Chapter Text
For the first time in a while, Jack was actually having fun. The view of the improvised golf course almost made him forget where he was, but on the back of his mind the absurdity of the situation made him chuckle slightly: there he was, on a deserted island, playing golf with a beautiful woman, who just so happened to be a fugitive. And she was kicking his ass.
“Wow. You really put it in there.” Kate mocked as they both stared into the trees where his ball had landed.
They walked the path until there, while he silently cursed himself for making it just so easy for her to nag him. His pride was hurt, but he also didn't mind her playful mood… there was something about her that day. Jack thought he might be imagining things, but she seemed slightly more flirtatious than usual, her smile dragging on for longer, the way she paused on some words and seemed to examine him up and down before continuing the phrase. And damn, did she look good today, he thought as he bend down to hit the ball.
"Kate, you might wanna move" he said playfully, as he watched her grin turn into an alarmed expression. He turned around and saw the huge man.
“Where is the doctor?”
Just like that, he wasn’t Jack anymore. He was the doctor. The doctor. The one who carried the weight of these people's wellbeing on his shoulders. The one who could not allow himself to playfully flirt with Kate, let alone think about ever going further in manifesting his affections for her.
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He let the frustration overcome him for five short seconds. He could no longer focus on how unfair it was, this responsibility. He had to act fast.
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Once they arrived at the hatch, after walking silently as fast as they could, Jack started moving mechanically to assist Sawyer. He did not allow himself to even look at Kate, which wasn't all that hard, since he had shut out whichever part of him that had the luxury of feeling anything for her. He wasn't Jack anymore. He was the doctor.
It was in this state of numbness and sheer concentration on his task that Jack moved Sawyer to the bunk bed, with Kate's help. Which is why he didn't notice the stinging worry in Kate's voice, as she asked for instructions. He didn’t think to search for tenderness in her lingering looks to his injured patient. He even ignored her clearly wet cheeks and her contorted face, focused on the effort to refrain from sobbing. Which is why the shock was more violent and painful when he saw it. There she was, holding Sawyer’s forehead in the most delicate and tender way possible. Each word she whispered felt like a slap in his face, forcing him to face reality. The softer her voice, the deeper it stung and the clarear it became to him.
There she was… right in front of him, showing obvious signs of affection for someone … someone else, as Sarah had once so eloquently put. The thought of Sarah made him look away, in a failed attempt to hide the hurt obviously written all over his face. He finally looked up when she had succeeded to make him swallow the pill, and could barely hide his pain as Kate’s hands ran affectionately through Sawyer’s hair. Her laugh, of relief and reassurement, made his stomach drop. The ambiguity of such a beautiful sound causing him such despair made him painfully conscious that this was heartbreak, like he knew only to well. And that is the cruelest part of heartbreak: it is not all unpleasant, for it is love slipping through your fingers and, as it slips away, you get to watch the pieces crumbling to the ground. At that moment, Jack knew the fall would be as beautiful as it would be painful, so much so he might have wished for it to slow down… because afterwards… there would be nothing left.
"Nice job. Never learned the whole whisper-in-the-ear thing in med school." He heard himself say in a desperate attempt to hide his thoughts. He had intended it as a light-hearted and reassuring joke. Had she heard the ressent and pain? Had he said it in an overly ironic way?
You fool , he thought standing up. She is not worried about minor inflections of feelings in your voice. She is in pain, she is watching powerlessly as the man she… as Sawyer suffers. If she feels for the injured man half of what Jack feels for her, she is in such a state of despair at the idea of anything bad happening to him that she can't even hear her own thoughts, let alone worry about what Jack might be feeling.
---
Jack woke up from a restless sleep on the couch to a soothing musical sound. He recognized the song, but the tune was so gentle and pure… no instruments. With his eyes still closed, he let the music invade him in every possible way, the voice uttering it strangely familiar.
I go out walking after midnight
Out in the moonlight
Even out of tune, it was a sweet sound to wake up to and for a moment Jack was almost content. He smiled weakly, still engulfed in this sensation.
Just like we used to do, I'm always walkin'
After midnight, searchin' for you
The sound became more and more real as he opened his eyes slowly and drank in his surroundings. Suddenly he couldn't remember why he had slept so badly, seen as he was waking up to the sound of her voice.
Singing.
I walk for miles along the highway.
He slowly sat up, almost involuntarily drawn to the source of the sound, but he had to make no effort to find it. The door to the bedroom half-opened, Jack sighted Kate, crawled into the chair she had slept in, besides the bunk bed. She rocked slightly to the rhythm of the song, her hair following her movements lazily, which gave the whole scene a very dream like feature.
She sang, tenderness and care noticeable in every note, besides the bunk bed. Where he lay.
The pinge on Jack's chest came as suddenly and as painfully as it had the day before. He smiled weakly despite the sad realization, drinking in the softness of her voice. Pain pays the income of each precious thing.
He shifted slightly to try to see her better through the slit of the door.
Well, that's just my way
Of sayin' I lo-
She stopped suddenly, moving her hands to her face. For a second, Jack thought she had heard his movements, but she made no gesture to turn. He got up slowly and waited a couple of minutes to walk up to her, not wanting Kate to know what he had overheard.
"Hey" he said softly, reaching for her shoulder.
"Hey" she replied, barely turning her head to see him.
"Have you been there all night?"
She didn't answer. Instead, she turned her gaze back to Sawyer and stared intently.
Jack approached the bed to take a closer look at him.
"I should examine him and change his bandages." He stared back at her and noticed how pale she was. Her hair was partially tied up, her face shining with sweat, her eyes… one could barely read emotion in them, they were wide and lost, as if she made an effort to hide the obvious redness that surrounded it. Doing his best to ignore what had put her in such a state, Jack decided she had to get some fresh air. "It would also be a good idea to get some food into him. Why don't you go get him some fruit?"
She hesitated.
"Kate." He said, softly but firmly.
“Okay”. She shot one more long glare towards the unconscious man and left.