Eschew - Trans Woman Version

All her life, Tony had been eschewed as strange, weird, freak, and other worse names that she wished she could forget. Or at least, she had been before she finally succumbed to society’s pressure and started acting like the male her body looked like, even though she had always identified as female. She’d learned how to act like a “man” somewhere between boarding school and the military school her father sent her to that was supposed to cure her of her female tendencies.

By the time she escaped to college, acting like a man had become so ingrained that it took a concerted effort for her to let herself be the female that she felt she was inside even though her outside body didn’t reflect that. Still, unlike the male boarding school and military school she went to, college actually welcomed diversity. She found a couple of groups that she could hang out with as the female she felt she was inside.

She did a little exploring, learning a lot about how to dress as a normal female so that no one realized she had male body parts. Just when she was beginning to get the hang of alternating between being male and being female, her sports career tanked courtesy of another football player tackling her and injuring her knee. She’d always planned to go pro, though whether as a male or female she hadn’t yet decided.

She would have loved the chance to be the first trans woman to ever make it to the pros as she’d never been afraid of the spotlight and was used to taking the crap people dished out. Unfortunately, this injury pretty much guaranteed that no pro team would take her no matter what gender she went for. Now, she had to completely re-evaluate what she wanted to do with her life.

It sucked bullocks. Of course, the career advisor tried to steer her towards womanly careers like being an English teacher or a nurse when she came dressed as a female. She saw a different advisor as a man and was directed to become a high powered lawyer or businessman.

She didn’t really like either option. There wasn’t an advisor for her as she was, so she had to figure everything out herself. She ended up deciding to go for a criminal justice degree in hopes of eventually becoming the first trans woman police officer.

Of course, once she graduated the real problems started. College was a lot more open minded than any of the police forces. She should know. She’d been part of three different police departments, now.

The first year at Peoria had been fine as she’d been a normal police officer and thus had to wear the uniform, so no one knew that she was really a trans woman. Or they hadn’t until she’d run into one of her cop buddies at an LGBT friendly bar where she was wearing the clothes she felt most comfortable in, which in this case happened to be a skirt and short sleeved shirt. If she’d hoped that he would handle it professionally, those hopes were quickly dashed the next time she went into the station.

Not only had he told the captain, but it was all over the police force. They laughed at her for cross dressing. None of them understood that it wasn’t funny.

It never blew over either. She’d assumed that eventually something would happen and they’d let it go and things would go back to normal. It had never happened.

She’d had no choice, but to move to Philadelphia. By that time she’d qualified to be a detective and was able to have a fresh start. She carefully chose feminine slacks and shirts with cuts that made them look like they were the men’s version.

Cops weren’t exactly the most up to date on fashion, so she doubted that anyone would realize she was actually wearing women’s clothes not men’s clothes. She slipped up though. When it turned to winter, she started bringing a cardigan with her to keep her warm.

The cardigan was clearly female, she couldn’t make it look male and she didn’t want to don a more masculine sweater or jacket. She hoped this time it would be different, but no cops all over were pretty much the same, hidden prejudices and all. Needless to say she ended up moving to a detective position in Baltimore at the end of 2 years in Philadelphia as well.

Not willing to make the same mistake again, Tony took all her feminine clothes and put them in the guest bedroom, so that she could claim they were her girlfriend’s or a one night stand’s or something when the guys came over. She then purchased a completely new detective outfit straight from the men’s department. She did her best to fit in.

She hoped this time she’d be able to last longer than 2 years. She never expected to last even less than she had at the previous jobs. Of course, it wasn’t really her fault.

There was only so much that one could do when your partner was dirty. Did you turn them in and be forever branded as a traitor? Did you break your own moral codes and help them do their dirty deeds?

Or did you say yes when the Navy cop, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, offered you a job and incidentally an escape from an untenable position of working with a partner that you could no longer trust? Tony said, yes. She wouldn’t say her life was forever changed.

She still hid her true self, showing the world a playboy persona that she made up to hide the fact that she really felt herself to be a woman despite having man parts. Then one of their cases led to her liplocking with a man pretending to be a woman. She was disgusted, but not for the reason she let Kate believe.

It had nothing to do with the fact that the she had really been a he. After all, that would be rather hypocritical of her. No, her disgust had to do with the fact that Amanda Voss was playing a woman to hide.

Not because she actually identified as female. No, she was completely distorting what it was to be a trans woman. No wonder people thought Tony a freak, if this is what people associated with trans women.

No one understood why she was so disturbed by that kiss. Even if she came out to the team as a trans woman, the likelihood of them understanding was slim. She’d never really met anyone who understood what it felt like to be a female trapped in a male body.

Of course, constantly hiding who she really was took its toll on her. She tried not to show it, but sometimes it was impossible to keep up her masks like when she found out Brenda Bittner had died in a car accident. Brenda had posted about them being in a committed relationship online.

While that was actually true, Tony had to back pedal at work and get him to take it down. She didn’t want her colleagues to realize that her playboy persona was just that, a mask she put on. Brenda had claimed to understand, but he’d understandably left her when Tony hadn’t been willing to come out about being a trans woman.

Brenda was actually a trans man himself. He’d been thinking about coming out and hadn’t been ok with continuing to hide like Tony wanted. Of course, his family had not been supportive when he’d come out.

Tony didn’t know for sure if that was the state of mind that had caused his death, but Tony suspected the depression that preceded the accident to be greatly related. McGee and Ziva never knew the real reason he was so serious. The truth was he was beginning to think that he should come out to the team about his true self.

It would be a significant change and there would be no going back once he’d done so. Tony thought it was the least he could do for the people like the Brenda Bittners. He didn’t expect the reaction, he got.

Ziva flat out didn’t believe him. She was sure that Tony was pulling their leg, though the term she actually used was limb. McGee couldn’t seem to stop staring at him with an expression of betrayal.

That was one Tony really didn’t get. He was actually starting to feel rather hurt by McGee’s behavior. Of course, the strangest behavior by far was Gibbs.

You see Tony had been attracted to Gibbs ever since she tackled him in Baltimore. She’d tried flirting subtly with Gibbs, but he’d shown no interest. Between that and rule 12, Tony had figured that a relationship with Gibbs would never happen.

So for Gibbs to call her back from leaving one night after the reveal of her true nature to invite her out on a date shocked Tony. Ziva and McGee had chuckled assuming Tony to be in trouble and continued out the door, so they didn’t see or hear Gibbs ask her out. In fact, the team had stayed late due to a case, so there was actually no one around to hear it.

Tony stuttered out a yes through her shock. To which, Gibbs responded, “Good,” and looped his arm around her waist as he led her out to his car.

“What about my car?"

"I’ll drive you in tomorrow.”

“Whoa! Just because I said yes, doesn’t mean I’m going to put out tonight.”

“Chill, DiNozzo, just because I’m tossing rule 12 out the window doesn’t mean I’m going to attack you tonight. I’ll drop you off at your place and pick you up from there tomorrow if that’s what you want.”

Tony breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed back into the car before remembering that she was still wearing her clothes from work. If they were really going to date, she should get appropriately dolled up. “I need to get changed for going out, if we’re doing this. Wouldn’t it be better for me to drive home and you pick me up from there?”

“You look fine to me.” Gibbs grunted.

Tony shook her head. She knew Gibbs wouldn’t care about her clothes, but she did. “Please, Gibbs. Just let me change. I’ll be a lot more comfortable during the date if I can wear proper date clothes.”

“Fine. I’ll drop you off at your apartment and wait for you to get changed.”

Tony rolled her eyes, but knew that was the best she was going to get. When Gibbs pulled up to her apartment, she quickly got out and raced up the stairs. Fortunately, her undercover operations at the various police departments had taught her how to put makeup on and get changed quickly at the drop of a hat.

Sometimes, she had almost literally been shoved out the door in what she was wearing to meet a contact. With her preferred clothes spread out in the guest closet, it was easy to find a skirt and blouse that she thought Gibbs would like. She quickly added a dash of makeup to bring out her eyes.

Looking at herself in the mirror critically, she smoothed her hair out, but there wasn’t much that could be done about that until it had time to grow out. Calling herself good enough and not wanting to keep Gibbs waiting any longer, she slipped on a pair of pumps. Sauntering down the stairs, she exited the building and headed for Gibbs’ car.

Gibbs’ jaw dropped open. Tony had only been gone for less than 10 minutes he would swear, but she looked a completely different person. If he were 10 years younger, his cock would have already been standing at attention and demanding they skip dinner and he take her home for the night.

As it was, he was having trouble remembering how to breath. It took him a couple of tries to even get the car started once Tony buckled herself in. Tony knew she looked good, but Gibbs reaction was beyond flattering.

She still wasn’t going to put out on the first date, but if the date went well there would definitely be a kiss with tongue at the end of it when Gibbs dropped her off.