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Nadir Ismael Khan hates the cold. More than anything.

He leaves the police station late in the evening, and the cold breeze hits him immediately, shaking him to the core. He curses at himself, for how stupid he is for forgetting his gloves at home. He’s late for Eid al-Fitr with his whole family, and if he’s honest, he does not feel much for it. The prayer at their local mosque this morning already was a recipe for disaster, with how many rubbed their noses in Nadir’s private matters.

He avoided their questions like a gazelle did a hunting cheetah, and sadly, he got caught by his mother at the last second. “Aunt Eszter sees you’re avoiding her.” She said.

“Aunt Eszter should mind her own business instead of mine.” Is what he answered with, and then made a sprint to the men’s prayer room. After his prayer, he quickly changed from his thobe to his police uniform and ran to his work.

And that’s the biggest reason he isn’t excited for the big feast. They will ask more questions, and Nadir can’t exactly escape the house without making a scene. He sighs, and decides at last not to go. He is sure Allah will understand.

Besides, he still has leftover spaghetti at home. Alright, not so great as his mother’s home cooking, but it beats the questions about his love life.

Nadir snorts. There is no love life to talk about; sure, he had his flings and one night stands, but never a long-term relationship. Some might say he has long-term issues, but it’s far from the truth. How Nadir craves to wake up next to someone and call him his partner. But his family won’t accept it. They won’t.

Nadir takes a walk to his home, his hands deep in the pockets of his thick coat, and his nose deep in his scarf. Oh, how he hates the cold. Snow crunches beneath his feet. He can’t wait to get home and set his heater on the highest setting.

He’s walking the long street of Rue de Rivoli, his apartment in sight and he takes longer steps.

“It looks like you got big money with your violin today, do you mind if you hand some over for the fellow poor? I provided you for so long.” Nadir picks up as he passes an alley. He stops, taking a step back. He glances down the alley, seeing two people standing in the dark. One clearly is homeless, with their pants shredded and cuts in their sweater. Their socks are wet because of the snow.

The other seems to be healthy enough, with a coat and most importantly, shoes on his feet.

“Come on, kid, you have enough to share –” the guy urges, raising his hand, but the homeless person takes a step back, shaking their head. “- Tch, you ugly mutt, give the money!”

“Hey!” Nadir barks, scaring the people who pass him on the street, and the two people in the alley he’s aiming at. He enters the alley, his shoulders broad. His mother always told him that his hero complex will be his death, and maybe it will, but Nadir won’t stand himself if he ignored people who need help.

He stops dead in his tracks when the homeless person glances at him. They don’t have a face – no, a filthy cloth hides their face. The other guy laughs at Nadir’s reaction.

“Something the matter, pretty boy?” he snickers. His hand quickly grabs the homeless person’s arm, squeezing it. “Do you want to rescue the beast?”

“Leave them alone!” Nadir says, his voice firm. He concentrates on the other guy, as the homeless person does make him uncomfortable. “Go make your own money.”

“You have some nerve – you know what, I see that I am outnumbered, I’ll see you next time, Erik.” For a second it seems the guy wants to pat his hand on the homeless – no, Erik’s – cheek, but he holds back at the last moment. He murmurs something, and passes Nadir, not looking back.

Nadir looks back at Erik, and shivers as he gets a closer look. He’s already freezing in his thick coat, and he can’t imagine how Erik must feel; he’s so malnourished, that Nadir can see bone under his thin skin. The cloth does not do much to hide his face, as Nadir can see how sunken his eyes are. Is he ashamed of his looks?

His clothes are from thin fabric, and Nadir really wonders how he stays alive in this weather condition.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes cast down at the wet socks. “Do you need –”

“Go away.”

Nadir is surprised by the threat in the deep voice, and he cocks his head up to look at Erik, who towers over him. Nadir takes a step back, his hands raised, showing he doesn’t want to do any harm. “Hey, I’m concerned – okay, let me just.”

He doesn’t know why, because it is his favorite leather shoes, but he kicks them off. A shiver goes down his spine when his feet touches the snow, making his socks wet. He throws his shoes at Erik, and hopes they have the same size.

Erik glances at the shoes and then back at Nadir. “I don’t want your –”

“Eid Mubarak!”

And Nadir runs out the alley, not giving Erik the time to ponder if he should chase Nadir or not

 Now Nadir can’t feel his toes either, but luckily his apartment is nearby. At home, he throws his socks in the laundry basket and his coat on the rack. He sets his heater up immediately. His apartment is not big, but enough for one person. With two bedrooms (the other mostly used for guests), a bathroom, a living room and a small kitchen.

He flings himself on the couch, rolling in his thick, woolen blanket. His body warms up slowly, and he sighs, feeling content. His thoughts go back to Erik, who must be shaking in the cold outside. He surely will go to an shelter, right?

Though with the cloth, not many will let him.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and Nadir gives an annoyed sigh.  He picks it up, rolling himself deeper in his personal heating blanket burrito.

“Hello,” he answers without looking who is calling. “You’re speaking with the most handsome man in Paris.”

“Are you always this funny?” his mother’s voice replies sour in his ear. “Where are you?”

“Home, about to eat my leftover spaghetti and watch my favorite series.”

“Nadir Ismael Khan! You know we’re celebrating Eid al-Fitr at our house, and you’re already been rude to your aunt at the mosque, what’s wrong with you?” his mother says angry.

“I’ve done my prayers, mom,” Nadir sighs, sitting up, the warmth leaving him. “I just don’t feel like being around people now.”

He hears his family talking in the background through the phone. His mother tsk’ed. “We’re going to have a talk tomorrow, young man. Your father will be very disappointed.”

“Okay, bye mom!” Nadir turns his phone off.

She always brings his father up, and by Allah, does he hate his father. He’s one of those fathers who likes to be called ‘sir’, and always expects to have respect from his children. His little sister – Demi – shall be at the feast too, and like their dad, she is for the old traditions. He doesn’t know if his parents stomped it into her more than him.

Don’t get him wrong, he’s proud to be an Muslim, and their Iran traditions, but it seems his parents are turning more judgmental and bitter. Which doesn’t make any sense, as the Quran taught Nadir many great things, to treat everyone as his equal. Not to judge people behind their backs.

He wonders what made his parents so hateful.

___________________

The following week goes as follows; go to his local mosque to pray before he goes to work, do his patrols with his co-worker Darius, come home, eat and sleep. And repeat. He also bought new shoes, ‘cause his old ones are not made for this cold winter.

His talk with his parents went as smooth as pulling a band-aid from a hairy arm. It was quick, but it hurt for a long time. Of course his mother brought father along, and he had to listen (yet again) how his father doesn’t approve his behavior, and that it won’t continue.

He is thirty years old and he still gets this ‘attitude’ talk from his father. How pathetic.

How he wish he had the courage to tell them the truth. He does has the courage to stand up for weaker people, even getting into fights if it needs to, but going up against his family will be the hardest.

At the end of the week, Nadir takes his usual walk from his work to his apartment. It snows again, and luckily Nadir didn’t forget his gloves this time. For some reason he decides to give a glance at the alley, Erik back in his mind. Eh, he still remembers his name.

Again, he stops in his walk when he spots a body on the snowy ground. Nadir looks around, watching if others see it too, but they pass the alley, paying it no mind. Nadir recognizes the body quickly, with how skinny it is. The cold really did a number on him.

Sniffing, he enters the alley, kneeling next to the body. For a second, he assumes Erik is dead, but he’s shocked when the body moves, stirring at Nadir’s touch. Eyes flutter open, looking dull, almost no live in them.

“Hey, Erik,” Nadir whispers, shaking his body a bit. The vile smell hits his nose hard then, and he sits up right, his nose pulled up in disgust. “Oh Allah, okay, can you stand up?”

Erik doesn’t reply, but a wheeze pass his lips, as if he’s hurt. Nadir bites his lip, deciding what he should do. He looks for a wallet, searching for an ID, anything, but finds nothing. Shit.

Ignore the homeless, sweet Nadir, his mother whispers in the back of his mind. She said that ever since he was a kid. They’re liars, and don’t deserve our love or money. They are dangerous.

But when did Nadir ever listen to his mom?

He pulls Erik’s arm over his neck, and rises up, the skinny body leaning against his like a rag doll. “Everything is going to be okay,” Nadir doesn’t know if he’s assuring Erik, or himself. This is the most wildest idea he ever had, but he can’t let Erik – a person – die in an alley. No one deserves that. “Just hang on to me.”

And that’s how he drags an almost lifeless body over the street, with people staring at him in confusion. Other plainly ignore them. The revolting smell coming of Erik makes Nadir gag, but he manages to bring him to his apartment, without his neighbors noticing.

He turns his lights on, and lays Erik on the couch. In the light, Nadir sees how truly weak Erik looks. There’s more skin on his bones, than flesh. His clothes are more shredded, with bits of blood. He’s been attacked, Nadir realizes.

“I need you to get you out of your dirty clothes. How does a hot shower sound?”

No reply. Of course not.

Nadir hesitates first, but his fingers touch the cloth on Erik’s face, removing it slowly. Nadir doesn’t know what to expect, but surely, not even in his wildest imagination  did he expect this.

He knows about the eyes, how sunken they are, but the having no nose part is something he wasn’t expecting. His lips are torn. His skin stretches tight over his cheekbones. Nadir takes a deep breath, and regrets it when the disgusting smell invades his mouth.

“Shower it is!”

He brings Erik to the bathroom, undressing him – and smiling when he sees his shoes on Erik’s feet. He turns the shower on, letting it adjust  to warm water first. With the steam rising up, Erik’s body still feels cold under Nadir’s fingers. Slowly, and steadily, Nadir helps him get under the spray of water. Erik wakes, cocking his head up, his eyes slightly more open.

“There,” Nadir says, getting Erik’s attention. “Awake now?” he smiles awkwardly. He steps a bit in the shower, to get the shampoo, not caring if his shirt gets wet. He squirts a lot in his hand, and rubs it in Erik’s thin hair. By the end, his shirt and pants are just as wet as Erik, but at least he smells like Nadir’s favorite body wash, and not someone who’s dying.

A bit of color returns to Erik’s cheeks, and his eyes look more alive. Uh, his eyes are yellow, almost reptilian,  Nadir notices, with how he only he sees the yellow, and the rest being black.

His body is bathed with bruises and old scars. Did Erik get attacked a lot? If so, why?

Nadir remembers the guy talking about a violin. There was no violin case near Erik when Nadir found him, so Nadir supposed they stole it from Erik. He dries Erik off gently, afraid to hurt him. Next, he leads him to the guest room where Nadir gives him his old clothes. The clothes are way too big, but at least they will give him warmth. Nadir changes from clothes too, and he dumps Erik’s old clothes in the trash bin.

Erik is quiet the whole time, his eyes set on Nadir, following his every move. It makes Nadir uncomfortable, but he tries to hide it. It takes him by surprise when he hears Erik suddenly.

“Why did you save me?” he says, his voice low.

Nadir stands in the doorway, ready to grab some applesauce. He’s no nurse or doctor, but he knows if Erik eats heavy stuff right now, he will puke. Oh, the question. “Why not?” He counters.

“You should’ve let me die.”

Nadir raises his brows at the answer. As an officer, he meets many people who are suicidal, and he always answers the same when they say this.

“No. Every person is worth saving.”

Erik looks he does not agree, but stays quiet. Nadir goes to the kitchen, grabbing a small bowl to fill the applesauce in. He returns to the room, taking a seat next Erik, who eyes the bowl now. Nadir can see the hunger in his eyes, and he smiles.

He gives the bowl to Erik, who immediately dives in, not even using the spoon. He sets the bowl against his lips, drinking it. For someone who just said he wanted to die, he seems eager to eat to survive, Nadir thinks. But he’s happy Erik is eating at least.

He gives Erik a second bowl, which he eats just as eagerly.

“Okay,” he starts, awkwardness in his voice. “You can sleep here. If you need anything, my room is across this one.”

Erik furrows his brows. “Do you always let strangers sleep in your house? For nothing in return?”

“Actually no, you’re the first. But my mother always did say I have a horrible hero complex.”

Erik blinks a few times. “She’s right. And what about the nothing in return? Do you expect something from me?”

A blush creeps on Nadir’s cheeks, knowing exactly what he means by that. “No!” is his immediate response. The thought alone that he’ll share his bed with Erik gives him a chill down his spine.

“You’re really a strange one.” Erik gives the bowl back. He raises his hand, touching his disfigured face. He frowns and looks at Nadir again. “Really strange.”

“I’ve heard that many times, but hey, at least you have a warm bed.” Nadir says. “Like I said before, if you need anything, I’m in my room, or the living room. The toilet is in the bathroom. I… Hm, yeah. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, um… I don’t know your name.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right! I’m Nadir.”

“Idiot suits you better, but my name is Erik.”

“Nice to meet you, Erik.” Nadir doesn’t have the heart to say he already knows his name. Also, he will ignore the insult. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, idiot.”

Nadir sighs.

 ___________________

Nadir is lucky that he has two days off, because the thought of leaving a sick Erik alone in his house, isn’t something he liked. The next morning he does groceries very quickly, grabbing the stuff Erik needs to stay healthy and survive. He wants to pray too at the mosque, but he has to skip it. Allah will understand.

With bags full of all kinds of fruit, and more applesauce, he returns to his apartment. As he enters, he’s greeted by the sight of Erik leaving the guest room. His steps are short, as if he’s afraid he will fall on the floor if he takes big ones. Nadir closes the door behind him, and drops his bags.

Erik looks over his shoulder at the sound of the bags, and grimaces when Nadir wraps his arm around Erik’s waist. But he leans on Nadir anyway, who helps him get to the living room. “I have food for you, lots of oranges.” He starts. Erik looks at him. His face is still something Nadir has to get used to. Only a mother can love that face. “And other fruits, and some oatmeal…”

“Do you see me as a charity case?” Erik spits, when he sits on the couch. “Feel pity?”

Nadir turns the television on, thinking which words to use. “No, like I said, I like to help people. You need help.”

“People don’t help strangers because of kindness, they always need something. You want something from me.”

“I really don’t,” Nadir assures Erik. “Listen, when you can stand on two feet again, you can leave this place whenever you want. I won’t stop you, and I won’t say you owe me anything.”

“Lies.” Erik snarls.

“Whatever man, I’m going to make breakfast.”

What an ungrateful person, Nadir thinks, as he stomps back into the hall to grab his grocery bags. He makes a quick omelette with turkey bacon for himself, as he cooks oatmeal for Erik too. He hopes that Erik will eat like yesterday, or else he will spoon feed him if he needs to.

 Sound of breaking glass in the living room distracts him from his thoughts. He turns the stove off, and runs to his living room in concern. He sees Erik on his knees next to the bookcase. Around him are scattered books, and a broken picture frame.

“What happened?” Nadir says, grabbing Erik by his arm, pulling him up.

Erik groans. “I wanted to read a book.” He replies. “but my legs gave out.”

“You’re not strong enough, you can call me if you want something.” Nadir helps him back on the couch. He picks his books from the floor, putting them back alphabetically. “Which book did you want to read?” he asks, as he grabs the picture frame. It’s the picture of his parents and his sister. Nadir does not feel the desire to buy a new photo frame.

“Slaughterhouse-Five.”

“Aah, an classic!”

Nadir gives him the book happily, and returns to the kitchen. He finishes their food, and slices a bit of butter for the oatmeal. He sprinkles sugar over it too. He enters his living room again, setting the bowl of oatmeal on the little table, across Erik.

Nadir eats his breakfast quickly while watching the news, and out the corner of his eye he sees Erik not touching his food. He keeps reading, acting like he doesn’t notice the bowl of food in front of him. Nadir rolls his eyes, and nudges his knee against Erik’s.

Erik stares at him, clearly annoyed. Nadir nods to the bowl. Erik sighs, closing the book with a slap. He grabs his bowl, stirring the meal with his spoon, blowing on it. Nadir can’t help but stare at his lips, with how torn they are. He wonders if it hurts when he eats.

Erik eats in silence, but Nadir can see he enjoys it, with how he close his eyes in delight at some bites.

“How did you end up in the streets?” Nadir blurts out. “I mean, you don’t have to tell in big detail but –”

“I won’t tell you anything.” Erik sneers, setting his empty bowl on the table. “Thank you for the meal.”

“Oh, okay, sure… um,” Nadir claps his hands together, thinking how to get this conversation going. If you can call it an conversation. “How old are you?”

“How old are you?” Erik repeats his question back.

“I’m thirty years old.” Nadir says, now waiting for Erik to answer his question.

“Hm, I’m… twenty-four, I think?”

“You think?” Nadir raise both his eyebrows, confusion in his voice.

Erik shrugs, opening his book again. Nadir lets the topic slide, knowing he won’t get an answer.

The rest of the day went slowly, and awkward. Nadir doesn’t know what to do with Erik, except asking if he likes to eat in every three hours. It’s like he’s walking on eggshells near the guy, if he can explode every moment. Erik keeps reading his book, ignoring Nadir completely.

Nadir gets a call from Demi in the evening, the usual small talk. She’ll ask how he’s doing, and he will ask the same. He doesn’t mention Erik at all, because he’s sure his sister will alert their mother immediately. After the call, he takes a shower, his phone playing music.

He sings along with Boogie Wonderland, forgetting about that Erik can probably hear him. So he blushes when he enters into the living room after his shower, seeing Erik having an amused smile on his face. Nadir is so used having his home for himself alone. He’ll have to be more careful now.

“Thank you for your performance,” Erik teases, closing his book. “I didn’t know you had talent.”

“Yeah, it comes with the package of being saved by me.” Nadir says instantly. “I hope you liked it.”

“Greatly.” Erik is still smiling.

Huh. Nadir blinks. A smile suits him.

___________________

After Nadir’s brilliant singing in the shower, Erik seems more open. Well, open as he can get.

A week has passed, and Erik seems to regain his power and health, even having a little tummy to show. Erik thinks Nadir won’t notice, but he does, and it fills him with great glee. The first day he left Erik alone in his apartment, and he’s being honest, he was scared to find his apartment empty. His stuff gone.

But after a long day at work, worrying, he finds his apartment still full of his stuff, and Erik on the couch, with another book in his lap. Nadir realizes he’s acting like his mother, and he curses.

Secretly, Nadir likes to come home with someone waiting for him. Though he won’t even consider Erik as an friend (Nadir laughs at the thought), but it opens the idea of maybe finding someone he wants to spend his life with.  Then the idea crashes when he thinks about his parents.

That’s when another call comes from his sister when he’s on his patrol with Darius. Nothing is happening, and Nadir is bored out of his mind, only thinking about what he and Erik will eat tonight. Nadir parks outside a shopping mall as he answers the call.

“Brother!” his sister screams in his ear so hard, that even Darius looks up. “Karim asked for my hand, and our dad approved. I’m going to get married!”

“Uh, that’s great, sis!” Nadir says, and he means it. He doesn’t know Karim that well (he even had to think for a few seconds who he was again), but the few times he saw him he seemed a decent guy. “And to get dad’s approval too, that’s a miracle.”

“Oh, stop it!” Demi giggles. “I’m sure your future dad in law will give his approval too.”

Nadir resists the urge to snort. “I’m sure.”

“The wedding is in like three months, that’s so soon!” Demi suppress another giggle. “And I will get you in a super fine suit, and all the girls will swoon.”

“Sounds nice,” Nadir says. “But three months? Will you have everything ready by then?”

“I have my mother and my aunts to help me, don’t you worry, chubbykins.” Demi teases with the nickname. Allah, he hadn’t heard that name in years. “You just have to show up at my wedding being all handsome.”

They chat for a couple minutes more, and it pleases Nadir how happy his sister sounds. They say goodbye, and Nadir goes on his patrol again. Only one thought goes through his mind, and that is that his sister is going to get married earlier than him.

He is happy for her. But… Allah, he wants someone too. His family will expect him to find someone too. Shit.

___________________

“Here you go, sweetheart.”

Nadir jumps out the tree, almost tripping on his own two feet, but he gives the red balloon back to the little girl, who smiles brightly. Her mother smiles too, thanking Nadir over and over. Darius stands at the side, giving Nadir a glare when the child and parent continue their walk in the park.

 “What?” Nadir says when Darius keeps staring.

“Oh, nothing. Sometimes you amaze me with how much of a good guy you are. It won’t surprise me if you shelter the homeless in your own home. Ah, if you had more free time, I bet you will volunteer at an shelter and give them soup. Shit, I feel like a bad person by just standing next to you, though I did nothing wrong in my entire life.”

“Ohh, I don’t know about that, there was that time in school when you peeked in the girl’s dressing room after gym.” Nadir says, pushing away the subject about homeless. He does wonder how Erik is doing.

“Well, I don’t remember you stopping me! Ah! You’re not so good after all.”

“I did say you shouldn’t do it, but you didn’t listen. That is why Am broke up with you when she found out.”

Darius sighs, slumping his shoulder. “You told her. You told everybody!”

“Hmmm, nah.”

“Yes, you did! You yelled it over the whole schoolyard. I was suspended for three days and got a big lecture from my dad and the principal. I hated you for so long.”

Nadir chuckles, and Darius pouts like an overgrown child. Nadir gives him a shove. “It was funny. That’s what you get for sneaking on girls.”

“Well, you could’ve watched with me.” And Darius leans towards him. “But at the boys.”

“Darius, I showered with boys.”

Darius shoves him back. “Oh Allah, ooohh! Which one did you had a crush on?”

Nadir grins. “Pierre.”

Darius looks shocked, like Nadir has offended his ancestors just now. “That scrawny French ugly white boy! That kid was more bones than meat.” He places his hand over his heart dramatically. “I feel sorry for you. Such horrible taste!”

“Wow, Darius, I didn’t knew you care.” Nadir says amused. “Pierre was nice.”

“Ugh,” Darius pulls his nose in distaste. “Sack of bones! No ass at all, I thought you guys liked that. Like, I’m not gay at all –”

“I know, Darius, you don’t have to tell me every time.”

“– but I would totally go for Ugûr if I were you. Not Pierre!”

“How did we get from saving a balloon to this topic?”

“The hell I know, but I’m pleased to know you had a crush on Pierre. Allah forgive Nadir for his taste.” Darius begins to walk in the park too, laughing very hard. Nadir follows him, his hands in his pockets. Darius pinks away a tear. “Pierre!”

“Alright, it ain’t that funny.” Nadir regrets saying it. “Pierre was… he was nice!”

Darius laughs even harder, throwing his head back. “Well, at least, you can’t get any worse than Pierre!”

___________________

Nadir gets a pleasant surprise when he arrives home, especially his nose. Aroma of baking scallions and pangasius fish intrudes his senses, and he walks to the kitchen to find a bigger surprise; Erik is standing in front the stove, cooking their dinner.

Erik is not standing weakly, his legs and back firm in a straight line, not hunched. He is taller, and if he wasn’t so damn skinny, he would be intimidating.

“Hum- hm.”

“Huh.”

Erik looks at him, an brow raised. A blush creeps on Nadir’s cheeks for being caught staring, but he smiles to avoid awkwardness. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Hiding behind trash containers from restaurants might teach you a thing or two. Sometimes I would spy in their kitchens…” Erik turns the fish on the other side. He shakes the pan up and down. “And watch how they cook.”

“Sounds torturous, watching the delicious food and not having the chance to eat it.” Nadir says, leaning against the doorway. Erik is actually talking to him, instead of biting his head off.

“I would eat the food that’s been too overcooked, or too raw. But the last few weeks the restaurant I mostly visited, got new staff and they scare me away.”

“Bastards,” the word blurts out Nadir before he can stop it. Erik only stares at him. “I mean, really? They can give you the food, it’s not like they would eat it, or give it to the mice. I can’t believe people sometimes –”

“Not everybody is kindhearted as you.”

“– and how they treat their fellow – huh!?” Nadir stumbles back. “What did you say?”

“You heard me!” Erik snaps, as he grabs plates from the cupboard above next to him. He turns the stove off, and his old demeanor is back, but Nadir smiles. He takes his plate when its filled with delicious food, and walks to the living room.

They eat in silence again, but somehow the atmosphere is different. More relaxed. Instead of reading a book immediately after dinner, Erik watches with Nadir his favorite series. Nadir watches how an obnoxious character yells about marriage, and it reminds him of his sister. Not that his sister is obnoxious or anything.

“My sister is going to get married.” Nadir says, looking sideways at Erik.

Erik tears his eyes of the screen. “She is? Congratulations.”

“Hm, yeah thanks. She is younger than me… and, I don’t know, I think the family expects me to find someone. I really want to, but they won’t accept it.” He takes a deep breath.

Erik frowns. “They won’t accept… what?”

“Because,” Nadir looks into Erik’s amber eyes, that are vibrant as ever. “I prefer men.”

Erik’s eyes widen slightly, but not in disgust, more in surprise. “Oh,” he says. “So, your family is a bag of dicks? Is that you’re trying to say?”

Nadir gapes at Erik’s use of words. “No, I – I love my family, but  they just don’t understand.”

“How can you love someone who doesn’t understand you.” Erik scoffs. “You’re truly an idiot.”

“It’s my family, Erik, they mean a lot.”

“So, you want to live your entire life alone, so your family won’t know you’re gay? Why would you choose such life?” Erik asks, his eyes hard.

“I… I won’t be alone with my family.” Nadir says. Why is he telling Erik this? One good small talk, and they’re best buds? Several hours ago he didn’t even consider Erik as his friend, and yet he’s spilling his guts to him. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“You won’t be alone,” Erik says. “You’ll have friends. Your co-workers. And a partner who will accept you.”

Nadir sighs, not feeling it. He sure loves his co-workers, having a good bond with Darius, and the few friends he has. But he barely sees them – again, the exception being Darius – with how much time he puts in his work. When he is home, he is only tired. Barely enough energy to eat and reach his bed.

“Nadir?”

And another thing; he’s telling his story to someone who’s homeless, as if his life is hard. He doesn’t know anything about Erik’s past, but he knows a life on the streets is never easy. He’s such an asshole.

“Nadir!”

“I’m sorry,” says Nadir, still deep in thought. “I shouldn’t bother you with my problems, you have your own to think about.”

“You don’t bother me,” Erik says, as he stands up. Nadir follows his movement with his eyes. Erik walks to the hall, but pauses at the doorway, his back to Nadir. “I… um, I’m tired. But I want to let you know, I apologize for being a jerk when you saved me. For giving me shelter, I assure you, you won’t be alone.” Erik looks a bit over his shoulder. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight…” Nadir says softly.

Erik disappears in the guest room. Nadir looks at the floor, blinking.

Okay, maybe Erik isn’t that bad. Maybe even likable. Nadir smiles at the thought of Erik being his friend. He will like that.

___________________

The days drag by. Nadir bought new clothes for Erik in the smallest size possible, and even then Erik would still walk around the apartment in Nadir’s clothes. When Nadir comments on it, Erik will only shrug. Nadir keeps it to himself, and he also concludes that he needs to see others, ‘cause it’s getting too ridiculous. But he secretly likes how Erik looks in them.

Nadir did see someone at a bar immediately after. He went to the stranger’s flat, not wanting Erik to see or hear him like this. When he returned the next morning, still smelling like sex, Erik acts like he didn’t miss him at all last night.

“I was with someone.” Nadir opens his big mouth.

 “Okay.”

And that was that.

___________________

At least, that’s what Nadir thought, but Erik gives him the cold shoulder more than ever, even barked  to Nadir not to touch him.  Nadir doesn’t know what he did wrong, but he keeps his distance. Who knows what Erik is struggling with.

Even with his cold demeanor, Erik cooks dinner for him whenever Nadir does the groceries. He doesn’t understand Erik. One time Erik is smiling, and then one second later he’s snarling, like he remembered something bad from his past and he’s taking out his anger on Nadir. Nadir is taking a guess.

But Nadir keeps smiling, always asking for permission or how he’s doing. It seems to ease Erik.

___________________

Nadir doesn’t know shit about music instruments, or how they work. They make music, that’s all he knows. He stares at the shiny violin in the window display. With Christmas coming, although Nadir doesn’t celebrate it, he considers buying a present for Erik. Until he sees the price of the violin.

Nadir buys a thick black coat instead.

___________________

Nadir is lying on the couch, his legs over Erik’s lap, tired after a long day at work with Darius. Erik doesn’t comment on Nadir’s leg placement, with being too deep into a TV series he’s watching now. Nadir doesn’t like this series, a bit too dramatic for him.

He closes his eyes, at peace. He listens to the series, and the little swears Erik murmurs when something remotely exciting happens. Nadir smiles, opening his eyes slightly, glancing at Erik.

Erik doesn’t notice him staring at him, biting his bottom lip. “Come on, Carla, you love her. Dump that guy.” He murmurs, his knees bobbing up and down. Nadir chuckles, nudging his feet against Erik’s thigh. Erik looks at the foot and then at Nadir. “What?”

“Calm down, boy,” Nadir drawls. “It’s just a show.”

“I just want Carla to be with Emma. She’s clearly the better choice than that douchebag.” But Erik stops bobbing his knees, his attention back on the screen. Nadir closes his eyes again. He feels Erik’s bony hand on his left knee, kneading the muscle. Tired, Nadir opens one eye to look what for, and sees Erik is again stressed about the outcome.

Nadir smiles, his eye dropping shut again. He enjoys Erik’s hand on his knee. He falls asleep.

___________________

“I’m going to blow your mind.” Nadir says one morning, his Harry Potter Blu-ray DVD box in hand. He doesn’t even wait to hear Erik’s reaction, as he puts the first movie in immediately. He jumps on the couch, and slaps the book out of Erik’s hands. He doesn’t even like the book anyway.

Erik looks at him like he’s going crazy. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Watch with me!” Nadir whines. He doesn’t care that he sounds like a child. “Darius mostly watches it with me, it’s a winter tradition, but Darius cancelled, so you’re my new victim.”

Erik looks at the TV, where the menu setting is playing. “A wizard?”

“Nooo!!” Nadir presses his finger against Erik’s lips, wiggling. “It’s Harry Potter!”

Erik looks, squinting, at the finger, and it makes Nadir snort, pulling his finger back. “Pfftt, so, are you up for it?”

“Put the damn movie on!”

Nadir grins wide, searching for the remote and presses on play. He quickly grabs his wool blanket, pulling it over his shoulders. Erik rolls his eyes, murmuring softly under his breath. They watch the first movie in silence, though Nadir can’t help but quote along with Severus Snape every time, and gaggle.

When the credits roll, Erik sits with his legs crossed, his arms the same. His face sour. That’s not a good sign.

“Is there something wrong?” Nadir asks.

“Why is Harry going back to his abusive relatives?”

“You will have to see in the next movies.”

They watch the next two movies, and Nadir is bummed out by the lack of reaction from Erik, when the rat turned to Peter Pettigrew. Erik says he already knew that there was something up with the rat. “No rat lives that long!” he says. Nadir snorts in response.

Nadir grabs snacks for the fourth film, sharing with Erik. He’s enjoying it so far, although it isn’t barrels of fun like with Darius, but he likes the silence with Erik. It’s not awkward. Just them watching a movie. Erik doesn’t have to say anything, when Nadir looks closer, he can see how the movie excites him. How his eyes widen when the Death Eaters attack the camp. His mouth opens a little when Durmstrang storms in the Great Hall. He frowns when Dumbledore calls Harry’s name from the Goblet of Fire.

“Is my face distracting you from the movie?” Erik says suddenly, his eyes darkening.

Nadir blinks. “No, I just like your reactions.” He says honest.

Erik looks taken aback by that. “Oh. But you really should watch the movie.”

“Yeah…” Nadir says slowly, his eyes back on the screen.

Nearly at the end, when Voldemort returns in his body, Nadir leans over to Erik, whispering, “He doesn’t have a nose either. Just like you.” And he lets out a pig snort, not controlling his laughter. Erik gapes at him, shoving him.

“You – you!” Erik shoves him again, but Nadir can’t stop laughing.

___________________

Nadir goes to his family when it’s Christmas. He’s free from work, Erik is binge-watching his favorite series on Nadir’s laptop and Nadir kind of missed his family.

Demi is there too, with Karim. Her engagement ring is gold, sparking blindly. She shows it off immediately when Nadir enters his parents’ house. They chat a bit in the hallway, but get separated when their mother hugs Nadir tightly. She says she’s glad to see him, kissing him on the cheek.

“You show up on Christmas, instead of our traditional feast,  one might think you’re adjusting to the west too much.” His father says when Nadir enters the huge living room. Demi looks from Nadir to her father, frowning.

“We do live in France, sir,” Demi comments. “But I’m sure Nadir is here because he loves to see us.”

“I was talking to the boy, Demi. Don’t interfere.”

Nadir’s back hair rise up at his father’s tone. “Can’t I visit my family? It just happens to be Christmas, sir.”

His fathers hmp’s, but he drops the subject. Nadir stays for two cups of tea, and some Turkish delight. In the meanwhile, he sees how Karim is very close to his father, having an argument about the economy in Iran. Nadir grunts. How exciting. Allah, he’s already bored to death by just listening.

His mother and Demi are talking about the wedding, not really a subject that thrills Nadir either, but it’s better than the economy of Iran. He listens, sometimes nodding. That’s when his mother asks;

“Anything exciting happen to you, my son?”

“Huh.” Nadir blinks, seeing his mother and Demi looking at him in interest. “Hm, not really. Just work and work.”

“Work is important,” his father barks suddenly. “But so is a woman next to you in bed.”

“Ah, yes, sir.” Nadir stammers. Demi looks at him, an eyebrow raised at the tone of his voice.

Nadir leaves shortly after. He gives his mother and sister a kiss on each cheek. A firm handshake with his father. A nod to Karim.

___________________

“But so is a woman next to you in bed,” Nadir repeats his father, in a high-pitched voice, scowling. “Because that’s the only thing what a woman is for right, Allah.” He takes a bite of his eggroll he bought on the road back to his apartment. Erik munches on his own, listening to Nadir. “Did you know, I once looked up to him. I wanted to be like him.”

Erik swallows. “I think every kid looked up to his parents once. I’m not sure.”

“You didn’t?” Nadir questions, curious.

“I, um… never knew my parents.” Erik takes a deep breath, his mouth a straight line. “Most of my memories are after they dumped me in the streets.”

“Your parents dumped you in the streets!?” Nadir shrieks, his eggroll falling from his fingers and on the couch, leaving a greasy spot on the cotton. “Why would they? I – what!?”

Erik lifts his hand, touching his face. “They never said… but I think it’s because of this.”

Nadir looks at Erik’s hand, before he realizes what he means by this. “Your face…” he whispers. Erik nods, raising his left knee against his chest. Nadir stares, at the hole where the nose should have been, the torn lips and the sunken eyes. His sharp cheekbones. His face frightened Nadir too at first.

But not anymore. When did that happen?

“You know,” Nadir crooks up a smile in one corner. “Your parents are a bag of dicks too.”

Erik stares at him now too, and then a grin shows up, before he bellows a laugh. Nadir laughs with him.

They finish their eggrolls, their fingers all greasy, and Nadir sucks on his. “Oh, I forgot! Close your eyes!” he jumps from the couch, trusting that Erik will do as he says. He grabs the present out his closet in his bedroom and returns back. Erik has his eyes closed. Nadir thrusts the present into Erik’s lap.

Erik opens his eyes, looking down. Slowly, he rips the gift wrap, revealing the black coat. Erik looks at Nadir, and then back at the coat. He sighs, and shoves the present into Nadir’s direction. “No.” he says.

Nadir raises both his eyebrows, puzzled. “You don’t like it?” he asks.

“You give me too much, that’s what you do.” Erik answers.

“Well, first I wanted to buy a violin, but oh boy, that is pricey, so I got this coat –”

“Are you… Yes, you’re crazy.” Erik says. “Why will you spend all your money on me?”

Nadir furrows his brows, and crosses his arms. “Gee, maybe when you leave me, I’ll like the thought of you being warm. Maybe I don’t want my friend dead.”

Erik grabs the present suddenly, and he stands up. “Thank you for the meal once again. Thank you for the present.”

“You’re welcome!” Nadir barks.

“Don’t waste money on me.” Erik growls as he retreats to the guest room, the present still in his arms.

“You’re welcome!” Nadir repeats, now louder.

Unbelievable. What a jerk. Nadir snorts. Then it dawns on him that he just called Erik his friend. His friend.

___________________

The new year’s eve party at his parent’s home is filled with family members and acquaintances, even Darius is at the party with his wife and child. Aunt Eszter is looking for Nadir, who hides behind the gigantic houseplant, enjoying his bowl of peanuts, hoping not be spotted.

His father does spot him, and raises an eyebrow at him, questioning what’s he doing. Nadir just points to aunt Eszter, and his father nods in understanding. “Talk to her,” he says, his voice barely raises above the loud music. Nadir sighs. “Don’t give me that look, act like a grown up! I don’t want your mother upset again because you don’t want to talk to your aunt.”

“She asks questions that are none of her business.” Nadir talks back.

“I know, on my part you tell lies to satisfy her. That’s what I do.”

“You’re giving a bad example, sir.” Nadir says.

His father gives a small smile. “I can’t be all good, but talk to her and you’ll be done with her.” He walks away, to greet other family members, having a laugh. Nadir eats his last peanuts before he leaves his hiding spot. He hears a delighted scream and he gets crushed into aunt Eszter’s hug.

“There you are! I was about to think you were hiding from me –” Heh. “– but oh gosh, look how handsome you are! The ladies are hanging on your arms, aren’t they?”

Nadir doesn’t know that, but he knows the men are. “They sure do!” he lies.

“Aren’t you adorable, then why don’t you have a date for your sister’s wedding? She is searching one for you, one of her friends really wants to date you.”

“What?” Nadir asks, perplexed.

“Demi wants a date for you on her wedding, saying it’s time for you to hit the saddle and be married too.”

What Nadir was afraid of is happening, but he still puts up a smile, faking. “Well, good luck to her! I’m very picky when it comes to women.” He’s going to murder his little sister.

Aunt Eszter laughs, bumping her hip against his. “Don’t be hard on your sister. She’s trying to help.”

Nadir bumps back. “I don’t need help.”

“Then find a woman before she does for you.” She winks. “Or me! I know this nice girl –”

Nadir stops listening, letting his aunt talk. The party is already beginning to annoy him, and he only has been here for an hour. An arm slides over Nadir’s shoulders, and he sees Darius grinning at him, with a glass of whiskey in his hand. “What’s up!” he says, ignoring aunt Eszter completely. “You look like you want to be anywhere but here.”  He takes a sip of his whiskey.

“Do you know my sister wants me to have a date on her wedding? A woman?”

Darius spits out the alcohol, right in aunt Eszter’s face, laughing. His aunt looks disgusted, wiping her face with the sleeve of her shirt. Nadir can’t help but laugh too. “A woman!” Darius barks, and then wheezes.

“What’s so funny about that?” his aunt asks, resting her hands on her hips.

“Well, the fact that it is a wo –“

Nadir stomps his feet on Darius’, giving him a glare of warning.

“Auwch! What the fuck, Nadir – oh, sorry, it’s a inside joke! Nothing else.” Darius mutters, but luckily aunt Eszter doesn’t seem to like Darius’ behavior and takes off, without saying goodbye. Nadir sighs in relief.

“You’re my hero, Darius.”

“Damn right… what did I do?”

“Scaring her off. She can be really nosy sometimes.” Nadir walks to the table where the snacks are, Darius following him. He grabs another bowl of peanuts. “But I don’t like the idea of having a date.”

Darius shrugs. “Just say you don’t want one.”

Nadir gives him another glare. “You clearly don’t know my family.”

“Clearly. But hey, you did look like you wanted to be anywhere else but here.

Nadir can name a place where he wants to be right now; cozy and warm on his couch with his blanket, and cup of tea. With Erik next to him. He shakes his head. “You’re imagining it. It’s just my aunt who brings me in such a mood.”

Darius steals a peanut from Nadir’s bowl, and throws it in his face. “Hey!” Nadir says.

“I see you’re hiding something, and you will tell me when you are ready. Let’s just enjoy the party, alright?”

___________________

“My sister expect me to find a date. A woman date, to be precise.” Nadir groans when he enters the living room. He just came back from the new year’s party, and he’s surprised Erik is still up. He is watching the fireworks, but looks over his shoulder when he hears Nadir. “And I think I’ve been kissed by thousands of women and men by just walking to here.”

“You pig.” Erik says. “Already cheating on your future wife.”

“Don’t call me a pig, what is wrong with you.” Nadir replies, but he laughs softly. He’s standing beside Erik, watching the fireworks too. “I don’t want a date…”

“Then tell them the truth.” Erik says, as if it’s so simple. It sounds so simple too. But it isn’t.

“I can’t.” Nadir croaks, and he sniffs.

“Then I can’t help you. It’s all on you. You can tell them to bug off, or accept their wishes and be miserable.”

“I don’t want to be –”

“– alone.” Erik finishes. “I know. But you will be alone if you go through this.”

“You sound like you’re going to leave me soon too.”

Erik stays quiet.

___________________

With a new year, comes a new start, but Nadir is not ready. He returns home, greeted by Erik in the hall. He is wearing his coat, the clothes Nadir bought him – and Nadir knows immediately that Erik is leaving. He shouldn’t be surprised. Nadir knew this day will come, especially with their last conversation, but it feels like a slap in the face. He just considers Erik his friend. He can’t leave. Not now.

“You’re leaving.” He says. He looks at the floor, somehow not able to look at Erik’s face.

“Yes.” Erik answers, so simple. He walks forward, looming over Nadir, who finally looks up. He notices how sad Erik looks, then he wonders why. “I’m very grateful. I really am.”

“It’s nothing.” Nadir whispers. “I will do it again if I could.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Erik whispers now too. “Nadir, a piece of advice before I go, don’t bow down to your parents. When you find that someone, just go for it. Leave them.”

Nadir stares into Erik’s eyes. He doesn’t have the strength to do that, he can’t promise, but he nods anyway. “Erik… I said you don’t owe me anything. But can you do one thing for me?”

“Hm? What?”

“Visit me sometimes?” Nadir smiles. “For dinner? Whenever you’re hungry.”

“No, Nadir, I can’t…”

“Oh, come on, dammit. Once a week.”

“Once a week,” Erik agrees. “Not more.”

Nadir nods, fighting back tears. Why does this affect him so much? Erik throws a scarf around his neck, hiding half of his face, his eyes only visible. He passes Nadir, opening the door. “See you next week, idiot.”

Nadir chuckles, turning to watch Erik. “See you next week, Erik.” It sounds so better than a farewell. He gets to see Erik again. He gets to – Erik is lying.

Erik closes the door behind him. He is gone.

___________________

Nadir barely sleeps. He doesn’t eat much. Whenever he feels this shitty, he mostly goes and find someone, find some relief, and he does but it doesn’t help at all. His body is tired. He is tired. After a week, Nadir makes extra food, knowing well that Erik won’t show up.

He places the extra plate on the table, and eats alone. No doorbell. No knock on the door. Erik doesn’t come.

___________________

It’s been a month since Erik left, and Nadir still makes an extra plate on Sunday. He wishes (hopes) that one day Erik will knock on the door, but alas. During the night patrols, Darius tells something about a murderer on the loose, and he isn’t really listening, but slams on the brakes when he notices a tall figure crossing the street.

Luckily, it’s late at night so there’s isn’t too much traffic, so Nadir can rudely stare, but sighs in irritation when he sees blond hair and a nose. Not Erik.

“The hell, man!?” Darius says. “What was that?”

“I thought I recognized someone.” Nadir starts to drive again.

“Who? Beyonce? My throat hurts, goddamn seatbelt, and I was just talking about that murderer using ropes to strangle his victims –”

Nadir doesn’t listen. Where is Erik?

 “– and then drops them in the Seine river. Nadir, I’m talking!”

 “Huh? Oh, I’m sorry, Darius.” Nadir gives his co-worker an apologizing look. “What is it?”

Darius sighs. “Nothing, forget it. Geez, you look like a love sick puppy. Who’s the lucky guy?”

Nadir almost slams the brakes again, and he gives a nervous laugh. “Love sick puppy!? Guy! There is no guy!”

“No, seriously, who is it?”

“No! There isn’t anyone!” Nadir barks.

“Calm down, I’m not judging you, you know that. I can see there’s someone you care about. I’m your friend, Nadir.”

Nadir stops at a traffic light, and glances at Darius. “I… please, don’t tell my family, okay?” he says slowly, not believing himself he’s going to say it. No one knows about Erik. He sees Darius nodding. “I, um… took a homeless person in my house.”

Darius’ eyes widen, but he stays quiet.

“I found him nearby my apartment building. He was so skinny, Darius! People ignored him, like he was less than an animal. I brought him to my house, showered him, gave him my clothes… He was so rude the first few days, but then he opened up to me,” Nadir smiles at the memory of Erik cooking. “And we became friends. Well, I see him as a friend.”

“And?” Darius urges.

“I told him he can leave whenever he want. And he did.”

The traffic light jumps to green, and Nadir drives.

“He actually left? You will think a homeless person doesn’t give up the chance living under a roof for free… especially now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if you actually listened to me just now, you would know.” Darius shrugs. “It’s not our case, but I heard from the higher ups there’s a murderer walking on the streets, and his victims are most of the time homeless people. He strangles them with some kind of rope and then dumps them in the Seine river.”

Nadir’s hands begin to shake, his blood turning cold, immediately thinking of Erik. He’s in danger.

“They’ve found five people, but who knows how much there are in the river. Oh shit, I don’t want to make you worried. I bet he’s fine!” Darius tries to assure, but Nadir can hardly breath.

Erik is in danger. He needs to find Erik. He needs to save Erik.

___________________

“You don’t look so well, Nadir.” Demi worries. She looks at the scattered shirts in the living room. Nadir would be ashamed with how his apartment looks, but now he doesn’t give a rat’s ass. For whom should he clean up? No. He always cleaned up, before Erik. Nadir curses. Oh, how he wishes he never met him! He only makes Nadir worry.

“Maybe I don’t feel so well.” Nadir snarls. He never snarls to his family. Never to his sister. He loves his family.

Demi stares at him. “Why are you like this? Why are you acting like a child? With the feast! Barely visiting our parents and now this! Mom called me how you neglected them. I didn’t know it was this bad.”

How can you love someone who doesn’t understand you. Don’t bow down, Nadir.

Nadir wants to scream. He wants. The pressure of not knowing if Erik is alive or not. His work schedule. And now his sister. Her wedding. It’s suffocating him.

“I’m sorry. I will try to make up for it.” Is what comes out his mouth. No. He wants to tell the truth. Tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. To leave him alone.

“Please do, I’m already busy with my wedding. I don’t need my mom and dad right now, especially dad.” Demi says. She picks up some shirts and throws them on the couch, next to Nadir. “Gross!”

Nadir begins to hate himself. He is weak.

___________________

When Nadir sleeps, he dreams of Erik.

Him being found dead in the Seine river. Laying next to Nadir, in his bed, and when Erik leans in to kiss him, he fades away. Or Nadir sees him on the street, just randomly, and Nadir yells his name, but Erik doesn’t react.

Nadir wakes up. His body sweaty. Every time.

He prays more.

___________________

“Hey bud,” Darius puts a cup of coffee on Nadir’s desk, concern in his eyes. It’s eight in the evening, and Nadir is still stuck with paperwork. He is having trouble keeping his eyes open, so he smiles when the coffee brew invades his nose. “Is everything okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” Nadir picks up the cup, taking a sip. Too hot. “This needs to be done.”

“This can be done tomorrow. Take a rest.” Darius rests his hand on Nadir’s shoulder. “Come on, I’ll walk with you. We’ll have a talk.”

“Thank you for your concern, but I’m really okay.”

“Nadir, I’ve know you longer than today, so grab your coat and ditch your work for now.” Darius presses on.

Nadir doesn’t have another choose, so he stacks his paperwork, and closes his computer.  He puts his coat on, grabs his cup and follows Darius outside. The cold wind wakes Nadir up instantly, and he shivers. He regrets this decision. Darius nudges him with his elbow.

“What’s bothering you?” he asks, as they begin their stroll. “Is it your homeless friend?”

Nadir nods. “Yes. He still hasn’t returned. What if he’s dead?”

“Nadir, look at me,” Darius lifts his hand up, raising five fingers up. “Only five are found dead. There are a lot of homeless in Paris, and I doubt your friend is one of those found dead. He is still alive, okay?”

“Then why doesn’t he come back. I want him to come back.” Nadir murmurs softly.

“Oh man, you got it bad. Okay, maybe he’s a big douche waffle and only cares about himself. I really don’t know, I don’t know the guy.” Darius shrugs, his hands up. “But you beat yourself up over someone who clearly doesn’t care about you. So why should you.”

Darius is straightforward with his words, always been, and this time it hurts Nadir more than it should. He and Erik shared great moments. They had something, Nadir likes to believe.

“So,” Darius slaps his hand on Nadir’s shoulder. “You really should find another guy and find some relief.”

Nadir nods, his mind and body numb.

___________________

Nadir is a bit drunk, but still sober enough, and he really likes to punch the man who keeps touching him without his bloody consent. He’s standing in the alley behind the bar to enjoy a smoke – he doesn’t smoke that often, but with Demi’s wedding coming soon and the pressure to find some kind of date for that said wedding – he likes to have a smoke or two.

“Come on, sugar, I know you want it.” The stranger drawls, who is drunk and irritating Nadir beyond belief.

“Leave me alone.” Nadir hisses, blowing smoke out.

“Then why would you be here, unless you want a nice fuck –” the stranger pales, taking a step back from Nadir. He watches above Nadir, who turns around in curiosity. A tall figure, all dressed in black, looms over Nadir, staring at the stranger in anger.

The guy raises his hands. “He’s all yours, man.” He says, and flees back into the bar.

Nadir looks at the figure, up and down, and gives the tiniest smile. While his heart is jumping in joy at the sight of the person. “Hello, Erik, you got an upgrade.” He lifts his hand, and taps against the black mask. “Where did you find that?”

“What are you doing here?” Erik growls. “That guy wanted to –”

“He was just horny,” Nadir snorts. “This is a gay bar after all.”

“That doesn’t excuse how he behaved towards you. You didn’t want it, and he didn’t respect it.” Erik looks at the building, disgust in his yellow eyes. “This place is filth. There’s so much better ones.”

“Oh, experience?” Nadir giggles, then takes a drag of his cigarette. This isn’t a laughing matter, he knows, but he doesn’t know how to handle the situation. Erik shows up out of the blue, and is barking questions. He blows the smoke into Erik’s mask, frowning. At least he’s alive and kicking.

“Yes.” Erik answers, his lips a snarl. He bows down, his mask inches away from Nadir’s face. “I know this place very well. What men do to have pleasures, with or without consent.” He spits.

“I’ve never –”

“I know, you bloody idiot. But I never want to see you here. Ever again. I don’t want to see any men touching you.”

“Hmm. Not any? You sound like my parents.” He needs to stop making jokes.

“Speaking of, did you tell them?” Erik growls, clearly tired of the jokes too.

“Nope,” Nadir hiccups. “I’m a weak bastard.”

“You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not! I just had three glasses of beer, no one is getting drunk of that.”

“Then why are you acting like this!”

“You left me! You said you would return, and every damn Sunday I make a extra plate, because hey, maybe, just maybe! You will show up. Foolish of me. I’m clearly an idiot, like you said. A bloody idiot!” he pushes Erik. His cigarette slips from his lips, and falls on the ground. “Then I heard from Darius there’s a murderer killing homeless people, and I was worried sick. I thought… I thought you were gone.”

“Why do you care so much?” Erik asks.

“You’re my friend. That’s why. I want you to come back. Come back to me. I have a room…” he smiles. “I have applesauce. I know you like it.”

He hears the softest of laughs. It feels like music in Nadir’s ears.

“I’ll come with you, but only for the applesauce.”

“Jerk.”

But he is happy. Relieved.

___________________

Nadir dreams of someone kissing him. Thin lips pressing against his, longing for him. A delicate, but firm, body moving above him, a leg between Nadir’s, nudging against his crotch. Nadir moans into the kiss, giving the person above him access to his mouth. Long, cold fingers curl in his hair.

A sharp pang wakes Nadir from his dream, and he sits upright in his scare. He wants to look what’s going on, but then he notices the obvious erection in his boxers. “Shit – dammit!”

“I’m sorry! I wanted to grab a pan, but it fell!” Erik yells from the kitchen.

“I-It’s okay! I’m… going to take a shower.”

“Be quick, or you’ll miss your scrambled eggs.”

Nadir runs to the bathroom. He takes a cold shower, thinking about the ugliest things possible; his father in a summer dress, even Erik’s face, but that gives him the opposite reaction, as his cock stirs, despite the cold water. He takes his cock in hand, stroking it gently.

He fantasizes Erik on his knees, sucking him off. It shouldn’t be turning him on, but his body disagree, as his hand strokes faster, his thumb rubbing over the head. He wonders what kind of sounds Erik would make. Would he beg for more? How would he feel against Nadir’s? Nadir wants – he wants Erik.

Nadir moans when he comes, cum dripping from his fingers. He pants heavily, his eyes lidded. Realization what just happened hits him, and his heart beats hard behind his ribs, loud in his ears.

“Nadir?” A knock on the door. Erik sounds concerned. “Are you okay?”

“T-There’s nothing! Are the eggs done?” He doesn’t like Erik. Not in that way. No. No.

“Yes, so hurry with your shower.”

Nadir turns the shower off. Not bothering to wash his hair. Who is he kidding, actually? Days (weeks) of worrying about Erik. Missing him. Thinking about him constantly. Now this. He knows this feeling, though it’s been a long time, but he knows this feeling all too well. The symptoms of a greater problem.

___________________

“Do you already have a date for your sister’s wedding?” His mother asks casually while she’s folding dad’s clothes. Nadir is sitting in his dad’s armchair, drinking a cup of tea. His dad is gone, probably to his old senior buddies at the bar. He shakes his head.

“No.” he answers. It’s a Sunday, and he should make a extra plate for Erik. He will visit.

His mother sighs, rolling her eyes. “Your sister’s wedding is in two weeks, dear!” and then she smiles. “Her dress is so pretty. I cried a little.”

“That’s great, mom.” He looks out the window, seeing it’s snowing again, despite they’re nearing March. He images Demi’s dress being all wet and grey at the ends thanks to the snow. He chuckles. 

His visit to mom is short, but fun, and she doesn’t urge about finding a date a lot, so that’s a plus. He kisses her goodbye and goes back home. To his surprise, and relief, he sees Erik waiting for him outside the apartment building, leaning against the brick wall. Because it is still light outside, Erik really sticks out, with his black mask. Some people give him stares, other avoid him.

“You came,” Nadir says when he’s close to Erik. “I’m surprised.”

“I don’t want to make you upset again.” Erik replies. “Idiot.”

Erik stays for dinner (baked chicken, with cooked potatoes and a salad), and watches his favorite series. He’s still upset about Carla not being with Emma. Nadir is lying on the couch, his legs over Erik’s lap again. Soon enough, he feels Erik’s hand on his knee, kneading. When he falls asleep, he swears he feels Erik’s eyes on him, instead on the TV.

 The next morning Erik is gone.

___________________

“How is your homeless friend?” Darius asks, leaning over Nadir’s desk, towering above his computer. Nadir cocks his head up to him. “Did you find him?”

“Yes, well, he found me.” Nadir whispers, not wanting his co-workers hear their conversation.

Darius barks out a laugh, which do raises some heads in the department. Nadir shushes him in panic, and smiles nervously to his co-workers. “Shut it!” he hisses to Darius.

Darius leans more forward, whispering too. “And?” he demands, raising his eyebrows.

“He is fine?”

Darius groans, slapping his hand against Nadir’s temple. “No, did you confess your love to him? Brought him flowers? Chocolate? Jewelry?”

Nadir gapes at him. “He’s not my husband!” then more silent. “Should I?”

A sly grin grows on Darius’ face, and Nadir fears the worst. He knows he can trust Darius, especially after their last talk, but the smile doesn’t help. “Look,” Darius grabs a chair from an empty desk and places it next to Nadir, so he can sit on it. They duck their heads so their Chief won’t see them. “Woo him! I know you own a mirror home, you know how your face looks like, use it! When he visits, wear less. Seduce the fuck out of him.”

Nadir’s head turns red, and he splutters. “He is not… I don’t even know if he… I’m not like that, at least, not with someone I – ”

“Do you want him?”

Nadir nods. “Yes.”

“Do you want to kiss him?”

Nadir turns more red. “Y-Yes.”

Darius waves a hand, leaning back on his chair, satisfied. “Then you know what to do.”

Nadir gives a laugh. It’s the nerves.

___________________

There’s a knock on the door on Tuesday. Nadir was ready to get to bed, being in his boxers and tank top, but with cautious steps he walks to the door, and opens it. It reveals Erik, who is panting and, to Nadir’s shock, his bottom lip is bleeding. Nadir drags him inside, slamming the door shut. He immediately inspects his lip, pulling his mask off so he can take a better look.

“Who did this? Come with me.”

He pulls Erik to the kitchen. He grabs a new tea towel, wetting it at the corner and pushes it gently on Erik’s lip. Erik hisses. “I’m sorry,” Nadir whispers. He looks Erik up and down, searching for more wounds, but he sees a violin case in Erik’s hand. “Hey, you –”

“It is mine.” Erik interrupts. Nadir stares. “He stole it from me.”

“I didn’t think you stole it. I’m glad you have your violin back.” Nadir pulls the towel back, and sees the cut isn’t deep. Thank Allah. “I hope you punched him.”

“He looks far worse.”

“Good.”

“Hmm, you’re an officer, shouldn’t you arrest me for violence?” Erik teases, grinning. The cut bleeds again. Nadir dabs the towel back on the cut. He shakes his head.

“I’m not an officer now.” He says. “You can stay, if you want. Your bed is ready.” His stomach makes a turn at the mention of the bed. He’s pathetic. He looks through his lashes at Erik, who looks back. Seduce him, Darius teases him in his head. He pushes the voice away.

“A bed seems nice.” Erik says. “But I like a cup of tea first.”

“Which flavor?” Earl grey, Nadir already knows.

“Earl grey.”

“With two sugars and a biscuit?”

“Yes please.”

“Coming right up.”

Erik heads towards to the living room, while Nadir makes his tea in the kitchen. After he’s done, he brings it to Erik, who thanks him. He sits next to him, their hips touching, their knees bumping. Seduce him. No. Not now.

“The bastard stole everything from me.” Erik says suddenly, and it brings Nadir out of his own dilemma. “When my parents dumped me, I had no one else. I was I think six or seven? I wandered the streets, begging for money, and he saw me. Saw how I craved for warmth. For food.” Erik snorts, disdainfully. “He used me, in every way possible. But I stayed, ‘cause he gave me food. But I picked up the violin –” his hand goes the case. “– and taught myself. She’s an old thing but she saved me from being dependent of him.”

“I bet you have a name for her.” Nadir smiles.

“I do,” Erik smiles too. “Christine. But he stole her from me with his five men, beating me to the ground, humiliating me and he expected me to return tomorrow, if I survived. But then you came and gave me a place… not expecting anything in return.”

“I still don’t expect anything in return.” Nadir says quickly in between.

“And it baffled me. I was waiting for you, to demand me to serve you, but you gave and you gave.” Nadir sees that Erik’s eyes are getting wet, a tear slipping over his sharp cheek. He looks away from Nadir, ashamed.  “You’re the only one who showed me what civility is… what love is.” He continues. “Calling me a friend.”

Erik picks up his cup of tea, blowing on it, before he takes a sip. He hisses when the heat touches his cut.

“I’m sorry,” Nadir says, not sure how to begin. “For what happened to you. I can understand, I already did, and… I’m really sorry. That you were not loved by your parents. By the person you thought you could lean on. You can cry, like shit man, I already cry when a movie ends sad.”

Erik puts his cup of tea back, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. “Nadir,” He croaks. He sniffs, coughing. “Why didn’t they want me…” he breaks, and sobs loudly. “I-It’s my face… it’s all because of my face.”

Nadir grabs his arm, pulling him in, embracing him. Erik hides his face in Nadir’s neck, still sobbing. Nadir rubs his back, fighting his own tears. “No,” He soothes Erik. “They were horrible people. It’s not your fault. Don’t you ever think that.”

“If I had a normal face… a normal face, they would’ve wanted me.” Erik sobs. “They would… they would.”

Nadir pulls back, looking into Erik’s watery eyes. Erik hiccups, trying not to cry. Erik is far from attractive, people would avoid him if they saw his face, Nadir was one of them, he admits. But now he wants to kiss him, more than ever, kiss his skin, his lips.

It shows on his face, ‘cause Erik’s eyes widen a little, his voice choking. Nadir sits on his knees, so he looms over Erik a bit, his face in Nadir’s hands. “Can I kiss you?” He asks, softly.

Erik whimpers, his hands settling on Nadir’s naked thighs. He swallows. “Yes.” He whispers.

Nadir rubs his thumb over Erik’s bottom lip, stopping at his cut, retreating his thumb. He leans in, closing his eyes and presses his lips against Erik’s, with the softest touch. Just lips against lips. Nadir pulls back slowly, his eyes half lidded. Erik opens his eyes too, observing him.

“I want one more.” He whispers.

Nadir licks his lips; they taste salty. He closes the distance between them again, his lips pressing more, moving against Erik’s. Erik kisses back, and lifts one hand, curling his fingers in Nadir’s hair. It’s different, and Nadir knows he can’t compare, but with the men he shared his kisses with, not one came close to Erik. His kisses are not experienced, like it’s his first kiss, so delicate, afraid. As if he doesn’t want this to end. Nadir loves it.

“Give me more, I want more, Nadir.”

“Slow down, there’s going to be more kisses in the future.”

Erik doesn’t hear him, as he leans down, giving kisses under Nadir’s jaw, sucking on his skin hard. Nadir lays his hand on Erik’s shoulder, trying to stop him, though it’s hard, loving the feeling of Erik’s lips on his skin. “Erik, come here.”

Their lips meet again, and Erik crawls on Nadir’s lap, rolling his hips against Nadir’s. Erik shrugs his coat off, and wraps his arms around Nadir’s neck. They keep kissing, their hands traveling over each other’s body, massaging or finding sensitive skin. Erik smiles into the kiss when Nadir’s fingers tickles gently over his sides.

Soon they find their way to bed (Nadir’s bed to be precise), and Nadir succeeds to shrug more clothes off of Erik, until he’s in his underwear. They collapse on the bed, Erik on top of Nadir. They crawl under the sheets. Nadir quickly slides his arm around Erik, pressing his body against his, his back against Nadir’s chest. Warm against cold.

Erik gives a sigh of content. Nadir kisses the back of his neck.

“Thank you,” Nadir drawls. “For telling your story.”

Erik hums only, placing his hand over Nadir’s. Nadir kisses him again on the neck for good measure. He will ensure that Erik’s story has a good ending.

___________________

“You horndog!”

Nadir feels his collar getting pushed down, exposing his hickey to Darius, who is grinning. They’re having a break at the cafeteria, and some of his co-workers look up at Darius’ voice and his choice of words. Nadir flusters.

“Shut your mouth!”

“Who did you find now? Do they drop at your feet at that bar? Or –“ Darius gasps loudly, and more people watch. Nadir becomes more red in the face. “– you kissed him!”

“Darius!”

“You did! Congrats, man!” Darius slaps his hand on Nadir’s back so hard, that Nadir drops his cup of coffee. It spills over the floor, and Nadir gives Darius a glare. Darius looks apologetic. “I’ll clean it.”

“You better, and give me another cup of coffee.”

Nadir takes the table at the window, looking outside. Trees are still bare, no sign of green buds. The street grey, same as the sky. Darius joins him later, with a new cup of coffee. “So,” Darius leans in. “How did it go?”

“He came to my house unexpected, his lip bleeding, got in a fight.” Nadir says. “He told me his story unexpectedly and I listened. He cried, I embraced him and we kissed.”

“Wow, Nadir, this story really brings tears in my eyes, Allah, can you be more boring? Be more like, we looked into each other’s eyes, full passion, and then our lips touched.”

“Seriously, Darius, can you be more weird?”

“Hey, you stayed with me all those years. Now comes the question, do you stay with him? Actually, what the hell is his name?”

“I never told you? His name is Erik.”

“Will you stay with him?”

“I…” Nadir looks down at his hands, reflecting the past weeks. How miserable he felt without Erik. The time he spent with Erik, sometimes watching his dumb TV series, and laughing. They still have to continue watching Harry Potter. Nadir wants that. But can he give up his family for Erik? “Darius, it’s…”

“I know it’s hard,” Darius says, his voice serious for once. “But this guy – Erik – clearly makes you happy, though he was a dick for leaving you, but I see you smiling more. Your sister’s wedding is coming up, and I really think you should make your decision before it.”

“What? Before!? It’s in three days!”

“Before they hook you up with someone. Just go to your parents’ house and scream ‘I’m gay!’, and be done with it all. When there’s a fight, you can always go to your own place, your own life, and there’s someone you love waiting for you. Also me, not to brag, but –”

“Darius…” Nadir smiles nonetheless. “Thank you.”

“Sure, no problem. Drink your cup of coffee, you stupid.”

___________________

Nadir lies in bed, his head pillowed on Erik’s lap. It’s quiet, with once a while a flicker of a page being turned from the book Erik is reading. Nadir feels at rest. His phone buzzes on his nightstand, and he groans. Suddenly, Erik’s long fingers tickles his cheek, and Nadir hears a book being closed. He turns a bit, and sees Erik smiling down at him. “Hey.” He says, placing his book on the nightstand, next to Nadir’s phone who buzzes again.

“I should get that.” Nadir murmurs, but he doesn’t feel like moving, feeling comfortable, so he gives Erik a meaningful stare. Erik rolls his eyes, but grabs the phone for him. Nadir opens it, and sees he has messages from his sister. Curious, he reads them and frowns at the last message.

“She found someone for you.” Erik says above him. His voice low. Dangerous.

Nadir sits up, turning to look at him, phone still in hand. “I won’t accept it.”

“Are you still going to lie, Nadir? Throw me away like the rest so you will be safe?”

“No!” Nadir says immediately.  “I’m going to have a talk with them tomorrow. I will tell the truth.”

Erik does not seem convinced, and he disappears under the sheets, turning the light off. Nadir sighs, closing his phone, making his bedroom completely dark. He leans over Erik to place his phone back and charge it. He lies next to Erik, and dares to slide his arm over him. “I will tell my parents. I won’t bow down.”

Erik keeps quiet, but he doesn’t push Nadir’s arm away, so that’s assuring. Nadir searches for his hand, finds it and intertwines their fingers. He kisses Erik’s neck, and closes his eyes.

___________________

Erik ignores him the whole morning. Darius sees his mood when he arrives at work, and knows quickly what the reason behind it is. He doesn’t disturb Nadir during his work or on their breaks. Nadir feels sick thanks to the nerves.

No miracle will occur tonight. Nadir knows this much. His parents won’t embrace him, or tell him they will love him no matter what, like it’s a big misunderstanding. Nadir knows who his parents are. After work, he tries to stall it, taking a walk in the Tuileries garden, and then he picks up his courage and goes to his parents’ house.

Their house is decorated with pretty flowers, for the wedding, and his mom glows when she sees him. His father is in his armchair, intimidating as ever, despite being surrounded by lovely flowers. “What do you think of the flowers? Aren’t they pretty?” his mother asks.

“Yes, they are pretty, mom.” Nadir smiles, but it drops quickly again. “But that’s not why I’m here.”

“Oh, what is it, dear? Come sit down.” She brings him to the couch, where they sit down. His father sits across him, glaring, as if he knows. But he doesn’t. Nadir is sure.

With more calm in him than he can ever imagine, he says, “I found someone to share my life with.”

His father raises his bushy brows in surprise and his mother smiles bright. “Oh, son! I’m so happy. Why didn’t you tell us sooner, Demi went through a lot to find a date for you, but you already find yourself a woman!”

“Mom, it’s not a woman.” Nadir gets out, his hands trembling now. He keeps his chin high, though he really wants to hide. His mom frowns, her smile gone. His father clenches his hands to fists.

“Not a woman?” he growls. “Explain yourself!”

Nadir rolls his lips inside, biting. He breathes heavily. He wants to end this moment quickly as possible. “I’m with a man. I want to share my life with him.”

His mom slides away, away from him, it hurts, but he knows this will happen – not a surprise.

“No!” his father says loudly. “I didn’t raise my son to be a faggot.”

Nadir struggles not to cry, but he manages. “I’m gay, sir. Don’t call me that.”

“Don’t use that word – who’s the pervert who turned you!? You won’t see him again!” his father yells, his eyes furious. Nadir tries not to cower in his presence. No, he won’t bend. Not anymore.

“He lives with me. I want to be with him – he makes me happy!” he stands up, his hands clenching into fists too. He feels strong. “And you,” he addresses to his father. “won’t take it away from me!”

His father jumps up, broader than Nadir, but Nadir stays where he is. He is strong. His mother gasps, afraid. She wants to grab his father’s hand, but he shakes her off. “You won’t see that filth again! How dare you! Before your sister’s wedding! Ruining it!”

“You ruin it yourself with your hatred!” Nadir growls, and he sees it, before it hits him. He avoids his father’s punch, only slightly grazing his cheek. He takes a few steps back, shock in his eyes. His mother raises her hand to her mouth. Nadir looks at her, and then his eyes dart back to his father, who bristles in anger.

How can you love someone who doesn’t understand you. Don’t bow down, Nadir.

“I’m going home.” He says at last. “I won’t be at the wedding. You will never see me again.”

“You read my mind. Get out of our lives! Be gone!” His father spits.

Nadir’s breath hitches, but then he nods. He takes one look at his mother, who has tears in her eyes, and turns. He walks to the door, then pulls his keys out. He drops the key to this house on the floor. He steps outside, without taking a backwards glance, out his parents’ life.

He does not cry as he is walking home. His chin still high, snow hitting his face, and his chest aches. His body is exhausted, but Nadir won’t cry. When he arrives at the apartment building, and walks the stairs, he hears the violin. The sweet melody welcomes him as he opens the door, warmth fills him. How can music have this effect on him?

He steps to the living room, where the music is coming from, and sees Erik on the couch, violin in hand. Erik hears him entering, and stops playing. He darts a glance at him, his face still sour but it changes when he sees how Nadir looks. “What –”

“I told them. They know now.” His voice still hitches. His chest hurts. “They know everything. They don’t want me.”

Erik places his violin back in his case, storing it away under the table. He stands up, surging forward and crushes Nadir in a hug. Nadir chokes, but he embraces Erik, closing his eyes. Tears fall at last. “I want you.” Erik whispers, and he keeps repeating it. Nadir sobs in Erik’s arms, his pain filling the room. Erik doesn’t let him go.

“Stay with me, Erik.” He begs desperate.

“I will never leave you.” Erik promises, tugging Nadir’s coat off, placing it on the edge of the couch.

Nadir clutches on Erik, his tears never seeming to end. Erik stays at his side, rubbing circles on his back, and whispering soothing words. Nadir feels like he’s falling apart, thinking how his father tried to punch him, and  his mother not trying to stop him, too afraid. But he doesn’t regret it. He doesn’t regret saying it.

His tears finally start to subside, but he still clings on Erik, scared his knees will fail him if he draws back. Erik kisses on his temple, gently. He brings Nadir to the bedroom, and they crawl under the sheets, not bothering to take off their clothes.

Nadir settles in Erik’s arms, sighing tiredly, and his eyes heavy. Erik kisses his forehead. Nadir falls asleep, the touch of Erik’s lips still lingering.

___________________

Demi calls him the next day, every single hour, but Nadir doesn’t answer it, letting it go to voicemail. Darius calls too, but Nadir does answer to him, smiling when he hears his joyful voice, cracking jokes immediately. Erik is gentle with Nadir, giving kisses when not expected or when Nadir feels lonely. His behavior is very different from yesterday morning, more caring. Sweet whispers. Soft touches. Nadir doesn’t complain.

Late in the afternoon he just enjoys Erik’s lips against his, loving the feel of being pressed down in the mattress, Erik’s weight on top of him. It distracts him from his thoughts. Erik licks his way in Nadir’s mouth, deepening their kiss. Nadir rolls his tongue against Erik’s, and slides his hand in Erik’s thin black hair, pulling a little.

Erik moans softly, and pushes his hips against Nadir’s, searching for fraction.

“Do you want to?” Nadir asks, when they break their kiss, panting hard. Erik looks at him, his eyes half-lidded, lust in his eyes. Nadir swallows, and exposes his neck, baring it to Erik, who notices.

“You give and… you give.” Erik growls, and presses his lips on Nadir’s neck, tasting. Nadir gasps when he feels teeth, arching his back.

That’s when the damn doorbell rings.

Nadir groans, one part wanting to open the door and see who it is, but the other wants to stay in bed, being under Erik, all cozy and warm. Erik seems to think so too, as he gives a more firm suck on his skin. The doorbell rings again, more urgent. Nadir ignores it, his attention back on Erik, rolling him over so he lies on top of him. He cups Erik’s face, kissing him senseless.

He doesn’t hear the set of keys, or the front door being opened. The soft footsteps in the hall. What startles him is when the light switches on in his bedroom, exposing them. His first action is to hide Erik, leaning over him, so the person who is in his room can’t see him.

Demi stands in their room, a hand over her mouth. Nadir growls now, anger creeping into him.

“Get out!” he spits.

“Nadir –”

“Now!”

She barges out of the room, and Nadir hears her going to the living room, and somehow that angers him more. He kisses Erik on the lips, saying he will be back soon. Erik nods. Nadir puts on his pajama pants and his bathrobe, as he stomps to the living room.

Demi is waiting for him, her hands now deep in her pockets.

“What are you still doing here!” he asks, pointing to her. “I bet my parents already told you, get out! Leave me and my partner alone!”

“Oh, shut up!” she hisses back, pointing back. “I tried to reach you all day on your damn phone, and you won’t answer it like the child you are –!”

“Get out my house, Demi!”

“I’m not like our father! Or our mother, for that matter!” Demi yells now. “I don’t mind that you are gay! I still want you to attend my wedding! I want you in my life still! You’re my damn brother!”

That makes Nadir quiet, lowering his hand. He looks at his sister carefully, how she seems like she wants to cry. He doesn’t understand. She always agreed with their father. Unless she was faking. Like he was. He’s such an idiot.

“I’m an idiot.” He says.

He hears Erik barking a laugh in the bedroom. Demi raises both her brows. “Yes, you are.” she says finally. “I told our parents you will be at my wedding, and they have to accept it. They don’t, but you will come, right?”

“I don’t want to start a fight on your wedding day.”

“Pftah! Just ignore our parents, have fun with Darius or our nephews, whatever, and there will be no fight. Heck, bring your partner with you.”

“Erik is not one for weddings or parties.” Nadir doesn’t know that, but he can’t imagine Erik in a party, having fun. Maybe to wreck havoc.

“Erik, hmm? When will this Erik show up and introduce himself properly?”

“Demi! You caught us about to have sex, and he’s… he’s shy!”

“But I want to see the man who makes my big brother happy!”

“Another day, alright?”

Demi sighs, waving a dismissive hand. “Fine! But seriously, you’ll come tomorrow? I want you there.”

Nadir doesn’t want to see his parents, especially so soon, but he does want to maintain his relationship with his sister. He nods, smiling. Demi grins wide, and embraces Nadir, flinging her arms around his neck. Nadir hugs back, his smile getting wider.

“Ten in the morning, sharp! Ignore our parents, and you’ll  have a great time! I promise you.” Demi says, as she draws back. “I can’t stay long, Karim is waiting outside in his car. He’s fine with it too, you know.” She winks.

Nadir walks with her to the front door (she tries to take a peek in the bedroom, but Nadir pushes her). “Dress up in your fancy suit.” She says. “I can’t say now to ‘swoon the girls’, or the boys for that matter, since you already have yourself a man.”

“Har har, Demi, I see you tomorrow.”

“Ten in the morning, sharp!”

“Yes, I know.”

“Use protection!”

“Demi!”

She laughs, walking down the stairs. Nadir waves her goodbye, and closes the door when she’s gone. He sighs happily as he heads back to the bedroom, still a smile on his face when he looks at Erik, who is lying in the bed still, blanket up to his chin. Nadir removes the bathrobe, kicks off his pants, and crawls back in bed. He leans over Erik, who watches him with interest.

“Is there something?” Nadir whispers, and then captures Erik’s lips, giving a short kiss.

Erik hums in the kiss. “Do I make you happy?” he asks, almost shy.

“Yes, you do.” Nadir trails his fingers over Erik’s face, thinking back to Demi’s words. “Do I… make you happy?”

“Overwhelmingly.” Erik says within a beat. He leans up, kissing Nadir again. Nadir tilts his head, getting in a better angle. His stomach is making turns, pooling warmth, at Erik’s choice of word. Allah, when did he turn into a sap?

“Tomorrow I’m wearing my suit, and after the party,” Nadir slides down, his lips gracing Erik’s skin. He pulls the blanket away. “I can’t wait for you to take it off,” he kisses Erik’s chest, taking a nipple in his mouth, sucking on it. His tongue rolls against the hardened nub. Erik whimpers loudly, his hands grabbing the sheets. Nadir pulls back, watching Erik. “And fuck me.”

Erik’s eyes grow wide, and his mouth opens in shock. “I – I – um, okay, shit, your sister was just here! I – I have to tell you something.”

“Hmm, that is?” Nadir purrs, peppering Erik’s chest with kisses.

 “I – you’re distracting me, Nadir! Listen, I have never done this before – ahh.” Erik gasps when Nadir sucks on the other nipple. “Nadir, oh god - yes! No, listen to me!”

“I heard you, dear. Just calm down, take it all in. I’ll take care of you.”

Nadir locks eyes with Erik, looking for permission. Erik licks his lips, his eyes hazed, and then he shakes his head finally. Nadir pulls away, showing a smile, showing that it is okay.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Erik says still. “I wanted you, just few minutes ago before your sister came, but… It hit me. How real this is. I’m sorry.”

“Sshh, there’s nothing wrong with you.” Nadir shushes him, kissing him on the cheek. “I won’t pressure you.”

“Really?”

“Really. When you feel ready, just tell me, and I will treasure you.”

Erik snorts, his eyes rolling. “You disgusting sap.” But he pushes Nadir back on his back, lying his head on Nadir’s chest, taking a deep sigh. “Thank you.”

“No problem, dear.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“No promises, dear.”

Erik kicks him out of bed.

 ___________________

“Come dance with me, brother!”

Nadir just barely made it in time to place his glass of orange juice on the table, before he got dragged to the dance floor by his sister. She looks stunning in her white dress, sparkling with gold, complimenting her dark skin. The day so far has been great, with Nadir ignoring his parents, though he can feel their eyes glaring at them from across the floor.

Erik didn’t want to come – and Nadir was not surprised – so he stayed home. The ceremony at their parents’ home was short but emotional, with their mother crying. Their father was stoic as ever, and Nadir feared it was because of him. Demi and Karim got married. Sugar was thrown, to give the newly wed pair a sweet life, and the party is held on a actual boat, in the Seine river, with an amazing view on the Eiffel tower.

Nadir doesn’t want to know how much this must have cost.

So he concentrates on dancing with his sister, trying not to step on her dress. The pianist in the background is pretty good, and the violinist who accompanies her fits her great. Demi nudges Nadir.

“Do you like it so far?” she asks.

“Pretty much, Darius keeps me company, and your husband.” Nadir answers.

“Don’t be stealing my man, brother.” Demi teases. “But I’m happy, I want you to have a great time too.”

“Don’t you worry about me, this is your wedding. This is your time.”

“I can still worry about my big brother.” Demi smiles.

A hand appears on Demi’s shoulder, belonging to Karim. “Can I dance with my wife?” he asks.

“She’s all yours.” Nadir takes a step back, so his sister can dance with her husband. He watches for awhile, before he feels a set of eyes watching him. He looks in the direction where it’s coming from, and sees his father glaring at him, his eyes thunderous.

Nadir gulps, and he quickly goes to find Darius, who’s leaning on the railing of the boat, staring at the water. He looks up when Nadir is near. “Hey! Did you enjoy your dance?”

“Hm, yes. What are you staring at, did you find fish?” Nadir jokes, though it’s lame, but he can still feel his father staring at him, and it makes him nervous.

“No. I was just thinking about the bodies that have been found in these waters.” Darius flicks his hand at the river. “It creeps me out a bit.”

“Damn Darius, bring the mood down!” Nadir stares at the water now too, expecting to see a body floating. He shivers. He can’t help but ask, “And? Are there… any new ones? If you know?”

Darius sighs, nodding. “One person. And if I heard it right, that person was quite known among the homeless. Not in the good way. The police made rounds and got stories, how he manipulated people to do his bidding, especially children.”

Nadir frowns. Where had he heard that before?

“The homeless say they won’t miss him, and that the streets will be much safer.” Darius scoffs. “Much safer with a murderer on the loose. Also, the five people? They were his men. All hanged and dumped in the river.”

“Then the murderer was hunting them. Specifically.”

“I thought so too. Vengeance maybe? With how the homeless are talking, maybe the murderer is homeless too?”

“Won’t surprise me.” Nadir says, while his mind is working, thinking why it sounds so familiar.

The bastard stole everything from me, he hears Erik saying, not so many days ago. He flashes through their conversation. He stole her from me with his five men, beating me to the ground, humiliating me and he expected me to return tomorrow. But then you came and gave me a home… not expecting anything in return.

The realization hits Nadir hard, but he manages to keep calm, not wanting to disturb the wedding. It’s his sister’s day. Not his. Besides, he is stuck on a boat, not near a dock.

“Hello, Nadir? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Darius laughs softly, waving his hand in front of Nadir’s eyes.

“Eh, oh no, I just zoned out.” Nadir smiles, while internally he is panicking.

“Oh well, it’s been a while since the last murder. I wonder what he or she is doing.”

Sleeping in my bed, Nadir thinks.

“Probably searching their next victim.”

Or reading one of my books.

“Who knows.”

Nadir knows, and he can’t wait to get home.

The party lasts for another three hours, and Nadir tries his best not to drink all the cocktails they have to offer. He sticks with to his orange juice, and stands in a corner with Darius. He watches Demi dance with their father, or with other family members, having the time of her life. Nadir wants to trade places for now. He really does.

When the boat finally hits the dock, by Port de la Conférence, Nadir is the first to say goodbye to Demi and Karim. He takes a cab back to his apartment, though it ain’t far, but he wants to get home as soon as possible. Arriving, he pays the cab and runs in the apartment building, taking two steps on the stairs.

He struggles with his keys, but he opens his door, and that’s when he realizes (again) he’s going to confront Erik about his actions. His murders. He should handle this gently as possible, although he knows what Erik did, he doesn’t hate him. He wants to hear why. How.

He hears the television in the living room. Nadir hangs his coat, kicks his shoes off, and with a sigh, he heads to the room. He sees Erik on the couch, book on his lap. He’s halfway through it.

Erik looks up, a smile on his face. “Hey, already back?”

“Huh – yeah, I am. The wedding is over.”

“Come sit with me, I missed you.”

“Erik, I – I –” how does he begin? He was confident, until now. What if Erik gets mad? Maybe he is wrong, and it isn’t Erik at all. But the evidence is there. The five men. The Tuesday night when Erik came with a cut on his lip, saying how the other had it way worse. It fits.

“What’s wrong?”

“Erik, I know!” he shouts, like a gunshot; sharp and loud. “I know what you did!”

Erik looks first, not understanding what he meant, and then comes the frown. He closes his book, placing it next to him. He breaks his stare with Nadir. “How?” he asks slowly.

He doesn’t deny it, and Nadir clenches his hands, inhaling deep. “I want to know why! What did they do to you, to deserve it? No one deserves it.”

“Yes, they did deserve it!” Erik barks. “They were horrible people!”

“No, Erik!”

“Yes, they were!” Erik stands up, but he keeps his distance to Nadir. “They hurt people! Especially Javert, that bastard! He deserved more than what I did to him, a quick death! He ruined my life!”

“Erik, you could’ve told me! I’m an officer, I could’ve arrested him! Murder is never the option!”

“On what grounds? What evidence! Who would believe me!”

“Erik –”

“That bastard raped me! He took everything from me, I told you that! ” Erik yells, his voice thundering. Nadir stands frozen. “He used me! He taught me the fine ropes, not knowing I would use it against him one day! Don’t tell me they deserved to live! You saw me that night when you saved me!” He finally looks at Nadir again, his eyes furious.”They left me in the snow, and if it weren’t for you, I would’ve died. Nobody would’ve missed me. No one would know my name! You showered me, gave me clothes and it gave me time to think how I would murder those sons of bitches! But please, Nadir, you’ve changed me… you showed me love. Don’t turn on me. Not you too.”

He takes a deep breath, his shoulders slumping, then he sinks to his knees, sobbing. Nadir stares as he takes one step to Erik, wanting to comfort him. Internally he’s fighting with his own feelings, wanting to call the police, but the thought of Erik alone in a prison cell, never seeing him again, is too much for Nadir. He won’t handle it.

“Dear,” Nadir kneels in front of Erik, cupping his face.  Erik’s breath hitches, and he looks into Nadir’s eyes, scared. Afraid of rejection? “No more. I don’t want you to kill any more, do you understand? You need to stop. I – is the rope you use here? I need to throw it away. The garbage vehicle will come tomorrow.”

“What – Nadir – the rope is not here. When I killed Javert I threw it away in some random container. I wore gloves all the time. I won’t kill after him, I decided. Only them – never innocents.”

“Any other weapons? A knife? A gun?”

Erik gives him a look, that Nadir only can describe as broken. Like he can’t compute by what is happening.

“Nadir, you can’t –”

“I will not leave you, Erik. So tell me, any other weapons?”

“No, no other weapons, but Nadir –”

Nadir can see the gears working in Erik’s brain, working for a response, and Nadir doesn’t let him, as he kisses Erik on the lips. Erik looks more shocked.

“I don’t accept what you have done, you should have called the police, I would’ve helped you with the evidence, but what is done is done, and you won’t kill any more. You stayed out of sight of the cameras right?”

“Yes, oh god Nadir –”

“Then you should not be caught. Nobody will know, and you will stay safe.” Nadir says at last. Erik looks in disbelief, stunned. His amber eyes are shiny with tears. Nadir wants to give Erik a good life. It isn’t kind of love Nadir is raised with, or heard stories about, but damn it all, Nadir wants Erik, and no one will take him from Nadir.

Nadir rises, taking Erik with him. “You will be safe.” He repeats.

Erik sniffs, and it is a bit of a gross sight, so Nadir grabs the handkerchief from his chest pocket and gives it to Erik, who takes it. “My head hurts.” He murmurs.

“Go to bed. I… I stay up for a while, I need to clear my mind.”

Erik narrows his eyes. “And call the police?”

“No, Erik! I need to think. That is all, believe me.”

Erik grunts, but he nods, and to Nadir’s surprise he walks to the guest room, closing the door behind him. Nadir wants to follow, and ask why he’s choosing to sleep there, but he’s tired. He sits on the couch, head in his hands. Is he losing his sanity?

He wonders if he has been like this all along. He truly sees the good in everyone, and Erik is good, but his choices is something Nadir can’t accept. But Erik has been raped, Nadir thinks. Humiliated. Beaten. Left to die. Alone in an alley.

His chest aches. He doesn’t  want to think what would’ve happen if he hadn’t take a peek in the alley that night.

Erik will not be in his life right now. Nadir will still live his ordinary, boring life, lying to his parents and sister. He will be miserable. Erik makes Nadir feel good.

But he is a murderer. Nadir should be mortified, repulsed and call the police – his co-workers – but he doesn’t and never will. Nadir is, surprisingly, calm. In the end, he wants Erik. If he needs to hide the evidence from his colleagues, then he will.

Maybe Erik is right, and they deserved it, with how they treated him. But it goes against Nadir’s beliefs, but something in him urges, a part he never listens to, whispering that they did deserve to die. Yes, they did. For hurting Erik. His lover.

With a growl, he turns off the lights and the television. He heads to his bedroom, shedding of his suit, dropping it on the floor. His bed feels empty without Erik, and Nadir presses his face into Erik’s pillow, smelling. Erik still uses his shampoo. Pine tree.

After an hour, Nadir still can’t sleep, still turning and his mind too loud. Then he hears the door being opened, and Nadir groans, but he does not turn to see who it is. He knows.

 “Nadir?” his voice is soft. A whisper.

Nadir groans again.

“You can’t sleep either?” he asks. The bed creaks behind Nadir.

“No…” Nadir admits.

He feels Erik slide under the sheets, but not touching Nadir, as if it’s forbidden. Nadir changes it as he pushes himself back, until his back is against Erik’s chest. Erik gasps softly, his breath trembling, and hot against Nadir’s neck. He puts his arm over Nadir, slowly, and rests his hand on Nadir’s abdomen.

Nadir hums, feeling more relaxed, and he shouldn’t, but he is. He turns a bit, so he can watch Erik, who looks back, his eyes half-lidded. His fingers move over Nadir’s tummy, tickling. Nadir bites his lip, stifling a laugh. “Erik.” He whispers. He should say no, but he doesn’t stop Erik, when he leans down, pressing his lips against Nadir.

He retreats quickly, observing Nadir. “You want me? Still?” he asks.

Nadir takes a sharp breath. “I already said I won’t leave you, Erik.”

Erik shakes his head. “No, do you… do you still want me? Do you…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, but Nadir knows. It is quite amazing how he learn so much of Erik by just watching him.

“Yes. I do.” He answers.

He feels tears on his cheek, and he quickly presses Erik against him, his head on his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Erik sobs. “I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you.”

Nadir sits upright, Erik moving with him, and he places his fingers under Erik’s chin, tilting his head up. Tears spill over Erik’s cheek. Nadir wastes no time, kissing Erik on the lips, gently.

Erik closes his eyes, his shoulders slumping, and he kisses back soundly.

Nadir was wrong. He doesn’t want to trade places with his sister – he’s right where he belongs. He loves this man who is in his arms, and he will not trade him. For anything.

___________________

“When will I meet this dreamboat of yours? I was not going to mention it, but with a name like Erik, I have to wonder, is he white?” Darius asks, as he presses buttons on the machine. Coffee pours out in his cup.

It’s been a week since the wedding, and Nadir is trying to act cool when he’s at work. He managed to gather information from Darius on who’s working on the homeless case. It’s Remy Boulia, and luckily, he is not the sharpest tool in the shed, so Nadir doesn’t worry. He may or may not meddled with some things.

Nadir sighs, and he’s holding his cup of coffee firmly, for if Darius is going to slap him again on the back. “For my part, never, and yes, he is white.”

Darius raises one eyebrow particularly high. “Is he thin?”

“Darius! Stop it!”

“I’m curious! I’m beginning to think he’s in your head.”  Darius shrugs. “And if he’s anything like Pierre, I think you have a type.”

“He’s nothing like Pierre.” Nadir sighs. “Erik is… how do I explain this, he’s born with a deformity. He is thin and –” he gives a hard glance at Darius, who closes his mouth immediately. “– his face is very hard to look at. He’ll probably wear his mask when you visit, but don’t stare, please.”

They walk to their usual table at the window, and Nadir sees Darius frowning when he looks outside.

“What’s wrong?” Nadir asks, as he takes a quick glance outside too, and then again, paling. Outside, Erik crosses the street with a little box in his hands, heading to the police station. Nadir drops his cup on the table, and runs to the entrance, hearing Darius following him. What is Erik doing here!

He’s at the nick of time, seeing Erik talking to the reception. The poor woman – Grace – behind the counter seems scared, but she keeps having a brave, and polite face. “Darling!” he yells, waving. Darius laughs behind him, whispering ‘Darling? Really?’ softly.

Erik looks up at the sound of his voice, and Grace turns too, motioning to Nadir if he knows Erik. Nadir nods to her. Erik already walks to him, and in closer inspection, Nadir sees he’s holding the lunch box Nadir made this morning.

“You forgot this.” Erik gives him the lunch box, and he leans forward, his lips near Nadir’s ear. “I have put something under your sandwich, and I want you to use it when you’re home.” His lips touches Nadir’s ear, and he shivers. “And I want you to know, yes, I want it.”

Then lips graces Nadir’s cheek, giving a kiss. Nadir locks his eyes with Erik, and honest to Allah, he winks before he turns, leaving the station as quick as he came. He sees Grace gaping at him, and hears Darius whistling.

“You are turning red, Nadir! Did he whisper naughty things?” Darius chuckles.

Nadir ignores him, as he opens his lunch box, curious. He lifts his sandwiches up (while shoving Darius away with his shoulder), and turns more crimson as he sees one condom laying there. He slaps his lunch box closed.

“What – what is it!”

“Nothing!” Nadir barks, while his heart hammers hard in his chest

“Huh… should I visit tonight?”

“No!”

“That’s what I thought.”

  ___________________

There’s no sound of the television. Nor sound in the kitchen. It’s quiet.

Nadir hangs his coat, listening carefully, and moves to his bedroom, knocking softly on the door. His other hands holds the lunch box. His heart speeds up again, and it’s ridiculous. It’s not his first time, he knows what to do, so why is he feeling nervous? It’s just Erik. Just Erik. Oh Allah, it is Erik. He remembers his own thoughts clear as day, how he will never sleep with Erik. Those thoughts were short-lived.

The door opens, and it shows Erik in Nadir’s bathrobe, and only that. Nadir gulps, and he raises his lunch box, opening it, showing the condom. He raises an eyebrow in question.

“Hmm?” Erik teases.

“Do I have permission to enter my own bedroom?” Nadir asks. Erik nods slowly, and he draws back, but Nadir grabs his wrist, bringing his attention back. “But, I want you to fuck me,” he continues. He thought about it since Erik’s little visit, and he wants Erik’s first time to be safe, to feel good. “So,” Nadir takes a step back in the hallway, a teasing grin on his face. “I’m going to shower first. I’ve been working all day.”

He gives the lunch box to Erik, who looks speechless, and heads to the bathroom. Although he’s teasing Erik back, Nadir is quick with his shower, scrubbing every inch of his body clean. He dries off, doesn’t bother with putting his clothes back on, and goes straight to the bedroom.

Nadir knows he’s good looking, and he isn’t ashamed of his body, but he blushes nonetheless when Erik looks at him. Or he blushes because of the fact Erik had shrug of his bathrobe, sitting naked on the bed. His body has changed in time, more flesh on his bones, looking fuller.

Erik glances over Nadir’s body, from up to down, an appreciating look on his face. Nadir crawls onto the bed, capturing Erik’s lips with his own. No more words. Erik pushes Nadir on his back, oh so gentle, so he’s below Erik, their hips slotted together. They kiss messily, starving for each other. Nadir’s scruff touching Erik’s sensitive skin.

They break the kiss, panting for air, and Nadir blinks when Erik fists one hand in his wet locks. He leans down, sucking on Nadir’s skin, beneath the jaw. He’s murmuring, and Nadir tries his best to listen, but Erik’s lips on his skin are distracting him. “Erik, what’re you saying?” He groans.

“I don’t count myself as a lucky person,” Erik sucks on Nadir’s collarbone, biting slightly. “But I do feel one right one, you’re so pretty, and you’re in lo – you want me. All of me.”

 Nadir hauls him up for another kiss, tongues tangling. Nadir spreads his legs so he can lock them around Erik’s hips, pushing him down. He can feel Erik’s hardness against his, and moans into the kiss. Erik does the same, and gives a few short, sharp thrusts. Allah, Nadir never has been this aroused, he wants Erik to pin him down and take. He wants to be full.

“Erik, please,” He pleads, rolling his hips, his erection sliding against Erik’s. “Please.”

But Erik doesn’t give him what he wants, his cold hands going over Nadir’s chest. He sits upright, so Nadir plants his feet back on the bed, missing the weight on him. Nadir leans on his elbows, giving a seductive look. “Erik,” he spreads his legs more, presenting himself to Erik, who looks. “Come on.”

Erik slides his right hand over Nadir’s thigh, and Nadir thrusts to the touch. Erik scoots up, so his cock is against Nadir’s, taking them both in his hand, stroking. A moan escapes Nadir, and he watches with hooded eyes,  thrusting into Erik’s hand.

Panting, Erik strokes faster, putting more pressure. Pre-cum makes Erik’s long fingers sticky, and Erik moans when he thumbs the head of his cock, then over Nadir’s. Nadir hisses and he reaches for the bottle of lube in his nightstand’s drawer. He opens it with the nail of his thumb and let some drip over Erik’s fingers, making them slick.

Erik gives him a quick glance, then retreats his hand, his finger playing with the lube mixed with cum now.

“Fuck me with your fingers,” Nadir says, his voice full arousal. “I need you in me now, Erik.”

Erik growls, grabbing the bottle from Nadir’s hand and slicks his long fingers more, while watching Nadir. The sight gives Nadir nervous rolls in his stomach, and he bites his lip when Erik trails his fingers down, pressing his index finger against the tight muscle. Nadir lays on his back, taking a deep breath and exhaling, trying to relax. Erik pushes in until the last knuckle, and he moves it, curling. Experimenting.

They add more lube, making his hole slick enough, and Erik squeezes another finger. Carefully, he tries to scissor, spreading him more open. Nadir is panting, and he likes the feeling, being penetrated, more than he likes to admit. When the third finger is inside him, Nadir wiggles his hips, wanting the fingers deeper in him. The index finger curls again, and a jolt of pleasure goes through Nadir, and he moans loud, his mouth open.

Erik looks up at the sound, a mischievous grin on his face. Now both his three fingers hit the spot, rubbing it mercilessly. Nadir throws his head back, howling, and his toes curling. He’s always been loud in bed, and he doesn’t make an exception with Erik, who actually seems to enjoy it.

“Yes,” he purrs, so sweet. “Let me hear you. God, I love the sounds you make. I love your voice.”

With his other hand he strokes Nadir, over stimulating him. Nadir claws the sheets under him, his knees up, legs spread. He keeps moaning, sometimes a yell in pleasure when Erik  rolls his thumb over the head of his cock, and a jab at his prostate at the same time. Nadir feels too much, and his stomach is tightening, coming close. He closes his eyes, enjoying, giving himself to Erik, and with a stuttering yell he comes in Erik’s hand, cum spurting over his stomach. Pleasure waves over his body. He squeezes the fingers inside him, and when he flutters his eyes open, he sees Erik watching him, lust in his amber eyes.

Erik pulls his fingers out, leaving Nadir gaping, and empty. Erik grabs the condom from the nightstand, having trouble with opening it with how slippery his fingers are, but he succeeds. He rolls the condom over his uncut cock, adding more lube over it. He surges forward, giving Nadir a firm kiss, to distract him, when he presses his cock against the muscle. Nadir groans, grabbing Erik’s shoulders, shaking when Erik pushes beyond the rim, entering him. A sting of pain goes through Nadir, and he tries to relax more, kissing Erik messily, not caring about technique.

Erik sinks further, slowly, for not to hurt Nadir, and whispers soothing words, that makes Nadir blush. “So good to me, sweetheart, darling.” he kisses again, his tongue passing Nadir’s lips. Erik bottoms out eventually, their hips together, and the stretch does burn. Nadir moans against Erik’s lips, his eyes closed, but he feels Erik’s eyes on him, questioning him. Nadir squeezes, and hisses, feeling how full he is.

Erik moves finally, pulling out, ‘til the head catches the rim, and pushes in again. Nadir drawls out a long moan, and wraps his legs around Erik’s waist again, pulling him closer. Their lips meet again, kissing sloppily, as Erik slides in and out, controlled. Nadir wants more, and he knows it’s Erik’s first time, but he has a need. He wants Erik to fill it.

“Dear,” he growls, and he wraps his arms around Erik’s neck. “Give it to me, I want to feel you.” Erik makes a sound, a mix between desperate and hunger, and gives a sharp thrust. “Ahh, yes, deeper,” Erik rolls his hips, and he bites in Nadir’s neck, though soft. Nadir moans. “Harder, Erik – yes! Give it to me, give it to me –” the bed creaks under them, the slap of skin hitting skin fills the bedroom. “Harder, baby, make me forget about the others. I want you.”

At the mention of ‘others’, Erik growls loud, and slams into Nadir, taking his breath away. So worth it. He’s complete boneless beneath Erik, his thoughts gone, at Erik’s mercy. Nadir loves it, loving the brutal space and he lets Erik hear it. He moans in Erik’s ear, long and loud, driving him crazy.

Erik’s hips stutter, and Nadir sees Erik biting his lip. He is close. “Oh, sweetheart, your voice –” he groans, and his hips still, coming inside the condom. Nadir curses internally, and he makes a note to make a doctor’s appointment for a test soon as possible.

Erik collapses on Nadir, breathing fast and hard, but satisfied, as Nadir sees him smiling. They kiss again, as their bodies rest. Erik pulls out eventually, Nadir hisses, and sits up, looking down between Nadir’s legs, his thumb going over the hole. He slips out the condom, tying a knot in it. He leaves the room, to throw it away, but Nadir hears water running, and he raises lazily an eyebrow at the sound.

Erik returns with a damp towel, and cleans Nadir’s stomach. Nadir thanks him, and he is once again embraced, a body next to him. Nadir smiles, and wraps his arms around Erik’s waist, kissing his chin. Erik is steadily falling to sleep, his eyes half closed. Nadir closes his eyes too, and it doesn’t take long or he slumbers to sleep.

___________________

Nadir is freezing his ass off , and he zips his coat more up until the point you can only see his nose and eyes. Erik wanted to go out late in the evening, and Nadir didn’t want him to be alone, so he tagged along. He has his arm locked with Erik’s, showing that they’re a couple, and it excites Nadir a bit. He doesn’t even look where Erik is going, but he almost stops when he recognizes the street where his parents live.

Erik feels him freeze for a bit, and he did stop, watching him. “What’s wrong, darling?” he asks. Nadir flushes at the name, but he tries to pull Erik away from the street. Erik doesn’t budge.

“Dear, my parents live here. I don’t want them to see us.” Nadir says muffled, thanks to the coat covering his mouth. Erik looks at the street, and Nadir follows his gaze, and to his horror he sees a car passing them that looks identical to his parents’ car. His mother is in the passenger seat, and she looks up. Their eyes lock. Her eyes widen in surprise.

The car drives further down the street, searching for a parking spot. Nadir pulls Erik’s arm again. “Let’s go!” he pleads. The car parks, and his parents step out. His mother turns to watch him, and even from afar Nadir sees she looks sad. He yearns to be at her side, but that feeling stops when he sees his father, who’s taking a interest in Erik. His face is everything but sad. He is angry.

“Shall we go, darling?” Erik asks, loud enough for Nadir’s parents to hear. 

Nadir looks up to him, and he nods. “Yes, dear.”

He takes one last look at his parents, and then crosses the street, Erik by his side. He sighs, and put his head against Erik’s shoulder. “It’s so strange.” He says, and he unhooks his arm so he can slide his hand with Erik’s, holding hands.

“What is strange?” Erik says, as he intertwines his fingers between Nadir’s.

“I lived there my whole life, my parents raised me there, loved me, taught me great things… and it’s gone. My home is gone.” Nadir says, feeling sad, thinking back at his past.

Erik shakes his head. “You can make a new home. You already have a beautiful home, at least, I’m fond of your home.” He smiles fondly.

“Oh?” Nadir says, a smile crooking up in one corner. “It’s your home too, if you want. Do you…” Nadir swallows. “Do you think it’s your home?”

Erik gives him a side-eye glance. “My home is where you are.” He confesses. It stuns Nadir a bit, and he stops walking. Erik turns, puzzled look in his eyes. “What?”

Nadir surges up and smashes his lips with Erik’s, his hand on the cheek of the mask. Erik moans in surprise, but eventually he kisses back, smiling. “Allah, I love you.” Nadir whispers between kisses. “So much. Stay with me.”

“You know I will.”