outside_cat
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"Why would I want your…fumblings?" There was a thread of steel in Granger's voice as she played along with Severus' game. "When I could have his expertise?"
SS/HG HEA...Always :)
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Bookmarked by outsidecat (outside_cat)
27 Apr 2026
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"I would remind you that I am the Headmaster of this institution.”
“Oh, are we now just trading random facts with each other?” Hermione asked breezily. “Should we go round the table, in a circle? In this direction, then?” she drew a slow arc at Severus’s immediate left with her hand, conveniently landing on herself.
“Hmmm, very well,” she hummed, pressing her index finger to her chin in a caricature of contemplation. “Oh! I know! I have that gene—you know, the one that makes cilantro taste all soapy?”
Severus looked thoroughly unmoved at this bit of information.
“I am the Headmaster of this institution, Professor Granger. And your boss.”
“Are we just repeating our random facts?” she looked at him with mock confusion. “Okay: I still have that soapy cilantro gene. The very same one I had, you know, just thirty seconds ago.”
Severus let out a sharp, hard exhale.
“Even during the Carrow occupation I was treated with more respect than this,” he muttered to himself.
“Yes, well, that was during a fascist coup,” Hermione reminded him.
Series
- Part 2 of Pranks
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As it happened, it wasn’t terribly difficult to be sectioned in a Muggle hospital.
Not if one was a wizard and told the truth.
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Story is finished in full and updates weekly on Sundays!
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The Perils of Idiocy: Or, the Rah-Rah-Rainbows Glitter-Up-Your-Arse Sunshine-Straightjacket Jinx by Stinkerbelly
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
27 Apr 2026
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Harry gaped at Hermione. “You did this?”
“Might’ve,” she replied with a shrug.
Severus’s brain tried for: I already have a dreadful migraine, Potter, so kindly piss off before you make it worse.
What emerged instead: “Harry, you beacon of plucky perseverance, what happy twist of fate brings us your heart-warming sincerity and scruffily heroic energy today?”
A short, terrible silence followed.
“I think,” said Harry, very slowly, “I’d much rather be shouted at.”
“I would also much rather you be shouted at,” Minerva agreed.
“Right,” Harry said faintly. “Clearly I’ve walked into something much stranger than I thought.”
Severus’s brain tried for: Then kindly fuck off, you Potter-haired fuck-face.
But instead, Severus’s mouth chirped: “Keep believing in yourself, Harry! Gold stars, all around! And your hair is such a wonderfully spirited celebration of your individuality!”
Harry backed towards the door. “And I think I’m going to leave and let all of you sort out whatever—” he made a vague gesture, “—this is.”
Series
- Part 1 of Pranks