Chapter Text
Miranda left the newspaper on the kitchen island. She had never tried dating apps, and now that she had read Andy's article, she was less willing to do so (not that she would ever do such a thing, she had a reputation to keep, and she could only imagine the things Page Six would write about her if they found out she was trying online dating).
Perhaps she wrote this because we're in Pride Month, to get more feedback. In any case, she has used these apps. Does she really think she's gonna find love there, when there are so many people she could meet in person? The Editor-in-Chief may never have used technology to find a partner, but she had a clear idea about what most people were looking for there.
Is she just interested in casual sex? Is she a one-stand kind of woman? Doesn't she know how dangerous these damn apps can be? What if someone took advantage of her? Am I just overthinking? Why am I thinking of her and her love life in the first place? Miranda shook her head and took of her glasses.
"You have to get your shit together, she left you in Paris, for God's sake," she muttered to herself, "you planted the seed to make sure she would have a brilliant future ahead. It's absolutely inappropriate for you to think of your ex-employees' personal lives."
Nonetheless, sending Andy a letter with her personal opinion about her two published articles was not considered inappropriate, right?
A week later...
"Oh, my God!" Andy had to reread the address on the letter she was holding. A letter from Miranda Priestly herself? How was that possible? What could she possibly want? "Maybe she's finally sending me a threat for the way I left her in Paris, it was about time." she told herself.
She sat on her sofa, her hands trembling a little for some reason, "Oh, wow, definitely not what I expected." she mumbled, feeling small tears forming in her eyes.
Dear Andrea,
I'm writing to let you know that I find your two published articles quite acceptable. I knew one day I would see your name written on the pages of that modest newspaper. You will write for bigger newspapers in no time, I have no doubt.
PS: I am surprised you are that unlucky using those apps. Now I know people using them aren't capable of recognizing when a woman is quite the catch: brilliant and beautiful. I don't think you should be wasting your time on them, but that is just my opinion, of course.
Yours,
Miranda
Andy's eyes scanned the letter three times, and stopped to reread the "Yours" several times. It doesn't mean anything, she meant 'Goodbye'. But did she really call me brilliant and beautiful?! I gotta text my friends.
And so she did:
Andy: OMG YOU GUYS!
Nigel: what? Did you finally get a match on 'Tingle'?
Andy: better! I received a letter from Miranda!
Emily: no fucking way! Why would she write to YOU?
Serena: isn't it obvious?
Emily: she doesn't work for her, so no.
Nigel: WHAT DID SHE WRITE TO YOU ABOUT? COME ON, I'M ABOUT TO JUMP ON MY SEAT
Andy: join the club, I'm speechless! She told me she liked my articles and also that I'm brilliant and beautiful
Emily: you must have hit your head, that's not possible, she never pays compliments to anybody!
Andy: want me to take a picture?
Serena: I love letters, more so if they're love letters, this is amazing, Andy!
Andy *sends pic of the letter*
Nigel: holy shit, Six, that's huge coming from our dear Dragon Lady
Emily: I'm relieved, this means we won't have to think of a big plan for you to ask her out. This isn't regular Miranda behaviour if I say so myself
Serena: excuse me, I'm gonna go grab a tissue, when is the wedding?
Andy: not so fast xD Maybe she was just being friendly, ya know?
Emily: oh, sure, Miranda Priestly is famous for hugging her employees and throwing pajama parties at her house!
Nigel: I have known her for more years than I'm willing to admit (I'm still young, say whatever you want!) and I agree, it feels like a love confession, or at least she may be infatuated with you. Not gonna lie, I did sense some gay vibes when you were still working at Runway.
Andy: what gay vibes?
Nigel: oh, come on! Like you don't know
Serena: all that eye-sex was pretty sexy
Emily: eww, Serena, eww!
Serena: what? We used to do that all the time!
Emily: we were?
Serena: you really were clueless about me trying to seduce you. You're clever but sometimes you can be really obtuse.
Emily: HEY!
Nigel: it's true, I knew you'd get together sooner or later
Andy: and did any of you think there could ever be something between Miranda and me?
Nigel: I thought you two were getting it on during all those times you shared the elevator and her limousine.
Andy: whaaat? No! Of course not!
Nigel: well, forgive me, but I thought 'riding the elevator with her' was code for something else ;)
Serena: me too, we lost our bet against Emily
Andy: you bet about my sexual life? Now it's my time to say EWW!
Emily: yeah, eww for you, not for my wallet :3
Andy: ¬¬
Nigel: so, Six, what are you gonna do? Send her another letter? Or call her, if you still have her number?
Andy: I haven't thought about it. I will talk to her, of course, but... what do you recommend?
Serena: you lesbians are too slow with taking the first step, I say you call her instead of writing back and forth. And I really find romantic sending letters, but I need to see the two of you dating already.
Emily: this isn't a bloody TV show or a reality, Serena
Serena: you're right, this is way better, because it's my friend trying to woo her ex-Boss, the most intimidating woman in New York!
Andy: I still have her number. I meant to delete it, but a part of me didn't want to. Don't know if that's creepy, but...
Nigel: IT'S BEING PRACTICAL! COME ON, CALL HER, IMMEDIATELY! And come back to this chat the second you're finished talking, I BEG OF YOU
Andy: alright, alright, I will :P
The brunette pressed on the calling button on her phone, feeling her heart beating fast. She took a breath, let it out and repeated those steps twice before hearing a familiar, husky voice on the other side:
"Yes?"
"Mi... Miranda?"
"Oh, I don't know, do you have a habit of calling random people, not knowing who you're really calling?" she asked playfully.
"No, of course not, that would be silly." Andy laughed nervously. Ok, you got this.
"So?"
"Oh, sorry. I uh... I have received your letter, and read it."
"Well, that's usually how letters work. Good to know you are still capable of reading letters." she was having a lot of fun making Andy nervous.
"Right. I want to say thank you for... for taking the time to read my articles. I had no idea you would ever see anything written by me. Do you usually read The Mirror? I took you for a The New York Times kind of woman."
"Is it a crime wanting to stay informed, comparing several newspapers instead of trusting whatever one of them tells its readers?"
"No! Not at all! I think that's pretty clever, actually." Andy could hear her heart beating in her ears. Now what?
"Hmm... I really am clever. It takes a clever woman to hire a smart one, after all." Andy did not need to see Miranda to know the woman was smiling as she was saying this.
"This is like the second time you pay me a compliment, I'm still recovering from your letter." she admitted, smiling herself, and feeling a bit less nervous.
"Don't let it go to your head."
"Never."
"Speaking of being clever, do you think it's clever using that type of apps? Would you recommend it to, let's say, a divorced, older woman, and a mother of two at that?"
Wait, what? Andy felt her pulse racing, and truth be told, she was feeling a bit upset too, "No, I think you should stay away from them, I could tell you so many stories about the kind of conversations I've had there... unless your aim is to end up being disappointed."
"That would be tragic, indeed. And would you, by any chance, want to tell me all those stories over dinner, let's say, tonight at my place?"
"I... SURE! I would love to. Should I bring anything? Wine, perhaps?" Oh, my God, I got a dinner invitation from La Priestly!
"No need, I have everything I need here," the older woman made a pause, "Well, almost everything." she added, in a lower tone of voice, which sent shivers to Andy's spine.
"Good, well, does eight o'clock work for you?"
"Yes. Goodbye." and with that, Miranda hung up.
Andy opened her friends' chat, still trying to process her short conversation with her ex-Boss:
Andy: YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!
Serena: she told you she loves you and asked you to marry her? Will Patricia be in charge of bringing the rings?
Emily: this is too fast even for a lesbian like Miranda.
Andy: she told me to meet her at her house! We're having dinner together!
Nigel: and dessert *wiggle wiggle*
Andy: nah, it's just that she wants me to tell her all about my failed dating experiences. She needs a laugh, and I have no problem with that
Serena: she wants to prove to you nothing about dating her will be a failure, you two are destined to be together, even since that day you were wearing that... particular sweater and mocked at all of us
Andy: sorry ^^'
Emily: and don't forget that hideous skirt, pff!
Andy: HEY!
Nigel: it really was hideous. BUT I bet Miranda lost it at seeing you wearing the Chanel boots xD
Serena: not the only one, it really was quite the sight, you were killing it that day
Emily: AHEM! ¬¬
Serena: what? She looked great. You do too, every day, querida *kiss emoji*
Emily: alright :)
Nigel: so, what are you gonna wear?
Andy: I kept some things from The Closet (don't tell Miranda). I thought of wearing a dark red blouse and a pair of black Chanel pants, unless that's too much! But Nigel said I looked great in those once.
Nigel: yes, girl, all her attention will be driven to your sweet ass, believe me
Emily: eww, Nigel, eww!
Andy: *meme of Adele laughing*
Serena: if he says so, then it must be true, so yes, you must bring your A-game. We believe in you. And keep us posted!
Andy: will do. I have to get ready, I have to be there in 2 hours, byeeee!
Five minutes to eight o'clock, Andy was standing at Miranda's door. If she had learned anything from her time working for her, is that arriving at the exact time they had agreed on meant being late. She shook her hands nervously, trying to calm herself.
"Okay, okay, okay, here I am. This is it, here I go, I'm gonna press that little..." and before she could ring the bell, the door opened, to her surprise.
"Are you going to stay there and continue talking to yourself, or will you prefer having dinner instead?" the silver-haired woman raised an eyebrow, amused. She had her arms crossed, which drove Andy's attention towards her good graces. She was wearing a white blouse and a black skirt. A blouse with a generous v-line, the journalist noticed, "Ahem." Miranda cleared her throat.
Shit, she caught me staring. Why am I behaving like a perv?! "Sorry, I will just come in." she came in, mentally chastising herself.
"Follow me." Miranda led the way to the kitchen, and maybe it was Andy's imagination, but she could swear she was swinging her hips in a more exaggerated way than usual, which she did not mind at all. Andy was praying there were not any cameras at the house, because she really could not keep her eyes off of her ex-Boss' buttocks.
"Cara has made mushroom risotto and chicken. They're her specialty. Every time I've asked her to give me the recipe for her chicken, she's refused to and said it's a family recipe. Well, at least we get to eat it, right?"
"Can't wait to try it then."
"Wine?"
"Yes, please." Andy let Miranda fill her glass.
"So, you have used dating apps."
"Yes, I would never write I have done something on an article of mine if it wasn't true. Any questions? Or should I just share some of my boring and disappointing experiences?"
"By all means, tell me everything." after taking a bite of her risotto, Miranda looked at her intently, as if she would hear anything Andy would like to say to her.
"Alright, where to start?" she took a sip of her wine, "Let's start with the most basic thing: people's bio."
"That's the section where people write a short description to introduce themselves, yes?"
"Exactly. Well, I can't believe the amount of times I've seen women..." Fuck, should I just tell her? "Uhm... first of all, I have been using 'Tingle' to meet women, do you have a problem with that?"
"Not at all." Interesting.
"Oh, okay." she sighed in relief, "You wouldn't believe the amount of women who select Hiking, Climbing, Camping, Gym, Nature... as their interests. It makes me think they all have a Heidi complex or something, you know?"
"Not a fan of going on a trip to the mountains?"
"Not really. Even more so now that I've moved to New York; I'm just in love with the lights, and I love going to Broadway. I mean, there are still lots of plays I haven't been to, but the ones I have seen with my father were amazing."
"So you like the theater... and is there any play in particular you'd like to see?"
"Wicked, for sure."
Miranda looked at her contemplatively, as if she was thinking of something.
"Anyway, that's not all, there's worse. Many of them also marked Spirituality and yoga. Like no offense, but I once followed a Youtube tutorial to try and relax a little and I was bored out of my mind."
"You need to keep your mind occupied doing something at all times, isn't that right?"
"Exactly!"
"I too tried yoga once, and I agree. Pilates, on the other hand, helps me keep myself in shape as well as stay active. I spend too much time seating at my desk at the office, and that's when I'm not at a meeting listening to some pompous simpleton."
"You do pilates?"
"Is that all you got from what I just said?"
"No, of course not. I think it's amazing." She does have an amazing ass, and calves, and... ugh, stop behaving like a horny teenager!
"It sure does wonders for my mind and... body."
Why the dramatic pause? Is she teasing me? Has she noticed I have it bad for her? This is embarrasing! I have to get it together and keep talking. "I'm sure it does. Err, where was I? Oh, other women don't even bother adding a picture, it's just a black screenshot, like, am I trying to woo the darkness or what? Go giiirl, give us nothing!" she took another sip of her drink.
Miranda seemed amused by this. Good.
"And others will upload a picture of one of their eyes, like, who do you think you are, The Big Brother?" Andy was moving her hands constantly, giving emphasis to everything she was telling the older woman, which she loved.
"That's so creepy, oh my God."
"Right? Another hobby that appears in more than 90% of the profiles I've seen is craft beer! I swear I'm not exaggerating, it's like everybody thinks beer is a personality trait! I don't like beer at all, unless it's lemon-flavored."
"Do they really do that? If I had a profile there, I would pick things I can do as hobbies, not a drink, seems pointless. Is fashion listed as a hobby? Just out of curiosity."
"As a matter of fact, yes. Who knows? You may even get matched to Anna Wintour." she joked. Oh, no, maybe she would be upset about it, since both magazine editors-in-chief hated each other so much.
"Don't be ridiculous, Andrea. The only matching situation Anna and I would be involved in is a boxing match."
Andy laughed at this, "Miranda, you're terrible!"
"I am the Dragon Lady after all." she said holding her head up, delighted at knowing she had made Andy laugh, "Ready to try the chicken?"
"Absolutely!"
They both let out a content moan after taking the first bite of Cara's spectacular dish, and stared at each other at the same time after hearing their reactions. No, they were not feeling anything funny down there, not at all.
The younger woman cleared her throat, "Shall I continue?"
"Yes, tell me more."
"Alright, so, another thing that's very popular is taking a selfie playing acoustic guitar, bonus if you also have a dog. Many women will take pictures with their dogs. So, you know, Patricia would be quite useful if you wanted to join this wild online dating world."
"If someone believes they need their furry friend to get a date, they must not be that interesting to begin with. I know I wouldn't do that."
"I guess it looks friendly? Like, people will know you're an animal person."
"That makes sense, but regardless, I wouldn't want Patricia to steal the spotlight from me."
"Jealous much? I mean, she's a beautiful, sweet girl."
"That's very true."
"Woof!"
Both women looked at the fluff fellow, who was standing near the kitchen door.
"Patricia! Oh my God, I had forgotten how big she was! Come here, girl!" Andy patted her legs, and the dog approached her waving her tail happily.
"I swear sometimes I think she is a person reincarnated into a dog. It's like she knew we were talking good things about her." Miranda said.
"She's very smart. I guess it runs in the family. Aren't you a smart girl?" she petted her behind her ears.
"Should I take a picture of you two so you can use it in your profile?" Miranda joked, taking a sip of her wine.
"Oh, no, I already erased it. You're not the only one who can't stand disappointment, and this was the usual for me."
"Really? What exactly would make someone with so much patience and resilience quit?"
"Not quitting, more like choosing to stop wasting time and getting my hopes up for nothing. In another app I had previously used, a man asked me out."
"A man?" she asked surprised.
"Yes, some girls I had spoken to warned me about this: there are dudes selecting "female" and "lesbian" in their profiles thinking lesbians will actually hook up with them! Isn't it disgusting? Bryan, 35, let's have a good time, my place or yours. Eggplant and sweat droplets emojis."
"That's lame, as my daughters would say. They should read a dictionary and check the meaning of 'lesbian', for God's sake." she rolled her eyes.
"Exactly. And there are also a lot of straight couples 'looking for a girl to live new experiences'. Eww."
"You know, I'm glad you're letting me know about all of this so I will never feel tempted to create a profile for myself. I will rather meet someone in person, call me old-fashioned."
"Yeah, that would be better, but gay women have it worse. It's like everybody is straight wherever you go, you can't go to a bar without a man hitting on you."
"You must be really popular, I'm not surprised." she said, finishing her chicken.
"Wha...? Oh, well, I mean, I'm not Serena, she practically looks like a top model, but, I guess I am not doing bad myself." she was blushing furiously.
"She is a gorgeous woman, but Andrea, you shouldn't think so poorly of yourself, I mean every word I said in the letter."
"Thanks. It was refreshing reading a well-written letter. You would be surprised of how many people can't even distinguish 'your' from 'you're', it makes me so mad! I stopped talking to a couple of girls who would do this as well as using 'then' instead of 'than' and other words. And they wouldn't write even one sentence without misspelling words, ever. Everything looked like it was written in code. If you're so lazy about grammar and spelling, then... thank you, next."
"That's a pet peeve of mine too. We're quite similar in some things."
"Yeah, I remember you saying you saw a great deal of yourself in me."
"But you didn't like that at all, did you?" Miranda seemed hurt.
"That's not true! I'm glad we're having this conversation. I'd like to clarify why I left."
"I'm listening."
"I was upset because of what you did to Nigel, and I didn't want to become someone who betrays their friends."
"Ouch."
"No, but, I get it now. You don't do things to screw up people's lives. You did what you had to do to keep your job position because Irv and Jacqueline plotted against you in order to replace you with a younger woman, and let's be honest: Jacqueline isn't half as talented as you. You have worked so hard all these years to run this fashion Empire and for what? So you get ditched all of a sudden? That's not fair. And it's not like you left Nigel unemployed, you just prevented him from working with James. He is still working at Runway."
"I'm quite surprised, in a good way, that you figured it out. That's exactly why things happened the way they did." she seemed relieved.
"I was too naive and wasn't thinking straight when I left the way I did, it was so childish of me... and I regret it so much, believe me, Miranda." she finished with a serious tone.
"I do, Andrea." she smiled just a little.
"Oh. Good. Because I thought you'd hate me. I really thought you'd blackmail me or something."
"Never. I want what's best for you: that's why I wrote that letter of recommendation to The Mirror."
"That was very thoughtful of you, and I'm so grateful. I don't know how to repay you."
"Yes, well... as long as you keep getting your articles published, that's all I need. My album isn't gonna get filled on its own." she said nonchalantly.
"Album? What album?" Andy raised an eyebrow.
"Wait here. Patricia, make sure she's comfortable, don't jump into her lap." she ordered her dog, who just barked and sat still, looking at Andy smiling.
She came back two minutes later, and gave the album to the journalist.
The journalist opened it. There were two pieces of paper on it, and she gasped at seeing what they were.
"Miranda! You are collecting my works?" she asked with glee in her eyes.
"Of course I am. You're a brilliant writer, Andrea."
"Woah, I don't know what to say..."
"Don't say anything. Just do what you do best: write. Make me proud."
The older woman noticed Andy was about to cry, and she sat up, alarmed, "Oh, no, Andrea, don't cry, this is the last thing I would want."
Patricia placed a paw on Andy's knee, and she chuckled, "I'm fine, it's happy tears, I promise." she said, and saw Patricia make space for Miranda, who had bent on her knee, holding a handkerchief, drying her tears.
"That's better. We wouldn't want to ruin your mascara."
Andy stopped breathing for a few seconds at the sight. If one day she saw Miranda proposing to her like this, she would die on the spot.
"Better?"
"I'll be once I finish my chicken. You were right, it's so good." Andy replied, making Miranda chuckle before returning to her seat at the table.
The brunette ate the reminders of her dish and nodded to herself, "Fuck, Miranda, you were right, this is delicious. If I were rich, I'd try to steal Cara from you."
"Try and heads will roll." she said in a low tone, finishing her wine.
"Got it. We wouldn't want that for my 'brilliant and precious head', right?"
"Indeed. You are welcome to join me and my Bobbseys for lunch or dinner any time so you can try other delicatessens Cara will prepare."
"I would love that." Andy beamed. I'm gonna keep seeing her, oh my God, this is the best day of my life!
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"Oh, I just... I am very happy that you wanna keep in touch with me. I really missed you." she admitted.
"You missed running like a headless chicken to bring me scolding coffee? You really must be a masochist."
"Don't be absurd, Miranda, I mean I missed you. Just... sitting at my desk and seeing you were at your office, working."
"So you liked stalking me?" the older woman asked amused.
"No! I just... wait, you're teasing me. You're being funny. Who would have thought the Ice Queen had a sense of humor?"
"Oh, I have been teasing you from the moment you were standing at my door."
"Yeah, you're really good at that." she said, feeling a bit self-conscious. Patricia sensed something was going on between them and left the kitchen to give them some privacy, "You know, talking to you is easier than talking to girls on those apps. They're boring and some can't get a hint."
"Meaning?"
"Well, before 'Tingle' I used an app that was designed specifically for gay women. It was worse than 'Tingle', because you couldn't even choose any interests to begin with, so imagine what it was like seeing girls' profiles with no description and no hobbies. And there was this one girl who asked about my bio, because I had made it very clear I didn't want anything with someone who wasn't at least my age."
"You don't like younger girls? I'm so used to hearing men being assholes about older women... This is new."
"Yeah, I have always been attracted to older women." she said without blinking an eye. Especially you.
"And what did this girl ask you?"
"'Is it okay if I am younger?'" Naturally, I replied 'it's fine if it's just to become friends'."
"I can see where this is heading. But please, continue."
"Okay, so she replied 'a ok.' Without the 'h' behind the 'a'. She replied like this a bunch of times, actually. I found it upsetting. Anyway, she suddenly sent me pics of her –not naked, mind you- asking what I thought of her body. I was confused, and thought maybe she had self-steem issues and needed a little push to pursue other girls in the app, so I said 'cool hair' and she sent me more pics. But then, she asked out of the blue 'Do you think we could hook up some day?' And I was like, oh no, this can't be happening!"
"How can someone be so obtuse? You told her you only wanted friendship because of her age." The audacity of that bitch. Who did she think she was?
"Yes! That's what I thought! And so I replied 'I told you I only like older women.' And she asked 'What do you mean?' I was losing my patience.
"I would've stopped talking to her immediately."
"Oh, I did, but just after the following question: 'What kind of movies do you like?' She mentioned these genres: romance, comedy and never horror movies, which I can relate to. Then I told her some of my favorite ones: Legally Blonde, Imagine Me & You, Corpse Bride... and she told me she didn't know any of these. Do you understand my frustration? I felt so offended! Like, hello? I wasn't even born when Edward Scissorhands or Grease were released, and when ABBA started their career, and yet, I know them and many more things from before the 90s! I don't think I'm asking for too much here, just someone with some good taste in pop culture. Not knowing Legally Blonde? Come on!
"What? Like it's hard?" Miranda quoted, making Andy chuckle.
"I stopped talking to her right there. Then there was this other girl who sent me a message saying, regarding my bio 'What if I'm 200 years old but in a 25 years old body?' I thought 'Does she have a vampire complex?' I simply erased the chat."
"What? I don't know what goes on in those people's minds. I would never have thought online dating would be this hard."
"Same. Another girl, one of those who can't write a simple sentence without making grammar mistakes and without misspelling words, was talking to me using the term 'baby girl' which I hate. And I asked her if she likes binge-watching shows, since I do. She simply replied 'I dnt knew... watched sm, wich ones do ya recommend?' Like, I wanna know which ones you like to make sure we have some shows in common or not. I also erased this chat."
"I think I may have an aneurysm just imagining all these conversations."
"I'm surprised I didn't have any myself. And last one coming from a girl in this app: she asked me where I was from, she was from a different state but said all of a sudden 'My family has a house near New York, I could come visit you.' We had barely spoken at all and she was rushing things already: that's a big nope from me. I told her we should get to know each other better first, and asked her about her taste in TV shows, to which she just replied 'I see a little bit of everything.' Wow, that's so specific and helpful."
"I don't think I've ever seen you be so sarcastic before, I like it." Miranda stated.
"Oh, thank you, although I think it suits you way better. It's funny."
"You think I am funny? I think I'm gonna call a doctor."
"No, really, I mean it. The more sarcastic you are, the funnier and..." I almost blow it up! "the... the coolest you are."
"No, no, say whatever you were gonna say. I wanna hear it."
"Oh, no, I think it would be inappropriate, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."
"Try me. There is nothing you can say that's worse than anything Page Six and people at Elias-Clarke have already stated about me."
"Hotter."
"Excuse me?"
"The more sarcastic you are, the funnier and hotter you are."
"Oh. I'm flattered. It's not every day I get to hear someone saying that about me."
"Well, people are idiots, so..."
"Indeed, they are." she snorted, "Are you still hungry for dessert? Cara's mousse is to die for."
"I love mousse, is it chocolate?"
"Of course."
"Then yes, please."
Once Miranda had taken out two dessert plates from the fridge with Cara's mousse and laid them both on the table, Andy asked:
"Do you feel like playing a game?"
"Color me intrigued."
"Since none of us are gonna use dating apps, I would like to role play as if we were seeing each other's made-up profiles. I'm curious about what would your bio say, and about your hobbies, apart from Fashion, of course."
"Well, now that you've shared with me what works and what doesn't, you would see a picture of me and Patricia, of course."
"Of course." Andy repeated smiling.
"Interests? Hmm... fashion, art, oh, and pole dancing, since I used to be very good at it when I was a teenager."
Andy choked on her mousse, "Excuse me?! You..." she interrupted herself the moment she saw Miranda laughing, actually laughing, whole-heartedly. She had never ever imagined her doing that.
"I'm sorry, but your face... you should have seen yourself..." she wiped a tear away, "Oh, my God, the very thought of me doing... not in a million years. Let's see, what else? How many hobbies can I pick?"
"Five tops."
"Alright, then. I need 3 more."
"What about brunch?"
"That's a thing in the hashtags or whatever they are?"
"Actually, yes. You'd be surprised at seeing the different options the app has."
"I really loved going to brunch with Nigel. We used to do that every week until a few years ago."
"You should do that again then. I know your job is very time-consuming, but it would be fun and good for both of you, for mental health purposes."
"Mimosas as therapy?"
"Or a glass of orange juice and gossiping."
"Nigel always has stories to tell about everyone we know, I don't know how he does it," they both chuckled, "I am also quite good at ice skating. When I was a kid I dreamed of becoming a champion."
"Really? Wow, that's new! You were the Ice Queen, literally."
"Yes, I was. I have a picture Nigel took of me while skating a few years ago, do you want to see it?"
"Sure!"
Miranda returned shortly, portrait in hand, and gave it to Andy.
"You look amazing!" Hello? Gay much? "I mean, it's very cool seeing you doing other activities."
"Other than driving people nuts, you mean? Oh, I could write that on my bio."
You really drive me crazy, but for different reasons. You drive me crazy, I just can't sleep, I'm so excited, I'm in too deep. Shut up, Andy!
"So, we are almost finished with your hobbies. We got: fashion, art, brunch, and skating."
"Then let's add cinema. I love distracting myself from work every now and then and feeling invested in other people's stories."
"Cool, that's 5 hobbies. Unfortunately, you didn't pick artisan beer, hiking, or others related to sports. But if you write an interesting bio, people will read it."
"Miranda, 47. I love driving people nuts, walking my dog, being in charge..."
"Kinky."
"What?"
"The last part... some people are into that, but not as in 'applied to the workplace', you know what I mean?"
"Not really."
"BDSM, and I don't mean Bible Discussion & Study Meeting."
"Oh... Oh! No, no, no, that's unacceptable. Let's mentally scratch that from my bio then." she pinched her nose.
"How about: I'm a dog person, looking for a serious relationship, with a particular sense of humor only very few, lucky people get to see?"
"That sounds nice. But will that be enough to get a date?"
"Or you could write MILF, in caps, to attract people's attention. That will work for sure." she said nodding enthusiastically, "By the way, I'm loving the mousse as well."
"I'll let Cara know. MILF, you said? But what does that even mean?"
Shit. She doesn't know? "You know what? Forget about it."
"No, Andrea, if I want to write the perfect profile, I need to use slang, like modern people do. Tell me, what does MILF mean?"
"Uh... Mother I would Like to... you know..." she said nervously.
"Fear?"
"No."
"Fix? I don't need fixing!"
"No, it's the F-word."
"Oh, you can't be serious! Fuck?!"
"Yes."
"Gross!"
"Well, it's just a term young people use, especially with celebrities. They have another for men, just change the 'M' by a 'D' of 'Dad'.
"You know, people in my time just talked about celebrities in a normal way, we didn't need to use those terms when talking about them."
"We don't need to use them, we just do. I mean, people do, as in in general, not as in me!"
"You are clearly lying. I can read you like a book. Spill it, which celebrities do you refer to as MILFS? I invited you to have dinner at my place. It would be very rude of you to not answer such a simple and innocent question." Innocent my ass.
"Well, you know: Cate Blanchett, Kate Winslet, Julianne Moore, Gillian Anderson..." she recited quickly.
"Good Lord! Breathe, Andrea. You really didn't need to think twice." she had to hold her laugh, "And in your opinion, do you think that term could apply to me? Just, if I hypothetically had a profile so I could add that on my bio. Be serious."
"Damn right!"
"Is that so?" she had a spoonful of her mousse, the last one, and licked the utensil on purpose. It was worth it, since Andy had gulped and had stopped breathing again.
"I'm s... sorry, what did you just ask?"
"I asked if you really think I was... qualified to join the MILF category."
"Yes, I mean, yeah, obviously."
"Good. Now, what would your profile say? I never had a chance to see the real one you used to have."
"Fair enough. I'm gonna try to quote it from memory... Andy, 27. As a journalist, I love traveling and like reading about a variety of topics. If you're able to keep a stimulating conversation, I'm yours. I also enjoy staying in watching movies and TV shows."
"Impressive. And would you consider our conversation stimulating so far?" she raised an eyebrow, not wanting to keep playing games anymore.
"I... yes, I would say so." Holy shit, is she flirting with me?
"Should we say we're a match?"
"Miranda..." she looked down, closing her eyes. Could this really be happening?
"It's a yes from me. I've tapped on the like button, or whatever it is."
"It's a like button, heart-shaped, yes."
"So? What's it gonna be?"
"I've tapped on the like button as well." she said, and they looked into each other's eyes for three entire seconds.
Miranda got up slowly, and looked down at Andy, who was still sitting.
"Andrea..." she tended a hand to her ex-assistant, who took it and stood up as well.
"Yes?" she whispered.
"You are not gonna find love in those damn apps." she stated in a husky tone.
"And why is that?" she kept whispering.
"Because it's standing right in front of you."
"Oh my G..." she was interrupted by Miranda's lips, and she kissed her back, caressing the older woman everywhere she could, like her hands had a life of their own, until Miranda's back was against the kitchen's island.
"Andrea, I..."
"Sshh, don't ruin this." she smiled against her mouth, kissing her even more passionately, without even noticing she was practically on top of her, "Oh, I... I would like to take things slowly, I don't wanna ruin this. I don't know what got into me." she separated herself from the silver-haired woman.
"I am not complaining, but my back, on the other hand..." she cackled.
"I guess I could now add Climbing to my hobbies list." Andy joked.
Both women laughed.
"So, do you still think the title you chose for your article is accurate?"
"My...? Oh. Well, I would have to make an adjustment."
"Oh?"
"Sappho Had been Playing Cupid All Along with Two Useless Lesbians Who Didn't Even Notice."
"It's a long title but... I like it."
"Me too, but there's something I like even more."
"Which is...?"
Andy made a gesture with her index finger, "Your lips on mine, Priestly."
Miranda did not have to think twice. She approached the younger woman, placed two hands on each side of her face and kissed her like there was no tomorrow.
Better late than never.