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Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Apr 2022
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Summary
Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Draco is an Auror assigned to protect her from forces unknown – to both of their displeasure.
Features hyper-competent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 199,548
- Chapters:
- 36/36
- Collections:
- 206
- Comments:
- 13,409
- Kudos:
- 100,490
- Bookmarks:
- 30,996
- Hits:
- 5,451,322
Bookmarked by pizzapurse
19 Jan 2026
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Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,484
- Kudos:
- 31,198
- Bookmarks:
- 12,393
- Hits:
- 1,892,730
Bookmarked by pizzapurse
29 Oct 2025
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Summary
During his brief stint as a prisoner of the Order, Draco Malfoy notices that Hermione doesn't look to be doing too well. He had always assumed that, given her brilliant mind and gentle nature, those on her side would ensure she is taken care of. Evidently not. Must he really do everything himself?
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OR: Dark Draco decides he'd rather like to keep the pretty Healer for himself, since it seems no one else can take proper care of her.
A story about love and power.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 122,850
- Chapters:
- 33/33
- Comments:
- 7,133
- Kudos:
- 20,694
- Bookmarks:
- 6,927
- Hits:
- 944,388
Bookmarked by pizzapurse
25 Oct 2025