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Summary
After a strange encounter, Kyle ends up a vampire and, through a twist of fate, he finds himself in an unusual symbiotic relationship with Cartman. It's unsustainable, though, and Kyle is forced to accept the fact that he'll need to regularly kill to survive. Cartman has a plan, however, and the two of them form an unlikely duo and, together, they hunt down and kill deviants such as pedophiles, sexual predators, and neo-Nazis.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 99,898
- Chapters:
- 32/32
- Comments:
- 512
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- 3,462
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- 494
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- 91,687
Bookmarked by sammielulz
13 Jan 2026
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Summary
The boys embark on a six day road trip to California before separating for college. Cartman is a pain in the ass, Kenny has no future, Butters is in crisis, and Kyle doesn't know how he'll say goodbye to Stan.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 116,313
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 561
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- 6,747
- Bookmarks:
- 1,515
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- 192,382
Bookmarked by sammielulz
13 Jan 2026
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Summary
Thirteen years after his high school girlfriend's pregnancy upended his life, Stan is still in South Park, working with his partner Bebe as a local cop. They're in the process of investigating a series of possibly connected murders when FBI agent Kyle Broflovski returns to town and informs his old friend Stan that this is his investigation now.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 115,701
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 303
- Kudos:
- 1,892
- Bookmarks:
- 314
- Hits:
- 47,291
Bookmarked by sammielulz
13 Jan 2026
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Summary
Just breathe, dude.
I'm not Cartman.
((AKA- After growing up leaves the two all but physically separated, Kyle and Stan finally find something they can share with each other to feel normal again.))
Series
- Part 1 of Three Sides
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Summary
The epitome of apathy, Craig Tucker has never been anything but nonchalant when it comes to his life and other related catastrophes. As long as he's not missing his favourite tv show or being hassled into another one of his classmates' ill-advised schemes, the boy truly doesn't care. Why should he? He's almost halfway through his Junior year at South Park High, which he's already figured out means he's only trapped there for another year and a half.
Yet, there's only so far flying under the radar can get you, and unless he can get his grades up before the end of the school year, he won't be graduating with the rest of his class.Luckily, there's a blonde-haired recluse who might be able to help him - in more ways than he'd hoped.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 136,649
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Comments:
- 1,899
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- 9,246
- Bookmarks:
- 1,792
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- 244,083
Bookmarked by sammielulz
13 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
i wish i could get this entire fic tattooed on my body

