Chapter Text
Unknown number [3:15AM]
i donnt know whi you are
i don t knoww waht you want
THIGHS [3:16AM]
Uhm...
Unknown number [3:16AM]
F YOU AARE LOOKGNI FOR RANSOM I CA N TELL YOU I DONT HAVE NAY MONEY
THIGHS [3:17AM]
Same lol
Unknown number [3:19AM]
DUUUUUUUUUUUDE
u threw off m y groove
:^(
THIGHS [3:20AM]
Sorry, sorry
My bad
Please continue
Unknown number [3:21AM]
Thxx xoxo
so
BUT I I DO HAVE IS A VERRY PARTICULAR SE T OF SKILLS
SKILLS I HVE AQCUIRED OVEER A VERY LONG CAREER
;)
THIGHS [3:23AM]
Thrilling
Why the winky face, though
What skills are you talking about
?
Unknown number [3:25AM]
;) ;) ;)
THIGHS [3:26AM]
That’s unnerving
Unknown number [3:27AM]
oH YEAH BABY TALK DIRRRTY TO M E
THIGHS [3:28AM]
I CHOKED
Unknown number [3:29AM]
u kno what u cud be c hoking on instead???
;)
THIGHS [3:32AM]
…
This is not what I envisioned my Thursday night like
At all
Unknown number [3:33AM]
A POPSICLE
:D :D :D
THIGHS [3:34AM]
Wait, what?
Unknown number [3:35AM]
yeh bOY
I WANT ICE CREAMM
THIGHS [3:36AM]
It’s February
In the AM
It’s cold as balls outside
And you are craving ice cream
?????
Unknown number [3:37AM]
r u judging me rn
is that judgment iN UR VOICE
THIGHS [3:37AM]
Yes
Unknown number [3:38AM]
ouch
THIGHS [3:39AM]
I pride myself on being honest
Unknown number [3:41AM]
U HURT MY FEELINGS, MA DUDE
i am smol aand jstu want an popsicle
and here u r judING ME
I CRI
THIGHS [3:43AM]
Oh no
Please don’t cry
Unknown number [3:45AM]
TOO LATE
I HOPE U FEEL GUILTY
SSO GUIMTY U CANT SLEEP TONITE
MEANIE
THIGHS [3:48AM]
Wow
Rude
The only reason I can’t sleep right now it’s because you’re texting me
And /keep/ texting me
How’d you even get my number
Who are you
What do you want from me
Unknown number [3:50AM]
WHOA
slow down teher buddy
thats a lotta qwestions
THIGHS [3:51AM]
Don’t you think I’m entitled to ask them
?
Unknown number [3:52AM]
fair enough
sp
so*
ur number was givvn to me by frens
we were playinn truth or daarz
an d i am wASTED
so bein the stupid kid i am (so NAÏVE dude) i trust said frens first to pick dare instade f truht & then to text teh taken phone call to a rando
which turns out to bee u
sorreh
THIGHS [3:58AM]
That explains it, I guess
lolololol
Also explains why you’re awake at 4am on a Thursday
Who might this said friend be
?
Unknown number [4:01AM]
my best frens
my better halves (thirds?)
my platonic husbandds
my chimchim my taehyungie
theyree so gross i lov them
fuckers
THIGHS [4:05AM]
Now I’m jealous
I want someone like that too
:c
Unknown number [4:06AM]
NOOO DONUT BE SA
D
but yeh lmaooooo i understand
THIGHS [4:07AM]
:c
Unknown number [4:08AM]
<3
THIGHS [4:10AM]
:D
Unknown number [4:11AM]
:D
Unknown number [6:24AM]
i just got home
safe and sound
xoxoxooxoxooxoxoxooxoxox
THIGHS [7:31AM]
That’d good, kid
Or not kid
I have no clue what your age could be
Or who your friend is
The one who had my number saved
What was I even saved as
?
Unknown number [1:18PM]
wtf
how did you go to sleep at past 4am
and managed to wake up at 7??????
on a friday morning
jesus christ
respect
also, to answer your question
i’m a 21 yo college student
and your number was on jiminie’s phone
in mine you’re now saved as ‘THIGHS’
cos tae showed me a pic of you
(zoomed in so i could only see your thighs cos gotdamn)
and dAMN BABY
THIGHS [1:24PM]
Jiminie
?
OHHHH WAIT
Park Jimin
?
& I had to go to class, it’s not like I could skip this one
& ‘thighs’, really
Unknown number [1:28PM]
the one and only!!!
& yeh lol
hasn’t anyone told you your thighs are out-of-this-world?
very nice 10/10 would bite
THIGHS [1:33PM]
Only once I’ve been told that my thighs were biteable
Taehyung
Was the first thing he ever told me, and it made me blush so hard I thought my head was gonna explode lol
I was so mortified I refused to say another word to him
Took me three months to be able to look him in the face again
Good times
Unknown number [1:36PM]
YOU KNOW TAE-HYUNG?????????
THIGHS [1:38PM]
Yes lol
Good kid
Unknown number [1:38PM]
you know both jiminie and tae
how come we’ve never met before
dUDE
THIGHS [1:40PM]
Do you call everyone dude, or
?
Also, it might be because we aren’t really friends
I mean
I know them, they know me
I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of Taehyung barging into my apartment, drunk off his ass, just to sleep on /my/ bed
Unknown number [1:45PM]
sorry hahaha bad habit
but really
if tae goes to you when he’s drunk it means he trusts you wITH HIS LIFE
so you’re definitely friends w him
THIGHS [1:47PM]
Oh
Unknown number [1:47PM]
why are you so surprised
???????
THIGHS [1:48PM]
I’m not the most… sociable individual, I guess
?
So, yeah
I’m surprised Taehyung actually might consider me a friend
Unknown number [1:50PM]
don’t be
i’m sure he liked you very much
i’m still pissed at him that he kept you away from me tho
cos /thighs/
you’ve been blessed babe
i mean,,,,,,,,
(this is the pic tae showed me btw)
[attached image]
THIGHS [1:54PM]
I choked
Unknown number [1:55PM]
you seem to choke a lot
;)
THIGHS [1:56PM]
Kid
What the fuck
Unknown number [1:57PM]
hahahahhahahaha
sorry
i swear i’m not a fuckboy
THIGHS [1:58PM]
So far, you’ve shown me no evidence whatsoever to support that particular argument
So excuse me if I don’t believe you
Unknown number [1:59PM]
uhm
fair enough
sorry
can i try then to prove the fact that i’m not a fuckboy????
please?
:^)
THIGHS [4:12PM]
Sorry, I had class again and the professor is a hardass about tech in general so as soon as he sees a phone he loses his marbles
Did not wanna risk that today
It’s Friday after all
“Not a fuckboy” [5:09PM]
no worries!!!!
jiminie and tae came over to my dorm
both hangover lol
losers
THIGHS [5:11PM]
And you didn’t/don’t have a hangover
?
“Not a fuckboy” [5:12PM]
that is,,,,
besides the point
THIGHS [5:14PM]
That’s a ‘yes’ if I’ve ever seen one
But you’re a tough little cookie, aren’t you
?
“Not a fuckboy” [5:15PM]
are you mocking me
:c
THIGHS [5:18PM]
Hahahhahaha
No
I’d never
<3
“Not a fuckboy” [5:19PM]
://///
anyhoooooo -_-’
got any plans for tonight?
THIGHS [5:26PM]
Yes
“Not a fuckboy” [5:27PM]
really? gonna party???
THIGHS [5:31PM]
No
“Not a fuckboy” [5:31PM]
????????
whatchu gonna do then???
THIGHS [5:35PM]
Not party, that’s for sure
“Not a fuckboy” [5:37PM]
lame
listen
there’s
this houseparty thing
going on tonight, and i’m going with jiminie and tae?
so if you wanna come with
the guys will be very ok w it
:D
THIGHS KNJ [5:41PM]
Listen, kid
I appreciate the offer
But have you never heard of stranger danger
?
“Not a fuckboy” [5:43PM]
I AM NOT A KID
I AM A 21 YEAR OLD MAN
A GROWN ASS ADULT
THIGHS [5:48PM]
A kid lol
I quote: “I am smol aand jstu want an popsicle”
You have terrible grammar when you’re drunk btw
“Not a fuckboy” [5:51PM]
how old are you then????
also, that’s true, can’t even argue lmao
THIGHS [5:53PM]
I’m 24
“Not a fuckboy” [5:53PM]
niCE
;)
THIGHS [5:54PM]
…
I’m speechless
“Not a fuckboy” [5:55PM]
;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
can i
like
be your baby boy
i’ll treat you well
<3
THIGHS [5:56PM]
StOP
YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME
????????????
“Not a fuckboy” [5:57PM]
but i wanna!!!!!
so
let’s play 20 questions
;)
THIGHS [5:59PM]
What have I done to deserve this
“Not a fuckboy” [5:59PM]
:c
THIGHS [6:00PM]
Okay, okay
I’ll play along
Should I start, or
?
“Not a fuckboy” [6:00PM]
:D
YAAY
THIGHS [6:01PM]
Cute
“Not a fuckboy” [6:02PM]
[attached image]
the cutest
;)
THIGHS [6:03PM]
…
True
“Not a fuckboy” [6:04PM]
hjbflhqbflq
i mean
thanks hehe
i know
;)
THIGHS [6:04PM]
Welcome
So
“Not a fuckboy” [6:05PM]
SO
first question
THIGHS [6:06PM]
First question: am I gonna regret agreeing to this
?
“Not a fuckboy” [6:06PM]
ajbdfkqsbfs
what kinds of question even,,,,,,
meanie
>:c
THIGHS [6:07PM]
WELLLLLLLLL
?????
“Not a fuckboy” [6:08PM]
never <3333
THIGHS [6:08PM]
I’ll keep you to it
“Not a fuckboy” [6:08PM]
:D
my turn!!!!
do you like dogs or cats????
THIGHS [6:09PM]
Gotta be honest here for a second and admit I did not see this sort of question coming
Answer:
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN PURE HAPPINESS AND ABSOLUTE DELIGHT
WHAT THE HELL, KID
It’s a shitty question
Why do people expect the answer to be one OR the other
Like
It’s annoying
WHY CAN’T IT BE BOTH
?????????
“Not a fuckboy” [6:12PM]
whoa
THIGHS [6:12PM]
I’m terribly sorry
I got carried away
Got nasty flashbacks to when I came out as bisexual
Some people expected me to choose a fucking SIDE as if my sexual identity didn’t count and it hadn’t taken me a lot of fucking courage to even admit to myself that I wasn’t straight
It just gets me so MAD
Oh, god
I did it again
I’m sorry
“Not a fuckboy” [6:15PM]
it’s okay!!!!!
i understand your frustration
and i’m happy w your answer :)))))
<3
your turn!!
THIGHS [6:16PM]
Thanks haha
Uhm okay
What do you know about me so far
?
“Not a fuckboy” [6:17PM]
HAHHAHA not much
:/
like
i know you’re 24 y/o, that you’re friends w jiminie and tae-hyung, that you’re bi, that you apparently take your studies very seriously (which i admire a lot lol pls teach me your ways obi wan), i know you love both puppers and kittens (pls marry me), that you seem like a good person
oh
and also
you have very bitable thighs
;)
THIGHS [6:21PM]
Fair enough lololol
God, there you go with the thighs again
“Not a fuckboy” [6:21PM]
but they’re sO NICE
honest
:>
THIGHS [6:22PM]
…
“Not a fuckboy” [6:23PM]
hee hee
<3
my turn!!
when’s your birthday?
mine’s the 1st of september!
THIGHS [6:25PM]
Mine’s the 12th of September
“Not a fuckboy” [6:25PM]
sweet!!!!
so we’re compatible :D
THIGHS [6:26PM]
…
Listen, kid
Your friends set you up for failure when they gave you my number and a pic of my thighs
I
I am not
“Not a fuckboy” [6:31PM]
oh?
how so?
THIGHS [6:32PM]
I’m just
Going to send you the full pic
“Not a fuckboy” [6:32PM]
the thighs one???
blessedt
pls do
:D
THIGHS [6:33PM]
[attached image]
“Not a fuckboy” [6:34PM]
oh
THIGHS [6:34PM]
Sorry, kid