MWHAHAHAHAHA



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    When Harry Potter woke up after death, in the body of his younger self before his second year. He can only think one thing.

     

    "Fuck That."

     

    Save Britain? He already fucking did that! And what did he get? A job he was peer pressured into getting, which was a Career that did nothing to help him when he had needed them, trauma, and a ton of other bullshit.

    Nuh uh. Nope. Not again. No thank you, he's going to America. Fuck you. Who cares if he's like, twelve right now. He's got the know-how to smuggle onto a flight or something.

    (And he grabbed Tom Riddle's diary before he left. Maybe having a little pen pal would be nice while he's on the opposite side of the world.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,027
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    60
    Kudos:
    1,397
    Bookmarks:
    160
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    17 Feb 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Harry Potter never learnt magic, probably because he never went to Hogwarts and instead joined a gang.
    As you do.
    That's where Harry becomes Shadow and- well, to put it bluntly, becomes a badass.
    And that's the perfect life for our dear Shadow.
    Except Snape finds a boy who looks a hell of a lot like the dead Boy-Who-Lived, so obviously what else should a respected teacher do but kidnap him?
    Shit gets real and Shadow is confused about how a certain blonde could look so damn cute- which obviously should be any kids biggest concern when faced with manipulative Headmasters, kidnapping, Dark Lords and... so do you guys just say 'screw math, we'll teach you to turn a matchstick into a needle' or is this a special occasion?
    And let's not forget about the wee issue of his found family getting involved.

    Takes place during Fifth Year

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,659
    Chapters:
    20/20
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    265
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    2,001
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    357
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    17 Feb 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Harry Potter had a plan...it wasn't a very good plan, but at least it was simple.

    Step 1: Don't die from the insanely difficult ritual
    Step 2: Cause as much chaos to the timeline as possible before getting killed and/or arrested

    As it goes, it was really simple...until it became clear he wasn't traveling back in time alone. Now the whole plan has to change.

    Step 1: Don't die from the ritual
    Step 2: Kill off current Dark Lord
    Step 3: Establish following to become new Dark Lord
    Step 4: Overthrow Ministry
    Step 5: Cause as much chaos to the timeline as possible
    Step 6: Keep boyfriend alive and not mad at him

    It was a work in progress, but plans hadn't worked out well for Harry in the past regardless. Oh well, it's not like he could make things worse...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    270,551
    Chapters:
    42/42
    Collections:
    96
    Comments:
    3,347
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    16 Feb 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 17

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    Harry Potter was supposed to be the Boy Who Lived.
    Instead, he's the boy who hexes portraits for "looking smug," torches common rooms over rumors, and makes Death Eaters cry.

    Hogwarts thinks he's dangerous.
    They're absolutely right.

    Unhinged, unpredictable, and one curse away from setting the entire Wizarding World on fire-Harry's done playing the hero.

    Let the Dark Lord come.
    He's not ready for this kind of crazy.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,313
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    135
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1,092

    07 Feb 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    When Harry blows up Aunt Marge, Dumbledore decides he can't be left to his own devices in Diagon Alley for the whole of August and sends him to stay with the only person available - one highly displeased Severus Snape. Harry, for his part, doesn't think this summer could get any worse. After all, what could be more unpleasant than living with Professor Snape?

    Finding out that Draco Malfoy is also staying at Spinner’s End, of course.

    None of them know how they'll survive a month in each others' company, but they might just come out the other side with something they all need the most: a family.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    352,357
    Chapters:
    50/50
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    5,110
    Kudos:
    13,999
    Bookmarks:
    3,336
    Hits:
    677,705

    01 Feb 2026