Chapter Text
Keith scrolls aimlessly through his social media feed, the white screen shining upon his face. Nothing is new, he thinks, nothing new will load—no matter how many times I swipe up. It's all quite dull—as now he knows he is going to have to wait at least a couple hours to have something new appear upon the screen to distract him from the suffocating solitude of his bedroom. The worse part is he can't think of something to preoccupy him while he waits for new posts to manifest—so all he can do is lay there.
Living a life of luxury, a sarcastic voice supplies.
Just before he goes to turn off his phone and ravage the kitchen for food to try distract himself, his phone vibrates once in his hands—then twice—then five times—then, what he can only estimate to be ten times. He turns it back on with a small click, seeing the 'text messages received' notification upon the screen. His first thought is it's Shiro—he's probably checking in on him, but, his eyes drift up towards a unfamiliar group chat name—''Pack of Animals''. Thus, he's intrigued, tapping it.
pidge has a gun has added sharpshooter, Akira Kogane, apollo himself, Allura and florida man to the conversation
pidge has a gun has named the chat Pack of Animals
florida man: fitting
pidge has a gun: thank u, mein bruder
sharpshooter: ALLURA!!!!!!!! hewwo my sweet!
Allura: Hello, Lance! Hello, everyone!
apollo himself: already have a feeling im gonna have to mute this
sharpshooter: aw hunk u know u love us
apollo himself: yes, but do i love notifs? no
florida man: notifs make my tummy rumble
sharpshooter: don't like that
pidge has a gun: matt talk about vore again and i wont give u admin permissions
florida man: understandable have a nice day
Keith was confused—who just were these people? Why had they added him to this group chat? His mind supplied within an instant that it was a mistake, and that he should leave--but, he honestly wondered if it was purposeful, and thus, decided to chime in.
sharpshooter: anyway allura. 💕💓💖💓💞💖💗❤ my sweet how is romelle
Allura: Shouldn't you ask her herself, Lance? She is in this chat, after all.
sharpshooter: ah right, a fool i am, @akinnie, how r u my lovely lesbian?
sharpshooter: hey the @ didn't load
Akira Kogane: i think i know why
apollo himself: FUCKKSJSJEJSNSJAJS
sharpshooter: OH MY GOD ROMELLE HAS BEEN MURDERED
florida man: love ur ominous and foreboding energy stranger
pidge has a gun: ya comrade has fucked up fellas i apologize
pidge has a gun: also sorry my good stranger u want me to boot u out?
Akira Kogane: would it be weird if I said no?
pidge has a gun: not really since we are very entertaining and complex people
sharpshooter: i am a man of various anime protagonist backstories.
pidge has a gun: new friend; acquired
florida man: so buddy have you ever committed a crime
apollo himself: matt Please
Allura: It is nice to meet you Akira! 😆
Akira Kogane: nice to meet you too
sharpshooter: the names lance, nice to meet you, my lovely lady akira
Akira Kogane: i'm a dude
sharpshooter: kajsjsjjsksjsuusejejsj oh sushsjksn ok sorry
pidge has a gun: what a baby
Akira Kogane: u can also call me keith btw.
Akira Kogane: only my family rlly calls me akira
pidge has a gun: okay then, keith
pidge has a gun: also they/them pronouns for me keith pls and ty
Akira Kogane: alright
pidge has a gun has changed Akira Kogane's name to keith
keith: was gonna do that but thanks anyhow
pidge has a gun: you are welcome
florida man: do u live in florida
keith: no
florida man: What even is the Point
apollo himself: matt is a madlad don't mind him.
pidge has a gun has added akinnie to the conversation
akinnie: wow i cannot believe you didnt add me before
keith: there was a mix up.
akinnie: who......................?
pidge has a gun: i mustve not been looking when i typed in your thing romelle because i accidently added keith but its ok hes here to observe the animals
akinnie: oh
akinnie: y do u have a stranger on ur phone pidge
akinnie: what secrets are u keeping
keith: do you know my brother or something because he seems like the type to just hand out my phone number
pidge has a gun: who is the brother
keith: his name is shiro
florida man: I KNOW THAT MAN
pidge has a gun: slightly.
florida man: YOU ARE THE BABY KIN HE SPEAKS OF??? THE BABY KIN???
keith: please don't call me baby kin
florida man: its the baby shiro. the baby.
keith: i'm not that much younger than him
keith: i'm not a baby
sharpshooter: yeah thats me im the baby
pidge has a gun: so you admit it.
sharpshooter: baby pride
keith: I don't like where this conversation has headed
florida man: this also means lance is still the only het rejoice my fellows rejoice
keith: ....of course shiro shared my entire life story didnt he?
sharpshooter: what
keith: im gay
akinnie: welcome to the club my fellow homosexual
keith: thanks I guess
sharpshooter: oh
pidge has a gun: u feel non-platonic love? disgusting.
florida man: quiet sibling I have something very important to say
pidge has a gun: yes matt what is it
florida man: the sasuke incident
keith: I DID NOT STAY IN THIS GROUPCHAT OF STRANGERS TO BE HARASSED LIKE THIS
keith: i cannot believe he told you that
keith: im gonna murder shiro. they're never gonna find his body.
sharpshooter: ok i'm interested now.
sharpshooter: what is the 'sasuke incident'
florida man: be prepared for the tale of the century, lads
keith: please i'm begging
keith: don't tell it
florida man: so my man shiro is yknow just comin over to check on his baby bro yknow the usual overprotective brother stuff
florida man: so he walks in to see said baby brother slobbering on a printed out picture of sasuke on his pillow
keith: I hate this I hate you this is why adam is my favorite i'm gonna kill you
florida man: you dont know my location youll never catch me
keith: im gonna ask shiro
florida man: it was nice knowing you all
sharpshooter: aokjnkJNALDNKJDNDKADJADNADJBADADOJIADHEUAHD
pidge has a gun: hdhhsjsukkss
apollo himself: i would've gone with naturo but yknow we all have our own personal tastes
akinnie: skskskskakkkksksksksk
Allura: I am back, my uncle was bothering me over something. Also, Keith, I think thats really sweet! I'm sure we've all done something embarrassing over our crushes, whether fictional or real.
keith: allura is the only valid one in this chat all the rest of you can die.
Allura: Aww, thank you!
apollo himself: guys don't scare off him already we just met him
florida man: sorry I just needed to tell it in order to confirm that this is the baby child
pidge has a gun: i cannot breathe
pidge has a gun: keith did u read y/n x sasuke fanfictions
keith: no comment
sharpshooter: OH MY GOD YOU DID THATS SO CUTE
keith: what about no comment do you people not understand
akinnie: poor keith all y/n fanfics were she/her pronouns he probably never got to experience sasukes love fully
keith: STOP
sharpshooter: ):
pidge has a gun: god he's already fitting in so well
keith: I regret saying i'd stay
sharpshooter: awww u'll come around keithy!!
keith: don't call me keithy
sharpshooter: keithy
keith: i'm gonna become a serial killer
florida man: we're all apart of keith's villian origin story
florida man: also im
florida man: tempted to add shiro now
keith: DO NOT ADD SHIRO please
florida man: fine but only bc you said please
keith: thank you
apollo himself: im sorry keith theyre usually not this feral
keith: whatever
sharpshooter: he likes it
keith: I really do not
sharpshooter: ):
apollo himself: ANYWAY moving on, why does your brother even hand out your number?
keith: he says he wants me to make friends
keith: I have friends
keith: it just so happens that theyre mostly family
sharpshooter: aw lonely
florida man: shiro told me youre scared of meeting new people
keith: well im proving him wrong right now so
florida man: oh thats true
florida man: but its because he gave pidge your number
florida man: so it is kind of his doing
keith: don't patronize him
sharpshooter: mean
keith: no
pidge has a gun: oh i feel for the not being good at meeting new people
pidge has a gun: but i was unlucky enough to meet hunk and lance it all came spiraling down from there
sharpshooter: love u too <3
apollo himself: f
keith: oh
keith: nice I guess
keith: which one is hunk
apollo himself: me
keith: nice name
apollo himself: thanks but im not a hunk
florida man: yeah he's a bear
apollo himself: im not a bear either matt
florida man: yeah he's a bear
sharpshooter: aww hunk u r a hunk
sharpshooter: love of my life <3
apollo himself: ur just saying that
pidge has a gun: you're a bear because you give bear hugs
apollo himself: that was almost sweet
apollo himself: almost
florida man: anybody wanna rp sonic the hedgehog vore with me
pidge has a gun: what did i say about vore matt
florida man: suddenly i cant read
sharpshooter: matt please stop with the vore im gonna have a heart attack!!
florida man: no
Allura: What is 'vore'?
keith: .
sharpshooter: .
pidge has a gun: .
apollo himself: .
akinnie: .
florida man: well u see
pidge has a gun: say anymore matt and im banning you.
florida man: aw
keith: you dont want to know allura
Allura: Oh.....I see
florida man: this is censorship
pidge has a gun: thats it nobody but hunk gets admin commands
apollo himself: :3
pidge has a gun has promoted apollo himself to admin
apollo himself: now I can ban matt whenever I want
florida man: this is panphobia
keith: no we just don't like vore
florida man: this is vorephobia
sharpshooter: maybe it is
sharpshooter: but vorephobes are just people with common sense
keith: ^
sharpshooter: adadkmas
akinnie: exactly
Allura: This is a very confusing conversation
apollo himself: indeed
apollo himself: anyone else we should add?
pidge has a gun: uhhhhhhh u wanna add shay?
apollo himself: ...........uhm
sharpshooter: aw he's nervous
apollo himself: no I just dont wanna scare her away
apollo himself: well, more like I dont want you guys to scare her away
sharpshooter: het
apollo himself: its not het if i'm pan
akinnie: you're one to talk
sharpshooter: shut up
pidge has a gun: Het
akinnie: Het
apollo himself: Het
florida man: Het
Allura: Het
sharpshooter: not you too allura!!!!!!!!!!
keith: ..
keith: Het
sharpshooter: akadnadajendjnaaajnddejas
keith: this is the most notifications i've ever
keith: dakadmade122
keith: 2i2ejnad88a88ad8dma
sharpshooter: oh no
keith: Who are you people?
pidge has a gun: he traveled dimensions
sharpshooter: into the akiraverse
pidge has a gun: adijnadd
keith: Oh no.
keith: Oh no...
keith: Please..
florida man: I REGCONIZE THAT CORRECT GRAMMAR ANYWHERE
florida man: Hello, Shiro.
keith: Its times like these I regret my decisions.
sharpshooter: adkdanjad did he steal the phone from keith
keith: I'm scrolling up
keith: Matt why do you have an obsession with 'vore'.
keith: Haha stupid Akira
florida man: shiro your texts are always so ominous it reminds me of my father
keith: How dare you
keith: I'm not gonna buy your groceries if you ever compare me to that old fart again
pidge has a gun: KOKANADMNAD HE CALLED DAD AN OLD FART
pidge has a gun: shiro you're a comedian
keith: I doubt that but thank you anyway.
keith: Akira's chasing me around the house
keith: God he's threatened to kill you guys so many times
keith: Not surprising
apollo himself: after this I guess we're gonna have to add keith's older brother
apollo himself: he's already seen the horrors
Allura: Hello, Shiro!
keith: Hi Allura
akinnie: ew correct grammar
Allura: Don't 'ew' me.
akinnie: [softly] ew
Allura: Mean
akinnie: noooooo
Allura: Mean
akinnie: im sowwy )))):
keith: Who's akinnie
akinnie: romelle, u dont know me
keith: Oh, okay
keith: Akira's closing inadijaduhe6aydh
keith: 8uyy6aadad6yhjahd###dajdnj1i
sharpshooter: me on roblox
keith: i hate shiro dont add him I dont care if he's seen the chat he's a bully
florida man: @pidge has a gun add shiro
pidge has a gun: give me his number
florida man: ugh ok
keith: I hate this I hate you all shiro's laughing at me im gonna eat his face off
pidge has a gun has added Takashi Shirogane to the chat
Takashi Shirogane has changed their name to Shiro hates Akira
Shiro hates Akira: Hi
keith: akira hates you more
Shiro hates Akira: Quiet, child.
florida man: are you two in the same room
florida man: just texting eachother. in the same room.
Shiro hates Akira: No, I had to hide in my room because he was kicking and elbowing at me.
Shiro hates Akira: He has sharp elbows.
keith: and I have sharper knives
Shiro hates Akira: Try me.
sharpshooter: this is so fun to watch
keith: im glad you find my pain entertaining
Allura: I'm glad I do not have siblings
Allura: Though my uncle acts like a child.
akinnie: LEAVE CORAN ALONE
sharpshooter: LEAVE CORAN ALONE HE'S TRYING HIS HARDEST!!!!
Allura: Do not defend that manboy
keith: its worse when you have two
Shiro hates Akira: I know you like Acxa more than me.
keith: obviously when you're like this
keith: I like adam more than you
Shiro hates Akira: Adam likes me most.
keith: obviously he's your fiance
Shiro hates Akira: It still counts.
sharpshooter: daodkejaendads
florida man: haha homosexuality
Shiro hates Akira: Shut up Matt.
florida man: no
Shiro hates Akira: I'll shut you up myself when we're at work tomorrow
florida man: god i've got two of them now
sharpshooter: man keith for such a loner you have such a big family
keith: shiro's my foster brother
keith: acxa is the only blood relative
keith: other than my mom
Shiro hates Akira: We were in foster care together until Keith's mom finally found him
Shiro hates Akira: We come as a duo so she had to adopt me.
keith: its true
sharpshooter: did she loose you or smth???
keith: something like that
pidge has a gun: big f
apollo himself: big f
sharpshooter: ditto
Allura: Well, I'm glad you two still have eachother! Despite the threats you two seem very close!
keith: wanting to murder your sibling is just sibling culture
Shiro hates Akira: Indeed.
Shiro hates Akira: Also leave Coran alone he's trying his best.
Allura: Not you too
Shiro hates Akira: He's an okay boss.
Allura: I take back every nice thing I've ever said to you.
Shiro hates Akira: Wow mean.
florida man: I Can Also Talk In Grammar
Shiro hates Akira: That isn't correct grammar.
florida man: all i want is to be included.
pidge has a gun: shut up matt
keith: oh moms home
keith: i have to go
keith: she brought home pizza
keith: bye
sharpshooter: bye!!!
akinnie: bye.
pidge has a gun: godnite sweet prince
Allura: Farewell!
apollo himself: bye!
florida man: good morrow.
Shiro hates Akira: Bye
keith: why are you saying bye its your dinner too