call before a door closes and the rustling stops.
“Do you think we could—” Woohyun starts at the same time Sunggyu says, “So, I was thinking—”
They both pause, and Woohyun thinks to himself that nothing between them has changed, really, that it’s like they can still read each others’ minds they way they did so many years ago.
“You start, hyung,” Woohyun says, his fingers fiddling with the soft cotton of his sleep shorts. He’s nervous and his heart is thundering in his chest, and he doesn’t even know why.
“I was thinking if I could maybe bring Hyunwoo up to Seoul again? If I could bring him up regularly? I mean, it doesn’t have to be every week, it can be every month if you’re busy, but,” and Sunggyu swallows audibly over the phone, “I just don’t think they should be alone anymore.”
“Yeah, that,” and Woohyun doesn’t know how he manages to get his next words out, not when there’s a huge lump in his throat he can’t seem to get rid of. “I’d love it. Every week would be best if you can, I think.” He adds, quickly, “For the kids.”
“For the kids,” Sunggyu agrees. The line is silent for a while before he speaks up again. “Goodnight, then, Woohyun. It was good seeing you again.”
“You too, hyung. Sleep well.”
Woohyun starts to look forward to Saturdays more than he ever did before, and he knows that Hyunsoo feels the same. When Sunggyu brings Hyunwoo up from Jeonju, it’s like the twins have been together their entire lives when they start chatting and playing with each other without a single thing separating them.
Sometimes, they go to the park, and Hyunsoo races Hyunwoo around the grounds before they tackle each other to the grass, rolling around and getting each other covered with green. Sometimes, they go down to the river, and Woohyun watches as Sunggyu stands behind the twins as they crouch down by the banks, staring at the fish in the water.
“Can we eat them?” Hyunsoo asks, pointing to one of them, sparkling red and gold in the water.
“Can we keep them?” Hyunwoo adds, pointing to another one, shining green and blue.
“No and no,” Sunggyu sighs.
“Aw,” they chorus, before Hyunsoo gets distracted by a butterfly and drags Hyunwoo up to go chase it.
Woohyun’s there on the picnic blanket they’d brought out when the kids get tired of playing, and they collapse onto his legs and open their mouths to be fed. Sunggyu obliges, pressing pieces of kimbap into their mouths, and he pokes their cheeks as they eat. “Really, who taught you to be like this?”
Woohyun turns to Sunggyu and opens his mouth, and Sunggyu blinks. Woohyun holds his gaze, and when the kids notice, they sit up and start tugging at Sunggyu’s sleeve.
“Wait, appa, feed me first,” they whine, and Sunggyu laughs.
“This is where they got it from, huh,” Sunggyu mumbles as he takes another piece of kimbap and shoves it unceremoniously into Woohyun’s mouth. Woohyun chews as loudly and as messily as he can, raising his eyebrows at the twins when they start whining again.
“I was here first,” Woohyun protests. “I deserve more food than you guys do.”
When they mob him, Hyunsoo tackling his chest and Hyunwoo glomming onto his legs, Sunggyu laughs, and Woohyun thinks that he would get tackled by two six year olds as many times as it takes for him to hear that again.
One week, Woohyun tells Sunggyu not to bring any food when he comes to Seoul on Saturday and not to have any previous plans made, and he can hear the confusion in Sunggyu’s voice when Woohyun says he has an adventure planned.
“Don’t worry about it,” Woohyun assures him over his objections. “It’s seriously fine. It’s for the kids.”
It ends up being a trip to the aquarium. Woohyun gives Hyunsoo and Hyunwoo both wide-brimmed straw hats, and when they’re standing there like that in identical polos and khaki shorts and sneakers, Woohyun thinks that it really is hard to tell them apart. It’s impossible to see the minute differences in their faces when they stand like this, their shoulders pressed together and the same grins stretching across their lips.
Woohyun thinks that everyone passing by them would know for sure that the two of them are brothers, if not identical twins, and that fills him with a feeling that he can’t quite name yet. He packs them into the car along with the bright yellow backpacks he’d bought for them and filled with snacks and water, and the entire way there, Hyunwoo and Hyunsoo sing the opening theme song of one of those Sunday morning cartoons together. Sunggyu sighs, exasperated, in the passenger seat next to Woohyun, but out of the corner of his eye, Woohyun can still see Sunggyu turning in his seat to take his phone out to record them.
When they get to the aquarium, Hyunsoo spends the entire time staring at the turtles with Sunggyu, while Hyunwoo takes Woohyun’s hands and drags him over to the dolphin exhibition. He tugs at Woohyun’s sleeve when they’re there, and Woohyun takes it as his cue to lift Hyunwoo onto his shoulders so he can get a better view.
Hyunwoo’s hands find their way to Woohyun’s face, and Woohyun feels him squishing his cheeks and pressing his lips together.
“Are you making me have a funny face?” Woohyun asks, and the only reply he gets back is a giggle. “Can’t trust you, huh?”
They regroup at the exit, and there’s a mural there that Hyunsoo and Hyunwoo and Sunggyu all want to take a picture with, so Woohyun goes off to find an attendant to help them. They stand there in front of the mural, with the kids in front of them, and when the flash goes off, Woohyun can’t help thinking about how much he loves the four of them being together like this.
When the attendant goes over to Woohyun to pass back his phone, she whispers, “You have a beautiful family.” Woohyun doesn’t bother correcting her before she leaves with a quick bow and a smile.
As the weeks go by, Woohyun starts to notice that Sunggyu brings more things with him, that Sunggyu stays longer. At first, he’d brought just a backpack with him with lunch for him and Hyunwoo, enough food for them to spend a few hours with Woohyun and Hyunsoo and then make it back to Jeonju before it got dark. Then, Sunggyu starts bringing dinner and a change of clothes for Hyunwoo, and when he leaves for the train station, it’s already dark and quiet out.
One night, Woohyun decides that it’ll be all or nothing. There’s a keyboard in the studio he uses at work, and he brings it home before Sunggyu and Hyunwoo get there. They spend the day making pizza and watching movies, and it’s still a great day, even if Hyunsoo cuts himself with the cheese grater and Hyunwoo drops a bowl of sauce.
Once they’ve all been cleaned up, Woohyun leads the kids and Sunggyu to the living room, and he sees the moment that Sunggyu notices the keyboard sitting in the corner of the room. Woohyun clears his throat and holds out the violin case he’s been hiding behind his back to Hyunsoo, who takes it.
“Hyunwoo, you can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, right?”
Hyunwoo nods, his fingers fisting in the hems of his shirt.
“Hyunsoo, you can too, right?”
Hyunsoo casts a quick glance at Hyunwoo before he nods as well.
“Do you two want to try playing together?” Woohyun asks, and he looks at Sunggyu just to gauge his reaction when Hyunwoo takes a seat at the keyboard and Hyunsoo stands next to him, positioning his violin on his shoulder.
It turns out he doesn’t really need to wonder about what Sunggyu thinks, because when they’re done, Sunggyu rushes forward so he can hug the two of them, even when Hyunwoo’s hands are still on the keys and Hyunsoo’s still holding his bow and violin.
“Come here, you,” Sunggyu mumbles into Hyunwoo’s hair, and his voice sounds the way it always did when he tried to hide his tears back then. Woohyun knows he’s being called, and he goes over and hugs the three of them until Hyunsoo starts complaining that it’s too tight and Hyunwoo starts whining that it’s too squishy, and he finally lets go.
Woohyun finds Sunggyu on the couch after they’ve put the kids to bed. Sunggyu had tried to object, saying that it wasn’t too late to go home, but Woohyun had pointed out that the last train had already left and Sunggyu didn’t really have any other options available to him. The kids had been fine with the two of them sharing Hyunsoo’s bed, and Woohyun knows he’ll cherish the image of Hyunsoo and Hyunwoo curled into each other under the same blanket forever.
“I hate you,” Sunggyu says, without any malice, as he blows his nose into a tissue.
“Love you too,” Woohyun says automatically, his usual response six years ago to anything Sunggyu had said, and then he freezes at the same time Sunggyu looks up at him.
They’re both thinking about it, Woohyun’s sure. They’d been on track to become musicians six years ago, before the twins had happened. But when they were born, Sunggyu had given up his career to be with them as much as he could, staying at home so he could tend to their every need, and Woohyun had stayed home with him, lending a helping hand whenever Sunggyu needed it.
Then out of the blue, Woohyun had started to miss his work intensely and deeply, started missing the way he’d felt after successfully recording a song, started missing the way all of the synthesizers and mixers felt underneath his fingers. He’d gone home to Sunggyu and the kids, who were barely a year old, and he’d told Sunggyu exactly that, and Sunggyu had said that maybe their lives weren’t compatible anymore.
They’d sat down and talked about it, how Woohyun didn’t seem to want to devote as much time to taking care of the kids as Sunggyu could, how Sunggyu didn’t seem to want to go back to work. Their break up had been on good terms, with Sunggyu sending Woohyun photos of Hyunwoo in his onesies and Woohyun sending Sunggyu videos of Hyunsoo eating. But the photos and videos had declined over time until they’d become nothing at all.
Woohyun had missed Hyunwoo so much, and Sunggyu even more, but he’d quashed his feelings down and focused on being the best father he could to Hyunsoo. He thinks he’s been successful; he hadn’t usually thought about Hyunwoo and Sunggyu that much unless he was drunk or especially lonely, when their penthouse apartment was dark and quiet at night and Woohyun just wanted someone else to be there with him.
It’s his chance now, finally, to take everything back that he’s already thrown away, and he’s about to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness and ask Sunggyu to come back to him when Sunggyu speaks up.
“I’m sorry,” Sunggyu says first, abruptly, and his words come out in a rush like he’s been waiting to say this for a very long time. His fingers work at the cotton of the sweatpants he’s borrowed from Woohyun for tonight, and he stares down at his hands for a long time before he looks back up at Woohyun. “I shouldn’t have ended it so quickly. I should’ve been willing to work with you. To compromise. It wasn’t fair to the kids.”
“No, I am, too.” The fault is barely Sunggyu’s, and Woohyun doesn’t understand why he’s shouldering the blame when it had been Woohyun who’d decided he loved producing more than he wanted to be with Sunggyu. Woohyun stares down at the couch and tries to ignore the way Sunggyu’s hand is right there, close enough for him to hold. “I should’ve been willing to give more. To stay with them. But I chose my job over the kids.”
“I guess we’re both sorry, huh?” Sunggyu’s eyes crinkle into half moons, and this time, Woohyun doesn’t hold himself back, and his fingers close over Sunggyu’s. He tries to express everything he can through his grip, all of his earnest longing and all of his regret for ever saying that he couldn’t give his time to both of the kids.
“Let’s start over?” Woohyun whispers, and he closes his eyes. He’d thought that he could deal with being around Sunggyu for so long and keep telling himself that he’d have to keep things strictly platonic for the kids, but he can’t. Being around Sunggyu for so many weeks now, just one day a week that Woohyun always looks forward to at the end of a long five days at work has only made him realize just how much he needs Sunggyu, how much being with him feels like he’s home, no matter where he is.
But he doesn’t know if Sunggyu’s already found someone else, if Hyunwoo already has another appa that isn’t him. He hasn’t bothered asking, has always been afraid of hearing the truth. Just in case, though, he screws his eyes shut and listens to the way they’re breathing in synchronization, and he tries to ignore the way his body is telling him that Sunggyu’s hand fits so perfectly in his, like two long lost puzzle pieces that have come back together. He can’t bear to see the expression on Sunggyu’s face anymore, doesn’t want to see the rejection deep in Sunggyu’s eyes and written all over his face.
Instead, Sunggyu’s fingers tighten around his own before Woohyun feels Sunggyu’s lips against his cheek, soft and gentle, before he pulls back. Woohyun opens his eyes and stares at the way Sunggyu’s smiling at him now, shy and unsure, like it’s their first time meeting. Woohyun blinks at Sunggyu, who shifts his hand around Woohyun’s so he can lace their fingers together. “Let’s start again.”