NotTheSlayer
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In the deli Five finds a little more than he bargained for, OR, what if the key to saving the timelines has nothing to do with the Cleanse?
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It had been a long time since Nora had the mental clarity, or the wherewithal, to form even a single coherent thought. That happens when you have all the moments of a vast and expanding universe shoved into your brain, playing on a loop for eternity. However, with clarity came the understanding of why she could possibly have that clarity: the universe was wrong. And, as always, the blame could be placed solely on the shoulders of Sir Reginald Hargreeves.
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Five finds himself alone in the academy and decides to relieve some stress.
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Something other than a giant, alien brain festers in the city of Baldur's Gate. From dead men wandering the sewers, to soulless patriars scheming from their gilded palaces, something vile has taken root to consume all it touches.
To save a city that's deemed them criminals (and to save their own asses), these two losers must cheat, stab, and flirt their way to the heart of the rot and carve it out, piece by festering piece. And figure out what, exactly, they mean to each other.
Series
- Part 4 of these two shitheads
Bookmarked by NotTheSlayer
10 Jun 2026
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“Oh, gods forbid they respond positively to you doing a good thing,” Neve deadpans. She squeezes him a little again. “That’s sort of how it works, Astarion.”
She can’t even see it. Believes the best of them all so earnestly, himself included, that she can’t see how it would all fall away without her at the center. It’s enough to make a person feel like they might actually deserve it.
“And by it, you mean…?” he asks instead.
Her huffed laugh of disbelief ruffles the hair at his neck. “Friendship, you idiot,” she answers. “And the general acquisition thereof.”
Astarion cuts a sideways look at her as best he can with her still nestled so close. “And is that what we are? Friends?”
He’d meant it to tease her, and yet finds that the silence before her answer twists his stomach. Because…he doesn’t actually know, either.
“Yes, Astarion,” Neve says gently, after a moment. “I think we’re very good friends.”
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Neve and Astarion, continued. She's not a victim. Not a target. Not just one night it's better to forget. But then...whatever in the world could she be?
Series
- Part 2 of Mercurial World
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 96,994
- Chapters:
- 17/?
- Comments:
- 1,073
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- 6,124
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- 1,470
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- 179,166
Bookmarked by NotTheSlayer
09 May 2026
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“Maybe what you really need is a friend, not a lover.”
Astarion’s eyes flutter with surprise. “I-I would like that. I’ve held more people than I can count. An infinite parade of lovers. But a friend?” He pauses on the question and his face becomes crestfallen. “I can’t think of a single one.”
He puts his hand out to Effy, to which she happily accepts.
“Until you,” he says with a smile—that only she’s ever seen.
Ever since that moment the two remained friends and even got an apartment together in the Lower City shortly after defeating the Netherbrain.
It’s been several months since; and Effy is still happily living with her vampire bestie, but Astarion’s been acting different lately…
Series
- Part 1 of Something Else Entirely
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 268,179
- Chapters:
- 27/?
- Comments:
- 1,735
- Kudos:
- 1,326
- Bookmarks:
- 299
- Hits:
- 59,374
Bookmarked by NotTheSlayer
29 Apr 2026
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It's the end of the world. The Cleanse is devouring them all. In one last-ditch effort to save himself and his family, Five time travels to the last place, and person, he can think of that made him truly happy.
Five finds Ava, a sunshiny waitress working at a cafe in 1965 Dallas, Texas. He hasn't been able to forget her ever since he set eyes on her in 1963. Fortunately for Five, Ava finds him charming and they develop a deep, romantic relationship. Unfortunately for Five, that means he has to lie to her about his entire life.
Nothing bad can come of that, right?
Bookmarked by NotTheSlayer
19 Mar 2026
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I don’t remember how I died. Maybe that’s preferrable.
Reborn as part of the Giles family, I followed in my uncle’s footsteps and join him in Sunnydale as a Watcher-In-Training. Scrambling to organise the Scoobie’s collective chaos in order to keep the stubborn kids alive, I find myself becoming part of something unexpected, and end up drawing the attention of a Billy Idol wannabe.
(updated very slowly)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 102,488
- Chapters:
- 26/?
- Comments:
- 282
- Kudos:
- 438
- Bookmarks:
- 159
- Hits:
- 12,044
Bookmarked by NotTheSlayer
19 Feb 2026