allthstouchn



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    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

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    09 Jun 2026

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    Ten minutes passed, and Ilya, who normally could drift off easily, only felt more and more wired. He definitely didn't want sex while the other person was feeling bad. The thought made him nauseous. But he found himself still yearning for the release that came with being with Hollander. If not the physical release, the emotional and mental one. Behind his eyelids, all he could see were those damn freckles.

    Ilya gnawed on his lip and decided to toe a line they haven't crossed yet. Ironically, this was one that usually came way before every other line they've already crossed. He picked back up his phone.

     

    Lily: You are sleeping for a few hours in the hotel.

    Jane: Yeah? And?

    Lily: Does it matter if you are sleeping in your room, or in mine?
     
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    or; shane and ilya sleep together, literally; ilya pines, and pines, and pines.

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    04 Jun 2026

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    “…You want to?” he asks.

    Shane blinks. “What?”

    “Kiss someone.”

    The question makes Shane’s brain short circuit.

    Shane swallows. “I mean—yeah.”

    “Then why haven’t you?”

    “I don’t know.” Shane shrugs again, shoulders tight. “Timing. People. It’s just… not something I think about like that.”

    That’s not entirely true.

    He does think about it. Just in a different way. Abstractly. Like something other people do, but not he himself.

    Ilya watches him for a long moment.

    “I could show you.”

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    19 Apr 2026

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    “Got someone special waiting for you?”

    Shane’s breath hitches and he looks up, big, brown orbs settling on the person behind the camera. There’s a blush crawling across his freckles, his voice unsteady as he answers.

    “I wanted to celebrate with Lily, but she isn’t here.”

    The video ends shortly after, and the internet collectively loses its mind. Within minutes #FindLily is trending across all social media platforms, women from across the globe begging Shane to dump her ass.

    OR on the night that Shane wins the cup for a second year in a row, the internet learns of Lily and goes absolutely nuts.
    Inevitably, so does Ilya Rozanov.

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    14 Apr 2026

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    Ilya was used to hazing. He had been subjected to it, he had participated in it, and, as a captain, he had stood guard over the rookies and protected them from anything truly harmful. But if he had been asked, Ilya would have approved of this prank. He would have authorized it, given Cliff and Vicky his seal of approval, perhaps even helped orchestrate it.

    Any other day, Ilya might have been happy to play along.

    But, in perfect dramatic irony, it had not happened any other day. It had happened today. And, cherry on top, of course the rookie had to walk in when Shane was already freaking out about Ilya saying his name.

    +++

    A prank-gone-wrong leads to the Boston Bears finding out about Shane and Ilya’s relationship in 2016. The day Ilya first invited Shane into his house. Right after they say each other’s names for the first time. Fuck his life, honestly.

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    12 Apr 2026