Chapter Text
WE DON’T TALK ANYMORE
We don't talk anymore, we don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore, like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do
ISAK'S POV
Isak couldn't pinpoint when it had happen. He just knew it was happening. It wasn't an exact moment where it had started. It had built up over time. Slowly at first, than faster and faster.
It had begun will a feeling. Small. A nagging pit, buried deep inside him. And then i grew. Larger and larger. And one day, he couldn't ignore it anymore. He knew it. He felt it.
He had fallen out of love with Even.
And no matter how much he tried to ignore it, tried to work on the why and when and tried to give it time, wait for it to fix itself, it didn’t. It only grew larger and harder and worse.
They hadn't talked about it. But he could sense that Even felt it too. The distance between them. The lack of closeness. The lengths between kisses and hugs and sex.
They never sat down and talked anymore. When they ate dinner, it was in silence. When they watched TV, it was in silence. When they went to bed, it was in silence.
In the beginning, when they first moved in together and started working, they had alternated between driving each other to work. Now they just went in separate cars.
Isak worked in a hospital as cardio surgeon. Even worked in the military. He had tried to get into different schools, to get a degree in producing movies, but his attendance at school made them reject him. His medical reason for spotty attendance wasn't good enough. He didn't get in.
But the military let him in, and he worked as a kings guard, so instead of having to travel to war, he patrolled around the castle in Oslo. Some days he reached the younger recruits. A few weekends he went on trips around the country with the younger recruits. Some days it got boring, most days he was fine with it. Or so he said to Isak, at least.
They hadn't spoken about it in a while. Isak couldn't remember the last time they talked about either of their jobs. They used to share things every day, stuff that had happened at work, funny stuff, annoying stuff.
They had stopped going out to dates. They used to go out for dinner at least two times a week. Meet for lunch the days they could. No they never met each other any other place than home. When they joined their friends for parties, they didn't stick close to each other. Their friends either didn't notice or chose not to comment on it.
At one point, before everything started going downwards, Isak genuinely believed that Even might propose to him. They were 25 and 27 years old now. It was time to either move forwards or call it quits.
But Isak was too cowardly. He couldn't handle the conflict and discussion that would follow, if he decided to talk with Even about this. So he just kept it to himself, and continued day by day, without trying to make a change.
I just heard you found the one you've been looking
You've been looking for
I wish I would have known that wasn't me
Cause even after all this time I still wonder
Why I can't move on
Just the way you did so easily
He knew Even had cheated on him. At least once, probably several times. He never confronted the older boy. He decided it wasn't worth the argument. It wasn't worth losing Even over.
He tried to just ‘get even’ and sleep with someone else. It didn't make him feel any better. It made him feel so much worse. And he wasn't sure Even ever found out anyways. So it didn't matter.
They just continued their daily routine of existing together, being in a relationship without really being in a relationship.
Isak missed the early days. The days where Even talked to him about everything. The days were Even had all these ideas to share with him. The days Even talked about the future. About marriage and kids and a house and a dog. The days they went out in the middle of the night to watch the stars or just got in a car and drove around forever.
Now a days Even didn't even talk to him.
Their communication was mostly through text these days.
FROM EVEN TO ISAK
Could you buy milk?
FROM ISAK
Ok
-
FROM ISAK TO EVEN
Emergency patient, will be late for dinner.
FROM EVEN TO ISAK
Ok
-
FROM EVEN TO ISAK
Going out with the boys from work today. Will be home late
FROM ISAK TO EVEN
Ok
-
FROM ISAK TO EVEN
Party at Jonas’ tonight
FROM EVEN TO ISAK
Can’t make it, promised to grab a beer with the boys
FROM ISAK TO EVEN
Ok
-
And that was the mostly they communicated except the regular “Hello, Goodbye, Can you pass the salt, Can you cook tonight, Someone needs to to the laundry”.
Don't wanna know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight
If he's holding onto you so tight
The way I did before
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame
One day, they just stopped going to parties together. Even didn't invite Isak to join him. Isak didn't invite Even to join him. They just went separate ways, without informing the other.
Isak knew Even probably slept with other people every weekend now. He didn't know if it was girls or boys. He didn't know if it even bothered him.
He couldn't even remember the last time they had sex. He wasn't sure he cared.
That we don't talk anymore, we don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore, like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do
Isak had lost his mother two years prior. It had been his last year of medical school. He nearly flunked, ending up depressed after his mother died. He spends days and weeks in bed, crying and sleeping. Even quietly took care of him, just like Isak always took care of Even when he had an episode.
This was right before they had stopped being Isak and Even. Before they had fallen apart, before the distance had started to build.
And Even helped him. He really did. And Isak really tried to go back to normal. But he couldn’t. It had changed him. He had changed. He didn't enjoy the world anymore. Antidepressants did nothing for him so he quit those. He figured it was just the way it worked; when you lose a loved one the world looses colour. And maybe that was the reason for him and Even slowly growing apart.
I just hope you're lying next to somebody
Who knows how to love you like me
There must be a good reason that you're gone
Every now and then I think you
Might want me to come show up at your door
But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong
Some nights Even didn't come home from a these parties. Whenever he came home he smelled different. Either perfume or cologne. Smells Isak didn't recognise. He also smelled like weed and beer. Isak knew it wasn't good for Even. He had however stopped meddling. It was up to Even. Even could control his life on his own.
And so could Isak.
Isak often ate lunch with Eva and Jonas. They had found their way back to each other right after high school ended. Now they had been married for three years and had a daughter. She was named Silje.
They never asked him about Even anymore. In the beginning they had. But for every avoiding answer they got, their questions grew further and further apart.
They could probably see it as well. They knew. Everyone knew. But Isak was too cowardly to do something about the situation. So he just kept going like usual. Not saying anything.
Don't wanna know
If you're looking into her eyes
If she's holding onto you so tight the way I did before
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame
He knew Even still talked with Sonja. They were probably hooking up. He had caught glimpse of Even’s phone every now and again, seeing that the girl had sent him messages. But Even had set his phone settings so there were no “preview” of the text. The screen only said:
Sonja
Text Message (3)
Sonja
Missed Call (2)
Snapchat
from Sonja
Isak put the phone back down, hearing the shower turn off. He got out of bed, found clean clothes and walked towards the bathroom, entering as Even exited. They didn't even look at each other. Just like everything else, this was part of their routine.
When he came out of the bathroom, fully dressed, he met Even in the kitchen, were they quietly ate breakfast. Even was dressed in camouflage uniform today, which meant he was either called out on a mission or he was teaching younger recruits. Probably the latter. Nothing ever happened in Norway.
And Isak didn't bother to ask. They walked down to the garage under the apartment building together, said a quick “Bye” and got in their separate cars.
That we don't talk anymore (We don't, we don't)
We don't talk anymore (We don't, we don't)
We don't talk anymore, like we used to do
We don't love anymore (We don't, we don't)
What was all of it for? (We don't, we don't)
Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do
Like we used to do
With the tension building up at home, the hospital became more of a home to Isak. If he got asked to take double shifts or work extra hours, he always accepted. Something that resulted in him having quite a lot of extra money now, since he barely spent any and worked a lot.
He and Even had separate bank accounts. He only knew approximately how much Even made per month. They had bought the apartment together and split all the bills. Electricity, water, rent and so on. Phone bills, car related bills and such they paid for separately. They just alternated between going to the store and buy groceries. Some months Isak did it more often, some months Even did. It worked out. But Isak never tried to meddle if Even bought stuff or went on trips or went out. He never tried to control him.
But Isak would be lying if he didn't say the situation depressed him. He hated having ended up like this. He often thought about the earlier days, when things had been good. He held onto those memories. And he held onto the hope of someday getting back to that point.
But it was probably a fairytale that would never come true. He and Even were over. They just had to admit it to each other.
Don't wanna know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight
If he's giving it to you just right
The way I did before
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame
At one time, Isak had been convinced that Even didn't really love him. Thanks to Sonja and a manic episode. Then Even had convinced him otherwise, for years. But had it been true? he thought, as he parked his car and walked into the hospital.
Had it all been a game to Even? Had Isak just been a plaything, someone to have fun with for a while, and was now boring to him?
Isak knew he couldn't blame the entire situation on Even; he himself didn't feel much love for his partner anymore.
But was it because Isak had fallen out of love with Even first, or was it because he had noticed Even falling out of love with him? He wasn't sure.
He went up to the locker room, changed and got paged a minute after his shift started. A little girl with a broken arm. Break looked clean, so she just needed a cast.
“Can’t one of the students handle this?” Isak asked he nurse who handed him the chart.
“We have none on call right now. Half are out with the flue, along with halt of the nurses, the other half isn't scheduled to start their shifts until noon today. I can wait for another doctor, but she’s so young and I figured the quicker she got treated, the better.” she looked apologetic, and a little desperate. He understood. Kids and waiting didn't go along very well, and they were low on med-students and nurses today.
“It’s fine. I don’t have any surgeries scheduled today and all my patients are stable.” he said, pated the nurse on the shoulder and wait out to the waiting room outside the x-ray room. Isak found the girl and her parents, and asked them to accompany him to a treatment room.
That we don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore, like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do
His pager beeped. Lockdown. He frowned. That never happened. It had never, in his six years as both a student and employ in this hospital, been a lockdown.
“What’s wrong?” did the mother of the girl he was currently putting a cast on ask him.
“Nothing, I hope. Just a weird page. Probably technical error.” he lied easily.
He didn't have much left to do here, so he had to come up with a reason for holding them inside this room. Lockdown meant that they were to lock all the doors and remain where they were. It was probably a drill or a malfunction in the system. He walked over to the door and locked it anyway. Just in case.
“If nothing’s wrong, why did you lock the door?” the father of the child asked.
“The page said lockdown. Like I said, it might be a malfunction, but the procedure is to lock doors and stay where we are.”
“Lockdown? Why would they have a lockdown?” the mother was panicking now.
Isak put a hand on her shoulder carefully. “I don’t know. I will try to find out, okay? I just have to finish putting on your daughter’s cast, and then I’ll call one of my coworkers.”
And then, he did just that. He tried to keep the mood up by talking with the child, explaining the process and trying to make him smile. He could see the parents growing more and more anxious. The father appeared to be checking his phone, probably trying to find out what lockdown meant.
Just as Isak finished up, he spoke. “It says that lockdown means you either have a patient out of control or… or a terrorist attack.”
Isak felt himself go pale. At the mentioning of it, he remembered reading about it. “I’ll make a call.” he answered weakly.
Pulling out his phone, hands shaking, he had received multiple texts.
FROM JONAH TO ISAK
LOCKDOWN - SHOOTER IN HOSPITAL
FROM ANNA TO ISAK
ISAK THERE IS A SHOOTER, POSSIBLY MULTIPLE SHOOTERS IN THE HOSPITAL, PLEASE TELL ME YOU LOCKED THE DOOR?
FROM ANDREAS TO ISAK
SHOOTERS IN THE HOSPITAL, 15 DEAD ALREADY, STAY BEHIND A LOCKED DOOR
FROM LUKE TO ISAK
STAY WHERE YOU ARE, LOCK THE DOORS, WE HAVE SHOOTERS IN THE HOSPITAL. LOOKS LIKE THEY’RE AFTER SURGEONS AND NURSES ONLY. STAY HIDDEN.
Jonah and Andreas were two of his coworkers. Jonah was a neurosurgeon and Andreas was a cardio-surgeon like himself. Anna was the nurse he spoke to earlier. At least he though she was. Luke was his boss. Isak liked the other man, not in an attraction kind of way, but he was kind and fair and a good leader.
He was about to put his phone away when it vibrated again. It was a text from Even. He frowned, and debated a second to just ignore it. But something inside him told him to check it.
FROM EVEN TO ISAK
We’re called out on a code black to your hospital. There’s multiple shooters in your hospital. Please tell me you're safe? We’re on site in 2.
Isak couldn't believe it. It was the first time Even had shown any signs of caring about him at all for the past years or so. Should he respond? He quickly thought about it. If Even really was worried about him, Isak knew it would affect Even’s ability to work. He quickly texted back.
FROM ISAK TO EVEN
Safe. In examine room with underaged patient. Door is locked.
FROM EVEN TO ISAK
Good. Please stay there.
“So? You found out why there is a lockdown?” the child’s father asked.
Isak eyed the door, which had a small window in it. “Please get over to this side of the room and sit down in the corner where you can’t be seen from the window. There’s multiple gunmen in the hospital.
“What?” the man demanded as his wife let out a small shriek. He got to his feet and started to drag his wife over to the corner where Isak pointed. Their kid sat down with them.
“I don’t know any more than that.” Isak answered, feeling his voice breaking.
—
It was quiet for a while, aside from the child’s mother’s crying. Then there was a shot. And another one. And Isak suddenly remembered something. “Your phones. Put them on silent!” he urged.
They all did. Isak kept looking at his phone, waiting for another update. They could hear steps outside the door. Someone tried to open the door. The husband had to put his hand over his wife’s mouth. Isak held the little girl’s hand.
The person trying to get in gave up and moved on. Isak’s phone buzzed again.
FROM LUKE TO ISAK
What floor are you on?
FROM ISAK TO LUKE
Third. Why?
He had a feeling something was up. His boss wouldn't have asked that if there wasn’t. Isak suddenly wished Even was there. They had ignored each other for a year, but now he found himself longing for his boyfriend. His boyfriend who was allowed to carry and fire a gun. His boyfriend who could protect him.
FROM LUKE TO ISAK
Are you close to OR 5?
Isak frowned. He knew where this was heading. He was going to have to leave this room. And he might die in the process. He looked at the scared family in front of him. Imagined how he would feel if it was his partner and child in a situation like this. It was so horrible he had to shake his head a little.
FROM ISAK TO LUKE
Yes. What’s going on?
FROM LUKE TO ISAK
GSW to the chest. You're the only surgical attending on the floor. I can’t get there. I know this is highly unfair to ask you, to take this risk, but can you? Can you get to OR 5 and save the person in there? It’s one of our own. The residents can’t handle it. He will die unless a cardio-surgeon get there.
FROM ISAK TO LUKE
Who? Who is it?
FROM LUKE TO ISAK
Jonah. Can you save him?
Isak drew a sharp breath. Jonah. Why did it have to be Jonah? He had signed an oath to save lives. Not risk his. The only attending on the floor. He had to go. He knew, he just had to. He looked at the people next to him. The family. He didn't have that. He had a druken father and a dead mother and a boyfriend who hadn't loved him in a year. He didn't have anything to lose but his chance to live.
Isak wanted to live. He did. But he also wanted the person on the table in OR 5, his coworker and friend Jonah, to survive this day. So he made up his mind.
FROM ISAK TO LUKE
I will try.
“I need to leave you.” he said, standing up, tucking his phone into his pocket.
“No, you said lockdown!” the man protested.
“I am the only surgeon on this floor. They need me to save someones life in a room not far from here. You have to lock the door behind me as soon as I leave.”
“But it’s not safe!” The woman protested.
“No it’s not. But I need to do it. There’s no one else.” Isak said, walking over to the door, peeking out. The hallway looked clear. “Okay. I will leave now and you have to lock the door behind me. Got it?”
The man nodded, got to his feet, and walked over to Isak. Isak unlocked the door, went out into the hallway and closed it behind him. As soon he closed it, he heard the lock turn. And he started walking. The hallway were completely empty.
He was nearly at the door of OR 5 when he heard shots again. It was impossible to know whether it was the terrorists or the military. Terrorists. In Oslo. In a freakin' hospital. It was absurd. Isak knocked on the OR door. A nurse pulled away the towel they had used to block the window, and looked at him. Seconds laster he was inside the OR.
The person on the table was indeed Jonah. Isak cursed. “Status?” He almost yelled as he walked over to the adjoined room to scrub his hands and pull on a sterile gown.
It was bad. He had never operated on a gun shot wound to the chest. He had chosen cardio as a speciality. But he had never removed a bullet from a heart. He lived in Norway. This kind of stuff simply didn't happen here.
—
Mid surgery there was banging on the door. Someone shot a few rounds in the door. The nurses screamed. Isak stayed quiet, kept working. Blocked it all out. He could hear someone entering the room. “Stop saving him.” a deep voice told him. He could feel something hard, probably a gun, pushed against the back of his head.
Isak ignored it. He blocked it all out. Concentrated on stopping the bleeding, sawing Jonah.
“Stop saving him or I will shoot you too.”
Isak kept working. He had gotten the bullet out, now he just had to get the bleeding under control so Jonah wouldn't bleed out on the table. “Hang another unit of O-neg.” he told the nurse, who shakily did.
“I SAID STOP!” the man behind him yelled.
Isak ignored him. He knew that if he stopped now, Jonah would die. So he kept going. He had to keep going. He was so scared, because he knew he would probably be shot no matter what at this point. And he would rather go down while his mind were occupied with the one thing he knew and loved; saving lives.
“I’m going to count to three, and then I WILL shoot you.”
Isak closed his eyes for a minute, drew a deep breath, and continued. If what Luke had told him earlier was true, he was dead no matter what at this point. Three seconds would be enough to stitch up the artery so that Jonah would survive until someone else came and finished the job.
Or they would both be shot in here, right now.
Anyway, Isak kept working. He had never felt like this in his whole life. On one hand, the constant fog that had been surrounding him for two years now was still there. But he longed for Even now. He longed for his boyfriend. Not only for Even to save him, but to at least say goodbye. Tell him he loved him. Tell him he was sorry for how fucked up things got between them.
“One..”
He was almost done. Just one more stitch. He held his breath. He hoped he would feel no pain. He hoped it would be over quick.
He wished he had stayed in that examine room. With those parents and their little girl. He wished he had called in sick today.
But the again, who would have been here to save Jonah then? No-one.
The stitches appeared to be holding so Isak secretly cut the wires that monitored Jonah’s vitals, without anyone seeing, to make it look like he was flatlining. Giving Jonah a chance to survive.
“Two…”
And then there was a loud gunshot.
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame
That we don't talk anymore