Archive of Our Own

I hate how I look. I can't see how anyone would ever find me attractive. I'm nothing special, I haven't got 'perfect' skin or muscles or abs. There's not a single thing I like about my appearance. I wish I could look like someone else, even if it's just for one day :(

Once Louis had stopped typing, he looked over the words then let out a deep sigh, feeling his chest tighten and tears sting the corners of his eyes. He hardly ever made personal posts on his blog, most of the time he kept his thoughts inside of his head and instead reblogged pictures of whatever he found amusing. Even though he knew it was unlikely that someone would read it and care enough to reach out to him, it was comforting to be able to get out how he felt.

Adding tags in relation to his statement, Louis lifted his hand to rub his eye as he pressed post, displaying his thoughts on his blog for his small number of followers to see. He sighed again when he saw it on his dashboard, his eyes staring back at the screen of his laptop that was resting on his knees.

He tipped his head back and leant against the headboard of his bed with his eyes now staring at the far wall of his bedroom. He felt an emptiness inside of him as he thought of the words he had written, the words that had been on his mind for so long, so loud and clear that he couldn't focus on anything else. It was a constant reminder inside of his head, telling him that he looked a mess, or didn't look good enough compared to other boys his age.

He felt intimidated whenever he went on a night out with his friends, when he should be drinking and having a good time he'd instead be worrying about what others around him think of how he looks. His self confidence always lowered whenever he'd be with Zayn, who worked out to tone his body and wore black skinny jeans and tshirts that displayed his firm muscles. He hated comparing himself to his best friend, but he couldn't help how he'd pick out flaws of his own body and hold them against the qualities of Zayn's.

It was something Louis focused on every day. He hated the disappointed feeling he got inside of his stomach whenever he looked in a mirror, and the sadness spread around his heart whenever he tried on new clothes and found they didn't look as good on him as they would on anybody else. His negative thoughts remained in his head at any point of the day, and no matter what he did to distract himself or make himself feel better, he always stayed so low, sometimes letting tears fall down his cheeks when he lay in bed at night.

Looking back to his laptop screen, Louis moved his finger on the mousepad to refresh the page. He felt his stomach flip with nerves and surprise when he noticed the little red speech bubble, with a number 1 inside, above the envelope at the top of his dashboard. He moved his finger on the pad to click on the envelope, having curiosity and wonder fill his mind.

Once the page had loaded, Louis saw the new message displayed in a white box. He glanced to the side of the box to the small icon of the sender, seeing a boy dressed in a black top with his head down and his hands together in front of his chest. He could see formed muscles in the boy's arms, as well as the black tattoos that covered them. His eyes slowly moved away from the icon to start reading the message that had been sent.

Hi. Hope you don't mind me doing this but I just saw your post and I wanted to send you a message. I'm sorry that you feel that way about yourself, though I'm certain you have no reason to hate how you look. Be proud of who you are and never compare yourself to other people. If you ever need someone to talk to then I'm here. H .x

Louis read the message a third time before he blinked and looked away, having not at all expected to have any response from his post, especially not one that's so kind and caring. He glanced down at the keyboard and placed his hands above the letters, not really sure how he should reply. He thought up different sentences in his head, wanting to show just how grateful he was, then he clicked to reply to the message and began typing.

Hello. Thank you for sending this, and for being so kind to me. I really appreciate that. I'm grateful for what you've said, I just wish I had the confidence to be ok with my body because right now I'm not. I'm trying to deal with it all but sometimes it's just too hard. Thanks again, this means a lot to me and you're lovely.

Louis read through what he had typed before he privately answered the message. He felt another nervous flip inside of his stomach when he clicked back to the dashboard, half hoping he hadn't pushed the sender away with his reply. He didn't want to become attached or expect anything from it, but to have someone speak out to Louis about his biggest insecurity made him want more.

He waited a while longer before he refreshed the page again, not expecting to have another message so quickly. His finger darted across the pad to click open the envelope where he found another message from the same user, making his stomach fill with warmth.

I'm only being honest with you. Nobody should feel like they need to look any different, including you. Sometimes it's not confidence that's important; it's about accepting how you look and loving any flaws you think you have. I understand that it's hard for you at times, though now you have me to turn to whenever it becomes too difficult :) I'm Harry, by the way. H .x ps I followed you, hope that's ok!

A small smile found its way on Louis' face as he read to the end of the message, now having a name for the sender. He still felt surprised that someone had taken the time to speak to him and continued to be so kind even though they hadn't spoke before. He kept his smile in place while he clicked to open Harry's blog in another tab.

Louis moved his finger on the pad to click the follow button in the top corner, then he lowered the cursor to slowly scroll down the page. His eyes travelled over the different posts mostly showing pictures of outside scenery, film stills, and lyric typography. He moved the cursor to the left hand side where links were shown below the small description of a quote that Louis hadn't before heard.

He clicked on the link that said About, wanting to know more about the boy who had been so kind to him. His eyes moved across the page that loaded up, showing a picture of Harry with his head up and his eyes to the camera, and a wide grin on his face. Louis' smile only grew from looking at the picture, feeling the warmth spread inside of his stomach as he stared back at the happiness in Harry's eyes.

He read through the small paragraph of writing beneath the picture, allowing him to know more about Harry. He learnt of his age, 19, and that he lived in Holmes Chapel with his family. He also read that Harry likes long walks, slippers and anything cinnamon scented.

The warmth inside of Louis' stomach remained as he looked back up at the picture of Harry. His eyes trailed over his toned arms and his visible tattoos, then he looked at the wide smile on his face, and any trace of envy over Harry's body and clear good looks seemed to be replaced with a longing to want to know much more about Harry.

Closing the new tab, Louis focused back to the first where Harry's message was displayed. He clicked to reply to the message then began to type, having the image of Harry smiling wide inside of his head.

I really want to accept it and learn to love myself but I just don't know how. Thank you for all of this, I'm blown away by your wisdom and charm! Of course it's ok, I followed you back :) my name's Louis. Nice to meet you.

Once the message had been answered, Louis clicked back to the dashboard, still with a smile on his face. He aimlessly scrolled through various posts with his mind focused on Harry and so many questions about the boy he didn't know. He wondered what Harry was currently doing, if he studied or had a job, wondered what his voice sounded like and how tall he was.

With the many questions inside of his head, Louis scrolled back to the top then refreshed the page. He smiled wider when he saw another red speech bubble above the envelope, not used to seeing it appear so much. He clicked on the envelope, finding another message from Harry.

In time you will, you'll find it easier to deal with and it won't be so much of an issue for you. Haha, well thanks :) I'm glad my charm hasn't gone unnoticed! That's a really lovely name :) rolls off the tongue. It's great to meet you, Louis :) H .x

Louis' smile remained in place as he typed a message in return, feeling at ease and comforted talking to Harry. He sent his reply then clicked back to his dashboard to scroll through the new posts, waiting for Harry to send something back.

Lifting this hand up to his mouth while a yawn escaped through his lips, Louis refreshed the page to find another message waiting for him. He smiled again as he read through it and answered with a reply of his own, feeling relaxed and content just by talking to Harry. He privately answered with his reply then moved back to the dashboard to see more posts that interested him while he waited for Harry to message him back.

The sharing of messages went on for another hour, despite Louis' sudden tiredness. He dismissed the time at the bottom of his laptop, showing the time to be 3:16am, while he continued to send replies to Harry. He knew it must seem pathetic that he had quickly become so excited to receive and send messages with someone he had only just met, but moments like this didn't happen much for Louis. He hardly ever had messages sent to his blog, so now that he did, and from someone he seemed to instantly click with, it was something he didn't want to let go of.

Louis smiled to himself as he read Harry's recent message, finding out that Harry would soon know if he had been accepted or not at the university he had applied for, choosing to study Law, Science and English. He replied to share how he was currently taking a gap year but had also applied for university in hopes of becoming a teacher.

After the message had sent, Louis waited for a reply on the message page. He as surprised how open he was being with Harry, already sharing personal information about his family and his hometown. He had felt comfortable to talk to Harry as soon as their conversations had begun, which felt a normal to Louis who usually didn't speak of his personal life on his blog to anyone at all. He felt relaxed talking to Harry, especially now that the focus wasn't on the insecurities he had over his body.

Refreshing the page, Louis felt the same warmth of happiness spread inside of him that he got whenever Harry sent another message. He smiled again as he read through Harry's reply, feeling grateful that it was so easy to keep a conversation going.

Wow, great plan! :) you'd be an amazing teacher, Louis. Which uni have you applied for? Cheshire was my first choice just so I'm close to home, doubt my mum could handle me moving away just yet! Have you applied for Doncaster uni? H .x

Louis felt his stomach flutter after reading Harry's reply, and finding out that he had applied for the same university that Louis had. He stared back at the screen for a few seconds, not quite believing the coincidence of it. He clicked to send a reply then began to type on the keyboard, while trying not to think about the slight possibility of them both being at the same university and the chance of them meeting up.

I've actually applied for Cheshire too! My mate Zayn had heard a lot of good reviews about the uni so both of us applied there. How strange!

After answering with his reply, Louis zoned out on his laptop. He thought about meeting up with Harry and speaking to him face to face. As much as he loved talking to Harry and he wanted to get to know him more, the thought of meeting him in person made him feel nervous and uneasy. He waited for a minute longer then refreshed the page to find a new message showing at the top.

Seriously? No way! :D how great would it be if we both got accepted? Wow, I honesty didn't think we'd be so close from one another. It really is a small world! H .x

Louis bit on his bottom lip as he slowly typed out a reply, suddenly feeling worried and apprehensive. He shouldn't feel so panicky about the possibility of meeting Harry, he did enjoy talking to him and he already knew how lovely and kind Harry was, but meeting him meant he would face him in person and not behind a computer screen. He definitely didn't have the confidence to approach Harry, not with the constant reminder of his insecurities of his body inside of his head.

Before Louis sent his message, he glanced down to the clock on his laptop to see the time now 4:05am. He looked back to his reply then added a little more, deciding he should end their conversation to get some sleep, and to settle the worry in his stomach.

Yeah it sure is! I have my fingers crossed but I'm sure you'll get in anyway. They'd be idiots not to accept you! I think I'm gonna head to bed, it's pretty late. It's been really lovely speaking to you! Hopefully we can talk again soon. Goodnight x

Once Louis had replied, he let out a heavy sigh, hating how quickly his mood had changed. He moved his laptop from his legs to place it on his bed while he stood up and moved towards his wardrobe. He quickly changed into an old pyjama top and stripped down to his boxers before walking back to his bed.

He refreshed the page once more and found another message at the top, one that made his heart beat a little faster than normal. His eyes read over the words at a slow pace, finding a mobile number at the end of the message, followed by the offer of texting Harry whenever he needed a chat.

His fingers quickly typed out another reply while his heart raced beneath his chest, feeling slightly overwhelmed that Harry could trust him enough to give him his number. He replied with his own and then said goodnight again, before he turned around to pick up his phone from his bedside table. He saved Harry's number into his contacts and then placed his phone back down, finding another small smile on his lips.

Shutting down his laptop, Louis set it aside on his table then walked across the carpet to turn off the light. He carefully made his way back to his bed then settled himself beneath the duvet, with thoughts of Harry at the front of his mind as soon as his head relaxed into his pillow.

When Louis woke the next morning, he blinked his bedroom into focus then closed his eyes again, still feeling tired and in need of more sleep. He relaxed into the comfort of his bed, feeling himself beginning to fall back to sleep, when a vibration close to him disturbed his slumber.

He opened his eyes again, still finding it difficult to keep them open. He glanced over at his phone on his bedside table to see the screen lit up with a new text displayed, making him groan at whoever had chosen to disturb him from having more sleep. He remained still for a few seconds longer before he thought of the previous night and the hours he had spent talking to Harry.

The sudden thought of the boy filled Louis' stomach with tingles, uncontrollably wondering if the text was from him. He reached his hand out from under the duvet to grab his phone and bring it closer to his view, feeling his heart starting to race at the chance of it being Harry who had sent the message.

Disappointment sat at the pit of Louis' stomach when he unlocked his phone and saw the message had been from Zayn, asking if they were still meeting up at their usual spot in the snooker centre in town. He lazily rubbed his eyes and blinked to focus his vision before he sent a reply, telling Zayn a time for them to meet up.

As the day went on, Louis thought about texting Harry just to ask how he were or even to say thank you for being so kind to him the night before. The more he thought about sending a text, the more he told himself he shouldn't. The last thing he wanted to do was seem pushy or be too full on and ruin something that didn't even happen.

"You expecting a phone call, mate?"

Louis looked up from his phone and blinked with confusion at Zayn, who walked around the pool table with a cue in his hand, finding the best place to take his shot.

"That's like the third time you've checked your phone in the last minute." Zayn told, standing still to then bend over the side of the table to take his turn. He knocked a red ball against the far side then straightened up and turned his attention back to Louis. "Got someone on the go who you haven't told me about?"

Louis blinked again and quickly shook his head, feeling his cheeks blush from being caught of checking his phone. "No, nothing like that. Just checking for any messages, is all." He answered, giving a small smile before he walked around the table to line up his shot.

"I'm not convinced." Zayn replied, watching Louis knock a yellow ball into the far left pocket. "You've been a bit quiet since you got here. Someone on your mind?" He teased, raising an eyebrow at Louis after he had taken his second shot.

Again, Louis shook his head, trying not to think about Harry even though he had been in his thoughts from the moment he woke up. He didn't want the hassle of explaining that some boy off the internet is the reason for him being quiet and unfocused. "Nope, nobody in particular." He smiled, hoping to sound convincing this time. "Anyway, enough about me! How's things with Perrie?" He asked, wanting the attention to be moved away from him.

He stood next to the table and watched Zayn take his turn, only half listening to him talk about when he took Perrie out to a chinese buffet and ended up getting free drinks all night. He gave the occasional hum while he zoned out, wondering what Harry was doing. He remembered him saying he worked a few shifts in a bakery a few streets away from where he lived.

Maybe he had work today. Louis thought. He could be out with friends now. Or at home with his two cats.

"Louis?"

Blinking out of his thoughts, Louis glanced up from the table towards Zayn, who stared back at him with a smirk on his face. He quickly cleared his throat and blushed again. "Sorry. Miles away." He moved around the table until he could line his cue with a red ball to take his turn.

"And you're trying to tell me there's nobody on your mind? Zayn grinned, leaning over the table where he stood. "There's definitely a girl involved here!"

Louis felt his heart suddenly begin to race and his body flushed with heat. He smiled at Zayn's remark when their eyes met, then he looked away and dropped his smile, wishing he could find it easy to be honest about his sexuality, especially to his best friend.

Before Louis was about to take his turn, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, making his stomach flip with excitement. He pulled his phone out and quickly unlocked it to see a new message with Harry's name displayed on the screen. He bit back his smile and opened the text, feeling his heart soar inside of him.

Hey Louis :) how are you today? .x

Ignoring the sound of Zayn's laughter at him smiling down at his phone, Louis began to type a message in reply. He nodded his head when he heard Zayn say he was heading to the bar to get more drinks for them, though his focus remained on his phone.

Hi :) I'm good thanks. how are you? x

Louis glanced up from his phone once his message had sent. He kept it in his hand when he saw Zayn walking back towards the pool table with two filled glasses in his hands. His beaming smile took over his mouth as he took hold of the glass that was held out to him.

"Someone's perked up!" Zayn commented, glancing down at Louis' phone. "Nice message, was it?" He teasingly asked, raising an eyebrow when he looked back up.

Louis held back a grin as he casually shrugged his shoulders and lifted his glass to his lips, purposely not giving anything away. He took a drink from his glass then lowered his hand when he felt his phone vibrate again, only making his smile grow bigger.

The smile that Louis had found seemed to stay in place as the days went on. He continued to talk to Harry whenever he could, mostly through texts as well as the odd phone call. His stomach had filled with a mix of nerves and excitement the first time they had spoke on the phone, making everything seem much more real. He smiled at the soothing sound of Harry's voice and genuinely laughed when he made jokes that shouldn't have been funny. He smiled for the duration of the call, more than he had in so long, and he continued to smile once they both hung up and he settled down to sleep.

They talked about everything; how their day was going, their plans for the following day, what they felt like having for dinner, even about their families and close friends. It still surprised Louis how easy he found talking to Harry, no matter what the conversation was based on. He had always found it difficult to be completely honest and say how he felt, but with Harry he knew he could trust him enough to open up.

As soon as Louis had received confirmation of being accepted at Cheshire university, he rang Harry, hoping more than anything that he could celebrate with him.

"Harry?" Louis spoke, as soon as the dialling tone had stopped.

"Did you get in?" Harry rushed to ask, sounding desperate.

"Yeah I got accepted!" Louis grinned, feeling his heart beat faster beneath his chest.

"Me too!" Harry exclaimed, his smile clear through his voice. "I can't believe it. I wasn't sure that I'd actually get in but I have. And you have, too! This is crazy!"

Louis grinned and laughed into the call. "I know, it doesn't feel real." He answered, suddenly thinking of how he would have felt if one of them hadn't been accepted. He still felt nervous about the two of them meeting up, but a small level of excitement of the possibility lingered inside of him.

The whole idea of moving to a new town to live with people Louis didn't know proved to be more difficult than he first thought. He knew it had to happen one day, even if he wasn't moving to go to university then instead he would move out to have his own place, not needing to still be living at home at his age.

Once of his belongings were packed and stored in the boot of his car, he gave long hugs to his mum and each of his sisters, promising that he would let them know when he arrived in Cheshire to assure them he was safe. He smiled at them all, stood in a line on the driveway, feeling his eyes fill with tears.

He sniffed and blinked his tears away, knowing if he started crying then he wouldn't be the only one. He gave another smile then hugged his mum again, assuring her that he would ring her the second he was there. He remained in the tight embrace for a few seconds before he pulled back, letting her kiss his forehead as they shared a watery-eyed smile.

He waved and blew kisses once he was inside of his car with the engine running, his seat belt safely fastened around him. He kept his smile in place as he drove out of the driveway and down the street, only letting out a deep breath when he had turned the corner to drive towards the main road.

The silence inside of the car was disturbed when Louis turned on the radio, needing a distraction from his thoughts. He hummed along to the song that played out as he drove, not helping how he unwillingly thought of leaving his family behind. He had always been close to them all, and never had to be away for a long period of time.

Slowing down the car once he had arrived at a red light, Louis turned way from the road when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He took it out of his pocket and smiled when he saw a new message from Harry.

Hope everything went ok with moving out. Drive safely, Lou. Please let me know once you're at your flat .x

Louis typed out his reply, being quick to send it before the lights changed.

Went ok just a bit teary. Hey I'm not that bad of a driver! :P of course I will x

A smile remained on Louis' face for the duration of the car journey. He still found it surprising how easily Harry would lift his mood, even with just a simple text in a morning to ask how Louis slept made him feel comforted and loved. He felt his heart skip a beat whenever he received a text from Harry, and butterflies filled his stomach whenever they spoke on the phone. He had never felt so happy just to know somebody, and the growing friendship he had with Harry was something he didn't want to end.

It didn't take long for Louis to get settled into his flat. He had made it his own as much as he could, with a couple of band posters on the walls and family photos displayed on shelves. He clothes had been hung up on different hangers inside of his wardrobe, with his shoes scattered at the bottom. He found it strange at first to not hear his sister's music playing through the walls, or not have one of the younger ones tugging on his arm to pull him into the living room to colour with them.

He had called home once he had looked around the place and relaxed on his bed, trying to let it all settle that his was home now. His smile beamed as soon as he heard his mum's voice on the other end telling him how much she already missed him. He stayed on the phone for forty minutes, getting to speak to each of his sisters, making him feel calmer just from hearing the familiar sound of their voices.

Once he had finished the call, with the promise of ringing again the next morning, Louis opened up his messages. He pressed the top set to open his texts from Harry before he moved his thumbs across the keys on the screen.

Sorry only just finished on the phone with mum! All settled and moved in :) it's not a bad place. though it's too quiet for me, nothing like living back home x

He watched the message send before he stood up from his bed and walked over to the window to look outside, keeping his phone in his hand. He smiled when he remembered the conversation he'd had with Harry about the scenery of Cheshire, being told that it wasn't much to look at but still felt homely. He dropped his eyes away from the window to look at his phone after feeling it vibrate in his hand with a new message.

I'm sure it's too quiet back home now too :P glad you're there safe and well .x

Louis grinned at Harry's text, feeling the same warmth that he always felt filling his stomach. He typed out a message in reply while he walked back to his bed, contemplating what to eat to serve his sudden hunger. His message had been sent and his shoes had been put back on before he grabbed his jacket and his keys and left his flat, deciding to eat at the first cafe he found.

Parking his car in a small area near a long street of shops, Louis walked with his hands inside of his jacket pockets. He politely smiled at the people that walked by him, gratefully receiving friendly smiles in return. His head turned to his side to look at the different shops while he walked, eventually spotting a small cafe between a newsagents and a florist.

Louis felt his stomach rumble as soon as he walked through the blue door of the cafe, hearing a bell ring above him and smelling the food that was already being cooked. He looked up at the big menu on the far wall, taking his time to read over everything on offer, before making his choice and stepping forward to the counter. He smiled at the woman in front of him who wore a burgundy tabard and had a pen in her hand, ready to write orders on her notepad.

After making his order and paying for his food, a double cheese burger with chips and onion rings, Louis moved to sit down at the nearest table. He took out his phone from his pocket to see he had a new message from Harry, asking if he liked the area so far from what he had seen of it. He smiled then typed a reply, wondering if Harry had ever been in the cafe he was in.

I have no complaints so far. it's a really friendly town :) I'll comment on the food once I've tasted it. I'm sat in a blue cafe called The Fisherman's Boat, if you've heard of it? x

After the message had sent, Louis placed his phone down on the table. He could hear the bell above the door ringing again as someone walked into the cafe, followed by the woman behind the counter happily greeting them before taking their order. He glanced at his phone after it vibrated to show another text from Harry.

You are? I've literally just left there! How weird is that?? Is the fella in the green hat still enjoying his breakfast? .x

Louis felt his heart racing, not quite believing the chances of him being somewhere that Harry had just been. He glanced up from his phone to look at an old man in a green hat who sat at a table next to the window, hastily cutting into his sausage as well as a slice of bacon while already quickly chewing a mouthful of food. He smiled as he looked back at his phone, now understanding Harry's question.

I think he's enjoying it a little too much. At least now I know the food is good here! x

Louis sent the message then sat back in his seat, feeling the same nervousness inside of him that he'd always get whenever he thought about meeting Harry. He knew it was very likely that they would meet now that they lived in the same town, just as being at the same cafe at different times had proven, and the very thought of that made Louis panic and feel incredibly uneasy.

Focusing back to his phone, Louis read the new text he had received from Harry.

The food's really good, you picked a great cafe :) I'm gutted we missed each other! It would have been amazing to finally meet you .x

Reading over Harry's message, Louis felt a smile form on his lips. Despite how nervous he felt, he did want to be able to meet Harry, just to see him face to face and maybe get to spend a few hours with him. He knew that they would instantly get on in person just like they had when talking on their phones or video chatting on skype, but his nerves stood in the way and unwillingly put Louis off the idea. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to see the flaws that Louis would pick out about himself, and then decide to walk away and choose to not speak to him again.

Louis sighed in annoyance, wishing he didn't feel so self conscious about who he was and how he looked. He wished he could be more outgoing and not care about what people thought of him, he knew it would help him to not feel so sad whenever he thought of his insecurities. His eyes focused on the words of Harry's last text as he read it again, not helping how his stomach flipped from knowing that Harry actually wanted to meet him.

While Louis typed out a reply, he heard footsteps approach his table. He looked up after pressing send and smiled at a younger woman than the one at the counter, who carefully placed a plate of food on the table in front of Louis.

"Thank you." Louis smiled, before the woman walked off and left him to eat.

The more Louis thought about how he would feel if he did meet with Harry, the more chances they coincidently missed out on. He had been walking around a supermarket one night after a day of studying, with the handles of a basket draped over his forearm, when he had walked past Harry without even realising. He had been too focused on looking at the items on the shelves to see him, and only found out after he had returned to his flat when Harry told him he had done a bit of shopping in Tesco for his mum around 5.

The more it happened, the more it annoyed them both. They joked about having to look around a shop they're in to check if the other is there, finding that they missed each other without realising a little too often. Even though Louis still felt nervous about it, he could admit he had become frustrated at how easily they seemed to be in the same place or walk along the same street at the same time and not realise until after.

It was more annoying that whenever they each suggested meeting up on certain days, other plans would get in the way and prevent it from happening. Harry was working a shift in the bakery on the Saturday morning that Louis suggested they take a walk around the park. Louis had already made plans with Zayn to go out for a few drinks on the Friday night that Harry suggested they watch a movie at the cinema. It seemed to happen whenever they talked about it, making them both wonder if they would ever actually meet up.

After another day of studying and working on projects for his coursework, Louis found comfort in a hot shower, allowing him to fully relax and unwind. He stepped out of the bathroom with a white towel wrapped around his waist, then he walked towards the window to look out at the dark sky and lit up streets. He smiled at the view, hearing hardly any noise from the cars that drove on the roads. He lifted his hands up to tug on both halves of his curtains to bring them together, shutting out the night.

He turned away from the window and walked closer to his bed, wondering if Harry had already settled down to sleep yet. He gathered the clothes that he had chucked to the end of his bed that morning, too tired to put them away, then he moved to drop them to the floor, telling himself to sort them after he had slept. His eyes moved towards his pillow when he heard his phone vibrating, the screen lighting up with a call. He reached out to pick up his phone and he smiled when he read the caller ID.

"I was just thinking about you." Louis truthfully told. He smiled as he sat down on the edge of his bed, already feeling butterflies fill his stomach.

"Oh, really?" Harry answered, not hiding the pleasant surprise to his voice. "Good thoughts I hope!"

Louis grinned and looked down at the his lap. "Of course. I was actually wondering if you'd be asleep or not. Obviously you're not." He rambled, slowly twirling his fingers around a small piece of thread on the towel.

"No, I'm not." Harry lightly chuckled. "Though I probably should be. I have an assignment to finish tomorrow so sleep would help me out. Just wish I was tired enough."

Louis hummed in reply. He moved back on his bed to settle onto his back, finding comfort from the soft mattress and the soothing sound of Harry's voice. "I'm sure you'll do great. How's everything at uni for you?"

"It's alright, I suppose. A little more complex than I thought, but I like a challenge!"

Louis laughed into his phone, keeping a wide smile on his face. He relaxed his head against his pillow with his phone still pressed to his ear.

"How is it for you?" Harry asked. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah." Louis answered, thinking of his classes and the work he did. "It's not so bad. Long days tire me out, though. I'm not used to studying so much."

"I can understand that. Are you in bed now? I'll let you sleep if you want?"

"No, no, it's fine." Louis assured, not wanting the phone call to end. "I'm on my bed but I'm not heading to sleep yet. I'm actually just out the shower."

"Oh, you are?" Harry answered, with a playful tone to his voice. "Are you dressed now, or not?"

Louis gulped and felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment. "Just a towel." He honestly replied, with his heart starting to beat harder against his chest.

"That's very good to know." Harry answered. He was about to say something more about Louis' towel when he stopped himself, not entirely sure if it would be too forward of him. He quietly cleared his throat. "Have you made any plans to visit home yet?"

"I've nothing set just yet but I have been told I need to go back soon." Louis answered, grateful that Harry had changed the subject and moved the attention away from what he was wearing.

Harry gave a warm laugh. "Your mum really misses you, doesn't she?"

"Yeah. Must be a bit weird for her." Louis thought aloud, knowing his mum hated that he wasn't near her so she could continue to look after him.

"I bet it is." Harry agreed. "You know, I really admire how close you are with your family. I know myself what it feels like to be able to turn to them for anything at all or being honest with them about whatever, so it's lovely to know you have that, too."

Louis felt his heart start to sink lower in his stomach. Half of what Harry had said was right; he was close with his family and he could turn to them for anything he needed. He wasn't so honest with them, his mum especially. He hated keeping something so important and personal from her, knowing that she wouldn't judge and only accept, but he kept of to himself and feared what people would say if they knew.

"Lou? Are you still there?"

Louis gulped and sadly smiled, feeling his heart flip at the sound of his nickname. "Yeah, sorry." He replied, not helping the sudden sadness to his voice.

"Are you ok?" Harry asked, with concern. "Have I said something to upset you? I really didn't mean to."

"No, no. You haven't." Louis assured, before letting out a deep breath. "It's just- what you said about being honest. I'm not- about everything." He could feel his heart racing faster now. He knew he could trust Harry, and talking about it to him would only help. "Mum thinks I like girls."

He felt his cheeks flush more at the sound of his own words. His voice had fallen much quieter, almost like he didn't say anything at all. He wondered if Harry had actually heard him while he waited for a reply, his heart beating fast and hard beneath his chest.

"Do you feel ready to tell her that you don't?" Harry asked.

"I don't know." Louis sighed, finding himself wanting to let out how he felt now that he had told Harry his biggest secret. "There's been times where it's just me and her and I think about telling her, I try my best to be honest and say exactly how I feel but I can never do it."

"I know she wouldn't judge me." Louis continued. "I just hate the thought of disappointing her, and the more I keep this from her the more I'm gonna end up doing that."

"The last thing she'd be is disappointed in you, Lou." Harry reassured, with a sympathetic tone. "I'm sure she'll be proud of you more than anything else."

Louis let out another sigh. "I guess you're right. I'm just scared to actually admit it to people." He confessed, blushing again. "Nobody else knows about this, not even Zayn. I just worry about what people would think."

"They're not important, Lou." Harry gently spoke, wanting to comfort Louis. "The only opinion that matters is yours. When you feel you're ready to tell people then that's when they'll know, until then you can learn how to accept that it's who you are and you can learn to be ok with it."

Louis smiled, starting to feel calm like before. "Do you ever stop being so positive? You're a very wise man, Harry."

Harry laughed into the call, his smile showing through his voice. "Just honest, Lou." He paused then gathered his thoughts before speaking again. "You know." He quietly spoke. "I actually felt just as scared when I planned to come out, but I found that it was so much easier than I thought it would be."

It took a few second for Harry's words to register before Louis answered, having not expected to hear that from Harry. "You- you did that?" He asked, feeling more at ease that they could relate over the same thing.

"Yeah. About a year ago now." Harry told, still smiling. "I'd known for ages that I preferred boys, but it took me a while to find the courage to tell people."

"How did you tell them?" Louis curiously asked, feeling slightly encouraged by Harry's confession.

"I actually did it over the dinner table one night when we were all sat together." Harry recalled. "My mum was talking about how she'd spoken to one of her friend's about her daughter. She told me how she was my age and liked the same music as me and wasn't already seeing someone. I said I wasn't interested, and after getting an earful about missing out on the chance of being with a girl who's perfectly suited to me, I told her I wasn't interested because I'm gay."

"Wow." Louis answered, genuinely amazed. "How did she take it?"

"She was completely fine with it. She actually set me up with the son of another of her friend's." Harry told, adding a short laugh. "As soon as I said it I was worried about what they'd all think, but all of them were supportive and nothing changed, we just carried on eating."

"You make it sound really easy." Louis spoke with sorrow. "I doubt I'd be so confident to actually tell people."

"Maybe not now, but in time you will. Only when you're ready, though. After then it will be much more easier than you think, I assure you." Harry smiled, hoping he had helped to settle the worry on Louis' mind.

"Thank you, Harry." Louis smiled, feeling as though he could think more clearly now that he had talked about one of the things that was always inside of his head. He let out a light sigh as a shiver ran over his body from the cold air of the room. "I should probably put some clothes on."

"Not on my account, I hope."

Louis blushed like before, already feeling his heart racing again. "No, no, just it's quite cold in my room."

"Ah, I see." Harry answered, his playful tone returning. "It is quite nice to think about you only in a towel while you speak to me."

Louis felt his entire body flush at Harry's words. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, not entirely sure how he should reply. Half of him felt flattered that Harry would choose to even talk to him like that, making him curious and excited to where it could lead to, but the other half of him blushed furiously and hoped the conversation would move on to something that didn't involve his body.

"It-it is?" Louis shyly asked, after realising he hadn't yet replied.

"Yeah. Though it would be even nicer to think about you without the towel on while you speak to me."

Louis' heart continued to race and his stomach knotted up. "Well, it is really cold in here." He instantly blushed at his shy and simple answer.

Harry lightly laughed. "I'm sure we could find ways to keep you warm, babe." He replied, still sounding playful. "Wanna know what I'm doing right now?"

Louis remained quiet for a few seconds, having different thoughts filling his head of what Harry was actually doing. He gulped, "Um- yeah?"

"I'm lying in my bed, underneath the covers, moving my hand down my stomach." Harry told. "Not wearing a single thing.

Louis closed his eyes, feeling an unfamiliar tingle of excitement mix with the nerves inside of his stomach. He couldn't help but imagine Harry lying naked in bed, moving his hand down his body, before he quickly opened his eyes. He blinked away the image and tried to collect his thoughts as he spoke. "Have you- been like that ever since you rang?"

"Yep. I like being naked." Harry confidently told, with another laugh. "Wanna know something else, Louis?"

"Y-yeah?" Louis stuttered, feeling intrigued though still nervous.

"Your voice makes me hard."

Louis' eyes widened and his breath caught up in his throat, his mouth fallen open slightly. He heard Harry's words playing over and over in his head, not believing that he could have that effect on somebody. "I- really? It does?"

"I haven't been this hard for so long." Harry told, drawing out his words as he spoke. "Feels so good to touch, makes me tingle all over." He left a short pause before speaking again after letting out a quiet gasp. "You should take that towel off, Louis."

Glancing down at the towel around his waist, Louis wondered if he should follow Harry's instruction or stay covered up. He could guess where the conversation would go if he did remove the towel, he just wasn't sure he wanted that to happen through fear of not being good enough. His cheeks still flushed and his heart repeatedly pounded against his chest.

"I-" Louis spoke, before cutting himself off. He gulped again, feeling pathetic for not being able to freely join in with Harry's playful attitude.

"Do you want me to stop, Lou?" Harry gently asked, sensing Louis' hesitation. "We can talk about something else if you'd rather?"

Louis sighed out of annoyance of how he was acting. He hated being so shy, especially around someone who he felt most comfortable with. "Would you mind? Sorry, I just- I've never really done this." He blushed again at his confession, sounding as stupid as he felt.

"Of course I don't mind. I'm sorry if I seemed full on, I never intended to be."

Louis gave a small smile out of appreciation for Harry's understanding. "Not at all." He answered, hoping things hadn't been made awkward between them.

The next time their phone conversation turned to the same topic was a few days after. Louis had spent most of his breaks from his classes looking on the internet on his phone for 'tips for phone sex'. He blushed while he looked around him to make sure nobody could see his search before he lowered his eyes back to his phone, clicking on the first link he saw.

How to have Phone Sex. Louis read, once the page had loaded. He read through the paragraphs of information, finding it helpful and something he could use when talking to Harry. He read the same paragraphs again and again until he remembered the different tips, wanting to be able to use some of them.

He took advice from the website and made sure he was in the mood before speaking to Harry. He definitely felt excited, and had done since he began searching for help from the internet, wanting to make it good for Harry as well as himself. His hands fumbled to unzip his jeans and pull off his tshirt, leaving him stood in his room with only his boxers on.

Getting himself comfortable on his bed, Louis closed his eyes and relaxed against the mattress. He left his hands by his sides as he thought of Harry, instantly picturing him with a wide smile on his face. His thoughts changed when he imagined Harry there with him, slowly moving closer to the bed to then climb up to straddle Louis' body.

Feeling a sudden twitch inside of his boxers, Louis continued with the fantasy, imagining Harry was leant forward to kiss along Louis' neck. His mouth fell open and he gasped, his thoughts so clear and vivid that it actually felt real. His cock twitched again when he pictured Harry slowly grinding against him, whispering in his ear how badly he wanted him.

Letting out a quiet moan, Louis lifted his hand to move down his stomach and squeeze around the bulge in his boxers. He stretched his hand out over his erection and lifted his hips up to rub on his palm, imagining it to be Harry grinding against his crotch. He moaned a little louder when he slipped his hand beneath the fabric to wrap his fingers around his cock, imagining it to be Harry's hand instead of his own.

"Oh, Harry." Louis quietly moaned, imagining Harry still left kisses to his neck while his hand stroked Louis' cock.

Opening his eyes, Louis moved his hand out to pull his boxers down his legs before chucking them to the floor. He left one hand on his chest while the other moved up, allowing him to lick his palm, then he lowered it to wrap around his cock like before, instantly making him moan again at the contact.

While Louis steadily stroked himself, he heard the vibrating sound of his phone ringing from where he had left it on the desk next to his bed. His head turned towards it and he reached out his free hand to grab his phone, letting another moan leave his mouth when he read Harry's name on the screen.

"I've been thinking about you all day." Louis bluntly told, after answering the call. He kept up the steady rhythm of his hand on his cock while he breathed heavily into the phone, quickly becoming more turned on now that he was talking to Harry.

"Oh?" Harry asked, wanting to know more. He could hear the sound of Louis' heavy breathing, and how his voice seemed lower than usual.

"I couldn't wait to speak to you again." Louis explained, feeling a sudden build up of confidence even though his heart raced through fear of saying the wrong thing. "Needed to hear your voice. Needed to tell you what I want you to do to me."

"What's that, Louis?" Harry asked, surprised and intrigued at Louis' sudden confidence. "Tell me what you want me to do to you."

Louis quickly swallowed and ignored the way his body flushed. He thought back to the tips on the website, remembering one of them saying to describe in detail what you want the person to do to you. "I want you here in my room, right next to me on my bed. I want to have your hands all over me; on my chest, on my stomach, on my cock." He stopped to let out a low moan. "I want you to make me feel alive, Harry. Make me feel so, so good."

"Fuck, Lou." Harry quietly gasped at the sound of Louis' voice; so rugged and husky. "I can do that. I can do all of that. Are you naked, Louis?"

"Yeah." Louis told. "I'm stroking my cock. Can't stop thinking about you being here with me."

Louis paused to hear the sound of Harry's breath matching his own. He picked up the pace of his hand as he listened, the sound only turning him on even more.

"You've made me so hard, Lou. Fuck, you're so-god, you're amazing. Want to be there with you so bad right now!" Harry breathlessly spoke, his voice sounding desperate and rushed.

"Oh, Harry." Louis moaned out, feeling tingles of pleasure spread around his body.

Just knowing that he had clearly made Harry aroused and turned on increased the pleasure for Louis. He felt all of his nerves slip away from him as the arousal increased and took over, making him feel at ease and comfortable enough to carry on.

"I'd make you feel amazing, Louis." Harry breathlessly moaned. "I'd do whatever you wanted; I'd stroke your cock or suck you off, I'd do whatever I could to make you feel so good!"

Moaning low in his throat, Louis felt his body shiver and his muscles clench in his stomach. His hand stroked faster on his cock as he approached his orgasm, not stopping Harry's name from leaving his lips over and over.

"Are you gonna cum for me, Lou?" Harry asked, knowing he was just as close as Louis sounded. "I'm so close. Cum with me, baby."

Louis' eyes slipped shut as his body jerked on the bed, his head began to spin fast at the intense pleasure he felt. He moaned Harry's name a final time before his cum shot out from his cock and landed on his stomach. He could hear breathless moans on the other side of the call, making him assume that Harry had mirrored his own actions.

"Wow. That was amazing!" Harry breathlessly spoke. "I only rang to tell you I got some free iced finger buns from work today."

Louis grinned and laughed into his phone, feeling content and more relaxed than ever. He glanced down at the mess he had made on his stomach, shocked that he had found the confidence to act that way with Harry. His stomach flipped when he thought of making Harry turned on and the achievement of giving him an orgasm, shamelessly proud of being able to do that for him.

Any worry of things between them being awkward after their night of phone sex soon faded away over the next few days, both of them still so eager, if not more so, to speak to each other. They continued to keep in contact through texts, always sending morning messages, as well as phone calls throughout the day and sometimes ending a night with a long video chat on skype. It felt as though their bond only grew stronger and despite not meeting yet, they both seemed to get closer.

Hearing his phone vibrate with a new message, Louis turned his head to his side on his bed to glance at his phone, having a familiar smile cover his lips from seeing Harry's name. He moved his hand away from where it had been typing out coursework on his laptop then he picked up his phone and opened the message.

Fancy a video call? Only if you're not busy .x

Louis' smile remained in place as he typed out a reply, not so bothered about working on his coursework now that Harry had messages him.

I'm doing coursework but you're far more important! I'll get logging on :) x

Once the text had sent, Louis placed his phone back down on the bed then turned his attention back to his laptop that was resting on his legs. He saved the word document that he had been working on and closed the programme, telling himself to continue with it tomorrow. He double clicked on the skype icon on the desktop and signed himself in once the smaller screen had popped up.

He smiled to himself when he noticed that Harry was already online, making Louis' stomach flutter as he thought of Harry waiting for him. His fingers moved on the mousepad to click on Harry's name to select the option for a video chat, sending the request while he made himself more comfortable on the upright pillow behind his back, leaning against the wall.

"There you are." Harry greeted, with a wide smile beaming on his face. "Sorry for interrupting you with your coursework."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I'm not." Louis joked, giving Harry a grin in return. He felt butterflies fill his stomach at the sound of Harry's laughter, the action lighting up his whole face.

"You look tired, Lou." Harry commented, his face suddenly changing to show concern.

Louis raised an eyebrow, not noticing how tired he looked. He shrugged his shoulders, still showing a smile. "I feel fine. Though I've not long since kicked Zayn out. He's been here all night, going on about him and Perrie going on holiday." He told, recalling the previous conversation of Zayn telling him how he had been thinking of places he could take Perrie. "I love him to bits but he never shuts up when he starts."

Harry laughed again, giving Louis a sympathetic smile. "At least he's happy, though. They've been together a while, haven't they? I remember you saying."

"Yeah." Louis smiled, surprised that Harry could remember details from one of their first conversations. "Nearly two years. That's why he's wanting to do something special for her." His smile slowly began to fade and his stomach tightened, uncontrollably thinking about the idea of being in a relationship, something that Louis felt most insecure about.

"Well, that sounds very romantic of him." Harry commented. "I'm glad he's happy with her."

Louis slowly nodded his head and smiled back at the screen. "Yeah, me too." He answered, trying to shake off the sadness that had suddenly built up inside of him. His insecurities would always enter his mind at times when he didn't need the reminder of how he hated his body and the way he looked, and because of it felt as though he would never be in a serious relationship.

"Louis?"

Blinking out of his thoughts, Louis focused on the screen, noticing a nervous expression on Harry's face. "Yeah?" He answered, suddenly worried about what Harry had to say. He was so used to seeing a beaming smile on Harry's face that anything different seemed odd and unnecessary.

"I, uh- I was wondering if I could talk to you about something?" Harry quietly asked, nervously biting on his bottom lip.

Louis felt panic inside of him, becoming more worried about what Harry wanted to tell him. He gulped and nodded his head. "Of course. Anything at all."

Taking a deep breath, Harry looked down from the camera to process his thoughts, as if he was carefully choosing how to say what was on his mind. He slowly looked back up, still looking just as nervous. "I wanted to be honest with you about something that's been on my mind quite a lot recently."

"I've wanted to talk to you about it for a while, but I wasn't sure how you'd react or how you'd feel." Harry continued, leaving short pauses to gather his words. "And I finally realised that the only way I would know is if I'm honest with you."

Louis frowned with confusion, wondering if he had done something wrong or had upset Harry in any way. His stomach filled with dread when a thought entered his mind, making him wonder if Harry was about to say he didn't want to talk to him anymore, that he was fed up of Louis and never wanted to speak to him again. He could hear his heart pounding loud like a drum inside of his ears and the room seemed to spin at a fast pace, making him feel so, so sick.

"I have feelings for you."

Everything suddenly fell silent. Louis blinked back at the screen of his laptop, sure that he had misheard what Harry had said. His heart skipped a beat as he stared back at Harry, seeing the worried look on his face while he waited for Louis to say something.

"I know it's crazy." Harry spoke again, feeling as though he needed to say more. "Because we haven't even met. And I haven't known you that long. But I really like you, and every day I find myself wanting to talk to you just to know that you're ok and to hear about your day. You're all I seem to think about, and I think you're the most amazing person I've even known."

Louis remained silent as he attempted to process Harry's words. He felt as though he was watching a scene from a film or a TV programme, not something that was real and about his own life. His lips stayed closed together while he tried to think of something to say, though words seemed to fail him.

"I completely understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore." Harry sadly told. "I just wanted to be honest with you."

"You- like me?" Louis asked, finally finding his voice. He stared back at the screen of his laptop to see Harry slowly nod his head.

"Yeah." Harry confirmed, keeping the sad tone to his voice. "I'm sorry if I've ruined things between us because of this."

"You have feelings for me?" Louis repeated, with a shocked tone to his voice. He saw Harry nod again, noticing a glint of hope in his eyes. His lips formed the curve of a smile when he thought over what Harry had said. "You think I'm amazing?"

This time, Harry let out a light laugh, daring to smile wider as he looked at the happy expression now on Louis' face. "I think you're perfectly wonderful." He genuinely told, noticing a light blush that appeared on Louis' cheeks. "Is this- ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Very much so." Louis happily babbled with a wide grin, feeling his heart soar to the top of his chest. "I didn't think you'd feel the same." He admitted, letting Harry's confession finally sink in.

Harry gave a grin in return, feeling elated that he hadn't ruined what they had, and because Louis felt the same way he did. "It's just crazy, to think we haven't even met and yet I feel closer to you than the people I've known all my life."

"I feel the same." Louis happily agreed, not shifting the wide smile that covered his lips. "I trust you enough to be myself whenever we talk, and I love how close we've become. You make me so happy, Harry."

Looking down with a light blush on his cheeks and his dimples clearly showing, Harry gave a laugh of delight and disbelief. His eyes lifted again to show the sparkle inside of them as he smiled. "That alone makes me happy!" He told, seeing Louis clearly beam with happiness. "I think we definitely need to meet soon, though, Lou."

Louis nodded his head in agreement, realising that for the first time he didn't feel any nerves or worry over the thought of meeting Harry, instead he felt butterflies and a longing for it to actually happen. He tilted his head, wondering when would be the perfect opportunity for them to meet each other.

"There's a party on Saturday at this guy's house not far from town." He told, hoping he had thought of the perfect chance for them. "Me and Zayn are going. Maybe you could go, too?"

Harry frowned in thought, already knowing something about a party on Saturday. "Someone called Liam?" He asked, seeing Louis think before nodding his head. "I remember my mate Niall mentioning something about it. Apparently he knows Liam from uni. He told Niall to invite whoever he wanted so he asked me if I felt like going."

"Really? Do you think you'll go?" Louis asked, sounding hopeful that Harry would say yes. "I really want to meet you, Harry." He added, feeling his heart skip a beat, knowing that he truly meant it.

"I want to meet you, too. You don't even know how much." Harry answered. "I'll tell Niall I'm up for it. So I guess I'll see you there?"

Louis grinned and nodded his head. "You certainly will." He spoke, the butterflies inside of his stomach multiplying as he thought of being able to meet Harry in person after all this time of talking to each other on the phone.

It didn't feel real to think about it. For so long, Louis had thought about what he would say to Harry when they did meet up. He wanted to be able to hug him and thank him in person for coming into his life, and for making him the happiest he'd ever been. He wanted Harry to know just how much he appreciated him, and how much he wanted to keep him in his life for as long as possible, no matter what they both faced.

On the night of the party, Louis could feel the nerves starting to return to his stomach just at the thought of finally getting to meet Harry. He had spent a lot of time getting himself ready, making sure his favourite dark blue shirt had been washed and dried in time for him to wear with his black jeans. He showered, shaved, and put on both deodorant and aftershave, wanting to make a good impression.

Once he had made sure that his hair looked presentable, he left his flat with his phone and his keys in his hand. He continuously took deep breaths to calm his nerves when he had met up with Zayn and began to walk the short distance to Liam's house ready for the party.

"So who's this Harry that's coming?" Zayn asked, turning his head to look to where Louis walked beside him.

Louis held back his smile and felt his heart skip a beat just from the mention of Harry's name. "Someone I know from uni." He lied, not wanting to explain how he actually knew of Harry, knowing that he would have to then tell Zayn about liking boys, as well as his blog which he knew nothing about.

"Oh. You've never mentioned him before." Zayn spoke again, keeping his head turned towards Louis as they walked down another street.

"Well, I didn't want to make you jealous!" Louis joked, giving his best serious face even though Zayn had already started to laugh.

"You better not replace me." Zayn playfully warned, with a wide grin on his face.

Louis glanced towards a single house at the end of the street where he heard loud music coming from inside. "Couldn't even if I wanted to." He replied, keeping his eyes on the house while he heard Zayn laugh again.

As they walked close to the house, Louis let out a deep breath, trying to steady the fast pace of his heart that was already beating quickly. The music that played out of the house became much louder as they walked through the front door, instantly greeted by people stood in the hallway and on the stairs with drinks in their hands.

They both walked through to the living room to see even more people either stood with their drinks or dancing along to the loud music in the middle of the room. A few people who they both recognised from some of their classes smiled and greeted them properly, making them feel welcome at the party. Louis smiled in return and glanced around the partly crowded room, wondering if Harry was already there. He felt his heart sink from not being able to spot him, and he hoped more than anything that Harry was just running late.

As the night went on, Louis had attempted to calm himself down by having a few drinks from the table in the kitchen. He stood in the small and tidy room with his third drink in his hand, leaning his back against one of the cupboards. He sighed to himself, not wanting to accept that Harry wasn't going to show up at the party even after they had arranged to meet, and had since spoke about nothing else.

He finished off the drink in his cup then placed it on the worktop, feeling a low mood completely take over him. He hadn't thought about the chance that Harry wouldn't show up at the party; he had been so sure that tonight would be the night that they finally got to meet. His eyes shifted across to the boy who walked into the kitchen, holding an empty bottle in his hand. He cleared his throat and caught the boy's attention, wondering if he had see anything of Harry.

"Hey- um, I don't suppose you know if someone called Harry is here tonight?" Louis asked, not wanting to sound desperate even though he did really want to see Harry. "He's quiet tall. Mess of curly hair. Probably wearing a cross necklace?"

"Nah, sorry mate. Can't say I've seen him."

Louis sighed then nodded his head, giving a smile of appreciation. He waited until the boy had left the room with another bottle in his hand before he took his phone out of his pocket. He felt his heart sink with further sadness, not having the text from Harry that he had been expecting, telling him he wouldn't be going to the party after all.

Stuffing his phone back into his pocket, Louis walked through to the living room where he found Zayn engaged in what looked to be a deep conversation with Liam. He moved closer to them both and lightly tug on Zayn's arm to get his attention, telling him that he didn't feel well and was going to go back to his flat. He turned down the offer of Zayn going with him, telling him to stay and enjoy himself, then he said a quick bye to Liam and left the house.

It wouldn't have been so bad if Harry had told Louis before the party that he wouldn't be going, at least then he wouldn't feel so upset and let down. He knew it was silly and slightly pathetic of him to feel this way, but he had finally felt ready to meet Harry, he had been excited and didn't feel shy about the idea anymore. He sighed heavily as he walked the way back to his flat, wanting to fall on his bed and sleep until morning.

Once Louis had reached his flat, he shut his door behind him and slowly walked over to his bed. He sighed and sat down on the mattress while tears filled his eyes. His hands lifted to take off his jacket and chuck to the floor, then they lowered to pull his phone and his keys from the pockets of his jeans while he kicked his shoes off his feet.

His keys were carelessly chucked on his desk and he placed his phone down on his bed while he stood up from the mattress. He was about to move over to his wardrobe to change out of his clothes when he heard his phone vibrating, signalling a new message. His head turned to glance at his phone before he reached out to pick it up, allowing him to see Harry's name on the screen.

I'm really sorry for not being at the party! :( I got held up and by the time I got there I found out you'd already left. I really hope you're not mad at me, though you do have good reason to be. I'm an idiot and I'm sorry :( .x

Louis half smiled as he read through Harry's message, uncontrollably feeling his stomach flutter at his apology, proving that he did care about not being there despite what Louis had first thought. He sat back down on his bed then pressed the call button next to Harry's name at the top of the screen. He lifted his phone to his ear and heard the dialling tone, not waiting too long before Harry answered the call.

"I'm so sorry." Harry immediately spoke, sounding worked up with guilt and sadness.

Louis smiled into the call, beginning to feel more at ease now that he was speaking to Harry. "You don't have to say sorry. I understand."

"No, I do." Harry urged, sounding desperate for Louis to know just how sorry he felt. "I was getting ready to come and meet you when Niall rang me and said he needed my help so I rushed over there, forgetting to let you know I'd be late, and then-"

"No, Harry. You don't have to explain. Honestly, I understand." Louis truthfully assured. "I'm just sorry that we didn't get to meet." He added, sounding as upset as he felt that their plan to meet up didn't happen like how they said it would.

Harry sighed into the call. "Me too. I really wanted to see you, Lou."

Feeling his stomach flutter at Harry's words, Louis lifted his head in thought. He wanted to see Harry more than he ever had before, not feeling any of the nerves he had once felt over the idea of it. He longed to be able to spend time with Harry, doing whatever they wanted together, even if it meant he had to be a little forward to have that.

"Are you busy right now?" Louis asked, feeling his heart beating faster.

"No, no I'm not busy. Why?" Harry replied, trying not to sound too hopeful in case Louis didn't say what he thought he would.

"Well, I was just thinking, maybe you could come to mine? Only if you want to, of course." Louis answered, hoping that Harry would choose to agree.

"Yeah. Yeah, definitely!" Harry beamed, grateful that Louis had asked and that he hadn't messed things up between them.

Louis' smile returned as the butterflies in his stomach happily flew around inside of him. He gave Harry the details of where he lived then ended the call, telling Harry he would see him soon. His words played over and in his head. "I'll see you soon." It felt almost too good to be true, as though Harry wasn't on his way to his flat to see him. It was surreal to think about, and Louis wasn't sure he'd believe it until Harry would walk through his door.

While Louis waited for Harry to arrive, he quickly cleaned up around his room, wanting to make it look presentable and tidy. He moved all around, picking up items of clothing that were scattered about on the carpet, as well as clearing empty drink bottles and food cartons from his desk and his window sill to put into the bin at the bottom of his bed. He straightened out his duvet and fluffed up his pillows before he decided he was happy with how his room looked.

He seemed to only be waiting a couple more minutes before a light knock on the door sounded into the room. His heart skipped a beat as he looked towards the closed door, knowing that Harry was stood on the opposite side. He let out a deep breath and walked forwards, quickly clearing his throat and wiping his palms on his jeans before reaching a hand out to open the door.

Louis stared in front of him, finally seeing the boy he had been talking to for so long standing so close to him. He blinked and mentally shook himself after he realised he had been staring. His mouth quickly closed and he gulped as a smile found its way on his lips, still not believing that this was actually happening.

"Harry." Louis whispered, his voice gentle and soft. His knees suddenly felt weak, as though he had no choice but to stand in the same spot through fear of falling.

Without saying a word, Harry moved closer to fill the gap between them both, wrapping his arms around Louis to pull him into a tight hug. He closed his eyes when he gently squeezed Louis in closer to him, as if he never wanted to let him go.

"I can't believe it's actually you." Louis quietly spoke, admitting his disbelief. He felt himself instantly relax into the embrace as he rested his chin on Harry's shoulder then moved his head closer to hold it against Harry's.

They stayed in their tight embrace for a while longer before they both pulled away, immediately locking their eyes together. Louis smiled when he felt Harry's hand hold his own, gently entwining their fingers.

"You're far more beautiful in person." Harry quietly spoke, not moving his eyes away from Louis.

Letting out a small giggle, Louis grinned out of gratefulness. He was certain that nobody else had ever called him beautiful before. "You're just as charming in real life."

Harry smiled but shook his head to disagree. "Just honest." He corrected, giving Louis' hand a gentle squeeze with his own. He lowered his eyes to look at Louis' lips before he glanced back up, finding his desire too strong to ignore. "Louis, can I kiss you?"

A light blush covered Louis' cheeks at Harry's question. He nodded his head, wanting nothing more than to have Harry's lips pressing against his own. He waited to the few seconds that went by until Harry moved closer and tilted his head to kiss him, gently brushing their lips together. He closed his eyes and sunk into the slow embrace, his hand moving up to sit at Harry's cheek, while his other reached behind them to push the door to a close.

It wasn't surprising how natural it felt for them both to finally be with each other. Even though it had taken a while for it to happen, it still felt as though the time was right. They relaxed in each other's company with ease as they talked and kissed, both of them lying side by side on Louis' bed. Their hands remained entwined and their heads stayed close together, easy enough for Harry to turn to press soft kisses to any part of Louis that he could reach.

"I've thought a lot about tonight." Louis quietly spoke, after feeling Harry's lips kiss his forehead. He smiled back at him and slowly ran his thumb along Harry's. "I really want it to be so special."

Harry smiled and nodded his head. "Me too, and that's exactly what it is."

Louis lowered his eyes and smiled again, feeling a sudden nervousness bubble up inside of him. He gulped and stared at the little black cross tattoo on Harry's hand, sat between his thumb and his finger. "I made plans in my head of how I wanted it to go as soon as we met."

"Yeah?" Harry softly questioned, sensing that Louis was getting at something.

Nodding his head, Louis slowly looked back up. "I've thought about it a lot, and I want you to be my first."

Harry turned his head to look directly at Louis, wanting to make sure that he had heard right. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Louis that's- that's a really big deal."

Again, Louis nodded his head. "I know, and I don't want it to be with anyone else but you."

Without giving a reply, Harry moved closer to Louis to capture his lips, placing his hand on Louis' cheek as they kissed. He made it as passionate as he could before pulling away, seeing a look of trust in Louis' eyes. "You definitely want this?"

Louis smiled and nodded, never before feeling so certain. He held his hands to Harry's sides as he was pushed back on the bed with Harry carefully moving to lay on top of him. His hands roamed Harry's shoulders before sliding up to sit in his hair, while their lips pressed together again.

Lifting himself up on his knees, Harry smiled down at Louis then placed his hand at the bottom of his shirt. "Can I?" He asked, gently touching the last button while Louis nodded his head. He smiled in return then unfastened each button before moving the shirt away, leaving Louis' stomach exposed for him to see.

Harry felt his heart sink when he saw the blush on Louis' cheeks. He dipped his head to kiss in a line down Louis' stomach, wanting him to feel comfortable with how he looked. He kissed his lips all over Louis' stomach before stopping above the waistband of his jeans. His eyes flickered up to see Louis nodding again, giving him enough consent to pull on the zip and open the button to carefully bring the jeans down Louis' legs.

Louis blushed a lot more once he was left in just his boxers. He looked away from Harry's gaze and tried not to focus on the negative voice inside of his head. He watched as Harry moved closer to him again, taking another long kiss from his lips.

"I'll make you feel so good, Louis." Harry whispered, once the kiss had broke. He moved his hand down Louis' body to reach the bulge in his boxers, now covered by his palm while he gently squeezed it.

"Oh." Louis quietly gasped, feeling a sudden rush of pleasure spread around his body. He watched intently as Harry slowly pushed down his boxers to let his cock fall free of its confinements. "Harry." He moaned, after having Harry's lips gently kiss along his length.

Holding his hand at the base, Harry slowly ran his tongue all around the head of Louis' cock before taking it into his mouth. He moved slowly at first, lowering his lips further down as well as lifting them up again, then he picked up the pace after hearing the sound of Louis' low moans, encouraging him to give him more.

"Oh, Harry." Louis moaned again, feeling the excitement build up as Harry's hand began to move in time with his mouth. His lips parted and gasps slipped through his mouth, never before feeling so much pleasure.

Harry continued the fast rhythm of stroking his hand and sucking up and down for a while longer, becoming more and more turned on after hearing Louis' moans of approval. He slowed down his movements then lifted his mouth away, keeping his hand stroking up and down down as he looked towards Louis. "Do you have any lube, babe?"

Nodding his head with a blush on his cheeks, Louis carefully reached to his desk and opened the small drawer underneath to pull out a bottle of lube and a single condom, both purchased in preparation.

After quickly stripping out of his clothes, Harry gratefully took the objects from Louis and placed the condom on the bed, then he squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers, moving them between Louis' parted legs. "If you need me to stop just say."

Louis nodded his head as he let out a small breath, waiting with anticipation. He felt the tip of Harry's finger press against his hole, making him tingle at the unfamiliar feeling. He gasped when Harry's finger slowly eased inside, making him stretch around the single digit.

"Is that ok, Louis?" Harry asked, not wanting to hurt Louis at all. He began to slowly move his finger in and out after Louis had nodded in response, allowing his finger to work towards stretching him open.

While Harry continued to get him ready, Louis concentrated on controlling his breathing. He felt a slight sting when Harry added a second finger and began to slide both of them in and out of him, stretching him even more. He continuously let out little gaps and moans at the new sensations that took over his body.

"I think you're ready now, babe." Harry told, carefully pulling his fingers back out of Louis. He ripped the foil packet of the condom to roll it down his hard cock before he spread more of the lube all over him, making sure he was covered with enough of it for Louis' sake. "Remember to say if you need me to stop. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me." Louis assured, starting to feel more excited than nervous as Harry moved closer and held on to his thighs.

With the head of his cock pressing to Louis' hole, Harry slowly pushed himself forward, moving slow to allow Louis to become used to the feeling. He kept his eyes down on Louis to check for any signs of him needing to be stopped as he started up a steady rhythm of thrusting in and out.

"Fuck, Harry." Louis moaned, feeling the stinging sensation be replaced by intense pleasure. He whimpered as he wrapped his hand around his cock, needing to have more contact.

"You look so beautiful like this, Lou." Harry spoke quietly, while he started to pick up the pace of his thrusts. "So gorgeous."

Louis tipped his head back against his pillow and continued to moan, feeling his body tingle and spread with pleasure. He instantly loved the feeling of having Harry inside of him, making him feel so full. His hand around his cock stroked faster, only adding to the pleasure.

Harry moaned as he continuously thrust forward, moving at a quicker pace now. He watched how Louis' hand stroked his cock with a clear expression of arousal on his face, letting Harry see just how much he was enjoying the new kinds of pleasure.

It wasn't long after that Louis felt his stomach muscles tightening and he bucked his hips up from the bed. "Oh, Harry. I'm so close!" He warned, not stopping how his hand quickly stroked his cock, moving up and down until he reached his orgasm while looking up at Harry.

Harry moaned low in his throat as he watched Louis' cum fall to his stomach, on full display for Harry. He groaned and gave a few more thrusts before moaning Louis' name, staying inside of him as his cum filled the condom.

After controlling his heavy breathing, Harry lowered to kiss Louis' lips while he gently pulled himself out. He lifted up then removed the condom to tie the end, looking around the room.

Louis watched from the bed as Harry stood up and dropped the condom into the bin he found at the bottom of the bed, then walked back to lay down next to Louis. He smiled gratefully when Harry wrapped an arm around his body to pull him closer to him, making Louis feel safe and loved.

"Thank you, Harry." Louis whispered, looking up into Harry's eyes. He smiled when Harry lowered his head to softly kiss Louis' lips, making his stomach flutter.

"You're welcome, Lou." Harry answered, resting his head against the top of Louis'.

As they lay in a comfortable silence, Louis kept a smile on his face, feeling so grateful that Harry had come into his life. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so happy, now always with a smile on his face because of the boy who had sent him a message all those months ago.