Erlendbros



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    Rozanov cocked his head. “You speak Russian? Or just the curse words?”

    “Yes, I speak Russian,” he snapped, defensive and angry. He knew that it had been a mistake to even try to be friendly with Rozanov. “Why? Do I not look Russian to you?” He scoffed.

    “No, not really,” Rozanov said. Some of his teammates laughed, although they mostly looked surprised that Shane was speaking to them at all. Rozanov didn’t laugh, though. “Are you Russian?”

    “Go fuck yourself.”

    +++

    Despite an inauspicious start, when Russia’s Ilya Rozanov learns that Canada’s Shane Hollander is fluent in Russian at their first World Junior Championships tournament, it changes everything and sets them on a different course. Instead of being branded as rivals from the very beginning, Ilya and Shane start off as friends.

    And, after all, a little friendly rivalry never hurt anyone, did it?

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    15 Jun 2026

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    “Hollander,” Ilya replied stiffly, trying his best to school his tone. “You never call me.”

    “I need–nngh–“ he panted out.

    Ilya froze, all of the questions in his head like “What are you doing?” and “Why are you calling me?” and “Why haven’t we spoken in so long?” immediately dissipating because that didn’t matter, not when it sounded like–

    “Are…are you touching yourself, Hollander?” Ilya asked, voice dropping low.

    “N-no,” Shane whimpered and fuck he missed hearing him like this. His thready breaths alone made Ilya grab at his sheets, his dick immediately perking up in interest. “I’m not–I’m not touching. I’m–fuck–”

    “You’re what?” Ilya demanded. “Finish the sentence.”

    “I’m humping a pillow.” The admission hung heavy in the air, and for a split second, Ilya lost all ability to speak.

    Shane Hollander wakes up with a vagina and can't get himself off. He calls the one person who can help him.

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    15 Jun 2026

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    “Why are you here?” Ilya asked, very quietly.
    It still felt like a slap.
    Shane must have let out a sound of some sort, because Ilya turned to look at him, finally.
    “Did not mean it like that,” Ilya said. “Just… surprised.”
    Shane shifted awkwardly from one foot to the next, as if he was suddenly coming to the realization that he had no right to be here at all. “I got a call from the hospital,” he explained. “They told me I’m your emergency contact.”
    “Sorry,” Ilya said, in such a quiet voice it was almost impossible to hear him. “I forgot to change it.”
    Shane could only frown. That did not make him any less confused. “I guess I just… I don’t understand why you put me down as your emergency contact in the first place. It’s not like we…”
    Ilya took a couple of deep breaths. It looked like they were painful. His eyes slid away from Shane, like he couldn’t bear to look at him. “Did not have anyone else,” he admitted, and now his voice was the smallest Shane had ever heard it, like Ilya was trying to disappear as the words left him. “I’m sorry.”

    --

    Or: Ilya has a car accident. Shane is his emergency contact... even though they're no longer seeing each other.

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    12 Jun 2026

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    “Did Boston Lily send you all these flowers? Shane??” Hayden asks.

    “Um,” Shane says helpfully.

    ——

    Or, Shane gets hurt in the Boston vs. Montreal game. Ilya crashes out and buys all the lilies in Boston for him.

    No one knows about them.

    Except for Ilya’s new florist, who never asked to get involved in dumb hockey boys and their messy drama. Also, Cliff is a good friend.

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    07 Jun 2026

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    Hollander huffed and then, slowly, looked into Ilya’s eyes. “What if… what if we didn’t do it all the way?”

    “Yeah?” Ilya breathed. “Like?”

    “What if it’s just the tip.”

    Ilya’s jaw literally dropped. “Who the fuck taught you that?”

    Hollander shrugged, then his eyes locked onto Ilya. “Yes or no.”

    Fuck it.

    Or: episode 4 fuck-montage meets Just The Tip meets down-bad but doesn’t know it Ilya Rozanov meets barebacking

    OR: Ilya “just the tip” Rozanov and Shane “just fucking come in me” Hollander

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    04 Jun 2026