Chapter Text
Haru Okumura [19/09/20XX]
7:16
Haru: Kurusu-kun?
Akira: oh, good morning!! didn't think you’d be up this early
Haru: Where did you go? Isn't this your room?
Akira: yeah but you basically passed out as soon as you sat down up there and i didn’t know if you’d be comfortable having me stay in the same room as you
Akira: especially after all the shit that went down with that dickhead last night
Haru: Oh my goodness! Is Mona-chan ok!?
Akira: yeah! yeah! no worries he’s staying with one of our friends tonight but he was happy when he left, purring and full of fish
Haru: Oh, that’s good.
Akira: what about you?? do you want to talk about…well any of it really?
Haru: I should, and I will. I know I owe you all at least that much, but for now, I’m just tired.
Akira: yeah i know the feeling
Haru: Come back to your room. I’m afraid I’ve made myself rather at home in your bed but the sofa is assuredly far more comfortable than the seats in the cafe.
Haru: Perhaps we can both get some more sleep before we have to confront the world.
Akira: yeah ok sounds good - i’ll be up in a few
Ryuji Sakamoto → Goro Akechi [19/09/20XX]
8:13
Ryuji: dude u bike?!
Goro: Why do you all have this number?
Ryuji: i saw u on my run!! i didnt know u worked out man!
Goro: I only gave this number to Kurusu.
Ryuji: u wanna come for a jog sometime w me n kira??? pretty sure ive gotta bike somewhere too we could swap routines!!
Goro: Putting aside my issues with the clear unauthorized sharing of my contact details. I was under the impression that you were not exactly my biggest fan, Sakamoto-kun.
Ryuji: dude we’re litrlly textin u sound like a teacher
Ryuji: and i dunno man futaba n ann text u sometimes and i know akira likes u so u cant be too shitty
Ryuji: sides dragging kira outta bed everytime i wanna go for a run aint working
Ryuji: he clings to those sheets
Goro: Unsurprising. Still, no.
Ryuji: c’mon man u dont even havta talk to me if u dont want
Ryuji: im down for a chill morning ride
Goro: I am not going biking with you Sakamoto-kun.
Ryuji: oh
Ryuji: ok yea whatever
Goro: It’s nothing personal, I simply prefer to bike alone. It is one of the few moments I have to myself when out and about.
Ryuji: cool cool yeah that makes sense
Goro: Ok.
Ryuji: yh yh ok
Ryuji: but yknow
Goro: How is every single one of you this relentless? Are they teaching you this at Shujin?
Ryuji: its gonna suck to tell akira that u dont wanna hang out w me
Goro: Alright, wait a moment
Ryuji: really hurts my feelings
Goro: Sakamato-kun.
Ryuji: might cry when i tell him
Goro: This method of persuasion will not be effective.
Ryuji: sure man
Ryuji: guess ill just text kira now then : (
Goro: Fine.
Ryuji: : (
Goro: This is exhausting, shall I expect such attacks from all of your merry bunch?
Ryuji: pulling up his contact now
Goro: Fine! I will attempt to create some time in my schedule. I am willing to accompany you on an occasional run, but I am not willing to allow you to infringe upon my biking time.
Ryuji: works for me dude!!
Ryuji: boundaries are like super chill
Goro: You should tell your friends that.
Ryuji: hope u can keep up with me!
Goro: Trust me, that won’t be a problem.
Women Wanted [19/09/20XX]
13:48
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Sooooo
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Stop me if this is too soon…
Miss Steal Yo Girl: But do I finally get to be the advice giver rather than the disaster with the crush??
The 1 True Gamer Girl: oooooo my girl going up in the world!!!!!! get it ann
President Wifey: Well, I wouldn’t say I’m quite as nervous as you were Ann.
Miss Steal Yo Girl: I’d be totally concerned if you were!
The 1 True Gamer Girl: from what akira tells me thats legit impossible
President Wifey: Which is understandable! Ann was trying to transition a long-term friendship into something romantic. Haru and I have a romantic foundation but everything’s up in the air at the moment…
President Wifey: But now that Mona-chan’s back and Haru is likely to be joining us, I’ll admit I’m a little apprehensive about how her joining the team will impact everything.
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Can I ask where you guys were at before everything kicked off?? Like you mentioned some dates but like date dates like dating girlfriend dates orrrrr
The 1 True Gamer Girl: u lost me
The 1 True Gamer Girl: imma accept that most of this is gunna be out of my expertise
The 1 True Gamer Girl: here for commentary only
President Wifey: They were romantic dates but we hadn’t really discussed our relationship status, she’s not my girlfriend.
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Buuuut you’d like her to be…?
President Wifey: Maybe? I don’t mean to kill the excitement here but there’s a lot between us that needs to be addressed before I would consider an official relationship to be a good idea. Beyond that I would like to see how whatever is between us settles when we are part of the same team. Additionally, this is going to be a stressful time for her anyway, enacting a change of heart against her own father is going to be hard no matter how distant they’ve become and I don’t want to give her anything more to worry about.
Miss Steal Yo Girl: I see where you’re coming from
Miss Steal Yo Girl: And I think you’re totally reasonable to pump the brakes for a bit while stuff settles BUT
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Just make sure you don’t stack the deck against yourself ok?? Sometimes when you like someone you can get so caught up in making the start of your relationship perfect that you never actually y’know start it
Miss Steal Yo Girl: And don’t worry about the team too much!! We’ve got your back no matter what and if you’re happy we will be too!
The 1 True Gamer Girl: yea and haru seems super cool too
The 1 True Gamer Girl: i mean now that we’re past the whole beauty thief thing
The 1 True Gamer Girl: (and we will be giving her a cooler codename if she joins btw)
The 1 True Gamer Girl: if u guys hook up we’ll cheer u on and if u dont then we still get a sick new teammate win win
President Wifey: Thank you. Truthfully, prior to meeting you all, I was always terrified of this kind of thing. If someone like Haru had flirted with me a year ago I probably would’ve run in the other direction but that didn’t even cross my mind this time because I knew that the team would have my back no matter what, it means more than I can put into words to be quite honest.
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Awh Makoto!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Same goes for you!! I never would’ve been able to confess to Shiho without you guys backing me up!
The 1 True Gamer Girl: for what its worth u guys have been super cool bout me not wanting any of that romance shit
The 1 True Gamer Girl: dont know which one of u scruffed sojiro and got him to stop joking bout me getting married someday but i owe u my life
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Oh that was Ryuji actually! We didn’t know that you hadn’t told Sojiro about you being aro yet so he went a little hard on him, but Sojiro took it super well! You know he’d love you no matter what Futaba <3
President Wifey: Of course he would, you should perhaps consider talking to him about this Futaba. I know it can be daunting but I think he’d really like to understand more about you.
The 1 True Gamer Girl: yeah ik ik its not that i thought he wouldnt be cool about it its just awkward yknow
The 1 True Gamer Girl: feels like more of a big deal that way
Miss Steal Yo Girl: You two will figure it out, neither of you really likes those big emotional moments so you just need to find a way to talk that is more suited to you! And anyway Sojiro has totally gotten better at feeling his feelings since you left your room, he even hugs Akira now rather than treating him like some stray cat that’s just wandered in.
The 1 True Gamer Girl: hehehe dad and the 5’9 criminal he swore we weren’t keeping
President Wifey: Honestly, it’s Morgana that Sojiro dotes on the most…
The 1 True Gamer Girl: bruh dont even get me started between sojiro and akira mona can do no wrong
The 1 True Gamer Girl: sojiro even makes meals other than curry for him!! dont think kiras eaten anything but curry for months now
President Wifey: That’s…deeply concerning.
Miss Steal Yo Girl: Hope Akechi likes curry breath <3
The 1 True Gamer Girl: gross
President Wifey: Well, at least my romantic life isn’t the most dramatic in our team…
Haru Okumura [19/09/20XX]
14:17
Haru: You know if you can’t find any hot chocolate it’s really not the end of the world…
Akira: nope!!!! i’ve been craving it ever since you mentioned it and i know sojiro must have a stash around here somewhere, he’s not as sour as he wants people to think
Haru: And you’re sure Sakura-san is ok with me staying in your room overnight like this??
Akira: trust me he’d actually strangle me if i’d sent you out by yourself last night stressed and upset like that
Akira: he’s got a stone face but he’s a big softy
Akira: i know for a fact he has photos of me, futaba and mona in his wallet
Haru: Why on earth were you going through his wallet…?
Akira: i wanted to sneak a picture of me in ofc but he beat me to it
Haru: That’s
Haru: Really sweet
Akira: shit sorry
Akira: i know stuff with your dad is tough atm
Haru: Not at all!! It really is sweet to hear about your relationship with Sakura-san, I guess it just reminds me of my father a little bit. He was always more stoic but I always just knew he loved me under that but now…
Akira: haru…
Haru: I searched through so much of that wretched palace with Mona-chan trying to find the treasure and I just wasn’t there. Every irritating colleague or underperforming employee or fellow CEO he’s ever met was rattling around in there somewhere and I just wasn’t.
Haru: And I know this is stupid, he’s hurt so many people it shouldn’t even matter but it's just
Haru: I’m just
Haru: I’m nothing to him
Haru: and knowing that is so much worse than I thought it would be
Haru: I can’t wait for this change of heart so I can have the old him back…
14:29
Haru: Akira-chan?
Akira: y’know when i was a kid i think tv and crappy films made me think that all parents loved their kids, like it was natural. they either loved their kids or they really really didn’t and they were locking them in the basement and feeding them bread crusts and those were the two options.
Akira: so i just always kinda assumed my parents loved me cus they weren’t hurting me in ways i could recognise?? we never spoke about stuff, they never told me i needed to learn to make food they just stopped cooking for me, if i did something they didn’t like they’d just take one of my toys out of my room while i was at school, my mom literally threw out the stuff in my closet once because she ‘needed the space’ so for a hot minute i had my school uniform and one pair of jeans and that was it
Akira: but for some reason, i really still thought they loved me
Akira: i just thought that was what love was
Akira: and then i got arrested and the fuckers didn’t even tell me where i was going they just put me on a train in a uniform for some school that sure as fuck wasn’t in inaba and off i went
Akira: and look just
Akira: maybe your dad’s change of heart will fix everything and he’ll love you like you deserve but don’t mistake tolerance for love ok??
Akira: i really think if i hadn’t gotten arrested i’d have spent years more in inaba holding my breath and thinking that love was someone letting you live under their roof even if they clearly hated you for every inch of space you took up and i just don’t want that for you haru
Haru: Akira-chan, I’m really sorry…
Akira: nawh its really ok!! and i’m sorry for dumping on you like that i know we’ve only just met haha
Haru: Not at all!! I think it perhaps needed to be said.
Haru: I want to believe my father loves me, I think he certainly loved me when I was a little girl at least, I remember some warmth there.
Haru: But a part of me knows that perhaps I am merely running away from the fact that this is who he has been for some time but I just
Haru: He sold me Akira
Haru: He sold me to that horrible man who looks at me like
Haru: like
Haru: He looks at me and it makes me wish I could just vanish.
Haru: Maybe it’s foolish but I have to believe there’s something more to it, that my father loves me and his palace is encouraging his distortion, because otherwise I have to accept that he would’ve always made that choice and I don’t think I’m ready to think about that yet.
Akira: fuck i’m really sorry haru
Haru: Me too, Akira-chan.
Akira: for the record, i’ll totally go to jail just to kick your fiance's teeth in
Haru: You will not!! If anyone gets to kick his teeth in it's me :)
Akira: you’ll fit in great here
Haru: <3
Akira: <3
Haru: Soooooo, did you find hot chocolate in the end?? :)
Akira: dunno, came down with purpose, trauma dumped, cried, gave up
Haru: Well I haven’t left this bed yet so you’ve made more progress than me today!
Akira: ha i’ll start my search again! sorry about my crappy bed btw, it’s probably a bit of a downgrade for you huh?
Haru: Well, I’m not sure milk crates will become my go-to bed frame but the company was delightful <3
Haru: And thank you again for lending me your clothes!
Akira: no big!! i will need a pic of us in matching pjs before you’re allowed to leave though
Haru: Cute!! Perhaps we could find mona-chan a matching set sometime too…
Akira: now you’re speaking my language
Akira: aha!!!!! jackpot!!!!
*Akira sent an image*
Haru: Woohoo!!! ❤（っ＾▿＾）
Akira: hot choccy m’lady??
Haru: It would be my honour ❤(ˆ‿ˆԅ)
Haru: Although there’s something I would very much like to do afterward!
Akira: ??
Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves [19/09/20XX]
17:01
*Joker added Haru Okumura to Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves*
Haru: Wow when you said the name was on the nose you really weren’t kidding! ٩(˘◡˘)۶
Joker: i’m fucked if the police get hold of my phone anyway, might as well commit
Oracle: commit crimes
Oracle: sooooo im assuming this meanssss
Haru: Yes, if you would all have me, I would like nothing more than to officially join your team!
Panther: Ahhh, welcome!!!
Skull: hey man!!!
Fox: Greetings!
Queen: We’d be delighted to have you.
Joker: crap we should probably do a proper run through of code names and who’s who
Haru: Don’t worry, I’m sure I can figure it out somehow…
Oracle: yea it isnt exactly subtle lets be real
Oracle: buuuuttt speaking of code names
*Oracle changed Haru Okumura’s name to Beauty Thief*
Oracle: welcome!!
Skull: dude are we rlly gonna have to call her that…
Beauty Thief: No you most certainly are not, Ryuji!
*Beauty Thief changed their name to Noir*
Oracle: oh thank fuck thats much better
Panther: ‘Black’ in French???
Noir: The colour of my mask!（っ＾▿＾）
Fox: Ah.
Joker: haha yeah about that, there’s probably some context we should catch you up on
Makoto Niijima → Haru Okumura [19/09/20XX]
19:46
Makoto: So, welcome to the team!
Haru: Thank you!!!
Haru: You’re sure this is ok for you?? The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable!
Makoto: No! This is good!
Haru: Good!
Makoto: Yes!
19:58
Makoto: Ugh, I’m sorry this is awkward…
Haru: Maybe a little…
Haru: I definitely wouldn’t have chosen to spend the night at Akira’s before spending it at yours…
Makoto: Right and with everything going on with the palace and your father, perhaps we should put this on the back burner for a little bit?
Haru: This??
Makoto: Us, the whole dating business. Perhaps learning to be teammates and friends first is the best move?
Haru: I suppose so…
Haru: But we’re still ok, right???
Makoto: Of course!
Haru: And once we’re finished with my father’s palace?? Could we come back to this conversation?
Makoto: Would you want to?
Haru: After weeks of running around with you while you’re wearing your thief suit?? Yes, I think I’ll want to come back to this talk
Makoto: Right, yes, well, I think we could do that!
Haru: Great!! I can’t wait to get to know you better Mako-chan! It’s clear that your team really admires you!
Makoto: They’re all very taken with you already too!
Haru: Well I have to be on my best behaviour, I have a pretty girl to impress after all! (✿◠‿◠)
Yuuki Mishima [20/09/20XX]
13:26
Yuuki: So i went to go and interview that woman you told me about for the documentary
Akira: holy shit you actually interviewed takemi???
Yuuki: You told me to!?!?
Akira: yea but i thought you’d take one look at her and run away man!! i see takemi like 3 times a week and i’m still sort of scared of her
Yuuki: There was nobody in the clinic when i went in!! I couldn’t just turn around and leave, that would be so rude!!
Akira: wowwww gutsy mish mish!!!
Akira: so how’d it go?? can’t be much worse than your talk with ohya right??
Yuuki: Well she was definitely less um forward than miss ohya
Akira: ohya is a lot but she means well, promise, she just wants to see what makes you tick
Akira: takemi is a wild card though, sometimes she swings by leblanc to make sure i’m eating my 5 a day and sometimes she straight up tests drugs on me
Yuuki: She what!?!
Akira: yeah its super annoying like yes takemi i will eat a carrot
Yuuki: Not that bit!!
Akira: i keep telling you my life is rich and varied man
Yuuki: Ugh, well i’m not sure i can use anything she told me. I couldn’t tell when she was joking and at one point she just pretended she didn’t know you…
Akira: maybe she doesn’t
Yuuki: We’d been talking about you for 20 minutes!
Akira: i have a very generic vibe
Yuuki: Kurusu-kun, do you even want me to be doing this…?
Yuuki: Every time i bring up the documentary you get all weird about it and everyone you’ve sent me to speak to is difficult and won’t actually talk much about you
Akira: look man you’re clearly super passionate about this but maybe just think a bit about why you’re doing it?? every time i ask you go on about the fame and girls or whatever and if those are your actual reasons then that’s cool but it just doesn’t seem like the mishima i first started hanging out with
Yuuki: I don’t know what to do with that.
Akira: just think it over and the next time we chat tell me why you really, actually want to do this and i’ll help however i can, promise
Yuuki: Sure, I’ll think it over…
Tae Takemi [20/09/20XX]
14:48
Tae: This isn’t a home for stray teenagers, guinea pig.
Akira: sorry takemi!! totally forgot i sent him your way
Tae: He part of your little group too?
Akira: nawh he’s one of my other friends, he’s a good guy he’s just been through a lot in the last year, think he’s trying to brute force his way into becoming someone totally different just to escape it
Tae: Hm, well he’s at least got better manners than you.
Tae: This still isn’t a home for stray pups but I suppose the extra foot traffic may make the clinic more seem approachable if any of you ever need a place to be for a little bit.
Akira: thanks takemi, i’ll pass it on to mishima
Tae: Whatever, kid. Come by for an extra trial session next week and we’ll call it even.
Akira: deal!
Crime Squad [20/09/20XX]
21:01
Proud Himbo: ok so like the sayori is beautiful
Human Disaster: …
Inari: .
Human Disaster: dude
Human Disaster: my guy
Human Disaster: you better not be about to say anything bad about the sayori
Human Disaster: i will never serve you coffee again man
Feral Child: i will straight up go feral u won’t even see me coming scrub
Human Disaster: no but he will smell you
Human Disaster: side note: please shower futaba
Human Disaster: sojiro’s genuinely going to come into your room with a hose
Feral Child: hisssssss
Proud Himbo: look im just sayin
Certified Girlboss: Wait, Futaba, that smell in Leblanc the other day was you?!
Human Disaster: if it didn’t smell delicious then probably yeah
Certified Girlboss: Futaba! That smell was so atrocious I assumed some food had been missed in the cleaning routine and was molding somewhere!
Human Disaster: hey i clean that floor religiously at 3am while mona fights the mop
Certified Girlboss: It was one of the worst things I have ever smelled!
Feral Child: i am only mildly stinky
M’Lady: Scientifically, the worst smell in the world is thioacetone! It is reported in many cases to smell even worse than decomposing human flesh! 😮
Feral Child: im zesty
Feral Child: w8 wtf
Femme Fatality: How would they even measure something like that???
M’Lady: Well, it must be a highly subjective study! We can’t entirely accurately record or experience the senses of another after all!
Human Disaster: futaba smells like poopy chemical
Feral Child: akira smells like a simp
Human Disaster: c’mon man i worked way harder to weave mine into the conversation and yours still cut deeper
M’Lady: Akira smells like coffee! (And dust from the attic…but only a smidge!)
Feral Child: haru ur new but eventually youll learn its ok to bully akira
Feral Child: its what we do here
M’Lady: But I like Akira!
Human Disaster: haru is the new navigator
Feral Child: fuck u im telling sojiro u have ur bf around after lights out!
Femme Fatality: W
Certified Girlboss: What?
Human Disaster: WE JUST TALK
Proud Himbo: brooooooooo
Femme Fatality: H
Femme Fatality: A
Femme Fatality: T
Human Disaster: WE DONT ALWAYS GET TIME TO FINISH OUR CHESS MATCHES SO WE JUST FINISH THEM AT NIGHT SOMETIMES
M’Lady: So that’s what the kids are calling it these days (✿◠‿◠)
Human Disaster: HARU
Feral Child: w h e e z i n g
Femme Fatality: Haru if I weren’t already in love with Shiho I would be crushing on you so hard
M’Lady: That’s ok Ann-chan! I already have some chess matches to finish with Makoto anyway! <3
Feral Child: my soul has left my body
Human Disaster: screaming, crying, throwing up
Proud Himbo: dude i just came on here to bully yusuke what is happening
Certified Girlboss: <3
Femme Fatality: Awhhh!!!
Human Disaster: i will never emotionally recover from this
Inari: Everyone.
Inari: This is very amusing, as always.
Human Disaster: ouch
Inari: But perhaps we should let Ryuji finish his initial point.
Feral Child: hahaha ryuji’s in danger
Proud Himbo: im not gunna say anythin bad about it man!!!
Proud Himbo: just dont it kind of change the way ya look at it knowing that its yusuke??
Proud Himbo: like not just a cute baby but cute baby yusuke
Certified Girlboss: I don’t really see how that makes much of a difference…?
Feral Child: nah i kinda see what he means tbh
Human Disaster: i like it, makes me super happy whenever yusuke comes in and sits opposite it
Femme Fatality: You can tell Yusuke’s mother really, really loved him whenever you look at it!! <3
Proud Himbo: yea thats pretty much what im gettin at!! like i dunno makes me feel all weird like just seeing her looking at little yusuke and then looking at our yusuke yknow
Feral Child: i think she’d be happy
Feral Child: my mom looks at me just like that in all the pictures sojiro showed me before, can’t believe i just couldn’t see that for so long…
Feral Child: its just intense looking at that kind of love ig
Inari: For years I had no clue what the Sayori was gazing at in that piece. If I am honest it still feels surreal that it was me…
Certified Girlboss: You’re entirely worthy of that kind of gaze, Yusuke.
Human Disaster: i know your mom would be super proud to see the person you are now
Human Disaster: you know you totally have your mom’s cheekbones, i think that’s why it always makes me so happy to see you next to the sayori
Femme Fatality: Oh, he totally does!!
Proud Himbo: oh thats totally it for real!!! thats what im getting at!! u 2 totally look super similar but u dont look that much like the actual baby to me ig…
Certified Girlboss: The baby is drawn with an almost angelic glow, I suppose that is the vision of a mother.
Feral Child: actual yusuke baby was ugly irl
Certified Girlboss: Futaba!
Feral Child: what!? all babies are ugly!! we all know it!!
Human Disaster: someone’s projecting
Feral Child: sojiro is just a bad photographer
Inari: All of you…
Inari: Thank you.
Inari: I can’t quite articulate all that it means but
Human Disaster: its ok man, we get it <3
Femme Fatality: <3
Certified Girlboss: <3
Proud Himbo: <3
Feral Child: ugh
Feral Child: <3
Inari: <3
Haru Okumura [20/09/20XX]
23:09
Akira: you doing ok??
Akira: went a bit quiet at the end there
Akira: you know you’re more than welcome in the sappy love fest moments too right??
Haru: Yes, I’m sorry.
Haru: I suppose I was just reflecting.
Haru: I’m not sure my dad ever looked at me in the way that you all describe.
Haru: Sorry, that’s too much!!
Akira: hey wow no you’ve slept in my bed, you took away that spider that set up camp over my desk, you told me i should not be using hand sanitizer to wash my face
Haru: Still bizarre that I was the first to do that!
Akira: yeah please don’t tell akechi i’ll never live it down
Haru: The detective?
Akira: o shit there’s still a lot to catch you up on huh
Akira: but no that’s not the point!! what i was gonna say is me too
Haru: ?
Akira: i know for a fact neither of my parents have ever looked at me like how sayori looked at yusuke or wakaba at futaba
Haru: Oh…
Akira: but yknow what??? fuck em, i’ll find someone who looks at me like that someday by myself
Akira: maybe your dad did and maybe he didnt but i sure as fuck know that i probably looked at you like a damsel in a period piece when you trapped mr leggy in that glass
Haru: Mr. Leggy has a nice new home over in the laundromat now! Spiders are incredibly intelligent so I’m glad your stalemate could be resolved peacefully!
Haru: And thank you, Akira. I probably also looked at you with more than a little bit of adoration when you first served me your delicious coffee!
Akira: ha! see?? maybe my parents were too up their own asses to see whatever sayori saw in yusuke but i know you guys see it everyday (even when you all drive me crazy)
Haru: Right! And do tell Mona-chan I think he’s perhaps the most worthy companion I have ever met!
Akira: He says thank you and he’s doing that blushing thing where his fur gets all poofy
Haru: <3
Akira: <3
Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves [21/09/20XX]
15:47
Skull: taba if u dont stop gloatin im breaking into ur damn spaceship!!!
Oracle: finally a tech palace!!!! don’t ruin this for me stupid skull
Queen: This is technically your first actual palace…
Oracle: and it still took too long!!!! do you even know how cool some of this shit is???
Noir: Ahem.
Oracle: i mean its bad obvs but you’ve got to hand it to corrupt mega-corporations they know how to make a shit load of robots
Oracle: theres just so much to look at here!!!
Panther: Perhaps you could just keep looking at their stats?? You totally didn’t tell me that last one had ice on hand, I’m freezing now and Carmen won’t even speak to me!
Joker: Oracle, head in the game.
Oracle: right shit sorry sorry
Fox: I have been keeping some illustrations of commonly occurring enemies, those may have to suffice. I assure you they are meticulously detailed.
Oracle: really??? sick inari thank you!!!!
Oracle: big group up ahead guys! no elemental weaknesses tho, might need to send in joker
Noir: Are they weak to an axe in the face?
Oracle: most things are!
Noir: Joker, requesting first-line positioning?
Joker: Granted. Switch with Panther, I’ll be counting on you Noir.
Noir: (ง'-'︠)ง
Crime Squad [21/09/20XX]
17:32
Certified Girlboss: Great work today everyone!
Proud Himbo: hell yeah!!!!
Femme Fatality: Totally!
M’Lady: It was so fun working with you all! Johanna is simply amazing, Mako-chan! When you steered up that ramp to fly in from above and help Skull? Incredible!
Certified Girlboss: That’s nothing compared to you hefting that axe around! I doubt I’d even be able to lift it and you can twirl it around like it’s nothing!
M’Lady: Heehee well I am getting pretty toned from gardening! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥
Human Disaster: is now a good time to mention that when i first met haru she had my entire body weight in mulch thrown over her shoulder
Certified Girlboss: Perhaps I should pick up gardening as a hobby then!
M’Lady: It would be delightful to grow something with you Makoto! But you really don’t seem to need it to improve your metaverse performance - I saw you throw some mean-looking punches!!
Certified Girlboss: Well I’ll teach you how to throw a punch if you’ll teach me some of that impressive footwork!
I don’t want to hurt Queen’s feelings but I AM LOSING MY SHIT [21/09/20XX]
17:38
Ryuji: soooo we all seeing this??
Ann: Ahhh!!! They’re so cute!!!! <3 <3
Futaba: yall are sick nasty with all this sugary shit in the main chat lately
Akira: true love is real and life is good actually
Futaba: ok we doing this ig
Futaba: what we betting ppl :3
Ryuji: money or other shit???
Futaba: other shit
Futaba: dont think inari can afford another money bet
Akira: i’m the only one that can so i’m the only one that actually pays up, this is a losing system for me
Futaba: dont hate the player hate the game
Akira: i can hate more than one thing
Ann: Ooo, how about winner gets shotgun in the monabus for the next 5 mementos trips!
Ryuji: 5!?!?!?!?!
Yusuke: Are you not confident in your wagering abilities, Ryuji?
Ryuji: 5 is so many mannnn
Futaba: back of the bus for u ryuji
Akira: it can be cosy in the back!!
Ann: Really? So you want to sit squished in with two sweaty entirely leather-clad teenagers?
Ryuji: it gets rough back there man
Ryuji: still recovering from futabas palace
Yusuke: The sand.
Akira: the sand o.o
Ann: The sand…
Ryuji: im still finding that sand man
Futaba: whoops?
Yusuke: Do not be ashamed Futaba, you are well worth the months of sand removal.
Ann: Yep! It was probably exfoliating or something
Ryuji: oh fuck yeah ok anns exfloi thingies are wayyyy worse than any of the shit in ur palace futaba
Ann: Don’t be bitter Ryuji, your pores have never looked better!
Ryuji: yea cus u scrubbed off about 8 layers of skin!!!!
Yusuke: His face did strikingly resemble the hue of Uxorious and Wigbert…
Ann: You’re all so dramatic!!
Futaba: demon scrub demon
Ann: Futaba you’d been sleeping on unchanged pillowcases for months, it was non-negotiable
Futaba: my face looked like my hair
Yusuke: Hm, I find myself intrigued. Perhaps I could sit for an exfoliating treatment Ann, it would make a fine change!
Ann: I’d love to Yusuke!! But honestly, I’m not even sure you have any pores
Ryuji: srsly man its like ur airbrushed
Ann: With your diet, your skin should not look like it does
Futaba: can science explain??? local starving artist smooth in more ways than one???
Ryuji: yusuke?????? smooth?????
Ann: He is dating Hifumi-san! Who also, for the record, is inhumanely flawless???
Yusuke: Comparing my own beauty to hers is an insult, she far exceeds me. I am truly blessed by her presence in my life.
Akira: i’m so glad you two found eachother <3 <3
Yusuke: Indeed!
Ann: She’s totally gorgeous Yusuke, and super nice too!!!
Akira: you should see her when she’s playing shogi!
Yusuke: Ah yes, the beauty of a rose is only enhanced by the prick of it’s thorns
Akira: she has nearly gotten us kicked out of church many times
Futaba: git good scrub
Akira: damn taba acting out cus i totally kicked ur ass in smash yesterday? it’s ok to lose <3
Futaba: u fuck
Ann: Wowwww losing to Akira??? That’s pretty low Oracle~
Ryuji: dude losing to kira???? i thought you were a gamer futaba
Yusuke: It appears you lack the authority to make demands of the skills of others
Futaba: oh oh u nerds wanna play this game????
Futaba: yusuke threw out those dresses u got for uxy and wiggy ann
Ann: WHAT!?
Yusuke: They were aesthetically abhorrent! I am deeply sorry Ann but you simply do not have an artistic eye for these matters!
Ann: I am literally a fashion model!?!?!?!
Futaba: ann doesn’t actually like blue mountain bean coffee
Akira: but i make it for you all the time!!!! you said you loved it!?
Ann: I’m sorry I’ve been dumping it in your houseplant when you weren’t looking, I love you!!! I didn’t want to crush your dreams!!!
Akira: YOU DUMPED IT IN ZEUS!?!?!
Ann: At least I haven’t been pretending to remember my bro handshake with Ryuji even though I forgot it months ago!!
Ryuji: …bro?
Akira: bro i’m sorry bro it was so long
Futaba: mwehehehe and i didn’t even have to do any snooping to find out this stuff
Futaba: tremble before the great and powerful Alibaba!!
Akira: …
Akira: futaba’s the one that ate the last energy bar in our mementos stash
Ryuji: futaba said all art was stupid and pretentious once
Yusuke: Futaba has commissioned fanart for several Red/Grey fanficitions.
Ann: Futaba can totally fit more than just herself into her spaceship she just doesn’t want any of you up there!
Futaba: oh come on!!!!!
Crime Squad [21/09/20XX]
18:47
M’Lady: My goodness, they’ve all been gone for quite some time.
Certified Girlboss: Yes, I very much suspect they have another group chat that I am simply not privy to.
M’Lady: Hm, perhaps it is not my place to say since I have not been here that long, but that chat seems as if it would be rather chaotic!
Certified Girlboss: Oh I give them no more than 10 more minutes before they’re at the point of all-out warfare.
M’Lady: So I have 10 more minutes of having you all to myself? (✿◠‿◠)
Certified Girlboss: Ah! Well yes I suppose so, that’s accurate yes
M’Lady: Great! Because I haven’t even started on how amazing your healing skills are Mako-chan!! You saved us in there so many times, it was very admirable!
Certified Girlboss: Oh! Well, I mean, that’s nothing compared to your gunwork um, Haru-chan???
M’Lady: (✿◠‿◠)
Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves [22/09/20XX]
16:08
Queen: Guys, Joker is stuck in the vent.
Fox: Ah, that does explain why the rest of you haven’t followed us through yet.
Oracle: a g a i n????
Joker: look guys i can explain
Oracle: oh but he can still reach his phone obvs
Joker: its not my fault i’m blessed with such glorious thiccness
Skull: man u gotta stop blamin everythin on how thic u r
Joker: dummy thicc
Panther: I could throw some relax gel in there! Make him slippery!
Oracle: i am not taking orders for the rest of this palace from a man covered in lube
Joker: not lube ~relax gel~ god have some professionalism oracle
Fox: I wonder if when our admirers imagine our expeditions they picture scenarios such as this…
Noir: Perhaps we could push him out with something??
Noir: I could rip an arm off of one of these robots and use that! ｡◕‿◕｡
Oracle: hell yeah!
Skull: hell yeah!!
Skull: but wouldnt it be easier to just kick him out???
Joker: skull!?! :O
Queen: I suppose so - if someone on the other side could kick his rear end with enough force, that could dislodge him.
Panther: Shouldn’t be hard since it's such a ‘thicc’ target!
Joker: oh ha ha
Oracle: i could kick u from this end if u prefer???
Queen: Please don’t kick our leader in the face.
Oracle: new phantom thief slogan right there
Noir: Mona-chan is going in!
Fox: We wish him all the best on his daring retrieval mission!
16:30
Queen: Ok! He’s free everyone!
Skull: for real man…that was pretty dumb
Noir: Yay! Welcome back Akira-chan! ^.^
Panther: Dumbass <3
Oracle: i want that twink obliterated
Joker: wow good to know noir is the only one here who loves me - ryuji is dead to me, haru is my wife now
Skull: wut no bro!!!!
Skull: wait why am i arguin to be ur wife
Fox: According to Morgana the incident occurred because of the sheer amount of stolen loot Akira had concealed in his clothes, he was attempting to crawl through the vent with several spare items of clothing and seven gold bars.
Noir: Hm, I think I will have to be the brains in our marriage Akira-chan!
Sadayo Kawakami [23/09/20XX]
7:00
Sadayo: Good morning, Kurusu. I’m holding a study/ revision session this evening in my classroom. I’ll cover the first-term materials and take questions ahead of your next exam period. I’d like to make these sessions a weekly thing but I’ll need stellar attendance to convince the school of their value so if you could attend I’d appreciate it! Even if your grades don’t seem to need it somehow…
Akira: somehow???? its all hard work and study ma’am
Sadayo: You know I see it when you pass notes to Takamaki right?
Akira: hahahahaha yeah tonight sounds great
Akira: hey if its numbers you want i could probably bring a bunch of people they probably won’t all be shujin students though, that ok??
Sadayo: Hm, that might be even better…students from other schools traveling just to seek out my incredible tutelage.
Akira: riiiighhhhttt
Sadayo: Shut up kid, I need this.
Akira: okok well i can probably bring like 23 people
Akira: that enough???
Sadayo: You’re joking.
Akira: wha?? i’d try and bring more but i’m not going to be able to convince akechi let’s be real
Sadayo: Akechi as in that famous kid?!
Akira: yea but there’s no way he’ll come sorry
Akira: would you count my cat as an attendant??
Sadayo: Putting your apparently famous friends aside, how the hell are you going to bring 23 people?
Akira: i mean i’ll invite all of my friends obviously, one of the guys i know has a kid about our age, i asked my friends if they wanted to invite people and they’ve all got people that wanna come hang out with them
Akira: gonna be kind of a mixed age group if that’s ok
Sadayo: I suppose that’s fine? How mixed are we talking here??
Sadayo: Seriously? 23?
Futaba Sakura → Makoto Niijima [24/09/20XX]
13:34
Futaba: sooooooo
Futaba: ive been thinking and we should probably talk huh?
Makoto: I’ve been thinking the same…
Makoto: About my sister, correct?
Futaba: yea
Futaba: sorry i put it off so long
Makoto: You're not the only one guilty of that.
Futaba: look
Futaba: look
Futaba: im sorry about all that stuff i said about her on the gc the other day
Futaba: didnt mean to be a dick
Makoto: No, that’s okay. I think we all said some things we’re not particularly proud of and besides that, I think you may have had a point…
Makoto: I love my sister and it’s in my nature to defend her but I am sorry for how she’s treated Sojiro. She’s become far more ruthless recently, I know that, and I shouldn’t have lashed out at you.
Futaba: yea well i shouldnt have said ur sister was just like all the other adults
Futaba: i dont know her
Futaba: that was shitty of me
Futaba: but look i just
Futaba: and remember im not trying to be a dick here
Futaba: i just think u should maybe be careful?? akira told me about all ur police plans n stuff and just
Futaba: u said ur sister started off all determined and with all the same goals and now shes all wrapped up in all this stuff and look if anyones gonna flip the whole of the police on its head then its u but just with everything that happened with akira and sojiro and my mom…
Futaba: i just dont want u to get all wrapped up in something that’s gonna change u, especially if its gonna mean u being on the opposite side to me or akira some day
Futaba: i dunno
Makoto: That’s…definitely a lot to consider.
Makoto: Akira raised these issues too?
Futaba: yea
Futaba: i mean hes super proud of u and thinks ur amazing too but yeah
Futaba: but u know hed rather throw himself into the sun than start a fight over it
Makoto: Thank you for your honesty Futaba. I’m happy you told me how you felt. My dream of climbing the ranks within the police is very personal to me, I want to carry on the work my father started but…you’ve definitely given me a lot to think about. I won’t take it lightly, I promise.
Futaba: i know thanks
Futaba: but y’know ur still in highschool too so i mean dont explode stressing about it or something
Makoto: I’ll try my best :)
Futaba: cool
Futaba: yeah i totally dont know how to break the serious tension now
Futaba: if it was akira id just make fun of him but that doesnt really feel right w u
Makoto: Hm. Perhaps we could meet up and chat in person? Not necessarily about anything quite so heavy, but I’d be fascinated to hear more about what you’ve uncovered from your mother’s research!
Futaba: sure! come to leblanc and hang out
Futaba: sojiro loves it when ur here, thinks u make us more classy
Makoto: Ok! See you soon! :)
Futaba: 👍
Goro Akechi [24/09/20XX]
17:48
Akira: ok so hypothetically
Goro: Oh no.
Akira: h y p o t h e t i c a l l y
Akira: how bad would it be for my parole if i was caught hanging out with an ex yazukza??
Goro: …
Goro: You’re joking, right?
Akira: no i’m hypothesising
Akira: which means this is all purely hypothetical and therefore non-substantial in a court of law
Goro: Because you have such a good track record with fairness in the criminal justice system.
Akira: true
Goro: This hardly needs to be said but it would be extremely bad for you to be caught spending time with any questionable individuals. Honestly, even Sakamoto is probably pushing it a bit.
Akira: wow that’s your biking buddy you’re dissing there
Goro: Do you all just actually live inside one another’s pockets?
Akira: nah we just have 28 different group chats covering every facet of our lives
Akira: and that’s only counting the ones that i’m on i’m sure they have a bunch w/o me too
Goro: Well, that sounds exhausting.
Akira: its fun!!!! i mean i’m sure your phone must be blowing up all the time with all of your fancy celebrity friends and contacts
Goro: You’re well aware that those I meet in a professional capacity are largely far older than I am, and outside of that I simply do not have time for such frivolities.
Akira: huh i didn’t know that actually??? that sounds like it sucks
Goro: It’s business. My professional life must take precedence at this stage of my career.
Akira: the stage where you’re 18???
Goro: You are hardly the shining example of ‘taking it easy’, Kurusu. I am well aware of your many jobs.
Akira: hahahaha not all of them i hope
Goro: Well, I am aware of you working at the flower shop, the beef bowl place on central street, and the convenience store.
Akira: heheheh then i still have some secrets :3
Goro: How can you possibly have any more jobs than that?
Akira: well my two other jobs are nighttime gigs only and i don’t think either of them are at places you’re likely to go
Goro: Concerning.
Akira: nothing shady i promise mr detective! ok well nothing shady on a surface level
Goro: I wish you would stop telling me these things.
Akira: well i could get back to only telling you incriminating things off the record if you’d start inviting me out again
Goro: Ah, you’ve noticed that then. Unfortunately, I simply have very little availability at the moment.
Akira: yeah i guessed as much, i do miss you though
Goro: Right yes, well it can’t be helped.
Akira: : (
18:10
Goro: Do you really actually miss me?
Akira: ofc!
Goro: You’re hardly short of company. Your gang seems to only grow larger by the day.
Akira: sure and i love them all but they’re not you! only my rival can keep me so on my toes!
Goro: Hm.
Akira: should i be alarmed that you’re monitoring the size of my ‘gang’?
Goro: Alarmed, perhaps, but you should hardly be surprised.
Akira: i suppose i’m not
Akira: that aside you know no matter the size of my gang there’s always room for one more right?
Goro: Clearly, Haru Okumura was a surprising addition I must say.
Akira: yeah and you know what would be a way less surprising addition?? someone that shops with ann, or bikes with ryuji or plays pool with me
Akira: i reckon someone like that would slot in fairly easily
Goro: Kurusu, just, don’t.
Akira: look i’m not saying you need to come and snuggle in to the pack pile ons
Goro: The what now?
Akira: but i’m sure a group chat or two wouldn’t kill you. might even be fun!
Goro: Kurusu…
Akira: just try?????? i know the others would love to have you too
Goro: Perhaps, but where would I even start with such a thing?
Akira: ok well that bit’s easy!
3 bros chilling in a hot tub [24/09/20XX]
18:37
Baby Boy, Baby: im not sending foot pics
The Lobster Father: Purely for reference!
*Kiss the Homies added Goro Akechi*
Baby Boy, Baby: dude ppl would pay good money for my feet
Baby Boy, Baby: no free pics
Goro: Well, this was a mistake.
Kiss the Homies: retrospectively, i realise i probably should’ve checked what was going on in here first
Baby Boy, Baby: dude wtf akechi!?!