Chapter Text
‘You shouldn’t have told him.’
The way Kate squares her jaw, looks at Rana so defiantly would enrage Rana if she could feel anything but absolute despair right now. Kate has always been so headstrong, convinced her way is always the best way. In the past Rana's enjoyed that trait - her self confidence has, at the right moment, helped to bolster Rana's.
As it is, now there’s just a cold, aching numbness flooding through her body as stares at the floor. Looking at Kate is too much to deal with right now. ‘I had to.’
'Why? ’ Rana cries. The word is high-pitched, sharp; it saws through both of them. She feels some grim satisfaction in seeing Kate wince. ‘Why would you have to ?’
Kate shakes her head distantly. Her eyes are unfocused, and she seems out of it, somehow - perhaps the funeral or the adrenaline from dealing with Zeedan. Kate does not cope well under pressure, Rana is finding. Neither of them do. It’s a wonder they made it this far.
She gestures fruitlessly with her hands, trying to construct some sort of flimsy excuse. She doesn't believe it though, Rana knows, because there's little conviction in her voice, just panic. ‘I - I couldn't go on like this. Zeedan was out here thinking it was Aaron or Daniel, and when he came in he was basically about to smash Robert’s face in. Someone was about to get hurt. I had to do something.’
Rana gulps.
‘So... You’d rather I get hurt?’
A pause, where Rana lets the full weight of the statement sit in the air; in her peripheral she thinks she sees Kate swallow, too. That's all they ever do around each other anyway: choke back words and emotions because the truth is too heavy.
‘Rana ...’ She says it in a whisper and it reminds Rana of so many times she's cried in front of Kate and she's said her name that way Kate’s arm twitches, like she’s about to reach for her, but thinks better of it. Rana knows that instinct. It’s the same one that’s made her want to comfort Kate every time she’s seen her cry over the past month or so, even after Kate broke her heart. The same one that makes her want to vomit when she sees Sophie taking up that mantle, instead. ‘You said yourself that it was better that things were over between us. Zeedan knew half the story already.’
‘Do you seriously not have any idea what you've done?’
Kate’s face twists with confusion. She’s puzzled. Fucking puzzled. As quietly as Rana says it, she makes sure Kate can hear every note of pain in her voice.
‘I told you about how my family would react. I told you. Now Zeedan knows, it's only a matter of time before they find out. And when they do, they're going to cut me out. I'll have no one then. Not even you, anymore.’ Rana sniffs; a single tear tracks its way down her face and slips into her collar. She smiles bitterly. ‘Is that what you wanted? Do you hate me that much for not telling Zeedan that we were together?
Kate rears back, shocked by the comment. ‘You honestly think that of me?’
‘I don't know what to think of you, anymore,’ says Rana. ‘I thought you understood what kind of situation I was in. How could you not?’ Rana wipes her face; lets out a shaky breath. ‘But if you did get it… That must mean you did it on purpose, to hurt me.’
‘Rana, I...’ Kate trails off. She shakes her head, biting her lip. What can she say? What can she do? The affair is over. If she apologised, could Rana forgive her? If she tried to comfort Rana now, would she let her? Just to feel loved by her one more time? It’s tempting. But she's not sure she could handle having to let go again.
So she starts to leave. However, Kate reaches out and catches her sleeve, pulling her back.
‘I don’t hate you,’ Kate blurts out. Her eyes are red rimmed now; not a patch on Rana’s of course, which feel like they’ve been raw for weeks. ‘I couldn't. I don’t know how. I’m just... Things got so mixed up, I wasn’t thinking... I wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt you. But no matter what, I don’t hate you. I can tell you that.’
Rana blinks at her, then puts on her tried and tested False Smile. It’s starting to feel more natural than her real one.
‘Sometimes I wish I hated you,’ she responds. ‘It'd be easier.’
Her shoulder brushes Kate's as she walks past, leaving her alone in the kitchen. This time Kate doesn't try to stop her, but she does hear a faint sob behind her as she shuts the door.