Work Text:
If Barba were in this position he’d have handled it way better. Because he’s a badass. Barba is a badass, and a regular ass, and just in general way more confident than Sonny can ever hope to be.
So if Olivia Benson had said to Rafael Barba “Since when is Carisi ‘Sonny’ to you?” he’d have done something smooth, and official, in a way that proved he doesn’t give a fuck --like spontaneously produce Sonny’s disclosure form and present it, wordlessly, to Olivia.
Or maybe they’d be in her office and he’d say “Since this.” And slam the document on her desk and walk out.
Or just something.
But not Sonny.
Sonny has had that disclosure form in his desk for a month. Barba already filed his, and luckily the DAs office and the NYPD can actually be kind of poor at communicating about certain things, so it hasn’t bitten him in the ass.
Yet.
So now he should do something badass, like hand in that goddamn form before it collects dust. But instead, when Olivia questions his slip up --of ‘Rafael’, not ‘Rafi’, thank god—he just says, “What like you only call him Barba?” and brushes it off.
He knows it’s stupid.
And it’s especially dumb because now Liv probably sees it as some sort of sad obsession, like he’s going around calling co-workers by their first names behind their backs out of desperation to feel closer to them. She probably thinks Sonny has some sort of puppy-dog crush on Barba.
And okay, he DID, but now it’s reciprocated, so that has to count for something. But she doesn’t know that.
Rafael really wants her to know that.
He didn’t pressure Sonny into filling out the disclosure form, and he didn’t threaten to tell Liv before Sonny was ready. He just…
He wants his friend to know about his life.
Sonny understands that. He does. But at the same time, he just can’t do it.
He needs to call Rafael.
“You want me to do it for you?” Rafi asks, after Sonny rants about his problem like a teenager with a bad grade. He’s home, and relaxed, which is nice, but Sonny still knows it’s a longshot asking.
“It makes more sense, you and the Lieu are friends, it kills two birds with one stone y’know?”
Rafael hums, his tone noncommittal, “And what do we kill the professional-communication-in-the-workplace bird with?”
“Uhhhh” Sonny doesn’t have a good answer for that one.
Rafael gives in, impatient, “I’ll compromise. You tell Liv you want to talk to her at the end of your shift and I’ll stop by and… sit in. IF you really need that.”
Sonny sighs into his phone “I do, I don’t know why, but I do. It’s not you, I’m so happy to have you… It’s just…”
“It’s okay, Sonny.” He doesn’t say he understands. Because he doesn’t, not really, he’s never been pushed out of a job because he’s gay. He’s defiantly forced his way into his career, but he’s never earned a position before only to have it unlawfully taken away. But Sonny appreciates the sentiment. And it’s Olivia Benson. She’s not going to be like the others.
“Thank you.”
And that’s how they end up in Olivia’s office, two hours later. Rafael is sitting in a chair in the corner typing on his blackberry looking entirely uninterested, and just that makes Sonny feel so much better. He’s been there for the past 20 minutes, just chatting with Olivia, but, as planned, makes no move to leave when Sonny arrives and sits down.
Olivia, rightfully, seems confused, “you sitting in on meetings with my detectives now, Barba?”
“Just this one,” he answers, curt, formal. It’s so fucking cute.
Yeah this is definitely going to be worth it.
“Yeah, uh Lieu, I got something for you,” he says nervously, and he slides over the files. Now that his hands are empty it’s hard for him not to play with his tie or fiddle with something off of Olivia’s desk.
Olivia leafs through the pages and Sonny feels Barba move to stand behind his chair.
“Is this…?” She asks, and Sonny uses his nervous energy to answer, a bit eagerly,
“It’s uh an updated emergency contact form, a disclosure form, and uh… well, a file stating a change of address.”
Olivia just stares at the files, “Wow,” then she seems to realize that her detective in front of her is a nervous mess and probably deserves a better response. “I didn’t know it was so serious.”
And even though it was Sonny who was so nervous to tell her, and it was Sonny who forced it to be a secret for so long, Rafael is the one who seems appalled by that answer.
“Wait, you knew?”
And, as Olivia only ever seems to do with Barba, she goes for the sass “I’d like to think you know me better than to assume I hadn’t figured it out.”
And yeah, Sonny isn’t surprised because she’s a great detective and definitely his biggest (cop) mentor, but it’s still sort of flattering to know that it wasn’t just his attraction that was obvious.
“You’ve been a lot happier recently, Barba,” she adds.
And then, as if Sonny’s heart hasn’t swelled enough, he feels Rafael’s hand briefly on his shoulder, and the lawyer says “I have” with a wistful smile Sonny can hear.
“So, you’re moving in together? That’s a big step…”
“We, actually already have,” Sonny admits, again feeling unsure, “I was a bit late with the paperwork, and I know technically its bad form to keep an outdated address I just..”
“Sonny,” Olivia cuts in “its fine. I’m happy for you.”
Sonny can feel himself relax, and Rafael puts a warm hand on his shoulder, squeezing once soothingly.
Olivia turns her gaze to Rafael and Sonny knows it’s time to talk semantics. He really isn’t looking forward to it, he’d rather keep Rafael as a partner than as a co-worker, but Rafael loves working with SVU and Sonny can’t imagine working with a different prosecutor.
Rafael lays down his offer like he’s negotiating a plea deal, “the DA is okay with me remaining at SVU. I will avoid putting Sonny on the stand if another detective knows the case just as well, and the two of us will only behave professionally while in work settings.”
Olivia nods, “Okay.”
“Okay?” Sonny asks, Rafael stays composed but he’s likely surprised as well.
She shrugs, “That’s what you’ve been doing so far and it’s working well. Just don’t screw it up.”
~*~
When they leave Olivia’s office Fin and Amanda are lingering around. When Sonny had gone in for the meeting they were packing up to leave, but it turns out they’re both too nosy to leave it be.
“Heading out?” Rollins asks when Sonny grabs his jacket and bag without a word.
“Uh yeah,” Sonny says, and Rafael starts leading him out with a gentle guiding hand at the small of his back, “See you tomorrow” he calls out looking behind him.
Fin and Rollins have twin expressions of mild shock.
“Are they surprised?” Rafael asks with a whisper, leaning in close to Sonny.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” He says, with self-satisfaction, “I’m glad we were good enough to fool at least SOME of them.”
Sonny laughs “You’re not going to get over the fact that Liv found us out are you?”
Rafael hums in disinterest. “I’m already over it,” he lies.
They aren’t out of the building yet but they’re both off duty so Sonny places a happy loving kiss to Rafael’s cheek.
He doesn’t regret a thing.