Chapter Text
Kunikuzushi doesn’t sleep, but the rising sun rouses him from the stationary position he had assumed the night before, lost in thought. He turns back to Kazuha and begins their now-daily routine of gently unwinding the bandages covering the other’s torso. The puppet moves carefully but eventually the human’s eyes flutter open.
“Good morning.” Kazuha greets calmly. Kunikuzushi doesn’t reply, trying to focus on not disturbing his companion’s wound. Kazuha doesn’t comment on his lack of response, opting to simply observe his movements.
The last stretch of bandages are soaked in red, but it’s thankfully a smaller amount than it was previously. Under normal circumstances, Kunikuzushi might’ve felt flustered seeing Kazuha’s bare chest, but now his stomach just churns. The long, deep gash runs diagonally from the right side of his upper chest to just below the left side of his ribcage, barely exposing bone.
Fortunately, the cut didn’t hit any vital organs or break any bones. The only internal damage is likely several bruised ribs which should heal with rest. It’s been five days since the initial injury so the bleeding has significantly slowed but the area has yet to form a scab. Even though it’s healing well, just seeing how large the cut is is enough to make Kunikuzushi’s gut twist with immense guilt.
The puppet is quiet and quick to re-wrap the other’s chest. Kazuha winces slightly as he shifts and Kunikuzushi feels nauseous as his stomach knots itself. He can tell that his companion has been holding back his reactions; the other must be in immeasurable pain and yet he never says a word to indicate as much.
Once the new bandage is secure, Kunikuzushi moves on to unwrap and inspect Kazuha’s ankle. It’s as if a small weight were removed from the puppet when he sees that the swelling has finally gone down. Kazuha can’t test the function of his ankle just yet, considering that he cannot move his upper body, but Kunikuzushi feels the slightest bit relieved.
“The swelling’s gone now.” He relays to Kazuha, who likely can’t see his own ankle very well.
The human gives him a beautiful smile as he replies, “I trusted that it would with you taking care of me.” He lets out a somewhat pained chuckle at Kunikuzushi’s lack of a response. “By the way, did you ever claim the reward for that commission?”
“Idiot, that doesn’t matter.” The puppet says, though his voice shakes a little. It feels as if the guilt were consuming him alive and he can’t help but admit, “I can’t leave you right now.”
Kazuha doesn’t say anything, just reaching up one hand to gently wipe away a tear that Kunikuzushi didn’t realize he shed. After a moment, he gently says, “This wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you.” But the puppet shakes his head.
“I just can’t lose you too.” Kunikuzushi whispers, more to himself than to Kazuha. The other just intertwines their fingers, a silent reminder that he’s still alive and breathing.
But the puppet knows they can’t go on like this forever; they’re running out of bandages and Kazuha can’t live on scavenged fruits and vegetables alone. Soon he’ll have to leave the other, even if it feels painful to think about. Kunikuzushi sits there at Kazuha’s side for a short while before finally getting up.
It was impossible to not think of the worst while being idle, so the puppet busied himself with washing his companion’s bloodsoaked and dirt-covered clothes in the nearby pond.
By the time he returned, Kazuha was fast asleep and it almost felt automatic the way Kunikuzushi immediately checked his pulse. His heartbeat was fairly steady and the panic quickly left him as he settled by his companion’s side once more.
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“I need to leave and get more bandages.” Kunikuzushi finally spoke after he finished redressing Kazuha’s wound the next day. The roll he had been using was all but gone now and there was no longer any other option.
Kazuha seemed to understand the hidden weight behind his words and softly replied, “I’ll be okay.”
Kunikuzushi forced himself to his feet as every part of him screamed at him to stay. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise.”
Kazuha nodded with a small smile, “I know.” Those two words echoed in the puppet’s ears as he quickly set off.
This trust the other had in him was not something he had anticipated to gain, but he’d be damned if he messed everything up yet again. The thought of Kazuha trusting him to return—trusting him with his fragile human life—propelled him forward, drowning out the screams begging him to turn back.
Kunikuzushi decides to avoid the nearby fort, at least until he determines it’s his only option. Instead, he walks along the base of the small mountain until he comes across a small house. It looked to be fairly well-maintained and lived-in so the puppet knocked determinedly on the door.
An older woman answers just a few minutes later, “Why hello my dear. Would you care to come in?” Kunikuzushi nods, politely removing his hat before crossing the narrow threshold. The woman gestures to a table and the puppet takes a seat. “Can I get you some tea? Or something to eat, perhaps?”
Kunikuzushi doesn’t like beating around the bush, so he cuts to the chase. “My companion was injured in battle and I’m in need of bandages and food for him.”
The woman doesn’t object to his bluntness, instead kindly smiling at him. “Of course, let me see what I have.” She disappears into a room before returning with a few rolls of bandages which she sets on the table. “Unfortunately, this is all I can spare. I don’t have much in terms of food, but I can tell you where you might find some fish nearby.
“Whoever this companion of yours is must be very lucky to have you by his side.” She adds warmly.
“I’m lucky to have him.” Kunikuzushi murmurs to himself, to which the old woman gives him a knowing smile.
“Now, don’t keep him waiting dear.” She says before leading him back out the door. The puppet quickly heads straight back to the adventurer’s tent with bandages and a quickly sketched map in hand.
When Kunikuzushi approaches, Kazuha’s eyes snap open and it’s almost as if his face lights up upon seeing the puppet. Kunikuzushi sets down the bandages, explaining, “I met an old woman a short distance away who gave me these. She also showed me some places where I can fish, so I’m going to try catching some.”
Kazuha gives him a smile that Kunikuzushi could almost see as affectionate, if he were delusional enough in the current moment. “Thank you, Kunikuzushi.” If the smile didn’t already, then hearing his name fall from Kazuha’s lips definitely made the puppet’s face flush.
Kunikuzushi was almost glad for the distance as he approached the shoreline a few meters away from the tent. According to the small map he held, this was a decent fishing spot that was the closest to their makeshift camp. The puppet quickly removes his shoes and strips down to his bodysuit and shorts before wading into the water.
He copies the fishing method he had seen Kazuha use a few times before but spends an entire hour unable to catch anything. Upon seeing just how quickly the fish can swim, he’s amazed that the other was able to be fast enough to catch anything at all without his vision.
However, physicality was never Kunikuzushi’s strong suit, so he decided to grab his anemo vision from where it was attached to his discarded clothes. Summoning his catalyst, he effortlessly floated himself up to just above the water’s surface. After letting the fish settle for a moment, he began to mercilessly barrage the nimble creatures with blades of anemo.
The shallow water and vision-based speed boost makes his method surprisingly effective. It’s not long before he’s lowering himself back into the water which is now tinged slightly with fish blood. He doesn’t flinch away from the slightly gory sight, quickly gathering up his catch.
Kazuha’s still awake when he returns and he watches as Kunikuzushi restocks and reignites the campfire he had made almost a week prior. After travelling for so long together, he had started to pick up some of Kazuha’s survival skills, a fact which now proved very useful.
He stores away most of the fish he caught, leaving only a couple to be gutted and cooked. Perhaps he went a little overboard earlier with his indiscriminate fish slaughter. A small ember of pride smoldered in his chest as he prepared the food, its light causing his guilt to temporarily abate.
Kunikuzushi carefully tore off a piece of the soft flesh and placed it in Kazuha’s mouth. The puppet found himself holding an unnecessary breath before the other hummed with satisfaction. “It’s perfect, thank you.” Kazuha’s words filled Kunikuzushi’s body with warmth and his companion lightly chuckled when he ducked away from his gaze.
He hadn’t been all that active before in preparing meals for others, but the feeling he got from making Kazuha happy with his cooking was admittedly addicting. Then again, most of the foreign feelings that arise when he’s around the other are just as captivating if not more so.
The more that he thinks about it, maybe it wasn’t lust he’s been feeling after all. “Wanting to be close to another, to make the other happy, to perform romantic gestures, and for no one else to have the same closeness as you.”
…Maybe Kunikuzushi is actually in love.
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There was barely any blood on the bandages when Kunikuzushi unwrapped them a few days later. It was immediately clear why; the gash was completely covered in a dark, reddish-brown scab. It had been forming slowly over the past few days but the sight of it finally being fully formed floods Kunikuzushi with relief.
The voices in the back of his mind suddenly grow very quiet as he asks, “Should I still bandage it?”
Kazuha thinks for a moment before nodding. “It could crack, so we should keep it covered to be safe.” Kunikuzushi paused for a moment and couldn’t help but think of just how happy he is that Kazuha’s healing without any major issues.
For the longest time, the puppet was convinced that somehow he’d mess up and get the wound infected and, as a result, make Kazuha sick. And if that happened, he didn’t know what he’d do with himself. When he originally agreed to this trip, he expected to die—he wanted to. But now he couldn’t imagine leaving Kazuha.
He doesn’t at all deserve to but he selfishly wants to keep living.
When he looks back at Kazuha, the man has a dumb grin on his face. “What’re you smiling about?”
“I was just thinking about how lovely your smile is.” He says as if he were simply stating that the sky was blue. That’s when Kunikuzushi realizes that he had subconsciously started smiling a little himself. His face flushed at the compliment as he turned his head away.
“Shut up.” The puppet hesitates a little before adding, “We should try to get all that blood and dirt off of you now that you’ve healed more…” He had been thinking about it for a while now, that Kazuha must be uncomfortable considering the fact that only his chest had gotten any kind of cleaning.
Kazuha hums. “I don’t mind, but I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He says, considerate as always.
“It’s fine, I’m sure you’re not very comfortable yourself.” Kunikuzushi retorts, though his words have no bite anymore. He quickly grabs the pot and cloth he had been using previously, filling up the former by the pond. When he returns, Kazuha hands him a small bar of soap.
He lathers up the cloth and is hit with a smell that he has come to associate with his companion; floral but distinctly airy and light. He carefully and gently drags the cloth across the smooth expanse of Kazuha’s chest that is unharmed. His fingertips accidentally slide across the soft skin there and Kunikuzushi can feel his face flush as goosebumps are left in the wake of his touch.
He quickly moves on to Kazuha’s neck, shoulders and arms, trying desperately to keep his embarrassing feelings at bay. When he finally moves to the other’s abdomen, he’s extremely careful to not accidentally touch out of fear of bothering Kazuha. The legs are next and he’s careful to not let the cloth stray too far up his folded hakama.
Kazuha trusted him to do this and Kunikuzushi’s going to do his best not to make the other uncomfortable. Lastly is his hair; the puppet decides against trying to wash his back in order to avoid accidentally hurting him with the movement.
Kazuha’s hair is fairly gritty when he dips his head into the pot, but it quickly turns soft with the soapy water. The water is filthy by the time Kunikuzushi lifts his head back up, but his hair looks radiant.
“I’m going to dry you now, it’ll be a little cold.” The puppet warns, summoning his catalyst behind him.
Kazuha nods and closes his eyes as anemo blows over him. He shivers almost imperceptibly but his face remains perfectly calm, even as his skin becomes covered in goosebumps. Kunikuzushi focuses his energy on each area individually to help them dry faster, though he pauses a little at Kazuha’s right arm.
His hand is unwrapped and has been since they arrived, but the puppet never really paid much attention to it before. The light, almost translucent scarring winds a complex pattern over the skin, wrapping fully around his fingers and down to his mid-forearm. It seems as if it had pulsated outwards from his palm, where the scarring is the most concentrated.
Without thinking, Kunikuzushi stopped the anemo and brushed his fingers against the raised tissue. The world is still for a moment before he finally catches himself and, looking up, finds that Kazuha’s watching him.
Their eyes meet and Kazuha almost breathes out, “No one’s ever had such a calm reaction to seeing my scar before.” He’s blushing and the sight may very well be the most breathtaking thing Kunikuzushi has ever seen in his life. There’s a sudden shy look to Kazuha’s crimson eyes and the puppet comes to a realization.
Oh.
But Kunikuzushi quickly breaks the spell and turns back to the task at hand, finishing drying off Kazuha. Once the other is dry enough, he also wraps new bandages around his torso. However, Kazuha’s still shivering slightly once he’s done.
The day has started to grow cold and cloudy, so Kunikuzushi reaches over to the pile of clean clothes that had sat forgotten in one corner of the tent. He drapes Kazuha’s kimono and haori over him and in return gets a grateful smile.
As he starts making dinner, he replays the reaction Kazuha had earlier. Is it really possible he could feel the same way I do?
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About two weeks after Kazuha’s injury, Kunikuzushi finally suggests trying to walk. By now his scab hasn’t been cracking and seems to be fairly secure. And anyways, Kunikuzushi suspects that Kazuha’s body has begun to ache from a lack of movement. He never complains about it, but the puppet has spotted him rubbing his joints occasionally.
Kunikuzushi is extremely careful as he helps lift Kazuha to his feet. He stumbles a bit once he’s upright and the puppet immediately holds onto him for support. Kazuha grabs a hold of Kunikuzushi’s hand and leans on him as he tentatively takes a few steps. He doesn’t wince in pain which the puppet takes as a good sign.
After they walk about a meter, Kazuha speaks up, “It seems my ankle has healed just fine. My body does ache a little, but that’s just from me being so still. And the chest pain is manageable if I breathe shallowly.” He assesses and Kunikuzushi feels a previously unnoticed tension release from his shoulders.
“I’m glad.” The puppet says genuinely as they continue walking along the mountainside. They manage to walk a short distance, Kazuha taking in the sights while softly humming like usual. Kunikuzushi didn’t even know he had missed the other’s humming until he had gone so long without hearing it.
Eventually, they reach the house of the old woman Kunikuzushi had met over a week ago. When he looks over, he sees her sitting out on her porch with a book in hand. As he and Kazuha slowly pass by, she looks up and gives Kunikuzushi that same warm, knowing smile as she did before.
This time the puppet can feel his face flush lightly as he grips Kazuha’s hand a little tighter. The pair walk a few more paces before Kazuha stops. “I don’t think I can handle going much further.” Kunikuzushi nods and they turn back, retracing their steps until they’re back at the tent.
There’s some sweat glistening on Kazuha’s forehead from the effort and he heaves a sigh as Kunikuzushi helps him back down into a sitting position. “Thank you again. I’ll forever be appreciative of your help.”
“Don’t worry about it, just get some rest.” Kunikuzushi says dismissively even as he feels a warmth building from deep within him. Now that he considers it, his body has always felt quite cold to him, as if it were lacking something. For the longest time he believed he needed a heart in the form of a gnosis in order to complete him.
But now that he’s not alone anymore, he knows that’s really not what he’s needed. Part of him still tells him he sounds corny as fuck but he can’t help thinking that what he was chasing after was love after all, not power.
He wanted to be loved by his creator and thought the only way to be loved by her was to serve his original purpose. He wanted to be loved by the clan who took him in, but he couldn’t save them. He wanted to be loved by the orphan he met and thought that his naive wish would be enough to live with them forever.
When he was The Balladeer, he wanted to replace that love with godhood. If he was a god, then he would finally be loved by his followers. And yet those few short moments of divinity were cruel and painful.
But now he wants to be loved by Kazuha and he won’t let anything take that away from him. Even if Kazuha doesn’t love him in the same way, he won’t let anything bad happen to yet another person he loves.