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Star Butterfly looked down into the red plastic cup she held in her hands, slowly swirling it and watching the drink slosh around gently. She took a sip and looked out from her spot on Janna's balcony as a gust of wind fluttered the dress around her. She sighed. From her secluded spot she could hear the party raging on inside Janna's house. It was senior year and Janna's parents had gone away on a business trip for the weekend, so she took the opportunity to invite the better part of the grade to a rager. Star knew it was going to be different from other parties she had been to but she hadn't expected it to be as crazy as it was. Everyone had been drunk by the time she and Marco had gotten there at 11 and the house was packed with people dancing, playing beer pong or hooking up.
Now, three hours and countless drinks later, Star was sitting outside alone after seeing Jackie throw herself at Marco. It was more aggressive than usual due to Jackie’s drunkenness, and Star didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it.
"I never should've come," Star muttered under her breath. She took another sip of her drink, then chugged the remainder and set the cup down next to her. She sighed and put her head in her hands. The sliding door opened, techno music and yell-talking growing momentarily louder until it was shut again.
"Star?" Marco said, concern in his voice. Star jumped at the recognition and tried to quickly get to her feet. In the process her world started spinning and she somehow caught herself on the balcony railing.
"Jesus, I didn't mean to scare you," Marco said, grabbing Star's other arm to help steady her. She shook her head, everything still wobbly.
"No, no, it's fine," she responded. She sunk down to the ground, keeping her eyes focused on Marco's shoes in front of her in an attempt to stay upright. Marco kneeled down in front of her and tried to look her in the eye, but Star kept her focus on the floor in front of her.
"Are you okay?" He asked her, resting a hand on her arm. She recoiled her arm away from his touch and out of the corner of her eye Star saw hurt flash across Marco's concerned face. It was gone in an instant. "How much have you had to drink tonight, Star?"
"I'm fine, Marco," Star snapped. "I'm not a kid, I know how much I can handle, Jesus." She folded her arms across her chest and turned away, trying to ignore the swirling of her vision.
"I didn't mean it like that," Marco apologized. "I just... I worry about you, is all." He paused, waiting for Star to respond. When he realized she wouldn't, he sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry." Star saw him start to leave out of her peripheral vision and the pit in her stomach threatened to overtake her. She reached out and tried to grab his hand but missed and latched onto his wrist instead. He turned.
"No, please, stay," Star asked quietly. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't keep Marco's face in focus long enough to see his expression. Everything was still going in circles. It was like being on a boat, but holding onto Marco gave Star an anchor, a fixed point to ground herself. She didn't want to let go, she couldn't, and she was terrified that he would leave her stranded. Instead, after a long moment, he sat down next to her.
"How's the party?" Star asked, still focused on the feeling of her hand wrapped around Marco's arm. He shrugged.
"Alright," he responded.
"How's Jackie?"
"Wasted," he said, shaking his head. He turned to face her. "How are you?" Star offered a weak smile.
"I'm okay," she answered. Marco furrowed his brow at her.
"You sure?" He asked. She went to reassure him but, whether from dizziness or some other force, couldn't find the words. Suddenly Star found herself lost in her best friend's eyes. They were comforting, safe. Home.
"Jesus, what am I doing?" Star said, snapping out of her daze. She let go of his arm and immediately regretted the decision as the world started spinning faster.
"You... you should be in there talking to her. To Jackie, I mean. She's interested, I saw her, and I'm keeping you out here with me. I’m sorry, I suck." Star rubbed her face with her hand, trying to casually rub away the dizziness fogging her head.
"No you don’t, and don't apologize," Marco said, draping his arm over her shoulder and moving closer. Immediately she felt better just from his touch, some of the dizziness melting away as she focused on his presence. She moved to lean into his embrace but stopped herself.
"Go be with Jackie," Star said, pushing Marco away. He recoiled, confused, and Star turned away. "You like her and you want to be with her and whether she's a little tipsy or not she wanted to dance with you and probably make out with you. So go, I'm... fine." Star didn't realize she was holding back tears until she choked over her last word. There was silence for a moment, filled only by the muffled music coming from inside. A couple tears began to spill from Star's eyes and she tried to discreetly wipe them away. Marco couldn't help but notice.
"Did I... do something wrong?" Marco said quietly. Star shook her head.
"I did," she responded. "You're wonderful. You're kind and funny and smart and you deserve someone as great as you and I'm keeping you from her because of my stupid, confusing feelings and jealousy and I'm sorry. So please, go back inside and enjoy your night with the girl you love." It all spilled out of Star in a wave of drunken emotion, a bit slurred and a bit choked up. She stole a glance at Marco and he caught her eye. He cautiously lifted a hand to her cheek and brushed a tear from her face. He kept it there, cradling her cheek in his hand for a moment. Star put a hand on his wrist, pushing it from her.
"Just go be with her." She said, tired of being tortured by his presence and affection. Marco pulled his wrist from Star's grasp and instead entwined his fingers with hers.
"I already am."