temperanceee
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Summary
Turns out, it’s not heart disease that gets you. Not a car crash, the second coming, or even a plain old slip in the shower that removes you from this mortal coil.
It’s motherfucking aliens.
Your Uncle Randy would be so proud.
Or: two losers cheat, stab, and flirt their way to a win.
Series
- Part 1 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 157,727
- Chapters:
- 72/72
- Comments:
- 2,668
- Kudos:
- 4,245
- Bookmarks:
- 717
- Hits:
- 119,823
Bookmarked by temperanceee
05 Aug 2024
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Summary
It hits you right as he says, “No need to bleed by yourself, my love.”
Your jaw drops. You stare at him, in his words, all agog. “You… are you saying…?”
“Offering my companionship during your trying times? Yes, I believe I am. You smell delicious, Eleanor. I’ve been thinking about devouring you all day.”
No mistake as his gaze slides down to the extra padding beneath your trousers. Or the way his pupils eclipse the red irises.
Or: Aunt Flo comes to visit. Astarion is delighted to make her acquaintance.
Series
- Part 9 of these two shitheads
Bookmarked by temperanceee
25 Apr 2024
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I will never deserve you, but stay anyways by joy_no_killjoy
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
21 Jan 2024
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Summary
Spoilers for BG3 ahead!
It's been 30 years since Xalena and her companions saved Faerun from the Elder Brain. It's also been 30 years since Astarion completed Cazador's ritual and became an Ascendant Vampire. After refusing to become his spawn, Xalena and Astarion part ways. But the hero of Faerun has been captured in a moment of weakness by flesh traders. Before death comes knocking at her door, she gets saved by someone she least expects: Astarion the Governor of Baldur's Gate, and the resident Ascendant Vampire himself. As Xalena recovers from her near-death experience, she notices Astarion isn't quite the bloodthirsty tyrant she assumed he would become. Is it possible that the man she used to love is still there? A dangerous thought for a dangerous man.
Basically, a second-chance romance where Astarion finds a way to experience emotion like his former self but he is still an Ascendant Vampire. Get ready for angst and healing with a happy ending! Using the Tav from my game who is a Half-Drow Druid because I'm self-indulgent :)
Smut starts on Chapter 13. Tags are in the chapter description.
Now with bonus chapter smut (Chapter 18)!- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 72,942
- Chapters:
- 18/18
- Comments:
- 118
- Kudos:
- 1,212
- Bookmarks:
- 280
- Hits:
- 39,355
Bookmarked by temperanceee
13 Apr 2024
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Summary
What was supposed to be just a normal day frog hunting had ended with you slipping on the wet muck surrounding the edge of the lake and unfortunately dragging Sebastian down with you. Now you were both covered in mud and rather cold, but Sebastian was nice enough to offer for you use the shower first.
Or: the one where you and Sebastian get dirty together AND clean together ;)
Bookmarked by temperanceee
12 Apr 2024
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Summary
“You still gonna be a jackass to our friends instead of just asking me to pleasure you?” you say.
He swallows. His adam’s apple bobs. “If this is my reward, absolutely.”
He can’t see you smile at this angle. He can feel your grip leave his cock to slide your fingers through his hair before you grab. Still slow, still steady, giving him plenty of opportunity to stop you.
He don’t. He lets you pull his head back, bare his throat, and only whimpers and shivers against you.
Or: Astarion is terrible about communicating what he wants. But Eleanor is getting good at translating gremlin.
Series
- Part 8 of these two shitheads
Bookmarked by temperanceee
09 Apr 2024