Chapter Text
She does not know where she is, and it scares her.
She does not know who she is, and that terrifies her.
All she knows is that she’s in a dream.
She’s walking toward somewhere on a long carpeted hall..step..step..step, the slow beat matching the rhythm of her heart.
Nice smell…
Ah, it must be from the flowers she holds in her hands, spider lilies, red as roses, red as blood.
And yet it doesn’t feel right.
The petals slowly drift down, leaving a trail behind her, somehow they’re in front of her too and she ends up following the crimson line because she knows they’ll lead her to…
Who? Who is at the end? Someone important, this she’s certain of. But if he’s so important, why can’t she remember his name?
It seems never ending; will she keep on marching forever? She’s down to her last petal when she stops in front of a figure all in black.
She lifts her head but she still can’t make out his face, the features too indistinct; it feels like trying to grasp smoke between her fingers.
He’s murmuring something and she strains to hear it. Is he calling out her name?
But before he finishes, she hears something else.
...-ma
What?
MAMA!
She wakes.
o
She wakes violently; there is no peaceful easing into the world waiting for her. She clenches her fingers and finds herself gripping dirt. She’s lying down on the bare ground somewhere, in what looks like a park. Over her prone body, a little girl is shaking her and crying her heart out.
‘Please don’t die Mama.’
She’s like an empty vessel, everything still feels hazy, but her own soul wails in response to the girl’s tears. She tries to sit up and card her fingers through her hair, hoping to soothe her.
The little girl looks up in surprise and she finds herself wrought with overwhelming familiarity. It’s like looking into a misty mirror, seeing her reflection, but not quite.
The child’s hair is darker than her own rich brown shade, while her eyes are a pale blue, like clear lakes overflowing. The crown on her head, made out of golden foil, tugs at something within her. She tries to capture a spark of memory.
‘Mi’ for ‘beautiful’ and ‘ou’ for ‘cherry blossoms’…no, ‘ou’ means ‘thread’.
“It’s alright Mio-chan. Mama’s alright.”
Mio’s small arms encircle her neck and she rubs at her back to calm her. She notices how the red sweater she’s wearing has already frayed, leaving only half of it on her body, while the rest of the yarn spools into the distance.
“My sweater,” she sniffles, “And I was going to play Princesses and Knights with Dai-kun and Jirou today too.”
“It’s okay. Papa will make you a new one,” How does she know that? “And we can come back to Auntie Kofuku’s place tomorrow. You can play with Dai-kun then.” She feels the child, her child, nod against her shoulder.
“Let’s go home.”
She follows the red thread back.
o
She’s not sure what to expect at the end, certainly not a quaint Japanese-style house.
In the garden, there is a man nailing two wooden boards together. He’s wearing track pants and simple white shirt, while his hair, darker the Mio’s, darker than night, is held up in a ponytail. From here, she still can’t make out his face and it frustrates her.
“Papa!” He turns at the sound of Mio’s voice. “My darling angel! And my beautiful goddess! What are you two doing back home so early?”
She thinks his doting voice is at odds with his appearance. He has the same beautiful eyes as Mio, but on him, she suspects that they can turn as cold as frost, freezing one’s blood in their veins. But again she knows deeply in her soul, his gaze will never turn lethal when on her.
Their eyes meet, and the spark of memory becomes a fire. He goes over and hugs them both, and relieves her, to take Mio into his arms. He then murmurs against her hair, “Welcome back Hiyori.”
Hiyori Hiyori Hiyori Hiyori
How could she have forgotten her own name? But it’s ok now, because she remembers.
“We’re home Yato.”
She still feels like she’s forgetting something.
o
As expected he freaks, when he finds out that she fainted at the park.
“It was just a dizzy spell, anata.”
He’s not convinced but there’s nothing else she can think of to explain it. She surprises him again when she asks to look at their wedding pictures after he’s rocked Mio to sleep.
“Feel like reminiscing Hiyori?”
“Something like that.”
They sit cross-legged on the floor, her slightly leaning on him, amidst pictures of white, pink and yellow. Not a hint of red in any of them. She listens, a bit sleepily, as Yato recounts their history.
“I mean I don’t blame your mom, or your brother for refusing to give their blessing at first. I still can’t believe I’m in-laws with that asshole now, Sera or Masaomi or whatever. Anyway, I was a college dropout. I used to agree with them that I’d never be good enough for you and I’d only distract you from med school.”
“Don’t say that.” She murmurs against his shoulder.
He beams happily at her. “I don’t think that anymore.” He picks up a picture of the both of them with Hiyori’s parents, brother and grandmother. “Who would have thought it’d be your pops who’d be my sole ally? I was still saving for a ring then, but he was probably impressed I handmade your wedding dress myself.” He puffs up his chest self-importantly in that characteristic way of his that she has to smile.
“Father’s always been a romantic.”
They look through more of the pictures. She finds one of Kazuma-san and Viina-san, both dashing in matching groomsman and bridesmaid outfits. Predictably, Yato’s mood sours when she looks at the ‘Psycho Nympho’.
Hiyori sighs in exasperation. “You still haven’t made up?”
“That bit-“
“Anata!” She inclines her head towards the next room where Mio is sleeping soundly.
“-sorry, crazy chick, stole my room mate from me!”
“If we weren’t already married, I’d think you were jealous and wanted Kazuma-san for yourself.”
He flings his arms around her, crushing her in a suffocating hug. “You’ve got it backwards Hiyori! My heart has always been yours. I told Kazuma I’d be your husband a year after meeting you. Heartbroken, he had to turn to that skank as a second-place replacement for me.”
“I get it-oof-Yato let go of me before I use Tono-sama’s moves to break your spine again.”
She spies one of Ebi holding a cushion and coos at how cute he is. Then, she spies the rings, and a bit confused she asks Yato. “Ebi was our ringbearer?”
“Uhuh.” He nods distractedly, flicking through the photos in his hands.
“What about Kofuku-san?”
“What about her? She was one of your bridesmaids. Here,” He tosses her a photo. In it Kofuku-san and Daikoku-san are wearing the same silvery-white outfits as Kazuma-san and Viina-san from earlier. “I was half-thinking of not inviting her to the wedding because of how unlucky that gal is, but to actually have her be in charge of the rings..brrr..I’m getting shivers just thinkin’ ‘bout it.” He rubs his arms for good measure.
Strange, Hiyori thinks. She would have thought that Kofuku-san would have had more of a hand in bringing them together. But why would she think that? Girls aren’t usually given the role of a ring bearer.
Shaking of the out-of-place thought, she cheers looking at a picture of her in her wedding dress with her two best friends on either side, joy painted on each of their faces, even as tears cling to their eyelashes like dew drops.
She laughs suddenly and Yato asks her what’s funny.
“Remember how Ami-chan and Yama-chan argued about who’d get to be the maid of honor?”
“Yeah,” He smiles, sharing in her mirth, “They decided to jankenpon for it.”
“But then Yama-chan decided to be a bridesmaid instead so she could match with Abe-san. Ami-chan was so mad. It felt like she didn’t win at all.”
She remembers wanting to aim during the toss so that Ami-chan could the one to catch the bouquet. She failed however, and someone else caught it, but for the life of her, she can’t remember who it was. Maybe it’s because a lot of time has passed since then that the memory has worn at the edges leaving holes.
“I guess that’s the problem with having two best friends.” But she knows she wouldn’t trade them for anything.
“I guess I’m lucky then.” He looks at her, his eyes like two moons shining. “I married one of mine, so I didn’t have to choose one over the other for my best man.”
It clicks the same time he hands her a picture of him in a white tux accompanied, by a boy in his late teens in the same white garb. The color suits his golden hair and amber eyes. It looks like he’s wearing a halo.
“Yukine-kun!”
Really, how could she have forgotten?
“We’ll be seeing him at the flower-viewing the day after the next.”
As they’re putting away the albums, a thought occurs to her, like finding a stray puzzle piece after the picture’s complete. “I didn’t see your sister or your father in any of the pictures.”
Yato looks at her strangely. “My parents died before I met you Hiyori.” Concern is swimming in his eyes. “And I don’t have a sister.”
“You’re right. What am I saying? Sorry, anata.” She laughs carelessly to dispel the uncomfortable feeling gripping her.
“I must be getting old. I can’t remember everything properly anymore.”
“Still beautiful though.” It’s cheesy but Yato says it with such sincerity that she has to blush. “And if you’re old, I must be ancient!” The crow lines starting to form around his eyes prove it. But it’s still the same face that she fell in love with, the one she cradles under her palm.
o
As they walk to the cherry blossom tree that is to be their meeting place, Hiyori feels excited. Her own excitement, however, is nothing compared to that of her two companions.
“Hurry Papa! I wanna see Yuki-nii, and Dai-kun, and Viina-baa-san, and Kofuku-baa-san and..” Mio pauses to gulp air from her perch in her father’s arm. Her brown-black hair is tied into two pigtails. She’d insisted Papa do one, while Mama do the other, the effect being that the two weren’t quite even.
“Hey kiddo, remember to breathe.” He chuckles, and jostles Mio to secure his grip. His other hand clasps Hiyori’s loosely, while she holds the picnic basket in the other.
“Looks like we’re the first ones here,” declares Yato, but it isn’t quite true. There, Hiyori spots an olive-colored shaped front of the tree. She lets go of Yato’s hand to practically fly at the boy, tackling him in a wide hug.
“Yukine-kun!”
“Woah!”
The momentum causes both of them to topple over. Hiyori’s face is wet and she thinks she might be bleeding, but it’s only tears. “Hi-Hiyori?!”
She can’t answer his unspoken question. She doesn’t know herself why she reacted the way she did, as if she’d never see Yukine-kun again if she didn’t pin him down in that instant.
“Uh..I missed you too.” His face is warm where it connects with her cheek. He feels warm, alive.
“HEY YOU SHITTY KID! GET AWAY FROM MY WIFE!”
“CALM DOWN, YOU SAD EXCUSE FOR A PERSON. AND DON’T SWEAR. YOU’LL CONTAMINATE MIO-CHAN.”
Yato seems to collect himself at that, slapping a hand over his own mouth. Hiyori laughs, free and unburdened. She was worried for nothing. She’s home and she’s safe.
Mio goes over to give her nii-chan a hug as well. Yukine dusts off his knees as Yato helps her up and she notices that Yukine-kun is almost as tall as she is now. How?
They exchange their usual barbs, but it’s the good-natured kind. From the way Yato ruffles Yukine-kun's hair and how Yukine-kun doesn’t immediately swat it away, it’s clear they missed each other too.
From there, everyone starts to arrive like trickling water. Kazuma-san and Viina-san, back from their overseas trip, along with their co-employees, Kofuku-san and Daikoku-san, with their son Daigo-kun, Tenjin-san and his co-teachers, Tsuyu-san and Mayu-san, everyone’s together and the restless feeling in Hiyori’s heart settles.
“Tenjin-sensei! Look I finished all of my practice kanji.”
“That you did Mio-chan. Your calligraphy looks wonderful.”
“I can’t believe a child of yours would be this cute Yato. Mio’s lucky to get EVERYTHING from her mother.”
“Shut it crazy chick! If you’re jealous, make your own babies with Kazuma.”
“YATO!”
“Hey kid, we could use your help back at the store again.”
“I’d appreciate it Daikoku-san since I’m still paying off my student loans.”
“Oh, do you still have a lot left? That Yato- if only he was more responsible, you wouldn’t have any loans at all.”
“..I can’t disagree with you there Mayu-san. But if it weren’t for Yato, I wouldn’t have been able to finish college in the first place. Please don’t tell him I said that. He’ll be obnoxious.”
“Aww! Dai-kun and Mio-chan are so cuuuute! I hope they get married soon. Then we’ll be in-laws with Hiyorin!”
“Kofuku, they’re just kids. Also, we’ll have to be in-laws with Yato.”
“WHASSAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”
The cacophony of noise calms her and she serenely listens to it. She takes note of where Mio is playing with Dai-kun, throwing sakura petals into the air, with Jirou barking at their heels. She has a wide smile on her face, curved like a crescent moon. It’s no wonder, she loves the sakura as much as..
She whips her head suddenly towards Yato who’s already started his drinking spree. She doesn’t know why she expected him to look wistful, but he just looks carelessly happy, cheeks already flushed from the alcohol. Their eyes meet and he raises his brow slightly.
She smiles widely to reassure him, hoping he doesn’t notice it cracking around the corners.
o
It is as they’re going back home, swinging Mio from between their arms that their daughter wishes for a cat.
“I want a pet just like Dai-kun. I’ll name the kitty ‘Milord’, after Mama’s favorite wrestler!”
“What do you think Hiyori?” Yato asks her.
“I don’t see the problem as long as she promises to take care of it..” Suddenly she’s in another place even as she feels her daughter’s small hand anchoring her.
I promise…
“Hmm..you’re right. Also, people who own pets can’t get married,” he says matter-of-factly, “Take that Dai-kun! No way you’re taking my precious angel away from me.” He starts to laugh maniacally.
“Anata,” she sighs, even as she’s trying to fight an oncoming headache, “You can’t pick a fight with a..” Wait how old is Dai-kun again? How about Mio-chan? Why can’t she remember her daughter’s age?
Something threatens to choke her. She feels lightheaded and nauseous.
Seemingly not noticing his wife drifting, Yato continues from where she left off. “Just because Daigo’s five, doesn’t mean he’s not a boy. All boys are enemies to a daughter’s father! I won’t make exception just because we know his parents.”
Five. Mio is five years old. Hiyori breathes a deep sigh of relief.
A 5-yen coin bouncing and glinting in the sun…
“You heard Mama. Do you promise to take care of Milord?” Why does Yato’s voice seem so fuzzy?
“I promise!” Why can’t she see Mio properly?
I promise I won’t ever forget you.
“Then..” The ground seems nearer than when Hiyori last saw it.
I want to be with you forever.
“Your wish has been heard loud and clear!”
For the second time,
Hiyori faints.
o
The scene is familiar, her trying to comfort her crying daughter, but something’s different this time around. Instead of the ground, she finds herself on a white bed, and apart from her daughter, a grown man is also attached to her like a barnacle, crying with much more vigor than even their small child.
“I’m fine Yato.” But he won’t be consoled, simply burying his face further in the crook of her neck, his tears forming rivulets on her skin.
After getting an explanation from the attending doctor, everything settles into place. Again.
Oh, that explains it, thinks Hiyori.
It’s a bit awkward that it’s her father breaking the news though-and it shows-but the trembling smile on his face is soft and proud. He promises to pass the news on to her mother and brother.
She can’t determine who’s more ecstatic, Mio, Yato, or Yukine-kun who was waiting outside. He left whatever he’d been doing once he received the panicked call from Yato and was with them the whole time on the way to the hospital, carrying Mio, so that Yato could scoop Hiyori into his arms.
Because of the late night, they invite him to sleep over. Instead of using the guest room that’s always been impliedly his, they decide to lay their futons together in the living room. Hiyori sleeps peacefully lulled by the breathing of her family members, her fingers tangling with Yato in a grip so tight she’d have suspected he was awake if not for his snores. The place where their wedding bands meet, intertwine, looping and binding them together.
For the first time in a long time, she doesn’t dream.
o
“……………”
“Are you cursing someone again Yato?” Yukine-kun turns to her, exasperated, “Hiyori stop him before he summons a demon or something.”
But she can’t since she’s doing the same thing, murmuring the words under her breath so as not to wake Mio, sleeping on Yukine’s knee. Yukine-kun pulls more on the kotatsu to blanket her.
“Amaya, Kanon, Hiyoko, Tsukine..” Yato taps his fingers rhythmically from where he’s seated on Yukine’s right side. “What do you think Hiyori?” He asks his wife across him.
“I think they’re all nice.”
“Tsukine? What’s with that?” Yukine-kun looks confused.
It’s Hiyori who explains. “We’re thinking of names for the twins.” She places her palm on her still-flat stomach, imagining she can feel their synchronized heartbeats. She feels awestruck, constantly trying not to let her tears spill. She finds the same feeling mirrored on her husband’s face as he gives her a watery smile.
Even Yukine look a bit teary. His voice is gruff as he asks, “And Tsukine?”
“Of course we’re going to name one of our kids after you! If you think about it, it’s like you were my first kid.” Hiyori nods in agreement, a small smile on her face.
Yukine’s face flames as he tries to hide it under the neck of his sweater. “..Idiot.” To make up for his embarrassment, he adds, “Anyway, your naming sense sucks. Better leave it to Hiyori or your kids’ll hate you forever.”
Yato wails in denial as Yukine berates him and Hiyori smiles so wide her cheeks hurt. She’s so happy. She feels so happy that it feels like a dream.
She offers up her own suggestions. “Miyuki, Mitsuki, Mizuki, and Misaki, what do you think?”
“They all have the character ‘Mi’ don’t they?” asks Yukine as Yato writes them all down with a dopey smile on his face.
“Yeah, to match Mio. I got the idea from…” And there it is again, the feeling of a phantom word, a phrase she should know.
shinki
“I like your idea better honey. They should be a matching set. Three’s a good number after all.” Yato looks at her and Yukine with love shining out of his eyes. “I like the sound of ‘Miyuki’. And the other?” He leaves it to her to decide.
She decides on ‘Misaki’.
“For mother?”
“Yes…” It’s for her mother, but also for..also for..
blossoms, flowers,
sakura
The feeling grips her, surrounding her, threatening to submerge her, but she is in her safe haven, her sanctum. While darkness threatens to overwhelm her, she willfully ignores it to turn to the light, Mio lightly stirring awake from her nap to crawl over to Yato, who embraces her and braids her hair, and Yukine-kun getting another helping of nabe.
She’s safe.
o
part one, the middle