Chapter Text
We are here today to celebrate the 20th anniversary of my fathers wedding. If everyone would be patient I’d like to be a selfish person and son and make this about me for a while.
When I was really young, I called my fathers Daddy Robert and Daddy Aaron. I don’t know when I dropped their names, but Daddy Robert and Daddy Aaron changed to being just Daddy before becoming Dad. I don’t know how they did it, but neither of them were confused by this and always seemed to know which of my two fathers I was addressing. Everything changed though when I was a young lad just after their 10-year anniversary and before my 11th birthday.
*********************************
Aaron was leaning against the door frame watching as Sebastian cried into his folded arms while lying face down on his bed. Aarons thoughts returned to earlier with Sebastian telling Vanessa he wanted his real dad when they had arrived at the Mill. He had attempted to talk to him but Sebastian had taken off up the stairs heading to his room. Vanessa kept apologizing to Aaron as she explained her son Johnny and some of the other lads from the village had been teasing Sebastian for having two dads and no mum. He felt like a failure as a parent when Sebastian refused to speak to him or even allow him to provide any comfort during his distress. In the end for Seb’s sake, Aaron had sent a text to Robert to come home.
When Seb had stopped crying Aaron asked if he wanted something to eat and if he was ready to talk about what his friends had said. Not receiving an answer Aaron made some toast and a cup of tea placing both on the bedside table before he knelt to sit on the floor next to the door to Seb’s room. He’d been waiting for almost three-quarters of an hour for Robert when he heard the front door open and close. Aaron stood up walking into Seb’s room. He placed his hand on the young boy’s head and said, “Dad’s home Seb. Why don’t you come downstairs to talk to him?”
Aaron started toward the door when he heard a quiet grunt from the lad. He turned just as he was exiting the room to see Sebastian still laying in the same position. Aaron descended the stairs nodding to Robert. He was coming from the kitchen with two beers handing one to Aaron as he maneuvered himself to sit on the sofa. Robert took a large gulp from the beer, then sighed as he turned to Aaron.
“Ness called and filled me in on what happened.” Robert began reaching out to give a comforting squeeze to Aaron’s leg. “We can get him through this. He’s a smart lad and he has always understood.”
“I asked him to come down and talk with you, but he didn’t move.” Aaron explained. “He won’t talk to me Rob. Seb’s struggling with this and he needs you.”
Robert’s heart broke hearing the defeat in his husband’s voice. He grabbed both of Aaron’s hands leaning in to catch his eyes. Confidently, he stated, “We’ve always been a team with our son and this won’t change that now. Let’s go up together and be the dads he’s always known.”
Robert stood pulling Aaron up from the sofa at the same time. They both made their way upstairs to Sebastian’s room. Robert knocked before entering without waiting for his son to acknowledge them. Aaron noted he was still in the same position on the bed with the tea and toast untouched. Robert took a seat close to Sebastian while Aaron stood just inside the room.
“I see your dad made you some toast and a cuppa you’ve ignored.” Robert said as he placed his hand on his son’s back. “Probably cold now too. How about we go downstairs to the kitchen. We can make some fresh tea and talk about today.”
Sebastian lifted his head then pulled himself up to sit next to his father. He kept his head slung low looking down into his lap. Faintly, he asked, “Dad, can we talk alone…without him here?”
Robert looked over to Aaron to see how he reacted to their son’s request. He could see Aaron’s attempt to hide the hurt and confusion in his expression. “I think your dad should stay here so we can both hear what’s troubling you.”
“Rob, it’s fine.” Aaron conceded. He walked into the room picking up the plate & cup before turning to leave. “I’ll put the kettle on and make you both a cup of tea. Stay here with Seb. He needs you.”
Robert was getting ready to protest when Aaron left the room closing the door behind him. It tore at him how in one day Aaron appeared to have taken second place for Seb in the parenting arena. They’d always made decisions together and supported him equally. Robert was upset with his son, but Aaron was right as always. Robert moved closer to Sebastian putting his arm around him. Calmly he started, “Your dad and Vanessa filled me in about today. You want to tell me about it?”
“He’s not my dad. Not really.” Sebastian whispered. “Johnny said I was a loser for not having a mum like all of them. Then Moses said Johnny and him heard their mums saying I was a mistake and only my mum wanted me.”
“Seb, legally Aaron is as much your dad as I am. He adopted you when your mother was no longer capable of taking care of you.” Robert sighed. He knew this day was going to come with Aaron and him already discussing what they would say to him. He wished Aaron hadn’t left; he needed him here for support and help explain to their son. “I don’t think Moses and Johnny understood what Nessa and Charity were talking about. You were never a mistake! You got that? Never, Sebastian.”
“Is the reason why you weren’t with mum cause you didn’t want me and she did?” asked Sebastian. He bowed his head to his chest and closed his eyes. He was trying to hide his tears from his father.
“I wanted you. Of course I wanted you.” Robert emphasized. “Bex and I…your mother. It’s difficult to explain. I love you, Seb. There was so much going on and you’re a bit young to understand. Maybe when you’re older, me and your dad can sit you down and explain it to you.”
Aaron tapped gently at the door, then opened it carrying two mugs of the promised tea.
“He’s not my dad though…you are.” Seb whined. “I only want you and mum to be my parents.”
Robert caught Aaron’s eyes witnessing the flinch of pain before his face radiated with sadness. He had heard something Seb should not have said. Aaron crossed the room and placed the mugs on the bedside cabinet. As he was moving to exit, Robert reached out for his hand. Gripping it gently, he said, “Thank you. I was thinking the three of us could go to the pub for tea tonight.”
“I was gonna order carryout and get Seb’s favorite pizza.” Aaron explained. He gazed down at Sebastian and attempted a small smile. “What do you think kiddo? Pizza or the pub?” Robert felt Seb shrug his shoulders without looking up at either him or Aaron. He was hoping Seb would answer, but he still stayed slumped at the shoulders. Rob gave him a soft nudge. He asked again, “Pizza, the pub, or do you want something else for tea?”
“I’ll pick up carryout pizza.” Aaron decided when Sebastian didn’t reply. He let Robert’s hand drop as he pulled away heading for the door.
Seconds later he felt Robert put his arms around his waist pulling him toward him so that Robert’s chest was pressed against his back. Robert grasped both of Aaron’s hands within his, placing his chin to rest on Aaron’s shoulder, he quietly whispered, “Seb is still our son and you will always be his father.”
Aaron head nodded accepting the words from Robert. He felt the softest of kisses Robert placed on his cheek before he was released from his embrace. Aaron took a deep breath leaving the room closing the door behind him once again.
“Seb, I didn’t want to tell you this yet, if at all.” Robert started as he sat next to his son on the bed. “You’re mum and me were never together as a proper couple. For reasons you wouldn’t understand yet, I struggled with the idea of being a father. In a moment of panic, I wanted to run away from it all.”
“You didn’t want me?” Seb cried.
“No. No, that is not what I’m saying.” Robert explained as he pulled his son into an embrace. “I wanted you, but I was not a good person back then. I was ashamed of who I had become and didn’t want you to suffer because you had a dad like me. I thought you would be better off if I wasn’t in your life.”
Sebastian pulled away from the embrace to look into his father’s face. Confused, he stated, “But you’re my dad and I love you. You are the best dad in the world. How could I be better not having a dad or not having you as my dad?”
Robert took a deep breath regretting the direction this conversation was taking. Sebastian was a smart lad, but still too young to hear how some men should not be fathers. After considering a few moments how best to explain, he continued, “Aaron is the strongest man I’ve ever known. Ten years later and I can still hear his voice and see his face as he told me he believed I would be a brilliant father. He’s always had a way of seeing more in me than I see in myself. Do you understand what I’m trying to explain?”
“No, not really.” Sebastian answered honestly. “If I already have you as a dad and I think you’re the best dad ever, why do I need a second dad?”
Robert pondered Sebastian’s latest question. He thought of several things to say in response, but didn’t think any of them were right or would help Seb understand any better than when they started talking about all this. Finally, Robert decided what to say. “You don’t need two dads. However, you are lucky to have Aaron as your father. He didn’t need to be there for me when I had the wobble about being a father. We weren’t really even friends then because I was a bad person that hurt a lot of people then. Including him. But because of who he is and the type of person he is, Aaron supported me, encouraged me and helped me believe in myself. When I asked him to consider adopting you, he said yes and that we were a family. To a Dingle, family is everything. You may not need a second dad or even want a second dad right now…but Aaron isn’t a second dad. He’s your dad and the three of us are a family.”
Robert pulled Sebastian into another hug rubbing his hand up and down his son’s back. He kissed the top of Sebastian’s head before releasing him and standing up. He walked toward the door, stopped and turned just before he could exit. “I think you have quite a lot to think about with our talk. Maybe between now and the time we finish eating after considering what I’ve said, the three of us can continue on. You think you can do that for me?”
Robert waited until Seb gave him a nod of approval. Finishing, he said, “I love you, son.” He turned and exited the room.
********************
Sebastian sat at the table with his father’s; he hadn’t touched much of the pizza Aaron had brought home for the three of them. He had pinched a few of the toppings along with some of the cheese and nibbled on them. Both Robert and Aaron had tried encouraging him to eat more, but his appetite wasn’t there.
As his fathers began to clean up, he asked, “May I please be excused?”
“Yeah, go on.” Aaron replied at the same time Robert said, “Not yet.”
“Seb, I wanted us to continue on from earlier but with both me and your dad here.” Robert explained.
“Robert, I’d like to have a few moments before everything gets heavy.” Aaron countered with his husband. Aaron turned his attention to Sebastian. “You wouldn’t mind giving your dad and me some time? We won’t be long Seb and then if you ready to talk to us both, we’ll be here to listen.”
Sebastian nodded before standing. He cleared his dinner plate and utensils taking them to the sink. He was beginning to climb the stairs when he heard Robert call out his name. He stopped turning his head to the kitchen. Robert was standing at the threshold between the kitchen and sitting area.
“You know both me and your dad love you, Seb.” stated Robert. “We won’t be too long. Be thinking about what I said earlier. Yeah?”
Aaron watched Sebastian as he listened to his father. He had so many physical similarities to Robert there was no doubt they were father and son. And then he witnessed Seb nod his head in the same way Robert did on many occasions before. It brought back memories for Aaron of he and Robert sitting on a hillside when Robert recounted what had happened to him when he was 15 years old. Seb continued to climb the steps after with Aaron still lost in his thoughts.
“Aaron, did you hear me?” Robert asked as he sat at the table.
“Huh?” Aaron mumbled. “Oh, yeah.”
“You wanted some time before we talk to Seb. What couldn’t wait til later?”
Aaron grabbed a couple of beers from the refrigerator before sitting down and offering one to his husband. “I was thinking about what said just before I went out of the pizza and then your conversation with him while I was gone. Maybe we should let Seb decide?”
“What do ya mean?”
“When we talk to Seb, let’s tell him it is okay to call me by my first name.” Aaron proposed.
“No, Aaron. You’re his father.” Robert argued. “Seb will continue to call you dad because you are.”
“Rob, You’re right, I’ll always be his dad and I’ll still love him just the same. That won’t change.” Aaron sighed. “I wanna do this for Seb. If it will help remove the reason for his being bullied, I think it will be worth it. I don’t want to see him sad and upset; I’d rather he call me Aaron than dad if that is what makes him happy.”
Robert took a swig of his beer contemplating what Aaron was proposing. He didn’t like the idea. It gave the impression they were letting Seb’s bullies win. If they did this, they would be allowing those kids to define what their family should be. “I don’t know Aaron.”
“Do you remember when we get back together? You made a promise to me Rob.” Aaron said. “You said you would never push Seb on me.”
“Yeah?” Robert asked with confusion but also some trepidation in his voice.
“We need to let Seb decided. If he wants to call me Aaron or dad, I want it to be his choice.” he explained. “I don’t want Seb to feel like we are pushing me onto him. Seb is still young and finding himself. And Rob, it would hurt me more if he grew to resent me because we were adamant he call me his dad.”
********************
The pain of being rejected by one of his fathers was the last thing Seb remembered as he fell asleep crying. Sitting up on his bed, he was feeling confused from the conversation with his dad and Aaron from the night before. His confusion wasn’t the only emotion he was struggling with as he had woken up. He was also ashamed for lying when he said he understood why Aaron didn’t want to be called dad anymore. Seb knew it was his own fault for saying Aaron wasn’t his real dad. This was his punishment and he had to be a big boy to prove to his real father he wanted to be loved and didn’t want to lose him also.
There was a knock on the door before it opened with his dad peaking his head in. Smiling, he asked, “You wanna get breakfast at the café? Your dad...er..Aaron headed out early to work to play catchup after missing time this week.”
Sebastian nodded slightly before climbing out of bed. He couldn’t remember the last time Aaron hadn’t made a big fry-up for Saturday morning breakfast. He honestly didn’t think it had ever happened. It was more proof Aaron didn’t like him anymore. If there was no fry-up, there wouldn’t be any lazing around until afternoon to playing footie with his dads. Maybe when he was asked to break the tie for Saturday night movie choice, if they even watched a movie again, he would start to always side with Aaron to keep him from hating him completely. Just one problem with his plan, then his only dad left would begin to hate him also.
“Can we go see Mum after breakfast?” Sebastian softly asked as he got dressed. His dad stopped making his bed and turned to him. “I know it is a day early, but maybe I could also stay with her tonight. I promise to be good and not give her any problems.”
“Seb, your mum needs structure. It takes planning for you to spend the night with her. Let’s see if we can set something up for next weekend.”
“Yeah, okay.” He responded trying to mask his disappointment. His only option left would be to skip movie night. He wouldn’t have to choose and fear losing his dad or give Aaron any more reasons to not like him or want to not be around him.
The two of them had finished up and started heading off to the café. Their walk up the drive was quiet with the only question Robert asking of Sebastian being what he wanted to do for his birthday party and did he have his birthday wishlist completed.
“Robert Sugden-Dingle and Sebastian White…what are you doing outside? Tell me the day hasn’t passed me by and it is afternoon already.” Chas chuckled thinking her own joke was amusing. Continuing, she asked, “Where’s Aaron?”
“At the scrapyard working to catchup.” Robert replied. He reached over and ruffled Seb’s hair. “This one is taking me to Brenda’s for breakfast.”
“Nonsense! If that son of mine left you two in the lurch, you’ll just have to come let Nana make your breakfast. We’ve already got a crowd and I couldn’t turn away two of my three favorite boys.” Chas exclaimed as she reached for Sebastian’s hand and began pulling him toward the Woolpack.
A calm relief began to settle over Sebastian; Aaron hadn’t told Nana Chas yet. He knew it was just a matter of time before he lost her also. He might be able to squeeze the rest of the day still having his gran. An idea was beginning to form as he was pulled along with Nana Chas and his dad talking over things he wasn’t paying attention to. If he could spend the day and win her over, he might just be able to fix this mess he made. A son is required to listen to and obey their parents. Even Aaron couldn’t disobey if Nana Chas told him he had to like him.
His father opened the door to the backroom stepping in followed by Chas and him. The first thing Seb noticed was Charity and Vanessa milling around the kitchen and placing food on the table. Then he saw Johnny sitting on the sofa playing on his mobile. Seb’s heart sank seeing his tormentor without a care in the world.
“Room for two more?” Chas asked. “I caught Robert and Seb slopping off to Brenda’s because my son couldn’t be bothered.”
“Aaron went in to work this morning. He’s wanting to get caught up from our time off this week.” Robert explained giving Chas a half grin and shaking his head.
“What about your Saturday afternoon footie match? Hey, if Aaron is gonna be at work maybe Johnny and me can come along and play.” Vanessa offered.
Sebastian’s stomach turned as he watched Johnny turn his head toward him with the announcement. He moved closer to his father seeking out protection. He wouldn’t be able to win over Nana Chas if he was spending the day playing football. He also didn’t want to play with Johnny. If Johnny hadn’t teased him about having two dads, he wouldn’t have made his mistake.
“Dad, I’m not feeling very good.” Sebastian whispered. “Can we go home?”
“Are you sure mate? We haven’t had breakfast yet and it smells great.” his father responded encouragingly. He placed his palm on Seb’s forehead feeling for a temperature. “You don’t feel warm.”
“You can stay and eat. I can go back and lay down. I’ll be alright on my own for a little bit.” He countered. If he could convince his father to stay and have breakfast, it would be one less thing his dad would be disappointed in him.
“This has come on all of a sudden. Seb, you were wanting to stay with your mum earlier. Are you not feeling well because I said you needed to wait until tomorrow?” Robert asked.
Chas approached Seb also placing her hand on his forehead. “Let’s get you to my room. You can lay down and maybe get something to eat once you start feeling better.”
Robert nodded to Chas before she directed Sebastian out of the room and upstairs. She settled him in bed before leaning over and placing a kiss on his forehead.
********************
“Mum said Seb wasn’t feeling well this morning and didn’t eat any breakfast.” Aaron half asked as he walked into the Mill after seeing Robert. He crossed the room and gave him a welcoming kiss, nothing more than a peck really. He pulled back to gaze into his husband’s eyes. As Robert was putting his hands on Aaron’s waist, he inched forward and placed his hands on Robert’s forearms.
“Aaron it has been a bizarre day. Seb appeared fine this morning, but then was asking if he could spend the night with Rebecca. Then I got it all wrong with him at breakfast at your mums. I didn’t even think at the time, but Vanessa was there with Johnny.” Robert explained.
“Did Johnny say something again?” Aaron grumbled. He stepped out of Robert’s embrace, then headed to the refrigerator for a couple of beers. “He didn’t get a chance.” Sighed Robert. “Thinking about it, Seb had already shut down before then. I thought it might have been not letting him see Rebecca today, but I’m not so sure now.”
Aaron moved to sit at the table after handing a beer over to Robert. “You still think I made a mistake last night?” asked Aaron. He already knew the answer from his husband. They had spent half the night discussing it after their talk with Sebastian.
“Aaron, not this again. I agreed we would let Seb decide.” Robert responded exasperated.
“But, the bullies get to win.” Aaron countered. “Rob, they are not defining our family. You, me and Seb. We are a family and nothing anyone says will ever change that.”
“No, we just give that power to my 10-year-old son!”
“Wow!” Aaron exclaimed as he stood from the table. “You might have agreed in theory, but it sounds very much like you’re defining your family.”
Robert watched with disappointment as Aaron walked away from the table. At first he thought he was heading for the stairs. He was wrong as he bypassed them for the front door. “Aaron, wait! You know that is not what I meant.”
Aaron paused just inside the open door. Facing Robert, he wiped a tear threatening to fall from his eyes. He sadly whispered, “I know that Rob. Deep down I do. You know I skipped out on our Saturday because I didn’t think I could handle it if Seb called me Aaron and not dad. I’ll be back later for movie night.”
********************
“Your dad…will be back soon for movie night. You wanna help me make popcorn and get all set up before he gets home?” Robert asked after sticking his head inside the door. He almost corrected himself from referring to his husband as dad and calling him by his name in Seb’s presence. Instead he left it wanting to remind himself and Seb they were family.
“Where’d he go?”
“I’m not sure, but he should be back soon. He just needed some space to clear his head.” Robert answered truthfully. He entered the room and sat next to Seb on his bed. “Can we talk about last night?”
Seb slumped slightly knowing he was in trouble. Aaron’s words he heard earlier echoed in his mind. ‘…but it sounds very much like you’re defining your family.’ He didn’t stick around to hear anything else, instead rushing back to his room. Aaron didn’t raise his voice often and never with him. But Seb didn’t want it to be a first after Aaron had told him he didn’t want him for a son.
“Yeah, about me calling him Aaron instead of dad.” Seb asked. It felt weird rolling off his tongue, but he knew he would have to get accustomed to it.
“Your dad wanted you to make the decision, but I didn’t really agree with it even though I told him and you I did.” Robert explained. “Yesterday when you said your dad wasn’t your real dad it hurt a lot. More than I thought it would.”
“Are you mad at me?” Seb worried. “I didn’t mean to make everyone upset.”
Robert watched as his son pulled his hands inside his jumper then wipe at the tears threatening to spill over on his cheeks. Sebastian was definitely his father’s son. He had seen Aaron do the same thing so many times since they had met, but couldn’t recall if he had watched Seb do it before now. He probably had without realizing it.
Thinking back Seb had often emulated Aaron. They had often commented how Seb was their very own mini-me. Especially with his preferred clothing; somedays wearing all black and a hoodie and others wearing button down, printed shirts, especially floral topped with a jacket with elbow patches.
“Nobody is upset with you.” reassured Robert. “Both me and your dad just want what is best for you. We want you to be happy. We don’t always agree but we have always supported each other in the decisions...”
Robert stopped from shock at what he had just stated. He came to his son’s room with the goal of convincing Seb to call Aaron dad to protect his husband from any additional hurt. Aaron had been right earlier. He hadn’t fully accepted what Aaron had suggested and now he was here preparing to undermine the very thing Aaron had suggested to help their son.
“Dad?”
“Sorry. I lost my train of thought.” Robert apologized. Aaron was his husband and Seb’s father. He needed to support him and trust what he thought was best. “Remember yesterday when I said your dad…Aaron always had a way of seeing the best in me. He also was the first person I could be myself with and in the process I learned a valuable lesson. It was okay to be myself with everyone else.”
“I don’t understand.” Sebastian stated.
“Last night, Aaron and I talked to you about calling him Aaron instead of dad.” Robert began. “We both want you to be happy. You were right and Aaron is not your real dad if the only consideration is biology. He adopted you and legally he is your dad. We get to decide what our family is. If it is easier for you with the other boys and it makes you feel better to call him Aaron, then that is what you should call him. Do you understand now?”
“Understand what?” Aaron asked at the open door.
“How long have you been there?”
“Long enough.” Aaron smiled at Robert and Seb. He smiled at his husband and son. He smiled because the three of them are family. “Are we ready for the Sugden-Dingle White movie night?”
Seb was even more confused and still didn’t understand. His dad Robert was his real dad. That is what he was told by the other boys. Johnny’s mum Nessa had even told him the same thing. But what was the difference between a real dad and a legal or adoptive one. Seb was too scared to ask because his legal dad Aaron was there now. He decided he would ask his mum. Johnny was wrong about that. He didn’t have the same type of mum Johnny had, but he did and they even had the same last name.
“Can I skip movie night?” Seb questioned. If they didn’t have movie night, he wouldn’t have to choose between the two movies. Or even decide what he should call Aaron.
“Mate, are you still not feeling well?” Aaron asked. He crossed the room to stand in front of Seb. After placing his hand on his forehead, he said, “You don’t feel warm.”
“Do we need to talk more?” wondered Robert. He gave Aaron a quick glance.
“Nah, I just wanna play alone in my room tonight. I’m feeling better.” he lied giving a smile he hoped would convince both of the men before him.
“Are you sure? Your dad and me won’t know which movie to watch without your help.” Aaron explained trying to change Seb’s mind. “And we need your help eating the popcorn and candy.”
Aaron and Robert watched Seb slump. They both thought he did it in disappointment for not being able to play instead of watching a movie with his dads. Maybe he was getting too old to spend Saturday nights with them watching movies as a family.
Robert made the first move after deciding it was Seb’s choice. They had said he could decide what to call Aaron. And they should let him decide if he didn’t want to spend movie night together. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Seb’s forehead. Standing he started toward the door before turning to see Aaron leaning to place a similar quick kiss on their son’s head.
“If you change your mind, we’re just downstairs.” Robert offered before leaving the room with Aaron.