Chapter Text
Jeongguk awoke surrounded in swarths of blankets and pillows. He was covered in a haze of drowsiness, he didn’t open his eyes. He was vaguely aware of the scent of pine, black pepper and rosemary. He shifted his head a bit only to realize that his nose was pushed against someone’s neck, that his arm was draped over someone’s waist. Yoongi. Jeongguk fully awoke, startling himself. He pulled himself away from Yoongi quickly. How did he even get there? He didn’t even remember falling asleep. The light coming in the window was soft and cool, which meant it was still rather early. Jeongguk looked at his phone, 6:38 am. He rubbed at his eyes, he should really leave. Jeongguk moved to the edge of the bed, moving the duvet off of himself. He sat up hunched. And then—
“Jeongguk?” Yoongi said, voice gravelly with sleep, he rolled towards Jeongguk. Jeongguk’s mind was hyper focused on how cute Yoongi looked, hair mussed, cheeks pink and puffy. “Are you leaving?”
“I—” Jeongguk paused. He didn’t want to go, but he was just cuddling with Yoongi who was unaware of it. He wasn’t sure that’s what Yoongi wanted. “I think I should go. I fell asleep here uninvited.”
“Yes. I don’t mind it. I’d like you to stay, if you wanted. We both don’t have much going on today and I meant to ask you if you wanted to hang out but then Joon-ah called.” Yoongi said, all in a rush. He was looking at Jeongguk, almost absently. “You can go if you want to.”
“I wanna stay, if you’d let me.” Jeongguk chewed on his inner lip. Yoongi only nods.
“What time is it?” Yoongi asks, raising his thumb to his mouth and biting his nails. Is he nervous?
“It’s almost seven.” Jeongguk said, still propped up at the edge of the bed.
“Hmm, well. I’m still tired, so I’m going to sleep more. You can sleep more too if you wanted.” Yoongi said, before turning back around and curling into himself, hands in between his knees. Jeongguk hummed, before getting up to shut the curtains, not wanting to wake up when it gets brighter. He slid back under the covers, lying on his back, before falling asleep once again.
When he woke up the second time, Yoongi was no longer next to him. He looked at the time, it was 11 am. Jeongguk could hear the crystal-clear notes of a piano drifting through the bedroom door. It was playing a tune Jeongguk hadn’t heard before. He stepped out of Yoongi’s bedroom, eyes resting on Yoongi sitting at the grand piano in the living room. Yoongi’s eyes were closed, hair dark against his skin, eyelashes fanned out against his under eyes. He looked so pretty, so so pretty. His eyes opened, and he pulled a pencil to write on the sheet music on the stand in front of him. Jeongguk should probably let Yoongi know he’s here, it seemed like a very private moment, but he’s entranced by the way his hands dance across the keys. Jeongguk was wrapped in a feeling of inadequacy, once again Yoongi was better than him. Not only that, Jeongguk was hit with the reality that someone as good as Yoongi wouldn’t want him. Jeongguk was getting frustrated with himself now, he didn’t even know if Yoongi was into guys. Jeongguk needed out of his own head. Instead of trying to sweetly interrupt Yoongi’s playing with sweet romantics, he decided to mischievous. It was just easier. He began to sneak up on Yoongi, slowly creeping up to him. And then—
“Jeongguk, are you trying to startle me?” Yoongi said, looking at him sideways, hands still dancing on across the keys.
“Well, I was trying to!”
“I’m very observant, Gguk.” Yoongi was writing more notes on the sheet music.
“Hyung, what did you want to do today? You said you wanted to hang out?” Jeongguk was still in his head, no matter how hard he tried to resurface. He thought about how he should leave, leave Yoongi alone.
“Well, you still have to do your laundry. We could go over to your place to grab your laundry and eat some lunch.” Yoongi was leaning back on the piano bench, he was wearing a black button up today, and black jeans.
“Hyung, do you ever wear color?” Jeongguk hadn’t even realized he changed the subject, he deflected so often.
“Yes, in fact I do. If you don’t want to go to your house, just say it.” Yoongi said, looking nowhere in particular.
“Hyung, I just—I don’t live in a good area and you—you do.”
“We don’t have to go to your apartment, Jeonggukie. I just want you to have a chance to clean your laundry. I don’t care where you live, I don’t expect you to live in a million-dollar apartment.” Yoongi touched his earrings, looking down at the piano. Jeongguk realized all too much how selfish he was being. Yoongi invited him into his home, made him dinner, and let him stay the night, and Jeongguk wasn’t going to even let him near his apartment. Yoongi was moving everything around in his life to let Jeongguk in, and Jeongguk wasn’t doing anything for Yoongi in return. Jeongguk made a choked noise in the back of his throat.
“When should we go then?” Jeongguk asked, chewing on his upper lip.
“Whenever you want.” Yoongi was looking at him again, kind eyes, such kind eyes.
“Let’s go now then. You said you wanted to get lunch?” Jeongguk asked. Yoongi hummed in response. He began to stand up from the piano bench, groaning as he stretched.
“Hyung, you’re so old.” Jeongguk said, trying to hide his smile behind his lips.
“Maybe you’re just young.” Yoongi made his way past Jeongguk, grabbing his shoes and putting them on, of course they were expensive. “Are you going to put on your shoes so we can go or are you just going to stand there?” Yoongi said, tying his laces. Jeongguk was very focused on the way his hands moved.
“Hmm? Oh, uh yeah.” Jeongguk started to put on his shoes where he left them by the door.
“Ready to go?” Yoongi was next to him, wearing a big black coat and he looked, Jeongguk thought that he looked—
“That jacket looks kind of like a trash bag.” Yoongi simply snorted.
“Yeah, Jimin thought so too.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you talked to Jimin much.” Jeongguk was still staring at the glossy plastic of the coat.
“I don’t. But he’s very honest when he’s tired.” Yoongi said, walking out the door and waiting for Jeongguk to follow him. Jeongguk tilted his head at him.
“Huh?” For someone who made songs, Yoongi spoke in weird sentences.
“Once I went to the café early, almost right when it opened,” They were walking down back to the Seoul streets now. “Like six, right? And I was wearing this coat, it was March, right after my birthday. Hoseok gave it to me. Anyways, I walked in, Jimin was working. He was half asleep, you could tell. I ordered my coffee, and he just blinked at me. Then he said, ‘You really look like a trash bag.’” Yoongi said, they were walking through Hannam now.
“Just like that?” Jeongguk asked.
“Yeah, just like that. Then he realized what he said and apologized. He even gave me a free cinnamon roll for it. I gave it to Namjoon, he likes sweets more than I do.” Yoongi said with a soft smile. Jeongguk realized that Namjoon was Yoongi’s person. Namjoon was his best friend, every time he would talk about him, his eyes would soften. Jeongguk had Hoseok, and Yoongi had Namjoon.
“You really love Namjoon don’t you?” Jeongguk found himself asking.
“He’s my best friend. We’ve known each other for a long time. We lived together when we were in college.” Yoongi said. Jeongguk had known Hobi only about three years now. He didn’t really have anyone who he was friends with for that long. Jeongguk didn’t really feel like he had anybody sometimes. Not since Hobi was touring with groups now, teaching choreographies in Japan and Hong Kong. Jeongguk knew he shouldn’t be so selfish, he was being so selfish. Hobi had a career now, he was making a name for himself, and all Jeongguk was worried about was being left alone.
“Jeonggukie, are you alright?” Yoongi said with prying eyes, too observant for his own good.
“Yes, I’m alright. I just—” Jeongguk didn’t want his own pity party, he didn’t want someone like Yoongi feeling sorry for him. “I really would like to meet Namjoon sometime. Hobi and Taehyung talk about him sometimes.” Yoongi hummed.
“Your birthday is coming up isn’t it?” Yoongi remembered his birthday. Jeongguk had told him his birthday once weeks ago.
“Yeah, why?” Jeongguk felt his heart beat in uneven patterns.
“If you wanted to hold a little birthday party, I could bring Namjoon then.” Yoongi said, adjusting the hood of his trash bag jacket.
“My place isn’t big enough for a party, hyung.” Jeongguk felt the cold blush of shame rise over his skin.
“You can hold it at my apartment, if you wanted.” Jeongguk’s head snapped towards Yoongi.
“Hyung, don’t go through the trouble, I really don’t think that my birthday is that big of a deal.” Jeongguk looked down at his feet, sneakers against sidewalk. He changed his gaze up, bright lights and big buildings, so much concrete.
“I won’t mind. It would just be a few people, right? Besides, most of our friends are mutual anyways. Your birthday is September 1st,, so we have two weeks.” Yoongi’s hand brushes against his own.
“So, you really wouldn’t mind if I had my birthday party at your house, hyung?” Jeongguk didn’t understand Yoongi. He was inscrutable at best. Jeongguk felt like that everything he says isn’t everything he means. That he’ll say things that dodge around what he really wants to say.
“No, isn’t this going to be your second birthday here?” Jeongguk nodded. His 19th birthday last year hadn’t been a happy day. He failed a test, he remembers, and his grade dropped a lot. He didn’t have anyone but Hobi and Taehyung, but they were both at Young Nation at that point. They were busy on his birthday. He was lonely and alone. He spent his birthday in his tiny too-cheap apartment, video chatting his parents.
“I’m turning 20, hyung. I’m not going to be able to say that I’m a dumb teenager anymore.” Jeongguk wanted this year to be good, he wanted his birthday to be good.
“Ah, but now you can just say that you’re a dumb adult. How’s that?” Yoongi had a sly smile gracing his lips, a tiny little thing of humor.
“Still worse. Come on, we need to get on the metro here.” They were near the café now, descending into the metro. It took almost 30 minutes to get from his apartment to the café. “Sorry, it’s a bit of a trip.”
“Where do you live?” They were descending on the long escalators. Jeongguk chewed on the inside of his cheek.
“Uh, I mean I live in Itaewon.” Jeongguk knew that Itaewon was a touristy, party area. At night sometimes the floor of his apartment would shake with the bass of parties below him.
“Oh, there’s a tteokbokki place in Itaewon that I like a lot. We can have lunch there if you want.” Yoongi said. Jeongguk was staring at him, Yoongi’s eyes didn’t seem judging, he kind of seemed absent actually. Until his eyes widened a bit. “You live all the way in Itaewon?! That’s so far from campus! You have to get on the metro every day for 30 minutes to get there?” Yoongi still made no sense, he expected some type of reaction to the area, but there was nothing.
“Uh yeah. But rent is cheap.” Jeongguk scratched at the back of his neck, they were walking through the metro booths, scanning their cards.
“I suppose. But I think with how much you spend on travel, it equals out.” Jeongguk shook his head, they walked over to the proper platform.
“Actually, I did the math, I’m still saving almost 500 dollars even with travel and food.” When Jeongguk looked down at Yoongi now, his eyes were holding something different. Something somber. Oh no. Great, Yoongi now knows that Jeongguk has to budget even his pennies.
“If you—Jeongguk, if you don’t want to—I mean only if you wanted to, you could,” Yoongi started and restarted his sentence, not looking at Jeongguk anymore. Jeongguk didn’t even know what he was trying to say, when he opened his mouth to tell Yoongi to spit it out the train roared by and came to a stop in front of them.
They walked onto the crowded train car, holding onto one of the polls, as most of the seats were taken, their toes were touching, Yoongi’s face was level with Jeongguk’s collarbones. If you lean forward, you could kiss his forehead. Jeongguk shut his eyes. He has to remind himself to be careful. The train began to move, causing Yoongi to stumble forward into Jeongguk, who grabbed his shoulder with his free hand, steadying him.
“Sorry, Gguk-ah. I didn’t mean to bump into you.” Yoongi looked up at him. Be careful. Jeongguk has to repeat it, looking into Yoongi’s dark, sparkly eyes. His hand feels warm where he’s still holding Yoongi. He lets go reluctantly, shoving his hand into his pocket. The train stops again, people shuffle out, more people shuffle in, Jeongguk has to move his hand down to make room for someone else standing behind Yoongi, who tries not to touch anyone else, tucking into himself. Jeongguk’s hand is barely overlapping Yoongi’s, his hands are cold. The train is moving, someone trips into Yoongi, who crashes into Jeongguk’s chest with quite a lot of force, Jeongguk has to wrap his arm around Yoongi’s waist in order to hold them both steady. And Jeongguk is shy, but the man who tripped is drunk.
“Dude, c’mon. Seriously?” Jeongguk says at him.
“Sorry, man. I’m sorry, guys. I didn’t mean to fall into your boyfriend. I’m just gonna go sit down.” The man half mumbles before stumbling his way into a seat. But Jeongguk can barely hear anything, his ears hot. He’s warm where Yoongi is pressed against him, Yoongi who makes no move to step away from Jeongguk. Boyfriend? But Jeongguk is brought back from his thoughts when he can feel the rapid and stuttering movements of Yoongi’s chest against him. Jeongguk dips his hand down Yoongi’s hair tickling at his temple, lips near the shell of his ear.
“Hyung? Yoongi hyung, are you okay?” Yoongi is breathing heavy, oh so heavy. He can feel Yoongi’s hot breath through his shirt, then feels him mumble into his chest.
“Yeah, I’m—I’ll be fine. Hyung will be fine. There’s just a lot of people.” Yoongi rests his forehead against the soft slope of Jeongguk’s shoulder. Jeongguk doesn’t move the arm that’s wrapped around him, instead moving against Yoongi’s back, rubbing soothing circles around his midback. His head is still tucked downwards, he turns his head, resting his cheek against Yoongi’s hair. So soft. He smells of rosemary. They stay like that until they get to the proper stop, Yoongi’s breath has calmed down, but he had not moved out of Jeongguk’s hold.
Jeongguk moves of the train, hand enclosed around Yoongi’s wrist. Hold his hand. He shakes his head. He doesn’t let go until they get to ground level again, emerging from the metro. You could have held his hand. Jeongguk wants his brain to shut up. Boyfriend? Repeats in his head.