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“Snakes use smell to track their prey.”
“They smell by using their forked tongues to collect airborne particles,”
“Then passing them to the vomeronasal organ or Jacobson's organ in the mouth for examination…”
Tick tock.
Jeno watches the clock.
Tick tock.
Jeno glances at the cross that looms over the whole classroom.
Tick tock.
The eyes of God keep boring holes into him.
Tick tock.
Everything is so dull.
Tick tock.
Everything smells so dull.
Another lunch break, another sea of loneliness.
“Maybe God has bigger plans for me.”
Jeno thought as he was engulfed by a sudden wave of dullness.
"I just have to see the bigger picture, no?"
His stomach churned in hunger.
"Hello..."
Jeno never noticed this boy before.
"Hi."
"You seem hungry..." The boy flashed him a sweet smile.
"Not-" Jeno's belly growled inconveniently "N-not really..."
"You do seem hungry to me..." The boy giggled in fake ignorance.
"Here take it!"
The boy extended a beautiful green apple.
Jeno took it reluctantly, shivering when his hand brushed the stranger's soft hand.
"I'm Renjun! Nice to meet you, please enjoy it a lot."
Jeno can smell bad intentions.
Usually, people smell putrid to him.
Like decomposing flesh.
But Renjun smells like nothing.
"I'm Jeno... Thank you..."
Renjun eyed him with a beautiful smile on his lips.
Jeno couldn't help but shiver.
God's eyes were boring holes in him again.
He felt like something was wrong.
But he bit the apple anyway, letting the juice drip down his chin.
Renjun eyed him with mischief and sat on his desk comfortably.
Jeno's throat went dry.
"Here..."
He gently leaned and cleaned Jeno's messy mouth with his pure white handkerchief.
And there's where it happened.
Jeno caught a whiff of Renjun's smell.
Finally.
It was so mesmerizing that he couldn't look Renjun in the eye.
He tried to hide his reddening face but to no avail because Renjun grabbed his chin ever so gently and made him look right into his dark eyes.
"It was nice to meet you Jeno, eat well okay?"
Renjun hopped down his desk and went out of the stuffy classroom.
Jeno had to open a window and put his whole head outside to let the fresh air clear his thoughts.
Jeno can smell bad intentions.
Usually, people smell putrid to him.
Like decomposing flesh.
But Renjun smells like sweet but tart apples.
Like summer nights,
Like blooming chrysanthemums,
Like everything Jeno ever wanted but didn't know he could have.
Jeno is captivated.
Like the fox that wanted to be tamed, Jeno is like a wild dog, completely captivated by Renjun and with a burning desire to be tamed.
To Renjun, Jeno is still nothing more than a boy who is just like a hundred thousand other boys.
But to Jeno, Renjun is unique.
His smell makes Jeno go wild, makes Jeno lose all rationality.
Is this how Adam felt after biting the apple?
Renjun likes to tease.
He doesn't understand Jeno.
But he loves to see his lovely face turn red under his dark bangs.
Like a loyal puppy, Jeno follows Renjun from afar.
And Renjun can't help but love the attention.
Physical Education class.
Running and running, more and more tracks.
Renjun notices how Jeno runs a few meters behind him,
Like a hunting hound.
Ready to see Renjun falter ever so slightly.
And for some reason that makes him excited.
It's exhilarating...
In the locker rooms, Renjun can see Jeno's glowing eyes from the corner of his.
Adrenaline rushing, he decides to step closer with his pure white towel in hand.
"Here, you can have this. You seem to need it."
"We always seem to meet under the same circumstances..." Jeno whispered.
"It's not my fault that you always look like a kicked puppy. C'mon take it!"
Jeno knows it's a trap, he learned how to read Renjun's cruel smile.
But he grabs the towel anyways, taking it to his forehead cautiously.
And in seconds his head spins.
The towel reeks of Renjun.
That sweet and intoxicating smell.
"Do you feel better now?" Renjun touches his forehead softly and sweeps his long bangs to the side.
"Yeah..." Jeno replies, feeling a knot form in his throat.
"Good boy..."
Jeno wants to cry.
He doesn't understand how Eve came from Adam's rib.
Polar opposites.
Renjun is indeed cruel.
He doesn't understand Jeno but he knows how to rile him up.
Jeno can only glare at him, watching him from afar, watching him laugh and play around with his friends.
Jeno hates when Jisung touches Renjun's arm.
Jeno hates when Jaemin hugs him from behind.
And Jeno definitely hates when Renjun clings to Mark.
Mark.
Jeno wants to stay away from Renjun, for the sake of his own wellbeing.
But every time he looks at Renjun, Renjun is always staring back.
Renjun is so so cruel.
Jeno knows that Renjun knows.
Otherwise, Renjun wouldn't leave things that reek of him everywhere.
"Sorry for forgetting my jacket on your table, I must've left it there by mistake. Silly me!"
And he twirls away, knowing that he left Jeno crushed.
So maybe this is why God said that Adam and Eve should never eat the forbidden fruit.
It hurts, Jeno thought.
The poison is consuming him for sure.
Jeno regrets making Jaemin break his leg.
But he was getting too close, tainting Renjun's beautiful smell.
And when Jeno came back to his senses he was sabotaging the gym's climbing rope.
The one he knew Jaemin always picked.
Jaemin is an athletic boy and he loves to always climb that same exact rope.
The two pushes he always gives to test the rope would be enough to trigger the already fragilized rope.
And by Jeno's calculations, once he would be almost at the top, the rope would give up and rip by the cut he made with his pocket knife.
And surely Jaemin fell.
The sound of bones crushing is something Jeno doesn't want to hear anytime soon.
But at least Jaemin can't hug Renjun from the back anymore.
And that makes Jeno's heart feel at ease.
Jeno wants to give an apple to Renjun too.
He can't stand that he is the only one suffering from this fate.
He wants to be one in a million for Renjun.
But Renjun seems to have other plans.
Mark.
Renjun really seems to like Mark.
And Jeno hates that.
The eyes of God are tormenting him again.
Jeno knows he has been sinning a lot.
But it was always Adam and Eve,
Not Adam, Eve and Mark.
Jeno left a shiny apple on Renjun's desk, hoping he would reciprocate his feelings.
Renjun picks it up and immediately looks at Jeno straight in the eye.
He walks closer.
He leans closer.
And he whispers.
"Thank you, Jeno but I'm full..."
And he leaves, with a malicious grin on his lips.
Jeno is persistent.
So he keeps leaving apple after apple on Renjun's desk.
For Renjun to refuse every single one of them.
"Sorry Jeno, I already ate..."
But he kept beaming, with twinkling eyes and a cruel smile.
But this time he made sure to really rub salt on the open wound.
He went back to his friends and he hugged Mark's arm, always looking to check if Jeno still had his eyes on him.
And when he knew Jeno was completely in trance, captured in his mischievous eyes, he cuddled Mark's side and whispered in his ear.
Mark flushed and didn't know what to do with himself for a second but he was quick to leave Renjun's side and fetch a shiny green apple from his bag.
He gave it to Renjun delicately, blushing when Renjun thanked him gently.
And Renjun bit into the apple, always looking at Jeno from the corner of his heartless eyes.
He bit again, breaking the apple skin and munching on the crunchy flesh.
Jeno felt like Renjun was crushing his heart at each bite he took.
His vision blurred out and his throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton.
Like Renjun bit into the apple until reaching its core, he also tore Jeno's defenses down until he reached his raw self,
Only to throw it in the trash after finding out it's ugly and bitter.
Jeno can't sleep.
He thought it was destiny.
He thought Renjun and him were destined to live in Eden eternally.
Heaven was a place on earth with him.
But now he was just facing the gates of hell.
He hugged Renjun's handkerchief close to his heart, to see if sleep would overcome him.
The sweet smell made his head spin with memories of Renjun,
And the cross that he wears on his chest for his night prayers burns against his heated skin.
He wants to reach out to him, he is so so close, he extends his hand, trying to reach.
But everything shatters before he does.
He sees Mark, pulling Renjun closer, smiling sweetly at him.
Renjun smiles back, so radiant like the sun itself.
Jeno wants to reach them, he wants Renjun in his embrace instead.
But he is doomed to be tied to the ground.
Away from the paradise.
And that doesn't make sense.
Did Eve already leave Eden without Adam?
Renjun is driving Jeno insane.
Jeno can't approach him, it's like a force that grounds him.
So he just suffers by the window, not listening to the tedious lesson.
Renjun's smell overpowers him every time he is close.
And it's just so cruel.
Why did he leave Jeno?
Was Jeno that boring?
Was Jeno not his Adam?
Jeno's lungs hurt.
He can smell Renjun everywhere he goes.
And that haunts him.
He can't eat, he can't sleep.
Renjun sees him everywhere.
Everywhere he looks he can see Jeno from the corner of his eyes.
He likes to play.
But Jeno always played harder.
He knows that Jeno is suffering,
But for once Renjun feels like he's winning.
Jeno knows he changed, he is not himself anymore.
He shed.
He drags his lifeless body everywhere, he walks glued to the walls.
He follows Renjun like an abandoned dog that feels like he can never go home.
Renjun is distant, Renjun is unattainable.
Jeno looks through his black bangs to avoid showing is red eyes.
His fingers dig more into the flesh of his arm.
Renjun is cruel but Jeno can't run away, it's like a hunting trap that locks his ankle down painfully.
He is indeed a helpless dog caught in his own owner's trap.
That afternoon.
A summery and warm breezed afternoon that left the classroom feeling stuffy and humid.
Renjun stayed behind to clean the classroom but he was starting to regret it.
He is too kind to his friends, telling them he would finish cleaning by himself.
Maybe he was unconsciously hoping to have some time alone.
He loves his friends but sometimes he prefers the quietness of his own breathing.
He always had quiet steps.
Renjun could identify it from miles away.
"So you waited until I was alone uhm?" Renjun chuckled before turning around to meet Jeno.
His viperine eyes, peeking through his black bangs were completely locked on him.
Renjun couldn't escape like he always did. Not this time.
"You truly are cruel..."
"You truly are cruel..." Jeno said a little a bit above a whisper.
Renjun placed his broom down and sat right onto Jeno's table.
"Why do you say that?" Renjun tilted his head and smiled, like the devil himself.
"For nothing really..." Jeno came closer and reached for his backpack which he had left in his chair. Renjun's act fell to the ground when he shivered. He knew Jeno felt it. Jeno knew he was scared.
Renjun's belly growled right at that instant.
"Quite the deja-vu uhm..." Said Jeno while rummaging through his bag.
Red flags popped up in Renjun's head.
"Here..." Jeno offered him a beautifully blood coloured apple while eyeing him through his long charcoal bangs. His eyes twinkled dangerously.
No no no. Renjun knew this was a game he couldn't lose.
"Thank you but I'll be eating in a bit..." Renjun whispered while he tried to reach for the broom with his sweaty hands.
"One bite won't fill you up Renjunnie..." hissed Jeno with his eye-crinkling smile.
Jeno took a bite, breaking the soft skin of the apple. He chewed on it while he sat comfortably in one of the desks.
Renjun knows he shouldn't.
He knows he shouldn't step closer.
But he finds himself standing between Jeno's legs, watching him tear pieces of apple into his mouth.
Jeno's eyes follow his every movement, how his chest rises and falls, how his eyes tremble with fear, how his mouth shakes to speak but ends up not producing a single word.
Jeno rests his arms on Renjun's shoulders while he chews. Renjun can't help but just stare.
Jeno tears a rather big piece with his rather sharp canines and holds it there in his mouth.
Renjun gulps.
Jeno points to the piece in his mouth with an eye smile far from innocent.
Renjun should know better but he is leaning in and he can't stop.
Jeno closes the distance between them, pulling Renjun even closer by the neck.
The piece of juicy apple falls into his mouth but Jeno's sharp teeth catch his bottom lip, making him feel the metallic taste of blood on his mouth. He takes a hand to his lip and sees a tiny drop of the red liquid.
He wants to run away.
But it's too late isn't?
Jeno is completely coiled around him. He can't leave.
He grabs the apple and bites a big chunk out.
This time it's Renjun that launches forward, pushing the piece of fruit into Jeno's mouth, kissing him fervently in the process.
He feels constricted, completely caught, swimming in Jeno's poison.
Tick tock.
Through the corner of his eyes he can see the eyes of God staring back at him.
His time is running out, sooner or later he will have to leave.
Tick tock.
Jeno kisses him like there's no tomorrow, apple core long forgotten on the floor.
He abuses his lips, he bites them, he tugs on them.
Tick tock.
Renjun doesn't tell him to stop.
He just fists his slightly unbuttoned shirt and whimpers like a pathetic animal caught by its predator.
Tick tock.
The poison is fast spreading, Renjun can feel himself losing conscious, blurring time and space in itself.
But he keeps savouring his first kiss that tastes like pure evil. Pure sin.
Tastes like apples on a spring day, fresh but bitter, with a dash of sweetness.
Tastes dangerous like poison itself, brimming with promises left unsaid.
Tick tock.
Renjun wished this was a dream, but the way he falls into Jeno's embrace tells him the truth.
It is all extremely real.
His wings were ripped and his halo was destroyed.
But oh how sweet it tastes.
Renjun feels isolated.
People stare at him as if they knew. But they couldn't know, could they?
He feels extremely overwhelmed, not knowing where to hide, having no one to comfort him.
He can't meet Jeno, it's too complicated, it's too messy.
It's too dangerous.
So he avoids him like the plague, even when he knows he has been infected long long ago.
When Jeno tries to get close he pushes him away.
So logically Jeno ends up drifting away from him.
This is what he wanted, so why? Why does it hurt so much?
Renjun starts failing exams.
And why are his friends so distant?
"Renjun what's going on with you? You've been behaving so weirdly..." Jaemin asks, clearly worried.
Is it all in his head? Is it really?
It's like he sees everyone secretly mocking him, judging him for his choice even when he knows they don't know. Everyone wears a mask in front of him and laughs behind his back.
Jeno waits. He is a patient man.
It's like waiting for a pill to take effect.
But sometimes he betrays himself.
He craves Renjun's smell, he craves having him close.
He tasted the ambrosia and now he wants more.
But he will wait, he will watch from afar.
He will keep falling asleep holding the pure white handkerchief he stole from Renjun.
That is now tainted by the darkness of Jeno's hands.
"Renjun you have to talk to me, you are clearly not well..."
Mark, his savior. A true angel like Renjun could never be.
Renjun ran to his embrace, seeking comfort and a silent forgiveness.
Forgive me, for I have sinned.
He cried, not really sure what to do with himself.
"Rest Renjun, it's okay, I'm here for you..."
And as always Mark delivered.
Mark was as loyal as a guard dog.
He stuck himself to Renjun like glue and oddly enough, even though he didn't know what had happen, every time Jeno was close, Mark would tighten his grip around Renjun, glaring at Jeno that would quickly scurry away. But Renjun knew, he knew he was still there, hiding in the shadows.
Waiting.
Seeking Mark's comfort gave Renjun security.
But when he had to inevitably be alone things would happen.
Dead birds falling to his feet.
Things breaking for no apparent reason.
Jisung also got hurt too.
Someone locked him in the bathroom for hours straight.
Things were losing colour.
Things were losing scent.
Everything was dull.
Everything was boring.
In a way it was suffocating him, everywhere he turned things would fall into misery.
And deep down he knew he was far gone.
He knew that the pure poison of sin ran deep within his blood and that he couldn't escape such malady.
"Renjun are you feeling well? You're paler than the walls!"
Boring.
He shook Mark's hand off violently and ran with no aim.
He was a goner.
Somehow he reached the rooftop where he felt like he could breathe more easily and ease his mind.
He leaned over the handrail, letting his head hang and be drained of thoughts.
A bird chirping made his vision blur black for a second.
When he turned to find the source of the noise he saw him.
Standing in the shadows with a sparrow resting on his finger.
Jeno.
When their eyes met it was all too overwhelming for Renjun and all he could see was black.
Suddenly he felt too close to the handrail, too close to falling and not being able to stop it.
He felt safe.
He felt a pair of strong arms hugging him from the back, coiling around his chest, stopping him from falling.
It was comforting, it was like he could see in colour again.
Jeno smelt like tart apples and winter breeze and Renjun missed it so much that his throat was itching to tell him just that.
"I... I m-missed you..." He nestled further into the warm embrace, finding his body relaxing against the bigger frame.
"I missed you too..." Jeno's face was warm against the juncture of his neck and he could feel how he inhaled deeply.
Renjun couldn't help but stare at Jeno, completely entranced by his eyes that almost glowed yellow.
Jeno didn't scare him anymore because now he could see so many emotions on those viperine orbs that he felt completely captured yet safe, safer than he ever felt, like he truly belonged there.
"I'm sorry, It must've been lonely..." Renjun took his hand to Jeno's hair to card it softly, to reassure him.
He saw how surprise Jeno looked, he saw how his menacing aura dissipated and was replaced by an embarrassed glimpse in his eyes, hidden by his long black bangs.
"I..." He tried to hide it but Renjun could see it. He could feel it deep in his bones. He sighed and looked to the sky, seeing a graceful crow soaring.
"Is it really okay to leave paradise behind for some foolish adolescent love?" He asked, holding Jeno's hand closer to his heart.
"For me, it's destiny to crawl on Earth... To breathe your dust... But I wouldn't trade it for anything else." Jeno was sincere. Jeno was probably heartbroken, knowing he didn't belong next to such a divine creature as Renjun himself. But said boy couldn't stop admiring how much raw sentiment Jeno had embedded in his shining gold eyes.
"Then maybe my destiny really is to walk by your side...Maybe heaven really is a place on Earth with you..." Renjun whispered as he felt Jeno hugging him impossible closer, making him feel like they were back at that one afternoon when they shared their first sin.
"Here..." Jeno pulled a flower from his back pocket in surprisingly good shape.
Renjun could see how the unusual black flower made a small rash on Jeno's long fingers.
"It's a Hellebore..." Jeno smiled gently, still shying away.
Renjun smiled at the beautiful flower and picked it up gently. He felt the slight prick in his fingertips but he couldn't mind, not when the flower meant so much and was coloured in such a mesmerizing midnight tone.
He was quick to thread its stem on his curly brown hair and when Jeno blushed and looked away he placed a sweet kiss to his jaw. Jeno hid again on the crook of his neck, like a tiny puppy asking for comfort.
Renjun couldn't help but twinkle, feeling so light and so free.
Feeling Jeno holding him in deep devotion.
It was time to rip what was left of his wings.
I was time to leave Eden.
6pm.
They were careless.
No one was supposed to be there.
Classes ended an hour ago and everyone was off to their homes or club activities.
Renjun really wanted some time alone with Jeno, just the two of them in their little bubble.
But there he was, by the classroom door, looking he has just been slapped, letting all the books he had in hand fall.
Mark.
"This is a Catholic school that is proud of its students' exquisite etiquette so no romantic or sexual conducts are allowed. Anyone caught indulging in these unacceptable behaviours will be expelled immediately."
Mark's face was flooded with an array of emotions.
He was sad, He was perplexed.
He was angry, bubbling in rage.
He stormed off, dragging Renjun even when he heard him scream for Jeno's name in such a pained manner.
He kept running, trying to take Renjun away from Jeno, not aware that said boy was still following them through the shadows.
They reached the gardens.
Mark stopped abruptly.
"RENJUN WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU? No, wait, we can solve this, we can work this out, we can tell the principal and get him expelled... It will be fine, just-" Mark was holding his head like a mad man but Renjun, Renjun was livid.
"NO, DON'T YOU DARE TO TELL ON HIM!" Renjun was about to throw himself at Mark when he felt an all too familiar embrace stopping him.
"Renjun it's okay... I'll face the consequences..."
No, they were both guilty, they both sinned. He wouldn't let Mark take Jeno away.
"You..." Mark growled. He was furious.
"YOU DID THIS TO RENJUN! YOU MADE HIM SIN!" Mark tackled Jeno like a mad bull, pushing him against one of the stone columns of the garden's arches. Jeno coughed violently but opted to avoid any kind of actual physical confrontation, trying to endure all of Mark's punches but eventually just falling to the ground.
"MARK STOP THIS!" Renjun could only see red in Mark's eyes. He saw how the boy picked up a jagged stone, ready to smash Jeno's head. Jeno couldn't react, couldn't actually fight.
So he accepted his tragic fate.
To crawl on his belly and eat dust.
So he lowered his head in defeat.
He felt it, the jagged stone, crushing his skull.
"JENO!"
He was now lying on the ground, vision blurry and body heavy.
The scent of rotten meat overpowered his senses.
But as a whiff of fresh air, he felt the sweet scent of chrysanthemums.
And he saw Renjun with eyes dark as poison,
Holding a brick right above Mark's head.
To just bash it with all the strength he could muster.
Jeno saw how Mark's eyes rolled back with the impact.
Jeno saw how his body fell unconscious to the floor.
Jeno saw how Renjun looked like the devil himself, holding the bloody brick in his tiny hands.
He gasped when Renjun let the brick fall right on Mark's chest, hearing the cracking of bones resonate through the empty gardens.
Jeno was quick to remove the brick.
Mark was still breathing.
Renjun dusted his uniform and helped Jeno stand up, cleaning his bloody forehead with his porcelain white handkerchief that smelt just like him.
Like sweet and tart apples.
Like Summer nights.
Like blooming chrysanthemums.
Jeno couldn't help but lean into the touch, completely captivated by Renjun's brown eyes.
He pulled Jeno by the hand until they were out of school grounds, just walking, with no apparent destination.
"The serpent... It saddens me, their story. How they gifted the fruit of knowledge to Eve and God punished them to crawl on their bellies and eat dust... It must've been lonely..." Renjun squeezed Jeno's hand tighter, looking at him with sorrow in his eyes.
"Have you thought that maybe Eve wanted to follow the serpent? Maybe she wanted to fall from Eden, maybe she wanted to walk on Earth with the serpent... Heaven sure was boring."
Jeno shied away, embarrassed by what sounded like a love confession.
"I love you Jeno, that's what I meant. Please take care of me from now on."
Jeno blushed and pulled Renjun closer, hugging him tight, finding comfort in his sweet smell. He also tilted his head up, leaving a soft and gentle kiss on his plush lips.
"Always, my angel... The apple of my eye"
Mark woke up completely disoriented.
Where was he?
The white from the blankets almost blinded his sore eyes.
"Mark, are you feeling well? You were brutally attacked on school grounds... You have a broken rib and a severe trauma on the head... You might be experiencing some memory loss..." The nurse smiled sympathetically.
Mark could remember almost everything. His friends, his school life... But there were holes, people cropped out of the picture, blurred faces.
"I think I'm okay, but I don't remember some people... Somehow it feels incomplete without them?"
"It's okay Mark, those memories will come back with time... Please rest okay?"
Mark sighed in resignation. Something or someone was definitely missing. But the pain on his rib and the constant throb on his head didn't help him at all.
"Miss nurse? Who left these flowers here?"
Mark reached out for the stem of one of the black flowers. It made his skin prickle.
"They were wearing uniforms and they told me they were your friends... They didn't leave their names though..."
"It's okay..."
Mark suddenly recalls that he spent a whole summer once studying the language of flowers.
That's why odd flowers seemed familiar to him.
Hellebore.
A popular winter flower.
Naturally found in alkaline soils but can also withstand acidic soils.
All parts of the Hellebore are toxic and its sap can irritate the skin so it's advised to wear protection when handling these flowers.
In the language of flowers, they mean that the sender wants the receiver to overcome or prevent scandals and slander.
The name is probably derived from the Greek word elein meaning "to injure" and bora meaning "food".
The toxins of the Black Hellebores were historically used as a purgative, but also for many different afflictions such, and in particular, for insanity.