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I lean my head against the window, looking out at the mountains as they turn to grassy plains. The bus rattles and hums with each microscopic imperfection in the road, and I feel it, my headache already bad enough. Rather than explain myself to Nonon, I left her house before she could corner me, and I haven’t seen her for a couple days. I’m glad she’s giving me space, but knowing her, she’ll soon demand that I stop brooding and either tell her what my deal is or move on. I have no idea what I want to do. To be honest, I haven’t thought about it all that much, because Saturday afternoon I got a call from my sister that she was coming to town for her spring break. It’s been a sufficient distraction, but I know I can’t ignore the issue forever, even if I want to. I sigh and close my eyes, trying to push the thoughts to the back of my brain and just focus on the soothing deep house of Zhu, but even my music doesn’t fill me up like it usually does.
Before I know it, the bus exits the highway to get on the airport loop, and I straighten up, knowing that Satsuki will notice if my mind is wandering. Just forget about it for now, think about how you haven’t seen your sister in months. I try to stir up any level of excitement, but it falls flat.
Once the bus pulls into the terminal, I get off and head inside towards the board that has all the flight statuses. I look up and check for Satsuki’s flight, seeing it has already arrived, and I swear under my breath and take off for the baggage claim, hoping to head her off there. However, I spot her right off the bat—back straight, outfit perfectly put together and not a hair out of place. She looks eerily calm considering all the chaos around her; I’ve always admired that ability to be seemingly unaffected by everything, considering literally anything can set me off. I adjust my clothes and walk towards her, pushing through the crowd. Satsuki doesn’t even notice me until I’m right beside her, tapping her shoulder and clearing my throat. She doesn’t turn her head to acknowledge me, rather she just glances over and says, “You’re late.”
“Hey, I can’t control when the buses get here,” I grumble, shoving my hands in my pockets. “Not like you’ve been waiting for me, you don’t even have your luggage.”
“I suppose,” Satsuki says, clearly bored. I roll my eyes, and we turn to the carousel, waiting for her suitcase. Once she grabs it, I lead her over to the correct bus and then we board, moving our way to the sparely filled spots in the back. Satsuki takes the window seat, and I follow her, sitting in the aisle seat. She fumbles in her bag and take out earphones and a pair of dark sunglasses.
“Seriously? You’re going to sleep?” I ask, incredulous.
“Yes, I’m tired. I was unable to fall asleep on the plane.” Satsuki answers as she turn to the song of her choosing and bundles up her jacket, putting it on my shoulder. I start to protest as she leans against me, but I know that it won’t change anything, so I let it happen. The whole ride Satsuki sleeps, and I’m careful not to adjust my position too much and wake her up. Once we arrive at the transit center back home, I gently prod her side.
“Come on Satsuki, we’re here,” I say as she rubs sleep from her eyes. We quickly gather our things and walk back to my apartment—it’s not far. Inside, I dump Satsuki’s crap in my room and boil a pot of water.
“You got tea for me?” Satsuki asks, actually cracking a smile.
“Come on man, like I’d forget the tea.” Satsuki walks over and pats me on head.
“Thanks, Ryuko.” I grin back up at her, and it’s a happy little moment until I hear pounding on the door. Confused, I walk over, and look out the peephole. Standing there is Nonon, anxiously tapping her foot, and I groan. Satsuki glances over, a puzzled look on her face at my reaction, and I turn away from her, flustered. I make a motion that I'll just be a second, and move toward the door. I open it as slightly as I can and slip outside, practically slamming it behind me. “Uh, hey Nonon, this isn’t really a good time-"
“Oh, really Ryuko? Cause I’ve been waiting around for days to hear back from you, you skipped class on Monday, and seriously, what the fuck.”
“I, uh, can’t really talk right now-" And at that precise moment, Satsuki opens the door, because of course she would, why would she listen to me and stay put. Nonon reels away, taken back by the fact that there is another person in my house.
“Who the fuck are you?” Nonon snaps, glaring. Satsuki remains perfectly calm, despite the tense atmosphere.
“I am Ryuko’s older sister, Satsuki Kiryuin. And you are?”
“Wait, Kiryuin? I thought your last name was Matoi.” Nonon says, ignoring Satsuki.
“It’s a long story,” I sigh, “Sis, this is Nonon Jakuzure, a friend from class. Nonon, please play nice.” Nonon looks at me and grunts, but she maintains enough composure to shake Satsuki’s hand.
“Well, Nonon,” Satsuki starts, “we’re about to have a cup of tea, would you care to join us?” Nonon looks taken aback.
“Tea? Are you serious?” When Satsuki just stares at her in response, she squirms. “Uh, sure, I’ll have some tea.”
“Nonononono-" I start, but Satsuki stops me.
“Ryuko, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone besides Mako whom you would refer to as a friend, so I’m curious." I can tell that Satsuki’s not budging when she fixes me with her favorite stare, so I begrudgingly let Nonon inside. As soon as we’re through the door, Satsuki moves to sit on the couch, and Nonon pulls me aside into the kitchen.
“Dude, what’s with the air of superiority and killer legs? Is that really your sister?” she asks in a low voice.
"Yes, that's my sister," I say with a heavy sigh.
"Damn, she's fucking hot." I raise my eyebrows, and Nonon hold up her hands in defense.
"Hey, not even sure what your fucking deal is right now, and you clearly have no interest in enlightening me, so I can try and hit on whoever I want." I instantly flush, and Nonon reels away from me, smirking. I take a deep breath, trying to not lose my shit while Satsuki's here, mentally steaming. Nonon moves toward the living rooms and sit on the couch, close enough to Satsuki where I notice and feel a twinge of annoyance.
"So wait, how much older than Ryuko are you?" Nonon asks, more sincere than she ever been with me.
"We were born about a year apart."
"Are you in school? What do you study?"
"I study business out in New York."
"You seem like the business major type." Even though I can't see Nonon, I can tell she's smirking. Her and Satsuki make small talk as I prepare the tea, getting more and more pissed off at the extra laughs and unnecessary touches that are obvious to me. Satsuki, however is oblivious. I walk into the adjacent room and pass her a cup, and she smiles up at me, clearly pleased to meet someone in my life. I manage a half-smile half-grimace back, and Satsuki frowns. I then turn to Nonon, handing her a cup while pointedly refusing to make eye contact. She huffs but takes it anyways, and I quickly make my way back to the kitchen to grab my own cup. I purposefully sit on the chair adjacent to the couch, separating myself from Nonon, and Satsuki notices.
"Are you guys fighting or something?" she asks, looking back and forth from me to Nonon.
"No," I state flippantly, while Nonon answers a stark "yes" at them same time. Satsuki raises her brow.
"You know what, I'm pretty tired from the flight, I'm going to take a shower. Nonon, if you leave before I'm out, it was nice to meet you." Satsuki says, turning to Nonon and giving her a nod of approval. I stare intently at Satsuki as she gets up, but she only gives me a pointed look back, then turns to walk to the bathroom. Nonon wears a look of mild shock, but sits quietly until the shower starts running. She then turns to me and narrows her eyes.
"What the hell is your problem?" she asks, glaring at me.
"What's my problem? What the hell is your problem? Do you think I'm glad that you came over unannounced? That you're saying my sister is hot and hitting on her right in front of me? Are you fucking kidding me?" Nonon just quirks her brow, and that pisses me off even more. I stand up, and start pacing around the room. "Listen, asshole, I fucking left without saying anything, I get why you'd be mad, but throwing this kind of shit at me is ridiculous. Are you trying to piss me off?" She just sits there, not saying anything, so I do what I usually do, run my mouth until I say something stupid.
"I told you, I fucking told you, I'm not good at this kind of stuff, I mean I fucking cried in front of you like a goddamn baby, I fucking did all this stupid shit, I actually forgot, even if just for a moment that I was molested, I fucking fell, I fell fucking hard, I-" And then I realize what I'm saying, what I'm yelling, and my face heats up like no tomorrow as I see Nonon's eyes widen. "I, um-" I stutter, and Nonon walks over to me, and reaches to try and comfort me.
"Don't touch me," I hiss, slapping her hand away and taking a step back. Nonon doesn't move to touch me again, but shifts uncomfortably, trying to figure out what do with herself. In the end she sits back on the couch and gestures for me to join her. I consider for a moment but ultimately give in, positioning myself as far away from her as I possibly can, hands wrapped around my shins and my head on my knees. We sit there like that, silent for a long time before Nonon clears her throat to speak.
"Look, I'm sorry I was trying to provoke you into talking, that was stupid," she says, scratching at the back of her neck. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but I can listen you know, if you wanna tell me about it."
"It doesn't matter," I start, but then Nonon interrupts me.
"Yes, it does matter. Don't even try and pretend it doesn't matter. This is obviously important to you, one way or another. Don't make light of your own problems." I stare back at her, a conflicted look on my face. "You don't have to tell me now." I don't say anything, I don't move a muscle, I just sit there, my thoughts swirling around my brain incessantly, unsure of what to do. Nonon touches my face, and this time, I don't move away, rather I lean into her hand, grabbing her wrist.
"I need time to think," I respond, intertwining our fingers, and Nonon nods.
"Just don't disappear on me, okay?" I smile.
"I never planned on disappearing. And besides, you know where I live." Nonon grins and pulls me into a kiss, cupping my face with her hand, the other still holding mine. It's soft, sweet, and she doesn't push her luck. When I open my eyes as she pulls away, I see her face morph from peaceful to stricken, and I don't understand the change in expression. Nonon just looks at me sheepishly and points behind me, so I turn around and see Satsuki in a towel, leaning casually against the wall. I squeal and jump away from Nonon, clearly flustered.
"What the fuck Satsuki, I didn't even hear the shower turn off!"
"Hard to hear with you yelling," she replies, picking at her fingernails.
"Uh, I'm gonna go," Nonon says, quickly situating herself. I've never seen her so awkward, and despite the situation, I find myself grinning at her expense as she tries to play it cool. "Well it was nice to meet you Eyebrow Queen, sorry for kissing your sister." I turn to her and give her a look of annoyance, and she raises her hands in exasperation.
"Eyebrow Queen? I've never heard that one before," Satsuki says, raising the affronted eyebrows. "Maybe I'll let you kissing my sister slide." I shoot Satsuki a pointed look, and she laughs in response. "Nice to meet you too, Nonon, I hope to see you again." Before she leaves, Nonon pulls me into a tight hug, and I awkwardly reciprocate.
"She's still right there," I hiss, but Nonon leans in to whisper in my ears anyways.
"I'll call you, ok? And damn, those legs." I smack Nonon upside the head, and she grins, kissing my cheek and running out the door. I turn to Satsuki, feeling guilty. I shove my hands in my pockets and look away.
"What kind of look is that?" she asks, amused. I blush and storm past her into my bedroom, and flop down onto the mattress. I don't look up to see if Satsuki followed me, rather, I hear her footsteps and can just feel her overwhelming presence in my room.
"So when were you going to tell me you're gay?" Satsuki asks, rummaging around in her suitcase.
"Hey, who said I was gay?" I ask flippantly, turning over to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling.
"Well when were you going to tell me about your girlfriend?"
"She's not my girlfriend!" I bite back, a little too defensively.
"Yeah, it sure looked like that wasn't your girlfriend." Satsuki says back, snorting.
"Look, we haven't even gone on a real date, we just-" I stop mid-sentence, and blush.
"Just what?" Satsuki asks, prodding as she starts getting dressed.
"We, uh, well, have hooked up a few times," I say, turning my face to the side.
"What exactly does 'hooking up' imply? Did you have sex with her?"
"Uh-"
"I can tell you did. I'm not stupid, you know." My face is unbelievably red, but Satsuki plows on anyways. "But why are you fighting?"
"Well, I uh, might've flipped out after the first time we had sex, and left without explaining—that."
"Ah. You mean about Ragyo?"
"Uh, yeah, I have't really told her anything about the family."
"You know, it isn't that difficult to talk to people about this. You don't even talk to me about it, and I went through the same things you did."
"Look, sorry I'm not as open-to-sharing as you are," I say, starting to get annoyed. "I just, have, like, a mental block. I can't talk about it."
"You don't want to seem weak," Satsuki replied with a nod of her head.
"I mean, I guess. I dunno exactly." I shrug. "I really can't explain it."
"Are you going to tell her?"
"Yeah, I think I will. But I gotta work myself up to it."
"You told Mako, right? Just do what you did with her."
"But this is- different. Mako knew us back then, she knew our family. And I'm not, er, interested in Mako like that."
"You really like this girl, don't you?" Satsuki asks, smiling.
"Er, well, maybe- I don't know!" I say, blushing and throwing my arms out in exasperation. "I really don't know. But there is something. I can't explain it."
"Well you were never one for words. More like one for action." Satsuki walks over, fully clothed, and sits next to where I lay. "But I'm glad there is someone you like. She seems sincere, and I like her too."
"Well, thanks for the approval. Really, I mean it. I've never felt this way about a girl, and I had no idea how I was gonna tell you."
"I'll still support you no matter what." Satsuki lays down next to me, and I feel incredibly peaceful.
"Maybe I'll start calling you Eyebrow Queen," I say, grinning and stifling a yawn.
"You wouldn't dare," she says back, fixing me with a stare meant to unnerve me.
"Whatever you say, sis." And finally, my headache ceases.