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As I stand in front of her, all I wanted to do was make her feel what I felt, to tell her that I would gladly travel to the ends of the earth for her. I would die for her, I wanted so badly to blurt that out to just lay all my feelings out but I knew that she wasn’t ready to hear them. I know she feels what I feel but she’s not ready. She still has things to work through but does it have to be with him. Why does he get her? He may be a good man but I’m the one she loves. Why does he get to have a part of her? I may not have the right to be jealous but I know deep down she doesn’t truly love him not the way she loves me.
It took me so long to realize that what I felt for her was love deep true love. She is in every part of me heart, body and soul. I just wish she was ready to feel my kind of love. When she has fallen and can’t pick herself up off the ground that’s when she feels my love. When she feels what she does is never enough, when she doesn’t realize things could get this tough that’s when she feels my love.
We could have a life together a damn good life. It won’t always be easy we will fight and argue but we will always find our way to each other. That is what people who were meant to be do. I know I’m not kidding myself I know she feels this, this connection we have why can’t she just say it. As I muster up the strength to tell her things I don’t believe, to fight for him, to make this her home......these words are killing me I can’t breathe as I’m saying these words, my heart breaks a little more with every word.
I finally finish saying what I think she wants to hear. I hug her my chest feels like it’s about to collapse. I can’t say goodbye to her not again. I can’t breathe. I just want to shout come with me, be with me but I can’t be selfish especially if she is not ready......Ahh why can’t I be selfish just this once.
We let go of each other, I hold my tears back until I get ready to leave. We say our parting words she says maybe next time just coffee and I say or save the world whatever happens, she smiles I catch a glimpse of the real Helena not the one hiding. She is still in there trying to figure this out. They have this saying if you set something free and it comes back then you knew it was meant to be. Oh how I hope this is true I don’t know if I can truly let her go, she has my heart and she always will.
We drive away and I can’t bring myself to break eye contact, she doesn’t either I can tell she is struggling with what she feels. I know her better than anyone else and she knows me. I hold everything in as I lose sight of her. All I can think about is was that goodbye forever, in my head I pray more like beg to whoever is listening please don’t let this be it, please help her find her way back to me.......with a sigh I whisper....................Please.