steviejay19



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  1. Public Bookmark 32

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    Summary

    it's simple: it isn't over, it's just begun. it's green. it's still green. --richard siken

    or: Ilya is still a hockey player. Shane isn't, and hasn't been in years.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,944
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    32
    Kudos:
    140
    Bookmarks:
    32
    Hits:
    1,958

    25 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Buck’s jaw clenches. “This isn’t you.”

    Eddie’s smile turns mean, borderline unrecognizable even to himself. Buck is right, this isn’t him. It doesn’t even sound like his voice. But he’s exhausted. He’s hurt. And he’s done pretending there’s a way out of this that doesn’t involve blood in the water—they’re too far gone for that.

    This wasn’t the plan, but he doesn’t pull back from the fight. He doubles down, clinging to the belief that devastation is better than emptiness, that being hated is better than being erased.

    “Funny,” Eddie says softly. “Is that what you tell yourself when you fuck anyone who’ll have you? That it doesn’t mean anything? That it’s easier than admitting you’re trying not to think about me?”

    Or,
    Eddie figures his shit out. Eventually.
    An Eddie Diaz character study, if you will.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,015
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    82
    Kudos:
    856
    Bookmarks:
    155
    Hits:
    10,375

    20 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Sequel to Breathing Room

    Ilya Rozanov has spent five years holding Shane Hollander at arm’s length - not because he didn’t love him, but because he loved him too much to ask him to risk everything for something that could fall apart. He was good at that: the careful distance, the walls that looked like indifference, the way he’d learned to be close without being close. He’d had a lot of practice.

    What he didn’t have practice for was what came after he was done lying to himself. He didn’t have practice for this - for something warm and bright and absolutely terrifying. Something that fits in the spaces between games and cities and the distance between Boston and Raleigh. Something that makes Ilya think, for the first time in a long time, that maybe the risk is worth it.

    He just needs to figure out what to do with it all before their careers swallow them whole

    He doesn’t get the chance to think about it for very long.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    126,929
    Chapters:
    9/11
    Comments:
    63
    Kudos:
    372
    Bookmarks:
    133
    Hits:
    12,195

    01 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “Come on, Eddie,” Buck groans, “You may hide it well, but I know you don’t like Tommy.”

    Eddie wants to open his mouth and start telling Buck he is wrong. Wants to explain that Buck has it all twisted. But, Buck doesn’t have it wrong. He has it exactly spot on.

    Eddie envies Tommy. He has Buck. He has him and keeps letting him down.

    All Eddie can think about in these moments is how much better Eddie could treat Buck. How Eddie could protect him better, love him better, appreciate him better. And in the dark of his room, blanketed in the cover of night: how much better he could pleasure Buck.

    That last one was a recent addition to the list of things Eddie was sure he could do better than Tommy. It was one of the handful of things he kept locked in the deepest, darkest parts of his soul, only to emerge in the heat of the moment before being shoved back down in shame.

    At Eddie’s silence, Buck lets out a frustrated sigh that snaps Eddie back into focus and the present situation.

    5 times Tommy doesn’t show up for Buck so Eddie does instead, +1 time that Eddie made it clear to Buck that he wanted to be by his side for the rest of their lives.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,102
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    852
    Bookmarks:
    204
    Hits:
    10,474

    11 May 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    (summary and tags contain SPOILERS for earlier works in the series!)

    Shane and Ilya are champions. They are partners, and they’re in it for life. And people are starting to notice.

    After being traumatically outed two years ago, Shane and Ilya's relationship and their lives have been fundamentally changed, and most days, Shane thinks that's a good thing. But sometimes, the pressure of being out, and the endless online speculation about #hollanov, and rumors running rampant through the NHL, and a new generation of rookies looking up to them, and the knowledge that everyone is relying on Shane Hollander to be perfect at all times—sometimes it's a lot.

    But Shane's dealing with it. Ilya seems happier than he's ever been, and Shane just needs to get his act together to support his husband. He can do that. He needs to, and he will, if he doesn't crack under the pressure first.

    They've got a second Stanley Cup to win, after all.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    112,401
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    3,251
    Kudos:
    6,892
    Bookmarks:
    1,485
    Hits:
    216,371

    10 May 2026