captainbartholomew



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  1. Rec *

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    Shane doesn’t know how to grocery shop for two. He doesn’t know how to do any of this, really. He’s keenly aware that this was the longest stretch of time he’d be spending alone with Ilya, with any one person ever, outside of his parents.

    In a way, it feels like playing house, unpacking the groceries and setting out a set of towels and washcloths for him. It is playing house. This is what it might feel like, to be able to have him all the time. The thought feels impossible to contemplate, terrifying to dwell on for longer than a minute or two at a time.

    on finally getting to know your situationship of 10 years

    Language:
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    28 Jun 2026

  2. Rec *

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    “I’m sorry I’m not him,” Shane says, looking away.

    “Who?”

    “Future me. Whoever you fell in love with.” What’s unsaid hangs in the air: whoever fell in love with you. Because this Shane – 2010 Shane – doesn’t love him. Is amused by their daily lessons, comforted by his presence, even grateful. But love?

    “That’s the thing, Shane,” Ilya says. His eyes are shining. “You are, right now, exactly who I fell in love with.”

    In 2031, Shane wakes up in the hospital certain that it's 2010. Ilya is there to remind him of the two decades he's missed and the life they've built along the way.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,790
    Chapters:
    20/20
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    1,285
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    28 Jun 2026

  3. Rec *

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    After leaving behind his last job, Ilya threw himself into a new profession: making and selling all things one can pickle. His week revolved around the Sunday farmer's market. Everything seemed simple and predictable until a new vendor arrived late in the season.

    Language:
    English
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    20,273
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    1/1
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    26 Jun 2026

  4. Rec *

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    "Anya," Shane said. The firm voice. The one that meant sit, wait, leave it. "Easy."

    She did not sit.

    She did not leave it.

    She knew what leave it meant. She had left many things in her life—shoes, food on low tables, interesting dead things on walks, and she had done so because the rules were the rules and she was a creature who respected them. This was different. Leave it applied to objects.

    This was a breach of territory. This was a matter of pack safety.

    The rules, she felt certain, had not accounted for this.

    Post-TLG: Five times Anya battled to protect her pack, and one time she simply stood watch (like the good girl she is).

    Series
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    English
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    15,035
    Chapters:
    6/6
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    273
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    25 Jun 2026

  5. Rec 40

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    "She's my fairy godmother," Shane says, loud enough for Ilya to hear, as he stares at himself in the mirror.

    There's a long, long pause. Then Ilya laughs loudly, a genuine burst of surprise that reverberates off the doorway. "Very funny, Hollander. And you are my cute little house elf. What does that make me?"

    Instead of Rose becoming Shane's best friend, she offered to grant him three wishes a month. Surely a dream come true for any closeted hockey player trying to navigate impossible feelings for his biggest rival.

    But over the following months, a few problems emerge: first, Shane has no clue how to explain this relationship to an increasingly jealous Ilya. Second, he keeps screwing up his wishes. And, oh yeah, he's maybe a little terrified of his fairy godmother.

    Vibes: Ella Enchanted meets Heated Rivalry. 50% crack, 50% fix it fic, 100% magical alternative coming out story. 🧚‍♀️ Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

    Language:
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    29,486
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    56
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    160
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    40
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    2,006

    25 Jun 2026