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   Tea Towels and Other Weapons of Courtship by sportfucker (SportFucker)

   Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

   • Teen And Up Audiences
   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • F/M
   • Complete Work

   26 Apr 2025

   Tags

   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
   • Hermione Granger
   • Draco Malfoy
   • Theodore Nott
   • Blaise Zabini
   • Pansy Parkinson
   • Daphne Greengrass
   • Millicent Bulstrode
   • Tracey Davis (Harry Potter)
   • Ginny Weasley
   • Luna Lovegood
   • Neville Longbottom
   • Hogwarts Eighth Year
   • The Sacred Twenty-Eight (Harry Potter)
   • Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter)
   • Pureblood Society (Harry Potter)
   • Courtship
   • Courting Rituals
   • Cultural Differences

   Summary

   Draco Malfoy thinks he's courting Hermione Granger.
   Hermione Granger thinks Draco Malfoy is experiencing a very slow, very polite breakdown.
   Nothing about this is graceful.
   They're both doing it anyway.

   Expect:

   -missed signals
   -disaster courtship rituals
   -deeply amused Slytherins
   -Ginny Weasley gives dating advice
   -a tea towel that counts as an act of war
   -"this is fine" energy
   -Hermione Granger, missing every signal
   -Draco Malfoy, sending them like distress signals from a sinking ship
   -nothing, absolutely nothing, remotely graceful

   Challenge: April Showers Bring May Flowers
   Aster:
   Patience, elegance
   Required Tag: Cultural Misunderstandings or Slow Burn

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   21,000

   Chapters:

   1/1

   Collections:

   1

   Comments:

   121

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   Bookmarks:

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   Bookmarked by Hopefulsprinkles

   21 Apr 2026