Lessons in Intimacy
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‘You don’t have a body?’
“Nope,” the Narrator affirms, letting the P pop. “If you were expecting an actual kiss, I’ll have to sorely disappoint you.”
Stanley puts his hand to his chin and his eyes glaze over a little, like he’s thinking. The Narrator could just listen in if he so desired, if Stanley’s not actively blocking him out, but he’s a little curious to see what Stanley will come up with on his own. Not that he has high expectations. Stanley’s ideas usually border on the absurd or insane.
Stanley taps his finger to his chin.
‘I’ve got some ideas I’d like to try.’
The Narrator lets out another long-suffering sigh. Which is well-earned, since he’s done nothing but suffer since the day they started this little game of theirs.
“By all means, do your best to surprise me.”
Stanley grins. Challenge accepted.
Or: Stanley wants to kiss the Narrator. Seeing as the Narrator isn't human, and thus doesn't have a body, they have to rely on more unconventional means.
Series
- Part 1 of Lessons in Intimacy
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Rock-a-bye Stanley, lying in bed
When the game turns on, we will be met
When the bed breaks, our Stanley will fall
And down will come Stanley, Parable and all!‘Why are you singing about the bed breaking? That’s not very reassuring.’
“I was simply adapting the lyrics of the song to become more prevalent to your situation, Stanley. It is to be expected that my efforts would go unappreciated. Hmpf.”
Or: another day, another attempt at intimacy. This time, Stanley wishes they take a nap together.
Series
- Part 2 of Lessons in Intimacy
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The Complexities of Arranging a Rendez-Vous by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Stanley Parable
23 Jan 2026
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“Let’s see… dates.” The Narrator does a quick mental scan on the world wide web, making sure he doesn’t forget anything when conveying information to his pupil. “A date. An appointment to meet at a specific time, and more specifically, a social engagement between two persons, often of a romantic character.”
‘Are you seriously giving me the dictionary definition you are so weird-’
“Common types of dates,” the Narrator barrels on, “involve having dinner at a restaurant, or watching a movie. A so-called ‘dinner date’ is a setting that lends itself especially well to getting to know your partner through conversation, whereas the more intimate setting of a movie theater is better for… er, for snuggling.”
Stanley smirks and wiggles his eyebrows. Starts thinking some very appreciative thoughts at the concept of snuggling.
Or: Stanley wants to go on a date, and the Narrator continuously questions his taste in men.
Series
- Part 3 of Lessons in Intimacy
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The Titillation of Erogenous Stimulation by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Stanley Parable
27 Mar 2026
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Stanley wants to have sex with the Narrator.
The Narrator knows this, because just a moment ago, Stanley stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the employee lounge, looked him dead in the eye (or an approximation of glaring at the incorporate being filling up the space surrounding him), and thought out loud about how he wants to try having sex with the Narrator. In a fashion reminiscent of their first attempted kiss, he crossed his arms, set his jaw, and thought the words ‘I want to have sex with you.’
Now the only thing they need to figure out is the how.
Series
- Part 4 of Lessons in Intimacy