Chapter Text
It’s been few months since Taehyung finally decided to confess to Jungkook and it’s been few months since Jungkook rejected him, saying that he doesn’t reciprocate his feelings.
It was tough for Taehyung but over the months he made peace with it. He knew since the beginning that he didn’t have a big chance with the maknae so his rejection wasn’t that much of a surprise. It still hurt him little bit though. On the other hand he was glad and proud of himself for coming clean and saying it.
First few weeks were little bit awkward between them. The older felt awkward because now Jungkook knew about his feelings and the maknae felt bad for breaking his heart but he couldn’t force himself to do something he didn’t want to. After few weeks, however, the things between them went back to normal and they were able to interact just like they did before. Taehyung’s feelings of course didn’t go away but he accepted his faith and he was just glad that they still remained friends because that was the one thing he was afraid the most – loosing Jungkook.
Those months were tough for Jungkook as well. He felt bad for hurting Taehyung but there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn’t force himself to feel something he didn’t. So when they went back to being friends, he was happy.
He was happily spending time with the older, playing video games, fooling around, just like before. They were still sharing subtle touches and hugs. The only thing that changed was that Taehyung didn’t sneak to his room in the middle of the night to cuddle and sleep with him whenever he couldn’t sleep or something was bothering him and Jungkook realized he missed it. The older was always the one to initiate things and come to the younger, Jungkook wasn’t the type of person to just come to someone and lie down and cuddle.
But one evening, three months after Taehyung’s confession, he finally made himself do it. It’s been couple of tough days for him, they’ve been working hard, he was exhausted and he was on the edge. He really needed some contact and the short hugs or touches weren’t enough.
So that is how he found himself sneak into the older’s room in the middle of the night. Taehyung’s breathing was slow and steady, indicating that he was fast asleep. The maknae closed the distance between the door and the bed, raised the sheets and slipped behind the sleeping body, covering them both and spooning him. As soon as he pressed himself close to the other and wrapped his arm around his torso, he felt shuffling.
“Kookie?” Taehyung spoke up in a raspy voice.
“Go back to sleep, Tae,” Jungkook whispered against his nape.
“Is something wrong?” the older broke the silence again. He was confused, they haven’t done this for months and the maknae was never the one to come to him in all those years.
“I just can’t sleep,”
Taehyung rolled over slowly, so now he was facing the younger. His eyes were still heavy with the sleep but he just couldn’t fall asleep again right now. Jungkook was looking at him with big eyes.
“Is something happening?” the older spoke up quietly. He could sense that the younger was tense.
“It’s just been couple of rough days. All the work and photo shoots and tonight my mum called, asking me when I come visit them, she was nearly crying,” Jungkook finally got out with a sigh.
“I’m sorry,” Taehyung looked at him, brought one of his hands and caressed the maknae’s hair. He felt guilty, even though the things between them were pretty much normal now, he really didn’t ask Jungkook lately how he’s doing. He should’ve seen that something was wrong and he probably saw it, he just couldn’t bring himself to approach the other. He didn’t know how to act around him, what amount of intimacy was alright. He was scared that Jungkook would feel awkward or pressured into something, now that he knew about his feelings.
“It’s alright. Just let me sleep here with you tonight,” Jungkook whispered.
“Yeah, of course,” Taehyung nodded. After few seconds, he pressed his body closer to the other, resting his head under the maknae’s chin and wrapping an arm around his waist. Jungkook did the same with his arm and inhaled deeply, Taehyung’s hair smelled nice, it always did and the familiar scent was slowly relaxing him. It didn’t take long for him to finally fall asleep.
*
Jungkook was jealous. Not for some romantic reasons but because him and Tae weren’t that close anymore. They were still friends but the physical relationship between them went downhill. It wasn’t in him to initiate things and Taehyung didn’t do it anymore, probably still embarrassed because of the failed confession. Jungkook didn’t fucking care about that, he wasn’t holding it against Tae and he would gladly maintain skinship with him. But maybe it was too painful for Taehyung to act intimate with him after the rejection.
Right now, he was sitting in the armchair in the living room, while just two metres away from him there were Taehyung and Jimin, cuddling on the couch. He couldn’t even focus on the movie the three of them were watching, his eyes were wandering to the pair every few seconds. He would give anything to be in Jimin’s place right now.
“Why so sulky?” Seokjin sad down on the armrest of the chair the maknae was sitting in.
“I’m not sulky,”
“Yeah sure, that pout on your face is not a big deal, right?” the oldest poked him to the side. Jungkook glanced over to his two best friends and Seokjin followed his look, looking back at the maknae knowingly.
“Oh, so you’re jealous,” Seokjin laughed provocatively.
“I’m not jealous,”
“Yes, you are. You and Tae haven’t been that close since that day he confessed to you and you miss him,” Seokjin stated as a matter of fact. He knew about it, Jungkook actually told him after weeks of the oldest’s annoying questions. It was actually kinda a relief when he finally told someone what happened between him and Taehyung and even though him and Seokjin often teased each other, he knew that he can always count on the oldest.
“I don’t know how to go back to normal. I’d like to but I’m not sure about him. I’m glad that we’re still friends, it could work out much worse but it’s not the same as it used to be and I miss it. I know it must be hard for him to be around me and I get it but I just miss my best friend,” Jungkook got out quietly, only for Seokjin to hear.
“You sure, he’s just your best friend?”
“Yes, hyung, if he wasn’t then I wouldn’t have rejected him, don’t you think?” the maknae rolled his eyes.
“I don’t know, Kook, maybe you just haven’t realized it yet,” the older shrugged.
“I don’t like Tae in that way. Part of me wishes I would, because I wouldn’t hurt him and everything would be fine now but I just can’t force myself to feel something I don’t,”
“I’m not saying you should force yourself to anything, I’m just saying that there are maybe some things and feelings you need to think about. I don’t see inside your head, Kook-ah, I just think that there is more to it than just a friendship. I’ve known you for years and you’ve always had a special bond,” Seokjin patted him on the back and left him alone to think about those words.
*
It’s been five months after Taehyung’s confession when he finally did it. The older finally came to Jungkook’s room in the middle of the night and crawled under the sheets.
Jungkook wasn’t asleep yet so he immediately brought the older closer and embraced him tightly. It felt so good and the fact that Tae finally came to him first felt nice.
“Can’t sleep?” Jungkook whispered in a soft voice and caressed Taehyung’s cheek, giving him a little smile.
“I guess I needed some cuddles, the pillow wasn’t enough,” the older laughed quietly.
“Well, you know I’ve always been an excellent cuddler,” the maknae teased.
“Don’t be so sure of yourself, I could go to Jimin,”
“Please, you love my strong arms around you,” Jungkook chuckled.
“Maybe,” it sounded more like a question and Jungkook’s arms locked even closer around him and it felt so damn good. Taehyung wanted to slap himself, he knew that he’s only hurting himself for coming back to Jungkook, for enjoying his embrace and touches so much because he knew that the younger will never be able to give him what he wants. But he just couldn’t bring himself to leave, no matter what, he’d always come back to Jungkook.
“What are you thinking about?” the maknae broke the silence when he saw the older’s distant look.
“Nothing, let’s just go to sleep,” Taehyung shook his head to get rid of his thoughts.
“Tae?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you came,” Jungkook breathed out, his face only few centimetres from the other’s. Suddenly he leaned closer and planted a soft kiss on Taehyung’s cheek, dangerously close to his mouth. The older stopped breathing for a moment at the intimate gesture, feeling Jungkook’s lips like that was just so hard for him. When the maknae leaned back, he was watching him with wide eyes and it looked as if he wanted to say something but then he closed the mouth and soon after also his eyes.
*
In the next few weeks, Taehyung was coming to Jungkook’s room every other night, climbing under the bed sheets and letting the maknae hold him close.
Sometimes Jungkook would plant a soft kiss to his hair, his forehead, his nose or his cheeks. He knew it was wrong and it was only hurting him, aching for the younger’s affection but he always came back for more.
Jungkook also knew it was wrong. Not because of himself but because of Taehyung. He knew about the other’s feelings and he knew that he was giving him false hopes with his actions but when the other was in his arms, he just couldn’t help it. They were trapped in a circle that none of them knew how to get out from.
One night, after Taehyung climbed to Jungkook’s bed again and they were talking for a bit, holding each other, the things escalated more than ever before.
Jungkook was looking at him with hooded eyes and Taehyung could see him gulp. Suddenly the maknae leaned slowly in, just like he did numerous times in those past few weeks and planted a soft kiss to the corner of Taehyung’s mouth. His breath hitched in his throat at the action.
The younger leaned back after few seconds but never broke the eye contact. He licked his lips and his eyes fell down to Taehyung’s mouth. The older instinctively licked his lips as well.
Suddenly Jungkook leaned in again slowly, stopping only a centimetre from the other’s mouth as if he was considering all possibilities and to give the other space to back off. Taehyung didn’t. He was completely frozen in place, not able to move at all and he could feel the maknae’s hot breaths hitting his lips. He shivered at the feeling.
And then Jungkook closed the small gap and planted his lips on the other’s. It was just barely a brush of lips at first as he was testing the waters. He leaned back for a second but immediately repeated the action and pressed his lips to the other’s again. This time little bit harder, it was still soft but now their lips were fully touching. They stayed still for few seconds, lips lightly glued together and then Taehyung felt the maknae starting to move his mouth slowly. After a shock, he followed his example and gently moved his lips too. It was slow and soft, the kiss never deepened but Taehyung’s insides were twisting all the same.
After maybe ten seconds, the maknae finally broke the kiss and leaned back. He brought his hand and caressed Taehyung’s cheek softly with his thumb. Taehyung’s heart was thumping like crazy and he was pretty sure that Jungkook could feel it since they lied pressed closely together.
They were staring at each other intently for a moment but then Taehyung broke it and closed his eyes. He didn’t know what the hell did just happen and he was half convinced that it was just a dream but when he opened his eyes after a while, Jungkook was there, lying next to him and he knew that it was real.
*
Few days later, Taehyung was taking a shower in the evening. He was standing under the flow of the warm water and he was thoughtfully washing his body after the dance practice.
Suddenly he heard the door being open and few seconds later, the curtain was drawn aside and he was met with Jungkook, very naked Jungkook, climbing in the shower.
“W-what are you doing?” Taehyung stuttered in surprise. They’ve showered together numerous times throughout the years but not once since his confession. And after what happened just few days ago, Taehyung felt definitely uncomfortable.
“The water in the next bathroom is cold and here it will be cold soon too, so I have to join you,” Jungkook replied simply. Taehyung turned over so now he was facing the wall. He took a deep breath and continued to wash himself. He could hear the maknae doing the same behind him and he tried his hardest not to think about Jungkook’s hands roaming over his muscular body, washing himself. They were both quiet, just cleaning themselves.
Taehyung took a shampoo and was ready to pour some in his palm when there was suddenly a hand around his wrist, stopping his actions.
“Let me do it,” Jungkook whispered quietly few centimetres from his ear. Taehyung didn’t even realize that the maknae is now standing so close to him. He gulped nervously but let the other take the shampoo from him.
Few seconds later, there were hands in his hair, slowly massaging his scalp. He had to hold himself not to moan contently because the fingers digging into his scalp felt so good. If he made some noise now, it would be so damn embarrassing so he just closed his eyes and tried not to think about the fact that Jungkook was standing behind him, completely naked, slowly caressing his head.
Suddenly his breath caught in his throat. There were lips on his shoulder and he opened his eyes quickly. He’d think he just imagined it because it was barely there but then he felt a harder press of the lips on his other shoulder.
Jungkook stopped washing his hair and brought his arms down and gripped the other’s hips lightly. He brought his mouth back down and planted a soft kiss at Taehyung’s nape. He could feel the other’s breathing getting faster. He didn’t even know what he was doing, a voice in the back of his head was yelling at him to stop immediately but he shut it down. Instead he moved his hands from the hips and rested them on Taehyung’s stomach, stroking the skin there with his thumbs.
He continued to plant kisses over the other’s shoulders and back with more frequency now. His skin was so soft and it smelled so good and Jungkook couldn’t make himself stop. He bit down lightly, between Taehyung’s neck and shoulder and a shiver ran down his spine when he heard a low whimper from the other’s lips.
His hands started roaming over the older’s stomach and chest and his head was spinning at the feeling of that soft skin and flesh under his fingers.
Taehyung was standing with his eyes closed, trying to contain his breathing. The feeling of Jungkook was overwhelming his senses, he felt every touch and every soft kiss and he knew he should do something to make the other stop but it felt all so damn good and he never wanted it to stop.
He almost choked on the air when he felt Jungkook warm and naked body pressing to his back. This was definitely a completely new level of intimacy between them, they never stood like this when they were completely naked. He was trying his hardest not to think about the fact that Jungkook’s dick was now pressed against one of his ass cheeks but it was really hard because oh my god, was this really happening right now?
A loud surprised moan was ripped from his lips when he felt a hand brush over his member and that small action was enough to make his blood run south. Suddenly Jungkook’s fingers wrapped around his hardening cock and he threw his head back in pleasure, resting it on the maknae’s shoulder.
“Kook,” Taehyung choked out breathily, when Jungkook’s fist started running slowly up and down his length. The maknae barely touched him, yet he was almost completely gone already. He was feeling thousand things at once, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He knew this was wrong but he’s wanted this for so long and now when it was finally happening, he didn’t want it to stop. And the fact, that he could feel Jungkook’s hardening cock against his ass didn’t help at all.
Jungkook pumped his fist couple of times but then his hand was gone. Taehyung whined quietly at the loss but didn’t have enough time to think about it, because Jungkook gripped his hips tightly and turned him over, so now they were facing each other.
Taehyung almost moaned at the sight in front of him. Jungkook was looking at him with dark, lustful eyes and his hands were running up and down Taehyung’s sides.
They were watching each other for few seconds and then they both leaned quickly in at the same time. Their lips met in a rough kiss. It wasn’t like the one they shared in the bed, this one was fast and needy. Jungkook bit down on Taehyung’s lover lip and when the older gasped at the action, the maknae used this opportunity to sneak his tongue inside his mouth. Their tongues were dancing together quickly, teeth clashing. They broke apart for air few times but connected again after couple of seconds and repeated the action.
Taehyung moaned quietly into the other’s mouth, when he felt hands grabbing his ass and bringing him close to that hard body. They both gasped in unison when their erections rubbed together, the feeling was absolutely overwhelming for both of them.
Jungkook withdrew his mouth from the other’s and lowered his head. He started to kiss and bite on the older’s neck, kneedling his cheeks in his hands. Taehyung was panting harshly, the sensation was becoming too much. When the maknae bit down on his collarbone, his legs almost gave out, his whole body felt numb and soon his back was pressed against the cold tiles under the pressure of Jungkook’s mouth on him.
Jungkook looked up at him with wild eyes and kissed him again, this time roughly. The tension between them was becoming impossibly big and both of them were completely gone. There was no coming back from this, they couldn’t stop now even if they wanted to. They were both fully hard now, their bodies were aching for release and their minds were clouded by pure lust.
The younger thrusted his hips up so their erections rubbed together again and Taehyung bit down on Jungkook’s shoulder to muffle his moans. They were in the bathroom in the dorm and the other members were there, they had to stay quiet.
“Jungkook, please,” Taehyung whimpered lowly. He didn’t even know what he was begging for but he needed something.
The maknae thankfully seemed to get the memo because suddenly he wrapped his hand around both of their erections and Taehyung almost screamed at the feeling of his cock being held and resting directly against the other’s. Their pre-come was mixing together and it was clear that neither of them will last much longer.
They started kissing roughly again, their tongues rubbing together, as they bother thrusted into Jungkook’s fist, slowly at first but quickly picking up the speed.
Taehyung was babbling Jungkook’s name against his lips, his head spinning like crazy, as he felt the familiar heat building up in his stomach. The maknae wasn’t in much better state, he was groaning at the back of his throat obscenely and it was only pushing the older closer to the edge.
“Fuck, Jungkook, oh my god,” Taehyung wailed against his neck and came hard all over them. Jungkook cursed under his breath at the feeling of Taehyung’s shaking body against him and when he leaned back to look at the other, he lost it. Taehyung looked absolutely sinful, lips swollen, eyes hazy and unfocused in his post-orgasm state. That was enough to push Jungkook over the edge and he was coming so fucking hard, adding more liquid between their bodies.
They were both panting quickly for few more minutes, Jungkook’s body still pressed against Taehyung’s and neither of them said anything. When they pulled apart, their eyes didn’t even meet. Jungkook was embarrassed about what just happened and Taehyung was emotional. They quickly washed themselves from the mess they made and Taehyung was quick to climb out of the shower, drying himself and left the bathroom without looking back.
Jungkook cursed himself and thumped his head against the wall. What the hell just happened? He felt like utter piece of shit. He knew that he didn’t mean to use the other just to get some release but he couldn’t help himself but think that that was what he just did. He knew about Taehyung’s feelings for him yet that didn’t stop him from doing this even though he knew that it will only hurt the older.
*
Despite Jungkook’s remorse after the events in the bathroom, they found themselves in exactly same situation a week later. Only this time they weren’t in the dorm but in the bathroom in the BigHit building, near their dance studio.
Jungkook’s hand was stroking both of their cocks as he was kissing Taehyung’s neck, while the older’s back were pressed against the wall. They were both panting and moaning quietly, both desperate for a quick release because they didn’t have much time and because they were both completely out of their minds. They didn’t even undress, only pulled their lengths out of their jeans.
It didn’t take much longer until Jungkook came over his fist and both of their cocks, luckily not straining their pants. Taehyung followed soon after with a long moan, muffled by his own hand.
Jungkook quickly washed his hands and brought a paper towels to clean them both up. Once he was done, Taehyung quickly tucked himself back in the jeans but didn’t move to leave or speak. He was just standing there with unreadable expression and Jungkook could tell that he wanted to say something.
“I can’t do this,” Taehyung laughed sadly and looked up at the ceiling. Jungkook knew what it meant, he was expecting it after all.
“When I confessed to you, I didn’t expect anything. I was kinda hoping of course but I knew I didn’t have a big chance. And when you rejected me it hurt of course but I don’t hold it against you, you can’t make yourself feel something you don’t, I can’t make you love me. We all have some feelings and emotions and that’s alright. I was more afraid that it will change our friendship. The first few weeks were awkward so when we went back to normal I was really happy. Because I don’t care if you are only my friend, the only thing I care about is having you in my life. But what’s been happening between us for the past few weeks is just too much, I can’t go on like that,” the older spoke up again and Jungkook was listening to him. He didn’t know what to say anyway.
“I know you are not trying to hurt me but you still do. This whole situation is breaking me. I can live with my feelings and push them down but I can’t move on when you kiss me and touch me the way you do. It only gives me false hopes, it makes me think that maybe I am not alone in this and that maybe you want me the way I want you. But I also know that it’s not true. I’m not mad at you, don’t worry, this is my fault as well. I’m an adult and I should know better. You have no idea how much I’ve been beating myself up for what happened last week. I knew it was wrong and what happened just now is wrong too. I can’t do this to myself, Kookie,”
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook finally got out, that was the only thing that came to his mind. Taehyung was still looking at the ceiling with sad eyes.
“Don’t be. As I said, I’m not mad at you, it takes two to make decision like this, you didn’t force me to do anything, I wanted it. But I can’t do it anymore because deep down I’m hoping that maybe you will love me the way I do and I don’t want to go on being a masochist,” the older finally looked at him.
“Okay, I get it. I don’t want to hurt you,” the maknae whispered and caressed his cheek lightly.
“I hope we can forget this and go back to being friends, that’s all I care about. I don’t want to lose you, I can pretend that I don’t have feelings for you, I’ve been doing that for years,” Taehyung laughed sadly and turned to leave the bathroom. Jungkook’s heart broke little bit at the last sentence. He knew that the older had feelings for him for years but hearing it like this, it still hurt him. Even though Taehyung’s feelings for him weren’t his fault, he still felt guilty. He was mad at himself for making Taehyung do this and give him false hopes and he was mad at himself because he couldn’t give Taehyung what he wanted.