TheBigDumb
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"Cannae do it myself. Humpin' the bed like a dog was the closest I got. If I could do it right I'd be off like a flashbang in minutes. Since yer here if ye could help me wrap my arm, I'm gonna take a cold shower."
"Thought you were gonna ask me to give ya a hand."
"Oh steamin' Jesus L.T. no, would never try to ask that from you."
"Would you take it if offered?"
"Depends on who's offering."
"I am."
"Yer aff yer heid, L.T."or
Soap gets injured and goes on medical leave on base. Ghost takes care of him in more ways than a superior should.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,435
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 361
- Kudos:
- 8,370
- Bookmarks:
- 1,443
- Hits:
- 107,322
Bookmarked by TheBigDumb
06 Jun 2026
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In which Rhys attempts to steal one thing from Handsome Jack and finds himself with another.
Series
- Part 1 of Fools
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 46,907
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 335
- Kudos:
- 1,676
- Bookmarks:
- 486
- Hits:
- 29,948
Bookmarked by TheBigDumb
28 May 2026
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Rhys thought he was ready for anything when he arrived on Helios as a newly minted Hyperion worker bee. Until the CEO was murdered on his very first day.
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"Hey there, kiddos! Handsome Jack here. I’m sure you’ve all heard the good news by now, or at least waved at it as it floated by the windows. If you look real closely at Mr Tassiter’s frostbitten face, you can see the tear streaks from when he cried like a pansy bitch in his final moments. Good times!”
“Anyway, just wanted to tell you all how honored I am to know that you dirty ingrates are already making attempts on my life. I’m expecting at least one more before the day’s end, so don’t disappoint me. I’ll be waiting."
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The story of how Rhys fell in love with the most hated man in six galaxies.
Series
- Part 1 of loves: a couplet
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 78,997
- Chapters:
- 22/22
- Comments:
- 761
- Kudos:
- 2,334
- Bookmarks:
- 405
- Hits:
- 43,472
Bookmarked by TheBigDumb
28 May 2026
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Summary
There was once a man called Jack, and he had been betrayed or abandoned by everyone he ever cared about, and he decided that if he ever cared about anyone ever again, he was going to betray or abandon them first.
Then Jack made a friend. His name was Rhys.
Chapter 5 of Tales happened. Rhys kept the eye.
Welcome to the fix-it. It's gonna take a while. (It'll be worth it.)
December 2024 note: THERE IS NOW A PODFIC OF LOST AND FOUND IN THE WORKS! It's a beautiful production by bonedaze, and the first chapter is here>>.
Series
- Part 2 of The Lost and Found Multiverse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 271,704
- Chapters:
- 52/52
- Comments:
- 818
- Kudos:
- 1,084
- Bookmarks:
- 152
- Hits:
- 38,195
Bookmarked by TheBigDumb
28 May 2026
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Summary
“Ghost?”
“Soap.” Ghost’s voice was a low buzz, gravelly with static. In the absolute silence of the snow-covered forest, it sounded both deafeningly loud and intimately quiet.
“What’s your favourite season?” Soap asked.
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Four seasons, five countries, six months.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 51,229
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 1,503
- Kudos:
- 8,790
- Bookmarks:
- 2,524
- Hits:
- 145,199
Bookmarked by TheBigDumb
12 Apr 2026