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There was light streaming through the window and directly into Bucky’s face which, why? Bucky rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, moaning when the distinct scent of sex and sweat and Steve all hit him.
Along with the unmistakable scent of Steve’s blood.
“What the fuck?!” Bucky groaned, cracking one eye open to look around the bedroom for his erstwhile lover and finding him nowhere. His movements were sluggish and his head actually hurt, which was odd given that he wasn’t technically supposed to get something so mundane as headaches. But this didn’t feel like a headache. This felt like what he vaguely remembered hangovers had felt like Before.
Eventually, after dragging himself out of bed and pulling on sweatpants and a shirt, he wandered out into the living room and found Steve hunched over the island practically shovelling eggs and bacon into his mouth. Usually Bucky found perverse amusement in watching Steve eat like food was going out of style but today there was something...off. There was a pallor to Steve’s skin and the telltale fading traces of twin bite marks just above the collar of his t-shirt.
Fuck. What the fuck had happened last night?
“Mornin’ Buck! Coffee?” Steve was smiling at him brightly but Bucky couldn’t form words. “Bucky?” His smiled dimmed as he made a move towards Bucky, who immediately went to the far opposite side of the room.
“Steve...what happened last night?” There were flashes...Bucky went to the club to feed. Some HYDRA douche tried to use those fucking trigger words on him but they’d stopped working when the drugs wore off. But then things got blurry...he could tell he’d fed, and fed well. How else could he explain the hangover other than a feeding hangover? And the marks on Steve’s neck…”Did I? You know? I remember you being in the alley behind the club after that HYDRA prick tried to trigger me. I didn’t attack you, did I?”
Steve moved slowly, telegraphing every movement as he sat down on the couch in the middle of the room. “No, you didn’t attack me. Well, not in the alley. But I did follow you and I do know about...you. About what you are.”
“That I’m a vampire.”
“Yeah. But don’t worry. This,” Steve motioned to the mark on his neck “This was completely voluntary. Actually, it was my idea.” A blush crept up Steve’s neck and into his face rapidly and more events from the previous night slotted into place. Bucky on his knees in front of Steve...and feeding from him after.
“Wow okay...so you’re the reason I’m hungover this morning. Good to know.” He relaxed enough to let himself sit down beside Steve, who was still blushing brightly. “What’s with the rosy cheeks, Stevie? That’s not the first time we’ve gone ‘til all hours. Or is it?” Steve shook his head no. “Then what’s up?” Bucky knocked their shoulders together and Steve grinned.
“Nothin’. I just...it’s just felt like you were holding something back because you were and now I know.” He had that goofy smile on his face that Bucky couldn’t help but love and it stayed there for a few minutes until Bucky could tell things were about to get serious. “But what I don’t get is why keep it a secret?”
Bucky couldn’t keep the incredulous look off of his face. “Seriously? You’re seriously asking me why I kept this,” he let his canines extend, “a secret?” He left them extended only fractionally longer than needed because he didn’t miss Steve’s pupils widening and his pulse speeding up at seeing them but that was for later so he retracted them. “Gee I can’t imagine why I would keep it a secret. Maybe because I’m done being a lab rat.”
The quiet hung around them thickly. Steve’s hands were fidgeting, which meant his brain was on overdrive thinking about God only knew what. Bucky opened his mouth to speak but Steve beat him to the punch. “I have questions.”
“I might have answers.” He didn’t like where this was going but he owed Steve whatever answers he could give. Steve got quiet again, hands wringing themselves and eyes darting back and forth like he was looking over a mental list. “Jesus just ask whatever it is you’re thinking.”
“Well how...I mean. I know you’re a…” There was hesitation, which annoyed Bucky but he refused to say the word for Steve since he needed to get used to saying it. “I know you’re a vampire but how. I mean...I know it had to have been HYDRA, right? You weren’t bitten by another vampire or something, were you?”
This Bucky could answer. “No I wasn’t bitten by another vampire. In fact, I’ve never met another vampire. The only thing I know was I woke up with this,” he motioned with his left arm, “and a terrible bloodlust. Tore through half a dozen guards before they tranqed me enough to keep me down. Even then, I wasn’t out. I could still hear them. Schmidt had been tinkering with mystical objects and Zola used some of them to tweak the serum. Apparently, one of them gave the serum all the benefits they were after but with some unexpected side effects. After that, it’s a blur. I think that’s when they started with the drugs and the mind-wipes.” He sank back into the couch, curling in on himself out of reflex and habit.
“But you heal so quickly...how were they even able to wipe you?”
“No fucking clue but they were able to. I’m still getting pieces back. I think it had to do with the fact that they never let me drink human blood. Or blood at all for that matter. They had this substitute. Nasty shit that they brewed up in a lab somewhere that was full of the same nutrients as blood but without giving me any of the extra strength or healing. They kept me just strong and fast enough to use but also dependent enough on them to control.”
Steve was up and walking around, which meant he was processing everything Bucky was saying. As far as everything went, it was a good sign. The alternative was him running for the hills. “So you never fed on...people? I mean before going to that club?”
Oh shit. Bucky broke out in a cold sweat. This was not something he wanted to talk about ever. It was one thing for Steve to know about the people HYDRA had him kill. That was out of his control...this was something else. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to Steve ever. “I didn’t say that.” He closed his eyes against the images that started to flash through his mind. Missions where his handlers hadn’t gotten to him in time to stop him from tearing people...innocent people...apart. “There were times…” Bucky took a deep breath. “There were extended missions where I was out on my own and my handlers didn’t include enough of that substitute or get to me in time post mission and things got...bad.” He wanted to look up but he was afraid of seeing terror or, worse, revulsion on Steve’s face so Bucky stared at his own hands, rubbing them together as if trying to scrub off blood that had long since been washed away. He heard Steve kneel down moments before he felt Steve’s hands closed around his, stilling his movements and drawing Bucky’s eyes up. There was no horror or revulsion in his bright blue eyes. Just a sadness that had become commonplace when Bucky had, rarely, talked about what had been done to him. Silence enveloped them again but it wasn’t oppressive or even fraught with any kind of emotion. It was just quiet with Steve’s thumbs tracing back and forth over Bucky’s hands, a smile on his face.
“So...how did you go so long without...an incident after the Triskelion?” Steve’s voice was soft and concerned but not accusatory. He was worried, Bucky could see the concern written on his face and in his eyes.
“Oh I uhh cleared out some safe houses I remembered, stocked up on the substitute, and rationed it like you wouldn’t believe. Especially once you found me. I couldn’t risk hurting you...not again.” Bucky decided to keep to himself that, early on, one of his recurring nightmares was running out of the substitute and attacking Steve once the hunger got to the point where he couldn’t stop himself.
Steve, ever one who could sense how upset Bucky was regardless of how hard he was trying to hide it, fought the shit-eating grin that was slowly spreading across his face. “There is one thing I don’t understand.”
“This oughta be good…” Bucky mused.
“Why don’t you sparkle in sunlight like what’s his name from Twilight?” The words barely made it out of his mouth between the stifled giggles before Bucky had Steve flat on his back, chuckling to himself as well.
“You’re such an asshole sometimes I swear.” He straddled Steve’s hips, mindful of how Steve arched up into him. “Do I look like the bastard son of Dracula and Tinkerbell?” Bucky had Steve’s hands pinned above his head but only barely. He could’ve freed himself if he’d wanted to.
“I dunno, Buck, you do have that whole dark and brooding thing going on…” Steve bit his lower lip the way that drove Bucky to distraction and Bucky answered by grinding his hips back down into Steve’s.
Steve had his hands free and was pulling Bucky down to him but stopped with a sharp intake of breath. Bucky lept off Steve and sat to one side looking him over. “Your stab wound still hasn’t healed. Why?” He had Steve’s shirt up and saw a trace amount of blood on the gauze covering the wound before his hands were batted away and realization dawned on him. “This is because I fed on you. Dammit.” Bucky was up and across the room practically in the blink of an eye.
Steve called his name but Bucky was retreating into his room, keeping himself away from Steve. How could he have been so stupid as to feed on Steve, especially when he’d known he was hurt? Steve’s accelerated healing had its limits and blood loss made it worse. He’d seen that in the wake of their fight on the helicarrier when all the bullet wounds and internal damage had Steve laid up in the hospital for the better part of a week. Now a stab wound that should’ve healed already was still fresh because Bucky couldn’t keep his fangs out of Steve.
Bucky crawled into bed and willed himself back to sleep, secretly praying for no nightmares but knowing he wouldn’t be so lucky this time. Sleep would slow down how fast his body burned through last night’s feeding. Beyond that, he’d have to figure things out.
Nightmares haunted him. Instead of faceless victims, they were all Steve. Everywhere Bucky turned, he was surrounded by Steve’s lifeless face, body drained of blood. He woke up crying, frantically looking around until he remembered where he was and that Steve was safely away from him. Bucky curled up in the corner farthest from the door and tried to sleep as much as he could.
Steve knocked the next morning, trying to lure him out with coffee and breakfast but Bucky didn’t budge so much as an inch. He listened carefully to the hushed conversations Steve was trying to have with Natasha, Sam, Clint, and Wanda.
“But I thought he was doing better?” Wanda was on the couch, her voice the quietest of them.
“He’s...well, it’s just a bad day.”
“He skipped out on the medical follow-up. Could that have anything to do with it?” Sam was in the kitchen so his voice was a little clearer and full of concern.
“Whatever the reason, he just needs his space.” Clint was matter of fact.
“Pushing him to talk will just drive him back into his shell.” And there was Natasha. “He knows we’re here if he needs us.” That was meant for him to hear but still Bucky stayed curled in his corner, glaring at the door. He listened as they filed out, Steve whispering something unintelligible even to his enhanced hearing as Sam left.
After a few minutes, there was a series of short, soft knocks on Bucky’s door. “Hey Buck? I’m headed out to debrief with Maria about yesterday’s op. I’ll be back later.” He heard Steve wait for a response and sigh when he didn’t get one.
Eventually, Bucky lost track of how long he stayed holed up in his room but he knew it had to have been days because the hunger started, a pain under his skin like the electricity of the chair but not as harsh. When his eyes would close and visions of Steve torn apart would flood his brain, he pushed that pain aside. But then came the ache along every nerve in his body and when he could feel the stretch and pull of every muscle, each breath painful and his lungs burned not from lack of oxygen but his body was starved of blood. His mind was buzzing but confusion danced on the edges of his consciousness. Bucky had to get out of the apartment to feed soon.
There were hands, soft and gentle, petting his hair but Bucky had no idea what was going on. He’d never gone this long without feeding on something, even that God awful substitute, before and his body was shutting down on him. Bucky fought to open his eyes but his eyelids were ledden and he lacked the strength to open them. His tongue was thick in his mouth, not able to form the words his brain was trying to supply. A voice drifted through the fog, repeating his name over and over, lulling him back to sleep.
The nightmares faded into a dreamless sleep and Bucky was able to rest. He knew, on some level, this shouldn’t be happening but his body and mind were beyond exhausted that he didn’t care. He could heard people talking but couldn’t make out the words beyond his name and medical jargon. Bucky knew, somehow, that he wasn’t in medical, however, but still in his bed.
He woke up to the warm colors of the setting sun casting strange shadows around his room. He stretched but there was a twinge in his right arm that drew his gaze and Bucky saw an IV with a tube supplying a blood transfusion. That explained the restful sleep. Just beyond the IV stand sat Steve, quietly watching Bucky and looking at him as if waiting.
“Hey…” Bucky’s voice was laden with sleep and still slow from exhaustion but Steve seemed to take it in stride.
“How you feelin’? You’re on your second transfusion.”
He looked around to make sure nobody else was around or in earshot, thankful not for the first time that their floor was free from Tony’s AI. “Do I wanna know how you managed this?”
“Had to promise to let a nurse come check on you. Said you probably lost more blood than we thought and it caught up with you. You’re lucky your favorite nurse was on duty. She got the IV in.” Bucky waited quietly as Steve called the nurse down to come check and make sure everything was okay.
“Looks like you’ll live but do me a favor and don’t make this a habit? One, you’re like one of my least annoying patients so I like to keep those around. Two, if I start making house calls for you then I have to start making house calls for everybody. There’s a disposal container for the bags and tubes as well as a container for the IV cannula in the living room. Just bring the stand back to medical when you’re done. And next time, tough guy?” Rachel mock glared at Bucky. “Come to medical after a mission if you get so much as a damned papercut. Understood?” Bucky nodded. “Good. I’m out.”
Steve walked Rachel out and Bucky watched the rest of the blood run from the bag into his vein through the thin plastic tube, mesmerized by its path. He removed the IV carefully and disconnected the cannula from the tube to drain the contents of the bag quicker. Steve walked back in with the disposal container just as Bucky was emptying the bag.
“I figured that’s what you’d do as soon as you were awake. Another reason I wanted to keep you here.” Steve’s voice was calm and soothing “Wanna tell me what happened?”
“I hurt you.” Bucky’s word were rushed and he spoke them practically on top of Steve’s question, leaving Steve with a confused look on his face. “In the living room, you were still hurt because I’d fed on you and your stab wound hadn’t healed because of the blood loss from me feeding on you.” He wouldn’t look at Steve because he didn’t know what he’d see if he did. Would he see hurt, betrayal, anger, fear? All of them? None? So he just stared at his hands or feet or the ground. He saw Steve do something and come to stand right in front of him but he didn’t say anything, forcing Bucky to look up. There wasn’t so much as a mark where he’d been stabbed.
“No scar or nothin’. Good as new, Buck.” Steve took both of Bucky’s hands and placed them on his hips. “I’m not as fragile as you think I am.”
“Or maybe you’re more delicate than you like to let on.” Bucky let his head rest right above the waistband of Steve’s sweatpants, the warmth of the skin melting into his own. “I know you think you’re invincible but, dammit, Steve, I could hurt you so easily.” He tightened his fingers on Steve’s hips until he knew there would be bruises and looked up to see Steve squirm just a bit. “I know where and how hard to bite to ensure the quickest exsanguination possible. And you’d let me, wouldn’t you?” He watched for any sign that Steve would argue but of course there wasn’t one. “And that’s why I locked myself in here away from you. You have no self preservation instinct.” Bucky pushed Steve back and retreated back to his bed but Steve, apparently, had other things in mind, pushing Bucky back against his pillows and flat out sitting on Bucky’s thighs.
“I do so have a self preservation instinct. I could’ve pushed my way in here and demanded to know what was wrong. Hell, I could’ve stormed in here four days ago when I figured out you were intentionally starving yourself but I didn’t. The only reason I had to step up when I did was because I honestly didn’t know how long you could go before something really bad would happen to you. Even then, I came in wearing my full kevlar lined suit complete with the shield just in case.” Steve ran his thumbs under the hem of Bucky’s shirt and along the edge of the pajama pants Bucky had put on days ago. Bucky groaned.
“Which suit? Not the stealth one...please tell me I didn’t miss you in the stealth suit.” Bucky closed his eyes, imagining Steve bursting through his door in the stealth suit.
“‘fraid so. I figured, worst case scenario, it was the one best able to hide bloodstains. I never knew you had a thing for me in the stealth suit.” He heard the grin in Steve’s voice before he even opened his eyes.
“Anybody with eyes and a heartbeat has a thing for you in that suit, Stevie.” Bucky raked his eyes up Steve’s naked torso, licking his lips as he went. “The way you move is goddamned illegal sometimes I swear.” He slid his hands down the back of Steve’s sweatpants, fingernails scratching just hard enough to raise welts.
“In that case, I might just have to switch up the suit I wear since I know you have a preference.” Steve maneuvered Bucky out of his shirt before leaning down and pressing himself against Bucky, nuzzling at the base of his throat with a contented hum.
“You’re a goddamned menace, Rogers. Don’t think I’m oblivious to your ulterior motives here. Taking your shirt off, plastering yourself all on top of me.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Steve said in between kisses and nibbles along his jaw and Bucky couldn’t stop the smirk that broke out along his face.
“Sure you don’t. Like I said...menace.” Bucky turned his head and met Steve’s mouth with a kiss, light and playful at first but escalating quickly. Bucky’s hands roamed over Steve’s chest, wrapping around his waist to pull him closer still until Steve managed to wriggle out of Bucky’s arms and away from his kiss. He only moved far enough away to divest the both of them of their respective sleep pants and slide back up to capture Bucky’s mouth in another searing kiss.
“I just remember something about saying how you needed to fuck me into the mattress not too long ago.” Steve maneuvered them around until he was pressed into the pillows with Bucky gazing down on him with what must have been a questioning look. “Well I figured after the transfusions and showing that I was all healed up…”
Deciding that words would be a truly pathetic response to the openness and downright longing he was seeing in Steve’s eyes, Bucky grinned darkly, tongue tracing his top lip slowly as he reached over and grabbed the lube from the bedside table. He felt Steve shiver, which caused goosebumps to break out along his skin. Steve pressed his hard length against Bucky’s with a shit-eating grin of his own. Bucky pressed a quick kiss to that smile before sliding down, dropping kissing and playful bites, until he was sitting back on his heels with Steve’s thighs splayed open in front of him.
For the first time in he couldn’t remember when, all he felt was desire mixed with lust, longing, and just love. The bloodlust that had become more a constant companion than Steve had ebbed to the farthest reaches of his psyche, allowing Bucky to soak in the fact that he had himself back and, more than that, Steve. He paused to drag his gaze all over Steve, from his messy hair and sparkling eyes to his slightly kiss-wrecked lips, the bottom of which was caught between his teeth, the way Bucky could vaguely remember he used to do Before. There was fine sheen of sweat that had broken out across Steve’s chest and legs and Bucky delighted in the sensation.
“Uhh Buck...you okay up there?” Steve’s voice was hoarse but not with fear.
“Yeah. Can’t I just appreciate the view?”
Steve answered with a flush that started at the top of his head and Bucky knew went all the way to his toes. “So that’s the reason for…” Steve’s poked at his own normal canines, cluing Bucky into the fact that his canines had extended.
“What can I say, you look good enough to eat.” Not missing a beat, he leaned down and licked a stipe from the base of Steve’s hard length to the underside of the head of his cock, careful to only use his tongue to keep his canines out of reach. The results gasping moan was music to his ears. He grinned again, popping the top of the lube and liberally squeezing the slick substance to his right hand. Steve, practically on cue, hitched his legs wider and canted his hips up for Bucky to slide one finger in then another before Steve could anticipate the addition. He heard Steve’s breath hitch for a split second before relaxing even more, both actions making Bucky’s already borderline painful erection even harder, if that was possible. Bucky adjusted his position between his lover’s legs as well as the angle of his fingers to just barely hit Steve’s prostate, a bigger grin breaking out at Steve’s borderline howl of pleasure that turned into a keen as Bucky added a third finger. He rotated his fingers and scissored them, making sure to take more time than was particularly necessary opening Steve but he was being particularly vocal. Bucky could swear his canines were throbbing, too. That was definitely a new thing.
“I swear to God, Buck, if you’re not inside me soon, you’ll be the one becoming one with this mattress.” Well, with such an impassioned plea…
Bucky withdrew his fingers and squeezed more lube onto his fingers to spread along his achingly hard dick quickly before lining himself up with Steve and pressing in at an agonizingly slow pace, wringing a string of curses out of Steve and testing the limits of his own self-restraint. When he bottomed out, his pubic bone resting against Steve’s ass, Bucky let out a ragged breath. Even with the prep, Steve was tight and he could practically feel Steve’s pulse speed up around his dick. Bucky could tell Steve was impatient for him to move but the urge to sink his fangs into Steve flared up, like the need to take his next breath. Bucky closed his eyes, raking his nails up and down Steve’s thighs as he got himself under control. But Steve wouldn’t be appeased, clenching his muscles around Bucky’s cock, silently begging him to move.
“God you have no idea what you do to me, do you? Laid out like this? You really do look good enough to devour.” He hissed, no malice to the words, just desire dripping thick.
“You can, you know. I trust you.” Bucky’s eyes snapped open to see honesty written all over his face, Steve literally placing his life in Bucky’s hands. It was too much. Buck withdrew until he was almost completely out of Steve and slammed back in, the motion rocking them both further up the bed, the pillows the only barrier between Steve’s hard head and the not as hard wall. Bucky didn’t stop, repeating the movement until they had to do a coordinated scoot down until they were in the middle of the bed again. The bed frame creaked with each thrust as if protesting to the vigor of their lovemaking. Bucky propped himself up on his left arm, his right hand gripped Steve’s left, their fingers entwined. Steve turned, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s left wrist but the movement changed to Steve’s head thrown back, eyes closed and mouth open in a perfect O shape, his entire neck bared to Bucky. He acted on pure instinct, leaning down and sinking his fangs deep into Steve’s neck, his own moan muffled by the warm, rich blood that was flowing into him. He felt himself coming completely undone, emptying himself into Steve as Steve’s orgasm throbbed around him. The pleasure and passion was there, flowing over Bucky’s tongue even as he felt himself slide from Steve’s body. His canines receded from Steve’s flesh as well, one last cat-like lick to the wounds before they were separate entities again.
Bucky disentangled himself from Steve’s legs and laid down beside him to the right, Steve instinctively curling up into his side with a sigh. They were both out of breath which, for them, was a novel experience. Steve’s eyes were closed but Bucky felt like he was about to come out of his skin while also wanting to sleep.
“So that was…” Steve was breathless and there was a smile in his voice.
“Yeah.” Bucky pressed a kiss to his forehead but his eyes were drawn to the twin bite marks on his neck. “You sure you were okay with that?” Steve sat up and looked down at him, trying and failing to use a version of his ‘I’m disappointed in your shit’ look.
“Why do you think I came so quick? That was just...I can’t put it into words but yeah I was definitely okay with that.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to Bucky’s, catching him off guard enough so he could lick into his mouth. Bucky tried to move away, not wanting Steve to taste the blood still in his mouth but, when he found himself pinned to the bed and kissed within an inch of his life, Bucky realized that’s exactly what Steve wanted so he gave in, letting Steve kiss him but running his tongue along Steve’s lazily and eventually into Steve’s mouth until they broke apart.
“Like I said, a goddamned menace.”