Work Text:
The TreeHouse
By DemonRomantic
It was another day in the park, and Mordecai and Rigby were busy pretending to get their work done while also sort of doing it to make it look more convincing.
“Remind me why we’re actually pruning the trees?” Rigby asked, while toting around a branch-trimmer and pushing a wheelbarrow.
Mordecai was reaching for a branch that was out of Rigby’s reach with some hedge-clippers. Rigby could have reached it with the elongated trimmer if he’d tried, but he was too busy complaining while Mordecai actually was doing the work. After clipping the overgrowth, and prying it from the tree, he chucked it into the wheelbarrow.
“Because Benson said he’ll fire us if we don’t get it done.”
Rigby blew a raspberry. “Pfft. He always says that. Yet here we are. Come on, man! Let’s just dip out for some meatball subs at least.”
“After.”
Mordecai continued to the next tree across the lawn, while Rigby followed; sighing all the way.
“Wow! Dude! Check it out!” Mordecai pointed up at their next tree.
“What?” Rigby followed his gaze and immediately perked up. “Oh, sick! A treehouse!”
“Yeah, let’s check it out!”
They both climbed up the tree and into the little house that was big enough for them to sit down in comfortably, but not stand.
“Dude, this place is so rad!” Rigby announced, starting to snoop through the belongings of whoever had built it.
“Who do you think built it?”
“Don’t know, but check these out.” Rigby handed Mordecai a small stack of dirty magazines with a smirk on his face.
“Wow, these are super old.” Mordecai said, skimming through them. One of the center folds fell open and he let out a perverted chuckle.
“Yeah, and look at this.” He showed him some video cassettes this time, and Mordecai just read them.
“These are so old, all of the people in them are probably either dead or living in retirement homes.”
“Aw sick!” Rigby dropped them reflexively and continued snooping, while Mordecai looked around at the walls.
“Well, whoever built it obviously hasn’t been here in a while. Maybe we could use it as our secret hideout while were at work. That way Benson won’t be able to find us. If it’s stayed hidden this long, then I doubt he’s noticed it.”
“Awesome! We definitely need to bring up a T.V. and video games. Maybe we can also get a cooler for some sodas, or even a mini-fridge.”
“Yeah, man.”
They high-fived, and were about to leave to start grabbing their goodies, when Benson’s voice resonated from down below.
“Mordecai and Rigby!”
They peeked cautiously out of the window of the treehouse, but Benson had only caught sight of their abandoned tools down below, and he was scanning around himself, but not up at the tree.
“Urgh! I can never trust them to finish anything! When I find them, they are so fired!”
He stormed out of view after cleaning up the tools, and Mordecai and Rigby quietly stayed put until he’d gone. They climbed out of the tree once they knew the coast was clear, and made their way back to the house, where Benson was waiting for them with such a red face that he looked like he’d explode.
“Where the hell have you two been!? I had Skips finish the pruning without you!”
“Uh… We accidentally knocked a wasps’ nest out of one of the trees and took off, ‘cause Rigby’s super allergic to bees.”
“Y-yeah, real allergic. I puff up and everything. It’s not pretty.”
“Oh really?” Benson didn’t buy the bullshit one bit, but neither of them broke their sloppy poker-faces’. He let out a patient sigh. “In that case, you guys can use the bee-suits we have in the shed. They’ll keep you from getting stung. So, if I catch you guys sluffing your work again, you’re both fired, got it!”
“Thanks Benson.” Mordecai smiled.
Benson just grumbled and went back to his own duties.
Later that night, all of the park employees went out for wings and beer, and Benson quickly got drunk as he usually did, so Thomas got volunteered to take him home. Once Benson was gone, Rigby couldn’t keep his big mouth shut.
“Hey, have any of you guys ever found that super old treehouse in the park yet?”
“Rigby.” Mordecai groaned.
“Oh, you mean the one that was built back in the sixties? Sure have, bro.” Muscle-man declared.
“Wait, so you guys already knew about it?” Mordecai asked.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t go back in that thing if I were either of you.” Skips added, ominously. “I knew the guy who built it. His name was David Schmitz, he used to work at the park. We’d all call him Schmitty McSleaze, because he was so raunchy.”
“What happened to him?” Rigby asked, enthralled.
“Well, old Schmitty used to skip work all the time to jerk off in that old treehouse.”
Mordecai and Rigby visibly gagged. “Sick!”
Skips continued. “He used to do this so much, that one day our old boss fired him, but that didn’t stop Schmitty from coming back. He refused to vacate the treehouse after a while, and then everyone tried to make him leave, but he locked himself in. The cops watched the treehouse for three days, and Schmitty never came out. Finally, they broke open the door, but when they went in, there was no sign of him, and he hasn’t been heard from since.”
“What the heck happened to him?” Rigby questioned.
“To this day, no one knows. Some people claim he went out through the window, but he was too big to fit through it. Others think that the treehouse is some kind of portal, and if you do anything sexual in it, you get sucked into a different dimension.”
“Pfft. That can’t be true.” Mordecai scoffed.
Skips shrugged. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Personally, I wouldn’t go in that thing just because of what Schmitty did in there. Yeesh!”
Mordecai and Rigby laid in their beds sleeping, until Rigby rolled over and woke up. He scowled before getting up and crossing over to Mordecai. Nudging his boyfriend awake, he whispered in a hiss.
“Hey, Mordecai. Do you think that stuff Skips said is true about the treehouse?”
Mordecai groaned and yawned. “No, man. Of course not. Even if it was, as long as we don’t get horny in there, we should be fine.”
“Yeah, but come on, it’s the perfect place for that sort of thing.”
Mordecai rolled over and sat up. “Babe, you seriously want to get freaky in some old hippy’s jerking cave? That’s just gross.”
“Well when you put it like that, yeah!”
He flopped back down and shut his eyes, rolling over with his covers pulled tight in the universal gesture of ‘go back to bed’, but sighed. “We’ll clean it up first and put our stuff in.”
Rigby grinned, returning to his own bed.
The next day while they were slacking work to play videogames in the treehouse, Rigby started throwing sideways glances at Mordecai.
“I see you staring.” Mordecai said, without looking away from the screen; he was beating Rigby again. “It’s not happening.”
“Come on...” Rigby pouted. “We haven’t done it in two weeks!”
“So? If you’re so horny go back to the house and use the bathroom or our room. I’m in the middle of a game here.”
“Benson will catch me if I go back to the house during work. Come on, how can you go for so long?”
“I take care of my needs in the night.” Mordecai winked and clicked his tongue while throwing a finger gun in Rigby’s direction, before continuing to play his videogame.
“Ugh, fine.” Rigby set aside his controller and unzipped his pants.
Mordecai paused the game and threw a disbelieving look at Rigby. “Are you serious, right now?”
“If you aren’t gonna get it on, then I’m gonna take your advice and satisfy my own needs.”
Mordecai smirked. “You’re never going to get off that way.”
“If you’re so concerned about it, then maybe you should come over here and help me out.” Rigby teased.
That was all it took to get Mordecai to drop his controller and come sit on top of Rigby’s lap with a smirk. He kissed him as he took Rigby’s place stroking his length, and Rigby moaned against his mouth. Soon they had forgotten all about their game, and were busy stripping each other down to their underwear. Rigby’s boxers came off first, followed by Mordecai’s.
“Do you think that anything will actually happen if we fuck in here?” Rigby asked, uncertainly.
“Probably.” Mordecai grinned.
“Wait what?!”
“We’ll probably both end up coming.”
Mordecai entered his smaller boyfriend then, and after only a few thrusts, the entire treehouse was shaking violently as if there was an earthquake happening outside. The both of them stopped in shock, as the pages of the magazines they had forgotten to discard flipped back and forth and the illustrations on the movie cases began to materialize into physical people. They dragged the two naked men into the case with them and Mordecai and Rigby found themselves in a poorly decorated hotel room with a shag carpet that looked way too outdated to be anywhere in their present time.
“Wh-what is this place?” Mordecai asked aloud, still holding Rigby.
“I don’t know, man, but it smells rank!”
“Silence!” A voice boomed.
Turning around, they saw an imposing looking man with a muscular physique and movie star good looks. He was wearing sun glasses and a leopard-print speedo and nothing else.
“You dare to ruin the sanctity of this treehouse with your filthy deeds? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves! This is a play house for kids, man!”
“Hey, we didn’t take it from any kids, okay. We claimed it as our bro-cave so we could slack during work. Who cares what we do in it, it’s ours man!” Rigby asserted.
“Enough! As the guardian of this treehouse, I cannot allow you to sully it with your lewd behavior any longer! You will remain here in the confines of this disgusting hotel room inside of a porno, where such acts are acceptable, yet still repulsive.”
“Wait! Isn’t there something we can do to get out of here?” Mordecai tried. “You know, like a warning and a second chance?”
“You’ll only do it again if I send you back!”
“No, man, really. We promise. Right, Rigby.” Mordecai gave him a serious look.
Rigby sighed. “Yeah, fine, okay.”
“Very well, but to prove that you won’t do it again, I will need something more than a flimsy promise from a couple of horndogs.”
“Hey!” Rigby complained, but Mordecai gave him a hard punch in the arm.
“I shall require all filthy articles to be removed from the premises of the treehouse, and also that you leave and never come back. Do we have a deal?”
“Deal.” Mordecai vowed, nudging Rigby.
“Deal.” Rigby frowned.
There was a flash of light, and they were suddenly sitting back in the treehouse as if they had never left.
“Oh man, let’s get the hell out of this thing.”
Rigby began gathering up their belongings while Mordecai scooped all of the magazines and pornos into an empty pizza box they had brought up. They got their clothes back on and swiftly dropped out of the treehouse.
“Well, well, well…” Benson said. He had been standing below the entire time. “So, this is what you two have been doing instead of your jobs.”
“Uh, Benson, we can explain.” Mordecai tried, but he was cut off by Benson snatching the pizza box out of his hands.
“I hope you at least saved some of this as a bribe to keep your jobs, because otherwise-” He had opened the box by this point, and had now seen what was actually inside of it.
Mordecai and Rigby grinned sheepishly at him, unable to make up a good excuse. Benson just looked at them both, and closed the box before taking a deep breath. The next instant he released it in a shout.
“You’re both fired!”
But by some miracle that was left unexplained, they still had their jobs the next day.