Dontmentionit
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Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger have returned to Hogwarts, both a little mean, and both a little damaged. After catching Hermione out of bed Draco attempts to blackmail her, only to regret it when he realises that blackmail does not equal enthusiastic consent, and when it comes to Granger, our boy really needs that.
“Can I get you a drink?” Draco offered, ever the gentleman.
“No, I’d rather just get it over and done with.”
"Romantic," Draco murmured as he walked toward her.
"Blackmail," she responded, not bothering to match his murmur.Bookmarked by Dontmentionit
19 Jun 2026
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Hermione sat on a bar stool, overthinking her job— her life. Until Draco Malfoy, with his usual arrogance, forces himself onto the bar stool next to her.
And so begins their game of control.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,529
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 283
- Kudos:
- 3,174
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- 946
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Bookmarked by Dontmentionit
14 Jun 2026
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“You need an orgasm.”
That was absolutely the last thing she’d thought Draco Malfoy would ever say to her. Did he even consider her a sexual creature? How interesting. But regardless, his advice was useless because orgasms weren’t something she had ready access to.
“Excellent advice.” She turned a corner suddenly and quickly trotted up the steps. He barely faltered, keeping up with her seamlessly, uncowed by her unwelcoming tone.
“That sounded sarcastic.”
“Ten points to Slytherin,” she said, even more sarcastically, and then winced when she remembered that, as Head Girl, she actually had the authority to grant them and would probably see an additional ten emeralds in their vessel at dinner.
Bugger.
———
Or where Hermione has never had an orgasm and Draco cannot abide.
(This has turned into a full-on sexploration with romance as the plot, and is my ode to sex, good communication, and all my favorite tropes)
Series
- Part 1 of You Do It For Me Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 287,434
- Chapters:
- 55/?
- Comments:
- 4,433
- Kudos:
- 8,371
- Bookmarks:
- 3,473
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- 829,510
Bookmarked by Dontmentionit
12 Apr 2026
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Pansy Parkinson loved the wrong person for too many years. The split was a mess that was a long-time coming. When Theodore Nott closes her door for the last time and takes a piece of her with him, she throws herself into a self-destructive routine of smokes, potions, and places loud enough to drown out her thoughts.
Six months later, she finds herself pulled back from the edge after a rough night by someone she would have never expected.
Bookmarked by Dontmentionit
21 Mar 2026
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"Her name is...Hermione," Lucius pronounces the name very carefully, watching Voldemort as if for some reaction. He has none to offer. "She's in my son's year. And she claims to be your daughter."
Crack!AU where Lord Voldemort thinks Hermione Granger is his daughter.
Series
- Part 2 of and several bad jokes later
- Part 2 of all plates are cracked by mr nobody
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,757
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 31
- Comments:
- 792
- Kudos:
- 13,318
- Bookmarks:
- 3,588
- Hits:
- 151,067
Bookmarked by Dontmentionit
31 Dec 2025